melancholicscoundrel

[melancholicscoundrel]

[melancholicscoundrel]

My question is, what do the weird anti-kink people do when they discover they have a kink

do they just like

pretend everyone else likes feet or hair or McDonald’s playplace mascot statues or whatever exactly as much as they do

Or is it more of a Catholic denial-of-the-self sort of thing

[melancholicscoundrel]

There’s got to be a term for this phenomenon it’s not simply misogyny it’s not mansplaining bc women do it too, it’s this Neurotypicalsplaining like I can’t complain about anything without someone, man, woman, or what have you, being like “well you see that’s because—“

Did I Fucking Ask?

You think I, an adult in my mid twenties with a full time job and a credit card, don’t know how the world works? You think just bc I’m socially awkward that means I don’t understand human nature? You really feel so enlightened and wise compared to me even though we’re the same fucking age that you need to break this to me as if you’re teaching me something new? Thank you for that I never would have known

[melancholicscoundrel]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[melancholicscoundrel]

I honestly feel like the proliferation of LED headlights was the canary in the coalmine for the general attitude we see in the political climate these days and i'm not even remotely kidding

[melancholicscoundrel]

[melancholicscoundrel]

no matter how little you think you know about history you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it because there is always someone who knows less than you and is more confident about it. someone once said that bridgerton was medieval to me

[melancholicscoundrel]

'Shadows of Montmarte' by Bert Wilson, 1927

[melancholicscoundrel]

Non-writers don't understand how much of writing is just googling things like "when was the croissant invented" for worldbuilding reasons and staring off into the distance.

[melancholicscoundrel]

thinking with your pussy, or cuntemplating,

[melancholicscoundrel]

I’m sitting in a climate summit rn and I really need to remind people that agricultural trafficking is a bigger issue than sex trafficking AND sexual assault happens to trafficking victims in EVERY field to the point that it’s kind of disingenuous to call it/focus on ‘sex trafficking’ the way it’s disingenuous to complain about sex work being ‘exploitative’ or the source of sex trafficking as if hotel workers, restaurant workers and so on aren’t known to be exposed to extremely high amounts of sexual harassment and assault.

anyway apparently some 70% of the children trafficked into child labor in the US are in the agricultural fields to put veggies on shelves and houseplants in home depot.

just something to think about.

[melancholicscoundrel]

there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

[melancholicscoundrel]

it pisses me off SO bad how transphobes have so effectively used sports to launder transphobia and misogyny to people. like does nobody remember like ~5-10 years ago when it was a MAJOR feminist talking point to argue for desegregating sports and going by skill level instead of gender separation??? and now, because so many cis people hate trans people so violently and think we should be excluded from all aspects of public life, you’ve got a whole bunch of women who call themselves feminists laundering misogynistic talking points about how “women are just inherently weaker and worse at athletics than men :(( it’s just biology and women are inherently inferior :(( this is definitely not misogyny that’s unsupported by science, women are just weaker and worse at things :((“ like girl open your ears and listen to what you’re saying!!

[melancholicscoundrel]

op turned reblogs off but i need this one so bad

[melancholicscoundrel]

Who invented autism?

The famous Italian inventor, Leoneuro di Vergent.

[melancholicscoundrel]

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,

[melancholicscoundrel]

waving a spring onion around is pretty fun. the blue haired dame was onto something