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loveustarker · 6 years ago

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Hopeless Part 3

Fleeting moments are said to be the best. Tony thinks otherwise.

A/N: Okay not to say that I have some excuses...but I got some excuses. I retyped this FIVE times five. So uh please forgive me if the ending or even like halfway through some parts feel kind of weird lol I procrastinated way too long on this and kind of forgot how I wanted it to go. But hopefully, you guys enjoy it.

You can also read this on A03, I’ve already posted the link on my page. I have some important notes on there for you guys to read to

Trigger Warnings!

😣🕸🌪❌

Peter thought they tore this place down after Mr. Stark moved the Avengers building upstate. But here he was sitting on top of the old Avengers tower in only a sweatshirt and pants. He thought this through in the last few hours even with his mind in complete hysteria. He stopped by his building, blindingly chucking his Spider-Man suit in a corner of his room and changed before leaving again.

Aunt May still wasn’t home.

He was about to do something he’s had his mind on for a very long time, and everything that has been going on lately just confirmed the way he’s been feeling.

He was still dizzy from being sick and standing on the edge of the building just enhanced that feeling tenfold.

He didn’t care.

Nothing mattered anymore, because he clearly didn’t matter to anyone else that has been around him. He hasn’t felt this bad since uncle Ben died, and he tried so hard to crawl out of that dark hole but here he is again. It just seems like every move he makes is the wrong one, and when that starts to become a problem for everyone else then what’s the point in trying. He just felt so worthless, and pathetic he didn’t know what else he could do to make this feeling go away; this was his last resort.

He stepped closer to the edge of the building.

He felt tears start to gather in his eyes, a sob working its way out his mouth because this overwhelming feeling of dread was too much. The absolute weight of it was crushing his chest and he just wanted it to stop, he wanted everything to stop. He tilted his head back, trying to get his thoughts together, trying to get his mind to process what he was about to do. He was met with cloudy skies, not a star in sight and even mother nature didn’t give a fuck about it him. It would’ve been nice he could see at least one more star before leaving.

This just made him think of Mr. Stark and all the things he won’t be able to tell the man.

How he cherished him.

Appreciated him.

Cared for him.

Love him.

It doesn’t matter though; nothing matters at this point.

-Ring-

His phone was ringing.

How long was his phone ringing?

It was Mr. Starks ringtone.

He answered, tears filling his eyes again.

“Peter!”

“Peter, where are you?”

A frantic Tony Stark was something you do not get to hear that often, and yet here he was. He couldn’t even get his mouth to work before Tony was speaking again, it sounded like he was flying.

“Your suit is at home, so I know you’re not there.”

Silence. “Pete your Aunt is worried about you kid, come on,” Tony started, “I know what happened today, and I just want to talk to you please, Cap said you left in a rush and that you didn’t look too good.

”Peter scoffed.

Cap wasn’t worried about him, May wasn’t worried about him, and he wasn’t sure why Tony was acting like he was too.

“What do you mean, of course, they are worried about you,” Tony stated.

He must have said that out loud.

The last two days have been playing in Peters mind all day and the more he thought about it the more his heart broke. He doesn’t matter to anyone because if he did, he would not be in this situation right now. He wouldn’t be standing on the edge of the tallest building in New York hoping that the fall will kill him.

Kill Spider-Man.

That thought alone really grounded him, and for once in his life, he felt that this, this was something that he had to do and it felt right.

Mr. Stark was saying something but he quietly cut the man off with a whispered: “I’m sorry.”

“I….I’m s….sorry that I keep m….messing up,” Peter stuttered through his tears, “You told me…to be b….better.” Peter stated as he turned his back to the edge of the building. He looked up at the sky again, hoping to see something other than the foggy skies of New York.

No luck.

“I can’t live up to that,” Peter felt like he was about to pass out. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was still sick or all of the emotions he was feeling at once.

Tony was outright panicking now, “Where are you’s”, and “Please’s” being yelled into the phone because of course, he knew something bad was about to happen.

“I love you.”

It was said so quietly that Peter himself didn’t know if he said it or not, but it got Tony to be quiet for just that second.

And within that second, he hung up the phone, closed his eyes, and fell.

*

Tony was panicking now and he had never felt this kind of fear coursed through his body before. He knew the situation with Cap and everyone else needed to be handled because what happened at that meeting yesterday was just wrong. On top of that, the rundown he got from Rhodey on the mission just a few hours ago did not sit well with him at all. He was stuck in a meeting when he got the notification about some shit going off at the pier again. By the time he got there though it was over, Peter was gone, and according to Rhodey, it had not gone well for the kid.

In turn, he gave Steve a lot of choice words and told him that everyone was meeting at the facility again for an important gathering. That gathering was going to be a “We’re Sorry” party for Peter but the kid ran off, and Steve did mention that he did not look good at all.

So, when he flew to the boy’s apartment to find his suit crumpled in a corner, he got a little confused. His aunt hasn’t seen or heard from all day and she also explained the situation that happened yesterday which made Tony go on edge. The kid was clearly dealing with some shit, and everything that happened today must have gotten to him. To make matters worse he doesn’t have his suit on so the only way he could track him was having Friday scan his surroundings.

It was dark outside when he really began to worry because where the hell is his boy? It shouldn’t be taking him this long to find him, and he really thinks the kid is about to do something really stupid. He tried calling Peter’s phone a million times but he just wasn’t answering, and this point he’s ready to send out the entire NYPD to go look for him. That is until he tried the boy’s phone one more time, and he actually answered.

The relief he felt was soon leaving his body at the sound of Peter’s wrecked voice.

Peter was definitely on top of a building somewhere judging by the whistling of the wind coming through the phone. Tony was in a complete panic now; Peter was saying things that didn’t make any sense. Saying that he should have been better, that he was sorry, that Peter loved him.

Then the phone called ended.

“Friday track Peter’s location now!” he all but screamed.

He kicked his thrusters into overdrive as soon as he got the boys location. He didn’t know what the hell was going through Peter’s mind but Tony was going to have a long conversation with the boy. He needed Peter to know that he isn’t worthless that so many people loved him and appreciated him. The tower finally came into view and he felt his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach because something was falling from it.

Peter?

It was from Peter.

“PETER!”

The scream ripped out of his throat on instinct, the absolute fear of the situation gripping his heart tightly. He was pushing his suit, the flash of warning signs that his thrusters were at max was flashing in his face but he disregarded them. He needed to reach Peter before the boy could hit the ground, he had to reach him, he had to.

He was close now, just a few more inches and he could grab the front of Peter’s sweatshirt.

Just as his fingers grazed it, his thrusters gave out. He was free falling for just a few seconds, but in those seconds, he couldn’t catch up to the boy in front of him. And by the time his thrusters came back online, it was too late.

*

Peter’s never felt so free before, he was used to swinging through Queens knowing that his web would catch him. Don’t get him wrong, experiencing that always felt good but this, knowing that he’s not going to save himself from this fall felt fleeting. He was barely conscious his mind hazy, and eyes still watery as he continued to look up at the sky as he fell.

He wasn’t sure if he was hearing things, or maybe it was the wind whipping pass his ears. But he swore he could hear the familiar sound of Ironman’s thrusters. He eyes fixed on a shiny dot that was above him and at the very last second, he felt a small smile work its way across his face.

He finally got to see another star before he left after all.

*

The ceremony was nice and everyone showed up.

Every last Avenger that fought alongside Peter was there to pay their respects except one.

Everyone knew that Tony blamed himself for not being able to save Peter. He felt like he did not place at the boy’s funeral because it wouldn’t be right, even though May insisted.

The only reason why Tony came back to the states is because he knew that they were having Peter’s funeral today. He’s been on some island drinking himself into a stupor the night after the incident. He couldn’t even face May himself.

The coward he is, he called Pepper and Rhodey that night, told them what just happened and waited from them to get there.

He breathed a shaky “I can’t do this” to Pepper who was already frantic and flew off.

Now he’s back at the facility trying to figure out if he should at least show his face at the reception.

Getting into the elevator he hit the button that would take him to his private rooms. Sighing he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to get himself together because deep down he knew he needed to be there, to show some kind of respect to Peter’s family at least.

Opening his eyes, a flash of red and blue caught his eye.

“Jarvis go down one room!” he exclaimed.

“Sir, I do not think that at this time is—“NOW!”

The elevator started to descend back down one floor, the doors slid open and Tony’s heart almost stopped.

The room was still decorated.

Big red and blue “We Are Sorry” balloons are still floating from the chairs that it was tied to. The red and blue decoration that exploded onto the walls, the fixtures, everything was still there. All of Peter’s favorite games were already set out, ready to play with everyone. His favorite kinds of cupcakes, cookies, and brownies, were still sitting on its dish on the counter. It’s a miracle that nothing was crawling all over them.

No one thought to clean up.

Tony stepped back into the elevator, he walked back until he was backed up against the wall. Sliding down until he was sitting pathetically on the ground, a sob making its way out.

There was no way he can go to that reception.

Not like this.

Not after what he could have prevented.

Tony has never felt so hopeless.

#kinda starker but not really #tony stark #peter parker #the avengers like i said are assholes #very sad #sadpeter #sorry boo #suicide

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