maayanaonthemove - Tumblr blog

[maayanaonthemove]

Happiness

I don't want to stand

In your way

To happiness

I just want to be

A part of it.

10 May 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Unlovable

I feel miles and miles away

And so unlovable

I don't know how you do it

I just hope you are not

Pretending

I am pretending I know what I am doing

Every day I go there and pretend

Hours go by

Days now turned to weeks

It is a short term contract

Now even shorter

Maybe the blood will know

Guide me through this madness

So it makes sense

Maybe medication is where we go

Back to

Forever he said

You will need to take those forever

It was a nice break without

But now it is time

We must become a robot again

Do the work

Sustain us

It is okay

A small price to pay

For us to go on living

I just hope you will stay

When I stop having feelings.

[maayanaonthemove]

No regrets

I do not regret having had feelings

For you

Are a worthy recipient

Even if this road cannot be travelled

I do not regret having had feelings

To feel anything strongly

Is never time wasted

It is time spent

Living

A comfort having some destination

Reached

Instead of waiting at a platform

Unknown

I do not regret having had feelings.

22 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

[maayanaonthemove]

Big brother

Big brother said to wait

Only book the flights

Closer to the date

Another war is brewing

This one

Even worse

So I guess

Hell isn't fully on the loose, yet?

Is he saying more awaits?

More suffering

More rockets

Blindly falling

Ready to collect the toll

Their bag of souls

I have so many loves

I have been so lucky so far

Is the luck going to run dry?

Have I pushed it too far?

I don't want to lose my family

I don't want to lose my sanity

Not again, anyways

I just want everyone to live

Our side, their side

Everyone is held hostage

Some underground

Some displaced

Some dead

I don't want to lose friends

Is this game ever going to end?

[maayanaonthemove]

Pika

Last night I saw you

Right before you climbed to our bed

I only caught an outline

A glimpse of so much naked you

So beautiful

So broken by us and so tired

But then you touched my arm

Like that

And we went to sleep

As if we were really

Married

Anew

Newly together

Close and embracing

Loving

In the middle of our sleep

didn't muffle my screams

I wasn't scared you will wake

I thought of you

With me

Like that

But free

Once more with

Desire

And now I can't wait to share

What you were doing to me in my sleep

And how I got there.

09 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Booty call

I still secretely wish to see

What it will feel

You inside of me

Me inside of you

Simple stuff

Climax delivered in twos

Nothing surreal

Nothing unreal

No prerequisite of knowing

Just our bodies

Closely touching

Hard

Wet

Connecting

In all the right places

So much in sync

All the

Touch in all the right ways

So when you send me

That

"Hey let's hang out.."

Please let me know

If it is a booty call

Heck, you can copy paste

This poem

I will so come over

In a

Heart beating

I promise to leave it

At the door

It will keep my boots company

It will keep my boots warm.

09 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

[maayanaonthemove]

[maayanaonthemove]

Survivor's guilt

There is a part of me

That hopes that when I go visit

See home once more

I might be set free

There is a small part of me

Taking solace in knowing

I might finally die passively

In a huge grandiose ridiculous explosion

like so many others before

Small sacrifices to the alter of hating

If they can salvage anything

After I am left in pieces

I hope my pieces will rest well in others

I don't want anyone to avenge my death

I think I just want rest.

07 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Practice being human

I am now practicing saying

"I am feeling"

To help me understand

What is happening

To my body

I am feeling sad

I am feeling happy

I am feeling loved

I am feeling lonely

07 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Fucking

I am so fucking moreish

Delicious and nutritious

You all nibble, Just a bite

No one got time for breakfast

I am so fucking moreish

Delicious and nutritious

You all salivate at the mouth

I am the snack you haven't had in a while

I am so fucking moreish

Delicious and nutritious

So interesting so diverse

A god damn degustation

I am so fucking moreish

Delicious and nutritious

All y'all are on

A fucking diet.

07 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Wife material is game over

I need to become indifferent

Uncaring

Less sharing

I shouldn't give access to

Poems

Thoughts so readily spoken

I am too much

Wife material

Which is a bad dating experience

I play hide and seek so poorly

I am too available

Too loving

Too caring

Too sharing

Generously over giving

So fucking forgiving

I erase myself

As someone deserving

This is absolutely nothing if not

Self hurting

Practicing patience

On a stomach

So empty

Watching everyone

So full

Or rather, forgetting to eat

My life

Lived in all the possible

Wrong Ways.

To make it right

I need to be

Someone else

Cold

Unspoken

I need to stop looking at

Roads diverging

I need to just walk it.

07 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Wrong place wrong time

I think I finally

Understand

All the things you left

Unsaid

You are not disinterested

You just need some

Travel time

Pathways unknown

If we play this

Rightfully

Righteously

Purely

Patienly

Come some arbitrary time and place

Your will rip my clothes off

Be inside me like no other

We will both gulp air

Like nectar

I will be in echoes

Days later

Until then

We are not just friends

I just need to play pretend

Guessing what your next move will be

I should have paid more

Attention

When you walked me through

The rules

I can barely keep the score

You can do it

In your disrupted sleep

Let's wait to reach

Right place

Right time

It could be just around the corner

What scenes will unravel

What sights will we share

Until we get there?

05 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Sweet dreams

Last night I received strange gifts in my dreams

I dreamt my wife touched me all over my body

Naked in their hands

I dreamt you asked to see me again

As soon as we were saying goodbyes

How strange

How sweet

How sad these dreams are made of

This.

04 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Most times

I kind of put a stop on the whirlwind of butterflies in my stomach most times but then on the day itself they let themselves loose

03 April 2024

[maayanaonthemove]

Fire consumed

I am glad I am not fully spent

Otherwise I might have missed

Your calling our next meet

A date

We both need extra care

So we do not

Burn

Recklessly

Completely

Violently

Without actuall intent

Not even ash left to trace

Us

I want you

Kind and not abrasive

We can try to be gentle

I was

Strong instead of loving

Dismissive

Not to show my vulnerable

Fragile feels

I will try to

Think before I speak

I will

Let you know how

Wanted

You are

A worthy quest for safety

So many words

Desperately trying to explain

I am so good

Doing it so badly

This time I left all the words bare

None anxiously deleted

I still don't know if all of this

Even actually exists

I stitch the gaps

To see you

We can forge a path

Reaching safety

Instead of fire

Burning

Despite the pressure and stress

You can rest

You are wanted

You are so wanted

Me falling

Doesn't mean I am falling any less for

You

Please rest more for me

Rest more so

There could be

Us.

25 March 2024