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Tim Burton is a cuck

Think about it.

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The Umbrella Academy + The Onion

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Luther, during the apocalypse: I lost Vanya!

Five: How did you lose Vanya?

Luther: Give me a break, she’s like two inches tall.

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I HAVE A FRIEND AND HER FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY IS LUTHER AND IM STILL UPSET ABOUT IT

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I went to the bathroom and pulled down my pants and freaked out because ‘OMG WHY IS THERE BLOOD’

And then I remembered

‘You’re on your period, dumfuk’

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The things I do for book covers

I’m about to search up Skin Aesthetic on tumblr and I’m scared but Pinterest had not wielded the answers I wanted

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Fat Days

So I’m constantly lecturing my mom on not having fat days.

I’ve weighed more than her since like fifth grade, and I’m a junior in high school now.

Needless to say(and all my friends say it as well) she’s tiny. Like tiny tiny. But healthy. Her body is like the perfect hour glass 5’4-5” that every girl wants.

And she’s constantly complaining to me about how she feels fat or she’s bloated some days, which she calls fat days.

Me? I’m 5’2” and a happy 170-ish pounds. I did have times where I was so not confident in myself, and hated my body, but..

I said ‘nah that’s stupid.’ And I made myself become so self-obsessed and absorbed that I eventually believed it myself and I love myself.

I never have fat days. I’m healthy, I eat healthy, and I’m active(tho I don’t work out bc that stresses me out tbh), and I keep preaching to my mom that she needs to love herself more.

I’m constantly saying to her ‘oh I look gross’ or occasionally ‘I look fat’

And she goes ‘you’re beautiful don’t say that.’

And I look at her, no expression, and say ‘I never said I wasn’t beautiful.’

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Namjoon: I relate to Belle because she loves to read books, and loves people for their souls.

Jimin: I relate to Tinker Bell because she needs attention or she dies.

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Yoongi: Straight vampires are so unrealistic

Yoongi: Imagine being heterosexual for all eternity. Pass

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Seokjin: Why are you awake so early?

Jungkook: Who said I went to sleep?

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Yes thank you someone else gets it!!

i don’t really give a shit about this tumblr being removed from the app store thing but above all i am really glad this is happening now and not in 2011 so i don’t have to scroll past some “PSA: TUMBLR HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE APP STORE!” “oh HELL NO!!! Dr who fandom grab your tardises!!!” “*50 gif reaction images of the supernatural guy looking pissed off” type of shit

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🐶: (Source)

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Thanksgiving

Isn’t thanksgiving just... pre-Christmas?

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i’m screaming

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Band Teacher: I’m stressed. The school doesn’t have enough instruments and kids need theirs fixed and parents tell me if their kid doesn’t have an instrument then they won’t be in band and our band is small enough as it is.

Me: ok parents are stupid.

Band Teacher: so I went and bought a trombone for a kid this weekend. I don’t even have the extra money to do this. Bt it’s fine. It’s okay..

This should not be happening in schools. My teacher just went out and bought a trombone so a kid could play in our band of 18 people. With her own money.

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Jimin: That’s it? You done bitching?

Seokjin: That was just a warm up.