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What You See vs. What You Don’t: Autism Edition

Neurodivergent_lou

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The Misconception of Selfishness in Autistic Individuals

The Autistic Teacher

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Still can't confirm if I'm autistic but indeed, this makes sense.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may act in ways that seem nonsensical for an autistic person. They aren't any less autistic.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may give advice that's completely useless for autistic people because it's the same advice that's been given to them and they never figured out why it's useless.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may refuse to take things literally and instead insist on finding hidden meanings in everything because they grew up being expected to pick up on hidden meanings and never figured out why that's unreasonable.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may judge people for acting visibly autistic because they grew up being judged for acting the same way. And since they never acknowledged it as an autistic trait and instead were taught that it's misbehavior, they played along.

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A Lot of what Society Deems as Negative Personality Traits are Actually Autistic Traits…

Neurodivergent_lou

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The Autistic Special Interest Cycle

Neurodivergent_lou

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7 Things autistic people wish we knew about autism before we were diagnosed?

There’s actually 8 here, but a good post!

Neurodivergent_lou

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Autism and Being Constantly Exhausted

Neurodivergent_lou

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Autism and Acting Different to Age

Neurodivergent_lou

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20 Ways Slow Processing Speed May Show Up

neurodivergent_lou

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-Zoë Lianne

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Overwhelmed

Not sure if it's coz I'm in the middle of my period that I'm feeling depressed and overwhelmed again. Or perhaps part of me could be too affected of Kuya Levi's death.

Just last year, my dad suffered from a mild stroke. And he's huge. My mom, sis, and I were the only ones at home. We could hardly carry his weight. Thankfully, Kuya Levi helped us bring him to the hospital. He was kind enough to accompany us the soonest he could. But just a few days ago, he had a series of stroke until he died with only his kids around. It was so sudden.

Before it happened, some months ago he experienced his first stroke and that made a part of his body paralyzed. But that didn't faze him to keep walking/exercising. I'm actually amazed of how determined he was despite me being awkward whenever I saw him. Though now, he's gone from stroke just after a year when he helped my dad from his stroke too 😢 Also heard that he got depressed after his first stroke. And some said his personality changed. I remember reading that strokes could also turn a person to become neurodivergent coz it damages your brain. It's really sad.

Honestly, funerals are kinda triggering to me too. It gives me anxiety just imagining when the time comes it'll be our turn to manage it for either of our parents. I feel bad worrying about it over much worse things but this is what my body is prompting me. I feel like my social anxiety is getting worse. Though I'm not entirely sure if it's indeed social anxiety. Because what I was anxious about is getting asked about my current activities and it just automatically flashbacks my trauma. I mean, if I didn't have trauma I probably wouldn't worry about such events. I couldn't break free from this guilt or shame. At this point, I think it's impossible to fix. The only thing I could do is to avoid such situations as much as possible but sadly, it's inevitable. The thought of it alone makes me want to die soon. Too extreme but this is exactly how I feel.

Recently, I've been thinking of getting an official diagnosis just so my parents would believe that there really is something going on in my brain (w/c of course affects my behavior). But I would have to need some money for that and I don't want to depend on my parents all too much. I would like to know if I really do have autism (and ADHD/OCD). I'm already sure with CPTSD.

Right now, I can't really imagine living longer. So many cruel things happening in this world. Old hopeful and pleaser me is no longer existing. People around me seemed to miss that person. I just can't seem to function normally anymore. Made me wish it would've been better if it's me who died and not Kuya Levi. I'm just struggling to accept everything that's going on.

My burnout seemed to have emptied my interest in other people. I could only genuinely care for the people close to me. For those who I'm not interested in, regardless if they are our relatives or not, I couldn't feel anything. It's like my body no longer acknowledge them. I don't know what sort of psych concept is this. I just feel heartless for being this way. Probably other people would think the same way. But I don't know, I can't explain it. It's just something my body can't control. Sometimes, I feel like not taking my cardio meds anymore so I could get a heart attack much sooner.

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Predicting Film Plots and 4 Other Examples of Autistic Pattern Seeking

Neurodivergent_lou

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7 Autistic Things Which Are Difficult for Non-Autistic People to Understand

Neurodivergent_lou

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Autism and Fawning

Tw: mention of sexual assault

Neurodivergent_lou

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There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

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Is God an enabler?

The concept of forgiveness is just weird sometimes. I was the one wronged. Yet people are pushing the task to forgive on me. They see it as my responsibility. If I don't forgive, they say I won't be able to have a fulfilling life and that I won't go to Heaven. Yet the wrongdoer remains free and never had to take concern himself in this.

Even in their concept of God and Heaven, it's the victim who would suffer. It's the victim who would get punished. It's the victim who would likely go to hell for not forgiving, for feeling hatred and anger for all the things he/she experienced. Why are there so much more expectations from a victim than what they have for an abuser?

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I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.