mediocrity-and-moral-ambiguity - Tumblr blog

[mediocrity-and-moral-ambiguity]

[mediocrity-and-moral-ambiguity]

[mediocrity-and-moral-ambiguity]

When you gotta get rid of all the marble penises in your house

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“fish fear me” I went to the lake and none of them knew you.

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People have been to the moon and youre telling me they still cant make a cigarette thats good for you. like why do we even have science then

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Today I worked a birthday party as Elsa for a 4 year old and since my company isn’t like a legit Disney company I can say whatever the f I want and here’s an excerpt of a convo I had

4y/o: why can’t you use your ice powers?

Me: I’m not allowed to here

4y/o: why not?

Me: because your government told me I couldn’t while I’m visiting, it was part of my work visa

Maybe I should stop saying everything that comes into my brain while I’m working but I like to think that she’ll suddenly be interested in immigration visas and I somehow turned her into a future activist

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Got a hinge message saying “whatcha up to” which I read while my phone was on the floor next to my feet as I struggled to produce a urine sample at the doctors office. Should I tell him that?

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Me after filling out the forms at the doctors office: “these pens are SO nice, do they get stolen a lot?”

Girl behind desk: “Yeah… *whispers* you can take it if you want”

Me: “……YES thank you so much”

It’s the little things.

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The point of officially naming a pet is not to actually use that name but to have a baseline from which to come up with every conceivable nickname to call them instead.

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i know that it has some bad implications but when evil mirror versions of characters are hotter and sluttier than their original counterparts to show that they have no morals and are not to be trusted it's always kind of funny to me. like. what would you even do if you met your alternate self and they obviously get more pussy than you. how are you supposed to act about that.

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Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

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GUYS I JUST SAW THIS ON TWITTER AND I AM DYING

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The only way I can journal is if I am working towards a punchline, so I want you to know that my little diary? It’s absolutely HILARIOUS it could be it’s own Netflix special but god DAMN is it a mentally ill set

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do you love the color of the sky: abridged version

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The most satisfying sound known to man

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Sometimes on dating apps these days I feel like a long form comic in a short form world, you know? Like no one ever wants to commit to the bit or hear all the details of long form comedy with me, they wanna hit you with a dad joke pick up like and then small talk and I’m over here like, I don’t want to know a single fact about you until I know that you can riff on a silly little joke with me