mcytrauma

[mcytrauma]

― my body, me, and all the people in between

author - lightning_anon status - completed length - 5 chapters / 26.1k words dynamics - sand duo, sbi, wilbur & sally worldbuilding - foster au genre/tropes - hurt/comfort, angst / found family content warnings - self harm, medical trauma, near-death experiences, dysphoria, abandonment, feelings of betrayal, unplanned pregnancy, hypochondria, panic attacks, implied/referenced character death. police presence, grief, tics (briefly), bullying, ableism [check chapter notes for CWs] extra points - trans!intersex!wilbur, autistic!technoblade, adhd!tommy, autistic!ranboo, autistic!sally, trans!sally, autistic!fundy, trans!fundy

summary

Wilbur has never found it hard to describe himself. He's smart, funny, charming, anxious, prone to breakdowns, more than a little mentally ill, a brother, a son, scared, trying his best, proud of himself, intersex, trans, probably panicking.

Wilbur Soot's a lot of things. Sometimes he's not exactly sure how to put it into words.

But one thing is for sure, Wilbur Soot is in love.

-

Wilbur's encompass installment: a story of how we connect to others, ourselves, and our bodies.

thoughts - beautifully written!! this author just keeps one-upping themself! wilbur’s entire installment is hurt and healing and hurt and healing and it’s not too harsh in the hard spots and he just. lives his life despite things being hard, and it ‘s really wonderful to see. i really really like this installment, highly recommended.

[mcytrauma]

― comb your hands through my hair and tell me that you love me

author - lightning_anon status - completed length - 5 chapters / 27.2k words dynamics - emerald duo, disc duo, (brief) twins duo worldbuilding - foster au genre/tropes - angst, hurt/comfort? / found family content warnings - terrorism, auditory hallucinations, non-consensual body modification, referenced/implied thoughts of self-harm + harm to others, bullying, ableism, meltdowns, sensory overload (in depth), tics (briefly) [check chapter notes for CWs] extra points - autistic!technoblade, adhd!phil, adhd!dream, intersex!trans!wilbur, autistic!ranboo, good!dream (he’s supportive and really cool in this)

summary

Technoblade's parents were the best of parents: kind, caring, and loving. Technoblade's parents were the worst of people: unforgiving, cruel, deadly.

Techno loses his parents, his hair, and his autonomy. He gains a Phil, and a family. Just not in the way he wanted.

-

Techno's encompass installment: a story of what we lose and what we gain.

thoughts - an amazing read! so much incredible insight into technoblade’s background, including all the care and support he received from his parents. also it was amazing and heartbreaking to see his history with phil and how they cared for each other so fiercely. this one gave me the warm fuzzies. a pretty close second to phil’s installment as my personal favorite part if i’m being honest. highly recommend!

[mcytrauma]

― technoblade!

✧ comb your hands through my hair and tell me that you love me ⤷ dynamics: emerald duo, rivals duo ⤷ foster au ⤷ CWs: terrorism, auditory hallucinations, referenced/implied thoughts of self harm, bullying, ableism, nonconsensual body modification, meltdowns ⤷ need to read the previous installments of encompass in order to have context for this

✧ – personal favorite

[mcytrauma]

― book club ! [ 06.28.2022 ]

comb your hands through my hair and tell me that you love me by lightning_anon

my body, me, and all the people in between by lightining_anon

a field of alliums to lay in by lightning_anon

it’s fun to be a fungi by lightning_anon

Extension by Jk_Kat

One More Step Out of the Pit by AdrianaintheSnow

One Step Forward by AdrianaintheSnow

Like Footprints on the Seashore by AdrianaintheSnow

Out of Step by AdrianaintheSnow

His Curse of Binding by bari_astralis

Butterfly Reign by SilentTeyz

The Multiplayers by CalistaWon

Flowers from 1970 by astronomika

it’s all love by subwaywalls

everybody got a spot, love by subwaywalls

but then you took it all, love by subwaywalls

[ DM to join the book club on discord! ]

[mcytrauma]

― official fic recs !

ours poetica ⤷ bench trio + good!disc duo + tl;dr everyone loves tommy and he deserves it / slam poetry au

hold my hand tight (we’ll make it another night) ⤷ sbi + bench trio / tommyinnit desperately needs a hug, BAMF tommyinnit / vigilante au + foster au

steal from me and i’ll turn the other way ⤷ allium duo / origins allium duo has my entire heart / origins au + royalty au

warrior ⤷ bedrock bros / very little dialogue, but it’s still poggers + tommyinnit challenges the government with a god at his back / fantasy au

patience and pin feathers ⤷ angel duo / hurt/comfort but it’s poggers / i definitely cried reading this at like 2am please

notus ⤷ bee duo-centric + (side) sbi / an emotional rollercoaster + please mind the tags they’re not exaggerating + why isn’t anyone talking about this fic + it has passerine vibes / fantasy au

[mcytrauma]

― this heart of mine

author - chysalizzm status - completed length - 17 chapters / 82.2k words dynamics - the entirety of the dsmp worldbuilding - canon divergent dsmp genre/tropes - hurt/comfort, angst / found family content warnings - near-death experiences, attempted murder, major character injury, PTSD, war, blood, manipulation, abuse [check chapter notes for CWs] extra points - good!dream, lots of healing

summary

“And for them... for them, he’d do anything.”

---

It’s been a month since the madness was excised from their world.

The past is catching up to Dream.

(Or: There is no war, this time; no battlefield, no swords crossed, no blood burning on a blade. That does not mean there are no casualties.)

[mcytrauma]

― interlude: lida

author - chrysalizzm status - completed length - 1 chapter / 16.6k words dynamics - the entirety of the smp worldbuilding - dsmp but with canon divergence genre/tropes - angst / found family content warnings - extreme illness, near-death experiences, dealing with trauma and PTSD, grief, blood, panic attacks, mentions of alcoholism

summary

lida, swedish: infinitive form of the verb to suffer. (Or: The seven days Dream was unconscious.)

thoughts - they support each other through hardship and grief and they heal and rebuild and it’s stressful but also amazing

[mcytrauma]

― you’re human tonight

author - chrysalizzm status - completed length - 25 chapters / 65.3k words dynamics - dream + literally everyone else worldbuilding - dsmp but canon divergence genre/tropes - fluff, angst / found family content warnings - character injury, war, near-death experiences, mental illness, possession, temporary character death, mentions of alcoholism, abuse [check chapter notes for CWs] extra points - good!dream

summary

Twenty-two times Dream absolutely did not act like a human in front of his people, and one time he didn’t have to worry about that.

(And while doing so starts wars, ends wars, lets people sleep on him, contributes to some pranks, causes mass destruction, rebuilds monuments, and saves a pet or two.)

[mcytrauma]

― uncentered!

interlude: lida ⤷ canon divergent dsmp ⤷ CWs: extreme illness, near-death experiences, dealing with trauma and PTSD, grief, blood, panic attacks, mentions of alcoholism ⤷ interlude between You’re Human Tonight and This Heart of Mine

[mcytrauma]

― shout your lungs out at me

author - lightning_anon status - completed length - 3 chapters / 14.8k words dynamics - SBI worldbuilding - foster au genre/tropes - slice of life, hurt/comfort, angst / found family, good dad!phil content warnings - ableism, alcoholism, character injury [check chapter notes for CWs] extra points - intersex!trans!wilbur, autistic!technoblade, adhd!tommy, autustic!ranboo, adhd!phil, aroace!phil

summary

Phil Watson is painfully used to being yelled at. There's a reason he refuses to ever yell at one of his own kids. Phil Watson is painfully used to bad parents. There's a reason he's committed to being the best parent he can be.

-

Phil's encompass installment: a look at past, present, and future and the influences they have.

thoughts - my favorite out of the series by far, if i’m being honest. it dealt with the serious issues in a much lighter way than the other parts and it felt like love and healing. i liked seeing phil try so hard to be a better parent for his kids than he had

[mcytrauma]

― philza!

✧ shout your lungs out at me ⤷ dynamics: SBI ⤷ foster au ⤷ CWs: implied/referenced alcoholism, bullying, yelling, character injury, neglect

✧ – personal favorite

[mcytrauma]

― a locket of self desire

author - lightning_anon status - completed length - 12 chapters / 50.8k words dynamics - sbi, bench trio, niki+ranboo worldbuilding - foster au, irl genre/tropes - hurt/comfort, angst, fluff / found family content warnings - ableism, trauma, self harm, dissociation, derealization, memory loss, tics [check chapter notes for content warnings] extra points - intersex!trans!wilbur, autistic!technoblade, adhd!tommy, adhd!phil, autistic!ranboo, deaf!tubbo

summary

Tommy has fucked up. Look he knows he has. He pushed people away, took his brother's meds, and caused his other brother to have a meltdown. He's done some bad things. But that's in the past and he's doing better. He's made his amends and worked on his self worth. Just because he's fucked up in the past doesn't mean he is a fuck up. He understands that. Now, over a year down the line, things... things are good.

Of course, that changes with the appearance of a new foster kid. Who is this Ranboo guy anyway?

-

Or: the obligatory sbi foster au sequel, but with a focus on healing as a long term process.

thoughts - even tho it caused me a lot of pain and anguish (/lh), this fic was an amazing read and a really, really good sequel to take this compass, follow it home. watching everyone take their time to heal and learn that it’s okay to exist and take up space gave me hope for my own improvement. overall, this fic was kind of gritty in places (seriously, heed the CWs please. take care of yourselves and be safe) but it was still an amazing read centered on healing. [also, you do need to read the part before for context, just a heads up]

[mcytrauma]

― take this compass, follow it home

author - lightning_anon status - completed length - 12 chapters / 49.7k words dynamics - sbi, bee duo worldbuilding - foster au, irl, high school au genre/tropes - hurt/comfort, angst / found family content warnings - ableism, trauma, self sabotage, self hatred, description of panic attacks [check chapter notes for content warnings] extra points - intersex!trans!wilbur, autistic!technoblade, adhd!tommy, adhd!phil, they’re all mentally ill and seeing their struggles feels Validating

summary

Tommy's a fuck up, he can't pay attention, and never sits still. He taps his hands, pushes people away, and has never had a best friend. He's a screwed up, forgotten kid lost in the foster system. He's also just been placed with a new family. Tommy knows how this goes, he never ends up staying long. After all, no one wants a fuck up like him.

Why would this house be any different?

-

Or: the obligatory sbi foster au, but with a focus on the neurodivergent kids that inevitably get lost in the system.

thoughts - while this fic gave me Several panic attacks, it was an amazing read /gen. i live vicariously through the care and safety that philza gives his kids in this fic oml. it may not be pretty, but it’s real. i got really tired of everyone writing tommy as being totally fine after living through so much trauma. this is really what i needed.

[mcytrauma]

― i’m not short, you’re just abnormal

author - plantform status - completed length - 1 chapter / 5.5k words dynamics - allium duo, (side) clingy duo worldbuilding - origins au genre/tropes - fluff / 5+1 content warnings - fighting?, disagreements

summary 

“I literally just said I’m not little!” Tommy couldn’t care less that he’s shouting at this point, the smug look on Ranboo’s face is maddening. “I’m taller than any Avian, dickhead!”

Squinting mockingly, Ranboo shakes his head. “I don’t think so. Little- a little birdie. A tiny, little fledgling. Short and small.”

“You motherfucker!” Tommy storms closer—the second there’s only a couple of feet between them, he turns bright red; he has to look up-up-up to meet Ranboo’s gaze. What a fucking joke. “Listen here, bitch, I don’t give a shit if you don’t believe me-”

“You kinda seem like you do, is the thing.” Ranboo doesn’t even try to hide his smirk. “What with, you know, the angry screaming and all.”

—

Or: 5 times Tommy hated Ranboo's height, and the 1 time he realized its potential.

thoughts - another poggers allium duo fic! angst between ranboo and tommy gives me Big Anxiety, but it was still really good!

[mcytrauma]

― notus

author - hinder status - completed length - 17 chapters / 71.8k words dynamics - bench trio, expanded sbi worldbuilding - fantasy au, royalty au genre/tropes - angst, fluff / found family, wingfic content warnings - major character death, temporary death, imprisonment, memory loss (on and off throughout the fic) [check chapter notes for content warnings]

summary

He is the End Prince, and he sits atop his throne. The cities call out his name. The Dragon awaits his call.

He is the End Prince, and a crown of crystals sits atop his head. His wings are patterned with delicate purple, symbolizing the eyes of his people and of who he is.

“...hello?”

“Hello,” breathe the End Prince.

thoughts - shit, dude, this fic changed me. i will never be the same as who i was before reading this fic. it’s really good, but it absolutely shattered my heart. passerine-level pain. i honestly can’t reiterate how amazing this fic is and i’m always here for a good sbi + bench trio dynamic.

[mcytrauma]

― ours poetica

author - zeeskeit status - ongoing [updated 04.11.2022] length - TBA dynamics - sbi, bench trio, disc duo + more worldbuilding - slam poetry au genre/tropes - angst / found family, good!dream content warnings - referenced character death, implied suicide, poor mental health, panic attacks, phil is not a very good father, trauma, implied/referenced alcoholism [check chapter notes for content warnings, there are a lot]

summary

Tommy was handed a small flyer printed in black and white, with the words “POETRY NIGHT - OPEN MIC” played across the front in bubbled font. He fumbled with his binder as he took it, eyes wide as he said,” are you sure? I mean, I love poetry and all, but I don’t think - I’m not sure -- what if I can’t write poetry?”

Mr. Sam’s dark eyes softened, and he reached out to place a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Everyone has to start somewhere; every poet, from me to Rudy Francisco, started off without knowing a clue about what we were doing. Tommy, it’s not about if you can or cannot write poetry, it’s about if you want to.”

or: The performance poetry AU in which Tommy joins a slam team and finds a home in the arts.

thoughts - seriously awesome writing, very engaging. it almost felt like i was in tommy’s head with him a few times, it was wild. an amazing fic, i am not exaggerating. there’s a reason this fic is all over rec lists. fair warning, you’ll end up angry on tommy’s behalf a lot throughout this fic. and if you don’t like really intense, high-stakes suspense or cliffhangers, i’d recommend not reading until the author’s finished writing the fic. there’s some karlnap on the side with this one and, let me tell you, it’s so adorable!! really well written and karl and sap are so cute together.

[mcytrauma]

― welcome home, theseus

author - grasstastic status - ongoing [updated 01.14.2022] length - TBA ^^ dynamics - sbi, bench trio worldbuilding - heroes & villains genre/tropes - angst, (physical) hurt/comfort, fluff / found family content warnings - major character injury, ptsd, dissociation, trauma, human experimentation, flashbacks, implied/referenced abuse, derealization [check chapter notes for content warnings]

summary

It may seem like a specific series of coincidences led the Crimson Crusader’s story to the path it followed, but if one choice was changed and everything was different, would Tommy still have gotten his happy ending?

Maybe it was meant to be.

-

An alternate timeline, where the Blade never left the Crimson Crusader bleeding on a rooftop.

thoughts - though i do have my own gripes with the author’s trigger tagging, the fic itself was really good!  an alternate timeline fic [by the same author] for hold my hand tight and it’s really well done! literally amazing and answers the big What Ifs you get if/when you read the original fic. i think the representation of ptsd is pretty good so i personally really appreciate that. and i like that it shows that trauma has very real consequences, that it’s not just a one and done type deal like i feel most fics tend to do when authors want to Move the Plot Along.