lotusofyunmeng

[lotusofyunmeng]

Disappointment had nothing to do with it. He could never disappoint her. Her fallen expression was due to worry and because he was in pain. And yes a fear of what could have been if A-Chéng hadn't been there. Her heart clenches at that particularly thought and for a second, she forgets to breathe. She allows herself a second to clear push the thoughts from her mind and it's enough to recenter herself to focus on helping him instead.

Her hand pauses the moment the expression of pain leaves his lips. She doesn't want to hurt him, but it's imperative that the wound is cleaned. It could get infected otherwise, which would be even worse. "I'm sorry," she says softly, before resuming her work, though trying to be even more gentle now. It is quite the injury, but it's okay because he's here and safe and it can be taken care of. That being said, it very well may require stitches.

She finishes cleaning it as thoroughly as possible. She does note his sniffle, but given that he's purposely looking away from her, she grasps that he's trying to hide it and thus doesn't make a comment on it. "I'm going to try using just the healing herbs first, to see if they make it less dire, but you may need stitches. I can ask for a proper physician for that if you would like, of course. But how strong you must be to have made it back still fully capable of arguing with your Jiujiu," she says, smiling once more. Though this time it's far more genuine.

❝ ...Fine. ❞ He doesn't need his mother to fight his battles for him, however it is easier when she steps in to argue with his uncle. It didn't matter what Jin Ling said, Jiang Cheng saw him as a child. As incapable, not good enough. Maybe some reassurance from his sister would calm his uncle down, would show him that yes, Jin Ling could handle himself.

It didn't matter that the Yao had sunk its claws into him this time. Really, it didn't.

But maybe it should. He turns his gaze up to meet his mother's and the frown that had been tugging on his lips, only deepened when he saw her expression. She looked so...Disappointed, worried. The smile on her face looks fake and Jin Ling's shoulders sag as he realizes that its because of him.

So what if he had gotten injured ? He would heal. But that wasn't how his mother saw it. What if...What if jiujiu hadn't been there ? What if Jin Ling had been run through and he was left to bleed out, the creatures of the forest free to feast on his corpse ?

What would she do ? Surely she would mourn for him, but he didn't want that. He didn't want to cause her any pain or distress. He shook those thoughts off, ignoring how it chilled the blood in his veins and how his stomach twisted into knots at the thought.

❝ Fuuuu- ❞ He hisses through his teeth, jaw clenching when he realizes that, yes he's still in front of his mother. His mother who is so very worried for him and is going so far as to patch him up. ❝ Yep. That. Stings. ❞ He takes a shaky breath, fingers curling into the fabric of the robes pooled in his lap. It hurts, stings as the clean water seeps into the open flesh and is gently wiped away, the fabric of the rag pulling on the ragged edges of his skin.

His eyes prick with hot tears, pooling for just a second, before falling, running down his cheeks, leaving thin tracks. He was dusty from the road still, he hadn't had a chance to properly clean up yet, having rushed to his mother's side as soon as he returned home. Both out of a need for comfort that he'd never admit and irritation from being treated like a child. Again.

He sniffles, and squeezes his eyes shut, jaw flexing as he grinds his teeth together to keep quiet. He even goes so far as to turn his head away, ducking it so she can't see the tears that fell. ❝ 'M okay though. ❞

[lotusofyunmeng]

two peonies and a lotus

[lotusofyunmeng]

//MingLi aesthetic that I made because I like this ship a lot more than I ever thought I would lol

[lotusofyunmeng]

when do you gaze at your soulmate?

when they're already watching you

you know. you always know when they're looking and especially when they're not. you feel their eyes on you and at first you just feel it. you pretend not to notice and you smile to yourself. it's warm. and maybe it's foolish and cliche but there are butterflies in your stomach and that's the feeling you want to hold onto. so you do. you can't the appropriate amount of seconds which feel like minutes. then you lift your own eyes and meet theirs and those butterflies turn into fireworks. they see you and you see them. and there is nothing more comforting and exhilarating as that.

Tagged by: No one Tagging: whoever wants to

[lotusofyunmeng]

Yanli really hopes that she won't need the needles, that the wound isn't deep enough to require them. But she is capable of using them to stitch him up if need be. She may have a weak core that makes cultivating much at all difficult, but she had refused to sit idly by throughout all of the war and had asked to learn to at least help with medical things.

She nods and sighs softly at his words. "I can't argue with you there. If someone's never given the chance to attempt something then they can't very well know or show that they can do it," she agrees. "I'll try and talk to him, alright?" she offers. She's glad that he's willing to let her help. Brushing off a small cut was one thing, but if A-Chéng had felt the need to interfere, she doubted that it was just a very small injury.

She waits patiently, not wanting him to jostle and irritate his wound even more because she seems like she's rushing him. When she does see how bad it is, her stomach churns. For a moment she's lost in thought, thinking back to the times that A-Chéng and A-Xian had returned home badly injured. Mostly during Sunshot. And the siege. She had meant to keep her expression composed, but between her thoughts and seeing him hurt, that doesn't work. She frowns and her brows crease in worry.

She tries to give a light smile at his words, but she doubts it's very convincing. "Even if that's true....please be more careful, A-Líng," she states. She grabs a rag from the washing basin. "This may hurt and I'm sorry if it does," she states as she starts to clean it as carefully as possible.

He has no choice but to follow his mother down, settling beside her as she rummages through her belongings. He eyes the familiar items, a small sachet of strong smelling herbs, bandages, even needles if the wound truly was desperate. His mother was no physician, but she certainly had experience patching Jin Ling up, time and time again, though usually it was no more than a scuffed knee or a small cut.

❝ He'll never get to see me in action if he doesn't let me do anything ! ❞ He grumbles, mostly to himself. What he wants more than anything right now is to cross his arms over his chest, to stomp his foot to go along with the scowl tugging on his lips, throw a proper tantrum that was absolutely unbecoming of a boy his age. His shoulder aches too much to move like that though, the fight in him seeping away as he shakes his head. No, he's not too old for his mother's help. ❝ I can't reach it properly.❞ He very well could, but it'd be easier, less painful if he allowed this to happen.

He moves stiffly, setting his bow down to rest with greater care than he had given himself. It's with a pained groan that he pulls the quiver off of his back, letting it join his weapon on the floor.

Shit. Maybe the Yao really had got him good. It didn't matter, it was dead now. Jiang Cheng made sure of that.

He shrugs off the first few layers of his hunting garb, letting the torn sleeve slide down his arm, revealing three jagged gashes trailing from his shoulder blade to the top of his collarbone. The bleeding had stopped on the sword flight back home, Jin Ling hadn't even felt it thanks to the adrenaline pumping through his system, until he and his uncle had disembarked. Now, the ache was much stronger, something he couldn't necessarily ignore. He knows enough about first aid to know that the fact that the bleeding had stopped is a good sign. Or at least he hopes. If he's lucky, it won't scar, but it wouldn't be the most humiliating scar to have as a cultivator and it certainly wouldn't be his only one.

Or at least it shouldn't be. If he ever gets to go out on another nighthunt again. He's dreading whatever report his uncle was going to give to his mother when he was out of earshot and couldn't defend himself.

Now isn't the time to worry about that though, instead he pulls his gaze up to examine his mother's face. ❝ It looks worse than it feels ... ❞

[lotusofyunmeng]

HOW DOES YOUR MUSE HANDLE EMOTIONS?

Bold what usually or often applies. Italicise what sometimes applies.

ANGER

jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going nonverbal, stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalizes, vents, withdraws, passive aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts.

JOY

easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savors joy.

SADNESS / CRYING

bottling it up, seeks distractions, wallows, meditates & processes, avoidance, seeks out comfort, withdraws, talks it out, internalizes it, sad smiles, depression naps, uses alcohol, uses drugs, seeks out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better.

EMBARRASSMENT

shame, blushing, looking away, rubbing at back of head, covering face, laughing nervously, laughs it off, overthinks, lets it go, self-deprecating humour, deflects, gets irritated, smiles, withdraws, crossing arms over stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate.

GUILT

avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashes out, internalizes, apologizes, deflects, communicates, withdraws, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepts fault easily, punishes themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, over-active guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalizes even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, lack of guilt/conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others.

tagged by: @peonyleader tagging: @meihuasmight and whoever else wants to

[lotusofyunmeng]

“There, there,

You’re a clan leader now, don’t act so flustered”

[lotusofyunmeng]

which private expression of love do you most represent?

The familiar smell of your lover where their neck meets their shoulder

it’s nameless. you couldn’t apply language to it and do it justice if you tried. it’s a hug going on longer than it’s meant to, wearing their sweatshirt on the way home and crying because it smells so inviting. it’s sinking into a kiss, using their shampoo in the shower, burying yourself a little deeper in the sheets because you’ve never felt so comfortable. whenever they ask you to describe their smell, all you can think is warm, familiar, mine. when you ask them to describe yours they say: it smells like you. home is wherever you can be beside them. everywhere you go is perfect as long as you’re together.

Tagged by: no one. Just wanted to do it on this blog too lol Tagging: @peonyleader and whoever else wants to

[lotusofyunmeng]

Jiang Yanli doodle! 🌸

[lotusofyunmeng]

@peonyleader continued from x

She glances up from her embroidery with a slight frown when she hears Jin Ling. They'd gone on a night hunt, so those words didn't bode well. She's even more concerned when the two of them appear a moment later. "A-Chéng, there's no reason to be so rough," she scolds her brother gently.

Then her gaze falls to Jin Ling's shoulder and she frowns deeply, brows creased in worry. "A-Ling, are you alright? What happened?" she asks, the last question directed at Jiāng Chéng.

Before she gets an answer from either of them, Jin Ling is scrambling to her side and she's more than willing to let him find solace with her. Her brother could take things a tad too far at times, even if it was out of worry rather than any sort of ill-intent. But he usually mellows some once she's present.

Yanli listens to Jiāng Chéng recount the events, and it certainly doesn't ease her worries in the slightest. She's not too knowledgeable about Yao, but the fact that it was able to get so close before anyone could attack it was concerning. "I see," she says softly, reaching back enough to pat Jin Ling's head softly when he leans it on her shoulder. "Thank you for protecting him, A-Chéng. Join us for dinner after the two of you are freshened up, okay?" she says, smiling softly.

"There are times that we are sure we have things under control but then something happens to throw that off. Doesn't make us less capable," she says. As he continues, she sighs softly. She sits back down, gently pulling him along beside her and grabs medical supplies. "A-Ling, I know that the way your uncle does things can be frustrating. But keeping the people he cares about safe, that's really important to him. There was a time that he couldn't do that so now he tries to make up for it. I'm sure if given the right amount of time, and seeing you in action, he'll come to see how capable and strong you can be. But I can say from experience that there are times that we can only see the little boy that you used to be. It's something we have to work on. I just didn't think it would take him so much more time than it did me," she chuckles lightly. "Now, are you too old and skilled to let your mother help with your wound? Hmm?"

[lotusofyunmeng]

Jiang Cheng & Jiang Yanli

[lotusofyunmeng]

Her smile doesn't falter for even a moment. She's more than content to stay just like this until it's time for dinner. Though she doubted he'd want to stay still for that long, so she'd take whatever time she could get. She nods in acknowledgement at his answer, before noticing that his eyes were still closed. And that he looked a lot like his father right now. But she pushes that thought from her mind for now. "Ah, well that's good," she replies. She's not sure she completely believes that, but she also doesn't want to pressure him to tell her, if he doesn't want to. She just hopes it's nothing too serious. She can't help the soft laugh that escapes her lips at his question. "Of course you don't need a reason. I'm here if you need me or just want me, no matter what for," she replies, tapping his nose. "Well, if you're tired, feel free to rest for however long you need to," she says, continuing to stroke his hair.

@lotusofyunmeng from here

The way his eyes slip shut is unintentional and he barely swallows down a hum of contentment. Perhaps he is far too old for such indulgences, but his mother has yet to deny him. Would she ever? ❝ Yeah. ❞ he mumbles. He hasn't yet opened his eyes, instead basking in a moment of peace and quiet. He had been training alongside the other disciples and his patience for such a task, had run dry. Just behind his eyes sat an ache, one that he could no longer ignore. She didn't need to know about dull throbbing in his head though. Everyone thought him spoiled enough as it is, any more and there would be absolutely no chance to for him to deny such a thing. ❝ Do I need a reason? ❞ Now, he cracks an eye open, squinting against the bright sky. It's a relief to see that there's no worry or judgment on his mother's face. He can stay here for just a moment longer then. ❝ It's been a long day. I'm just tired. ❞

[lotusofyunmeng]

💙 USA 💙

national suicide prevention

national domestic violence hotline

national sexual abuse hotline

trans lifeline and resources

💙INTERNATIONAL💙

list of suicide hotlines by country

domestic violence hotlines and resources by country

sexual (+ domestic) abuse agencies by country

international trans resources

edit: taking this opportunity whilst this gets traction!

Palestine Children Relief Fund

Lebanon Red Cross

International Rescue Committee (Sudan, Lebanon, Gaza, Congo etc.)

Ukraine Red Cross

[lotusofyunmeng]

thirty-one days of jiujiu(ly) — 2024 edition // day twenty-three + with bonus a-jie ! + find the 2022 edition here

[lotusofyunmeng]

What's Peculiar About Your Soul?

Your soul is... Warm

It draws those nearby closer to it, like a pleasantly crackling fireplace… It leaves some enamored, others delighted, but everyone leaves having been uplifted by its momentary presence in their lives. They speak of you for days to come- of the way you've changed them… You can not figure out what to make of that… Of the fact that, even in death, others are still placated- enlightened- by your very presence…

Tagged by: no one I just wanted to do it on here too lol Tagging: @peonyleader @ghostlypath

[lotusofyunmeng]

REST -peonyleader

send " REST. " for the sender to sit beside the receiver and rest their head in the receiver's lap without explanation.

Yanli smiles down at Jin Ling when he rests his head. She gently starts stroking his hair, grateful that he has yet to completely grow out of such things. "Hello A-Ling. Are you alright?" she asks. Not that she needs a reason for his actions. She just wants to be sure he's alright, given that this isn't very common. In truth, she could stay like this for however long he wanted. She was thankful for the chance to have these calm and affectionate moments with him. Not everyone got the chance to do so with their children.

@peonyleader

[lotusofyunmeng]

send " REST. " for the sender to sit beside the receiver and rest their head in the receiver's lap without explanation. (feel free to specify why in the inbox!)

alternatively, send in " LAP. " for the sender to guide the receiver down to rest their head in their lap.