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In a world where filters help us laugh and online streaming help us sleep, there’s always someone that realizes this isn’t enough. Stuck in a repetitive routine with no awareness of how numb you will be. Taking away the media will only help for so long, until two months later the notifications start singing non-stop. However, filters will be shared and streams will be seen, because it’s better to be numb than to be keen.

IHR

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Signs that I, too, am on break and do not want to think about the show:

I have put my headphones in. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally just pop in some headphones for appearance’s sake.

I have left the space.

Not only have I left the space, but I have, in fact, walked out of the building. 

My notebook and anything else I could use to take notes is still sitting at my space in the rehearsal hall. 

I am slowly sipping on my coffee and looking at you disdainfully as you approach me with a question.

Breaks are important.  And everyone deserves to take them.  INCLUDING YOU.  The show will not disintegrate if you stop thinking about it for 10 minutes. 

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Life cannot be a countdown to Peru where you have no control of time passing... If anything, life has to be like a stop watch: You start, pause, and erase all knowledge of time. It's better to take responsibilities on your actions than let fate take over.

IHR

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Cuando las ganas de levantarte de la cama no aparecen. Cuando te despistas de la nada. Cuando la concentración es invisible. Cuando te das cuenta que solo una persona se apodera de tus pensamientos. ¿En ese entonces te darás cuenta de los sentimientos encarcelados en tu corazón?

IHR

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Creativity flows like a river.

Let the fluids of the stream,

purify your conscience...

Because I know there’s a lot to decipher.

Since nothing is what it seems,

and the current is scribbles of nonsense... 

–IHR

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These are not tears streaming down my face

They are optimistic dreams leaving my soul

Because they are officially done replaying in my brain

Where my thoughts of a beyond with you are officially gone.

–IHR

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My First Time Declining A Job Offer.

Something interesting happened today... I received an unexpected email from a coworker from the theatre I interned at last summer, Barrington Stage Company. At first I was taken back, but then after reading the email I was ecstatic. She was offering me a job with the opportunity to work Off-Broadway with a director that I had worked with previously, also from my internship at BSC. Only in my dreams have I actually thought about working Off-Broadway. The fact that she even thought about me only made me realize that I left good impressions back at BSC.

Instantly, I realize that I will not be able to accept that job offer because I am contracted with my current internship in Orlando until May. No words will be able to describe what I felt in that moment. It was like saying goodbye to a someone that you’re just met but had wonderful chemistry with, knowing you will never see them ever again. 

I reached out to a few close friends and they all had different reactions. But one thing they all did agree on... They were proud of me... They all recognized what a wonderful opportunity this was even though I could not take it. Realization took over me in that moment. I realized that hard work pays off. I truly believe that if I had not worked my butt off last summer, this opportunity would have never presented itself. Now, the meaning of self-worth and work ethic is clear to me. 

In the end, declining this job offer is probably the hardest decision I have made so far in 2017, and we are only five days in! Even though right now it may seem like I will never get another opportunity like this again, I’m sure that if I keep working hard more opportunities will arise. Thanks universe for giving me the boost I needed to start off this year right. And remember to always keep an open mind... More opportunities will come. 

Clear.Sneak.Enter.Goodbye. 

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I want...

Someone who understands.

Someone to genuinely love.

Someone that makes me feel comfortable.

Someone.

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