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What We Are (tentative title)

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TOTGA

The One That Got Away. That's what you are to me. That's the only way I could claim what you have been to me because you were someone I fell so intensely in love with but you never felt the same. Whenever someone asks me how many times I've fallen in love, I always include you because even if we didn't become a couple, I loved you for years and I had a hard time moving on. You were a puzzle that I never got to solve. After more than 15 years, after so many things that happened all these years, even after you fell in and out of love with other women, even if you've lost them... it seems like you never lost me. I know you feel that you have a friend in me. I am someone you know who will always listen to you and will be there for you. I am someone you trust with your secrets and very personal matters. I am that person to you. You can say that I am "what Meredith Grey is to Cristina Yang (and vice versa)" to you, because I am your person. And yes, you still have it--- the power to play with my mind. You're still the enigma that you've always been. I think that my 26-year old self is still within me, and that person within me is still in love with you. She's still here and she comes out from time to time whenever she feels that you're giving her attention and considerable amount of time. She still feels that there's an unfinished business, that's why she wants to see you again. That's just her. She is not totally me now. The me now knows that you're not the one for me and after having all those late-night-till-the-wee-hours-of-morning conversations and I got to know you better, I have realized that even if we were given a chance to become a couple, we wouldn't last. You still stimulate me intellectually but you are not the kind of man who will give me the kind of treatment that I want from a man. You lack warmth, you're not sweet, you're so laidback. Or maybe you are but I never get to see that side of you because you never fell in love with me. Do you ever have any idea how happy you would have been if you only gave me a chance? I somehow believe that you would have been much, much happier with me if you had only chosen me. I have always felt that you didn't choose me because you have such high standards with women and that I was obviously out of your league (which I wholeheartedly accepted because I believed that you deserved someone much, much better). However, finding out that you're not as happy as I thought you would be with the woman you chose to spend forever with, it breaks my heart endlessly. Why her instead of me? I could have had made you happier if you only had chosen me. So I got to thinking... you're not really my TOTGA. You instead are my TOTLMGA: The One That Let Me Get Away.

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Is it true, though?

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Let him go.

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Quote from Poems Porn

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I'm in love. ❤

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Quote is from Poems Porn

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What hurts?

(not from Preach It. It’s mine.)

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The Joke Was On Me

Well, I’ve been having lots of thoughts. I’ve thought of every possible reason I could ever think of. So many realizations these past few days. I tried to replay in my mind everything that you said to me. I tried to distinguish the truths and lies. But it wasn’t simple. Feels like nothing has ever been true. The only truth I know now is that you are a liar. I didn’t see it. I didn’t know that you were just joking the whole time. You should have told me that everything was just a joke before you left me hanging. You should have been a little considerate coz I actually believed you even if I didn’t want to. You are such a good actor! I was so convinced that you really cared for me. I thought it would be different this time around. I thought you were really sorry for breaking my heart many years ago. I didn’t think that you would do it all again. You sounded like you really regretted hurting me the first time. Wow. I’d like to give you a round of applause. You are a heartbreaker to the core. One of a kind. The finest kind. Congratulations for breaking my heart again. You may feel like you’re a winner but for me you’re the exact opposite. 

Love you still (this is a joke, of course!).

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It’s been 3 days since I realized that he couldn’t fulfill his promises, and that really broke my heart. I can say I feel better now. In fact, I haven’t cried today. Maybe no more tears for me beginning today! That’s good. I hope I’m done crying because of him. OK, there are moments when I still feel sad, specially when I’m alone and I can’t help but remember him and his promises. I haven’t blocked him in Facebook, but I already unfollowed him. I’ve been thinking of blocking him in Messenger but part of me still wants to know what happened, and I’m curious how he would explain what he did (actually it was something he did NOT do). I’m also expecting an apology, at least. I’m disappointed about how quickly my hatred for him just disappeared. I’m supposed to still hate him. I should hate him some more. But I don’t feel that way anymore. Is this indifference? Or would the hatred come back when I finally get to talk with him again? Is our friendship over? Do I want it to be over? I guess it depends on how he’s gonna explain everything to me. I don’t even know if he’d have the courage to talk to me again. But for now I’m just glad that I’m feeling less sad. I wish I could be more specific with what I’ve been going through. I wish it wasn’t that complicated. OK, that’s all for now.

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Stop crying, stupid. You know he's not worth it.You know from the start that he'll just break your heart (again), so it means you'll be able to move on (again). This has happened before, right? He made you fall for him, told you sweet lies and promises, made you believe he loved you... But once again, made a fool out of you. Did you forget how unimportant he made you feel 11 years ago? Did you forget those nights you cried because you felt so alone? Why did you forget how much he hurt you before? And why did you let him in your life again? He's probably laughing at you right now because you're so stupid. Fooled you twice, huh? Promise me this time you've already learned your lesson, ok? Forget him. Just forget him. Tonight is the last time you’d cry because of him.

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Breakups are never easy.

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Make sure it’s not just a temporary kind of happiness, but the one that lasts a lifetime.

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Story of my sick love life

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Why am I stubborn?