mikahsstudio

[mikahsstudio]

all the curtis brothers had complex relationships with food. (tw - eating disorders)

darry - before high school (aka when he got buff) his body image issues constantly reared their ugly head. he strived to look tough; ‘manly’. he would work out constantly, and not eat, doing anything to make him like his reflection. later in life, (aka high school and early adulthood) it also helped him feel in control. he couldn’t control the bills, or if he would get a scholarship, or having to take care of his brothers, but he could control his eating.

sodapop - always being praised on his good looks since starting puberty, sodapop started to pride himself on his looks. no matter the flaws he saw in himself, no one could say that he wasn’t attractive. he became obsessed at times, doing anything to ‘make’ himself attractive. (aka starving himself)

ponyboy - ever since childhood, whenever ponyboy got anxious it would cause him to feel nauseated. the thing is, ponyboy hated throwing up, ever since he was young. when his parents died he didn’t eat for days, his stomach constantly churning every time he smelt a smell just a bit too strong. when johnny and dally died, it increased tenfold. he would be nauseous for days, refusing to eat anything until his brothers made him, and even then he would eat the smallest portions.

[mikahsstudio]

Darrel walks into the quiet Curtis home. It was 12am and all Darry wants to do is collapse into bed and sleep for hours and hours, but he couldn’t quite yet. He walks into the kitchen looking at the dishes in the sink. He looks to the living room noticing the dirty coffee table. He sighs to himself as he got to work as quietly as possible to avoid waking his brothers.

Thirty minutes later Darry finally cleans to the point where he’s satisfied. During these moments, he couldn’t help but think amount of times his parents had to do this; how they made it look so easy; how they never would complain; how they were always patient with the boys. What he’d give to understand. What’d he’d give to have a conversation with them. To say goodbye.

He walks down the hall to his brothers’ room quietly cracking the door open. Sodapop has his arm draped around Ponyboy, and they’re both dead asleep. The rise and fall of their chests some how calms Darry. Since their parents death, Darry was always worried. Always. He was terrified one day a police officer would show up on his door step one day, and tell him of a new loss. Just like that fateful night. The night of his 20th birthday.

He shakes away the memory. He shakes the memory of having to identify them. He shakes away the image of his dismembered parents. He shakes away the memory of telling his brothers that their parents were gone. He shakes away the sound of desperation tat came from Pony’s mouth, and Soda’s arms wrapping around himself. He shakes away the memory of the funeral. He shakes away it all.

He walks into his room, throwing off his work clothes and climbing into bed. His back aches and his muscles are sore. It seems like he’s in a constant state of pain all the time. He stares at the ceiling, his mind racing. He forces his eyes closed and sleep eventually consumes him. The only bright side to bee exhausted all the time was how easy it was to fall asleep.

A few moments after drifting off he feels his eyes open, but it wasn’t an awake kind of feeling. His back didn’t hurt and he didn’t want to immediately crawl back into bed. He was also in a different room. It was Pony and Soda’s room. It was his childhood bedroom.

He sits up, standing from the bed as he walks to the door, which was cracked open slightly. The house smells how he remembered it. Before everything happened. The house feels quiet, but not barren. He walks into the living room and he feels his breath hitch, because there, sitting in his father’s chair, was his father.

“Dad?” Darry’s voice sounds small and soft, as if worried that his father would disappear, or run away.

Then, his dad stand up turning to him; taking a step forward. “Junior,” His father smiles. “I’ve missed you, have you been?

Darry takes another tentative step forward “I miss you.”

“I know son.” His father stands in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder “You’re doing so well”

Darry knows it isn’t real, but he wants it to be. It all feels so real “I’m really not. I’m nothing like you and mom. I have no idea what I have no clue how you two did it. I don’t know how to do this right. I feel like I’m failing them — failing you.” Darry has no clue where all this is coming from, or why he’s ranting to something that so clearly doesn’t anywhere but in the confines of his own mind.

“Oh, my son, youve always been too hard on yourself. You’re doing your best. That’s all me and your mother could’ve ever hoped for.” His father moves his hands to hold his face

“It’s not enough. I feel like I have no idea about anything anymore..”

“Do you think your mother and I did? We were just as clueless, but you boys.. It made it worth it.”

Darry is speechless at his fathers words. “Really?”

“Yes, Junior. We are so proud of you all. We’re so proud of you. I am proud of you, son”

Suddenly, Darry jerks awake with tears streaming down his face. “Dad?” Gosh, when was the last time he said that expecting a reply?

[mikahsstudio]

i feel bad for anyone that might’ve installed a listening device in my room and has to listen to me try and figure out how to harmonise with the outsiders cast album

[mikahsstudio]

my testimony of why darry curtis is arguably the most heart breaking character in the outsiders (BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME CHECK THE DISCLAIMER) :

first off, we have to look at the outcomes of all the characters. s.e. hinton has said that ponyboy gets out of tulsa, but other than that we don’t have much information on the other characters. however, we know that two-bit had his mother and sister, and sodapop said that he was at least content with working at a gas station — we don’t get too much information on steve but seeing as he was very good with cars, we can infer he made a career out of that in the future.

darry was on his way to getting out of tulsa prior to the curtis parents death. he had as high of an opportunity to be successful as pony did with his football ability and his ambition. he almost got out and he would’ve if the curtis parents death didn’t happen. darry probably lived his teenage years with more worries than a teenager should have, as most greasers did, and he especially had to do as the eldest son. his feelings and problems most likely felt very big to him, because that’s just how teenagers are at one point or another. he was working on the hope of getting out of tulsa, hanging on to that to keep him going, until that was taken away with the new responsibility that was thrust onto him. he would have killed himself if it weren’t for his brothers, and we hear that in the song “throwing in the towel” when he voices these feelings. he was living for his brothers.

when pony went to college darry was probably around 24/25 years old. it was too late to pursue his football career, and he most likely tried to finish school and just ended up staying at his job or getting a better one. he was living for his brothers, and now that his brothers weren’t relying on him he didn’t know what to do, especially since he couldn’t pursue his dream anymore. he probably lived his years alone, seeing as sodapop most likely would marry a girl and they would move to their own home (i refuse to accept him dying in vietnam bc it makes me sick). (also to clarify — the reason darry doesn’t end up with a girl is bc he was gay in my eyes)

¡DISCLAIMER! i am not saying any other characters story is happy or that they were given a necessarily “good” life, and honestly i could make an argument for any character. this is also only comparing his story to characters that lived aka not comparing his story to dally and johnny whose stories are even more heartbreaking seeing as they never were given the chance to get out or live a better life. at the end of the day, this is my silly little angsty outsiders post and should not be taken to heart. in the great words of cherry valance “things are rough all over”.

[mikahsstudio]

Parry collab with Lost

[mikahsstudio]

ponyboy was the piano man.

after leaving tulsa, he kept trying to find a place that made him forget tulsa, only to realise that it was an impossible hope to try and reach. after his first book “the outsiders” blew up, he tried to find the inspiration for a second, having to have another way to pay the bills. after years of trying and trying, doing numerous part-time jobs, he went back to the place where he got his inspiration first: tulsa.

the weeks would turn to months; the months to years; until he was nearing almost 70. he found an easy job at the local newspaper, and during the nights he would play at a bar in the town. there he would see all the people who he went to school with. he would notice the changes in appearance, a lot of them gaining wrinkles and eye bags. he would hear about their kids, and their failed marriages, or their jobs. he would see school kids trying to convince bartenders to give them a drink for a little bit of cash. every so often he would see a kid who reminded him of johnny, or dally, or even two-bit.

but his heart would become a bit extra hollow when he saw a kid who reminded him of himself. the kid with big dreams and a big heart that always ended up with the short end of the stick.

he would watch them all while his fingers danced across the keys, playing a familiar melody. sometimes he would play something his mother used to play at the piano during the evenings. though her voice may have faded over time, he would always remember the sound of her playing at the piano. or maybe he would play something he would play for johnny when johnny asked him to, and he would wonder who johnny would’ve ended up becoming.

he would watch people come and go through the years. and he would never forget a face. he would never forget someones story story.

[mikahsstudio]

sodapop curtis doesn't get angry. well, scratch that.

sodapop curtis doesn't get outwardly angry. there's always something burning underneath — a fire simmering — but he never lets it boil over. he figures there's no point. his brothers already have enough going on in their lives without having to deal with a ticking time bomb. so he keeps bottling it up, faking a smile whenever he has to.

he made the decision a long time ago — probably even before their parents died — that somebody had to be the calm one when everything else was falling apart.

so he holds it in. the sleepless nights, the unspoken worries. the rage that flickers hot in his chest every time darry yells at ponyboy or when steve talks too loud about things he shouldn’t. when pony comes home scraped up and pretending not to limp. when darry’s back hurts after a long shift and he tries to hide it.

sodapop curtis doesn't get angry. not out loud. but he carries it all the same. anger at how unfair everything is. anger at the silence between darry and pony sometimes. anger at the fact that he can’t fix it.

he keeps smiling though. keeps being the glue. if he lets himself be anything else, everything could fall apart.

[mikahsstudio]

johnny and ponyboy weren’t boyfriends. but their feelings for each other surpassed friendship. i couldn’t see ponyboy pointing at johnny and saying “that’s my boyfriend”, because johnny wasn’t his boyfriend, and he wouldn’t be, but ponyboy could look at johnny and confidently say that’s MY johnny.

[mikahsstudio]

i love poker and i love the curtis brothers

ponyboy successfully ragebaiting Darry in poker

[mikahsstudio]

recently i was texting my friend and he asked for my opinion on johnny and dally, and i thought i’d share my response with tumblr:

i see them as “unrequited” because i feel like they both had EXTREMELY deep feelings for each other (which i could see romantic or platonic — in the musical brotherly), but dallas would NEVER even humor the thought of seeing johnny any way other than platonically, though his true feelings (may have) differed

[mikahsstudio]

i have another headcannon which surrounds the versions of two-bit played by aramie, jordan chin, and renni — aka african american two-bit.

my headcannon is that two-bit would’ve been a soc, except his grandparents business was one of the many black owned businesses destroyed during the tulsa race massacre. this is one of the reasons two-bit has always been so angry at socs; them being a predominantly white community compared to the greasers. also, the fact that a lot of the socs grandparents were present during the massacre.

if you don’t know what the tulsa race massacre was here is a brief summary:

the tulsa race massacre of 1921 was a two day long terrorist massacre by white supremacts residents and deputies that destroyed over 1,400 black owned homes and businesses in tulsa, oaklahoma.

[mikahsstudio]

The gremlins are back :D

{Their ages vary in the drawings}

[mikahsstudio]

no one can convince me that ponyboy and johnny didn’t have a homoerotic relationship

[mikahsstudio]

something in the outsiders musical that i always think about is that in the song “justice for tulsa” when the socs gang up against cherry. that moment always makes me shutter — specifically the line “you know just what you did”. i know it wasn’t the intention or the context, but it reminds me a lot of the reaction of a lot of society when a girl comes out saying she was SA’ed. especially with the way that she’s ostracised and the way that marcia gets pulled away from her. it makes my stomach churn every time.

[mikahsstudio]

liv.

after reading pony’s theme, darry goes to his room and gently shuts the door. pony can’t hear anything from the other side, which only makes the knot in his chest grow tighter and tighter. soda assures him that darry is just processing, and that the theme was amazing, and darry would be out soon.

pony doesn’t believe him.

darrel curtis never ‘processes’. the man is always moving, always working, always something. never processing.

but it’s fine. pony pretends it’s fine. he watches a cartoon on the couch with soda, and he laughs at all the right moments, even though he keeps one eye on darry’s bedroom door, waiting for it to creak open. pony doesn’t really get what the issue was — sure, the first part of his theme was real harsh on darry, but pony had changed his tune by the end. why would darry care anyway? it hardly matters to him what pony thinks about him.

after a few more episodes, darry’s door slowly opens, and the man himself steps out. pony stands up like the flash and takes in darry’s appearance. his hair is messy — a rare sight, since darry always cuts it perfectly and gels it so it stays put — and his shirt has tear marks on it, and his face is… not exactly smiling, but close.

darry walks down the hallway with a soft look, one that pony typically only sees pointed at soda. this time, it’s for him. he doesn’t say a word as he stops right in front of pony and stands there, looking like he’s trying to figure out what to say.

pony makes the first move. he takes a tentative step forward into darry’s arms. he’d normally be embarrassed, but he needed this. and darry wasn’t pulling away, which meant he needed this too. pony hears a little coo from soda in the back. pony relaxes in darry’s arms for a little before pulling back.

“didja like it?” he mumbles a little, trying not to sound too eager but desperate to know exactly what darry was thinking. darry’s eyes change a little, to an expression pony can’t quite place.

“did i like it?” darry said, moving his hands up to cup pony’s cheeks, and wow pony’s theme must have been something ‘cause darry was never this touchy. “it was real good. mom and dad would be proud.”

pony hesitates for a second and then asks, “what about you?”

“what?” darry asks as he pulls pony to sit down on the couch with him, right in between him and soda.

“are… are you proud?” pony looks around, trying to look anywhere but at darry. despite his efforts, he can still feel darry’s body tense up beside him. darry puts a hand on pony’s knee, nudging him to look up. he reluctantly looks up at darry.

“ponyboy, i couldn’t be prouder,” darry admits. “the way you write… gosh, i felt like i was right there with you in that church.”

pony flushes. he’d sorta asked for the compliment, but it still sent a thrill through him. then he remembers what else he wrote about in the theme.

“i was awfully mean to you,” he says, guilt creeping up on him. soda puts a gentle hand on his back.

darry doesn't speak right away. he leans back on the couch, eyes fixed on on the tv. he’s thinking. really thinking, the way he does when he really wants to get something right. then he starts.

“you were honest,” he finally says. “i was real tough on you. thought i had to be.”

there’s a pause. he looks over at pony for a split second, then turns back to the tv.

“you didn’t lie. that counts for somethin’. you said what you felt.”

pony doesn’t respond right away. he stares at the coffee table, then the carpet, then his own hands in his lap. darry’s words settle in his chest like a stone. they’re not poetic, but they’re real. real means everything coming from darry.

pony thinks about a debate there had been in class that day. it was about fairness — about whether certain narrators were fair in their comments about other characters. then pony thought about his theme.

“do you think i was fair?” pony finally asks. “in the theme?”

soda shifts beside pony but doesn’t speak.

“i think,” darry says slowly, “you felt what you felt. that’s pretty fair.”

pony looks up at him. “but i made you sound like some kind of drill sergeant.”

darry’s lips curl — more into a grimace than a smile.

“pretty good comparison,” he mutters. “i didn’t always… handle things the best way.”

pony blinks at the admission. it’s not like darry never apologizes — he does, for little things. but he rarely admits his mistakes. not in a bad way, pony thinks. darry just hates being anything short of perfect.

“you were trying your best,” pony says, quiet now. “i get that now.”

darry nods. “still am.”

pony studies darry’s face for a beat. his eyes are tired, but there’s still a spark in them — one that says he can do more, that there’s a fire in him. he used to think darry was made of stone, all control and jagged edges. now pony could see the cracks.

“i used to think you were trying to be dad,” pony looks at his hands.

darry lets out a breath. “yeah, i probably was.”

“i didn’t make it easy on you,” pony notes.

darry laughs a little. “no, you didn’t. but you ain’t gotta. i’m ‘sposed to make it easier for you.”

pony shrugs. “we both messed up.”

darry looks at him, and for once, there’s no weight behind his gaze. just quiet sort of relief. “guess that’s true.”

“you ain’t gotta be perfect, dar. you can’t get everything right.” pony lifts his gaze.

darry leans back against the wall, shoulders relaxing. “i’m learning that now. i ain’t ever been good at talkin’. not like soda. not like you. but i’m tryin’, kid.”

darry puts his arm around pony’s shoulder and pulls him close. in a rare moment of silence, soda joins the group hug too.

they just sit like that, the three of them pressed together on the couch, quiet but not heavy. no one in a hurry to move. no one pretending they don’t need this.

for the first time in a long time, pony isn’t waiting for anything. he just closes his eyes and enjoys the moment.

[mikahsstudio]

my record of repeats-per-week is 400

If “Death’s At My Door” has no fans I’m dead

[mikahsstudio]

who’s gonna be the PAUL to my DARRY

"whos gonna be the darry to my paul?!?!" I say as they drag me in a white padded room