magesmusings

[magesmusings]

I wish I could still

romanticize you

in my mind.

But that all feels

so far away now.

Another lifetime

another world

another universe

perhaps.

Still

the internal clock

runs true

and I find myself

reminiscing for you

and the days

where it was easier

again.

Happy early birthday.

I hope it’s calm.

[magesmusings]

Let me make a mess all over your mouth,

feel you lick up every last drop of cum.

[magesmusings]

Edging

There is a certain edge, a precipice

that I like to dance towards and dangle from

but I never seem quite able to

bring myself to leap from it.

Each time I tiptoe to the lip

and watch the pieces of it crumble off

into the abyss, my heart begins to race

as I stare into the darkness below

and I feel every ounce of me

wishing for nothing more

than to know its sweet embrace.

But still I remain precariously positioned

just before its kiss can taste me

its breath still warm on my cheeks

flush with the excitement of it all.

[magesmusings]

It is my personal philosophy

To ring the year in (and out) with a bang

[magesmusings]

My New Year’s Wish

A year ago

I laid alone in bed

and realized

all I wanted to do

was kiss you.

I wrote your first poem

shortly thereafter.

Tonight

I feel the same

after all this time-

everything that’s passed;

I still hurt

I wish none of it

had ever happened

and yet,

I still want to kiss you.

Most importantly though,

in this New Year

I want you to find

whatever it is

you’re looking for;

that void you’re trying to fill

wound you’re trying to heal

relationship you’re trying to repair

I hope it happens for you-

But, I hope it happens without me.

[magesmusings]

You are so self-obsessed

with your Sisyphean circle jerk

that you run through women like Kleenex.

[magesmusings]

Take the L

Look at my tits

Lick me all over

Lock me up tight

Like what you see?

Too bad you just don’t like me.

[magesmusings]

It feels like I’m imploding.

As if I’m a star

going super nova

in slow motion;

collapsing in on myself,

weightless in space

until the pressure

creates just enough force

to explode and crash

outward into a million,

tiny, flaming pieces.

[magesmusings]

You went and made a dragon out of me

the fire is burning me alive from inside

[magesmusings]

Another rant.

I hate that you still trigger me.

You broke my heart.

I don’t know.

I don’t know if or when

I will ever not tense up

from being around you

or hearing about you.

Or clench my jaw

when she texts me about you.

But every fiber of my being

felt like it was on fire

and I knew every beat

of that story because

it’s been seared

into my brain since

she’d first told it to me.

I can’t tell if I’m so upset

because I’m still in love with you

or if I’m still heartbroken over you.

Probably a little of both if I’m being honest.

I’ve replayed every fucking second

of that Christmas party

in my head the past week.

Every moment I’d look at a friend

just to watch you look in any other direction.

And I know you haven’t thought about me

since the moment I left your sight

after I walked alone to my car

without a word from you.

And that thought, knowing the truth of it-

It burns deep in the back of my throat,

so strongly, I feel I could breathe fire.

[magesmusings]

Am I never going to be fucking free of you?

I am fucking trying over here.

And yet you are everywhere

everywhere I don’t want you to be.

You are this poison inside of me

it’s not that I need to be where you are not

because you are with me constantly,

it’s that you are eating me alive

from the inside out, dissolving away

at every fiber of my being until I implode

and melt away into nothingness forever

and you can finally pretend

like I never existed at all

and the cycle begins all over again.

[magesmusings]

What do you want?

Is this what it

could have been

the whole time?

Where have you been

who are you really

has this been missing

have I been missing this

what have I missed out on

who have I been missing

have I missed the real you?

All because I was

the one who was lost?

And now I’m running out of time.

[magesmusings]

I live for the juxtaposition;

the feeling of momentary

weightlessness, floating

through the space between us,

and then the full force

of my body, exploding

into a million flaming pieces,

as I crash into you.

[magesmusings]

I need to implode

I need to curl up

into a little ball

be scooped up

self destruct

burst into

a million

tiny pieces

I need to matter

but my problems

need to be

weightless

as I throw myself

against you.

[magesmusings]

Lights on or off?

Off please.

Door open or closed?

Closed.

Mood lighting?

No, draw the curtains.

Dim the lights,

be still in the dark,

listen to my heart beat

as we steady our breathing

while our eyes adjust.

It’s better this way.

I prefer it this way.

I’m less distracted this way.

I can feel every inch of you this way.

Let me experience each exquisite moment

in pure, unadulterated, unfiltered bliss.

[magesmusings]

There’s nothing quite like

my knee highs

sliding up & down

your back

with your head

between my thighs

[magesmusings]

Lying here

feeling

neglected

and rejected

from

every angle