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[lucidityof9]

Happy Equinox.

21.September.2024

Saturday

IUD

I just pulled my copper IUD out myself. Hardest part was getting ahold of the string.

Blessed Autumn Equinox

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19.September.2024

Serial killer hunting me, turns out I got him. Sexual energy afoot. Hunting the hunter. Stuck him with a dozey needle.

Who’s side.

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17.August.2024

Dreams of J, a dream friend of his & I packing to leave for years.

Me, struggling to find little items and clothing in a last minute panic. Trying to get my goodbyes in with tears.

His dream friend being soft and supportive. Him being tense and demanding for time.

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Core creations

3.Aug.2024

I’ve had the most sensual dreams lately.

Dreamt of a recent book character last night (). Night before and the one before it’s all been a similar being my unconscious has created as the perfect lover. Something my brain desires so deeply it hurts some days. What a tease.

I have a type..

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Dream Lover

He swept me away from the late busy of the night, dawn was drifting in. Hazey and slow morning after a long night of glam and dancing all over. The busy bustle of a medium city. He spoke little, motioned much and we communicated with much more than gestures. Little words if any. He took dominance, kindly and softly. He was a smooth cut man, medium straight shaggy hair with a big smile of teeth. Dark hair. Soft skin. Love in ever gesture and touch.

He cabbed us to a hotel, he swiftly got us a room. Warm colors and gold hues. He drew a bath for me and motioned for me to get in privately. I followed his offerings without question. He turned as I stripped. Soaking the night off me. Soon after, robing me in a black silk, leaving me to a quick shower himself.

Everything, every little movement and feeling was titillating, warm, safe and awakening. All around us and between us.

The desire fierce and growing. The unspoken about tension of the possibility between us in this room for us. This bed. Unknown flesh between us. I yearned for him deeply with every second. Yet, I wished the tension could go on forever. On the edge of being unearthed completely between us. He seemed the same, almost painfully keeping himself at bay from ripping into me.

Delicious desires of the unknown flesh. We yearn.

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Deals with demons

My right ear, stuck in my right ear was a possessed item. Sealed in with a red Japanese spell around it. Like a small bundle of fabric and dried herb sticks all bundled together. Lodged stuck in my ear. I’m my head. With a dozen thin long needles sporadically sticking out as well. Not in a way that you could pull clean. In order to dislodge it, it was not something to be physically done.

But a bargain, because the item lodged in my ear is possessed with an entity. Cursed to pain me there unless i make a sacrifice or trade with it.

Telepathic agreements spoken; it takes all the ability from the right side of my face. Unable to smile or show sadness. No emotion to be expressed, no movement anymore. Half my face motionless..

as the cursed item dislodges, turning into dust and ash into nothing in the air. The needles pulling out crookedly be an invisible hand. Melting into thin air.

My attention drawn downward, I catch eye of more long thin silver slivers sticking out from my atop my inner hip. Where is guess my overdoes to be. Below the belly button 3-4 inches. Soft and sensitive inner curve. Long long needles. Lodged deep within the innards.

…

Faded memory or the dream. I sacrifice some toes for this cursed item to be free of me.

[waking life: my ears itch raw at night, stuffy sounds & dryness. So much so I scratch in my sleep till they bleed sometimes. Friday I had elastic put on the inside of my colon, the pain and bleeding has been constant for days. The inner inflammation is real. Exorcize me! Please. Bleeding from all holes. -Bloody Becky]

I’m so happy I’ve got to reference this animation so much this week though 😅

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Familiar close faces and many landscapes.

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The house, nighttime, being chased/hunted. By an entity. Something. Hiding the kitten [a new addition to the family], in a room deep within. Stone walled, fireplaces, warm and safe. The heart of the home. A room inside this room. Heavy wooden doors.

Dream changes; morning light, the walls open up, people are in the home, ceiling grow high and as I walk through the house, parts have been added and restored/remodelled to a newer use. Bright and renewed. Others have moved in thinking it vacant, but o proclaim it’s my inheritance and i will live here

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Reality

Often my memories can be blurred with dreams I’ve had. Some so vivid, places I’ve been in both waking & slumber. Slumber that drifts into daily routine within my subconscious beat.

I go real places in current time when I drift lucidly at night.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell, where my physical foot has been & my metal eye.

Curious to me. Confusing to some.

[lucidityof9]

Friday 13

First night without SNRIs in a year. Woke with intense zaps. Slept so heavily and well.

Snow sliding in to river side military stakes our party. I was swimming nude to catch hot young guy males attention. Later found myself snagging drunk grads leftover bags of items Laos by the river.

Nighttime house of horrors. Puzzle house you can escape with dark entities trying to get you. Land end all. There were people there stuck on the edge of the land in limbo, spirits never able to leave bud were never caught. Like a pocket, island or a memory that you couldn’t leave. Always dark always running. Twisting and turning.

Two part bar or the dead, like a waiting space of the after life. We escaped into the town. Held up in an old iron shop type building or metal. Thought we could hold out. We got caught and jailed.

Dragons growing, royal family, older days of broom dresses and corsets. Stone and fire everywhere. Grounded. Community watching for one another. Even as the dragons grew to betray the royal family , my family. They were pets grown to beasts who now hunted us and anything. As animals do. Not a scary dream, more noticing the community taking us in as we hid from the devouring flying creatures finding refuge.

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Black blades, sex slaves, black market surgeries

12•Sept•2023, main bdrm solo.

Oversleeping the morning

DREAM: Um, well, a women who get kidnapped with her newborn. She manages to trade the newborn out of she promises the kidnapped her body. In my dream it was always night, always a clear night. People looked for her but they gave up. 8 years of rape and being kept prisoner in a home with this man. Until one day she manages to get his trust enough to get to something sharp and she slit his balls when he can to see her, then his throat.

Smooth, calculated, not a blink to look over him as she steps away over his fleshy bloody mound on the floor.

After escaping she went to the place she new her daughter went. Turns out the old man that took the daughter was an insanely rich old guy by strange dirty money. He operated an underground surgical procedure clinic. She managed find herself there, slipping in through the rather gorey looking muscle at the entrance.

It was looming like an old hospital in there, hints of old pink and yellow on the walls. Upon entering it turned into a main checkered floor hall. Drips of blood on the floor or curtains on each room she passed. Uncomfortable amounts of blood splatter. Some rooms empty left with the presence of something unusual had happened, others had oddly wrapped patients, one with gauze around his entire head/face, another with a two nurses holding a patient down and the doctor (looking like a middle aged surfer with a drinking problem), climbs up on the patient lying strapped on the table, his shirt open, her chest skin peeled back, ready to operate. Maybe some sort of implant?

She gets to a room that’s empty, but she sees tools laying out. Shiny, sharp and laid there for her to choose anything as she may have needed in self defence.

She leans in unison as someone in a hospital gown stumbles into the doorway behind her, mumbling and loud, startling her. Before she could move to react, a tall looming body steps in behind the bumbling patient. Swiftly and quite. A long black sharp blade slices the neck then impales down the spine. The tall suited black body guard she passed at the front. A large woman, grim appearance but sharp and clean like her blade. Rather masculine. Throws the patient aside and steps in the room ignoring her.

The blade is all shine, well taken care of the length of an arm but not full sword length. Black handle, with a unique addition near the handle. Something protective and sharp to keep the hand well while holding. The looming shadow of a person leans the blade directly beside the women, while stepping past the women.

Uncaring if she touched it, noticing maybe she more admired it? The tall one dressed in black rummages, opening cabinets and pulls out other blades. Just as sharp, shiny, unique and certainly not for surgery’s sake. The women and the dream focuses on the beauty and well kept weapons. The spots of blood. The way the blood can’t by seen on the black blade at all, only as it drips to the white tile on the floor do you realize it’s coated in blood.

The movie : Bloody Mary as reference to feel.

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Perfect boyfriend

5•July•2023

He was tall, looming over me in the softest way. Younger good looking but only younger by a couple years. Dark, brown blonde hair, a smile, infectious, and big, like Jay’s. He wore a white button up shirt, casual. Would offer me his arm to hang over giving me attention constantly, always looking for my eye contact. yet a slightly attuned attention to little details everywhere. Slight grab of my chin for eye connection, sometimes a kiss. Firm but softly. The feeling of that overwhelming warmth in your heart from wanting to be around him, to being around him. It felt so safe and warm and electric.  the sexual tension was there, but he almost never leaned into it. It was incredibly refreshing to have somebody want your presence, and only your presence. Only your attention. The sexual energy felt so natural. 

He got along with people, well, with us, happy open demeanor, but not overly ecstatic. A good balance of positive interaction. In the dream we drove around with three others. It kept evolving as the adventure went. In and out of the vehicle. I even came up to them during work when I came to visit the market in town. It was so immediate to, want to be in my presence. Extremely attentive and present. Lots of PDA. Oddly enough, I had asked him to be my other boyfriend. In the middle of asking, he got distracted by a chocolate pastry he wanted to buy us lol. Another odd point in the dream was that he had a son. He had next to no ego, pure, innocent confidence. Good karmic intentions overall. Learned from deep understandings of the darker parts of life.

No he didn’t smoke thankfully

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Twins & Beach Trains

22•June•2023 ~New moon

Dreams are growing longer & more vivid.

Now that we sleep full 8 hours. Maybe it’s the emotions sleep by in me while the medication (SNRI) suppresses. Maybe it’s the fullness in my life.

I lived the full growth of pregnancy. Jays offspring. From the growing, rounding belly, water breaking, I assuredly and stand fast to pull forth the babe myself. In the nature. Among the stars, water, trees and breeze with my loves there safely. Birthed them, and the placenta. There was a girl & a boy. Duality. I recall the detail of cleaning the birth matter and blood from their little wrinkled bodies with raw instinct.

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Discord & buttholes

Unfortunately lately my dreams have been nothing but fever dreams. A mess from my medication. Not true dreams. Jumbles and discomfort. My emotions trying to seep out in dream state.

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Muk tuk

In my dream I was given seal blubber to chew on. It was salty chewy and you kept it in your cheek to chew for an hour or so. The body like the good fats and the meat killed respectfully.

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Dreams of my dreams

Three graves: 3 best friends.

A, S, I

A was first

I dug them and planted them ready with herbs, beautiful plants, and tree around to grow tall.

(Oddly it was started in a familiar house, in a living room)

{I’d like to own a funeral lot. Where we only bury you the way we came into this world. Laid with plants, herbs, mushrooms, flowers of all kinds. Where we grow a forest amongst our dead. Bringing life to our lives done.}

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[After a night off Dev. (for a night out at a caper wig house party) my dreams gave me all the lovely things in one creation!]

19.Dec.2022

A building filled with a warm atmosphere. a place of water, comforts and places to be social. All aspects. The lighting was perfect. The flow of people, the maze like rooms, the levels unlike any regularly laid out square building. I was having the time of my life.

The pool room had no gravity, an inviting cool feel. People were playing above the water, like a floating game of volleyball.

I went to change in the showers room, which I quickly realized, had a very heavy sexual atmosphere, and a lot of attractive females. Anime scene here we are. I had to pee quickly and had someone peep at me trying to flirt 😂

Found myself walking along the pier to the establishment (large one indeed), found the combat grounds! Shooting range, fighting, archery, swords… all of it 🤩⚔️

I walked out to a garden lit atmosphere, laid out a lawn walkway on either side. There was what looks like cabin buildings with wide-open glass fronts, too be inviting. All with different themes and feels. I found myself laying in one, on a large large bed, a room full of cats and kittens gravitating towards laying with me on the bed. I was so giddy!

[Why was my brain giving me all the dopamine?! On the night I skipped the dev? Hmmm curious. Especially the way my brown reacted before on some. My suppressed feels would come out in my dreams. More intensely than I’ve ever felt in waking life about three years prior. So intense]