memesforthegang - Tumblr blog

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a very important part of every rpg party is a hehim with anxiety having the worst time of his life

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all they did was be rich...

-mod roscoe

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Within every location is a random grandfather clock. Any player who comments on this automatically dies.

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fate giving roscoe to the high four

-mod roscoe

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cabazei and roscoe - mod cabazei

gnome, kobold, goblin, halfling, and kenku PCs:

the rest of the party:

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the incel current pathfinder: kobolds have -4 strength and -2 constitution and yet i still made a barbarian out of one

- mod cabazei

I’ve posted this on Twitter but it would be a crime not to post it to tumblr as well.

The Pathfinder 2e Advanced Player’s Guide is great!

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as per the immortal words of mod peach: cabazei, his cousin langston, and sesserak b like

- mod cabazei

You asked for it: Three Kobolds in a Trenchcoat, the statblock. (Art from the upcoming Icewind Dale adventure)

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sorry to keep bringing it up but. us in hunclay's mansion be like

-mod roscoe

Warlock: what are you talking about, we made excellent progress last session, we made it one room over

DM: to your credit you did a bit more then that you made it a whole 2 rooms over

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same energy as our barbarians being a ratfolk and a kobold

bit of context. the party has a 6'5 dragonborn paladin and 4'10 teifling bard. one day the party was fighting some goblins but needed one alive to interrogate them for information.

bard, casting vicious mockery after having rolled an 18 for damage: i FART in your general direction! your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

dm: the goblin you insult is surprised and wounded by what you said about his mother. he clutches at his head, seemingly in great amounts of pain. he screams once before just- turning into dust.

paladin, who is Decidedly more intimidating than the bard, to the other goblin: look. you can give up and tell us what we want to know, or we can kill you. your choice.

dm: roll for intimidation

paladin: …5

goblin, spitting on the paladin: im not telling you anything, you overbaked lizard

bard: can i threaten him now?

dm: roll intimidation

bard: nat 20!

dm, sighing: go for it.

bard: you’re going to tell us exactly what we want to know, you’re going to end up like your friend there. id also suggest you be on your best behavior. lay so much as a finger on my friends and ill put a dagger in your heart.

goblin: …got it

paladin: how come YOURE intimidating? you’re like, 2 feet tall.

bard, winking: all in the horns, baby.

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roscoe 😊✨

-mod roscoe

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“Shia Labeouf is not an animal companion”

-me, the exasperated DM, minutes after mistakenly using the phrase “You’re all walking in these woods, and there’s no one around”

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didn't even read the whole post, just saw "mansion" and got war flashbacks

-mod roscoe

When You're Trying to Infiltrate a Mansion But Run Out of Ideas

The players were trying to infiltrate a mansion to talk to some noble about a kidnapping. They sent in their bard, rogue, and monk as the three of them had the highest charisma.

Guard: “Halt! What are you doing here?”

Rogue: *Whispering* “Oh shoot what do we say?”

Monk: *Whispering* “I got this!”

Bard: *Whispering* “But shouldn’t I…?”

Monk: “We have come to ask your employer about the nature of fungi!”

Me, the DM: “Yeah, I’m gonna make you roll for that.”

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forgot to sign it

-mod roscoe

It’s fine! God said we’re allowed to do crime now!

- The Rogue, after our party received a quest from Ohgma that involved breaking into a vault to steal a powerful artifact

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oh us?

-mod roscoe

The players were talking to a powerful NPC who had somehow slipped beneath the notice of a powerful vampire

NPC: The trick has to do with the intellect, my dear boy

Party, with intelligence 7, 7 and 9: OH NO, OUR ONE WEAKNESS!

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probably us during the next campaign

It’s fine! God said we’re allowed to do crime now!

- The Rogue, after our party received a quest from Ohgma that involved breaking into a vault to steal a powerful artifact

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"make a wisdom saving throw for me"

-mod roscoe

i love being dm. it means i can ask the most innocuous questions totally unprompted to my players like “hey what’s your bard’s swimming speed?” and get this reaction every time

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"You're sending the three dumbasses to rescue the one brain cell?"

- Our gunslinger to our DM after the wizard (me) was kidnapped.