mind-of-mud

[mind-of-mud]

wait until yall hear that the US is in its empirical infancy and is experiencing its first extremist regime which forces a drastic change in societal and governmental structures! 😁

[mind-of-mud]

Do I need to lock in or do I need to be locked up?

[mind-of-mud]

during the summer time i see people earn for the return of gloomy skies and rainy days. for a long time i had the same bitterness about me. though now, i look up at the piercing blue sky and i feel the blistering heat on my skin. it is pure.

our tempers must not be so reliant on the forces of nature, but on the preconceptions we carry close to our hearts.

abandon your gloomy aesthetics, if they exist as mere facades. live. i implore you — live!

for when we die, we will not remember whether the skies were gloomy or bright. we will remember the love we experienced in the embrace of this earth and this time.

[mind-of-mud]

Calls to "remain/be human" resemble the "have some empathy" rhetoric a little too much.

[mind-of-mud]

sometimes i like to think about the person i might be if the adults looking down at me in 2000-something were kinder

[mind-of-mud]

my heart aches at the thought that my mother is a person too

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our cat (dr. hannibal lecter) having just a small sleep

[mind-of-mud]

average girlblogger

[mind-of-mud]

i left my toothbrush downstairs five days ago. my mouth aches. a filling of maggots crawling down my throat. i feel ill, and my teeth are loose, and i don’t know what to do with myself anymore. so i drink up the mouthwash and it burns my skin as it runs down my chin. and i’m disappointed with the person i have become.

[mind-of-mud]

As a human, I have done many terrible things. As a human, I have cried myself to sleep over the things that I can't take back. As a human, I picked myself up and hummed myself a lullaby as I took my broken pieces to allow them to grow into something new and whole again. As a human, I know I will never be perfect. As a human, I will embrace and love every part of me, because it's okay to try and be better than who I was once.

I am human. I have hurt.

But I am also healing, and the lullabies I sing to myself are no longer broken in melody, but something soft and vulnerable and sweet. And when I have that, I can be beautiful, and I can be love.

[mind-of-mud]

The feminine urge to not be like your mother

[mind-of-mud]

the barbie movie has slowly made me realize that maybe i never hated being a girl. maybe i just hated the way i was treated for it.

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I wish I had taken pictures. I wish I had saved the videos. I wish I didn’t destroy everything I had back then, everything that would’ve showed me who I was and what roads I’ve traveled.

I don’t remember the past all that well. I don’t remember yesterday all that well either. I think that maybe it’s better this way. But I wish I had the pictures, just to show me that it was real. I wish I had the videos so that I could stop forgetting their voices. I suppose I wish I had a lot of things.

I don’t miss my past. I can’t imagine missing my past. It was a vile place for a child. It was violent and terrifying. It has never been a refuge. But I do miss my memories. I wish I could see what teenage me saw as they walked Hollywood Boulevard alone in the middle of the night. And I wish I could hear what teenage me heard as they were being thrashed around a garage show mosh pit. But most of all, I wish I could feel what it felt like to be someone that wasn’t me.