mightyaphrodytee

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So glad I left X when Trump got elected (account still here but inactive). How people can still support Elon Musk is beyond me.

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Listening to a true crime podcast in which the widow of the murdered man learns of his affair with his co worker lady that lasted for some time and was a major affair for both parties. So the co worker broke it off, and the man was relentless, calling, dropping by knocking on her door, threatening to fire her, etc.

The wife recalls a time when her husband was “miserable” for months. That must have been after the co worker broke off the affair.

I was miserable for years after the end of my affair. But I don’t think my husband noticed. If he did, he never tried to talk to me about it by directly addressing what he knew was the end of my affair. Too scared.

What a shame.

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I don’t know if I’m yet fully here, but something to think about.

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Let us review:

Jay trauma dumps on me for three hours a week ago yesterday. I called him with a yes/no question, but every time I tried to disengage, he kept talking. Gail tried to interrupt multiple times and he ignored her. He would say I’ve gotta go she’s gonna kill me but then KEEP GOING. Finally she called on the office line, and he had to answer it. Brief discussion. He sounded perturbed, said goodbye for real, and we hung up. It was 8:30!

The next day I text a photo I just received of Jane and Sam, no text. I got back a frosty and very un-Jay-like, condescending text stating that he wouldn’t be looking at this phone for a long time because I’ve got to prepare for the trial I told you alllllllllllllllll about on Friday.

I said well ok but you asked me to watch some video and tell you my opinion before jury selection starts on Monday, and I asked where’s the video?

No reply to any of the above.

I do not think Gail likes Jay having a familial relationship outside of their family.

She was an only child and doesn’t know what it’s like to share a past since birth with another human being.

Jay was scheduled, has been scheduled for at least a month, to give a 45-minute speech at a lawyer convention right fucking here in Austin

He’s been blaring it all over social media.

I said, both via IG comments and directly into his ear on an earlier call (the one where I got all the photos from Sophie’s apartment he’s paying for, on top of out-of-state tuition) that if he avoided coming to my residence and/or meeting me for lunch or dinner or literally whatever, then HE WILL NOT HAVE THIS SISTER ANYMORE, to which he laughed nervously while avoiding setting a date and time to meet up

I texted him the night before and said will I see you tomorrow or not?

NO FUCKING REPLY

After 24 hours, I block him on all platforms, phone, text, carrier pigeons, ravens, just everywhere. BLOCKED.

It will take his self-obsessed, dishonest, dissembling self at least six months to notice ANY of this

His fucking birthday is in 20 days and I can’t remember a year I didn’t call him and sing HB to him, or vice versa. It’s been a very, very long tradition.

JFC I don’t wanna talk to him or think about him, I’m so hurt and disappointed that either he lets Gail GATEKEEP him to the extent that he can’t even COMMUNICATE with me openly and honestly (is is possible she deleted my messages? Did she write that weird last text he ever sent me? Will I ever know?)

I AM HIS ONLY FULL SISTER.

Edit:

He noticed the block within HOURS, he forced a phone confrontation, a ton of emotional shit was expressed both ways, he apologized, I unblocked him, and I fervently hope this never happens again. Ever.

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cast photo, the decameron (via reisydee on insta)

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my condolences to every american bruce springsteen fan who has to witness born in the usa egregiously misinterpreted as a patriotic song over and over again today

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I’m So Afraid is Fleetwood Mac’s Comfortably Numb in terms of structure, emotion, and powerful guitar solos. Lindsey is so overlooked/underrated, and then you see this. I bet David Gilmour loves his playing.

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While Family Business Beer Company searches for a new location closer to Austin, they've put the Dripping Springs property up for sale (x)

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florida!!! by taylor swift feat. florence + the machine

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MY FIRST VISIT TO FLORIDA, January 1995, Palm Beach

Dad’s funeral, the whirlwind of seeing Rachel and Keelan for the first time in 12 years, absorbing the loss even as I felt no true grief for the man, only grief for a wound that would now never be healed, grief that my daughter lost a POTENTIAL actual grandfather—the last she had, staying in THAT HOUSE/MANSION IN PALM SPRINGS, Boz being shattered, Karina and Dorothy and Walter and their grief, the Ireland of it all being SO HEAVY, how warm and sunny it was even in late January, the High Catholicism funeral in the cathedral complete with incense and me (ME!) being asked to do a READING of some selected…scripture?—must’ve been, I can’t remember because honestly, it was all too much. Two days. Not enough yet too much all at once.

Yes I’m haunted but I’m feeling just fine

FLORIDA!!!

SECOND VISIT TO FLORIDA: April 1997, Orlando

With James, to Disney World and Universal Studios, Clay has a condo for us, surprise! Clay’s already there! I’ll pay for all the admission to everywhere if you just pay for your flight, DEAL!, being dependent on a cane, in constant pain while weight-bearing but my dr had not yet figured out what it was, seeing Rachel again under much better circumstances, light recreational drug use while partying with James and Clay and Rachel on whatever island that was, late at night, everybody drunk, we were drunk, Rachel and Clay hitting it off and dancing with a hundred other people VERY SUGGESTIVELY, and James’s subsequent meltdown over Clay wanting to be somehow sexual with A WOMAN and he’s a whore and on and on and then the next day sober acting like it never happened because nothing whatsoever happened between Rachel and Clay omg, going on all the rides before everybody else, no standing in line, because I was LITERALLY CANE DEPENDENT, the sensory overload, it was all 100% amazing and I was very sad to leave.

This was the first significant amount of time I got to hang with Rachel, and I fell in love. Sisters!

I have some regrets

I’ll bury them in

FLORIDA!!!

THIRD VISIT TO FLORIDA: November 1999, Palm Beach, Rachel’s wedding

Drunk, emotional, fabulous experience that felt like living through a hurricane. Of feelings! The Palm Beach Hotel, the spa at the PGA Gardens, the last day brunch on the beach when it was cloudy and drizzly and windy, the rehearsal dinner at that dope restaurant on Worth Avenue, the party at the Phippsberger’s with Inigo spraying tequila into my open mouth with a spray bottle and drunk driving golf carts around the estate, Boz in a cow suit (!!!), talking to Walter and getting some details about Dad’s childhood, feeling very Irish, very Butler heavy, Marie getting so hammered she fell down on the pavement (which, boy do I retroactively empathize with how bad that must’ve hurt), that chat with Jeannie about Dad omg, Miranda’s blossoming beauty that was definitely attractive to boys, the fun she had being a bridesmaid, her and Blanaid’s instant connection, that awful Patrick, getting high with Keelan at the reception in the tall hedges in front of Dad’s memorial tree, that friend of Dad’s who sat at our table and upon learning who I was, informed me that my father hadn’t been married prior to his marriage to Rachel’s mom, with such audacity and authority, my polite yet forceful recitation of the fact that I was, in fact, Jim’s oldest biological DAUGHTER and oh btw this girl next to me is his ONLY GRANDCHILD SO FAR, and him taking a moment to process, then saying ohhhhh, New York. Yeah, asshole, I thought. NEW YORK. After that he realized who we were, asked about Jay, and kissed our asses for hours. Hilarious. A fever dream. Joy and sorrow and gratitude and love all in one chaotic three-day weekend.

It’s one hell of a drug

FLORIDA!!!

FOURTH VISIT TO FLORIDA: March 2001, Daytona Bike Week

Wild veer between severely traumatic and utterly blissful. Met Lisa <3 Day. Loved her. Fran and Ron ditto. The other Ron, the one who gave us his cat before he retired. Waking and baking (except my husband.) Copious quantities of alcohol. Too much alcohol, as it turned out. The 10 pills, the hate in my heart for my husband, the ambulance, the ER, the coldness he displayed towards me for the rest of the trip despite knowing HE was the reason I kinda wanted to die and which he continued for a few days after we got home, as per usual. Passive-aggressive fuckery. One hell of a drug, charcoal is.

Tell me I’m despicable

Say it’s unforgivable

FLORIDA!!!

FIFTH VISIT TO FLORIDA: the very next month, April 2001

Orlando, West Palm, Palm Beach, Cocoa Beach, Julie and Sharon and Lisa Day (again!), in Cocoa Beach when the weather was so bad the wind was whipping the sand straight into our FACES, rendering sitting on the beach impossible (we joked it was free microdermabrasion to make us feel better that the one day we had all together was under such shitty weather), getting drunk instead and ordering takeout from Denny’s the next morning, hungover as fuck, Rachel and baby Liam, her husband basically ripping me off for $50 by taking my money to go get me weed, never to be heard from again), getting cafe con leches and Cuban sandwiches with Keelan, madness, escapism, all manner of substance abuse (just weed and alcohol, but some of the drinks and liquor store runs produced some increasingly complex cocktails), desperately delaying my return to real life, which was circling the drain back home, the dread was a physical thing I felt every single minute, but thankfully cell phones were limited, we didn’t have any, but still…and yet. Control was exerted and I submitted and went home strictly because I love my daughter.

So you pack your life away

Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas

FLORIDA!!!

And I’ve never been back. It all seems like a fever dream of colors and heightened emotions and hotel rooms and mansions and a hurricane with my name and me and my ghosts and laying to rest all the bodies that had been on my body and barricading myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, check, check, check.

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The most pronounced thing about Schwartz is his passive-aggression. Everyone knows what his public facing image is: aw-shucks, finger-in-mouth, breathy speaking, smiley NICE GUY. No one is more aware of this than Schwartz himself. Since Scandoval, that mask is ten times thicker. I don’t doubt the guy has suffered as a result of Sandoval being utterly vile, and I understand that they go back a long way, they’re business partners, and maybe even more importantly, they’re a longstanding duo on VPR. They’re a package deal for the show.

However, I have seen the podcast appearances, this season’s aftershows, and his WWHL appearances, and I’ve just been struck by how frequently Schwartz makes these impromptu comments, always under his breath/quietly, and always followed by a lightning-fast “Kidding!” or “Nah, that was a joke!” or the equivalent. I’m sure he thinks that by qualifying his asides as humor, we won’t pay any attention. But he did the exact same thing to Katie, and in both cases, the remarks that come out of his mouth are super cutting, mean, nasty, and angry.

We can all, as an audience, easily see that Sandoval is a narcissistic douchebag who has made and continues to make the most idiotic missteps. Like, they’re soooo dumb. Ergo, he’s not that bright. I think Schwartz is FAR smarter than Sandoval, and I’m telling you right now: that nice guy is repressing an enormous amount of rage, and I want to see him EXPLODE.

*Bethenny voice*—THAT’S MY OPINIONNNNNN!!!

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Keith Richards is 80 today 🎉

Thanks for all the music! Keep rocking, sir. I love you very much.

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John Lennon + his iconic orange glasses (1971)

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Bandsplain episodes I have loved like life, many two-parters, multiple hours EACH so like, do the math.

The Cure

Metallica

Radiohead

Smashing Pumpkins

R.E.M.

U2

The Smiths

Third Eye Blind

RHCP

I want to be Yasi Salem’s BFF. It’s such a niche cross-section? I feel very seen!

To Listen: PJ Harvey, Blink-182, and a shit ton of others I can’t recall. My time is 100% spent listening to this podcast. I need to do other things though!!!!

Obsessed