megumi-rabbit

[megumi-rabbit]

I like the fact that

You can never be mine.

That means there won't be this

Passion-killing sense of familiarity.

Your tender respect for me

Will never wane.

My kisses will never be taken

For granted.

You'll never stop catching

My every word,

As if the sounds coming through my lips

Are heaven's symphony.

And I will never take your touch,

Your craving for

My body and soul

As my right

As your woman.

Because I'm not.

And if there is

A beaten wish

Within the darkest corners

Of our hearts

To belong to one another,

Let's push it down,

Tear it apart,

Let's stomp it out,

Cover it with sand,

For it to never get up

From its knees,

For it to never rear

Its head,

For it to never sprout

And bloom

Into a bloody fruit

Of utter destruction.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

I dreamt there was a man, whom I liked.

And at some point he confessed that he noticed me 7 years ago and loved me ever since.

He didn't make any advances on me because he respected my choices of living a different type of life.

He treasured me.

The way he spoke with me, the way he touched me, the way he listened to me, the way he acted towards me, all those things were precious and more real than anything I'd ever experienced in the waking world.

When I awoke, I carried the love I received in my dream within me.

I knew instantly that the world around me would never be the same anymore, for now I knew that I was deserving of being loved.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

This is a work of fiction. Messages to a distant non-existent friend.

Will your inner thoughts become reality if you put them into words? Is that why I let them slide into inexistence and dissipate? Or is it because I don't want them to have consequences and disturb a fragile balance of my daily life?

I'm writing this to you my distant non-existent friend since I know, you won't be affected by anything I have to say. There is no attachment or emotion involved, there is no need to be careful of hurting your feelings, no need to worry, that anything I say will change our non-existent relationship. There is no way to get a reply either. But even so, I can't be completely honest even with you.

Is it possible to stay completely anonymous in our present world? I have my doubts. There is always a way to trace a piece of a written word, be it handwritten or digital. So I shall keep my most harmful thoughts to myself, to protect those who I cherish. Though I shall admit, there are but a few.

Be it my selfishness or laziness, but throughout the years I came to enjoy my life with the least possible amount of attachments.

I perfected the art of walking through lives of other people with the least possible impact.

There is no one I call a friend and there's no one who calls me one.

I value my solitude. It seems bothersome to get to know people, to get entangled in their lives. Of course, I can't completely remove myself from society as long as I live. There are certain ways, but they are too troublesome to undertake. Plus I enjoy to glide through, getting food for thought and kindling for my emotions.

I get just enough insignificant encounters and idle small talks within my work hours to be satisfied as a social being.

I've learnt to dress just neat enough to be presentable and attractive for my customers instilling a desire into them to deal with me, however, at the same time without giving off an aura of being approachable by people on the street or enamoring anyone.

I tread carefully.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

Oh, summer kids!

You believe,

The whole life

Is warm and sunny,

Like the summer

You were born into.

With rivers

Full of silver fish,

With gentle breeze.

You believe,

That everything

Will sort itself out.

Everything

Will always

Be alright.

You believe,

The bad things

Only happen

To bad people.

And both of those

Exist only in

Fairytales.

Where the hero

Always comes

And saves

The princess.

But in reality

The wind is

Already changing.

The leaves started

To yellow out.

Your mother's face

Gains new wrinkles

Every day.

The winter is coming.

So, how many of you

Are ready

For it?

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

"A Sinner"

Forgive me Father,

For I have sinned.

Forgive me mother

For having been born

A sinner.

A tool

To wretch the hearts,

To spark,

Ignite the thoughts.

An instrument of evil

And destruction.

Why did you give me

All those gifts?

Or were they truly

Curses?

Is it for something

I had done

And then forgot?

Which part is worse -

Committing of transgressions

Or forgetting them?

And don't you need me

With my universal

Darkness

So you could

Shine your noble

Light

The brightest?

And didn't you

Create me

In this way

To do your bidding?

With those

Tender hands

Of mine,

My reddened lips

My swaying hips?

Who was the one

To give me

Those eyes

As black

As night

That people fear

From ancient times?

Who was it,

The one

To make

My hair shine

As silky waterfall,

And mesmerise

The poor souls

And drag them

In the depths

Of sin

With me.

Forgive me Father.

For I have done

Just as you wished me to.

I played the role

Which was set up

For me

To a perfection.

And as the curtain falls,

The least I hope for

Is an ovation.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

[megumi-rabbit]

It's in human nature to want to own something beautiful, something outstanding, something rare.

Like when a child sees a blooming flower and leans to pluck it.

Like when he's impulsed to close his tiny fist around a butterfly, which had a misfortune of catching his attention with its coloured wings.

And something, which was supposed to serve as a means of protection, became the very thing, which triggered its demise.

Isn't that why you catch sweet-singing birds, crop their wings and put them in cages?

Isn't that's the same desire to own something even at the cost of its destruction?

Isn't that why you took away everything which attracted you in me?

And then, disgusted by the change, tried to hide your fault by painting me guilty?

Did you despise yourself for that base desire?

If so, I forgive you.

And I forgive myself for having let you do that to me.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

It didn't strike you

From the very first time

You laid your eyes

On her.

It didn't crush you

As an all-encompassing,

Sky-shuttering

Tsunami.

She didn't invade

All your thoughts,

All your dreams,

All you musings.

But from a certain point,

Which you wouldn't

Be able

To name

Or remember,

You started

Catching

The fragrance

Of her perfume

Where she just passed.

And in a noisy room

The only sound

You could hear

Clearly

Was the sound of

Her laughter.

Your gaze would

Travel

Across the faces

Of others

Just to

Flutter

Over her

Form.

And when

She sat

Across

From you,

Holding

Her tea cup

In both hands,

You could find

Neither the words

Nor the strength

In you

To ask

Whether

She wanted

To be there

As much

As you did

That's

When you knew,

Whatever you were feeling

Was

A premonition of love.

Undeniable.

Inescapable.

Unstoppable.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

I'm about 3.

I'm sitting on a carpeted floor of our old apartment. It's an early morning, but I'm wide awake.

I'm watching my mother getting ready to go to work.

She is putting on her stockings. Her legs are really long and straight. And from where I'm sitting, it seems as if they are even longer.

She is glancing at me through the mirror before returning to the task of putting on her mascara.

Her lips are slightly parted.

When the morning sunlight falls onto her figure like that, you can see it glimmer in her green eyes.

She finishes her make-up and puffs up her blonde locks.

My hair is straight and dark brown, almost black, whilst my mother is naturally blonde.

But I'm not thinking about that at all.

She puts on her coat and zips her thin leather boots. It's winter outside, but I'm too small to make any correlation between those things.

My mother is unhappy. Unhappy with our cold and run-down apartment, unhappy with her job at the village school, unhappy with this burden of a child she was forced to give birth to at 20, unhappy at having to wear thin clothes in cold winter months, unhappy at having to go to sleep hungry, having given her portion of the dinner to the child she never wanted.

Years would pass before I realised all that.

I don't know what she saw herself as in those moment. But as a 3 year old I knew, in that moment, in front of me was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

I can't live half-heartedly.

For me it's always all or nothing.

And if today you feel as if I love you to the end of the world and back,

That doesn't guarantee the same tomorrow .

Because it's not me who will wake up tomorrow by your side, but someone else.

And she might have my face;

The sound of her voice might be the same as mine;

She might smile like me, she might wear my perfumes and my dresses;

Her laugh might have the same pitch as mine,

But something will be ultimately different.

She won't be me. And she won't love you.

So don't make the mistake of thinking that if you have my love now, you will have it forever.

Because such fickle beings like me have a habit of disappearing into the night without saying goodbye.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

WRATH - Chapter 1

The air was cold to the point of burning his lungs.

Blades of grass coated in a thin layer of frost crunched underneath his made-to-order shoes.

What an inconvenient time for a funeral.

It's like the old bastard decided to spite the living even in his death.

Keiji looked up to the murky skies.

The wind was slowly but surely picking up and the heavy clouds above were shedding a dandruff of snowflakes.

It would be a snowstorm in an hour or so at such rate.

He didn't need to be there. The mourners were few, and he doubted many were attending out of pure sentiment.

Keiji didn't feel any grief or remorse. If anything, he probably was there only to confirm the old prick was really dead for good.

He took a spot underneath a crooked cedar tree. The snowflakes peppered his dark hair and his black coat, but he made no effort to brush them off.

The men lowering the casket into the frozen ground were panting and trying to keep their curses in.

The attendees looked impatient, shifting from one foot to the other and rubbing their frozen hands together to keep warm.

Keiji looked over their faces. Some were vaguely familiar, some weren't.

There weren't anyone he personally knew.

No-one who would have remembered him.

That was for the best.

After the casket was finally down, the ones who stood closest dropped some flowers into the grave. One by one people came to the hole in the ground to say their last goodbyes or their final curses.

A small figure clad in black traditional clothes and hiding under an umbrella from the snow was the last person left as all the others dispersed.

She stood there unmoving for the most part of the funeral until there was no-one else in sight.

Keiji watched as she slowly made her way to the grave, clutching onto a stem of a single white chrysanthemum.

He could only see a part of her face from under the umbrella, her lips were moving but he was too far to catch any of her words, as they were picked up and taken away by the wind.

The Master's princess. Was she aware of what a horrible filth that man was?

Keiji gritted his teeth.

He put his hands in the pockets of his coat before slowly making his way to the grave of the man he wholeheartedly despised and the woman before it.

If she noticed him, she didn't make it known.

He watched her drop the chrysanthemum onto the casket and turn around.

Just as she made a step a gust of wind picked up and torn the umbrella out of her hands.

Keiji's eyes momentarily met hers.

Tears. A flash of surprise in her eyes before she cast them down and brushed past him without a word.

She probably didn't even remember him.

He was just one of the rugged boys the Master brought in and raised.

One out of many unfortunate souls, who would come and go.

A speck of dust in a myriad of others.

Keiji walked slowly to the grave.

He looked over the casket buried in white flowers left by the attendees.

Expensive mahogany wood, golden decorations.

A crooked smile painted his face as he spat on the shiny lacquered surface and turned to walk away.

As he reached the cemetery gate a man walked towards him holding an open umbrella to cover Keiji from the falling snow.

"It's unnecessary." Keiji made a comment and waved off the umbrella. His hair and coat were covered in white snowflakes already, there was no point in trying to prevent it now.

"Boss, you have a business meeting in an hour." The man said, closing the umbrella and following Keiji to the car.

"Location?"

Keiji brushed the snow off his hair and coat before getting into the back seat.

"Golden Apple, Sir".

"Haaa." Keiji sighed and took off his damp coat, loosened his tie and poured himself a glass of whisky from the minibar in the car.

It was going to be a long day.

[megumi-rabbit]

And if you ever hear

The voices

Calling to you

In the Northern wind

Put on your boots

And go.

And if you ever feel

As if my hands

Around your neck

Are shackles,

And my embrace -

A cage

No need to give me

Subtle hints

Of apathy,

No need

To wait

Till dawn,

No need

To wake

Me up.

Tiptoe

Over the creaking

Floorboards,

And step

Into the

Fresh breeze

Of freedom.

Don't worry.

Even if

As years go by

I look like

Someone

Who is waiting,

Even if I

Keep

The candles lit

All night,

It's just a

Strange habit

Of mine.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

I am a fallen leaf.

My life

Lead to this very

Moment.

My colour -

Burning red

Of all the sunsets,

That I've seen.

My dance

Will only last a mere

Minute.

I'll spin,

And swirl,

Perform for you.

Not just "as if",

"Because", there's no tomorrow.

But only those,

Who can see,

Will know,

The howl

Of the wind,

Which carries me,

Is full of

Sorrow.

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

In the Garden

Of Memories

A thousand-year-old wine

Doesn't taste bitter

No more.

And even though

The sun

And

The moon

Meet up in the skies,

Your cup

Can only hold

One reflection

恵

[megumi-rabbit]

Almost imperceptible

Subtle

Changes are happening.

A gentle fragrance of

Sadness

In the wind.

Boisterous Summer is

Dying,

Bleeding out

Like the Sun

Sinking

Over the Horizon.

Paint me

In your Reds.

Gift me your

Golden Mantle.

Hide my Tears

In your

Cold Rain.

Autumn's Embrace

Is the Sweetest

Release.

Merciful Kiss of

Death

For my Feverish

Mind.

恵