maskedmenmakemeferal

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Heaven forbid a man reports back to HR

Imagine being JD Vance, who makes such a huge part of his personality being catholic. The pope himself takes time to lecture you on compassion then promptly DIES. The pope uses one of his last hours on earth to tell you that you suck at your religion on EASTER. And then DIES. Anyway RIP Pope Francis

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For every like Elon Musk gets a kick to the balls, for every reblog Trump gets fucking punched

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Drunken One night(?) stands

All you remember was getting a drink at the bar when some handsome guy comes up to you. He was respectful,asking politely if you wanted to drink together in a soft British accent.

Of course you said yes,I mean who wouldn’t if fucking Adonis came up to you.

So,that’s how you ended up with this behemoth of a man in your bed. He was sprawled out,silk sheets pooling around his hips.

You look at the clock,whose blinking numbers read ‘1:24am’. “Fuck.” You whisper,trying to find a way to get him out of here without your Roomate,who works nights and gets home at 2,sees him.

He gets waken up by the noise,sitting up a bit. You see each delicious expanse of tattoo’s across his toned tanned skin. “You okay?” His voice is clear in the silent night.

You have to practically pick your jaw up off the floor and nod. “You want me out?” He looks over at you,brown eyes a bit sad at the idea.

“No! No,I just don’t want my roommate to see you leave.”

“Doll face,I’m good at being quiet. I was a part of multiple stealth missions,trust me.” He rubs your shoulder,comforting your worries with such ease.

You look at his plush lips,seeing the delectable pink hue. You recall just how deliciously that mouth was praising you as he was balls deep inside you.

“Why don’t you get back to bed, yeah?” You nod and turn your body slightly to sleep, still allowing him to rub your back.

“What’s your name?” You murmur against your pillow.

“Kyle. But my friends call me Gaz.”

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Daddy Daughter day

As you and Simons daughter -Lily- gets older, the more he mourns how she was when she was young. She was all bright eyed and would cling to Simon every change she could.

But now, she’s 14 and that once close relationship is crumbling away.

Now, it’s not like she’s a bad kid. She gets good grades and is always respectful to you two. She’s just…..not as eager to hang out with Simon.

After another Friday night of her hanging out with her friends, Simon’s at home stewing.

There’s a rerun of Lily and his favorite movie and now he’s too pissy to enjoy it. He’s grumbling something along the lines of ‘Im too sad to watch it’.

You roll your eyes and smile. “Si. You know Lily loves to spend time with you. Just not like how she used to.”

“‘Ts bullshit, birdie. She doesn’t even want to go to car shows w’ me.”

“She never wanted to. She hated going to those, but she knew it made you happy.”

He furrows his blonde eyebrows in disbelief. ‘No way.’ He thinks. ‘His best memories with his daughter couldn’t be due to her wanting to please him.’

“Come on, Si. You just need to do stuff that appeals to 14 year old Lily, not 7 year old Lily.” You gently rub his shoulders.

So, that’s how he ended up at the mall with Lily, 200£ and a goal to spend time with his daughter.

She flits around from store to store, blabbering about the things in them.

Simon couldn’t care less, but now it’s time for him to suck it up and deal with his boredom.

They eventually end up at the food court and he gets some pretzels. He hands one to Lily, who chose a table towards the back.

Eventually, after a few minutes of awkward silence, they see a poster for their favorite movie from when she was a kid.

Standing right in front of it are her friends. She looks away, worried they’d spot her hanging out with her dad.

“Wha’s wrong?” Simon squints a bit, knowing she’ll try to bullshit him.

“Nothin’. Jus’ thought I saw someone I knew.” Simon looks over at her friends.

“Worried they’d see you with your ol’ man, eh?” Even though his voice sounds joking, it isn’t. He is really hurt over feeling like an embarrassment to his kid.

“No, no. It’s just….their dads are kind of…..pricks. And I don’t want them to be upset I have such a cool one.”

Simon can tell she’s fucking with him on this. Sure, he’s met her friends dads and they are kind of assholes, but he definitely isn’t cool.

“If ya’ so embarrassed ‘bout hanging out with me, go.” He gets up and walks away. People move away from his fuming form like he’s on fire.

He gets a ticket for that movie, a last ditch effort to remind him of a simpler time. He sits down, crossing his arms and having a small pout on his lips.

The cheesy comedy movie begins and it doesn’t help. He still feels like an asshole. He knows he got a bit sensitive about Lily not wanting to hang out with him and he became a dick.

30 minutes into the movie, someone opens the door and comes in. It’s Lily with tears rolling down her cheeks.

She sits down a few seats away, clearly not knowing what to do to make it right. But Simon knows she’s trying. He moves a seat closer, and so does she, until eventually their next to eachother.

“‘M sorry you think ‘m embarrassed of you.” She sniffles and whispers.

“‘M sorry I made you feel like a dick for growing up.” He wraps a burly arm around her and gently hugs her tight.

They watch the movie, talking about how shitty the quality is and how predictable the ending is.

But, this is Simons new favorite memory.

Why?

Because. His baby girl is finally spending time with him again.

And that’s perfect to him.

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New Years Eve party

(I know I’m late,I’m sorry guys🙏)

Simon,for once,is on leave during the holiday season. Since he doesn’t have a family to celebrate the holidays with,he volunteers to stay over the 2 week stretch from December 20 to January 6th. But,the base was getting fumigated,so he has to leave.

He’s been renting a flat and loaning it to one of Soaps copious siblings for about a year or two. The deal is,when he’s on leave,he stays in a spare room and Soaps sibling coughs up half the rent.

He called the sibling on his Uber home from the airport,only to be greeted by the sound of a party. It’s nothing outrageous,a few people together playing board games,but still a party.

“Aye,Simon,ya’ finally on leave?” The familiar Scottish accent fills his ears.

“Yeah. Base is gettin’ fumigated. Is the spare room free?” The Uber driver pulls up infront of the house

“Yeah. Fair warnin’,I have a few friends over for a New Year’s Eve par’y.”

“I’ll live.” His gruff Manchester accent fills the back of the car as he gets out. “Thanks.” He hands the driver a 20 for his trouble and gets out. The driver smiles and wishes him a happy new year.

He hangs up on Soaps sibling and heads up to unlock the door. He opens it,weariness hitting him like a bus. But, he sees something that jolts him awake.

He sees the most beautiful person alive. They’re sitting on a recliner,the one he used to chain smoke cigarettes on every Christmas before Price allowed him to stay in base.

Their head was tilt forward in laughter,arms clutching your stomach at a joke you made. Your friends are all drunk and giggling themselves.

“Aye,the life of da fuckin’ par’ys here!” Soaps sibling smiles,getting up. They go around,introducing everyone of his friends. They land on you afterwards.

You look up at his hulking form,worried when you see him ‘glare’ at you.

In all actuality,he’s looking at you like your one of the seven wonders of the world and he’s a blind man seeing for the first time. Your awkward smile,your sweet sounding voice as you offer to let him have your seat.

“Nah,you’re fine.” He shakes his head. He pulls a chair from the kitchen and sits a bit away from the actual party.

They’re playing some card game,probably Uno with a drinking element. You tilt your shot glass to your full lips and lean your head back. Simons eyes travel down the column of your throat.

You set it down and draw 2,lovingly flipping off the person who put down a draw 2 you had the cards to the pile in your hand,which would have to be half the deck.

Soon,the party decides to watch a movie,so you take it as an invitation to talk to Simon. The usual stuff,like ‘how’d you get invited’ and ‘what is it you like to do’.

All he’s focused on is the women infront of him,who’s face is half illuminated by the shitty horror movie the party decided to choose.

‘Fuck’ he thinks. ‘I should come home for the holidays more often.’

Little did you or him know,Soaps recommendation to Price about being late on standard fumigations and Soaps sibling throwing a party may or may not have been a coincidence.

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Halloween Party

Simon Riley used to never care for Halloween. I mean,the man wears a mask every day,what’s so special about Halloween masks? That was until Johnny half begged him to go to a party with him. Simon begrudgingly followed the Scot.

The cold October air filled the walk from the base to the party location. Drunkards spilled in and out of the house,some dressed like slutty versions of each profession. You and your friends are no exception.

You,a slutty nurse,and a few of your friends walk into the house,prepared to spend time together. Soap spots some old friends and walk away,leaving Simon alone with the house owners cat,Muffin.

“Oh,who is this little guy?” You smile,coming up to Simon. “Is he yours?”

“Oh-um-no. He’s the house owners. ’m tit-Simon. Just Simon.”

‘For fucks sake,” he thinks to himself. ‘Look at me,reduced to mush from a simple question?!’

Despite his awkward response,you laugh and give your own name. The words sounded like honey,pouring from glossed lips,parted in a small smile.

Your manicured hand stroked the cat,the strange texture of the latex costume disrupted the fat and made him scurry away. “Oh…I’m sorry little guy!” You call after the cat.

“So….whatre you supposed to be?” You ask,sipping some horrid concoction of pink edible glitter,tequila,and vodka from the bathtub.

‘Quick,think of something’

“‘m a skeleton.” He nods,nose scrunched a bit at the drink. A song blared in the background,drowning out everyone’s voices to you two.

“That’s cool.” You smile. “I’m a nurse. I didn’t read the full description online and accidentally bought the slutty one and I didn’t have time to buy another one.”

“I like it. It looks….festive?” He attempts to not stare at your body in a vulgar way. You smile and continue chatting animatedly.

Sadly,all Simon was focusing on was the way your chest moved in that tight uniform.

Yep….its official. He loves Halloween.

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i read somewhere that vikings used to gift new brides kittens and immediately thought of viking!simon and a little kitten

big man with small animal? absolutely yes i’m ovulating

c/w: none

you cannot and will not tell me that he will not pick the scrunkliest kitten known to man. little black scruffy thing tucked into his palms and he just puts it in your lap the day after your wedding. mumbles something about tradition before skulking off

he expects you to dump the thing on someone else, not even give little scruff a name. but to his surprise you’re absolutely in love with this little ball of fur. you don’t go anywhere without it, fashioning a little collar for it and speaking to it as if it were your own child

he doesn’t expect you to be in tears when you tell him that the cat didn’t come home last night :( that you’re worried a wolf got to it and you just miss your baby!

huffs and puffs as he hunts around the dark forest, looking for a kitten who may as well be invisible. breathes a sigh of relief when he finds the thing handing on a tree branch. he’d grab it by the scruff before beginning his trek back home,

“ya gave your mum a right scare. don’t do that again.” he’d grunt to the cat who just meows right back at him, tail swishing in the air

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I’m completely normal over this man

”Right. And what’s his name?”

“Simon.”

you stare at your husband for a second, dumbfounded. “and… what’s his last name?”

“Riley.”

“…You named your dog Simon Riley.”

He grinned from ear to ear. “Bloody handsome name, innit?” You sighed, dragging your hand down your face. “You are so stuck up sometimes.”

“You always said you wanted a guard dog.” Right, and now you’ve got two of them. “Is he chipped-?” “Got him all ‘is necessary shots and the like, birdie. Don’t worry your pretty little head.” He presses a kiss to your forehead, and you can’t help but smile at him. As strange as your husband may be…

You think he’s perfect.

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Male gaze Valeria can’t hurt you-

I know,and that’s the issue.

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New neighbor(Konigs version)

Konig watched you.

Every movement,every footstep,every breath.

His eyes watched you.

In his mind,you were his.

His cute,little,civilian neighbor.

He had retired from the military a few months back and had moved into a small neighborhood. You were the first one to introduce yourself and make him feel safe.

He towered over you,but you weren’t terrified of him.

Anytime you smile,his heart feels like it’s going to burst.

He knew then and there,you were his to protect.

So,whenever you invited him over for dinner to check up on him,he had to calm himself.

You open the door,wearing something very nice and pretty and he felt all of his blood rush to his cock.

“Hi Konig.” You let him in.

“Hello.” He nods,not wanting to say more due to his raging hard on.

“Dinners almost ready.” You smile.

He felt like he was going to break. That smile,that pretty face,the women who’s been in his dreams for months.

“C-can I go freshen up in your bathroom?” He asks,praying you can’t see his bulge.

“Of course.” You lead him to the bathroom.

He thanks you and steps inside,making quick work of his belt once he knows your back downstairs.

He bites his mask as he jerks off,keeping his moans to a minimum. His hand isn’t working though,knowing that you’re downstairs,so close. He accepts defeat,putting back on his pants and washing his hands.

He walks back downstairs to find two beautifully crafted plates. He sits at the table.

“Thank you.” He smiled under his mask.

“No problem,Konig.” You down and start eating.

The dinner was filled with a sweet conversation as you eat the amazing meal you created.

You smile at him,and he’s about to hit his breaking point.

“Konig?” You look at him expecting.

“Hm? Sorry.” Konig snaps out of the trance.

“Are you feeling okay?” You gently grab his hand.

He nods. “Yeah,I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“Okay,good.” You smile.

He snaps at that,his breath getting heavy and his face is flushed. He grabs your hands,looking at

you pleadingly. “Liebling,please.”

“Please what?” You say innocently.

“I need you.” And he did. A deep,carnal need that oozed into every crevice of his being.

“Where do you need me?” You get up.

“Let me fuck you,Liebling.” You’re a bit taken back at first,but take the challenge,straddling his lap. His hands go to your hips,squeezing the delectable bit of fat there.

You lift his mask,thankfully to see his face. He has a lewd look on his face,pupils blown in lust.

You kiss him,a hungry all consuming kiss like you were trying to take his very essence into you.

“Let’s get this dress off,yes?” He smiles and reaches for the zipper. He unzips it,letting the shiny material pool inbetween you two. He makes quick work of it,tossing it to the side.

You kiss him,unlatching your bra and tossing it to the side. His large hand slides inbetween your lush thighs,thick fingers touching you over your lace panties.

You let out a high pitched moan,hips rolling for more friction.

“Be a good girl,Liebling,and let me prep you.”

“You don’t have to,Ko.”

“No,Liebling,I really do.” He tares the fabric of the lace,throwing them with the rest of the clothes.

“Oh so wet.” He smiles,observing your pussy. His fingers slowly pump in and out of you,at first it was only one,but soon it was three. You moan,grinding into his hand.

“Hng,fuck!” You toss your head back as a unholy moan leaves you.

He smiles when you come onto his hand. “Good fucking girl,Liebling.” He unbuckles his belt and pulls down his pants,showing his bulge.

You reach out,raking your nails down his abs to his underwear and sliding it off.

“Oh my god,how is it so big?” You look up at him,wide eyed.

“You flatter me.” He smiles. “Now,take it like the good girl you are.” You sink onto him,moaning at the adjustment to his size.

“Holy fuck,your cunts so fucking tight,Liebling.”

He helps you ride him,his hands providing a comfortable coolness to your hips.

You lean forward and bite his shoulder,not enough to draw blood,but enough to sting.

He takes your face with his free hand and kisses you,sloppy and sensual.

You moan into the kiss as his dick stroked your clit,loving the feeling.

After a few amazing moments,the coil in your stomach snaps and you cum,your walls spasming. He comes too,his cum filling you too the brim.

He smiles hazily up at you.

“That was amazing,Libling.”

You’re too fucked out to formulate a response,so you nod and nuzzle into his chest.

“Mhm.” You murmer against his warm skin. “Amazing.”

(Old writing,so kinda shitty ,I’m sorry)

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Hey sexy

Simon wasn’t used to flirting.

I mean,Soap was very flirty,but that was friend flirting,not romantic flirting.

So,even 5 years into your marriage,he still gets caught off gaurd by your flirting.

“Hey sexy.” You bite your full lip,looking up at him and smiling.

He looks down at you,confused. “Lovie,are ya havin’ a stroke?”

You laugh,tossing your head back a bit. “I’m not,honey,I’m just flirting.

“We’re literally married,Lovie.” He holds up his ringed and scared hand.

“But you are sexy.” You playfully slap his ass.

He looks down at you with a playfully annoyed expression,eyebrows furrowed.

“You love me.”

“Your goddamn right I do.” He kissed you,taking away any flirty comments from your lips.

“Good,good.” You smile and whisper against his lips.

Based off this, because I love it so much I wanted to add my 2 cents

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Old Photos

When Simon and you got married,your friend had bought you a photo album to ‘fill with memories’

Now,four years later,you and Simon are flipping through the photo book after your baby girl went to bed.

“Look at ya,lovie. So stunning.” Simon smiles,pointing to a photo of you on your honeymoon.

“I used to be so pretty.” You whisper,looking down at the photo of you at the beach.

“Used to?” Simon’s eyebrows flew up,comically high. If it wasn’t for the frown on his face,you’d think he was faking offense.

When you stayed silent,he presses on. “Lovie,you’re still beautiful.”

“Baby,I’m covered in baby food and I’m disheveled. As much as I love baby girl,she’s messy.” You kiss his cheek,flipping the page.

His eyebrow’s furrowed deeper. While you see a ‘mess’,he sees the women who gave birth to his baby,the one who could make his day even better,and the one who could take all of him.

“Respectfully,lovie,shut up.” His voice growled softly in your ear,shutting the book and setting it down. “Now,let me prove how sexy I find my wife.”

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Sick

Simon prided himself on never getting sick.

“Lovie,I can kiss you even if you have a fever,I have a strong immune system.” He boasts,giving you a tender kiss.

And it’s true,99.9 percent of the time.

That 0.1 percent? He’s the biggest baby.

He wraps himself in a throw blanket and shuffles through the house like a Victorian child with yellow fever.

Simon also has the loudest sneeze ever.

I swear,you can hear this man from across the flat.

He downs NiQuill like it’s water because he hates being sick.

Not just because of the aches and pains,I mean that sucks too,but also because he has to sleep in your guys room by himself.

“It’s for the best,Si. I can’t be sick and take care of you.” You gently move the cold compress to lay flat against his forehead.

He furrows his brows at your statement.

“Lovie,I’m not sick.” His voice is less convincing all cracked from a sore throat.

“Yeah,sure. Those mountain of tissues totally agree.” You tease.

“‘T’s not a mountain,’T’s a heap.”

“My dicision is final,Si.” You kiss his cheek.

Hopefully this flu goes away soon,he needs to cuddle with you.

(Based off of me,being sick rn)

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Hi!! I just wanted you to know that

Dad bod!Simon has got me bricked up and I don’t even have the proper utensils)

got an instant follow. I’m literally dying over here 🤣 ( also like 1000000% agree, Dad bod!Simon can get it, any time, any place, anywhere, whatever, whenever, however he wants it 🫠)

Anyway!! I hope you are having a wonderful day!!🫧

(also sorry if this sent before like halfway done. Tumblr is ✨testing✨ me today lol)

Thank you so much 😊 I hope you have a wonderful day to 😊😊😊😊😊

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Sweetcheeks

If you told younger Simon that ten years from now that he would be laying in bed with his wife,he’d scoff and say you were crazy.

But he is.

You leave some sweet kisses down his bare back,fingers splaying over his tattooed and scared skin.

“Lovie,I gotta get up.” He sleepily murmured,even though he’d rather die then get out of bed right now.

“Shut up.” You sweetly say,hands wrapping around his midsection,softer from 2 years of retirement. (Dad bod!Simon has got me bricked up and I don’t even have the proper utensils)

He loved the feeling of early mornings with you,nowear to go or people to see. He also loves the feeling of your warm hands running up and down his body. But he felt like he needed to do something to be productive.

“Lovie,it’s 10,I have to go.”

“You’ve been going places for a long time while you were in the military. Let me hold you,sweet cheeks.”

He scowled a bit.

Sweetcheeks?

This 6’ man,feared by many,with hundreds of scars gets called Sweetcheeks?

“Don’t frown Si,you’ll get wrinkles.” You joke.

Fine,I guess he can stay another ten minutes…or an hour.

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New Neighbor

Simon is obsessed with his sweet little civilian neighbor.

Simon had retired from the 141 and got a small flat that’s attached to another one,which is your flat.

You two had multiple bump ins because your mail sometimes goes to his door and vice versa.

But Simon craves seeing you,so sometimes he’ll swap the packages just so you come see him.

“Hi,your package went to my house again.” You smile and hand him the small package. He takes it and nods.

“Thanks.” He sets it down on the entryway table. He looks you up and down.

You would think he’s judging,but he’s actually admiring. You smile and nod. “Bye,Si.” You walk away,your heels gently clicking on the pavement.

Later that night,his pants are bunched around his ankles and his cock in his hand. He bites his lower lip as he hears your soft,supple moans carry through the wall.

“Hah~ oh god! Si~” You moan,fingers buried deep into your cunt.

I mean,the walls are paper thin and he did move his bed next to the wall closer to yours.

He goes harder,the sound of your soft moans making the blood rush to his cock.

Ropes of cum flow from his tip and onto his thighs,stomach,and hand.

The next day,you come by with another package that got delivered to your house on accident.

You smile and hand it to him,and he sets it down like the other ones.

When you walk away,he opens the package. He didn’t even know what he ordered,but he just wanted to see that pretty face once again.