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"I asked ChatGPT--"

Yeah well, I asked the wasps nest in my attic. It sang its answer so beautifully to me, but I am so very afraid of it. Perhaps it will soothe my itching soul...

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Jonathan Sims is the human embodiment of 'I can fix him,' except the only person he’s trying to fix is himself—and he’s doing a terrible job. You’d think a man with access to infinite knowledge might use it to get some emotional intelligence, but no.

He’s too busy swinging between paranoid micromanagement and self-destructive guilt spirals to even try. He treats his assistants like expendable canaries in his cursed coal mine, then acts shocked when they end up traumatized.

He’s the sort of person who thinks ‘trust issues’ are a personality trait, except he’s also actively earning them.

Let’s not even talk about his love life. You’re telling me this man can stare down an ancient cosmic Eye but breaks down the moment someone loves him too much or too little? Jonathan ‘I can handle this’ Sims can barely handle a cup of tea without overthinking if it’s poisoned.

He’s so busy obsessing over the truth that he’s never even met self-awareness. He’s not a tragic hero—he’s a walking disaster, and the most tragic part is he knows it, and he still won’t change.

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Jurgen Leitner is like a bad penny except instead of bad luck, he brings cursed books and a smug sense of incompetence.

Imagine collecting enough haunted texts to start a paranormal library, then acting shocked when they all try to kill you.

He’s the guy who runs headfirst into the eldritch abyss and then writes a strongly worded letter about how unfair it is.

‘Oh no, my books are evil!’ Yeah, Jurgen, that’s what happens when you collect more cursed tomes than sense.

At this point, he's basically a horror genre OSHA violation

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Elias Bouchard is like a cursed Victorian portrait, all smug smiles.

Imagine having the power of infinite knowledge and still choosing to be the world’s most pretentious HR nightmare. He’s the kind of boss who sends ‘circling back’ emails with the same energy as a Bond villain explaining their evil plan.

Every time he speaks, it’s like getting emotionally paper-cut, and the worst part? He knows exactly how much it hurts. Honestly, someone needs to file a complaint with The Eye’s HR department—except, oh wait, he is HR.

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IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL HAND!?!

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eliaspilled bouchardmaxxing

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Have you all your finders, my deer friend?

You shell arrive in where you find yourself once youve found where you find yourself now.

Dear The Doorman,

I only have one request for you. Considering you cannot, or don't know how to, let us out. Either could be very possible where the idea of "one or the other" does not seem to exist.

I would like to know how you got here. Who are you, The Doorman?

Eh am, thank you for your inqueeriry

We, The Doorman,

Am every person here and there ,we was once a an i and we do not remember much of that "life" before the doors and ways and forests and caves of my entity, my love, my heart, my blood.

We are as much of you as you are of them.

Sinsirtinly,

And yours truely we the doorman.

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You'll soon find your way to we, my deer.

We are waiting for your arrival, kind the rabbit squairls they do tend to bite at you, as you should know by now.

Dear The Doorman,

I only have one request for you. Considering you cannot, or don't know how to, let us out. Either could be very possible where the idea of "one or the other" does not seem to exist.

I would like to know how you got here. Who are you, The Doorman?

Eh am, thank you for your inqueeriry

We, The Doorman,

Am every person here and there ,we was once a an i and we do not remember much of that "life" before the doors and ways and forests and caves of my entity, my love, my heart, my blood.

We are as much of you as you are of them.

Sinsirtinly,

And yours truely we the doorman.

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This is so cool.

apologies for the delay. had to make a whole new graph to extend the y-axis because buck will never stop saying this man's name.

(click for quality pls)

(also check out my lino prints if you'd like ehehehe- https://forms.gle/Jov7NHahyqr1xTFPA)

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Dear The Doorman,

I only have one request for you. Considering you cannot, or don't know how to, let us out. Either could be very possible where the idea of "one or the other" does not seem to exist.

I would like to know how you got here. Who are you, The Doorman?

Eh am, thank you for your inqueeriry

We, The Doorman,

Am every person here and there ,we was once a an i and we do not remember much of that "life" before the doors and ways and forests and caves of my entity, my love, my heart, my blood.

We are as much of you as you are of them.

Sinsirtinly,

And yours truely we the doorman.

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The doorman is going to bed.

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Dear The Doorman,

Let us out please. Theres to much here and yet not enough. I don’t remember life on the outside I don’t even know if I exist outside this technicolor darkness that are these hallways.

I need out my body tells me I need out— We need out, I have my wife.

No one left to give regards,

[Static].

Deer odd "human",

I am sorry i send my regards but i cannot.

You are both stuck in the round.

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Of course and it is "the doorman", the "the" is a unfortunately part of the name.

Dear Thing that haunts me and brings me no peace,

Do the spiral squirrels like peanuts or cashews? I found a box of assorted nuts labeled "to keep the squirrels out of your skin" and thought I’d consult with you.

Sincerely,

the being that was once a real person

DO NOT GIVE THEM NUTS,

they will attempt to put you under there skin it is disturbing because they do not have the skin to do so. If you must feed them, i would suggest rotten beans or toothpaste.

Sincerely,

The doorman.

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Dear Thing that haunts me and brings me no peace,

Do the spiral squirrels like peanuts or cashews? I found a box of assorted nuts labeled "to keep the squirrels out of your skin" and thought I’d consult with you.

Sincerely,

the being that was once a real person

DO NOT GIVE THEM NUTS,

they will attempt to put you under there skin it is disturbing because they do not have the skin to do so. If you must feed them, i would suggest rotten beans or toothpaste.

Sincerely,

The doorman.

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🚪

Get in the door

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🚪🚪🚪

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ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

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Oooo get in door 💫

👁️👁️👁️

🚪🚪🚪