loveoverload

[loveoverload]

The worst feeling in the world is to constantly chase a feeling or desire that doesn’t seem to exist

-me

[loveoverload]

[loveoverload]

Found and Lost

I spent decades feeling lost and in a state of not knowing.....I didn’t know where money was coming from, if my career was stable, which man I wanted to be with 😱😱 but I was having THE TIME OF MY LIFE‼️ Then one day, I felt like I figured it out. I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to go and who I wanted.....so I thought. But now I am back in a lost state and bored as hell (and completely unsatisfied). What am I doing wrong? Did I make a wrong choice along the way that needs to be corrected? Is lost just basically unhappiness attacking my emotional security?

[loveoverload]

The Ultimatum

I was watching reality tv today with a bunch of 20 something barbies dating athletes. Some are married and some are hope to bes. This one in particular was dating a guy for many years and he wanted a baby. Interestingly enough....he wasn’t ready for marriage. (Sidebar: I’m am so baffled by our current society when it comes to kids and marriage. At what point does having a kid become less of a life changing commitment than getting married?) Anyways, I digress.

So as I watch her beg and plead and then give the Ultimatum, I couldn’t help but think how sad it was that she had to force a proposal. Like what a hit to your self esteem it has to be to tell someone marry me or I will leave. Then I remembered that was me at 20 something. I recall it like it was yesterday. My self love and value was low at the time but I didn’t realize it. Or maybe I did but for some reason he was more important to keep than my worth at that moment. If I could go back in time, I would tell my 20 something self to walk away.....that you will later regret begging for someone to see your value. That you will always wonder how it would feel to have someone love you so much that they actually couldn’t wait to spend their life with you.

But I’m taught that everything happens for a reason so since he asked and I later said yes, that must have been the plan....or was it? Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder...am I actually living out my destiny with someone who was just a little scared to jump, a life that will one day unwind because it actually wasn’t meant to be or a lifetime of regret because I settled for someone that settled for me?

[loveoverload]

Dreams and Signs

Everywhere I go and in my latest dreams, all signs tell me to leave but I don’t want to hurt him. He is a good person, just personality mismatch. No passion. What do I do?

[loveoverload]

Patiently waiting for 10

Is it just me or are kids super annoying between age 5-7?😩😩😩 they have no chill and way too much energy

[loveoverload]

All my life I have tried to own it all and when I don't, no one else picks up the slack or leads the charge. Ever feel like you are tired of saving everyone and you just want to be saved? 😩😩 #whereishe #supermancomesaveme