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[mebeingserious]

The Writing That Taught And Entertained Me In December 2017

The following set of links are all taken from the last letter I sent out. And if you’re interested in getting something like this once a month, click here.

Miscellaneous

- On consciousness being matter

- A nice discussion about what tumblr means and meant

- The rise of GOOP, and what it means

- Two things I read about nostalgia, the current state of it, and why it’s good for you

- A few years old, but it’s always good to remind yourself of the torture taking place because of the CIA

- The internet is full of losers that try to manipulate others

- The rise of “newsletters”

- The infamous VICE harassment story

- Very smart thoughts about gatekeepers going into 2018

- Monkeys have had information implanted into their brains

- What actors are actually snorting in movies

- Radical transparency in journalism? Please, yes.

Business

- Marketing where anxiety about the survival of your computer is a feature

- Unions are becoming more common at the places you get your news

- Funny. Apple isn’t having the best December

- The marketing Netflix is doing with their original content is very interesting to me

- A very business-ese article about the viability of Moviepass. I enjoyed it

- Seth Godin on minimum viable audiences

- Convenience is getting more and more important in business

- I really like the idea behind “Jobs Theory”

- Tech companies fashioning themselves as cults. Believe this is a few years old, but it’s still not looking too good in the present

- Companies like Google may be too big to be disrupted

- Uber spied on rivals. Please bury them

- Netlfix and Spotify using your data to tell the world about your habits in their marketing

- This is a good example of re-positioning. We’ll see how successful Snapchatis

Improvement

- After reading these two things this week, I’ve begun to talk to myself in third person. It helps. Creates distance, lets you be more objective.

- Why labeling yourself may not be the thing to do, and a good piece that reinforces the reasons why I’ve been trying to shake off “identity”

- “Nobody has the keys to wisdom and certainty.”

- Some smart things/ideas from Naval Ravikant

- Why productivity isn’t always good

- If standing or moving while being mindful gets people at least being more mindful, who could argue with it

- What makes something interesting

- Very good advice on being a better listener

Mental Health

- They’re working on more certain ways to figure out what medications you should take

- The guy is writing some of the best things about psychosis out there

- Tylenol can make you feel better mentally too

- Quite the piece of those living with mental illness

Society

- America should grow spices

- People are being evicted during the winter

- Cities want to keep young people from moving to the suburbs

- The label of “millennials”

- Why WeWork isn’t loved by some

- Selene’s father said something prescient a couple years ago: “the more esoteric, occult and spiritual things get, the further they tend to move toward the far Right.”

- “If he dies, he dies” — me and Ivan Drago on gluten

- White Christianity and all its problems

- Money does make the rich happier, of course

- Fortunately, I don’t feel old yet

Art

- I’ve been thinking about art that pisses people off

- A nice piece on that last episode of ‘Twin Peaks’ and what it meant

- Many people kept revising their art throughout their life, other than Kanye West with ‘The Life of Pablo’

- I was wondering what may have been for ‘Star Wars’ had George Lucas not sold everything to Disney

- Two pieces about what made Hemingway a good writer

- Not really my kind of poetry, but it’s interesting to hear about these new poets leveraging social media

-John Cage, on how to get started

- Great advice about revising poetry

- The importance of difficult art

Earth

- Apparently living things were on this planet for a very, very long time

- The Earth is humming

- Brazil is taking down nature

Health

- California thinks your cellphones could be hurting you

- There’s apparently an HIV epidemic in Russia

Conspir/Occult

- Love me an article about interdimensional beings that claims “fact” in the first paragraph

- Some of you may be going through a Saturn Return. I enjoyed this piece about them.

- Aliens, aliens, aliens

- I came across Mitch Horowitz and his writing this past month. It has given me a lot to think about when it comes to the occult: whether it’s evil, the meaning of my second favorite number, Egypt, Satanism, the illuminati, self-help, and a lot more

—

Again, if you’d like more words delivered to your inbox, monthly, you can sign up for my letter with this link.

[mebeingserious]

(c.) End 2012 - Early 2013

- - #1

#Based On A You Story. Blinking cursor.

Peep my Doogie Howser blue screen. Peep my blue light. No bloc festivities, streamers, or tails to pin anything on. Pin that shit on yourself, B. Take responsibility.

“Pin The Tail” had a Max B verse on the original. Do with that knowledge what you will if what you will do is reimburse me for my strong miscellany-fact-brain game. I refined it through the arthritis of those on my personal Mt. Rushmore.

I’m unknowable, really. You should get to un-know me.

And it was an inside job, btw. Egged on by the peanut gallery, flipped the switch, gave you a parachute and some mumble-mumble about how the chlorophyll’s gonna be stunning.

I’m just another human cat, word to Grass Green. Don’t treat me like the grassy knoll. Leave them stones turnt all the way down.

But that “you” isn’t you, that’s you’s on you’s on you’s. UUU, if you will. Gotta not have it.

New swatch alert. Here. Peep the texture and the hues. That’s the interior.

Cam’ron in a Utah Jazz throwback staring back at me through a phone’s reflection. [||]. You right, you right.

Captain Quirk but the Captain Crunch Dog at the same damn time. Pretend it’s two months ago, though.

Your last.fm recent plays leave you vulnerable, if you think about it. I thought about it.

I need to remind myself I don’t do this for the little or the big dunns. Everyone needs to get their Lex Luger on from time to time. B.Y. Before Yokozuna.

So I say that to say this: “Can’t call it, might spoil it”

Performing tune-ups with some VBRs and possibly, 192s. You can only crash so many planes before you start frisking yourself in the airport.

Further and farther are in full effect. But then I remember “that’s when the money starts running” and Stoicism, and put it in hands I once knocked down.

- - #2

Spot ‘em, got ‘em. I got dirt on you, doggie.

But God made dirt and dirt bust your ass.

Or my ass. I know too much. Internal Spy vs. Spy.

I saw those stars. Had my radars up. Tangible air.

One minute it’s in the constellations, the next sixty-seconds it’s a “Superthug” if.

Hella.

No, not you. The other. But you? You’re putting together a 150-piece in the dark.

Me? S.O.L. S.O.S. But I’m like Private Ryan. So you can save that.

Oh wait, I forgot that motherfucker survived.

Anyways, haardships.

My window’s been closed but at least I have a window. But it’s lowkey amazing that a window is even a thing.

I just did what Game did with the coaching of the fat producer on ironing Dickies. But you don’t hear me, doe.

Do you hear me, doe? This is the Gawd.

He doesn’t take requests but he’ll play me, though.

But really, I did that. Sorta like what Kane said on “The Symphony.”

Anyways, indecision.

He who hesitates in peace is even worse.

The pyramids didn’t get built by throwing stones or sitting on them. But I fucked up when I entertained the E.T. theory.

I’m the man now, dog. But really, without the seven you’re not Sean Connery. You’re just…

Anyways, alternate universes. That exist in shared thought bubbles.

But that’s the only place they ever existed, nah?

But let’s thought experiment. Does that outcome satisfy?

Or is it just better than hearing a single echo against drywall?

I can give you advice on farther but my track record is a stumble out the blocks paired with a horizontal starting gun, finished off with a somersault. 1.0 - 1.0 - 1.0

Got gotted and spotted.

Need is whatever you think it is.

But try to take my arm and leg and I might be that shoe with the band between the big toe.

You can have a symphony composed of c-notes in that porcelain but if you don’t embrace that internal Hammer … well. Basslines don’t come across well in sign.

You can go on and be Big L’s Rocafella debut, but you don’t know voodoo.

But tangible is good. I mean, Tough Luv holds up pretty well eight years later.

I guess I misunderstood that originally. Or I tried to understand too soon. He was right when he said “…or rather me.”

- - #3

The last verse on “Pyramids” without the sonic context.

Strikes Back. In the Empire. They say it’s their favorite flick.

Swore my hand waved to me as it fell, in that “Hi, Hater” motion.

Took off that mask and it was a mirror. No disrespect but there’s truth to it.

Anton Chigurh in the guidance counselor’s office basically saying “heads or tails.”

Saw it with the old man. In the alt. section of the universe it was Batman Returns.

Trying to lucid dream about the Northwest in 1996, but I’m better off sleeping. And peeping those trees with the date emblazoned in a reddish orange beneath their stumps.

Subsidized Napoleon complex had me fighting on the wrong side. Got did like Waterloo.

Manila envelopes addressed to that British newspaper. Don’t you know this is the Empire?

Telepathy returned to sender.

Heard “boo” from that pocket-sized frame.

But ghosts only come for your wig when you turn your back.

“Whoa” ain’t me, that’s Black Rob.

Speaking of that song…

Come to terms with endearment.

You chose the ball and you joined me in breadth.

Another one chewing dead skin, dirt particles and textile fibers.

Carly Simon. Bet.

What came first, the wound or the egg that provided the shells that were stuck in the soles?

South West here like Northern OH. Something something “talent.”

Indecisive travel agent that forgot to build a plane.

I saw the white plates, the blue plates, and now they’re yellow. i.e. I’ve seen the Empire crumble.

Let an ocean talk for me.

What the fuck is portamento? Not worth it.

Waking up to a foreign vocabulary test. Appealing. No comprende.

Opted-in because I was loyal to the wrong things. Minus the fuckboy-isms.

He was the Pookie of venlafaxine.

Caesar: Judas.

Conversational anesthesia. Was on that Freud shit.

Liked the yellow yoshi that stomped and the one with wings.

And you can tell a lot about a man by how he uses a warp whistle. Button on the VCR.

Meant to hear Tiến Quân Ca in person but couldn’t. If he saw the inland, I wouldn’t.

Lucas Arts revisionist tip. Script = flipped. And now…

Telling the emperor “We don’t need to see all that.” I’ll say it.

And maybe worth it. But no capitulation. The sign fixed.

- Carly.

“You, Me, Him and Her” gets played twice.

The first one’s near Luxor, prolly.

Gut snitched.

Us couldn’t stop dreaming, then I couldn’t get to sleep. Both.

“I fuck around and have you sleeping underneath something”

But that last verse, though.

- - #4

Pop culture hustling and cocaine references are the way to my heart. My heart is sullen and abandoned; full of un-shatterable Pyrex-brand measuring cups.

Or is it. Racially ambiguous inquisition. Internal. In-terminal, I keep ticking. So, maybe occupied.

Don’t knock it. I’m taking out this time. To compose choppy sentences that stop before they start because I’m so non-fiction I might call myself Tumblr Game Tom Wolfe.

Looking back, YN really inspired me with his Letters From The Editor. But nah to that “Ha!”

Flirting with disaster because she sent me a flick. Y’all are too literal. Down to the ‘I’m so crazy.’

Meanings on top of meanings. Princess and the Pea. That now archaic Jay-Z and Kanye interplay. References need a new hard drive. They’re making that grindin’, too busy to stay up-to-date sound.

I’m not looking at your dues, I’m looking past you. Why are ghosts see-through but you can’t see through what you can see.

Peter Piper was too fucking picky. End of story. Citing Antwan Patton in MLA style. If you want the references, you gotta pay for this. I accept Juelz. Pay the pause forward.

Subtle is my subtitle. You can read or watch. An internet quiz will tell you what that means for you and your personality.

John on the run eating. But wasn’t gaining.

Acting like shenanigans in loosie, but there was no explaining.

No, no, no. I’m not you, rapper.

Jesus H. Pylori. The church of disrupted insulin function and latter day faints.

Glue where the flex be. Vampires that never heard about the smallpox blankets. Paul’s Boutique sample count. Dust, brother. Trying not to bite down.

That admittance, and the small BIC. Alluhdat.

Three letters. Now I feel alluhdat.

Maybe knowing in retrospect is the win. Like when they extend those legs and and hold their hands in a state-enforced half-hearted semi-prayer position saying “I hope this provides closure for your family.”

A & B convos. Split-tests. More like a two and eight.

Good things surface for those that hold elevators. Or something.

Lost the top about fitty-leven times. No lojack. Find it, then repeat. Dementia. Kojack.

No lolli. Point the finger, no Rollie. No handle, no bars. Just folly.

Was on that “If I die, I die.” Life Game Ivan Drago.

Try to be a fatalist. Unexciting Mortal Kombat finishers.

Marcus Aurelius darts onto the screen to kill the opponent with mercy.

No hip hop genius to help you. Y’all Nah Right sidebar. Newsy. Your quotient can’t save thee. Or thou. Or you. Let’s say you.

Because I’m like Jason Bourne asking himself about that one birthday party when he was an age that gets spelled out by the Associated Press. Hope unseen sequels don’t kill my simile.

We’re all trying to live facsimile’s meaning if you said it quick. Gender neutral, though.

Don’t, doe.

Because reflection requires dedication. Three’s ain’t always charming. There’s precedent. See the millionaire trying to kickflip.

I’m not a walking version of the back of the teacher’s edition history/sociology/psychology combo cost-saving textbook.

Slight of hand. Converse with it.

Phonte’s monologues on the last two from Get Back.

That’s the point. Nipsey Russell.

[mebeingserious]

Most Played Music of 2016

[mebeingserious]

The Songs of 2016 That Made Me Feel Things

I didn't listen to a ton of music this year. I know it hurt 2011, unemployed me, but it helped 2016, I have some obligations me. But what did get played, and enjoyed, stuck around for a while. And the longer something sticks around in your life, the more feelings you'll have for it. Cats, humans, or provocative one-liners in autotune. What follows are the songs that made me feel things, immediately and after a listen or three.

Songs That Made Me Feel Religious

As someone that long ago gave up gluten, and long before that, gave up eating communion wafers, I didn't expect 2016 to bring any element of religion back into my life. But in February, when 'The Life of Pablo' iteration 1 was released, it came to have some words with me. "Ultralight Beam," a phrase the could lead you to imagine the technological opposite of the Death Star's world-killing laser, brought me to a point where I could interact with something like The Bible again without being forced to by my mother. It just so happened that this element of religion re-entered my life as I sought out conspiracy theory content to entertain myself (here's one about Kanye's SNL performance). 

This religiosity flame was stoked in May when Chance The Rapper released 'Coloring Book' and gave us songs like "How Great" with its "am I listening to gospel, or a rap song?" chorus. Ultimately, the "I can talk about bleached assholes and the being that curved Cain, minutes apart" appealed to me, a person with layers, just like most of the rest of you. All of these things led me to actually ordering a new copy of 'The New American Bible' on Amazon, 2.5 years after I threw my last one in the trash (and not because Bible scholars frown upon that particular translation). 2016 was a good reminder that faith can be complicated, and that you can still have it, even after throwing a fuck or two into your sentences.

Songs That Made Me Feel Triumphant

'Purple Reign' rang out in my apartment, every Saturday, for months. The songs were like mantras I would focus my attention on to achieve an elevated weekend state. And "Drippin (How U Luv That)" was key to these states. Its ebb and flow made me want to belt out the same notes Future was hitting. It's flipping your light switch on and off furiously in the form of a song. It intensifies and then calms. The only thing that could've made it more special was a remix featuring the Sauce Twinz.

"No Problem" on the other hand, was enjoyed, but didn't fully resonate until Memorial Day. When after getting my money's worth of bottomless mimosas, I came home and echoed the most joyful threats put on a beat all year. All in all, both songs likely elevated my testosterone in ways that discredited "power poses" never could.

Songs That Made Me Feel Disgusted

The Game's "True Colors / It's On." If you've heard it, you should already know.

Songs That Made Me Feel Conflicted

I was a proponent of 'Savage Mode' when it dropped. It was one of my favorite producers of the moment and a guy that correctly chose to deliver his words in a very relaxed matter that fit the music well, regardless of what he was actually saying. "No Heart" was heads and shoulders, and knife tattoos above the rest on the album, and the whole affair got respectable burn from me. But then one day I see 21 Savage on stage with Bankroll Fresh's murderer (a rapper I still haven't gotten around to giving enough time) seemingly telling him to announce to the crowd that he killed Bankroll Fresh.

I'm many years away from my most ignorant, and as I'm nearing 30, I'm just not excited about people boasting about murder. Music with cartoonish threats of gun violence will still be played by me, but they don't hit the same spot they did as a teenager. And it's all much easier to stomach when it's fictional instead of real life giggling in a club over a life that's lost. It all makes me think of something I said on twitter, that often runs through my mind. I'm sure I'll listen to 21 Savage in the future, just like watching Jay-Z mush a woman's face never made me stop playing his music. But its just a reminder that you don't always want to be friends with the people that entertain you.

Also included under the conflicted list: Every Kanye and Future song.

Songs That Made Me Feel Celebratory

On New Year's Eve 2015, I drank a much too expensive bottle of champagne that put money in Beyonce's husband's pocket, watched fireworks from the roof of my building, and listened to the newly released Future and Weeknd song, "Low Life." And I did it enough times that you'd think my father caught me playing it and prescribed me the outdated "smoke this whole carton if you want to be a man and smoke cigarettes" punishment. I wish I could tell you how many times I heard "military" rhymed with "military," but I don't really want to visit last.fm and face that kind of knowledge.

Songs That Made Me Feel Regretful

The time I was wrong about a song, album, or artist that stands out most to me, was the first time I heard Bat For Lashes, and didn't "get it" until giving "What's A Girl To Do" another listen at a later date. This year, a couple songs stick in my mind, for different reasons. The first was Lil Uzi Vert's "All My Chains" which after hearing caused me to think a guy from Philly that I thought was from Atlanta, was trying to make his own Chief Keef record. I mentioned something about the similarity on twitter, and the song's producer took offense (the song is still reminiscent of Mr. Keef, btw). But I grew to really enjoy it, as well as all of the subsequent songs filled with exuberant "yeah!"'s.

The other song, which really reinforced how effective repeated exposure is in making you enjoy something, was Kanye's "Facts." I panned it when it first dropped. Still would have rather heard Future over the music. But the remix on 'TLOP' made it grow on me, with how much I played that album. While it's still funny to hear Kanye claim his sneakers usurped Michael Jordan's, and while I still hate hearing him ask if anyone feels bad for Bill Cosby, we do have him asking which couch he should pick, which turned into an oft-repeated line my household. So, I guess it's not all bad.

Songs That Got Me In My Feelings

When I first heard "Max & Chinx / Paid For" it hit me in a different way than it might for others. With a friend in prison serving 15 years, and a friend that was shot and killed, I understood the dynamic behind French Montana's song a little more than your average person. And as I was writing a letter to my friend Jalil when the album leaked, it served as the background music. And since you're here reading this now, if you'd like to talk music or life, here's Jalil's address, he'd love to hear from you:

Jalil Miles 11B0319 Coxsackie Correctional Facility PO Box 999 Coxsackie, NY 12051-0999

---

Frank Ocean built stairs, and then he dropped "Nikes" and all I heard was about how it was tumblr in the form of a music video, which has some accuracy to it. That description (or criticism?) helped me understand why I loved it. The fact that I heard the song for the first time paired with the visuals, and not as some mp3 uploaded to your nearest illicit link repository made it mean a little more. I enjoyed the video version of the song so much, with its pitched down shoutouts, that I would sync up my mp3 with the video, to get the best of both of worlds (meaning, I was able to accurately record how many times I played it with last.fm (yes, I'm one of the eight people still using last.fm)).

What did I love about it? Well, the beat could've doubled as the soundtrack to a slow dance in the 1950s high school sock hop of an alternate dimension. And "demons trying to body jump" resonated with me for a reason or two. I also appreciated Carmelo's search for an NBA championship being used as an analogy for a woman wanting marriage (or at least the trappings that come with that level of commitment). If you're ever in need of a trance, just put "Nikes" on repeat, and see where it takes you, because it took me some places.

---

'Moonlight'. What else is there to say about the film. It affected me. And there's no other moment that better encapsulates the whole of my two experiences with it than the 'learning how to swim' scene that was backed by Nicholas Britell's "The Middle of the World." My childhood bubbled up when those strings started playing. So much so that I actually bought a movie soundtrack in 2016.

Songs That Made Me Feel It Was Real Scary Hours

When I was led to a dance studio with my girlfriend to support her coworker, who was performing, I didn't know it was a pole dance studio. And I also didn't know the first performer was going to be a gay guy dancing to Rihanna's "Needed Me." And once the routine started, I realized that I didn't know DJ Mustard produced the song. So, there was a whole lot of not knowing, which led me to the realization that it was actually a great song. And listening to the lyrics made me afraid for Drake. The woman singer that used to have great tweets back when 50 Cent was taking out the garbage for his grandmother, was merely adopting the role men in rap songs have long played. But there was a level of sincerity in her voice, paired with her reputation that proceeded her like a gown that you need an assistant to carry as you walk the red carpet of an award show. And I believed every bar. Someone check on whoever she's involved with know, has been involved with, or will be involved with. This is the answer to Hall & Oates' "Maneater" about 35 years later, like Roxanne Shante responded to U.T.F.O.

Songs that Made Me Feel Inspired

I saw the tail end of Kevin Gates' performance on my birthday, April 20th, and it made me a fan. Upon listening to 'Islah', "Two Phones" infected my mind. Not enough to ever try to get a woman to interact with a dog the way Kevin once did, but enough that I continually replaced the word "phones" with whatever noun was on my mind at any given time. The greatest compliment I can give to an artist is to incorporate their lyrics into any nonsensical sentence I can use in my relationship. So, thank you, Kevin.

---

And I thank all the rest of these artists for making the soundtrack to my year.

[mebeingserious]

I’ve got LOTS to say about this subject. Plan on writing a lot in 2017.

[mebeingserious]

BIG mood

[mebeingserious]

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Assumptions

Kanye West was admitted to UCLA Medical Center on 11/21/16. And in the weeks that followed we were bombarded with theories, stories, accusations and a ton of people that sounded very sure of themselves, spouting off about the state of the rapper that once recorded a hit song while his mouth was wired to the point that he couldn't eat solid food. Not that his mouth is a key feature of this story, just that we want to remind ourselves about who exactly we're talking about in a way that's a little visual.

But the solid things that the audience seems to find difficult to swallow are the facts that don't seem to give us a concrete picture of what happened. And honestly, it's none of your damn business, no matter how many dollars you've spent on CDs, MP3s, or concert tickets. And besides that, there's really no way to know.

Art can tell us a lot about an artist, or any human that makes art but doesn't label themselves as an artist. But it doesn't tell us everything. When Kanye rapped about being "off his Lexapro" it became easy to interpret his behavior as a failure to adhere to prescribed dosing, but remember, you really don't know shit. You don't know if he was prescribed or if it was his ghostwriter's experience. You don't know if he was prescribed, why his prescriber decided upon Lexapro. You don't know how those chemicals played with the circuitry inside his head. You're taking the words of man that rapped about getting bleached asshole stains on himself as indisputable evidence.

Recently, we've seen a blonde Kanye share photo opportunities with Donald Trump. It's reason to say "what the fuck?" And you can feel any way about that, or about him complimenting Tyga on taking the long view about getting in a relationship with a girl under 18, or any other questionable or abborhent thing Kanye West has done, but you still don't know shit. And I know it's hard to accept that you really don't know shit, but I assure you, it's important to remember you're grasping at straws, lyrics, images, symbols, and whatever else to figure out why another human is doing what he's doing.

Everything is speculation. Maybe Mr. West is adhering to the 48 Laws of Power. Maybe his main goal is to accumulate influence over other bodies of fluid encased in flesh. He wouldn't be the first. But maybe there's something else to it.

There's a term called "anosognosia." It's equated to not knowing you're ill. You can look at the famous rapper's behavior and say he knows not what he does. You can even be very sure of yourself. But it's all speculation. I find it hard to put all my faith in years of medical school, but those that make it as doctors have accumulated some knowledge that hasn't reached you. And I believe it's important to keep that in mind.

I don't know all of the ways doctors are trained, but I know it's not by browsing crazymeds.us and message boards. And there's a downside and upside to that. Hearing from many people that have taken a medication, or have experienced the distortions that come with a particular mental illness is invaluable. But believing that because you know that, you're an expert, is foolish. And there's much wrong with the diagnosis criteria that currently exists, but if you're simply going by that, I hope you know you're on the same ground future sinkholes are on. Watching someone's from twitter makes you a speculator once you attach your theories to their words and behaviors. And if you never interacted with a person in real life, for an extended period of time, it's even worse. I suppose that's why we should put more stock in someone like Rhymefest's words on the man who is the topic of this discussion. But even that's not enough to speak definitively. What's definitive? I could say "have years of experience dealing with people that have benefited from your assumptions" but besides that, I'd say "go through it yourself." You'll never get a clean answer. And that's the point. Always question yourself.

What should you do? Pray for the guy. Or do the agnostic or atheist version and just hope really hard that he pulls through and out of whatever he's been going through. And do the same for everyone else. Mental illness isn't something you can sleep off. Positive thinking, meditation, and whatever else is very helpful when you've already achieved a foundation of health you could build upon. If you don't have that, it's only a little helpful. Here's a gem to remember: don't be too proud, or too stubborn to get some chemical assistance. And when you get to a stable level, invest in those habits, routines, and behaviors that can pay off in the long run. And please, shut the fuck up, and ask yourself some questions. And ask other people some questions, before you speak definitively on the state of another human being in this thing we call life. Do help when you can, but do not believe for a second you know 100% why someone is doing what they're doing. You don't know shit. Like most.

[mebeingserious]

This article is great. Helps explain why we enjoy so many things, from music to machines. Just read it.

[mebeingserious]

Half Moon

Saw ‘Moonlight’ tonight.

Hit home

Pairs well with ‘Blonde’ given the one prevailing theme

Pairs well with my life given the theme of fatherhood, or the lack of it

2007 was a special year

Found my father

Surprisingly, it wasn’t Mahershala Ali

It was what I needed, though

That weekend of searching and phone calls altered my life

A father’s wisdom is one gained with plasma, the loss of electrolytes, and liquid pain

Blood, sweat and tears

Where I’d be at 29 without someone that came up with half of my DNA, in the country I came up in, is downright scary

But it still feels like I was put through an exercise necessary for me to breathe the air we’re fed

Low income public housing is something I’ll never disown

It made me

Seeing a bag of cocaine on the pavement

Seeing a woman shot into paralysis by her soon to be dead husband

Alcoholism viewed as a bug and ear on the wall

It all made me who I am

It’s what makes me want to turn my life into a conduit for those that have seen the same

Everyone is looking for meaning in their lives

My meaning is to survive, be comfortable, and give back

Maslow was on to something

They always said you gotta look out for number one

Ain’t no two if one don’t exist

Never stop growing, though

We get one life that we know of

And that life is shared by all of us, at different times

[mebeingserious]

Return of The Mach

Got "Pursuit of Happiness" on repeat. When people put a common sentiment into a song it usually has positive results. It makes people do things like vibe out aka indluging late at night in your feelings. Music makes people do things, like contemplate the state of their life. It's special like that. I just asked myself what if I actually moved to Utah in 2009 or whatever. I ended up in the mountain states anyway. I ask myself what if I ended up in central Florida in 2009 or so, like I was supposed to. I wonder what would've happened if I stayed in Austin in 2010. What if I enjoyed driving. One of my favorite Common songs is the one where they just ask questions. I think it's called "Questions." Don't Google that. Jadakiss has the classic, "Why," of course. Now, 'Liquid Swords' is on. I bought this album from Music City around the same time I bought 'The Portable Machiavelli'. It's sad, but Machiavelli should probably be required reading for any kid growing up in the projects, like I did. The lessons are important, if only to protect yourself. Jay-Z saying "He who hesitates is lost" rings in my head to this day. Me and my history teacher in the 10th grade had a moment around Niccolo. Fat Joe saying "I'd rather be feared than loved, because the fear lasts longer" rang in my head for quite a long time too. Thing is, too many young people end up applying strategy to the worst things. But I guess that's better than doing the worst things with no strategy. At 16 I proudly called myself Machiavellian. At 29, I prefer balance. Agnostic in a lot of ways. Shoutout to that photo of GZA playing chess in the 'Liquid Swords' album art. I've never played chess. Make of that what you will.

[mebeingserious]

I On Writing, 2016

Andre called me tonight. Ferrer did too. NXNW. I don't know what these writers be saying, man. I'm ignorant. Just a kid from the projects. Seen writing described as "intimate and evocative" and it didn't compute. Most writing and thinking about writing I've done this year was pertaining to my friend in prison. I guess this is why I stopped calling myself a writer. These other people study all the granularities. They read all the novels. They took all the classes. They got credentialed up. I read non-fiction. Paul Beatty was the aberration. I prefer poets to novelists, and poets that write novels to "writers" that write them. I don't like the stuffiness. I don't like the inaccessibility and inside baseball. What's gonna drive my writing in 2016 is the drive for capital. I love human psychology and marketing the way these writers love reading stories from Junot Diaz, Murakami, or whoever is hot in these streets lined with a bunch of Burgess Meredith's as Henry Bemis' with extra prescription glasses in the cut. I want to make money. Not for the sake of it, but for the freedom it provides. I want this life. I'm good on the Pulitzer. What happens to a writer that gets told they're a good writer, before they deserve it, is they think it's always gonna be there. But like that other Andre said, you're only as funky as your last cut. And it's easy to stay on the canvas when you think you already won something. I don't get creative in my journal. Feel like my creativity was chemically suppressed, but that's the easy way out. It's like saying a rapper gotta be hooked on whatever took Actavis' place in order to make good music. Part of my stance is based on my aversion to just accepting my brain won't make the same connections it used to. But I'll take being less impressed with my writing to ruining a carpet of a family member. Maybe my goals with writing never really changed, just the execution and practice, or lack thereof. It was always about carving a path for myself, as well as doing something I'm proud of. Expressing myself as well, but that could do without me dressing up the words I tap out with similes, metaphors and any other prettiness. So, there's something extra there. And I'mma figure all this out, sooner or later.

[mebeingserious]

“I Like That” *Puffy Voice* #2: ‘Purple Reign’ Over ‘EVOL’

Future's album, 'EVOL', dropped last night and caused the mass of people that panned 'Purple Reign' to rejoice and claim that he rebounded. I wasn't one of those people, because 'Purple Reign' actually hit the spot for me when it was released. Last night’s addition to his legacy? Not really. But why.

I tried to think about the answer to this during a pleasant jog through downtown, and all I came up with are educated guesses. It could be I just like the beats better, which is true. 'EVOL' has far too many of the wrong guitars for me, including the closer, "Fly Shit Only," which would've been the appropriate song for an Aaron Lewis guest hook or verse. Also, being from NY state, my history impacts how I approach certain rap music. I can't help myself from imagining a 50 Cent feature on an imaginary remix to "Never Forget." It's a bit of the nostalgia ever-present in me. 'Purple Reign' just sounds more geared to my NY mind. There's pianos and strings, which have been instruments incorporated into many a NY classic. I was raised on "Who Shot Ya" and "24 Hours To Live." Not to mention, the first rap song I ever taped off of my television on My First Sony, "Gangstas Paraidse." I like menacing, melodic, and moody beats. Pardon me.

I also just think there's more to the lyrics on 'Purple Reign' than 'EVOL'. To bring up "Never Forget" again, he talks about selling his aunt drugs and missing her funeral. He says "I need better thoughts, I need better vibes" on "Perkys Calling" which is relatable to anyone currently trudging through seasonal affective disorder melancholy. He says "If you care about her, put her in designer" on "Drippin." Is there anything more appropriate for the cuffing season the internet puts itself through and propagates every winter? The hooks on 'EVOL' just don't inspire me to repeat after them, as well. It was also suggested to me that 'Purple Reign' is most similar to my favorite Future project, 'Monster'.

So, to sum up what I'm learning about my tastes: The right ivory plinking in a melody and string section reverberating can increase exponentially my enjoyment of a rap album. As well as hearing lyrics over these things that include perfect sentiments for late night weekend tweets. And seeing as 'Purple Reign' has a title-track equivalent (or as close as you might come) of "Codeine Crazy" from 'Monster', I'm also a fan of sequels, even if they're only sequels in spirit. All of us enjoy things that remind us of things we loved in the past, and I'm in that “all.”

[mebeingserious]

“I Like That” *Puffy Voice* #1: DJ Mustard’s “Whole Lotta Lovin”

This is the first, in what should be many, hopefully brief posts about why I like an album or song. Just doing it to get a better sense of what I like and dislike with music.

It's very, very hard to mess up a song with pianos. You're an accomplished fuck-up if you manage to do so. But things get complicated when you add Travis Scott to the mix, because in the back of my mind there's always this moral tug happening, reminding me that he's been accused of stealing the steez and work of other artists, wholesale. It's not at the level of R. Kelly being on tape having sex with minors, no doubt, but it's still an integrity thing that makes me shake my head a little when I enjoy his music. It's why I personally won’t ever pay to see them perform, or buy their music. But a good song is a good song. And "Whole Lotta Lovin" is one to me.

It'd be remiss of me to not mention, this is a DJ Mustard song, with a guy that puts a dollar sign in his name as the feature. And Mustard brings us the logical evolution of his EDM immersion that we began to see on things like "Don't Tell 'Em." It's essentially a stereotypical Mustard beat with EDM break downs book-ending each verse. And I feel like it provides enough variety throughout that everyone that criticizes the man for his basic-ness could shut up for just a moment. I'm not waiting for "Mustard on the beat, hoe" to appear on some elaborate concerto, like it seems some listeners are. So, that's something I appreciate. That it's atypical, at least for Mustard, if not in the grand scheme of things.

And it's effective. One thing Travis Scott is talented at is making things catchy. Even if some of that catchiness is co-opted. And even if you took out your magnifying tele-periscope and examined his lyrics only to find that they're truly mundane, and reminiscent of sentences you would have wrote if you had a phone to text girls with in high school (I was born in the 80s). But I imagine no one in this song's target market would like to be bombarded with Aesop Rock lyrics, while they're rolling on molly. Hearing "clean logic procreation" through autotune wouldn't drive many to dance or drink. The more I talk about this, though, the more I kinda would like DJ Mustard to toss just one beat to the Hellfyre Club.

Anyways, that's why I like this song. Because pianos in dance music are always good, because Travis Scott harmonizes simple lyrics better than some other rappers that try, and because I'm generally a DJ Mustard apologist. But thinking about this song so much probably makes me like it just a bit less. Maybe this year-long process will give me an additional reason to never pursue writing about music as a job.

[mebeingserious]

The 5 Best Books I Read In 2015

1) 'Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion' by Robert Cialdini, (Revised Edition) 2006, (Originally) 1984

"The idea of potential loss plays a large role in human decision making. In fact, people seem to be more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value."

I had read summaries of this book years ago, and thought that was enough. That I didn't need all those other words that get sandwiched around the main points. When I finally got around to it, I learned how wrong I was. This book has information that every human should understand. Every morsel of research mentioned helps you understand better how we, as humans, operate. It's how people, businesses, and governments get us to agree with them, hand over our green presidential headshots, or put potential future green presidential headshots in office. Getting a grasp of the subject matter can help you in every area of life, and also help you defend yourself, or at least recognize when these fundamentals are being used on you. It's about as close as you'll get to required reading as an adult.

2) 'The White Boy Shuffle' by Paul Beatty, 1996

"It occurred to me that maybe poems are like colds. Maybe I would feel a poem coming on. My chest would grow heavier, my eyes watery; my body temperature would fluctuate, and a ringing in my ears would herald the coming of a timeless verse."

This is the story of a poet. And I got Yukio Mishima vibes from it (and revisiting my notes informs me that there's indeed mention of Mishima in the second-half of the book). This was the second book I ever read by the author, but his first novel. And really, it's like Nas dropping 'Illmatic' as the first piece of work to his name. That this was his debut is remarkable. Note the remark. It makes you feel things. It reminded me what growing up feels like. And thinking about it again also makes me think about mental health and mental illness. As long as I live long enough, I'll return to this book again one day.

3) 'The Sellout' by Paul Beatty, 2015

"Then we’d die and go into worldwide syndication like all good American families."

I didn't know who Paul Beatty was before I learned of this book through the now jersey-retired-in-the-rafters podcast, Do You Like Prince Movies?, which still didn't prepare me for how much it affected me, and how much I enjoyed it. I laughed on the bus more than once, during my commute to work reading it in July. And I really v, v rarely laugh at books, so "more than once" is an accomplishment. Mostly, this book made me jealous. It's just so smart. The author is a poet, and you can tell. I wish he was on twitter, really, because everything here is pithy and witty, and there's a lot of truth to every word said. It makes you think. And isn't that what a book should do?

4) 'The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It' by Kelly McGonigal, 2013

"People who first remember a time when they acted generously give 60 percent less money to a charitable request."

I didn't technically read this book. I listened to it. It's extremely valuable whatever way you get it into your head. It's not a book you just read and say "that's nice" and go back to retweeting "ma, your MCM ..." jokes, it gives you actionable things to make yourself a more effective person. It's a book about human psychology mixed with self-help. And I know that self-help is frowned upon by some, for some fair and unfair reasons, but if you're a human, you've had willpower problems before. And the more you understand about how your brain works the better off you'll be.

Here’s some very good book notes if you want an idea of what to expect.

5) 'Writing Tools' by Roy Peter Clark, 2008

"My high school English teacher, Father Horst, taught us two important things about the reading and writing of literature. The first was that if a wall appears in a story, chances are it's "more than just a wall." But, he was quick to add, when it comes to powerful writing, a "symbol" need not be a "cymbal." Subtlety is a writer's virtue."

I was gifted a physical copy of this book years ago, and because of my Kindle, I'm pretty allergic to books of paper most of the time. So, I finally got myself a Kindle copy of this, read it, and felt smarter for having done it. Some of what's contained may be obvious to you, some you may already practice, some may be obvious and yet you still don't practice, nonetheless, there's valuable stuff here if you're doing any writing at all. At the end of every chapter you're given homework, and I'd suggest you do it, lest you end up like me, someone that hasn't consciously applied a whole lot from what I read in this one. But then again, I haven't written a whole lot this year either. So, if you'd like to make something of this, you might want to do that whole writing consistently thing.

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OK. That's all I have for you. If you want to add me on Goodreads, or Shelfari, knock yourself out.

[mebeingserious]

I worry that moving my head and looking at the laptop screen from a slightly different angle will kill off any vibe I'm trying to nurse into a full blown mood. It's not unusual for me. In the past, and still, from time to time in the present, I try to avoid derailing trains of thought from their tracks to maintain a feeling that's sustaining me in some way, or empowering me, or giving me hope. It's like a child in a horror movie hiding under their covers, repeatedly saying "it's all gonna be OK" in the presence of an evil spirit. You're trying to maintain a rhythm that's positive to you in some way. You read a word on a page, or had a thought pop up in your brain, and you want that to continue. It's probably why I like to habitually do things, and have a pattern of behavior that I turn to for structure in my day-to-day life. I try to create a momentum to carry me through. I try to maintain a good "vibe."

But good vibes are fleeting, and it's probably much more beneficial to you, especially in the long-term, if you manage to deal with and thrive in being off-balance. The word is "resilient." Having that sort of resilience is something people seek out in the literature of the stoics, and for good reason. There's a bevy of jewels from those thinkers that you can glean, and absorb into your behaviors and actions. There's a researcher, I believe from Stanford, that recommends that you tell yourself stress is actually excitement, so you handle it in a more effective way. I have some experience with this, and it works to an extent. If you change your behavior, you can change your thoughts. That's fairly well-known. But despite that, it's still a bit difficult to not want to keep up a feeling like a fire you're feeding with the contents of your home. But ultimately, preparing for the end of that feeling and how you'll bounce back from change is always gonna be the better option. It's why if you're a slave to "writer's block" you're going to struggle to write when your mind isn't falling in line, and giving you its full cooperation. So, basically, don't be a slave to the "right" feeling, or moment.