mellkellyismyhero

[mellkellyismyhero]

to that one person that’s making derry girls x thunderbolts crossover edits on tiktok ilysm

[mellkellyismyhero]

[mellkellyismyhero]

[mellkellyismyhero]

[mellkellyismyhero]

it sucks being an American because people from other countries will make fun of you for liking burger and you will try to be like NO! I EAT OTHER FOOD TOO! but you can't get the words out because you're too busy salivating over the idea of burger

[mellkellyismyhero]

Thinking about how Anakin canonically both touched grass and got laid and was still Like That.

[mellkellyismyhero]

second degree burn on my middle finger sustained in a tragic Gaelic bread incident trust no one

[mellkellyismyhero]

This year for pride month I want trans people to be alive. Thank you.

[mellkellyismyhero]

i downloaded this god damn episode just so everyone could watch this fukkin clip

[mellkellyismyhero]

So last month I got hit by a car and died right. Which I didn't initially realize until I watched some guy haul my body into his pickup and drive off. Which, being that it's deep in rural Michigan, I assume means my body will make some venison jerky and maybe some wall decoration, and I'll be resigned to being one of hundreds of deer ghosts floating around Saginaw, which is w/e. But then I find out the guy works at a taxidermy shop or something, and he's actually pretty good at stuffing and mounting deer carcasses, which I come to find out when I find myself face to face with my old body in the shop window. So naturally, I figure since ghosts need to possess something to interact with the living world and etc etc etc the most logical thing to do is to possess my own body, since it's basically a statue of myself. And a little surprisingly, it actually fits like a glove. Like, since it's my body, it feels like stepping right back into place. So I get out of town and back to my herd, eventually. And that's where the trouble starts coming into it, because after I get settled again, I don't know how to explain to everyone else what feels so weird. Like since I can move my body and do everything I used to do, it's functionally the same, like nothing happened. Or it SHOULD be, so I don't know how to explain how it's NOT. But it's just hard to explain it to someone who's never been hit by a truck I guess

[mellkellyismyhero]

new gameshow idea: cis men have to pretend to be women for a whole year and if anyone ever clocks them they get taken out back of the set and shot in the back of the head like a dog. If they survive the whole year they win the ability to win any one sports competition, after which they will be stripped naked and hanged in the town square in front of a rabidly cheering audience screaming at them that they deserve this. I call it "You seriously think people chose this for the sports thing you stupid fuck?" and participation is random and involuntary.

[mellkellyismyhero]

whoever writes the nyt connections categories is experiencing joan of arc type visions & hallucinations

[mellkellyismyhero]

my humor 2016

[mellkellyismyhero]

i think a really funny project that a statistics professor could have their class do is like. put a bunch of random, patently untrue demographic statements into a hat. "the most popular tv show among white men ages 24-27 is Bluey." "the majority of business majors are middle children." "bisexual women love hot chips." and each student picks one out of the hat and you gotta like. design a whole study and survey a group of people to specifically achieve that result. you have to prove it true. by whatever means necessary. you have to construct the most biased study possible and wrangle in your exact demographic to make that statement a statistical reality. i think people would learn a lot.

[mellkellyismyhero]

"Candy Hearts" by Tommy Siegel

[mellkellyismyhero]

the culturally american past time of sitting in your car alone for no reason

[mellkellyismyhero]

Need to deploy some sort of mandatory seminar to IT people, "How to make your security upgrade instructions not look like a phishing email"