masked-buffoon

[masked-buffoon]

Thanks for tagging me @boredotaku567 and @banunuisthebest!

Here's mine!

Tagging: @agathokakological-writer and @v-e-l-l-i-c-h-o-r

I FOUND A CUTE PICREW

Link

I’m tagging @thatrandom-bitch​ and @robynmushroom​

[masked-buffoon]

Thanks for tagging me @ckjbun-but-more-trash and @boredotaku567!

Here's my Tumblr prom outfit XD

Tagging: @agathokakological-writer and @v-e-l-l-i-c-h-o-r

Tumblr Prom 2021

in honour of today’s Tumblr Prom 2021, here’s my picrew outfit <33

@verose-queen-of-hell​ @thetoddanderson​ @coffeelovinggayidiot​ @erniediangelo​ @user-with-a-name​ @omglord1​ @limp-wrist​ @do-gay-dont-be-crime​ @moobrvoobl-moobmoob-oobmpoobroom​ @bisexual-apocalypse​ @rosadiaz-givesme-bipanic​ @petrichornmoreee​ @whythefuckdoiexist​ @palindrome-k​ @13-taylor-swift​

[masked-buffoon]

Hello everyone! I'm not dead...! However, I had to leave unexpectedly my social networks to focus entirely on my exams.

It's been a difficult period, and I've barely been there despite trying to, but I'm so happy I I finally say I'm back...! Although I do say that a lot, I admit it...

I'll try to write the next chapter of "Seeking" now, and resume the reblog of the older ones...!

Thank you for being patient, and thank you for still being there despite the fact I was there so little...!

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 6)

Warnings: mention of drugs

Author notes: debate about how I depicted Yōko’s condition in the 4th part is opened! More seriously, this is one long part, but I hope you’ll like it. To be honest, that part was the one which made me so nervous about the chapter… Don’t hesitate to give me your opinion! Also, I realised I liked reblogs too! ^^

It was night when I woke up. The first thing I noticed in the darkness was the thing pressed onto my face. An oxygen mask. It was not there before. Had my body tried to give up on me again? After all, I was not supposed to be alive… And Lord was I thirsty. The tips of my fingers moved and I looked for the pager to call the nurse, who fortunately was never far from the infirmary. She turned on a small light and came to the side of my bed. I pointed to the breathing machine.

“Your oxygen saturation suddenly dropped while you were sleeping… Your body still needs to recover from the overdose, after all… Not to mention that nasty pneumonia… Hopefully, you are fine.” She explained.

“I…” My voice was husky, but I could talk “What…?”

Morphine overdose…? Pneumonia…? What about my ability…?

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 5)

Warnings: mention of death

Author notes: quite the short part, the next one will be much longer!

I was floating in the darkness, just like a newborn in his mother’s womb. The pain had disappeared completely, as well as my ability to read people’s thoughts; or was it there was no one around there? I focused, and tried to move my body, but I soon noticed there was no body to move. I was an entity, not a material being, in this space made of emptiness. I did not need to breathe nor eat. I did not need to feel, to see, to hear. Mostly, I did not need to sleep, and this would not kill me, for I was surely already dead. Then, how could I be conscious, if my brain had stopped working? Could it be that it was only a coma? A forever coma would not be all too bad, if it was this relaxing. I roamed around. There was no notion of time in there, I did not know if it had been hours or seconds… I suddenly felt the need to talk, but there was no mouth to move nor vocal chords to pull. The silence was a tad… Overwhelming. And it was cold. I had always grown surrounded by buzzing thoughts, it was complicated for me to get used to hearing nothing, not even my heartbeat. Did I truly want to die…? Or did I just want to leave my pain away, with no other way but death to be freed from my ability? Was there no other choice than giving up the life I had been fighting for, all this time…?

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 4)

Warnings: use of drugs

Author notes: I did my best to depict her condition but I am not sure it is accurate… Not going to spoil though so we’ll debate that in the 6th part!

I kept the four syringes of morphine for the next morning, enduring the pain all night long without a single moment of rest. There was no point denying it; I was dying. How many days had I left? One? Two? I doubted I would see the end of the week. I was not afraid; death would bring me the peaceful silence I had always craved for, and I would finally close my eyes and lose consciousness, forever, without ever hearing people’s thoughts again. I just hoped there was no afterlife, so I could enjoy the quietness for eternity, comfortably nested in endless darkness. How would Dazai-san react, then? How would he feel, when his weakest subordinate would achieve his own dream, leaving this rotten world once and for all? Would he feel jealous? How I wanted to quit life with a last insolent smirk directed to him.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 3)

Warnings: violence, mention of drugs

Author notes: the same warnings apply, as usual. Hope you’ll enjoy!

The clothes I wore were enough to hide the hideous sack of bones my body was; my ribs showed under my thin skin, and my limbs lacked in grease. Nevertheless, I had not felt uncomfortable because of my appearance, a few minutes ago. My superior had not had a single reaction upon seeing a very naked Apollonia on the floor, only one or two weeks earlier, thus I doubted there was anything about me which could trigger his masculine primal instincts. The thing I was most terrified of, when I had seen him, was his reaction upon noticing the morphine. I had not heard him enter, meaning he had come while I was taking a shower and implying he had seen me injecting the product in my vessel. Now, I had to face his anger. The use of drugs was prohibited in the rules Dazai-san had established as an executive, and it had been more than a month that I had broken the said rule. I had lied to him and disobeyed the orders; I had to expect the proper punishment. But once again, I could not understand his thoughts. Why was he there, caring about me as he had explained? Which trap had he set around me? I took a deep breath and came out of the bathroom.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 2)

Warnings: addiction, use of drugs and alcohol

Author notes: don’t do this at home. Seriously. Using morphine with alcohol is prohibited! PROHIBITED.

I laid on my bed, staring at the dirty ceiling above me. Each slight movement my limbs made caused the metal to crack sinisterly, and the thin blanket was barely enough to keep me warm. The pitiful room I lived in would never grant me any rest, I feared so… I had never moved, for I spent most of my time in the headquarters or on a mission in Yokohama; having a comfortable place to call home would be a waste of money.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 6)

Warnings: mentions of murder and abuse

Author notes: here is the final part of the chapter! I hoped you liked it, and I’ll see you in the next one! In the meantime, the older chapters are being reblogged, so feel free to read them again if you wish! ^^

The large reception hall was filled with the richest and most influential people of both Tokyo and Yokohama, that night. Why, the party given that night was pretty exceptional, and only the privileged one had been invited. There was nothing to celebrate, but these wealthy people thought it was normal to spend money in a luxurious buffet, clothes they would probably wear once in their life, and alcohol they could not even enjoy. I was certain most of them were unable to differentiate between an average bottle of champagne and the best one, but I was not there to judge. Enveloped in a traditional furisode decorated with butterflies, I observed the hall without much interest. I had gone to the party on behalf of Fukuzawa-san, who, as an important member of the famous Agency, had been invited. Thankfully, he had agreed to give me his invitation for the sake of the investigation, saying he was about to refuse anyway. I brought a glass of alcohol to my lips, and sighed. It was boring.

"Is the target suspicious?"

"Not for the moment." I answered "Apart from that…"

I glanced at Dazai.

"You're late."

"Finding a tuxedo proved harder than expected. I'm rather tall, you see~"

"That's because you got ready at the last minute." I remarked.

"You're right~ By the way, Ogawa, I have to say that kimono suits you pretty well. You look great." He complimented.

"You think so…? Thank you…" I cracked a smile "The shop chose it for me…"

But the moment I looked up, he was already gone to chat with another woman. Empty words, as always… I should have been used to that, but it felt painful, somehow. Could he not be sincere, from time to time…? Mostly since I had put a lot of thought in that outfit… It did not matter anyway. The sole man I had to be focused on was Ishida Jiro, a guest in this fancy event. He should soon receive an urgent message and take the bait… If everything went according to the plan, he would easily fall into our trap… A man walked towards him and whispered a few words in his ears, which apparently were enough to make his face become pale. I chuckled and put my glass on a table, before following him out of the hall, on a secluded balcony. No one would be able to disturb our talk, there.

"Suda…!" He turned around upon hearing me approach "You bastard…! How dare you threaten me…?!"

"I'm not Suda-san." I told him and closed the door behind me "He is currently in a hospital in Tokyo, he is not here. But I'm the one who sent the message."

"Why…? Who are you…?! How did you know…?!"

"My name is Ogawa Yōko, I'm a detective from the Armed Detective Agency of Yokohama." I introduced myself "And I was hired to find the one after my client's life."

"Hah!" He snorted "And which proof do you have that it is me…? Do you even know who I am…? A mere woman like you can't do a thing against me…!"

"What about you? Do you know who I am?" I tilted my head slightly "Who said I am a "mere woman"? I am an Ogawa, after all, do you think you can harm me in any way?"

I hated using my family name for such worthless matters, but since he had attacked me with his pitiful excuse of an influence first, I had no choice but to retaliate…

"Even so… You have no proof I killed Suda, do you…? He's not even dead in the first place…!"

"His boss is. And you used your deaf-mute henchman as a scapegoat… That's pathetic." I smirked "You sent an assassin thinking you would kill Suda-san… And you ended up killing an innocent man… What a terrible mistake you have committed, Ishida-san. And now, you're cornered, and I know the truth. Why don't you turn yourself in?"

"Why would I…? You have no evidence against me…! Only hypothesis you found on your own…!" He protested.

"Ah… It's true…" I hummed "I have no evidence… What did Suda-san do to you, anyway?"

"That lowly peasant dared seducing my daughter! They don't belong to the same world, and he had the audacity to even look at her…? You should know what I'm talking about…! I couldn't let a beggar like him near her…!"

"... You're disgusting…" I grimaced, before sighing "But I believe that's enough for tonight…"

The fool… He had been too focused on me to even notice what was going on around him. Because of that lack of attention, he would not be able to leave that place unscathed.

"Don't bother me if you have nothing against me." He hissed, bumping into me as he went back inside.

I stared at him, and followed him after a minute. If our plan had worked… Then the only expression left on that man's face would be despair. And, indeed, the moment he entered the hall, murmurs and whispers about him erupted, as his so-called friends started talking behind his back.

"Murderer…!" One of them had the courage to shout at him.

Soon enough, he was alone in the middle of criticism and judgemental glances, which were worse to him than a trial. He had been publicly humiliated.

"What did you do…?!" He yelled at me, grabbing my shoulders harshly.

"Me? Nothing. You were the main actor of the show~" I chuckled, and showed him the speakers in the room "Your performance was quite appreciated by the guests, thank you for entertaining us~"

"What…? Wait…"

Policemen entered to take him away. We had called them in advance so they could hear Ishida-san's words as well, and they had been in another room from the start of that party.

"You're a detective…! You aren't supposed to frame me…! That's illegal…!" He shouted.

"I only transmitted your words to the police. The fact that the people gathered here could hear as well… That's unfortunate…~" I smiled.

Before he could leave, I leaned towards his ear.

"How does it feel to have your life destroyed in a few minutes…~?"

The look on his face was priceless, and I felt paid only by getting to see it. One of those rotten wealthy people had fallen so low… That case should serve as an example for all the representatives of Japan's high society here. At least they had been warned that the Armed Detective Agency would not leave them alone, were they to overlook the law because of their status.

"Dazai…!" I called my friend.

He left a group of young women behind to pay attention to me.

"What is it, Ogawa~?"

"We're leaving." I hid my face with my fan, annoyed.

"Already~? I was enjoying the evening~" He winked towards the group.

"Were you now?" I scoffed "Then stay. I'll go back by myself."

"Wait." He grabbed my wrist "Why do you sound so upset?"

"I'm not…" I grumbled, looking away.

"You are, you know there is no point hiding this from me. Let's see…~ Is it because I don't spend time with you~?"

"You wish…!" I pulled away from him "I just feel… Dissatisfied with the whole case, that's all. Ishida-san was arrested, his life was destroyed, but I feel… Empty. I'm not happy we solved this…"

"Too many things happened during our trip to Hokkaido, that's why." He supposed "I'll go with you, so —"

"Ogawa-san." A waiter came towards me "A masked man wishes to talk to you."

"... Sure…" I was taken aback "See you, Dazai. I'll directly head home afterwards."

"See you tomorrow at the Agency." He smiled and waved at me.

The waiter guided me to a drawing room made for the guests to rest far from the chatter of the crowd. There, indeed, someone was waiting for me, a fox mask on his face. Obviously, I immediately recognised my informer and demanded us to be left alone. I sat in front of him.

"The culprit was arrested." I simply told him.

"Thank you, Ogawa." He nodded, then removed his mask "I'm very grateful that you took down that piece of trash…"

"You're welcome. It was my pleasure as a detective." I assured him "But did you come all the way only to thank me?"

"Yes, really." He said, wholeheartedly "My friend is safe thanks to you… That's enough for me."

"Then it is enough for me as well."

"Really…? Don't I have to pay the Agency…?"

"Well, I only investigated because I owed you in the first place. Now, we're even." I reminded him.

"Even so… The Agency was deprived of a detective for a few days, I should at least compensate with money, shouldn't I?"

"Whereas it is true that Kunikida would be too glad to receive payment for our work, I don't think it is necessary to "pay" us. Fox, you're an important informer for us… That's the least we could do for you." I smiled.

"Thank you…" He looked down "You're really kind…"

"I'm not… I'm just trying to be fair… But I am not a kind person. Far from that."

"Otherwise, it wouldn't have been so pleasurable for you to make him fall, something like this?" He grinned.

"Something like this…" I snickered "Thank you for everything, Fox. You always help us out, and it was a pleasure to return the favour. Now, I'll have to excuse myself… I'm rather tired, so I'll go back…"

"I'll come with you. I have no business left here, anyway." He put his mask back on "Besides, I don't get to escort a pretty lady everyday~"

I rolled my eyes, and refused the hand he was holding out to me. When he was not working for a client, the Fox would usually spend his time in pubs and bars, surrounded by women. I had actually forgotten that fact, since we had worked together for a few months.

"Don't be bothering."

"Did I do something wrong? Let me apologise, then, Ogawa." He rubbed the back of his head.

"It's alright, but as I said, I'm tired."

Anyone would love to be complimented… Yet, that night, it felt more bothering to me than agreeable. Beautiful…? Me? Men could be so hypocritical, even the friends close to me. I despised behaviours hiding any ulterior motive… Or even empty words destined to please me. What was the point, anyway? Human beings were weird creatures for making dishonesty a custom, whereas the truth, although it was oftentimes more painful than a sweet lie, would always triumph, at the end of the day. That was why I would never forgive myself for lying to Ruriko-chan. I had gone against my beliefs, and had failed to bring her back to my side. If only I had not taken the easiest path offered to me… Why, it was pointless to torment myself further, but, somehow, regrets still made me suffocate, from time to time…

"Ogawa…"

"... What are you doing here, Dazai?"

He was waiting for me in front of the door, back leaned on the wall and eyes indicating he had been lost in thoughts before my arrival.

"Waiting for you, obviously. I have to apologise for earlier. My insincere comment made you uncomfortable."

"Hoh…~ Why are you being so formal, all of a sudden?" I chuckled "You've never addressed anyone politely before."

"Because, my lady, I have offended you and want to make up for it by telling you the truth, and only the truth." He grinned, taking my right hand into his.

"Which truth, mister liar…~?"

"Why, only I know that you are so scrawny under your clothes, that only a kimono composed of several layers could hide your flawed body…~ That's why it suits you better than a cocktail dress~" He laughed at me.

"You're stupid…" I had a hard time holding back my laugh "But I have to admit, I do prefer that…!"

"I know…~ You're not like these superficial girls, after all…~"

"That you even thought for a second that a compliment would please me is disappointing~" I hummed.

"The truth, and only the truth…"

He sighed.

"I'm sorry again, for Ruriko-chan. I just wanted the two of you to be reunited, but, as I said, I miscalculated."

"It's alright. That's because Ruriko-chan is also different from your average teenager…~"

"You're a weird family." Dazai remarked, amused.

"Aren't we~?"

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 4: To exist (Part 1)

Warnings: violence, mentions of drug, addiction

Author notes: I received a punch from someone and decided to hit myself to go back to chapter 4… Here is the result, and I will not shy away! I hope you’ll like it! If not, feedbacks are pretty much welcome!

Notes 2: I this chapter, everything you MUST NOT DO is depicted. I’ll say more in future parts.

I was born on March 30th, which was supposed to be the happiest day of my parents. However, my father was not interested in a useless, weak and sick ability user who could not control her power, and my mother… She was indifferent. As long as I could remember, I had been sequestered in my room, with no company but the butler and my books. My days were morose, and March 30th was never different. I did not exist, my birth had been forgotten by my parents. So, I had never celebrated my birthday. Thus, ever since I had known about my birthdate, I had sung to myself the “Happy birthday” song, a way to cope with the lack of festivities. I had stopped this childish custom on my sixteenth birthday, which I had spent wandering in the shallows of Yokohama.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 5)

Warnings: mentions of murder

Author notes: in comparison to the previous one, this part is so short...

The next day, I woke up well-rested despite the troubles I had previously faced. No weird dream had invaded my sleep and, thanks to the warm water of the hot springs, my sore muscles had been relaxed. Moreover, the Fox had sent me files about his friend, Suda-san, early in the morning, which would allow us to move on with the case. I had also decided to let Ruriko-chan go her own way in life and to forget her, since I did not belong in her world anymore. It was no use being bothered by this matter… I could only wish for her to be happy with her family, her friends, and her music.

I asked for breakfast to be served in my room and installed my laptop to start working on the case. I was a detective of the Armed Agency of Yokohama. Investigating was my priority, and I could not let myself be swayed by personal issues. I opened the mail sent by my informer and started reading. Suda-san used to be a model student. Top of his class throughout his three years of high school, he managed to enter a prestigious university in Tokyo and graduated in sciences, most particularly in biology. Although he was young, he easily found a job in an enterprise, well-known for its breakthrough in biotechnologies and GMOs. There, his knowledge and intelligence allowed him to develop a new and resistant seed which could even grow in the harshest temperatures of winter in Hokkaido. His career was flawless, so why would he be targeted, and by whom?

I left my computer to thank the owner for the meal, then came back to the file, a bowl of rice in my hands. If the issue was not related to his job, then it was more likely personal. Usually, the Fox would comment about the people I was investigating, criticising them and sometimes calling them stupid for putting themselves into such obvious troubles. This time, he had not left a single word, which confirmed my doubts. Who had Suda-san been in contact with, these last few months? The answer came quickly, and I let out a tired sigh. He was in a relationship with the daughter of the director of an important business company. The same company which had sponsored the seed project in Hokkaido… Apart from that, there was nothing suspicious about Suda-san's personal story either.

"Ogawa~"

Dazai opened my door without announcing his presence.

"What is it?"

"Do you remember the mute henchman whose innocence you proved last week?" He showed me his phone "The case is finally appearing in the news…!"

"Is there my name on it?" I chuckled.

"No, it's said the police did a remarkable job to raise suspicion on the man… How ungrateful~"

"Ungrateful indeed… Is his boss arrested?"

"Unfortunately, he claims he is innocent. That's his words against his employee's… And in that kind of battle, you know who's going to win…" He shrugged it off.

"Mmh… I at least hope that this poor man will be released…"

"But there is no doubt his boss is the real brain behind all of this… Who would assassinate his partner in business, though?"

"Greedy men." I huffed "You don't know what money can do to us, humans…"

"But it makes no sense, since the victim's work was supposed to make him gain even more money…"

"You mean, that man sponsored the victim…?" I raised an eyebrow.

Dazai smirked.

"Exactly~"

"What's the culprit's name…?"

"Ishida Jiro, the director of FuturEco. The sponsor of Suda-san's laboratory." His look darkened.

"So… This was all connected…" I muttered "I can't believe it…"

"The issue now is proving it. What are we supposed to do?"

"Suda-san is still recovering and has been put into an artificial coma…" I nervously tapped a finger against the table "And our deaf-mute man is in Yokohama, surrounded by policemen. We have no way to find evidence against him…"

"Unless we go back to Yokohama and investigate him directly." My friend suggested.

"That's an option, too. Once we make sure Suda-san is safe, let's leave Hokkaido once and for all." I nodded.

"What about asking for him to be transferred? We'll be able to keep an eye on him, this way."

"We shall do that. It's the safest option for him. I'll call Kunikida right away to tell him about this."

"And… About your sister —"

"I have no sister." I cut him "She died too, that day. And I never stole the medication from the Mafia's pharmacy."

"Alright, Ogawa. I understand… So you'll never come back here?"

"I'll try not to. Unless there is an important case, I have nothing to do here, in Hokkaido." I smiled "I'll pack, so you can put your things in the suitcase, too."

"Sure… Take your time."

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 3.5: No Moral nor Decency (Part 8)

Warnings: torture, violence

Author notes: aaaand, this is the end of this short story! I hope you liked it, I remember I had so much fun writing it! See you in the next chapter!

Notes 2: there is a little something at the end of the chapter! I hope you’ll like it!

The chains of my handcuffs clinked sinisterly in the dark room as I moved, uncomfortable. Earlier that day, we had, according to the plan, used Apollonia as a bait to lure the Cosola family in a trap. We had ambushed them in an abandoned warehouse, to shoot them and eliminate them. However, I had led the operation and had been recognised by Gustavo, who had come himself, and I had been captured. I had been unable to do anything against his large hands choking me against the wall… When I had recovered from the dizziness, I had already been tied in a dark room, most certainly a basement. I was currently waiting for someone to come and interrogate me.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 4)

Warnings: mentions of drug addiction

Author notes: quite a long part... I have to admit, I did not pay attention to its length ^^” I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

It was impossible for us to question the victim. As soon as he had set a foot in the nearest hospital, he had collapsed and had been immediately taken care of by the nurses. And he had not yet woken up… The white corridors smelled like medicine,but it was not unpleasant. Perhaps it was because I was used to the infirmary… My fingers clutched around my box of pills. I could not show a single health care professional that I was an addict, unless I wanted to be brought to the psychiatric unit… However, that stressful situation did not help with my withdrawal, and I was starting to grow uncomfortable. I sighed, and covered my hand to hide the fact it was trembling. Soon enough, Dazai reached me. He was coming back from the doctor's office, and his serious face did not reassure me the least.

"His condition is bad, isn't it…?" I frowned.

"Yep. He isn't going to wake up anytime soon." He stood next to me "We should find another lead."

"... I'm tired, already…" I groaned.

"Don't, the case has just started."

He took my trembling hand into his, and pulled me up suddenly. Then, he brought me towards his chest and used his taller body to hide me from anyone's eyes. I looked up at him, ready to question him, but he was quicker and grabbed the box in my pocket.

"Take that opportunity. Hurry."

"But people —"

"Who cares about what people believe? No one knows us here, anyway…"

He had rarely been that firm since my entrance in the Armed Detective Agency. Quietly, I nodded, before shoving up to three pills on my mouth and swallowing. It was burdensome to be an addict… I was glad that this pitiful life would stop soon. Soon… I closed my eyes a moment, before glancing up at him. He had not budged and, from an outsider's point of view, that scene must have looked like a hug… But to me, who had just drugged myself, it was just a convenient hideout… Gently, I cracked a smile and put a hand on his chest to push him away. Slightly…

"It's alright, now… We can go…"

"Really? Good~" He regained his usual playful smile.

"Should we head to the police station?" I suggested.

"That's not a bad idea." He pulled away from me.

"... Your hand…"

"Ah. My bad."

He had casually left it on my shoulder.

"Dazai… I'm fine, really. Besides, you've seen me take morphine countless times, already." I assured him.

"I have, yet that doesn't mean I am used to it. Every single time…"

"It's almost over. Don't worry… I'll never end up in such a state again…"

"Did you read my mind? That's surprising…~"

"I couldn't possibly… Not that I wouldn't want to…" I looked away.

"Mine will remain a mystery for you~"

"If I can't use my ability to understand it, I'll just strive to know you better…" I muttered.

"... You're right…"

I looked at him softly, and tugged on his sleeve to get him moving.

"We have some work to do. The case won't solve itself."

He chuckled, and we both headed out of the hospital. In front of our colleagues in the Agency, Dazai always behaved strangely, constantly acting like a buffoon, making a joke of himself. I had secretly resented him for putting on such a mask, and it hurt even more to know that everything was a lie. However, at the moment, there were only the two of us, and there was no need for him to keep playing the tragic story of the sad clown who was never allowed a single tear. In front of me, weakness was allowed, and I hoped he was aware that I would never judge him nor take advantage of him… Somehow, I felt special. I was the only one alive who got to see the sadness hidden beneath his mask… That in itself was exceptional enough, coming from Dazai, and it brought me back to our days in the Port Mafia. Thinking about it, he had been less secretive than he was these days, more willing to show his emotions, perhaps… I wondered if that was because of his mistake, because he felt as though he owed me, because he had hurt me… I was most certainly putting too much thought into that, anyway.

The policemen we met told us that they had never assigned any guards for Suda Hiroshi — that was the name of our client. Immediately, they deployed troops to arrest the imposters, but when we arrived, they had already disappeared.

"That's a fishy story…"

The detective in charge of the case put his cigarette out in the ashtray, and sighed.

"We were aware of the many assassination attempts on Suda-san's life, but we had received words that he was already guarded… That's why we never made a move…"

"What do you know of his research?" I questioned him.

"Wasn't it something about oil…? I have to admit that, as a proud citizen of Sapporo, I wasn't too pleased to hear about it…"

"So false information was spread about him… Why would anyone want him to be hated, though…?" I thought out loud.

"Is there anyone who would benefit from Suda-san's fall?" Dazai asked.

"Not that I know of… The only prominent family around here is the Ogawa family. However, they've come here around twenty years ago to retire. I heard their granddaughter lives with them, too." He told us.

"So, they aren't involved in business anymore…"

"No, not at all…! The granddaughter goes to school with my own children. She's well-behaved and polite, really, a kind girl…! They won't create any troubles."

We exited the police station, without much more information. At the very least, I knew that my grandparents were not involved in the case, which relieved me, in a way. I would not have to come into Ruriko-chan's life to destroy it once again… On the other hand, I had no idea about the motive of the criminal. Why would they sequester the man and let him die a slow, painful death, while running his reputation in Hokkaido? If there was nothing worth Suda-san's downfall, then it was surely…

"A passionate crime. A revenge." Dazai completed my thoughts "That's the only thing I can think of."

"I agree with you. It's the only option left, anyway. I'll call the Fox to get his background checked."

"Such a troublesome case… It doesn't help that the victim is a friend of your friend… Will you tell him?"

"Tell him what? That his friend is wounded, in a hospital between life and death…?"

"Wouldn't you want to know, though? If I was in this state, wouldn't you want to be aware?"

"... You have a point…" I conceded "I'll tell him…"

The call was short. My informer was upset and regretted taking so long to inform me about the situation. Although he had not been in contact with Suda-san for years, he was still his friend, and, knowing how he cared about the people close to him, I could only imagine how terrible it felt for him to know the researcher was hurt. He promised to work on the case, but I could perceive how disheartened he sounded. I did not insist and simply hung up. It was not my fault, yet I felt guilty; the Fox had entrusted me with his friend's life, but I had not managed to save him in time.

"Let's go back to the inn." Dazai suggested, slowly guiding me towards a car.

"Mmh… I want to rest…" I muttered, shoving the phone in my pocket "I don't want to hear about that case anymore…"

"You know we'll be back on it tomorrow."

"... I want to quit…"

"Don't be nonsensical, you're simply tired. A long bath in the onsen will make you feel better."

"Maybe you're right… I hate personal cases. Being emotionally involved doesn't go well with me… I should have asked Kunikida to take care of it." I regretted my choice.

"But the Fox made that request to you, his friend. You couldn't have refused either way."

"So, I was trapped from the beginning… Ah… That's the last time I go to Hokkaido."

"So it isn't entirely about the case." He noted.

I stayed quiet, unable to answer. I had not told him about my dream, after… Would he understand? Would he brush it off and call it "weird"? Would he laugh at me…?

"I'm bothered… By my sister…" I murmured "I'm torn between the wish to see her and my reason telling me that it would destroy her even more…"

"I see…"

As I was wondering if that would be all and if he truly did not care about my issues, he leaned towards the driver and changed our route.

"Where are we going?" I frowned.

"It's a surprise~ Do you have your sunglasses?"

"... Sure…?" I took them from my handbag "Why?"

"Wear them when we arrive~"

I did not question him, used to his strange yet meaningful behaviour from time to time, and obeyed him. Although the sun was playing hide-and-seek behind the clouds, I hid my eyes behind the darker glasses and followed him out of the vehicle. After walking a few meters, we arrived in front of a school, and I immediately understood which trick he had played on me. I grabbed his arm, rather brutally.

"Dazai…! You know… You know I can't…!" I protested "Let's leave this instant…!"

"No." He easily removed my grip from him "You want to see her, don't you? Then, at least, look from afar and check for yourself that she's alright."

"... Isn't that stalking her…?"

"Was gathering information on her via the Fox more legal?" He retorted.

As though I were scared they would fall, I readjusted the sunglasses on my nose, and leaned my back on a wall, waiting for the bell to ring and for Ruriko-chan to come out. Would she have friends? Most certainly… How many? I wished for her to have a lot of them… Would she see me? But she would surely mistake me for a stranger… She would not mind my presence too much, since she would not know I was her sister… In fact, I was terrified to meet her, and feel her look full of disgust on me… I was afraid she would scream "murderer" in the street and attract the police… Yes… I was scared that she would destroy my own life, the normality I had gained through so many hardships. In the end, it was the selfish side of myself which was frightened by Ruriko-chan. Unconsciously, my hand brushed against Dazai's, hoping desperately that his ability could cancel my feelings as well, where I knew it was simply impossible. Even so… It gave me the courage I lacked to face my precious sister.

The bell rang — an unfamiliar melody I was hearing for the first time, since had never attended school — and it did not take long before a flow of students came out of the building to head towards the gate. However, I did not see Ruriko-chan. I waited, and waited. My friend did not leave my side, despite the minutes passing and the sun slowly going down behind the buildings. I was disappointed. After bracing myself so hardly, all of my efforts had been in vain… I did not feel ready to experience such an unpleasant time ever again.

"Some clubs end later." Dazai spoke, out of the blue "Let's wait a bit more…"

"Even so, if she comes out alone… She'll be more likely to see me…"

"But will she recognise you? To be honest, you've changed…"

"How? Except for my clothes, I'm still Ogawa Yōko. If it weren't for my sunglasses, do you think these eyes of mine will go unnoticed? Sometimes, I hate them…" I crossed my arms.

"You can be so childish, sometimes~" He teased, wrapping an arm around my shoulders "These eyes are a part of you, as recognisable as they are, and I, for one, like them."

"Y-You do…?" I stuttered, turning towards him "I… Well… Thank you…? I suppose…"

Many people had already complimented my mother's eyes, but never had they paid attention to mine. The fact that it was Dazai, above anything else… It was… Surprising, to say the least… And oddly pleasant. It was impossible for me to suppress the smile from my face after his unexpected words, and even the nervousness I had felt upon waiting for my sister had faded away. Instead, it had been replaced by a strange mixture of warmth and contentment. Was receiving kind words always this agreeable…?

"There she is." My friend broke my train of thoughts.

Time seemed to stop as my eyes fell on the young girl who was Ruriko-chan. Unmistakably, it was her. The uniform of her high school seemed to fit her perfectly, the pleated skirt gently flowed around her legs as she walked, and her face had gotten thinner, more delicate… She had grown into a fine lady, although she was not yet an adult. And her clear blue eyes… They did not have the lavender colour of our mother's, but their blue, alike precious lapis lazuli, shone even brighter under the sunlight. My heart panged painfully in my chest as I refrained myself from running towards her. I could not…

"So that's her… She's cute~"

I could not repress a glare.

"Don't you dare even get close to her." I warned him.

"I'm not into younger girls, don't worry~" He laughed at me.

"Whatever…" I mumbled.

"She does resemble you, though…" He remarked.

"... Does she…? Are you blind…? Look at her gentle, pale face…! She is just like a doll…! And her long, jet black hair… Mmh… She's so beautiful, you really should get a pair of glasses…"

"Oh, really…~?" He smirked at me "I don't think so… But anyway, since she looks so good, I'll just have a word of two with her~"

"Dazai…! I forbid you…!" I ran after him "Come back here…! You're doing this on purpose…!"

However, he was much faster than I was, and he quickly reached Ruriko-chan in front of the gate. There, he put on his brightest and most seductive smile, and bowed slightly in front of her.

"Hello miss~ I saw you from afar and couldn't resist greeting you, since you're such a beauty~"

Her face expressed disgust, and she took a step back.

"I'll report you, sir…" She threatened.

"I apologise on behalf of my coworker…!" I moved in between them "Don't mind him, he's always like that, but he doesn't mean any harm…"

"I see… Well, I suppose I'll let you go, then."

My sister looked me up and down.

"It's strange… I'm positive I never saw you around here, yet you seem familiar, somehow…"

"Is… Is that so…?" I cleared my throat "We're detectives from Yokohama. We're here on a case. This is Dazai Osamu, and I am Fuyuno Kasumi."

"Oh… You're here for Suda-san…? The man whose life is constantly threatened?" She realised.

How smart she was… Was she truly my sister?

"Indeed… We hope to solve it soon."

I noticed the case she was holding.

"You play an instrument?" I asked to change the subject.

"I do." She smiled "Since you're a detective, why don't you try guessing it?"

"Sure… May I hold it?"

She handed me the case, and I took a quick look at it. Then, within a few seconds, I had my answer.

"The violin." I stated confidently.

"That wasn't too hard, was it? That's the most common one after all." She shrugged.

"It could have been a trumpet. But I mainly looked at your hands, and most particularly your fingers. They are a violinist's." I grinned.

"... I see…"

"Is there a problem?" I inquired.

"No, just… For a moment… Your smile… There is someone whose smile I've never seen… I was just wondering… If it would look the same… But that's impossible, you're not her… And… She's possibly already dead…" Her face darkened.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to remind you of that person…"

"It's not your fault. She was very sick… Perhaps it was for the best, after all…"

I clenched my fists. If Ruriko-chan believed I was dead, then perhaps I should let her live thinking that way… Even if it did not seem like she resented me for my deeds.

"You seem to like her a lot." Dazai said softly, taking me aback.

"Yes! She was my precious older sister, after all… Although I once held a grudge against her… No, maybe everything is better this way, after all…" She whispered "Anyway, it was nice to meet you two. Good luck with your case…! I have to go back home, otherwise, my grandparents will be worried."

"Yes, it would be wiser to go back, indeed. Be safe on the way." I waved lightly.

As soon as her back was turned, I sighed slightly. Did she not  hate me for killing our parents…? Did she not want me in jail…? Or gone from this Earth…? Ruriko-chan truly had a gentle heart… She did not resemble me at all, her hands were pure, and produced beautiful music, unlike mine which only provoked screams of agony. We were different, and, despite the fact that I had gotten accustomed to living in a lighter word, it did not change the fact that I was tainted. I should not approach her anymore…

"Ogawa…!"

His sudden call, along with the screeching sound of a car's wheel on the concrete, made me act before my brain could even register what was occurring. I grabbed Ruriko-chan from behind, and pulled her out of the road before the vehicle could hit her. Her musician's hand did not let go of her precious instrument, even as we fell back on the sidewalk, which would have amused me if her life had not been in danger. Unable to help it, I wrapped my arms around her a moment, and kept her close to me, feeling my heart beat even faster at the thought of losing her so cruelly.

"How… How did you know my name…?" Her small and shocked voice reached my ears.

"That…" Dazai clicked his tongue, looking away.

He had made a mistake when calling me… Even so, I was grateful — the fraction of second gained when she stopped, hearing her name, had allowed me to save her.

"You must have misheard." I lied "Can you stand up?"

"Wait, Fuyuno…" My friend prevented me from moving "Your sunglasses…"

They had fallen from my face, and the car had crushed them, adding to my misfortune.

"Shit…" I cursed.

"Are you alright?" My sister turned towards me "I must be heavy…"

I immediately closed my eyes.

"Y-Yes… I… Just… I'm sensitive… To the sun, so… It's hard for me to see without my glasses…" I invented an illness.

She did not say a thing and, since I had deprived myself from my eyes, I could not see her face.

"You know… I'm not a detective, but… If you truly were sick, you would take better care of these glasses… You could have tied them, for example… And you should own a spare…"

She really was too smart… It was my defeat, and I had to face its consequences.

"You're right… I'm not sick… I was just… Hiding."

I opened my eyes, and glanced at the shock in her look, before helping her up. Then, I smiled — or smirked, it seemed like a weird way to lift the corners of my lips up.

"It's been a while, Ruriko-chan…"

"Ah… I see… It was one of your horrible tricks…" Tears fell onto her cheeks "You're the worst… The worst…! Even after everything I told Fuyuno Kasumi, even after losing your only way of hiding, you're still dishonest… Why are you always, always lying…?!"

"Ruriko-chan…"

"Don't touch me…! You're a liar…! I don't… I don't want to see you again…!"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… But… I thought you hated me… So, I… I just… I just wanted to know… How you were doing…"

"If you truly wanted to check on me, you would have come in person, instead of lying, as always… As expected…"

"But you said you didn't hate me —"

"I don't hate you, but I don't trust you either. Go away, now. Don't… Don't try to reach out to me anymore. My sister is dead to me."

I was not able to hold her back and, powerless, stared at her silhouette fading away in the remnants of the sunlight. Being alive, yet dead in another person's heart, felt like the ground had shattered beneath my feet.

"... It was a mistake…" I breathed out "A terrible one…"

"Ogawa, that was my fault… I should have given you more time… Or maybe I shouldn't have insisted in the first place…" Dazai sighed.

"Yes… It is your fault." I cried "Everything… It is your fault… If only I had waited more, I would never have hidden myself, had I been ready…! But you had to butt in and convince me otherwise… Why did I even follow your lead, in the first place…?! This is my business, my sister, yet you interfered again! You always do! And now… And now she… Whereas she didn't hate me…"

"Ogawa…"

"I'm dead to her…! Do you understand…?! I do not exist anymore…!! I stopped living in her mind…! She might as well have killed me, I would have suffered less… That's your fault…" I sobbed, falling to my knees "I've lost my sister… Ruriko-chan…! Ruriko-chan…!"

"... I'm sorry…" He crouched down to face me "I'm sorry that it turned out so badly…"

I reached for his collar, and pulled him towards me to bury my face in his coat, to hide my pitiful tears. Even when he had left, I had not cried this much. Why was this one loss so painful…? Was it because I had expected something…? What was the point of desiring and hoping, then, if these feelings only brought pain by crushing my heart…? What was the point of longing, if the person I wanted to see did not want me by her side…? I should have known and abandoned these useless emotions long ago, I should have learnt from my experience with Dazai, but I was as ignorant as I had been years ago.

"It's alright… Blame me all you want, if it alleviates your pain…" He murmured "I did miscalculate, this time…"

"... I'm sorry…" I sniffed, slowly calming down "I got carried away…"

"I said it's fine."

I looked up at him, but far from a face matching his comforting words, his expression was… Well, he was expressionless. Or perhaps annoyed. I had vexed him.

"There is something I've come to understand, with time…" I pulled away from him "Human feelings… Are kind of unpredictable. You can manipulate them, you can play with them, but at the end of the day, you'll always end up surprised… Besides, you made a mistake because you're not familiar with Ruriko-chan…"

"And what's your point?"

I grabbed his cheeks and forcefully pulled them up to force a smile on his face.

"A genius strategist can make mistakes. And, you're a human too. You have a brain, and emotions, not a chessboard which pieces you move thanks to calculations." I told him.

"I don't have enough ego to be angry about failure." He avoided my eyes "Rather…"

His fingers tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear, and he sighed again.

"Nothing… The night is falling, let's really go back now." He took my hand to help me up.

"Mmh… There is no use crying, anyway… What's done is done, and I can never go back. I'll just have to live without her." I wiped my tears away.

"... But you have me…"

"... Did you say something…?"

A car had passed right while he was talking, and I was afraid to have misheard. He cracked a smile.

"Nothing at all. I'm just excited to try the onsen, that's all~"

"True." I giggled "We do deserve some rest."

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 3.5: No Moral nor Decency (Part 7)

Warnings: rape, violence, murder (implied), torture (implied)

Author notes: some action for this part! Hope you like it!

When I opened my eyes, I was not sure what time it was. Through the windows, I could see the sun descending slowly and deduced it was the end of the afternoon. Had I slept the entire day? As I moved, I felt something heavy on my body and noticed Dazai-san’s coat was covering me, as though to keep me warm. I frowned slightly. It was so unlike him… What was he trying to do? I brought the coat closer to me, nonetheless, and let out a sigh. It was rare to see him act so gently… Almost as if he cared about me. It was not the first time he let me borrow his coat. When I had killed the Ogawa… He had thrown it onto me to protect me from the rain. Why could he not put on the act of a kind superior from time to time…? Even if it was pure hypocrisy, I would at least feel more inclined to obey him, and my loyalty would not be trialed all the time. Groggily, I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and remarked a note put on the couch, right next to me.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 3)

Warnings: mentions of abuse

Author notes: here is the third part of the chapter...! I hope you’ll like it!

That nightmare had managed to ruin my morning. Dreaming that I was my ability…? That was ridiculous. That power belonged to me, it did not have a will of its own. But, just as said, and as I had come to accept, it was a manifestation of my wish to hear my mother's voice, an uncontrollable impulse towards her which had destroyed my health. She had appeared so young, in that blood-coloured kimono… In fact, she had looked exactly the same as the photography I had taken from the Taikin mansion and which had never left me since. I supposed that was because I did not have another image of her… Whenever I tried to recall her smile, all I would get was a blurred face. I could not even see her eyes, which everyone said had the same colour as mine. I sighed. I most certainly had that kind of dream because of my hesitation in meeting Ruriko-chan. I both wanted to see her, yet feared her reaction and her look of disgust when she would notice me. No, it was better not to be her sister anymore…

"Eating your bowl of rice grain by grain is the slowest way I've ever seen you having breakfast~" Dazai teased.

Because of that odd night, I did not feel very hungry that morning, even if the scent of the food smelled very appetising. The tenant had done her best to prepare it for us… I could not be picky. Besides, it could be my sole meal of the day if we got top busy.

"You didn't eat much either…" I noticed "Well, that's unsurprising…"

"The day you make a miso soup, I'll consider having breakfast~"

I smirked.

"I'll learn as soon as we are back to Yokohama."

"I said I'll consider, I didn't promise anything~"

"I'll shove it down your throat."

"You're mean…~ Oh, did the client contact you?"

The look I gave him answered his question. That man… He had not sent a single message to meet us, despite being the one asking for help. I had had to call the Fox to search for the hotel he was residing in, although the informer had had a hard time finding him since that customer was restricted and protected by the police, already. It was frustrating… I did not want to help him, and he did not make me want to bodyguard him, anyway. He was most likely another pompous rich man who thought people were at his service. That had the power to get on my nerves…

"I suppose we'll simply have to go and meet him, then…"

"Sure thing… After all, we can't let him die… Can we…~?" I chuckled.

As expected, the hotel room where we would finally encounter the client was heavily guarded by the police. We barely managed to obtain the right to see the man, and even our detective license had been inspected to confirm it was not a forged one. When, finally, the door opened, we entered in a rather dark chamber. The curtains had been pulled, blocking the sunlight, and no lamp was working. I turned on the light, unable to see anything, and found the Fox's friend curled up in a corner, in between a wall and a dresser. His head was hidden in his arms, and his knees were brought to his chest. He looked harmless, and absolutely terrified. I got closer to him and crouched down.

"Hey, are you alright…?" I inquired.

He looked up at me, and my eyes widened, seeing how pale, restless and frightened he was. All of the negative feelings I had built while imagining a pretentious businessman faded away instantly, replaced by a growing anger. Who was responsible for the ruin of this man?

"You… Who are you…?"

His voice was hoarse, as though his throat was dry. A quick look around the room showed there was no trace of water, nor food.

"I am Ogawa Yōko, a friend of the Fox and an armed detective from Yokohama… I'm with my colleague, Dazai Osamu." I introduced ourselves "Who did that to you…?"

"I… I don't know…" He trembled "People… With a knife… I… Ugh…"

His hand clenched onto his abdomen, in pain, and I swiftly raised his shirt, only to see the messy bandage covered in blood wrapped around what looked like a rather deep cut.

"Why didn't they treat you…?"

"For my… Safety… Can't… Go out…"

"It's true that you're more likely to live if you starve and bleed to death…" I groaned "Dazai —"

He was busy looking through papers on the desk, most certainly the research on petrol the Fox had told me about.

"Look." He told me "That has nothing to do with oil…"

I frowned and grabbed a document from his hands.

"You're right…!" I realised "But why was our information wrong…?"

"I'm not sure…" He sighed "For the moment, we should take care of that poor man."

"How? And why does the police lock him up here…?"

"I think…"

He leaned towards my ear to whisper, so quietly I could barely hear him.

"They mustn't be from the police at all… I say, they are trained mercenaries…"

"That makes sense…" I agreed "I bet they also spread false information about him… Yet, whose purpose do they serve…? Who would benefit from the ruin of that scientist?"

"A rival, perhaps… Who in there could be threatened by his research?"

According to his work, the scientist studied a seed which could be cultivated in winter — an ideal crop for the cold soil of Hokkaido. In the event that his business flourished, then he could gain influence in the prefecture…

"Don't tell me… The Ogawa family…" I groaned.

Dazai held back a laugh.

"No, silly. I bet they just want to live peacefully after what happened years ago. I think we need to investigate further… But for the moment, let's focus on getting him treated." He suggested.

"You're right… I'm too biased towards them..."

When we came out of the room, the fake policemen obviously tried to stop us from taking the man away. Unfortunately for them, I had an unbeatable technique when it came to convincing underlings.

"It's an order from that person." I crossed my arms, looking down on them.

They flinched, and exchanged glances. That worked.

"... Really…? But you're detectives…!"

"So what? You know how influential that person is. Is it really that surprising that one or two detectives can be bribed by them?" I rolled my eyes, impatiently "Now, out of our way, henchmen."

"Y-Yes, of course… If that person said so…"

When, suddenly, the air entered my lungs as we went out of the hotel, I realised I had stopped breathing throughout our exchange with the guards. I felt relieved that we could make it out… Our next destination would be the hospital. The client, whose name we did not even know, needed urgent care. We would interrogate him once he would recover.

"May I ask you, where does that come from…?" Dazai raised an eyebrow.

"The "that person" technique?" I smirked "Well, back then, your name was not even needed to frighten people, so that's how we mentioned you… It does sound more… Threatening~"

"... I see…"

[masked-buffoon]

Index

Chapter 3.5: No Moral nor Decency (Part 6)

Warnings: none

Author notes: so much parts…! Although they are rather short… But finally, we are back to the Port Mafia!

The next morning, before anyone had even opened an eye, I checked that Vilfredo was dead. His pulse had stopped, as well as his breathing. It was fortunate that he had pushed Apollonia away. She would not wake up in the arms of a corpse, this way. I sighed in relief. Finally, that mission was over. The Cosola family was torn by conflicts, which would ensure us a solid win. I decided to gather my belongings to leave the place. Dazai-san had ordered me to come back as soon as it was over.

Keep reading

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 2)

Warnings: nonsense

Author notes: I promise I did not take any type of drug when I wrote this. That’s all. No, more seriously, I’m quite proud with how that part turned out XD you’ll see~

It was snowing heavily, outside, so much that we could not see anything farther than a metre away. The wind was blowing violently, making the snowflakes dance a mortal waltz around me. I was in the middle of a blizzard, yet, strangely, my body did not feel cold. It was all the contrary. I started walking around on the snow, but my feet did not sink, remaining at the surface instead, as though I was gliding on it. I did not question it. It was a dream, after all, it was not surprising that the laws of physics did not apply in that ethereal place. I moved around, slowly. A voice was calling me from the distance, but I heard it very imperceptibly; it was covered by the tempest. However, I managed, somehow, to deduce it was a woman's. I parted my lips and contracted my throat to shout back and ask who the mysterious person was, but not a sound came out. I tried again, nothing. Great, it was a mute dream… Resigned, I advanced in the direction of the woman, determined to discover who she was. Perhaps, in the meantime, I would be able to wake up and forget about the strange universe of my brain…

I had always longed to dream when I used to be unable to control my ability. I had always wanted to know what kind of illusions my mind would be able to produce… However, due to the true nature of The Sweet Appeals, I had realised early that dreams were terrifying. They were the manifestation of one's deepest desires and inner struggles, which were exactly what my ability could discover. Because it felt as though I was using that ability on myself, I was rarely unconscious during my sleep, and looking at my own desires… It was a nightmare each time I wanted to close my eyes. In the morning, the dream would fade away and I would wake up with the feeling of being rested. It was as if two beings who were myself existed within me; one lived the day, ignoring almost naively how tormented she was, and the other lived the night in that body's dreams. That would be me. I sometimes envied my counterpart, who fought against these struggles of hers whereas I could only suffer from them. At the very least, if the daily "me" could finally come to realise she had the right to be happy, I would then be able to experience pleasant dreams.

I made a few steps towards the voice calling me, before stopping. There was an invisible wall separating me from my destination, the wall of Yōko's will. Softly, I put my hand onto it, and it broke from the slight pressure. I had not become conscious for a long time, yet, it felt that I had been alive since the very beginning of herbhuman life… And to break that wall so easily… If I truly were her nightly counterpart, I would never have been able to cross or, for our wills would for a single one. So, my identity was much more complicated, after all…

Footsteps suddenly appeared in front of me, tracing a path towards the voice. My mystical body followed them, moved by desire. That voice was her desire… After all this time, I who had ruined her life and health, finally felt more aware than ever.

A woman stood there, her colourful kimono contrasting drastically with the white and pure snow around us. It was a red one, I noticed, almost scarlet. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before turning towards me, a smile making her lips turn upwards.

"You're finally here."

I felt weak, but I made a few more steps in her direction. This was the person who had given life to me — to us… This was the person whose voice I had yearned to hear the most… I fell into her open arms, almost happy that Yōko would never get to experience that encounter. She was mine, and mine alone…

"I missed you, mother…" I buried my face in her neck "Always, always… I've always tried to hear your voice, but every time, I would fail… I never rested and sought you, but I never could… Why…?"

"... I am not your mother…" She pulled back slightly.

I looked up at her.

"But… It was because of you that I appeared… You gave me life…"

"No, I didn't… It was my daughter's will to hear me that created you, and that is why you have this name." She corrected me.

"Yōko and I are the same…! She's always wanted to hear you, that's why, for her, I worked so, so hard…! That body could crumble in pieces, but I never would have stopped searching…" I said, holding onto her sleeve "Please, please, acknowledge me…"

"Stop." She grabbed my shoulders "Get a hold of yourself… Dreams are made so my daughter can understand her desires… Shouldn't you be the best one to find out about them, Sweet Appeals?"

I sighed. That woman was not real, she was just someone Yōko wanted to see… That was a nightmare, I had to regain my composure. My relationship with my owner had not always been easy, and I was not a docile one to control, but we had come to understand each other. She deeply wanted to reach the voice, and it was not her mother's.

"Where should I go, Eirin-san?" I asked.

She regained her smile.

"I have another daughter, you see. She's hiding in that cave, further. Will you meet her?"

"If that's what she desires…" I rubbed the back of my neck "Just… I never got to meet anyone… Conscious, before… What do I look like…?"

A mirror appeared in her gentle hands. Dreams could create a lot of things out of thin air. I took a good look at myself, then smiled.

"Thank you. I'll get going, now."

She nodded, and I walked past her, towards the cave. Inside, it was dark and damp. I could hear droplets fall regularly onto the ground. The sound of my heels echoed each time I made a step, but I did not pay too much attention. There, indeed, the small and familiar form of the young Ogawa Ruriko was curled up, and her shoulders were shaking, as if she was crying.

"Onee-chan… Onee-chan…" She sobbed.

"I am here, Ruriko-chan."

This was not my voice. So, she had taken over again… I sighed. It was for the better, after all.

"Liar…! Murderer…!"

The physical manifestation of our will made a move towards her, but she screamed even louder.

"Get away, you monster…!"

That made the entire cave shake, and I knew, inside, that it would crumble soon. Suddenly, I realised. I had to wake up. That was not a dream, but a nightmare. I was not my ability, nor a counterpart of myself, I was simply…

"...Ogawa Yōko…" I groaned, opening my eyes "And I had a very bad dream…"