#Captain Hook

[diaryofasugarfiend]

There is one where they do give him a tiny little stache. And also a soul patch for some reason.

[pinkspiderbug]

n y a h

[douglasbradburyverne]

Disney's "Peter Pan", BEHIND THE SCENES (Released on Feb 5th, 1953)

[jokesitos-art]

[kwistowee]

#future in-laws

[bigszs]

captain killian "hook" jones + text posts 8/?

[seaslugfanclub]

Disney parks: Our workers and characters are respectful and mature!

*(Y/N) and the Villains watching in hysterics as a streaker gets carried out by police*

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(Y/N), wearing a cheap party hat and holding a dollar store cake with the words “welcome to your nightmare” on it: We’ve been waiting for you all summer and we’re so glad you’re finally here!!

King Magnifico: Who the hell are you? Where’s my wife??

————————————-————————————-

Hook: *Shreiks* GET YOUR BLASTED BEASTS WOMAN!!!

Medusa: They don’t bite~

Hook clinging to the ceiling: YES THEY DO!!!

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Ratigan sitting on (Y/N)’s head: Tell me why I’m up here again?

(Y/N): I saw this in a movie and wanted to test it out. You can help me cook and stuff!

*Ratigan proceeds to use (Y/N) to go on a hours long rampage*

[oautincorrectquotes]

Rumple, coming back from shopping: Well, this has been a great day!

Belle: Mm, how so?

Rumple: I ran into Hook.

Belle: How is that great?

Rumple: With my car.

Belle:

[ballpitbee]

YARR

[anteroom-of-death]

I need to find more people who wanna fuck the 2003 Captain Hook and not the Once Upon a Time one, or I will start eating fiberglass.

[claudefrollosreddiamondring]

They so would all be best friends and do the funniest shit ever together #besties fr

[kerrsei]

"What manor of mutant rabbit carries an over sized pocket watch "

[what-is-my-aesthetic]

NO CAPTAIN HOOK HOLDING IT IN DOESN'T DO ANYTHING

[jokesitos-art]

Mmmm yeah.

[kwistowee]

OUAT 3.01 | The Heart of the Truest Believer

[seaslugfanclub]

Hello! I just wanna say I really like your Disney Villain writings, they are funny and really cute! Can I request where the Disney villains are fighting over who is Y/N’s favorite villain? I thought it would be funny

Oooh great idea! This one was so much fun to write! (Can you tell that Honest John’s my favorite?)

No, I’m their favorite!!

————————————

No one knows how the conversation subject was brought up, but it more than ruined the villians weekly poker night. Curses filled the air and sidekicks where used as meat shields.

“I’m easily (Y/N)’s favorite person out of all of us, no- this entire park!! No one is better friends than Gaston!!” The Frenchman boasted, loose hair’s flying around his face. “They regularly compliment my physique, and they sneak me in special hair products!! There’s no room for argument!”

“Oh please frenchie, (Y/N) isn’t as daft as the other cast members. They have taste for more refined gentlemen. Like yours truly.” Captain Hook scoffed, ignoring the glares from the other villians. “Might I remind you how they gifted me the entire trilogy of ‘The History of Piracy’? Or how much they enjoy my culinary skills? They have supper with me every Tuesday.” Hook affirmed, more than confident he had bested the competition.

That was quickly interrupted by a swift *bonk* on Hooks head, Jafar looming over the ex- pirate with his staff in hand.

“While I agree with (Y/N)’s taste, it surely isn’t a cowardly captain.”

“Why you-” Hook started, only to be bonked on the head again.

“Why me? Well that’s easy, I’m a very persuasive individual. I’m able to… ‘charm’ those in upper management to give (Y/N) longer breaks, or keep any unsavory park guests from harassing our dear caretaker. (Y/N) obviously favors someone who makes their job easier.”

“Your joking right? Didn’t I see (Y/N) yell at you for 30 minutes straight because you were eyeing that princess Jasmine?” Hades chimes in, finally deciding to butt into the conversation after watching the other villians argue from the sidelines. Jafar stopped speaking, averting his eyes and mumbling.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought. But c’mon guys, you know it’s ya boy here who’s (Y/N)’s number one pal.” Hades points his thumbs towards himself.

“I was one of the first people here who (Y/N) met, we knew each from day uno. I can’t count the amount of times that they’ve kept my shit-ass sun god of a brother from bugging me. And they even made the most adorable altar for me, with pomegranates and the whole works!!”

“Oh, so gauche. If it wasn’t for my expertise (Y/N) wouldn’t be half as stylish as they are. Not to mention our ‘girls nights’. I’ve opened an entire new world of skincare for them!” Cruella hissed. (Actually remembering she had to pick up (Y/N) that special cream made from horseshoe crabs)

A threadbare glove raised amidst the crowd, Honest John appearing from seemingly nowhere

“Im sorry to disappoint you all, but it’s myself who’s won (Y/N) heart. They’ve fallen for my effortless charm lock, stock, and barrel! I mean, I’ve been their nap partner countless a times, they quite enjoy cozying up to my fur.” John preened, smiling back at the memories of warm afternoons snuggled up next to (Y/N).

“Fur!? Why you little- I’ll skin you-”

“Just wait till (Y/N)-”

The poker room devolved into full out brawl, nearby cast members rushing into the room in attempt to break up the crowd. All the while, in an empty back room (Y/N) was sharing a sandwich with their guest.

“Y’know what, Ratigan?” They said between bites. “Your my best friend.”

The rat stared up at them, finishing his bite,

“…. Ew.”