m-connors-creativetech

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Alison as a Child

Over this semester I have created an ‘old-home-video’ styled video for a character (Alison) from another project. I decided to make this as an aspect for my Studio Project because it will show that ‘Alison’ had a ‘normal’ happy/average middle-class kiwi childhood. I believe that that is important for the audience of my Studio project to know.

It is also important for me because I am interested in video editing and performing and before I graduate I want to remember my roots and how it all began. From a very young age I started performing, I would perform for anyone who would watch or potentially walk past my driveway, or when there way no one there, I would find Mum’s camcorder and record myself. I loved performing and I loved that camera. It provided endless hours of home-made documentaries, interviews and movies - which of course I starred in or directed; but in many cases - both. That is why I wanted to go back to my childhood and create a VHS home-styled movie, using only the original analog technology.

Because I wanted to work with VHS, I wanted to keep it honest and authentic. I had looked at a VCR App that could be downloaded onto my iPhone or even a converter to change the VHS to an editable digital file. I didn’t want any of these options because they were not keeping true to the art form of VHS.

I studied how old home-movies used to be made which lead to decisions such as; me talking while filming, zooming in and out, filming long/semi pointless moments, leaving moments for footage underneath to show through between cuts and handheld filming only with the camera wobbling around every now and then. I did all the filming on a 20 year-old VHS camcorder which means that it is the correct technology for the film’s era. It was also filmed on old tapes that have been filmed on before to give an authentic grain and low-definition look to it.

As I enjoy digital video editing I wanted to challenge myself to editing completely in analog. As I didn’t record in chronological order and the character jumps in age throughout, I needed to edit the raw footage. As I discovered in my research, what was found on old VHS tapes was often not related, in chronological order or entire clips. I also needed to fill the entire tape with relevant footage without too many repetitions. This is when I decided to also go through my families old home-videos to edit in bits of footage from my own childhood. In doing this, I had to make sure that it was all footage that could pass as Alison (no-one saying “Melissa”).

Whilst editing I used a VHS Tape Adapter to be able to edit from a VHS-C tape in the camcorder through the VCR and back onto a VHS-C tape. This was needed because I wanted my final product to be an analog installation playing through the camcorder. I decided to present my work through the camcorder because I liked the idea of it being ‘authentic’. The camera has the correct proportioned screen for the video and I like that it is small. Small is more private and exclusive rather relaying it to a larger screen of many to watch.

As the camcorder will be within my Studio exhibition which is semi-interactive, this also helped lead me to my decision to keep it all analog. I will leave the camcorder in the space and the audience will be able to fast forward and rewind the video as they please.

I am happy how my project has developed and panned out. My original installation idea was not inspiring me anymore and I needed to deviate from my plan. I’m so glad that I did because it has been enjoyable to use the old technology again but also to realise how lucky we have got it with modern editing software. Analog editing is extremely time consuming with having to record in real time, fast forward and rewind to go back to a particular spot and having hours of footage to sort through without the ease of a computer.

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Lost and Found - Concept Statement

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

It is interesting to consider the way our identity is constructed. While identity is often thought to be the basis of who you are as a person, it is not something that is fixed. The way we show ourselves to others is very much a mask that we wear, our identities are ever changing, pulled and constructed from what we see and how we want to be seen. Everyone has insecurities in regards to their identity yet we can cover them up and they remain unspoken of.  Is what we show an accurate representation of ourselves or just a projection of who we want to be seen to be. Particularly in today’s world we are constantly surrounded by images of perfection and reminded all the time of what society thinks we should be like. It is normal these days for people alter their bodies, hair and clothing as well as how they act to try fit into social situations. People often lack in self-confidence and hide their weaknesses. Why be yourself when you can alter to be exactly what others want to see.

We want to explore this idea of our identity being something that does change, as it is an issue that we are faced with every day. The way we act, dress or think is so heavily influenced by the people we are surrounded, but more so our concern for what they think of us. It is an issue so relevant to us, yet not often talked about. Our aim in this piece is to raise some thoughts around these topics. We wanted the focus for this performance piece to not so much be on something that would just look appealing on the surface but we wanted to create a piece that was a little confronting and would get our audience thinking. We wanted our piece to provoke some thoughts towards the subject of identity and raise questions for them in regards to whom your outer/portrayed identity is really for.

A big part of this performance piece is the shared experience we are creating. We thought it would be interesting to have everyone together in this tight space. I would not only give a sort of claustrophobic, uncomfortable feeling but also to provide a contrast to how we usually think about these elements of identity. These ideas that we are communicating are about how we all have different types of identity that we portray to the world, depending on who is watching. These things that we portray are so often shaped by societal pressures to be a certain way, for example “I’m too quiet” “not good enough” “not thin enough”. These are things that we usually only think about in our own minds. In our performance piece the audience members are almost forced to consider these ideas and insecurities in the company of others who are considering the same ideas. It brings an often personal subject out into the open into a shared experience.

Our process for creating this piece was largely about talking through our ideas towards the subject and how we thought we could represent those ideas. We also took a lot of influence from the dressing room space we were creating in.

The first thing the audience will focus on in this performance is the large silhouette, this silhouette is surprisingly confronting. The audience is exposed to the actor behind the white sheet performing personal yet ‘normal’ everyday actions. This will all be over exaggerated and slowed right down to allow to viewer to observe these gestural actions. It will feel as if you are watching someone in their personal space, viewing very normal things that you wouldn’t usually watch. We thought it was fitting to use a dressing room, as that is where people get dressed do their makeup or hair etc. People use mirrors to make sure they are presenting themselves accordingly for different situations or how they feel would be acceptable to other people. Mirrors are also very confronting, they give that unusual feeling of being completely surrounded by different versions of yourself and of others in the room.

Tracing the silhouettes on the mirrors, each of us having a different perspective is looking at how identities are seen and interpreted so differently by different people in different situations. We are also writing on these mirrors writing things that might be inner thoughts, things many of us consider but would never share with an audience. Our words and drawings will get attention even in the dark space with a small LED light to the end of the pen. This works to light up a small section of the mirror and follows the writing/ drawing. It also lights up the mask in the mirrors. With the white masks that we wear, we wanted to take away our identities, so we are all the same. We are the self-reflection, the different thoughts/people in the mind of the silhouette figure. With the room we perform in we wanted to push everyone into a closer space. Blocking off the room would create a more symmetrical environment and hide unwanted space which was distracting in the mirrors, we covered up the space that we don’t want the public to see as we do with ourselves. It would also force the viewers into a closer space to be tightly confined but also to have a better view of all performance aspects. We wanted the space to have a sound element that would really enhance the whole experience. As out music gathers in intensity so do our movements, our movements are not set but reactive to the situation and how we feel.

We were influenced initially by the interactive installation Measuring the Universe by Roman Ondak. The way that gradually as more and more people participated the wall filled and the space became transformed. It would also be interesting to have been a part of this, to share the experience with all the others in the room at the time and all the others that had been through the space. Another influence for us was, Up Against by Cheryl Pope. We were influenced by the way she was able to represent internal thoughts and conflicts of the mind in a performance piece in a way that the viewer could question their own thoughts toward the subject.

This piece was largely driven by our own self-revelations. Once we began to talk about the subject we found we had many shared thought towards it. We all come from different backgrounds so we wanted it to be something that was inclusive of all of us. It was about discovering thoughts for each of us that we don’t usually share in a public situation and trying to find a way to create a piece where the audience could experience this too. Our performance is aimed at anyone who is not yet sure of their identity, and open to questioning what their identity really is and who it is for.

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Final Performance

I am really happy with the outcome of our final performance. Yes, if we had more time there is definitely aspects that I would have liked to refine a bit more, such as audience perspective and the audio sound track being the major two aspects with flaws.

Though another aspect that none of our group had realised which come up in our feedback session, was that a few people found the silhouette kind of sexual/sexy. This was not intended at all and was supposed to be the naked, natural form of a body. I was meant to be exploring my body in it’s most natural form, without any additions that we feel obliged to obtain due to societies expectations/various masks we put on. I am unsure if this ‘sexual’ vibe was due to connections to my last performance or if it just could have been perceived that way.

But overall I think our performance went to plan and that the majority of the audience felt and understood our concept clearly.

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A snip-it of my project. Any longer will take days to upload with the great quality broadband we have in Thames.

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The aftermath. How the mirrors ended up looking after our final performance.

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A happy team of performers after our last class.

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Dress rehearsal. As part of the testing phase we did a few full dress rehearsals to refine our performance and test that all the elements worked together.

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A few long days. As a group we had many meetings outside of class time. As the project came along, we stopped meeting in other locations and decided it would be best to work in our chosen space. This way we can be inspired by the space and be able to actively test things. In these meetings we discussed our concept, defined our performance elements, trialled performance aspects, mixed and recorded our audio....and TESTED.

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Silhouette

I have ended up being the silhouette even though I wanted to be out writing on the walls because everyone wanted the silhouette to be there but no one wanted to do it. I had been the silhouette for most of the trials ad so I was forces to take one for the team and be the blank/natural figure.

The silhouette resembles the blank canvas the every person has under their various masks and outer layers. It is completely natural and that is why we wanted it to look as nude as possible. We are not born with clothes - they are just a societal expectation.

I am exploring my natural form and have an internal confliction of what mask to wear for the day. The rest of the performance space is to resemble my internal thoughts and mental space.

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Space

Right at the start we were really struggling to refine any ideas for our performance. There was just endless opportunities. This is when I decided that we should all go exploring and get out of the Black Box for a break. This is when we found the dressing room. I loved the various mirrors that cause different effects and multiple reflections. I liked working the the restriction of the fact that it was such a small space and that EVERYTHING could be seen from every angle. Even though it proved a challenge, the space is really what defined our entire performance. Giving yourself a restriction is a fantastic way to create sometimes.

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Costuming

We decided to put my internal identity masks in full black costumes with a white mask as to take away their identity. The other performers were faceless ‘masks’ and identity personalities that I could chose from.

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Our team timeline, run sheet and space set-up.

RUN SHEET: Enlarge photos to see higher quality pic sorry hard to see :)

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Experimenting with the silhouettes, in the dressing room - our performance space. Using a phone light as the backlight with tape over it to bull the light even more.

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“I go through phases. Somedays I feel like the person I’m supposed to be, and then somedays, I turn into no one at all. There is both me and my silhouette. I hope that on the days you find me and all I am are darkened lines, you still are willing to be near me.” ―Mary Kate Teske

drawing by Moisés Mahiques

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"There are countless ingredients that make up the human body and mind, like all the components that make up me as an individual with my own personality. Sure, I have a face and voice to distinguish myself from others, but my thoughts and memories are unique only to me, and I carry a sense of my own destiny. Each of those things are just a small part of it. I collect information to use in my own way. All of that blends to create a mixture that forms me and gives rise to my conscience."

Major Motoko Kusanagi, Ghost In The Shell

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Meeting Outcomes

Group meeting Wed 14th October. We had another meeting to clarify more of the concept and organise what we would need to buy and bring for Thursdays class to practice. We discussed using a smoke machine as it would create a more misty airy feel. I will source one of these for us to trial and use. We also discussed sound. We like the idea of found and more natural sounds then backing music. We thought Becky could maybe create live music on the day layering different sounds including the shower, voice and other daily noises. We plan to bring masks a pen to test and fabric for silhouettes tomorrow for class. Tomorrow in class we plan to finalise the performance and write out concept statement out.

IDENTITY – Who we are, how we act around certain demographics / people / groups of friends –  Insecurities –  accurate representations of people or just projections of who the individual wants to be seen

– The way we show ourselves to others is like a mask that we wear, our identities are always changing. We see and how we want to be seen. Everyone has insecurities in regards to their identity yet we can cover them up and they remain unspoken of.

– People often lack in self-confidence and hide their weaknesses. Why be yourself when you can alter to be exactly what other want to see.

CONFRONTING NATURE – Audience is exposed to the actor behind the white sheet performing personal yet ‘normal’ everyday actions. Eg: Pretends to shave legs, stroke hair etc. This will all be over exaggerated and slowed right down to allowed to viewer to observe these gestural actions.   – Claustrophobic for audience in the tight space. Maybe we could run the shower to thin the air…

PERFORMANCE

– silhouettes: Confronting   – mirrors/performance space:  We thought it was fitting to use a dressing room, as that is where people Get dressed do their makeup or hair etc. People use mirrors to make sure they are presenting themselves accordingly for different situations or how they feel would be acceptable to other people. – masks: Taking away our identities, so we are all the same. We are the different thoughts/people in the mind of the silhouette figure. – Writing/drawing on the walls: Writing things that wouldn’t normally be shared with the audience. Drawing around the silhouettes. Self reflecting, trying t outline a person, but their silhouette, our view of them is always changing. – White sheet: Pushing everyone into a closer space. blocking off the room would create a more symmetrical environment and hide unwanted space which was distracting in the mirrors. It would also force the viewers into a closer claustrophobic space space where they will also have a better view of all performance aspects – LED Lights on pens: attaching a small LED light to the end of the pen. This works to light up a small section of the mirror and follows the writing/ drawing. It also lights up the mask in the mirrors. highlights different aspects of identity at different moments

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"We have all worn a metaphorical mask at one point or another."

Lynette Simeone