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magewinchester · 4 years

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Crossed full story ( Showki )

Kihyun's pov "Well, actually.. I thought you wouldn't be into me. Well, why would you be into me? I'm small, chubby, ugly- there's really nothing to like about me, Shownu. Like you said, my best tries at dancing aren't good enough, my voice is weird. I'm just not good enough for you." I explained, my eyes tearing up. "Ki, do you really think so lowly of yourself? There's a lot to like about you! You're kind, smart and funny. So what if you're a little smaller, you're still growing! What 'chub' you have is adorable, your cheeks are so cute. You're far from ugly, Kihyun. And again, you're still learning and growing; dancing can be learned so take your time. You just won as the best vocalist out of eight, how can you think your voice is weird? Your voice is so soothing- I could go on and on for hours, Kihyun. Please don't think so lowly of yourself." Shownu placed his hand into mine, the gave my hand a kiss. How can he think so highly of me? Even after seeing my worst qualities, he still likes me? "Even after all of the panic attacks and mental breakdowns you've witnessed, you'd still like me?" I wiped the tears from my face. "Yes Ki, even after all of that. You are not your attacks or disorders, Kihyun. They may affect you, but I'm gonna be here for you. You'll get through this; we will get through this. Wonho and I will be here for you, no matter what." Showny assured me. "Really?" I asked, looking from Shownu to Wonho- who nodded. "Absolutely, Kihyun! We aren't best friends for no reason!" Wonho said, then sat beside me. "But what if we don't debut together? I don't want to be away from you guys!" I exclaimed, squeezing Shownu's hand. "Kihyunie, no matter how you try, you'd still be stuck with Shownu, it's your soulmate bond. I'm not going anywhere either, even if you try to push me away. You'll still have us, no matter what!" Wonho reassured, lightly patting my shoulder. "Can we try to debut together? Please?" I asked, looking from Shownu to Wonho. The pair looked at each other. "We can try to, Ki. But we still don't know what will happen next for the missions." Shownu eventually said, then rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. "Thank you, guys. I honestly don't know what I would do without you." I spoke with a small smile. A nurse came into the room with a small cup once I stopped talking. She checked my vitals then turned to me. "How does your head feel? Are you in any pain?" She asked. "My head hurts a little but it's bearable." I replied. She passed me the little cup, "This should help with the pain, but once you're signed out please be careful. Too sudden of movements could make you pass out again." My eyebrows furrowed. "But I'm a dancer, sudden movements are what I do!" "Give yourself a few days at home before you start dancing again- two days minimum. Sleep will also aid the healing process so get as much rest as possible. I will go get your release forms." She stated then left the room. "But I need to practice more!" I whined. "Your health is more important, Ki. The judges said No Mercy would be on hold until you were completely better." Shownu countered. The nurse brought in the paperwork. "Fine, I'll wait." I pouted then started signing the papers.Trigger warning: abuse, homophobia Kihyun's pov Feeling arms wrapped around my waist, I smiled as I awoke. I let out a quiet yawn and gently rubbed my eyes. I really hope yesterday was just a dream. Please let it have been a dream! Hesitantly, I looked at the arms wrapped around my stomach. They didn't look like Shownu's arms at all. They were much lighter than Shownu's arms, and my name wasn't on either wrist. I turned around in the pair of arms and found Wonho. I let out a sigh of relief that it was my best friend. My happiness, however, didn't last long. That means yesterday really happened? He really pushed me away? With tears threatening to spill, I slowly got out of Wonho's grasp. I stood up beside the bed and groaned, feeling how much the bruises hurt. I stumbled my way in front of the bathroom mirror then first looked at my arms. Shades of blue and purple littered my arms. I changed last night without inspecting my body so I feared what I would see. Gingerly, I tried to lift my shirt over my head. It took some emotional convincing and strength to pull off my shirt. Once my shirt was on the floor, I first looked at my chest in the mirror. What once was a smooth, pale chest now had an angry hand print in the middle. Hesitantly, I turned around to look at my back. My eyes widened and I gasped. I barely lowered the band of my sweatpants to see how far it bruised. My entire lower back is various shades of blue and purple. I laughed bitterly, not wanting to believe that these bruises were real. I put my hands on each side of the sink and lowered my head. See Kihyun, this is why dad hit you so much. I'm so easy to bruise that dad got a sense of pride seeing the colors litter my skin. He always said it would toughen me up; that it would make me more of a man. Flash back I walked into my house as quietly as I could. If I made a lot of noise I would wind up with more scars and bruises than I already carried. I tiptoed towards my rooom but was yanked back by the blue collar of my shirt. "Where are you going, Kihyun? You know better than to run off so quickly!" The deep voice of my father boomed. I flinched. "No- no where!" "You know it's only worse when you lie. Why do you never learn?" He pulled me by my collar back into the living room, only to push me to the floor. With dazed eyes, he looked around for what item he would choose to use. Finding nothing to spark his interest this time, he instead used his fists and feet. He pulled my face up to look at his own. "You're just so easy to bruise! What kind of a queer little faggot of a son did I create and raise? If only you would toughen up, then this wouldn't happen as severely!" He shrugged then gave a quick slap to my left cheek. My head turned with the force and my hand reached towards the mark. My father only sighed then kicked me in my side. Knowing I would never be able to overpower him, I curled up in a ball on the floor and just let it happen. Flashback over I struggled to pull myself out of my memories. I turned the tap on and rinsed my face with water then put my shirt on. I fake smiled to myself and walked out of the bathroom, knowing I would have to cook breakfast once again. Knowing that I would have to face Shownu again. I don't think I'm ready...3rd person POV A few days after receiving their rankings, the twelve trainees began working in pre-chosen pairs. The judges have paired Kihyun and Shownu together, thus they must work both together and against each other to become victorious. Kihyun's POV Once again Shownu and I were in the practice room. The closer we got to the performance day, the worse I got. The more mistakes I made, the more Shownu would make us practice. "Come on, Kihyun! This isn't challenging choreography, why are you making so many mistakes? We have to go on stage in two days, and here you are tripping over your feet!" Shownu exclaimed after I fell. I brushed myself off once I stood up. "I'm sorry, Shownu! I'm not a very good dancer and I know this, don't make me feel any worse about it." I muttered as I tried again. "Kihyun, this is a very basic dance! I just don't understand how you're making so, so many mistakes! I understand you're young, but to be ready to become an idol, shouldn't you be better at dancing?" Shownu questioned as I tried to catch my breath. He handed me a water and a towel then demanded we try once again, "Kihyun, you have to get this dance down. If you don't then you could face elimination! Dance better, Kihyun! Again!" "I'm dancing as well as I can, Shownu! We've been dancing for six hours already, can't we take a break?" I exclaimed and flopped onto the floor. He walked beside me then gently poked my side with his foot. "Get up Kihyun, this can't be your best! If it is, then why are you here?" He asked. "I'm here because this is my dream, Shownu! I may not be the best dancer, but this is what I love to do. I've already wasted five of my teenage years, I can't give up now!" I reasoned. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, Kihyun, but if this is as best as you can dance you may as well just give up now." Shownu shrugged as though his carelessly stated words wouldn't leave emotional marks. I know I'm not the best dancer, the best singer, or the best rapper but I'm only seventeen! I still have time to become better! I sighed out and let a tear slip. I let it roll down my cheek then drank more water. I wasn't going to let him tell me I should quit. Instead of listen to him speak more, I put my earbuds in and danced continuously. I was going to prove it to him- and most importantly myself- I could debut. Shownu's pov "You may as well just give up now." I shrugged. I took a sip of my water and calmly watched as Kihyun danced. He was making a lot of mistakes, none of which seemed fixable. But as I watched him try again and again, he was improving. As he danced, he slipped and fell. I muffled a laugh then I noticed he had began crying. I watched as the boy before me punched the ground then rose to his knees. Once he had a light grip on his emotions, he looked at me with a fire blazing in his eyes. But unbeknownst to me at the time, behind that blazing fire was a pain that would later corrupt him. From his kneeling position with tears in his eyes, he growled, "You may be a better dancer, but that does not make you better than me!" He then put his earbuds in his ears once more and danced passionately. If he continued to improve as quickly as he was, he would become a better dancer than me. Regardless of him being my soulmate, he would not become a better dancer than I am. I put my own earbuds in and danced my heart out. -day of mission- Although he continued to make mistakes, he was greatly improving. Those mistakes became less frequent and less obvious. Today, Kihyun and I had to perform together, yet against each other. He dancing was almost as good as mine. Key word: almost. I entered this contest as the best dancer, no one will take that title from me. After completing the dance together once more, I sipped my water and calmed my breathing. "Kihyun, if you continue to dance this well, you might actually make it in this competition. But being able to do this simple dance isn't something to rejoice over; imagine how much harder the group dances would be. You'd have to dance harder choreography and sing! That might prove to be difficult." I sneered. Seeing Kihyun's face fall sent pangs of guilt into my chest. Brushing them off, I grabbed my bag and left the practice room. Kihyun quickly followed and we walked back to the dorm together. A few hours later, us twelve trainees made our way to the stage. We all practiced hard but after this, one person would be cut. As Kihyun and I walked to the stage, I felt more confident. Kihyun, however, seemed more anxious as we stepped on. The judges motioned for us to begin our team performance then the music started. With a grin, I began dancing and singing calmly. I have this in the bag! Kihyun can't beat me, and he slipped a little just now! I mentally laughed at his mistake and continued to smirk as I performed. As Kihyun sang, he hit a lot of high notes I never would be able to. Those notes could be enough for him to beat me! I danced as perfectly as humanly possible. However, once the song was over, we stood side by side and lowered our mics. The judges began saying how sloppy our performance seemed. How rushed it felt, how it didn't seem like we practiced together. Once they got through scolding us, they began praising what we each did best. "Please go stand on your platforms ." Hyolyn told us once they finished talking. I stool tall and proud on my side, a small smile gracing my face. Kihyun seemed terrified on his platform. Kihyun and I made eye contact as they began speaking once again, "I'm sorry, Shownu." I heard as I began to lower. Seriously?!Shownu's povI was shaken awake, hearing, "Come on, wake up! I made breakfast. If you don't get up and eat, don't complain to me later!" Their hands left tingles in their wake on my skin. I quickly sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was the trainee I had yet to meet, stood on the ladder to my bunk. I looked into his brown eyes and my whole world froze. The only thing I could see was his smooth, angelic face- which had a small scowl on it. He quickly climbed down the ladder and I followed, pulling on a shirt once I reached the floor. I made my way into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. I began to eat as the guy placed coffee in front of the sleeping trainees. Out of no where, Wonho shouted, "Yoo Kihyun this food is amazing!" Then ate some more. "Yoo Kihyun?" I whispered as I looked to my wrist. Yoo Kihyun is the name of my soulmate, my other half. I looked up at the teen I now knew as Kihyun, both of our eyes wide with surprise. His cheeks became a bright shade of pink, then he quietly ran out of the kitchen. I quickly sat down my silverware and followed him out. When I found him, he was curled up under his blanket. His hair was peaking out from under the blanket in some spots. I quietly laughed as I kneeled by his bed. "So, you're Yoo Kihyun, huh?" I questioned as I smoothed his unruly hair down. "Nope, wrong bunk, sorry dude!" The little lump on the bed squeaked out. Making sure not to pull his hair, I slowly pulled the blanket away from his face. His eyes were squeezed shut and he covered his face. I carefully removed his hands from his face. "Kihyun, please be serious. Is this your writing on my arm?" I asked, now sitting on the floor, holding his hands in mine. His eyes flickered to the writing on my wrist, then he slowly nodded. "I'm only seventeen so I don't have a name on myself yet." Kihyun sighed out. "That's okay, Kihyun. You're still young; you're seventeen. I'm twenty two so I've known your name for a while now." I replied. I smiled before hugging him; his arms wrapped around my neck just as quickly as mine moved around his waist. I felt him deeply exhale into my shoulder, his breath tickling my neck. Suddenly, he inhaled sharply and jumped back out of the hug- I fell back to the floor. Confused, I looked at him only to find tears rolling down his cheeks. I quickly got up and sat beside him on his bed, trying to stop his tears. Before I could try to dry his tears he slapped my hands away. "No! This shouldn't be right!" Kihyun sobbed out, "Why am I your soulmate? What terrible thing sin did you commit to be stuck with me?" This took me aback. "What do you mean, Kihyun?" I asked, then finally dried his tears. "You shouldn't be stuck with me, Shownu. I'm- I'm not okay; I'm not good enough for you. We may have just met, but you really don't need me to burden you." Kihyun cried out, "Plus, this isn't normal! We're two guys, Shownu! This shouldn't happen!" "Kihyun, we aren't the first same-sex soulmate pairing. There's been a few girl pairings and one other male pairing. If it wasn't normal -or about to be normal- why would it keep happening?" I reasoned as I continuously dried his tears. "But look what happened to them! None of them lasted as long as regular couples, Shownu! That single guy pairing had a double suicide because of the backlash! And they weren't even in the eye of the public! What would happen to us? You can't cover the soulmate mark up, the second we show up on No Mercy it will be known a second gay pairing emerged!" Kihyun continued. "Ki, we cant control the soulmate bond. What we can control, however, is how we handle it. We don't have to end up like those guys and girls. We'll get through this, together." I promised. Kihyun froze as I began speaking. His cheeks flushed once again and his eyes widened. I thought nothing of it and left the bedroom a few minutes later - after Kihyun had calmed down.Kihyun's povShownu left the room once he stopped talking. He left so abruptly it made me confused. There isn't any time for confusion in this, Kihyun. You have to be prepared for your first performance tonight! While in my thoughts, Shownu walked back into the room, carrying a plate of food and some coffee. "You didn't eat yet, Kihyun. Here, see how well you did." He said as he carefully put the plate on my lap, and placed the coffee on the bedside table. I smiled shyly and began eating the food I cooked. After a few minutes, Shownu began asking me a few questions. "What song have you prepared for tonight?" He asked with genuine curiosity. I swallowed the food in my mouth then replied, "Hyeya by Jonghyun. I think I'll do pretty well with such a desperate song. What've you prepared?" "I'm going to sing All Of Me by John Legend then dance to Add Me In by Chris Brown." Shownu spoke again, a smile rising to his cheeks. He seemed excited to perform on stage. When he smiles he looks like a bear! I internally awed. "Have you noticed how bear-like you look when you smile?" I asked. "People call me a polar bear." Shownu shrugged. "It's adorable." I giggled, now was Shownu's turn to blush. "Well then, I guess I should keep smiling!" Shownu laughed too. After spending the next few hours together, he and I went our separate ways to prepare for our solo performances tonight. The time I spent getting ready was a blur, suddenly I was already dressed and prepared to go on stage. I sat in the green room -anxious- and watched as Shownu performed first. As I listened to Shownu sing, I began to feel bewitched by its sound. He quickly became my favorite vocalist, regardless of his lack of a career. For his entire performance, I was entranced by him. Crossed chapter 1 Third person pov

The chosen twelve trainees pack their bags and slowly make their way to their shared dorm. Their dorm is where the twelve will meet for the first time. Unbeknownst to the twelve males, a pair of soulmates are among them. Will the pair be able to balance love and their will to debut, or will it all fall apart like a house of cards?

Kihyun’s Pov

I walked into the new dorm, dragging my suitcase behind me. By bringing my suitcase into the dorm I solidified my life. This is it, this is my final shot at becoming an idol. At becoming someone who influences the lives of others like my idols influenced me. If I don’t make it through this, I’m quitting. There have been multiple times where I was close to debuting but my group “wasn’t ready.” This is as ready as I will ever be. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding as I walked to the multiple sets of bunk beds. I didn’t see any other luggage bags near the beds to signify someone claimed them, so I pushed my bag under a bottom bunk. I was emotionally exhausted from entering this debut war. There isn’t anything set up to do today besides enter the dorms so I lie down on my chosen bunk. I checked my phone quickly, the time read 3:27 PM. A nap never hurt anyone! I thought as I began to fall asleep.

Shownu’s pov

I checked the time on my phone, 7:43 PM. I began rushing to the dorms as I realized I was late. I was told I’d be the oldest trainee, yet here I am, the last one to enter the dorm. I opened the front door and pulled my suitcase in behind me. I was told earlier by Starship if I didn’t make it through No Mercy I would be kicked out. ‘You’re getting too old to be a trainee, Hyunwoo.’ Starship has said. Even the other trainees are saying my chance is getting slimmer by the day. But I don’t care how old I get, I will achieve my dream. I’ve already been training for years. I can’t just let all of this work go to waste! No matter what I will make it! I promised myself as I strolled to the bunk beds. I found one bed void of items above a sleeping trainee. I quietly pushed my bag under the bunk before walking out of the bedroom. Walking into the living room, I noticed the remaining ten trainees sat in a circle on the floor. Hearing my footsteps, they turned around. They made some more room and one guy waved me over. I walked to the group and sat down. They began introducing themselves one by one. The guy who waved me over said, “I’m Hoseok or Wonho, I’m 21.” I was the last to introduce myself. “I’m Hyunwoo or Shownu, and I’m 22.” As the eleven of us started talking about our likes and dislikes, I began wondering who the sleeping guy is. After a while of talking, we started playing video games. I grew tired of watching the animated characters fight on the screen. I bid the guys goodnight and walked to the bedroom. I knelt on the floor and dug through my suitcase for some clothes to sleep in. Finding what I wanted, I stood up and started changing my clothes.

Kihyun’s pov Ugh, their screaming is interrupting my sleep. It’s just a game, don’t scream! I lightly rubbed my eyes before opening them. I heard rustling noises beside me and turned my head. The first thing my eyes landed on was a name written on his left wrist. It’s my name and it’s even in my handwriting! This can’t work out well. We’re in a survival show, it’s gonna be too competitive! I’m still only seventeen, I don’t know for certain he’s my soulmate! Before he could turn to look at me again, I closed my eyes and evened out my breathing. The light flicked off and I heard the bed above me creak. I laid in bed for a while, just thinking about my horrible hand writing on his caramel-toned skin. Eventually, I fell deep asleep. Once I woke up early the next morning, I began to cook breakfast. I’ve never had to cook for twelve before so this was a bit of a challenge. I made a pot of coffee to help wake them up. As I was cooking, the other trainees made their way to the large kitchen table. Wiping the metaphorical sweat from my eyebrow, I sat the multiple plates filled with pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hash browns. To make sure everyone was up I began counting them. Ten, eleven. Alright, all eleven of us are here. Wait there’s twelve of us! Sighing, I made my way into each bedroom in search of the last trainee. Do these boys not know how to make their own beds? I guess I’ll tell them fix them after breakfast, if not these rooms will look terrible! The first two rooms are void of life, only room left to check is my own. The first set of bunk beds were empty-and messy. My bunk was obviously empty too. The only bed filled is taken by the guy with my name on his wrist. I climbed the first two steps of the ladder and raised my arm to shake him awake. My hand hovered over his arm. I didn’t think I could wake him up. He looked so peaceful, calmly sleeping atop the higher bed. Although I didn’t want to, I had to wake him up so he could eat. “Come on, wake up! I made breakfast. If you don’t get up and eat, don’t complain to me later!” I exclaimed as I shook him. After about a minute of me shaking him, he woke up. I climbed down the ladder. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before descending the ladder. We walked out of the bedroom then into the kitchen. There we found not only the food I prepared, but a few members falling asleep into their plates or onto each other. The guy I woke up sat in an empty chair at the table. Sighing once again, I brought multiple cups of coffee and sat them in front of those sleeping trainees. The ones awake were quickly eating what they had on their plates. Seeing the guys enjoying my food brought a sense of pride to me. Making myself a plate, I grinned widely. “Yoo Kihyun this food is amazing!” Wonho exclaimed before eating more. My grin faltered a little, and the last male to sit at the table froze. “Yoo Kihyun..” he whispered as he looked at his wrist.

Chapter 2

Shownu's pov

I was shaken awake, hearing, "Come on, wake up! I made breakfast. If you don't get up and eat, don't complain to me later!" Their hands left tingles in their wake on my skin. I quickly sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was the trainee I had yet to meet, stood on the ladder to my bunk. I looked into his brown eyes and my whole world froze. The only thing I could see was his smooth, angelic face- which had a small scowl on it. He quickly climbed down the ladder and I followed, pulling on a shirt once I reached the floor. I made my way into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. I began to eat as the guy placed coffee in front of the sleeping trainees. Out of no where, Wonho shouted, "Yoo Kihyun this food is amazing!" Then ate some more. "Yoo Kihyun?" I whispered as I looked to my wrist. Yoo Kihyun is the name of my soulmate, my other half. I looked up at the teen I now knew as Kihyun, both of our eyes wide with surprise. His cheeks became a bright shade of pink, then he quietly ran out of the kitchen. I quickly sat down my silverware and followed him out. When I found him, he was curled up under his blanket. His hair was peaking out from under the blanket in some spots. I quietly laughed as I kneeled by his bed. "So, you're Yoo Kihyun, huh?" I questioned as I smoothed his unruly hair down. "Nope, wrong bunk, sorry dude!" The little lump on the bed squeaked out. Making sure not to pull his hair, I slowly pulled the blanket away from his face. His eyes were squeezed shut and he covered his face. I carefully removed his hands from his face. "Kihyun, please be serious. Is this your writing on my arm?" I asked, now sitting on the floor, holding his hands in mine. His eyes flickered to the writing on my wrist, then he slowly nodded. "I'm only seventeen so I don't have a name on myself yet." Kihyun sighed out. "That's okay, Kihyun. You're still young; you're seventeen. I'm twenty two so I've known your name for a while now." I replied. I smiled before hugging him; his arms wrapped around my neck just as quickly as mine moved around his waist. I felt him deeply exhale into my shoulder, his breath tickling my neck. Suddenly, he inhaled sharply and jumped back out of the hug- I fell back to the floor. Confused, I looked at him only to find tears rolling down his cheeks. I quickly got up and sat beside him on his bed, trying to stop his tears. Before I could try to dry his tears he slapped my hands away. "No! This shouldn't be right!" Kihyun sobbed out, "Why am I your soulmate? What terrible thing sin did you commit to be stuck with me?" This took me aback. "What do you mean, Kihyun?" I asked, then finally dried his tears. "You shouldn't be stuck with me, Shownu. I'm- I'm not okay; I'm not good enough for you. We may have just met, but you really don't need me to burden you." Kihyun cried out, "Plus, this isn't normal! We're two guys, Shownu! This shouldn't happen!" "Kihyun, we aren't the first same-sex soulmate pairing. There's been a few girl pairings and one other male pairing. If it wasn't normal -or about to be normal- why would it keep happening?" I reasoned as I continuously dried his tears. "But look what happened to them! None of them lasted as long as regular couples, Shownu! That single guy pairing had a double suicide because of the backlash! And they weren't even in the eye of the public! What would happen to us? You can't cover the soulmate mark up, the second we show up on No Mercy it will be known a second gay pairing emerged!" Kihyun continued. "Ki, we cant control the soulmate bond. What we can control, however, is how we handle it. We don't have to end up like those guys and girls. We'll get through this, together." I promised. Kihyun froze as I began speaking. His cheeks flushed once again and his eyes widened. I thought nothing of it and left the bedroom a few minutes later - after Kihyun had calmed down.

Kihyun's pov

Shownu left the room once he stopped talking. He left so abruptly it made me confused. There isn't any time for confusion in this, Kihyun. You have to be prepared for your first performance tonight! While in my thoughts, Shownu walked back into the room, carrying a plate of food and some coffee. "You didn't eat yet, Kihyun. Here, see how well you did." He said as he carefully put the plate on my lap, and placed the coffee on the bedside table. I smiled shyly and began eating the food I cooked. After a few minutes, Shownu began asking me a few questions. "What song have you prepared for tonight?" He asked with genuine curiosity. I swallowed the food in my mouth then replied, "Hyeya by Jonghyun. I think I'll do pretty well with such a desperate song. What've you prepared?" "I'm going to sing All Of Me by John Legend then dance to Add Me In by Chris Brown." Shownu spoke again, a smile rising to his cheeks. He seemed excited to perform on stage. When he smiles he looks like a bear! I internally awed. "Have you noticed how bear-like you look when you smile?" I asked. "People call me a polar bear." Shownu shrugged. "It's adorable." I giggled, now was Shownu's turn to blush. "Well then, I guess I should keep smiling!" Shownu laughed too. After spending the next few hours together, he and I went our separate ways to prepare for our solo performances tonight. The time I spent getting ready was a blur, suddenly I was already dressed and prepared to go on stage. I sat in the green room -anxious- and watched as Shownu performed first. As I listened to Shownu sing, I began to feel bewitched by its sound. He quickly became my favorite vocalist, regardless of his lack of a career. For his entire performance, I was entranced by him.

Chapter 3

Kihyun's pov For Shownu's entire performance, I was entranced by him. By how smooth his voice was, how fluid his dancing was. Before hearing Shownu sing, I was incredibly anxious. This could be my first stage, or my last stage. Thoughts of giving up crossed my mind a multitude of times, but now that I've met Shownu -and have a chance to live my dream with him- I'm not giving up. Kihyun, this is a make or break moment. You could be in a group with your soulmate! He may not like me back romantically, but that's okay. Being by him is and will be enough! As Shownu performed, the other trainees began noticing my name on his wrist. Nine of the other trainees looked at me, disgust clearly evident on their faces. I looked down to the ground and Wonho scooted beside me then glared back at the nine. "You guys are just so incredibly stupid." Wonho mockingly laughed out. "Kihyun here is Shownu's soulmate. Emphasis on 'Shownu's.' If he catches any of you being rude, mean or anything besides kind to Kihyunie, that glare may be the last face you make." Wonho shrugged as he swung an arm around my shoulders. The nine trainees visibly shuddered or gulped. "They're all homophobic, Kihyun. I, however, am not. I know you have Shownu now but, if you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate." Wonho muttered. Once Shownu walked into the room, the other trainees and I applauded him. I gave him a slightly awkward hug when he sat beside me. "I'm next." I sighed out and took a few calming breaths. "You can do this, Kihyun! I believe in you!" Shownu exclaimed as I rose from my seat. His exclamation was enough to make me feel more confident. I walked to the stage and stood in the middle. As I sang, I could feel my passion increase. I could see the judges tear up once I reached the song's climax. I dropped down to my knees as I sang. I rose to my feet once I finished to listen to the judges criticism. "That was beautiful," one said. "It was a great cover, but it was a little rushed." Another stated. I thanked them then walked back to the green room.

Shownu's pov, while watching Kihyun perform

As Kihyun sang his heart out, I could feel myself start tearing up. That was Kihyun out there -my soulmate- and he sounded so sad. He sounded so desperate and sincere. His voice is one of the most beautiful I've heard. As I began wiping the few fallen tears, I heard the other guys exclaim, "Oh my god, he's making me cry!" Hearing the judges say it was 'rushed' made me quite sad and angry. The way it was rushed gave it such a hopeless and desperate vibe; identical to how most people are when trying to keep a loved one from leaving. As Kihyun was listening to their feedback, I could tell just from his eyes how his self esteem lowered ever so slightly. Once he came back into the room, we all clapped. Kihyun noticed the tear streaks on our faces. His eyes widened and he began to apologize. He ran to his bag and pulled out some tissues, then began handing them out to those of us who cried. As he handed a tissue to each crying male, I could feel my heart grow warm. Once Kihyun gave me my own, he sat down beside me. I wiped my few tears and turned to face Kihyun. "You did amazing, Kihyun! Your performance brought most of us to tears!" I exclaimed as I patted his back. His small frown grew to a shy smile. Before Kihyun could reply, a scoff cut him off. "As if you two will make it together. Once this airs, all of Korea will know that yet another mistake pairing occurred." Minhyuk sneered then laughed. "Keep on talking, eleven! You may not even make it through the next round!" Wonho exclaimed. "Don't step into this Wonho, I wasn't talking to you." Minhyuk barked back. "It doesn't matter, Minhyuk! Kihyunie is my friend now, and you're just jealous his performance could actually move the judges. If you stay this cold at heart, you'll never make it in this world; you might just catch a cold from the freezing temperature of your heart." Wonho snapped then turned towards Kihyun and I. "I've got your backs, guys. The rest might come around eventually, but I wouldn't expect anything from him." He gently stated with a sheepish grin. I was greatly taken aback. Someone is actually kind about this? I didn't know someone would have kindness in this cruel debut war! I was about to thank Wonho but Kihyun beat me to it. Kihyun smiled and hugged Wonho tightly. "Thank you, Wonnie!" Kihyun exclaimed into Wonho's chest. Wonho's eyes slightly widened, then he wrapped his arms around Kihyun. "It's really no problem, Kihyunie! We're friends, aren't we? Anyways, no one deserves to be treated in such a terrible manner over something they can't control. Maybe Minhyuk doesn't understand the soulmate bond." Wonho shrugged once Kihyun let go of him. Wonho looked at me and nodded his head in acknowledgment of my silent thank you.

-a few hours later, at the dorm-

"Shownu, can I talk to you for a second?" Wonho questioned then pulled me into an empty room once I nodded. "Okay, Shownu. You're Kihyun's soulmate -yes- but he's just seventeen. He's still a kid whilst you're twenty two. Until he's eighteen -an adult- don't do anything stupid or reckless. I would really hate to see such a bright kid be hurt because of you." Wonho stated. "I know he's still so young. I know how old I am, but that doesn't mean I'd do anything stupid to Kihyun. I don't think I'd even be capable of accidentally hurting him, much less purposefully." I exclaimed. "I'd assume so, Shownu. Yesterday, Kihyun and I became friends. I get you're his other half but if you hurt him, even just his feelings, I will hurt you twice as bad in retaliation. And if you hurt him physically?" Wonho tutted and shook his head, "You may just need a doctor." He growled with dark eyes but a bright smile.

Chapter 4

3rd person POV A few days after receiving their rankings, the twelve trainees began working in pre-chosen pairs. The judges have paired Kihyun and Shownu together, thus they must work both together and against each other to become victorious.

Kihyun's POV

Once again Shownu and I were in the practice room. The closer we got to the performance day, the worse I got. The more mistakes I made, the more Shownu would make us practice. "Come on, Kihyun! This isn't challenging choreography, why are you making so many mistakes? We have to go on stage in two days, and here you are tripping over your feet!" Shownu exclaimed after I fell. I brushed myself off once I stood up. "I'm sorry, Shownu! I'm not a very good dancer and I know this, don't make me feel any worse about it." I muttered as I tried again. "Kihyun, this is a very basic dance! I just don't understand how you're making so, so many mistakes! I understand you're young, but to be ready to become an idol, shouldn't you be better at dancing?" Shownu questioned as I tried to catch my breath. He handed me a water and a towel then demanded we try once again, "Kihyun, you have to get this dance down. If you don't then you could face elimination! Dance better, Kihyun! Again!" "I'm dancing as well as I can, Shownu! We've been dancing for six hours already, can't we take a break?" I exclaimed and flopped onto the floor. He walked beside me then gently poked my side with his foot. "Get up Kihyun, this can't be your best! If it is, then why are you here?" He asked. "I'm here because this is my dream, Shownu! I may not be the best dancer, but this is what I love to do. I've already wasted five of my teenage years, I can't give up now!" I reasoned. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, Kihyun, but if this is as best as you can dance you may as well just give up now." Shownu shrugged as though his carelessly stated words wouldn't leave emotional marks. I know I'm not the best dancer, the best singer, or the best rapper but I'm only seventeen! I still have time to become better! I sighed out and let a tear slip. I let it roll down my cheek then drank more water. I wasn't going to let him tell me I should quit. Instead of listen to him speak more, I put my earbuds in and danced continuously. I was going to prove it to him- and most importantly myself- I could debut.

Shownu's pov "You may as well just give up now." I shrugged. I took a sip of my water and calmly watched as Kihyun danced. He was making a lot of mistakes, none of which seemed fixable. But as I watched him try again and again, he was improving. As he danced, he slipped and fell. I muffled a laugh then I noticed he had began crying. I watched as the boy before me punched the ground then rose to his knees. Once he had a light grip on his emotions, he looked at me with a fire blazing in his eyes. But unbeknownst to me at the time, behind that blazing fire was a pain that would later corrupt him. From his kneeling position with tears in his eyes, he growled, "You may be a better dancer, but that does not make you better than me!" He then put his earbuds in his ears once more and danced passionately.

If he continued to improve as quickly as he was, he would become a better dancer than me. Regardless of him being my soulmate, he would not become a better dancer than I am. I put my own earbuds in and danced my heart out. -day of mission- Although he continued to make mistakes, he was greatly improving. Those mistakes became less frequent and less obvious. Today, Kihyun and I had to perform together, yet against each other. He dancing was almost as good as mine. Key word: almost. I entered this contest as the best dancer, no one will take that title from me. After completing the dance together once more, I sipped my water and calmed my breathing. "Kihyun, if you continue to dance this well, you might actually make it in this competition. But being able to do this simple dance isn't something to rejoice over; imagine how much harder the group dances would be. You'd have to dance harder choreography and sing! That might prove to be difficult." I sneered. Seeing Kihyun's face fall sent pangs of guilt into my chest. Brushing them off, I grabbed my bag and left the practice room. Kihyun quickly followed and we walked back to the dorm together. A few hours later, us twelve trainees made our way to the stage. We all practiced hard but after this, one person would be cut. As Kihyun and I walked to the stage, I felt more confident. Kihyun, however, seemed more anxious as we stepped on. The judges motioned for us to begin our team performance then the music started. With a grin, I began dancing and singing calmly. I have this in the bag! Kihyun can't beat me, and he slipped a little just now! I mentally laughed at his mistake and continued to smirk as I performed. As Kihyun sang, he hit a lot of high notes I never would be able to. Those notes could be enough for him to beat me! I danced as perfectly as humanly possible. However, once the song was over, we stood side by side and lowered our mics. The judges began saying how sloppy our performance seemed. How rushed it felt, how it didn't seem like we practiced together. Once they got through scolding us, they began praising what we each did best. "Please go stand on your platforms ." Hyolyn told us once they finished talking. I stool tall and proud on my side, a small smile gracing my face. Kihyun seemed terrified on his platform. Kihyun and I made eye contact as they began speaking once again, "I'm sorry, Shownu." I heard as I began to lower. Seriously?!

Chapter 5

Kihyun's pov "Go stand on your platforms, please." Hyolyn asked once Shownu and I finished performing. Nervously, I stepped onto my platform and took deep breaths. This is it, my platform is going to sink- I was cut out of my thoughts by another judge, "I'm sorry, Shownu." I looked over and saw Shownu lowering. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape. "Congratulations, Kihyun. You won this performance." A judge calmly stated as I too lowered. I walked back to the green room, confusion clearly embedded on my face. As I walked in the door, Wonho leaped out of his chair and hugged me. "I told you you would do amazing!" Wonho exclaimed once he released me, "You might even win out of all of the vocalists!" "I hope I can win, I really want to sing with Hyolyn!" I said as I smoothed my hair back down. Wonho smiled at me then we sat down in our chairs. We talked for a few more minutes until his team was called to perform. Instead of talking, I lowered my head and stared at my shoes. A few seconds later, I felt a light tap on my right shoulder. I lifted my head to see Shownu trying to catch my attention. "Ki, you did better than I expected you to." Shownu muttered and retracted his hand. Hearing this my mood lifted significantly. "I really thought you would win, Nu. I'm still as shocked as you are!" I shyly smiled. "I thought so too at first, but you were a bit better than me. I understand why you won. I really believe you'll win the singing division." He said with a smile then gently ruffled my hair. "Shownu! I just fixed my hair!" I squealed and tried to take his hand away from my now messy hair. He laughed -which I thought sounded almost musical- then stopped messing up my hair. "Okay, okay! I'll stop with your hair." Shownu said. To ruin our happiness again, Minhyuk scoffed. I rolled my eyes, "What now, Minhyuk? Can't bare to watch two people be happy?" "I can bare watching people be happy, except for you two. It's disgusting! You're both guys, how'd this happen again?" He retorted with a sarcastic smile. "You better watch your tongue, Minhyuk. I can't promise I won't start swinging." Shownu shrugged out then pulled me closer. "Oh I'm so scared!" Minhyuk jokingly exclaimed then laughed. "You wouldn't dare do anything, this is a reality show that all of Korea can watch!" Minhyuk continued. "Exactly, a reality show. It shows all of our characteristics and how we are around each other. If I do have to start throwing punches, it'll just make for a more interesting episode." Shownu pointed out and swung an arm around my shoulders. Minhyuk was about to speak again before I interrupted, "Remember, this is all being recorded. 'All of Korea' can see how rude and disrespectful you are. I'm not too sure the fans would be too keen on having someone so rude in their newest kpop group." I gave a bright smile then leaned into Shownu.

Chapter 6

Trigger warning: self deprecation/hatred

Kihyun's pov, back at the dorm after the performances

I know I shouldn't listen, but the words Shownu so carelessly said are resonating through my head once more. If that's the best you can dance, then you may as well give up. I may not be as experienced as Shownu is, but that doesn't make me a bad dancer, does it? Even if I am a bad dancer, shouldn't my singing capability mean something? As these thoughts raced through my head, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. I stood there disgusted by what is reflected. Unknowingly, my slightly chubby hands found their way to my soft stomach. My neutral face contorted to a disappointed frown as I hastily grabbed at my stomach. Why is my stomach so squishy? I'm almost eighteen, I shouldn't have this baby fat anymore! The longer I stood before the mirror, the more I picked apart my appearance. As I began to despise my appearance, I slid to the floor. As tears began to fall down my round cheeks, I heard a loud knock followed by, "Kihyun hurry up, I need to shower!" "Give me a minute!" I exclaimed as I wiped the tears from my face. I pulled my shirt back down then washed my hands and rinsed my face. I opened the door as calmly as I could then made my way to my bunk. I slowly changed from my sweaty stage outfit into some shorts and a large hoodie- desperately hoping the large hoodie would distract me from my size. I really should be more conscientious about what I eat... I made my way into the kitchen to begin cooking for the twelve of us. In the midst of cooking, Wonho came into the kitchen to help. A few minutes later, Wonho screamed. Surprised, I quickly turned around and noticed he had his left hand cradled in his right. "Wonho, are you okay?" I questioned as I walked closer. "Ow, yeah I'm okay. I just cut my hand." Wonho muttered. "Wonho, you have to be more careful! What would you have done if you lost a finger?" I exclaimed as I began to clean his cut. "I was trying to be careful! Ki-ouch!" Wonho whined as I disinfected his wound.

Shownu's pov Hearing a scream, I began to quickly make my way into the kitchen. As I got into the kitchen, I watched as Kihyun stood between Wonho's legs. Wonho was sat on top of the counter, his back to me. Kihyun held one of Wonho's hands within his own and was talking to him quietly. Kihyun's eyebrows were furrowed cutely. He somehow stepped closer and placed a hand on Wonho's bicep. Seeing how close they were -and Kihyun who was biting his bottom lip- I frowned and quietly ran out of the kitchen. I made my way to my bunk and began wondering with a pain in my chest. Why in hell were they so close to each other? Do they have something going on? No, Kihyun wouldn't do that to me, would he?

chapter 7

Trigger warning: abuse

Kihyun's pov

Once Wonho had a bandaid on his cut, we continued to cook. After we set the table, the other trainees quickly walked in and claimed seats at the table. Shownu, however, made his way to the table begrudgingly, a small frown on his face that grew as he looked at Wonho. I sat down beside Shownu almost silently; the chair groaned as I pulled it out. Although Shownu had said some hurtful words, I still cared for him. Placing my hand on his shoulder I whispered, "Shownu, are you okay? Is something wrong?" A bitter smile graced his lips, "Yeah, I'm just peachy!" He then looked back down to his plate and ate. I lightly shook his shoulder to regain his focus, "You don't seem happy, Shownu. What's wrong?" "Nothing is wrong Kihyun! Leave me alone." I quickly retracted my hand and lowered it to my lap. "If you're sure.." I whispered even lower and folded my hands together. What's wrong with him? He seems mad yet disappointed. Did someone say something to him? After our conversation, we finished dinner wordlessly. Shownu quickly stood up from the table then stomped to our room. I sighed and slowly followed behind him. I found him curled up on his bed, his face stuffed into a blue pillow. I began climbing the bunk ladder, the boards creaking a little. He raised his face and glared at me, "Just get out Kihyun. Don't bother me." "Not until you tell me what's bugging you. You're never like this. Not to me at least." I raised one of my hands to rub circle motions on his back. He put his head back onto his pillow wordlessly. A few minutes of silence passed and he shifted. He slowly sat up and looked me in the eye. His eyes flickered to my hands then a frown once again took residence on his lips. What's that about? Shownu's pov

What doesn't he get? "Kihyun what don't you understand? Get out and leave me alone." I growled. "I don't want to leave you like this, Nu." Kihyun looked at me with sad eyes. You're the one who caused this, you're being too "friendly" with Wonho. I hate it. "Dang it Kihyun, go away!" I shouted and pushed him without thinking. Kihyun landed on the floor with a loud thud and a pained groan. What I did began to set in to both of us. I quickly scampered down the ladder. I tried to make my way closer to Kihyun. Kihyun looked up at me fearfully and began crawling away backwards from me; tears threatening to fall. My face fell, "Ki, I- I'm-" Kihyun jumped up with a sob and ran out of the room, slamming the door. I could only guess he ran to Wonho. I slid to the floor, my face in my knees. I promised him I would never become abusive like his father. He trusted me with knowledge of such a painful and traumatic experience, yet here I am doing what that disgusting excuse of a male did to Kihyun. "Ki, I promise I'm not like your dad." I whispered to no one. "I promise."

chapter 8

Trigger warning: continuation of the abuse from Chapter 7 Kihyun's pov

I stood on the ladder, leaning my head on one of my hands. "Dang it, Kihyun- go away!" Shownu growled then roughly shoved me. As I fell to the floor, I felt and heard nothing. Once I hit the floor, I groaned. My mind- that once was filled with worried thoughts- began to race and replay old, repressed memories. I felt like I couldn't breathe and my eyes teared up. Shownu jumped down from the ladder and came closer to me. I scurried away backwards- not caring about how badly my back hurt from the impact. I need to get out of here! I leaped to my feet and ran out of our shared room. I ran as quick as my legs would take me to wherever Wonho was. I first sprinted to Wonho's room and quickly opened the door. I found Wonho laying in his own bottom bunk, playing on his phone. Not caring about what the three other guys thought, I climbed into bed beside Wonho and sniffed. He jumped a little from how suddenly I was beside him, but locked his phone and opened his arms. I laid down into his arms and cried into his chest. Instead of trying to find out why I was crying immediately, he held me in silence until my panic attack eased. Once I calmed down, I raised my head. Wonho's hand rose to sweep my bangs back then dry my tears. "Can you tell me what's wrong, Kihyun?" He tilted his head a little. "My ptsd was triggered." I muttered and twisted a little in Wonho's arms. "What could've triggered you that bad, Ki? Have you not been taking your medicines for your ptsd and such?" "Shownu had seemed off at dinner so I went to check on him. He was in our room curled up on his bunk. So I climbed up the first few ladder steps to talk to him. But he clearly didn't want to talk. He seemed like he was a little mad at me." I muttered. "Kihyun, what did he do? Him being a little mad wouldn't make you like this. Did he do something?" Wonho's worried eyes scanned my face for any signs. "He yelled at me a few times..." "Kihyun, I know that can't be all that happened." "He uh, pushed me off the ladder then came close to me.." I whispered too quiet for him to hear. "Can you speak up a little? Please?" Wonho asked. "Shownu yelled at me, pushed me off the ladder, then came close to me!" I exclaimed, tearing up once more. Wonho suddenly became extremely calm. It was horrifying to watch his worried face turn stone. "So he yells at you, pushed you off the ladder, then quickly came towards you? Even when knowing how badly your so-called father treated you?" Wonho looked into my eyes for confirmation. I nodded and wiped a fallen tear. He slowly gently pulled us off his bed- to not startle me. He lifted the back of my shirt lightly to check my back. "Shownu is as good as dead, Kihyun."

chapter 9

Wonho's pov I gently moved Kihyun and I off my bunk, then carefully lifted the back of his shirt to look for bruises. They weren't dark bruises, but they would be tomorrow. I had to take a few calming breaths before speaking again. "Shownu is as good as dead, Kihyun." I had told him many times 'don't hurt Kihyun or else!' And what does he do? I lowered Kihyun's shirt and sat him back down onto the bed. "I'm gonna go grab you an ice pack, do you need anything else?" "It might sound a little silly, but can you get my brown stuffed bear please? I can't sleep without it! It's on my bed- but please don't hurt Shownu, he probably didn't mean it." Kihyun muttered, looking down at his hands. "Okay, I'll be back in a bit Ki." I nodded and left the room on my small mission. Planning to get the worst over with first, I walked a few doors down and opened it. Biting my tongue, I walked to Kihyun's bunk in search of the brown bear. I kneeled at his bunk to look, but couldn't find it. I sighed, knowing I would have to ask Shownu where Kihyun's bear was. I stood up then poked the lump on the top bunk. "Shownu!" No response. I groaned and pulled the blanket back, only to find the man in question curled up to the bear and crying silently. When his eyes finally opened and looked to me, he gave a small glare. "Shownu, Kihyun wants his bear." I put it simply, trying to control myself. Shownu whined but nevertheless gave me the bear. I held the bear and stepped down the ladder. While I'm here, should I grab him pjs or something? I opened Kihyun's suitcase and grabbed out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. I zipped back up his suitcase then made my way out of the bedroom. Once I was in the kitchen, I opened the freezer and grabbed an ice pack. Then I opened the fridge and grabbed a couple juices and a snack for Kihyun. With my hands full of Kihyun's stuff, I walked back into my room. Reaching the bed, I first handed Kihyun his bear and clothes. I sat the drinks, cookies, and ice pack beside him. His eyes softened and he smiled wide. "Thank you so much, Wonho. I really don't know what I would do in this world without you." Kihyun stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist. "No problem, Ki. I promised I would be here for you, and I intend on keeping that!" I exclaimed as I ruffled his hair, a gentle smile resting on my face. After a little bit, he pulled away and picked up his clothes. He smiled at me once again then left to change. A few minutes later, Kihyun hesitantly stepped back into the room- as though as he might set off a trap. Kihyun eventually came back towards my bed after I made grabby hands. He giggled a little then crawled under the blankets with me. I raised my left arm and he quickly laid down on my chest, letting out a content sigh. Oh Shownu, if you hadn't shoved him he would've been this close to you! You're such an idiot.

chapter 10

Trigger warning: abuse, homophobia Kihyun's pov Feeling arms wrapped around my waist, I smiled as I awoke. I let out a quiet yawn and gently rubbed my eyes. I really hope yesterday was just a dream. Please let it have been a dream! Hesitantly, I looked at the arms wrapped around my stomach. They didn't look like Shownu's arms at all. They were much lighter than Shownu's arms, and my name wasn't on either wrist. I turned around in the pair of arms and found Wonho. I let out a sigh of relief that it was my best friend. My happiness, however, didn't last long. That means yesterday really happened? He really pushed me away? With tears threatening to spill, I slowly got out of Wonho's grasp. I stood up beside the bed and groaned, feeling how much the bruises hurt. I stumbled my way in front of the bathroom mirror then first looked at my arms. Shades of blue and purple littered my arms. I changed last night without inspecting my body so I feared what I would see. Gingerly, I tried to lift my shirt over my head. It took some emotional convincing and strength to pull off my shirt. Once my shirt was on the floor, I first looked at my chest in the mirror. What once was a smooth, pale chest now had an angry hand print in the middle. Hesitantly, I turned around to look at my back. My eyes widened and I gasped. I barely lowered the band of my sweatpants to see how far it bruised. My entire lower back is various shades of blue and purple. I laughed bitterly, not wanting to believe that these bruises were real. I put my hands on each side of the sink and lowered my head. See Kihyun, this is why dad hit you so much. I'm so easy to bruise that dad got a sense of pride seeing the colors litter my skin. He always said it would toughen me up; that it would make me more of a man.

Flash back

I walked into my house as quietly as I could. If I made a lot of noise I would wind up with more scars and bruises than I already carried. I tiptoed towards my rooom but was yanked back by the blue collar of my shirt. "Where are you going, Kihyun? You know better than to run off so quickly!" The deep voice of my father boomed. I flinched. "No- no where!" "You know it's only worse when you lie. Why do you never learn?" He pulled me by my collar back into the living room, only to push me to the floor. With dazed eyes, he looked around for what item he would choose to use. Finding nothing to spark his interest this time, he instead used his fists and feet. He pulled my face up to look at his own. "You're just so easy to bruise! What kind of a queer little faggot of a son did I create and raise? If only you would toughen up, then this wouldn't happen as severely!" He shrugged then gave a quick slap to my left cheek. My head turned with the force and my hand reached towards the mark. My father only sighed then kicked me in my side. Knowing I would never be able to overpower him, I curled up in a ball on the floor and just let it happen.

Flashback over

I struggled to pull myself out of my memories. I turned the tap on and rinsed my face with water then put my shirt on. I fake smiled to myself and walked out of the bathroom, knowing I would have to cook breakfast once again. Knowing that I would have to face Shownu again. I don't think I'm ready...

chapter 11

Shownu's pov

After a restless night, I decided it was time to roll out of bed. With a sigh, I pulled the warm blankets away from my body and descended the ladder. With guilt eating me alive, I stumbled to the kitchen. Oblivious to my surroundings, I walked to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup. Today was the day we would be told our new ranks and who was the best singer or rapper. I gracelessly dropped into a chair and drank the scalding liquid. Once the coffee kicked in, I noticed a frozen Kihyun stood wide-eyed. He stood there in a daze before shaking himself off then started cooking again. "What are you cooking, Kihyun?" I tried. No response. "I'm sorry, Ki. I know what I did was inexcusable and stupid. The thought of pushing you shouldn't have even crossed my mind - much less actually happen. I understand if you need some time, I won't make you talk." I shamefully lowered my head. "I know you didn't mean it, Nu. But take this as a learning experience; you're stronger than you think. Now, come over here." Kihyun lowered the stove's heat and put down his spatula. I cautiously walked towards him. I didn't expect him to start lifting his shirt, so I covered my eyes. I heard him giggle a little then groan. "I don't know what would've caused you to push me. I've thought all morning about it and still have zero idea. What I do know, however, is you've bruised me horribly. Open your eyes and look, Shownu." Kihyun demanded. I slowly uncovered my eyes and looked at his chest first. I teared up, "I pushed you that hard?" "That's all you think you left? A small bruise from your hand? Look at my back." I know I shouldn't have, but I raised my arm towards Kihyun's bruises. Kihyun flinched with a small squeak. Trying to hold back tears threatening to fall, I bit my lip. I pulled my hand back to myself then looked down again. I heard rustling then raised my head back up, looking into Kihyun's eyes. My eyebrows furrowed. "Kihyun, are you feeling okay? Other than the bruises- did you hit your head?" "Yeah, but I didn't think anything of it. I'm a little dizzy though, but I should be fi" Kihyun gripped his head then limply fell to the floor. Before his head could hit the floor, I dropped and cupped his head. Anything I could've hoped to say or scream was caught in my throat. I laid Kihyun's head on my lap then called an ambulance. I placed my phone on the floor then screamed, "Wonho!" A few seconds later, he comes sprinting into the kitchen, only to gasp and kneel beside me. "Oh my god, Kihyun! Shownu, what happened? Did you push him again?!" Wonho began firing questions non-stop. "Kihyun said he felt a little dizzy after showing me his bruises. He was about to say he was okay then he hit the floor! I didn't push him again, I think I've done more damage than I can hope to be forgiven for. Anyways, we don't have time for arguing!" Once I finished answering Wonho's questions, the paramedics arrived and began to place Kihyun onto the stretcher. Please be okay, Ki...

chapter 12

Trigger warning: self hatred and homophobia Wonho's pov I put my anger towards Shownu aside as I kneeled beside Kihyun's unconscious form. As the paramedics arrived and began to take Kihyun away, it truly began to sink in. This was Kihyun, the kid who just wanted to live his dream. The kid who apologized profusely when we cried over his performance. Kihyun had - and has - so much potential and happiness within his small and now bruised body. "Shownu, what made you push Kihyun and hurt him this bad? What ever he did, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose." I questioned, turning to my fellow trainee. Shownu scoffed. "As if you don't know, Wonho." "I don't know, that's clearly why I asked!" "Why was Kihyun so close to you last night? I just walked into the kitchen after hearing Kihyun scream, and there's Kihyun, stood between your legs as you sit on the counter. Both of his hands encasing yours." "Shownu, you made a big deal out of nothing. Look," I lifted my hand, "Kihyun was cleaning the cut I got. Although I could've done so, he insisted." Shownu's face fell, "So I really did all of this because he was helping you?" Shownu sat on the floor, his head in his hands. "Because of your jealousy, Kihyun is now being taken away in an ambulance. You jumped to conclusions insanely quickly, then acted on your anger. Although we are still in a competition, I suggest you stay away from Kihyun until you've got that anger under control." I slid my hands into my pockets then left the kitchen.

Shownu's pov

"Although we are still in a competition, I suggest you stay away from Kihyun until you've got that anger under control." Wonho stated then left the room. 'Stay away from Kihyun.' Was all I could think as I sat on the floor. Tears raced down my cheeks as I roughly yanked at my brown locks. I harshly wiped the tears off my face and jumped up from the floor. "I shouldn't be here, Kihyun needs me." I whispered as I ran out of the dorm. Although it took me a little while on foot, I eventually made it to the hospital. I rushed up the the reception desk and asked, "What room is Yoo Kihyun in?" The woman sighed then turned to her computer. "Are you the legal guardian of Kihyun?" I tried to catch my breath. "No, I'm his soulmate though." The receptionist scrunched up her nose in disgust but told me the room number anyways. I speed walked to room 312, Kihyun's room. Instead of finding Kihyun awake on the white bed, he was still asleep. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I pulled a chair up beside him. I carefully held his left hand between my own then laid my head on the bed. My tears soaking the once-clean bed. Wonho was right, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have acted so quickly. Because I acted childishly, my soulmate is in the hospital. Kihyun is in the hospital. I'm so stupid! Maybe Kihyun was right, we wouldn't be able to last.

chapter 13

Kihyun's pov

I awoke to an unfamiliar, and blinding, white room. The sharp stench of cleaning products and disinfectants wafted towards my nose. I sighed then tried to rub my eyes. However, I couldn't raise my left arm; someone was clutching it within their grasp. I scanned the person then sharply inhaled once I realized who it was. The events of my last day awake sent a sharp ache through my skull. I groaned and lifted my free hand to cup my throbbing head. Shownu shifted in his seat beside my hospital bed. He slowly sat up and blankly looked at me until he realized I was awake. His eyes widened and filled with tears. "Kihyun!"

Shownu's pov He's awake! Letting that be my only thought, I quickly leaned towards Kihyun and met his soft lips with my own. I felt Kihyun grow still from shock. Although I was shocked too, I couldn't care any less. A few seconds later, Kihyun slowly tried to kiss back. Although Kihyun was inexperienced, he slowly began to understand. His lips moved softly in synch with my own. His hands slowly moved to my arm and the back of my neck as he grew more comfortable with the kiss. Although I wished it would've lasted longer, Wonho stepped into the room unnoticed. We only noticed him because he coughed loudly. I quickly sat back down and tried to act casual. "Guys, this is a hospital, not a hotel. Have some kinda decency!" Wonho exclaimed as he sat some drinks down on the beside table. Kihyun blushed and looked down with a small smile on his face. "This is awkward- okay so I talked to Starship. They said the show would go on after Kihyun is told he can come back and perform. But they also sent a video to each trainee saying who was what rank. Kihyun, you're number one for the singing division, congratulations!" Wonho explained. Although I was happy Kihyun was first, I was jealous. He was going to get to sing a song with Soyou and Giriboy! Shownu, be supportive! He's your soulmate! "Congratulations, Ki. You're gonna do well!" I smiled.

Kihyun's pov Did Shownu really just kiss me? I thought he hated me! "Shownu, why did you kiss me? I thought you hated me?" I questioned as I sat up a little. Shownu stiffened up a little. Sensing Shownu wouldn't respond, Wonho stepped up. "Kihyun, do you remember when you were cleaning my cut? How close you were to me?" "Yeah, why?" "Lover boy over there thought something was between us and freaked out. He got jealous and jumped to conclusions instead of ask us what happened." Wonho stated then sipped his coffee. I felt a wave of relief crash over my mind. "Shownu, why didn't you just ask me? I'm not one to cheat but I understand where you're coming from. You saw me close to another guy. For future reference, know I'm not looking for any other guy." Shownu snapped out of his trance. "I don't actually know why I kissed you, Kihyun. It was a spur of the moment and I'm sorry if it was too soon." He lowered his head. I laughed. "Shownu, don't apologize! I enjoyed it, honestly. But I just wish my first kiss wasn't in a hospital room." "Wait, that was your first kiss? Like, ever?" "Well, yeah. No one was into me in high school, so I've never had a first kiss. Or, I never had had one until just now." I blushed. "Seriously? Kihyun, you're amazing! Who wouldn't be into you?" Shownu exclaimed. Well, I thought you wouldn't..

chapter 14

chapter 15

Kihyun's pov

A few days later, us trainees had to record again for No Mercy. The twelve of us stood upon the stage under the blinding lights and waited for the judges to speak. "First, the winning rappers. The trainee to release a song with Hyolyn and I is... Jooheon!" San E exclaimed and clapped a little. Jooheon beamed with excitement. "However, a rapper must still be eliminated. That trainee is... KwangJi, I'm sorry." San E continued. No, KwangJi! He helped me cook frequently, so we were close, now he's eliminated? My face fell. KwangJi "Out of the four winning vocalists, the trainee to release a song with Giriboy and I is... Kihyun!" Soyou looked towards me as she finished. I somberly walked towards the table and grabbed my golden #1 pin, pinning it beside my regular placement pin. I then walked back and stood beside Hyungwon, a bit fearful for Shownu. "Out of the four vocalists who lost, the one to be eliminated is..." Please, what ever god is listening, don't let Shownu be eliminated.. "Yooso." K.Will stated, lowering his head slightly. The said trainee's eyes quickly filled with tears and he slowly nodded; he unpinned his number plate from his shirt and placed it onto the table. With a bittersweet smile on his face, he walked off stage. Over the weeks we've been sharing a dorm together, most of us grew close with one another. Although Yooso and I weren't as close, it is still going to be weird not seeing him every day. It's bad enough to remove one trainee per mission, but two on just the second? As I looked around the room, I noticed everyone's eyes had filled with tears. My own eyes watered up as well, seeing Yoosu and KwangJi be eliminated. A few minutes later, we were told to go back to our dorm for the night. None of us knew how to console the two eliminated trainees. "I never thought I would be the one packing up." KwangJi stated as he neatly folded his clothes. "What about our promise Ji? You even said so this morning as we made breakfast." I wiped I tear from my cheek as I sat beside him. Minhyuk sighed. "I was actually jealous of you KwangJi, of how well you were doing at number three, while I am at 10. I always mentioned in the interviews that we came to Starship together, but now we won't debut together." "I had fun today though. And I told San E to remember my name, that I would be back some day to work with him." KwangJi sadly smiled, sitting down on the floor beside me. "To think you two won't be here with us anymore, it breaks my heart. I will try to make you guys proud." I teared up, bowing my head. "Ah, Kihyun, you'll do great! Don't worry about trying to make anyone proud except yourself, okay? Cheer up!" KwangJi exclaimed, ruffling my hair. I raised my head and nodded. KwangJi handed me a tissue then smiled again, this time a happier smile that reached his eyes. The next day, I woke up first again and began to make breakfast. This time, I felt quite alone as I cooked; I didn't have KwangJi to help me or keep me company. Somehow sensing my sadness, Shownu sleepily stumbles into the kitchen. "Do you need any help?" Shownu questioned, walking beside me. "Please!" I exclaimed. I was glad I didn't have to cook for ten alone. Ten. That's right, there's only ten of us now. I'm gonna miss Yoosu and KwangJi.

chapter 16

Kihyun's pov As I set all of the cooked food onto the table, I felt like I was forgetting something. Did I turn the stove off? Wait- it's Minhyuk's birthday! "Shownu, can you grab a cake in the fridge and set it on the table too?" I asked as I reached into the cabinet for plates. "Kihyun, it's 10 am, why are we having cake?" Shownu questioned but got the cake regardless. "Because Nu, it's Minhyuk's birthday! He's eighteen now, so hopefully he will find his soulmate!" I replied with a smile. "Kihyun, how are you still so nice to him? He always had something cruel to say to you, yet you bought him a cake?" "No, I didn't buy him a cake, I made him a cake!" I exclaimed as I saw how well the cake turned out. I spent three hours making that cake last night, I hope he likes it! Shownu just shook his head in disbelief and carefully placed the cake on the table. Once we had everything on the table neatly, the remaining eight trainees filed into the kitchen. Minhyuk sleepily stumbled in last and quickly sat down in a chair, placing his head on the table. Light snores began to fill the air. I giggled then sat down beside Minhyuk. "Minhyuk, wake up! It's your birthday, come on! I made you a cake!" I chimed as I poked him a few times. From the other side of the table, I could see Jooheon shift nervously and pull his shorts lower on his thighs. Odd.... Minhyuk lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. His eyes suddenly widened slightly. His face grew red- out of being shy or anger I didn't know- then his eyes landed on Jooheon. "Are you serious?" Minhyuk lowly asked, glaring at Jooheon. "So it's true." Jooheon calmly replied. I looked back and forth between the pair. Once I looked back to Jooheon, I heard Minhyuk's chair loudly screech before seeing him stand up. "I can't- no!" Minhyuk screamed then ran out of the kitchen in a blur. My eyebrows furrowed before I followed Minhyuk out of the kitchen. I remembered how I had ran off the morning I found out Shownu was my soulmate. Because of what I had done, I walked into the dorm room Minhyuk inhabited. Where is he? Why did he run away? He wasn't in his bunk, nor around the bedroom. My eyebrows creased again as I walked out of the bedroom. I began to check other rooms in the dorm. Not in the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, or a bedroom. Where did he go? I didn't check the bathroom! I softly whacked my forehead with my hand before running towards the bathroom. I leaned my ear against the door and heard faint sobs. I lightly knocked on the door. "Minhyuk? Why are you crying, today is the day you find out who your soulmate is!" I asked from outside of the bathroom. Minhyuks heart-wrenching sobs only grew in volume.

chapter 17

Trigger warnings:self hatred, what some would consider self harm, internalized homophobia, homophobic derogatory terms. Minhyuk's pov I was awoken by Kihyun poking me constantly. "Minhyuk, wake up! It's your birthday, come on! I made you a cake!" Kihyun excitedly exclaimed in the seat beside me. I groaned and rubbed my eyes. Once I lowered my arms, my eyes landed on the name that graced my wrist. Lee Jooheon. Aw I can't wait to meet him! Wait, him? Oh my god, Lee Jooheon is a guy's name, and I'm sat with him! I put my wrist down quickly before anyone else could see the disgraceful name on my wrist. This can't be real, this has to be a joke! Haha world, it's not funny anymore, you can put the girl's name on my wrist now. A minute passed and I looked back down to my wrist. Not seeing a different name, I looked to the male in question. "Are you serious?" I growled with a glare. "So it's true." Jooheon states as he leaned back into his chair more. Oh my god, he's serious. Wait, he's known this entire time we were soulmates but didn't tell me? I could've at least tried to pray for this sin! "I can- no!" I shouted as I ran out of the kitchen and into the bathroom farthest away in the dorm. This is all a joke, Minhyuk! Yeah, just a sick joke. Scrub it off so the truth will be revealed! I stood before the sink with a wash cloth in hand, pumping soap onto my wrist. I hastily turned the water on and began roughly scrubbing at my wrist. Not noticing any results, I rinsed my wrist off before trying again. Nothing, it's still there. I tried scratching at my wrist, hoping I could somehow get the ink off. By the third wash attempt, my wrist was raw and I was sobbing. It won't come off- it won't wash off. I can't get this disgusting name off of my once smooth, pale wrist. With the water still running, I shakily stood with a hand on each side of the sink's counter. I tried to stabilize myself as much as I could. My head grew heavy with the cold thoughts so I let it shamefully hang, tears still streaming down. "This can't be happening." I muttered, my arms and legs shaking harder as it sunk in further and further. Great job Minhyuk, you're a faggot too. A nasty queer. You are what you hate, what'll you do? Just sit and cry? My hands reached up to cover my ears, hoping to drown out the sounds of my own thoughts. I knew it was futile and slid down onto the floor. I curled up into a ball and wept.

chapter 18

Kihyun's pov Minhyuk's sobs only grew louder and I began imagining the worst possible reasons for his tears. "Minhyuk, it's Kihyun, please unlock the door. I just wanna talk." I calmly pleaded from outside the bathroom. "Go away faggot, you'll make this worse! Leave me alone!" Minhyuk cried out. Hearing him yell made me flinch and hesitate to speak again, but I did so in the end. "Minhyuk, I'm not leaving you like this. You may have said hurtful things but I don't think that makes you a bad person overall. Please, just let me in. I want to help you!" I sighed out. A few moments of silence -save for the crying male in the bathroom- later, I heard the door click open. With a sad but glad smile, I opened the bathroom door. I didn't want to rush him into speaking yet, so I slid to the floor beside him. Once I was sure he wouldn't crumble, I slowly wrapped my arms around Minhyuk and slowly brought him to my chest, where he continued to let hot tears roll from his now puffy eyes. I gently ran my fingers through his hair, hoping to calm him any at all. That's how we sat for at least ten minutes. Once Minhyuk deemed he was calmed down, he pulled his face out my chest but stayed in my arms. "Kihyun, why are you still so nice to me?" Minhyuk asked bewildered. "I never know what is going on behind closed doors or within the other person's head, so I try to keep kind. I can't bare the thought of hating anyone, not even- well, he doesn't matter right now. I'm here to help you!" I replied then handed him some toilet paper. As Minhyuk took the toilet paper, my eyes fell to his raw and slightly bleeding forearm. "Minhyuk, what happened to your arm?" I questioned as I crawled closer to the sink cabinet to grab the first aid kit. He dryly laughed. "I didn't get the name I would've hoped. I didn't even get the gender I expected." I got the box and first cleaned the blood from his wrist. I took a cotton ball and soaked it in some alcohol before dabbing it on his bleeding areas whilst he spoke. Once that was done, I began to apply an antibiotic ointment to his wrist to help it heal. Minhyuk grimaced slightly as I gently massaged some into his skin. "You're just like Shownu and I then." I muttered as I focused more on helping his wrist. "Why aren't you laughing that karma came back to bite me?" Minhyuk crinkled his nose, and I began to wrap gauze around his wrist. "Why would I laugh? Even if you didn't say such words, Jooheon would've been your soulmate anyways. Like we've always been taught, it's predetermined and we can't stop it. You two are meant for each other." I stuck some of the kit's tape around the end of the gauze to secure it. I handed Minhyuk a clean wash cloth and he began to wash the tear stains from his cheeks. "How are you able to dress wounds so well?" Minhyuk asked as we stood up from the floor. Years of being constantly wounded might have taught me a thing or two.

chapter 19

Kihyun's pov still Once fully collected, Minhyuk and I arose from the cold bathroom tile. "Ugh my butt went numb from sitting so long!" Minhyuk whined then genuinely laughed. I laughed with him as we walked back to the kitchen. No amount of past cooking mistakes could have prepared me for the mess Minhyuk and I entered to. The other eight trainees made a huge mess in the kitchen. Sure, they were laughing and having fun, but the kitchen! There was spilled juice and coffee coating the table, floor, and some of their clothes. Poor Hyungwon was even completely covered in flour. Minhyuk looked to me, unsure of what we should do. I motioned for Minhyuk to cover his ears. I quietly sighed before screaming. Once everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to me, I began calmly speaking as I carefully walked into the kitchen. "Guys, what is this mess? Why is Hyungwon suddenly the Pillsbury Dough Boy? I leave y'all alone for," I looked at the oven clock, "thirty minutes and my kitchen gets wrecked?" The eight boys hung their heads before apologizing. "Thank you for your apologies, guys. Clean this mess up spotless and I will forgive you." I replied as I scanned over just how large a mess they managed to make. My eyes flashed to the table as I remembered Minhyuk's cake. "At least you had the decency not to ruin the birthday cake I worked so hard on." I mumbled as I placed it back into the fridge. Hyungwon closed his eyes tightly as he tried to wipe some flour from his face. I gave up the angry façade I held up. "Did you guys have fun at least?" I asked. They all nodded with small smiles on their faces. "Then that's all that truly matters." I smiled back before helping them clean some. A few minutes into cleaning, I realized we wouldn't get too far with Hyungwon continuously losing the flour that clung to him. "Hyunwon, go on and shower that mess off, we can't clean it all if you keep snowing!" I laughed a little as the powdered doughnut I knew as Hyungwon retreated. "I've got to ask, who floured him?" I snorted as I dried some coffee up. "That might've been me but you'll never know for certain!" Wonho exclaimed as he put the bag of flour away. "Hmm, that half empty bag in your clutches says otherwise." Minhyuk chimed in as he wiped down the stove. Shownu let out a chuckle as he and Seokwan washed the dishes. Hearing him laugh, my head whipped around- quite possibly too quickly as I got slightly dizzy. I held onto the counter hoping it would pass. "Ki, are you okay?" Shownu asked as he came to stand beside me, sliding his arm around my waist to support me. "Yeah, I guess I moved too quick." I mumbled. "Kihyun!" Shownu whined, "You know the doctor said not to move suddenly! Come on, sit down for a bit. The eight of us have it covered. We're almost done now." Shownu carefully pulled me to sit down in a now clean chair. I carefully rubbed at my temples and forehead. What would I do without you, Nu?

chapter 20

Kihyun's pov

Shownu carefully led my dizzy self to a kitchen chair and made sure I was sat down. "Don't worry, Ki. We're capable of cleaning our own mess!" Shownu states before turning away from me. Before he walked away, he leaned down and gave a soft kiss to my forehead. He walked away with a smile on his lips. Heat rose to my cheeks as I sat still. With a small smile I touched my forehead- right where he kissed me. I felt my forehead tingle as the warmth from his lips faded. The smile didn't seem to leave my face. Soon, the eight men finished cleaning the kitchen and Hyungwon returned from his shower- no longer drowned by the white flour. My dizziness faded as I walked into the now-clean kitchen. "Good job guys, you cleaned that wreck of a mess up." I muttered as I walked towards the fridge. "Minhyuk, are you ready to celebrate?" I asked over my shoulder as I took the cake from the fridge. With a shaky sigh, Minhyuk nodded then raked his hand through his messy bangs. I carefully took the cake to the table and placed it in the middle. I opened a box of candles and slowly pushed eighteen of the blue and white candles into the center of the cake. Before I could search for a lighter, Shownu pops up behind me— scaring me slightly— and lights the candles. He took me by my hand and calmly lead me a few steps away from the table so Minhyuk could blow them out.

Third person pov

As this happened, Jooheon was stood in a corner, his hands in his pockets, as he sadly watched his soulmate near his cake. He knew of what Minhyuk did in the bathroom— his arm being a telltale sign. Jooheon also knew how large of a homophobe Minhyuk is- or hopefully was. He had witnessed firsthand as Minhyuk threw insult after insult of verbal abuse to Kihyun while Shownu wasn't around. But now, how would Minhyuk change— If he did at all? Would he fall for Jooheon as Jooheon fell for Minhyuk? Would he only become more malevolent and cruel? Jooheon didn't know what would happen between them. The pair had been getting along so well— save for Jooheon being shy around Minhyuk. They weren't clashing or sending rude comments— they were simply coexisting. But to Jooheon, he was happy they were friends. The thought of Minhyuk hating him sent knives of agony through his heart and mind. It would nearly kill Jooheon if he knew what Minhyuk thought of them— disgusting humans. Minhyuk absolutely hated that his soulmate was a guy. He didn't mind that the guy was Jooheon, just the fact that his soulmate was a guy too. Although Minhyuk couldn't deny to himself an interest in Jooheon, he would never say such aloud. Instead of dwelling longer on these pestering thoughts, he made a silent wish within his mind and blew the candles on his cake out.

'I wish this is all just a sick, twisted joke...'

chapter 21

Kihyun's pov A smile graced my lips as I watched Minhyuk. I was stood rigid in Shownu's strong arms. Don't enjoy it too much, keep your guard high. Although he explained he was jealous, he could still do it again. Dad would apologize, then do it again. Don't trust other guys! Together, the nine of us watched as Minhyuk blew the eighteen candles on his cake out. "Minhyuk, what did you wish for?" Jooheon timidly asked, still stood in the corner. "If I told you, it wouldn't come true!" Minhyuk childishly exclaimed. He pulled a candle from his cake and licked the frosting off. "Min, you're gonna get your germs all over the cake!" I jokingly whined and begrudgingly pulled myself out of Shownu's hold. "Right, right. Sorry mom!" Minhyuk apologized as he laughed a little. Jooheon slowly walked behind Minhyuk and gently rested his hand on Minhyuk's back. Minhyuk stiffened up a bit then melted— possibly because he was distracted by cake.

Minhyuk's pov I finished apologizing to Kihyun and felt a hand gently take rest on my mid back. I dont know who's hand it is on my back, but I hope he doesn't move. I was stood anxiously as I blew out the candles, but Jooheon's touch is calming. Far too calming. Why am I so calm about Jooheon's skin ship? I never let anyone touch me for this long, not even family or friends! I shook those thoughts out of my head and decided to live in this moment. Kihyun had worked so hard on the cake that I don't want to disappoint him. Instead, I allowed Jooheon's hand to stay in place. Jooheon and I could bicker later— cake comes first. Wonho sliced into the cake and began serving pieces on some plates. Wonho handed me the first piece saying, "Birthday boy first!" I smiled in thanks and picked up a fork, then sat at the table. My eyes widened after the first bite, as did everyone else's as they ate. "Yoo Kihyun, you've done it again! This is amazing!" Wonho exclaimed with a mouthful. Kihyun and Shownu looked at each other and began laughing hard. "Yoo Kihyun?" Kihyun asked Shownu in a fake deep voice, mocking Shownu. "Uh oh, gotta go!" Shownu exclaimed and fake ran towards the living room before coming back. The ten of us all smiled as we remembered our first day in the No Mercy dorm. In the midst of this, Jooheon's hand slid from my back to beside my hand. I only noticed where his hand was once he gained confidence to lace his fingers with mine. "Happy birthday, Minhyuk." Jooheon quietly says ad he rubs his thumb on the back of my hand. "Thank you, Jooheon." I whispered back just as quietly. I gave his hand a light squeeze and continued to enjoy Kihyun's beautifully frosted, vanilla cake. I let my head fall to Jooheon's shoulder— all of the previous tears and the restless night had exhausted me. Jooheon's head soon rested on mine as I fell into a deep sleep, cherishing his warmth and closeness while I was tired.

chapter 22

Jooheon's pov Minhyuk laid his head on my shoulder and fell asleep. I sat as still as I could but wrapped my arm around him, so he wouldn't fall. I had expected him to sleep for a few minutes but that had quickly turned to thirty. I gently shook Minhyuk. "Minhyuk, come on. Lets get you into bed." I managed to mutter and helped Minhyuk stand upright. I held one hand around his waist and another on his hand and led him into our shared dorm room. I pulled his blanket back and guided his sleepy form onto the bottom bunk he resides in. I then pulled the blanket up and over his body. Minhyuk snuggled deeply into his blanket and pillow. I smiled and turned to leave. However, I was halted. Minhyuk's bandaged arm shot out from the burgundy comforter and grabbed my hand. I turned around confusedly and looked down at the half-asleep boy. "Please, stay.." Minhyuk begged as he tugged me closer to himself on the bed. "Minhyuk, you're just sleepy. You don't actually want us to sleep in the same bed." I replied sadly. The smile I held had faded as I thought of what he'd actually say. "I don't care, come here." Minhyuk demanded this time and pulled me into the bunk and under the comforter. I awkwardly pulled the blanket to cover us better. Minhyuk didn't act awkwardly at all— he instead placed his head onto my chest and fell asleep to my heartbeat. How did you manage to fall back asleep so quickly Min? I snapped out of my thoughts as my eyelids grew heavy. I pulled Minhyuk closer and succumbed to sleep myself.

Kihyun's pov A smile rose to my cheeks. Jooheon held Minhyuk so gently, as though Minhyuk may break from the slightest of pressures. Jooheon led the sleepy younger male out of the spotless kitchen. Shownu suddenly grabbed me by my hand and pulled me into our dorm room— that now sadly held just our two bunks. He shut the door before turning towards me with a sly smile. "Why did you bring me in here, Nu?" I asked as I pulled a stuffed bear to my chest. That smile always makes me nervous.. "I'm just really sleepy although I've had coffee." Shownu pouted as he sat down beside me. I shyly smiled back and laid down, Shownu followed my lead and laid with his arm open expectantly. I gave him a confused look until he pulled me into his hold. I grinned and sat my head on his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist and my left hand rested on his stomach. As Shownu's breathing and heart rate slowed and evened, my left hand fiddled with the cloth under my hand. Being held like this, it's calming. I feel loved. Why do I keep pushing him away? Before Shownu succumbed fully to sleep, he sleepily muttered a thought that was plaguing my mind. "Ki, why do you continuously push away my affection? I don't like being pushed away.."

chapter 23

Kihyun's pov "Ki, why do you continuously push my affection away? I don't like being pushed away.." My soulmate sleepily mumbled before falling into a deep sleep, soft snores coming from his nose. Although he had so easily fallen asleep, I found myself now wide awake, deeply in thought. Why do I push him away so much? Well, he did push me roughly off the ladder, now I'm covered in bruises... but I can tell he definitely feels remorseful, unlike dad. But Shownu isn't my father, Shownu is definitely better... I can trust him, right? But, the last time I trusted someone with my anything, I only wound up scarred... Then again, no one has treated me with as much love and affection as Shownu.. well, there's Wonho but he's a different kind of love. And we are still trying to debut, hopefully together. Won't that cause a lot of conflict and a rocky love? "I guess I really only have one choice." I muttered aloud, Shownu's arms tightened around my waist. I was still slightly confused why he chose to sleep with me. We hadn't shared a bed before now, and we have the room to ourselves? I may begin to fear for my safety slightly. I've never slept in the same bed as anyone but Wonho— whom I consider my closest friend nowadays. I knew Wonho wouldn't really mind my sleeping habits, but it's still very vague with my soulmate. I raised my gaze only to find what I would describe only as 'adorable.' Shownu's nose was crinkled and his eyebrows furrowed. A smile rose to my cheeks as I saw the cute sight of a sleeping Shownu. His hair was sticking up in places and his hands still wrapped securely around my waist. I winced slightly as he applied the small amount of force on my bruised back. Shownu's eyes slightly opened and he looked down at me. "Why are you still awake? The doctors told you to get as much rest as possible." He sleepily scolded, "Are you not comfortable?" Shownu pouted slightly and shifted a little. "I'm comfy, but I was just thinking about what you'd said before you fell asleep." I trailed off slowly as I drew circles on his stomach. "What did I say?" Shownu asked then thought for a moment. A lightbulb seemingly went off in his brain as he remembered. "Don't mind what I said too much, Ki. I get that you may not be fully okay with skinship after what you've been through. I won't rush you, just please tell me when I make you uncomfortable, okay? Otherwise I won't know what I can't do; I just don't want to cause you anymore pain than I have." Shownu teared up a bit and lightly rubbed the large bruise on my back. "I know you don't, Nu. I know you didn't even want to cause this, so I forgive you. I'm putting my trust in you, okay? Please, just don't be like the others in my life. Please don't break my trust, I don't know how much more I can take." I timidly asked and lowered my head closer to his chest. "I promise!" Shownu exclaimed and lifted his pinky. I laughed a little but intertwined our pinkies, stamping our thumbs together childishly.

chapter 24

Shownu's pov I intertwined my pinky with Kihyun's smaller one and stamped our thumbs together with a small smile. "I promise, Yoo Kihyun. I- I don't actually know how I've survived these past few days since I- since I.." I choked back tears as my voice cracked. Kihyun seemed to understand as he nodded his head slightly. With tears threatening to spill and my head pounding, I gently sat Kihyun and I up on his bed. My fingers slowly made their way to the bottom seam of Kihyun's gray cotton T-shirt. I looked into Kihyun's eyes, silently asking permission to lift his shirt. He shyly nodded his head, whispering "Go ahead." I gently pulled the gray shirt off of Kihyun's slender body then placed it on the bed. A tear fell from my eye once I saw the bruises on his back. The dark hues of purple and blue painted his lower back. They seemed almost endless as they faded upwards to the middle of his back. I gently rubbed above the bruises, hoping not to make them ache anymore than they probably did. I grew more disgusted with myself the longer I studied the bruises. I carefully turned Kihyun to face me as we still sat on the bed. I saw the less severe-but more emotionally traumatizing- bruise shaped like my fingers on his chest. I lightly ran my right hand— the hand that shoved Kihyun from the bunk— over the bruise just under his pale collarbone. Liquid pain poured from my tear ducts; the bruise was a perfect match of my hand. Without a second thought I pressed a kiss onto the bruise, my tears rolled onto his chest and lap. The weight of the past occurrence grew heavy in my psyche as I lowered head shamefully. I couldn't conjure any words even if I wanted to as I carefully pulled Kihyun onto my lap. I felt Kihyun's small hand thread it's fingers through my dark hair. Here he is comforting me even though I was the one who caused this pain— his pain. I don't deserve him, I don't deserve his love or caring nature directed at me. "Kihyun, why don't you hate me?" I mumbled as I caressed my nose into his neck, my tears still dripping onto him. "Why don't I hate you?" Kihyun asked for confirmation. "Why do you still care about me? I was the one who hurt you, you should hate me." I whispered just loud enough for him to hear me. "You're one of the most important people in my life, I couldn't hate you for anything. I might get disappointed, but never hate you for anything. We're young, we are bound to make mistakes and hopefully grow from them." Kihyun wisely states, "That-that was a mistake, right?" He then worriedly asked. "Absolutely! I never want to do that again— I never wanted to do it in the first place, but I can't change the past. I have to live with what I've caused." I exclaimed once I lifted my head from the crook of Kihyun's neck. We then heard an impatient cough from the doorway. "Am I interrupting something?" Wonho asked with a small smile as he looked from me to the shirtless Kihyun still sat facing me in my lap. I looked Kihyun in the eye and we laughed a little together as we saw Wonho's surprised look.

chapter 25

Kihyun's pov As I laughed I leaned my head onto Shownu's shoulder, deeply inhaling his intoxicating scent. I couldn't put my finger on what exactly, only that it made my head spin. "Kihyun, can I talk to you for a second?" Wonho asked as he stood in the doorway, he tapped his foot on the floor. "Aren't you talking to me already?" I coyly shot back, a smug smile on my lips as I craned my neck to look at him. Wonho sighed. "Yes, I am talking to you, but this is serious, Kihyunie. I need to talk to you, I don't think it can wait any longer." I turned around in Shownu's lap, my back now laid comfortably on his chest. "If you really need to talk to me, you can say it in front of Shownu; we've silently promised no secrets." I explained. Wonho closed his eyes in annoyance for a few seconds before walking farther into to room. "Kihyun, Shownu, I really am happy you two are getting along so well, but isn't this much progress in such a short time a little weird to you?" Wonho asked as he took a seat on the bed opposite Shownu and I. "Not really...?" Shownu trailed, "Why would it be weird? Because we're two guys?" "Don't jump to an accusation like that, Shownu. I couldn't care any less that you're both males, but rather how quickly your pace is. You've known each other's physical existence for, what, six weeks now? And just two days ago, you were put into the hospital, Kihyun, because of Shownu's recklessness. Here you are, forty eight hours later, sleeping in the same bed as each other, in a bedroom all by yourselves." Wonho was cut off by Shownu. "Don't try to tell us we're going 'too fast,' what matters is we are comfortable in our relationship, as of now it holds no true title apart from soulmates. Remember, Wonho? How soulmate pairs will feel a pull towards their destined half? I really can't help how I feel towards Kihyun, but if it makes him uncomfortable any at all, I will back off and avoid repeating it." I opened my mouth to speak, but Wonho beat me to it. "I understand that, but I don't think you've grasped just how hard he was crying into me Sunday night. Poor boy couldn't even breathe properly until ten minutes after his tears subdued." Wonho began, leaning forward a little defensively towards us. My hands began to shake a little as I played with Shownu's left hand, my unstable fingers tracing my name. "It wasn't a panic nor anxiety attack like he's had before a stage, Shownu. You know just how bad his PTSD is, especially when he first met us all. Cowering when a voice was slightly raised. Growing pale when alcohol was even mentioned. Running out of a room when two members play fought. "It- it took so, so long for him to have enough courage to just look us in the eye. I don't want to go back to that time again; I don't want Kihyunie to be that scared around us. I'm scared you're going to cause chaos and just leave Kihyun and I to pick up his shattered pieces." Wonho finished, slightly out of breath. He looked as though a weight was lifted from his shoulders. "I'm not going to hurt him." Shownu was interjected by Wonho again, "Shownu. You said that again to me two adays before this mess happened, what's to say it won't again?" "Guys, can I butt in?" I whispered. "Guys." I said a little louder. The two didn't seem to hear me and continued bickering. Even as I moved off of Shownu's lap and out of the bedroom, I was unnoticed. I can't handle this, they're getting really loud! But where do I go? Wonho is obviously busy, Minhyuk is sleeping, and I don't want to bother anyone.

chapter 26

Kihyun's pov Well, wherever I decide to go, I can't go shirtless! I thought as I walked into Wonho's closet and picked out a hoodie. As I was pulling the hoodie on, I realized just how much weight I had lost since No Mercy began. I was a healthy weight six weeks ago, now I'm verging being underweight. All of the extra dancing and singing, mixed with the chaos of a soulmate who pushed me off a bunk, is making my body grow weary. Even so, I could still bear a few kilos more... I shook all of the negative thoughts from my head as I grabbed my phone, earbuds, and wallet and walked silently out of the front door. With no place in mind in particular, I began walking around aimlessly. Almost emotionlessly, I made my way into the park purely by muscle memory. Before I had grown close to Wonho, I would come to the small lake for serenity. The lake was the only other place I could go to, my family was never an option; they had all given up on me after mother died. I kneeled close to the water's surface and let my fingertips run through it, small ripples forming behind them. A smile rose to my face as a few ducks swam past. My phone began ringing, the ducks all quickly swam away from the annoying sound. I checked the caller ID: Nunu, I ignored the call and turned the ringer off. From Wonho's hoodie pocket I could feel it vibrate with each text. Instead of checking them, I chose to ignore them and watch as the sun set. The sky that once was hues of blue had now faded to pinks and oranges before I checked the texts.

Nunu 🐻 Why did you ignore my call? Ki, where are you? Kihyun? Baby? You aren't in the dorm None of the others have seen you I don't know where you are, but I'm coming to find you!

Wonho 🐰 Kihyun, why aren't you answering any of our calls? Where did you run away to?? Are you okay wherever you are, at least? I'm coming to find you!

I turned my phone off and nonchalantly placed it back into the hoodie pocket. Figuring I wouldn't want to go back to the dorm quickly, I began walking to the closest convenience store. I pushed the glass doors of the store open then began browsing the isles for anything to pique my interest. I nervously chewed on my lip as I looked over the snacks; I knew just how unhealthy they all were but I couldn't care any less at this point. Picking up a few different chocolate bars and a drink from a fridge, I walked to the register counter amd quickly payed. I thanked the worker then hastily made my way out of the store that felt like it was closing in on me. As I began to stumble back to the park, the sky began to cry; its tears dripping into my earthy brown hair. I sighed and pulled the hood over my head then sat down under a tall tree. The weather seemed to perfectly mirror my mood; I too began to silently cry as I sat under that tree. My lips quivered as I desperately tried to hold back the tears; now was not a time to shown weakness, but when was there going to be another time I would be fully alone to cry by myself? I began to weep— all of the pains finally merged their powers together and began beating me senselessly. My abusive home life, stress of being a trainee, finding my soulmate, losing two fellow trainees, being hurt by my soulmate; the pressure of them all caused me to break down. For what felt like hours—but had only been a few minutes— I sobbed under that old Ash tree. I wiped the tears on my cheeks only for them to be endlessly replaced. I looked toward the sky, still it was pouring, the rain drops mixed with the tears still rolling down my cheeks. "Kihyun!" I heard a muffled voice yell. My tears had obscured my vision to the point of being unable to tell who was running towards me. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to decipher who was sprinting in my direction. I was cut out of my thoughts by a pair of lips being pressed to my own, a pair that felt too right moving with my own chapped and tear-soaked lips. My eyes closed as I allowed the kiss to continue. His hand reached into my damp hair and he softly ran his fingers through the brown strands. He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine, "Kihyun, I found you." He whispered. I still had yet to open my eyes; I was far too stunned with the amount of passion I had felt. My mind grew fuzzy as I still felt his warmth on my lips and heard him whisper so closely to me.

chapter 27

Kihyun's pov

"Why did you run away, Kihyunie?" The still-muffled voice asked, "You really scared me!" "You guys started fighting and raising your voices, so I panicked and bolted." I mumbled as I wiped my tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry Shownu and I got loud, I was just really worried.." he replied as he smoothed my frizzy hair down. "Yeah, you two were— wait! You aren't Shownu?" I timidly asked as I meekly opened my eyes to see the spaced out form slowly merge into one. "No, I don't know why you were expecting him to find you. That idiot was looking in every place you wouldn't be, but I found you. I found you first." Wonho explained with a smirk on his lips. "Wonho?! Why on Earth would you kiss me? You know I was perfectly content with the forming relationship with my soulmate!" I exclaimed, a new wave a tears washed over me. "Well why wouldn't I kiss you?" He slyly states as he pecks my lips again. "They're intoxicating, no wonder that imbecile cares about you." "Wonho, haven't you realized what you've just done? What you're causing?" I choked out and scooted away from him a bit. "Shownu clearly doesn't deserve you, look how he has treated you, Kihyunie. But yet through your struggles, your problems, who was there more? Who was always there to pick up your shattered remains?" "You were always there, but I thought you were a friend; a brother! Not a lover!" "Come on, Kihyun, be real with me. He wouldn't be capable of protecting you, loving you as you should be, caring for and about you. Shownu just isn't that kind of man." Wonho says as he helps me stand up from the muddy ground. My legs wobbled and my knees buckled underneath me. Without batting an eye, he lifts me into his arms and begins walking. In my weakened state I tried to free myself of his grip. "No, Wonho! Stop trying to feed me all of your lies, they aren't going to work!" My scratchy voice exclaimed. "They aren't lies, Kihyunie. Shownu doesn't deserve your love, your caring nature. He isn't worth wasting your time on." "He's my soulmate, Wonho!" I cried, still thrashing around in his iron grip. "He is my soulmate— Shownu is! Wonho, you aren't the name on my thigh, Shownu is. 'Son Shownu' is on my thigh, not 'Shin Wonho!' Let me go!" "Who really cares anymore, a lot of pairings choose to stay as friends. Kihyunie, I really like you. If I didn't I wouldn't be out in this downpour carrying you back to the dorm. Just, think it over, okay?" "What is there to think over? My soulmate versus the guy who I cheated with? Oh my god I'm a cheater! I cheated on Shownu!" My eyes burned with more and more tears that formed. "Shownu is going to hate me, and it's all your fault! Why did you have to kiss me?" I wailed. "Why did you kiss back?" Wonho shot as he carefully shifted me in his arms. "I thought you were Shownu! I didn't know who you actually were, I regret it!" "If you regret it, why did you whisper 'That felt right' after I pulled away?" Wonho asks as we near the front door of the dorm. My tear-filled eyes widened. Why did kissing Wonho feel so right, so perfect?

chapter 28

Kihyun's pov

Wonho smirked again, knowing he had completely shut me up. "If you regret it, why did you kiss back with so much need and want?" "I thought you were Shownu." I hopelessly whispered as he opened the door. I felt utterly defeated as I gave up fighting. The single thing I could do was silently cry even more fiery tears from my puffy eyes. I pulled my phone from my pocket and typed Shownu a quick text. Nunu 🐻 Wonho found me I'm back at the dorm I'm so sorry

"Even after all of this, you're still trying to run back to Shownu? Kihyunie, I already told you he isn't worth wasting your time on!" Wonho exasperatedly exclaimed as he brought me to his bunk. "And you are?" I questioned as I ran just as soon as I was sat down on his bed. I heard Wonho growl a little under his breath as I left. I ran into Shownu and I's room and quickly locked the door. I crawled into Shownu's bed and pulled his blanket over my tattered form. Everything around me then faded to black once I laid down.

Shownu's pov

Ki 💜 Wonho found me I'm back at the dorm I'm so sorry

I read Kihyun's texts to myself as I stood in the rain. I pulled my hood tighter to myself and began sprinting as fast as I could, not caring at all how my lungs begged for me to slow down. I made the ten minute walk to the dorm in two minutes by running. I pulled the door open then stumbled through the door. Not caring how much water I was dripping, I made the journey to my room and twisted the handle. Locked. I continuously knocked on the door, "Kihyun! Ki, it's Shownu, please let me in!" I begged the closed door. I heard no response from the other side. "Ki? Baby? Are you okay?" I asked to no avail. I clenched my jaw and rolled my shoulders before walking to Wonho's room. I angrily knocked on the door but gave a deceiving smile to Wonho. "Wonho? What did you just do?" I asked the smug male. Wonho lifted his eyes to meet my own. "I told you how I feel about Kihyun, and what I would do if I found him first. I kissed Kihyun, and he kissed back." Wonho states as his smirk grows more. Why would Kihyun kiss Wonho back? Am I not good enough? "He- he kissed back?" I timidly asked, my angry façade lowered for a second before I raised it back up. "Oh, he kissed you back, huh? I'm seriously betting he regrets it. Why else would he have locked himself in our room?" "Maybe he's realizing you aren't what he wants." Wonho says with a sickeningly sweet fake smile. "Maybe he's realizing he doesn't want someone who has hurt him— someone who has triggered his ptsd oh so frequently." "I may not be the best for him yet, I may not be exactly what he wants— but I'll try my hardest to be the best for Kihyun. I'll be the best soulmate possible to Kihyun." I coldly reply before walking away from him. I'm coming, Ki. Don't worry!

chapter 29

Shownu's pov

"Ki, please let me in, I'm not mad at you. I'm a little disappointed, but not mad. Open the door?" I asked after knocking. "Ki? Kihyun?" I asked, this time more worried about him. Receiving no response, I tried to open the door again, although I already knew the outcome. I pressed my ear to the door to listen for any sign of Kihyun. As I knocked repeatedly on the door, Hyungwon sleepily came out of his room and rubbed his eyes. "Quit knocking Shownu, use the stupid key!" Hyungwon groaned then stumbled towards the living room. I smacked myself on the forehead. Why didn't I remember the key?! I'm so stupid! Anything could be happening behind that door yet I'm just knocking away! I reached my hand to the top of the door frame in search of the small metal object. My anxious fingers caused the key to fall from the frame. I sighed then quickly grabbed the bronze colored key and stuck it into the lock. I pulled the now unlocked door open. My shaking eyes scanned the room for my soulmate. I noticed the large lump on my bed and scampered towards it. "Kihyun, are you okay?" I asked as I lightly shook the sleeping male. "Kihyun?" I shook him a little harder, but not enough to hurt. Why isn't he waking up? He isn't responding to being shook. I sat down on the bed beside Kihyun and continued to shake him. I physically couldn't do anything besides shaking him; my body just wouldn't cooperate. 'Don't dance or get too stressed, I don't want to see such a young man here again' I remember the nurse saying just before Kihyun and I walked out the front door of the hospital. Oh my god Kihyun! He's passed out again— this is twice in a single week! I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to Wonho.

Me Come to my room

Wonho Why? Have you finally came to your senses?

Me No, but neither is Kihyun He stressed out too much He isn't responding to anything

The second I pressed send, Wonho bounded through the door. "You better not be lying to me, Shownu." Wonho exclaimed before his eyes fell to the unresponsive Kihyun laying in my bed. His smug façade quickly dropped as he quickly walked towards Kihyun and I. "Kihyunie, wake up! Stop acting like you're asleep. Kihyunie, it isn't funny anymore!" Wonho teared up as he carefully tried to wake Kihyun up. I dialed 911 and put the phone to my ear. "I need an ambulance, my soulmate passed out again. He has a concussion and isn't responding to anything I try." I cried into the phone. "Sir, you're going to have to calm down a little. What's the address?" She asked as I heard her click a few keys. I quickly told her our dorm address and she dispatched an ambulance. "The ambulance will be there as soon as possible, please remain calm." She states then hangs up. How the heck do I stay calm? Kihyun has passed out again because of my actions!

chapter 30

Shownu's pov

Yet again I had to hear the horrid siren. Yet again I had to sit back and watch as Kihyun was placed onto a stretcher. Yet again I had brought harm to Kihyun. My head began to dully ache as I held back a flood of tears. My bottom lip trembled as I watched them take away my sickly pale soulmate. I tried to get into the ambulance but was stopped. "Sir, we cannot let you in." The paramedic states as he pulls Kihyun, who is still passed out on the stretcher, closer to the ambulance. "He's my soulmate, let me go with you. He's my soulmate, don't stop me, please." I begged as I showed the paramedic my wrist with Kihyun's name on it. He sighed then nodded, motioning for me to sit on a bench inside the ambulance. I quickly took a seat and grabbed one of Kihyun's cold hands. I looked away as a paramedic attached an IV to Kihyun's inner arm. "Can you tell us why he passed out?" Another paramedic asked as she checked Kihyun's vitals. Her eyes widened seeing a lower pulse. "I think he got too stressed; the doctor had said for him to not do anything stressful or he could pass out again." I replied as I lightly squeezed Kihyun's limp hand. She nodded her head then connected Kihyun to oxygen. "What's his name and age?" She asked as she worked. "Yoo Kihyun, he's seventeen." I muttered as I looked over Kihyun's slightly sunken in face. A tear slid down my cheek as I noticed just how much more think Kihyun had gotten. "Will he be okay?" I asked the pair of paramedics who were working on stabilizing Kihyun. "It's too soon to say anything for certain, but he may have memory loss if he wakes up." The female paramedic says after thinking for a bit. "If he wakes up? What do you mean if he wakes up?" I question as my eyes well with more scalding tears. "Kihyun is so young, he's under weight slightly, and this is the second time he's passed out from this one concussion. His brain may not be able to handle it." The male says as he looks at me with remorseful eyes. The fiery tears quickly raced down my cheeks. My head felt too heavy as it began to hang. Sobs wracked my body as the ambulance pulled into the emergency side of the hospital. The pair of paramedics quickly jumped out and pulled the stretcher out. They rolled Kihyun's unconscious form into the hospital as they exclaimed indecipherable comments to the nurses and doctors who ran to the stretcher. "Sir, you can't go any farther. Please, let go of the patient's hand." A doctor asked as he grabbed my hand that tightly held Kihyun's. My grip never faltered as I daringly looked the doctor in the eye. "Sir, if you do not let go I will result to using force." The doctor states. I didn't let go— I couldn't let go of Kihyun. The doctor exhaled loudly then pulled my hand away from Kihyun's. He then wheeled Kihyun away behind a par of doors as a few nurses followed behind. I fell to my knees on that hallway floor of the hospital emergency room. My silent tears changed into blind anger as o began to punch the floor with as much force as I could muster. Kihyun, I'm sorry. I think I love you..

chapter 31

Shownu's pov

After punching the floor repeatedly, and getting majority of my self anger out, I shakily stood up and walked to one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. A few minutes later, Wonho runs into the waiting room, tears also streaming down his cheeks. "How is he?" Wonho asks, his voice unstable from his tears and worry. I wiped a few tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand— which I just now noticed the knuckles had begun to bleed. "When I asked the paramedics they said they didn't know if he would wake up this time." I sobbed before continuing. "They said if he did wake up, it was likely he could have some amnesia. They said he would most likely forget some of the events that lead up to this second time." Wonho lifelessly fell into the chair beside me, he put his head in his hands. I leaned my head against the wall, my heart felt too heavy having to sit in the hospital again so soon. The scent of Clorox and other disinfectants burned my nostrils as I tried to calm my breathing. A nurse passed us by but quickly walked over to us. "Sir, what happened to your hands? They're bleeding!" She exclaimed as she took my aching hands into hers. "I punched the floor." I dryly laughed. All of the pain I felt had caused me to feel numb completely. The nurse calmly pulled me out of the waiting room into another room, she then began to clean the small cuts on my hands. She wrapped some clean gauze on my knuckles then secured it with tape. I quietly thanked her before walking back into the waiting room. I emotionlessly sat down in the chair and stared at a scratch on the wall. The paint surrounding the scratch seemed to be chipping off. After a long moment of silence passed, Wonho tapped my shoulder. "Shownu, what do we do if Kihyun doesn't wake up?" He timidly asked, not meeting my eyes. "Kihyun's will to survive is far too strong for him to pass like this. Knowing him, he would probably wake up just to put us back into line." I soullessly muttered as I anxiously gnawed on the already chewed up pull string of my hoodie. "He will pull through this." I tried to convince us both. "He's strong, Kihyun is a strong boy." With a sad smile, Wonho finally raised his gaze to meet my own. "Did you know Kihyun already got his soulmate mark? He has been eighteen for who knows how long, and he didn't tell either one of us about it. Yet he made absolute sure Minhyuk, the same guy who spewed hate after hate, had a happy birthday party." "Kihyun got his soulmate mark, his birthday passed, yet he told no one? Why wouldn't he tell us? Why wouldn't he tell me?" I asked in a hushed whisper. "Maybe he didn't know how? Maybe he didn't want to? Only he would know." Wonho replied then rubbed his puffy eyes. He can tell me anything, he has told me so many dark things he hides, but he can't tell me his mark showed up? I thought Kihyun trusted me a bit more...

chapter 32

Trigger warning: suicide. It's not graphic, just a news headline. Wonho's pov

I looked at Shownu and dryly laughed. "This time it's all my fault, huh?" "What do you mean, Wonho?" Shownu asked as he put away his phone. "I caused Kihyun to stress out so badly by kissing him and pressuring him. I didn't think this would happen, I swear, Shownu. I just thought, maybe, he would realized you weren't right for him. I didn't mean for this to happen." I mumbled. I couldn't cry anymore tears, they just wouldn't fall. "Wait, you actually did kiss Kihyun? And you stressed him out so bad he crawled in my bed and passed out? Just how stupid are you?" Shownu growled, his face rigid with anger. Shownu's anger had far surpassed being scalding hot; instead it would freeze hell over if given the chance. I'm surprised I didn't turn to ice from his freezing glare. "Apparently I'm very stupid. I love him, too, Shownu. I didn't mean for this to happen." I lowered my guilt-filled head in shame. "What do you mean you love him too? What about your own soulmate?" Shownu inquired, his cold gaze still didn't falter. "For your first question, it's exactly as I said. I am in love with Kihyun as well, but he seems too stuck on you." I muttered. I gave a fake smile and looked him in the eye. "For your second question, I never got to meet him. The same day his name appeared on my thigh, it was crossed. I tried to find his family, to find what had happened, and I really wish I didn't."

I woke excited up one morning, that day was my birthday. The most special birthday of all, my eighteenth birthday— the day when I find out who my other half is. I couldn't wait to see the name on my wrist or thigh, my parents were just as excited as I was. I first looked at my wrist— nothing. 'That's okay, it should be on my thigh!' I thought to myself. I stood up from my warm bed and anxiously walked into the bathroom. I pulled my shorts off of my legs and pulled together the courage to look at the name written on my thigh. 'Im Changkyun.' I read from my thigh. I didn't really mind that my soulmate was a guy, only that he would be perfect for me. I immediately began searching around for his name on any social media I could, eventually I had found the right Changkyun. I remembered I went to school with a Changkyun, but I didn't know he would be my soulmate. I never would have guessed the shy boy who wore all black would be my other half. But the minute I found the right one, I noticed the news headline at the top. "Seventeen year old Im Changkyun found deceased in his bedroom, an apparent suicide." My heart dropped as I looked down at my thigh. I had found the right Changkyun, only to lose him before I could properly meet him. I hadn't even realized His name was crossed out on my thigh.

chapter 33

Shownu's pov

"Wonho, I'm—" "Save it, Shownu. It's been three years, I should be okay by now. I should be at peace by now, but here I am, going after your soulmate. This isn't fair to you, I should be the one apologizing here." Wonho cut me off. "No it's both of you who should be apologizing." Minhyuk exclaims as he and Jooheon sit in other plastic hospital chairs. "Neither of you thought to tell the others when you rushed out of the dorm to the hospital. Neither of you stopped to tell the rest of us, who all, newsflash, care about Kihyun. I get that it was hectic, but we shouldn't have had to find out on our own one of you three was hurt because of the ambulance sirens." Minhyuk verbally exploded. Wonho and I both lowered our heads like scolded children. "So, what happened to Kihyun? Why are we back in the hospital a whole,three days later?" Minhyuk demanded. "I may have kissed Kihyun and made him too stressed." Wonho mumbled. "Wonho, there is no 'may have,' you either did it or you didn't." Minhyuk spoke. "I'm not proud of it, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen, I just thought he might like me back." Wonho replied sadly, his eyes grew misty. "Wonho, nothing against you buddy, but why would Kihyun like you back when he has Shownu? His soulmate?" Jooheon tried to reason. "Well, Shownu had caused so much pain to Kihyun I thought he might've fallen for me. I was always there for him after he fell apart each time. I thought it was possible." Wonho states, feeling crestfallen. "Wonho, I never hurt him knowingly—" "Oh so your body just randomly spasmed and make Kihyun fall off the bunk and get the concussion in the first place?" Wonho cut me off again, fire hot anger blazing in his eyes. "That's not all my fault, Wonho! It was you two who were so close in the first place! Anyone else would have thought the same!" I exclaimed. "Yes they would have but most would have had the intellect to ask first before reacting! You didn't have to act so carelessly and hurt him!" Wonho yelled. "Alright you two, shut up! We are in public, stop fighting!" Minhyuk interjected and covered both of our mouths. "Ack, Wonho stop it, you aren't five, stop licking my palm! Anyways, when I remove my hands, I don't want to hear a single word. Do you both understand that? Not a single word." Minhyuk droned. Wonho and I nodded our heads in acknowledgment. Minhyuk slowly removed his hands and slumped back in his chair. He grimaced and wiped his spit covered left palm on his pants leg, muttering "I swear you act like a kid sometimes." Minhyuk yawned and put his head on Jooheon's shoulder. Jooheon smiled and wrapped his arm around Minhyuk. Wonho and I both looked at the pair in yearning, just wishing to do the same with our soulmates. Please pull through, Ki. Please hold on...

chapter 34// end

Shownu's pov

"Family of Yoo Kihyun?" A Doctor finally asked as he walked into the waiting room. "That's us! What's wrong with Kihyun?" I exclaimed, worry lacing my voice. I quickly stood up and faced the doctor, Doctor Lee. "I am sorry to inform you that Yoo Kihyun has yet to wake up. As of now, Kihyun has a high probability to wake up within the next two days." Doctor Lee states as he holds his clipboard close to his chest. "Will he have any amnesia or memory loss?" Wonho asked as he bit his nails. "While it is possible, we cannot—" Doctor Lee was cut off by a frantic nurse running into the waiting room. "Doctor Lee, come quickly! Yoo Kihyun is failing!" She exclaimed before running back out of the room. Doctor Lee and the four of us quickly chased her. "Wonho if he dies, I will never forgive you." Shownu growled, though tears welled up in his eyes once again. The four of us start weeping as we follow the medical pair. We eventually make it to Kihyun's intensive care unit room and we run into the blindingly white room. "We're losing him!" The same nurse yelled. "Nurse! Grab the defibrillator, clear out the room!" Doctor Lee barked as he ran towards Kihyun's bed. "You're going to have to leave." Another nurse claims as she pushes us out of the room. "I'm his soulmate, let me stay, please!" I begged as I showed her my wrist. She hesitated for a minute before sighing. "I could get in so much trouble for this. Stay out of the way and you can stay." She quickly replied as we run back into the room. "Ki, please make it, please don't leave me." I whispered as I looked at Kihyun, my shaking right hand touches the soulmate ink on my left arm. "We're losing him!" The nurse yells again. God, if you can hear me, please let him live. Don't take him away from me, he's only eighteen! I prayed as I watched the three shock Kihyun. "Increase the voltage by twenty volts!" Doctor Lee yelled before grabbing the defibrillator pads. "Clear!" He shouts. "Let's go again— clear!" No response from Kihyun came. "Again! Increase the voltage to one hundred sixty!" The only sound ringing through the otherwise silent room was a lengthy beep. "We have to call it. Time of death, 1:32 Am, Tuesday, August fourteenth, two thousand fifteen." Doctor Lee sighed. The three of them began crying as the realization kicked in— they had lost such a young patient it ached within their hearts. "Is he okay?" I whispered. The three look at me remorsefully but do not reply. "He's alive, this is just a joke, right? He set you up to get me back?" I walked closer to Kihyun's body. I grabbed a pale, cold hand within my own and brought it to my lips. "It isn't funny, Ki. Stop joking!" I exclaim, tears racing down my cheeks. I finally looked down to my wrist for the final confirmation. The name that gave me so much strength— Yoo Kihyun— was Crossed.

Thank you all for reading my book and rating it so well. This book has been my child for the past almost four months, and I'm sad to say this is the ending of my story. There will not be a sequel, this is it.

Ended: September 7,2019 P.s: check out my other books if you want to :)

#fanfic #showki #kpop #monstax #monsta x #shownu #kihyun

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