melonblossom - Tumblr blog

[melonblossom]

I endure. That's all I do.

I hope the dark wood passes and at the end, there will be sunlight, just like I remember.

Meanwhile I pretend the sun has never left us. That I can still feel its warmth on my skin.

I mimic the person I used to be, walking in sunlight with you.

And endure the dark numbness.

We might get separated. We might not find the edge together.

I might leave these woods alone.

But I don't care how it ends. Good or bad.

Together

or alone.

Because at the end, there will be sunlight.

[melonblossom]

We accept the love we think we deserve.

....I feel that today. And it hurts.

[melonblossom]

I wish I could set boundaries without feeling guilty...

[melonblossom]

So I started re-watching Supernatural again for what feels like the 100th time. And I'm still not sure, if I will have the courage to watch the last season this time. I love Supernatural so much. But I kinda know what's waiting for me at the end (spoilers, you can never escape them), and I'm not sure, I want to see it. Because if I don't watch it, maybe it's not real. Maybe Cas won't vanish into nothingness after everything he sacrificed. And maybe he will see Dean again in heaven after Dean had a happy and long life.

I don't care about "but the show was never gonna end happy, you should have known that".

I don't care. I wanted my happy end. I wanted them to be happy. Sam, Dean, Cas...all of them.

I don't know....should I watch it? Or is it really as heartbreaking and kinda unfair as I expect it to be?

[melonblossom]

So I was the one with the emotional distress and yet somehow you made it about yourself. Again. You the victim. And me? I am the one ruining your day. Excuse my emotions, they are obviously not relevant to your self-centred world.

[melonblossom]

breathe

I am loved

I am worthy

I am whole

I am happy

I am safe

I am loved

breathe

[melonblossom]

I can't get enough

I feel like I'm starving

I want more

I want you

But you already gave all you got

You already feel drained

Like you can't breathe

Because of me

That's not right

Maybe...

If only I didn't love you so much...

[melonblossom]

Truth is...I'm sorry I disappointed you, but I also don't think, I did anything wrong. And actually, even though I said sorry, I want you to apologize too, for making me feel bad about giving my best.

But instead of saying that, I apologize for not reading your unspoken needs correctly. Whilst secretly hoping, you will apologize for your overreaction in return.

But all I get is: "it's okay".

No it's not. You owe me an apology, too....

[melonblossom]

Happiness is right this moment. It's not something that can only be found in the future. If you can't be happy with what you already have, how will you ever be happy with anything else you achieve? You've already come so far.

[melonblossom]

[melonblossom]

I am deeply grateful to have finally found you...

[melonblossom]

[melonblossom]

Life isn't supposed to be painless, Beatrice. Joy and suffering dance together long into the night. Don't ever hide from them.

- Sherlock Holmes, The Irregulars

[melonblossom]

I just love my cards. This deck has been close to my heart since the first time I saw it. 💜

[melonblossom]

We put a pressure on ourselves to love every moment we’re faced with, call ourselves negative, pessimists, cynics if we do not. We think positivity is the only path forward, that grinning while enduring it is the answer, we think ourselves weak if we struggle, if we falter, if we long for something else. Why? Why does light carry more worth than dark, why does joy assume higher value than sorrow? Are we not made of both, are we not built to house the juxtaposition of all things? . With a bigger sky maybe we’ll have bigger dreams, maybe we will grow. . Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson (at Link in Bio) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMSNAllFJ7P/?igshid=wpvifp8lsx8s

[melonblossom]

New beginning today, new hope, and new little sliver of a poem. This is The Never Was #26. What a day. What a day. (at Helena, Montana) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKShL6QFz5h/?igshid=w0rlr5eox54k

[melonblossom]

Never read anything more real