loveletterstoaghost - Tumblr blog

[loveletterstoaghost]

Evolution

Things have changed. Of course they have. Things change just as things fall apart. It’s inevitable or whatever. It’s skin turned to bone turned to dust on winds that change mountains into stone and stone into dust that settles to become more stones to protect bodies made of bone and skin. We change. We evolve. Things change and things fall apart. It’s inevitable. ~Patience

[loveletterstoaghost]

When I think of June, I think of you. Those hot days on your back porch, you on a ladder painting the side of the house, me sitting on the stairs in my panties watching the sun turn you golden. I think of kissing those tiny circles, one after another, floating behind your ear and wrapping my legs around your body as you took me. The weak air pumping into the room, never quite…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Can't Be

Wounds can’t be covered. Scars tear at the sides of your mouth wrenching your lips into smiles, those plastic kinds that ooze fake joy. Wounds can’t be hidden. No matter your lengths to hide, the rot squirms under your skin, boiling your insides in panic and salt. Wounds can’t be erased. There is no disinfectant strong enough to scrub the slime off your walls, off your shiny…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Every Day

I promised myself I would post every day in November but I’m tired so I forgot and now I’m lying in the dark typing this so I can at least keep one promise to myself since I’m so much more likely to break them but I have no words tonight because the day was so long not for any particular reason except driving in the rain in the dark after work. I’m tired but at least I posted. ~Patience

[loveletterstoaghost]

The last leaves of fall shudder and float in snow-tipped air. I wonder if you feel it too. Do you hear the frigid breeze in your skin? Do you wake and wait for drifts in your drive to keep you from work, from the mundanity of Monday? Do you hold her under cozy white comforters while he plays at the end of the bed begging to go outside? Do you whisper her name while you watch the…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Four Stars

What made you realize you were poor? Not “you didn’t have a pool” poor, but like “you lived in an RV” poor. I took a cruise to Alaska once and it was beautiful, but I remember stepping onto that ship and realizing just how poor I was, just how ordinary, how Nothing I was. I’ve never been anywhere but thrift stores and flea markets. I get my new clothes on clearance. I drive used cars and…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Crazy

I’m crazy and I know it. I’ve always known it. You don’t have to gaslight me because I do it to myself every day. I try to remember what I said but the words vanish in my grasp, float away like a child’s balloon and I’m left crying and confused because I don’t know how helium works. I’m crazy and I know it. It’s always in a little blue box in the back of my head and it wants out. It…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Fall

Rain clouds drift in slate skies threatening to drench us in its tears. The pine trees wave, falter, dance in the wind, their branches shaking free, dropping needles into the crisp fall air. The storm begins, thunder crashing, breaking the quiet, not knowing the rain has been falling from my liquid heart for years. ~Patience

[loveletterstoaghost]

Passenger

I used to love the drive. Thinking about your lips on my skin, your fingers entwined in my hair. The anticipation. Now I hate driving because all that’s left are shadows, ghosts of your eyes in the passenger seat. ~Patience

[loveletterstoaghost]

Closure (maybe)-- Conversations in My Head

“I loved you, you know. More than I wanted to.” “That’s not true.” “Yes it is. It’s more true than anything else I’ve felt besides my love for her.” “You never said anything.” “I tried.” “No you didn’t.” “I asked if you wanted to be with me. You said no. You didn’t want a relationship, any relationship. “ “I lied.” “Why?” “I don’t know and now I fucking hate you.” “Why?” “Because…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Lungs

You breathed me to life, lips leaving wisps of fire against my skin, and air filled my lungs in waves of wind, suffocating me in the heat of need, the insanity of desperation. And I wondered why it took so long to taste the way life felt when you were beside me filling me with your oxygen, creating my curves and edges to fit inside your own. How was I to know the missing would…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Pieces

Heart torn in four pieces. Atriums and ventricles beating apart, distance seen through cracks held together by thread, tiny sinews clutching at the shards of a once beating muscle meant for all the love. Breaking, shattering when whole is needed instead of real. Four knives ripping my flesh, the blood which makes life, the possibility of complete. They tear me, slice into each…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Hopeless

My tears won’t recede from my eyes the way the sea leaves the shore. They pool in egg-shaped patches where my knees once begged you to stay. They fill empty cups of coffee-stained tables where you drew pictures of Christmas and held my hand to your heart while we slept. The tears won’t fade as the ink from old newspapers stain wrinkled fingers. They saturate my ticking clocks carried…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Destroy the Ache

I destroy all of this ache, this infinite pain wedged inside my bones. I kill this agony, this vast hurt rolled up under my skin. I end all of this yearning, this deep cavern of empty hiding in my heart. I demolish this longing, this hungry predator sleeping in my eyes. Instead I build this body, this shining tower of strength and grit buried in my soul. I bolster this spirt, this…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Twelve Pounds

The weight of it. A building so tall it topples the mountains surrounding the heavy inside it. Magnitude resting in tiny hands inside stranger’s hands inside a room so large it crushes every heart inside. The mass of this ache balloons to huge, the volume expanding to infinite all while staring at something so small it’s likely to disappear while leaving a mark so dark that it…

[loveletterstoaghost]

I don’t know if I was meant to love you but I do. I don’t know if we were supposed to be but we were and now I don’t know how to move beyond “supposed to.” I don’t know how to end the ache of you when I hear your name or remember your touch. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to live without you when I see you in every inch of her face. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to say…

[loveletterstoaghost]

Visions

My dreams brim with your voice, the sad eyes she now looks at me with, and I wonder if it was ever real. If you were there or if you were just this hot vision spilling fantasy I deemed reality. I can still feel your lips on my neck, your fingers wrapped in my hair. I can still hear your voice saying my name, telling me you’d never leave, yet here I am alone, dreaming instead of…