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New beginnings

So we ended things and you went back to her.

You’re weak, she’s pathetic - you both deserve each other.

I’m done, I’ve overcome one of the biggest struggles of my life. I’m somewhere new, I’m moving on and I’m never looking back ❤️

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Tick tock...

So it’s been a handful of days. Maybe even a couple of weeks.

She’s not been active on here at all, or her other blogs.

Maybe it’s because of the Tumblr apocalypse.

Maybe it’s because her real life demands her attention and presence.

Maybe it’s because she needs time away from here to heal.

Whatever the reasoning, I want her to be okay. Actually be okay. Maybe try and properly make things work with her husband in real life and finally get over her years of delusion from here.

Meanwhile him and I seem to be on top of the world. Things are better than ever and a couple of nights ago we had a deep talk about a lot of wishful thinking that actually made us very vulnerable to each other. It has brought us even more closer together which is wonderful.

It also makes things even more complicated.

I know that this is not the last of her in his life and therefore mine.

She’ll come back, they’ll talk again - I can feel it in my gut.

I just don’t know how I’ll reaction to it or feel about it.

Relief? Because that way my getaway card still remains?

Frustration? Because she’ll be back to her old thinking and ways of naivety and ignorance?

Who knows.

I guess only time will tell.

In the meantime, this is me sending love and support from one woman who knows the struggle to find happiness to another.

I hope she feels better soon.

I really really do.

♥️

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Pity.

Darling you just don’t know the half of it. And it’s embarrassing, painful and pitiful to watch you “grieve” a connection that you thought you had with him when the reality is so laughably far from that.

All of the posts - the flirty ones, the romantic ones, the erotic ones, the “personal” ones - they’re not what you thought them to be. Because I know about them all. And about you.

Because I was and am his confidant. And I know him in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine.

And you know nothing of me.

It’s sad really to see a grown woman get played like this. Another sad fact is that a woman half of your age is more the woman you could ever be or at least are showing yourself to be.

And before you get carried away in your deluded grief and self pity, you must take a step back and think of one word.

“Karma.”

Because the reality is that you are not the victim, neither is he and nor am I. The real victims are the innocent spouses and family members that would shatter at the knowledge of the infidelity which ironically enough, neither of you two seem to care too much about, it seems.

It was your desperation, your craziness, your accusations and your chaotic tantrums which made him recoil away from you - he told me that himself. I understood as a woman that your behaviour stemmed from crippling insecurity, but the thing is that he wasn’t/isn’t prepared to handle it.

Another sad reality is that you were a distraction for him. A fleeting escape from his misery. That is what I ultimately am too. But the difference between you and I is that I wholeheartedly know and understand that. Whereas you filled yourself with childish dreams and naive wishful thinking and look where it got you.

I have no doubt at all that the truth would have probably destroyed you so that’s why he refrained from telling you. Out of guilt and pity.

Is that what you want for yourself? Guilt and pity?

No one should want that for themselves which is why I’m writing this post for you.

It’s a tough-love-slap-in-the-face for you to wake the fuck up and move the fuck on.

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I like the word “inappropriate.”

Is it inappropriate because of all of the kinky fuckery you think you’d have together or is it inappropriate because your husband is lying next to you while you think of another man whom in actual fact is invested in someone else without your knowledge?

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Which is where people go wrong in the first place and then are deluded enough to question why they get hurt

“There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let them hurt me.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (via coral)

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Ignorance is bliss...

- that’s the only thing that’s keeping her from going over the edge. The breakup is probably killing her but little does she know that her so-called perfect relationship was actually a sham for over half of the duration anyway.

Little does she know that she was second place to another that aimlessly came into his life and turned his world upside down in the best way and held his attention ever since. Whereas she clawed and clamoured at him to notice and love her.

And look what happened.

He and her are done.

And the other still holds his attention and he just cannot let go. And the other is invested in him too, but not to the point where she lets go of herself.

And maybe that’s why he chose the other one ultimately. Because despite the other being so much younger than her, the other turned out to actually be the better woman.

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♥️

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And that’s the biggest problem that needs to be rectified, not harboured.

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And that my dear was your biggest mistake.

Never again.

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The little things

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Wtf just happened????

So this past week has been kind of crazy. A situation which i thought was going to go one way has completely flipped and done a 180 and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I was going to break up with him. And it was about a lot of different things, but mostly her. We were on the phone a few nights ago and we spoke for about 3 hours in the middle of the night and I was all set to do it.

So I told him.

And he agreed that in the long run and through logic, that was the right thing to do.

And we got a little upset about it.

But we both succumbed to our fear of losing each other and so for now we are back in our sanctuary of distraction within ourselves.

But then...

They end up ending things - him and her.

The signs were sort of there - her posts were becoming more and more depressing but I didn’t think much of it. She’s always been sensitive and (dare I say it) a little crazy and they’ve had patches like this before.

But they ended up ending things on a sour note from her side and I’ve just seen that she’s deleted his mentions and tags from her blog.

And when I told him that she would definitely come back into his life and that it wasn’t the end of them, he tiredly said to me “I don’t enjoy interacting with her anymore.”

He compared the chaos in his interaction with her to the chaos in his real life and questioned me why he would want to experience that any more than he has to in his reality.

Now this should make me feel extremely happy, smug, relived and finally at peace.

But it doesn’t.

I don’t feel any of those things actually.

The things I do feel are dread, guilt, pity and sadness and all of these emotions are directed towards her.

I’ve always felt bad for her because she doesn’t know about me. And him and I. What we share, the intensity of it, how actively involved we are in each other’s lives, how we message every single day and we talk multiple times a day, how sincerely he tells me that he wholeheartedly loves me, how trusting and honest he is with me, how much he’s told her about her and their relationship, how long we’ve been involved, how brutally vulnerable we’ve been with each other, how their bond pales in comparison to what him and I have together.

She doesn’t know any of it.

And if she ever found out, I honestly think it would kill her.

I’ve always pitied her ignorance. Of whom she thought she was so in love with. Of what she thought she had with him. Of my existence.

And with all of that together, I just feel sad for her.

From what I know of her, she hadn’t had the happiest of childhoods which is so incredibly damaging anyway. On top of that, she seems like a genuinely good woman/person (marriage infidelity aside).

Their breakup should be an advantage for me, but it doesn’t feel that way.

And it’s because even though I resented their interaction, I was conforted by the fact that he wasn’t going to be alone when him and I eventually ended. He would have her presence as a form of support and distraction.

But now that’s gone.

So maybe I am crazy for kind of wanting her to go back to him, which I’m fairly certain she will.

It won’t be long now, I bet.

She’s not strong enough to stay away from him.

And maybe when she comes back to him, I’ll attain my escape card again.

God, what a fucking mess.

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Always 💕

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One day

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When it’s over - this is all I aspire to think

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😂😂😂

person: i really like you.

½ of me: why?

the other ½: of course you do, bitch i’m amazing

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Y'all ever just…

Crank that Soulja boy, then superman that hooo