mindfogandsleep

[mindfogandsleep]

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

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"disability only exists because the world isnt accessible" idk how to tell you this but chronic pain still hurts

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choosing to allocate spoons to hanging out and having a good time at the cost of perfectly completing all your work is not a failing it is in fact an act of survival. “too sick to work = too sick to play” is in fact ableist bullshit that you don’t have to buy into. and the fact that leisure time is treated like a privilege is a fucking travesty

[mindfogandsleep]

cannot relate to people who don't feel trapped in their own brain we are simply too different. "your brain is you" ummm no it's not? my brain is a warden enforcing my punishment for a crime i never committed and it keeps slamming its baton against the bars of my enclosure to rattle me

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[mindfogandsleep]

Your friends and family with chronic pain aren't doing well.

Yes, even the ones that say they are.

Yes, especially the ones that are complaining and lashing out already.

Chances are high that however bad they will admit things are it's actually worse. By a lot.

We're conditioned to be "okay". If we're breaking down at non scheduled times we aren't coping well. I promise.

Your sibling/partner/bestie/parent who is breaking down without preamble on a Tuesday is suffering. Be kind. We're sorry.

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im just not convinced humans were ever meant to be this busy

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[mindfogandsleep]

"quick meal for when you're low on spoons!" *involves chopping vegetables* *uses a stove* *includes condiments* *involves letting something set/rest/simmer* *requires multiple kitchen items that will need to be washed* *estimated prep time: 30–45 minutes*

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im tired of disabled people being sacrificed on the altar of "eco friendliness"

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me when my disabilities disable me:

[mindfogandsleep]

Here's the thing, I've been chronically ill for over half my life. I was first ill at 13 and now I'm 32.

There have been times when I couldn't leave the house without a wheelchair, there have been times I've needed a walker or a walking stick but there have always been times that I've done higher education or had a job and coped well with it.

In every single one of those times I've been a chronically ill person. Even when I was doing things like going to uni or having a job, it was still harder. I was living what appeared to be a healthy person's life while not actually being particularly healthy.

It's so easy to feel like you're a faker. Because chronic illnesses are so misunderstood and because we're even told outright that that's not a thing or not that bad or surely it's fixable. And we internalise that. We become our own ableist enemies.

That's why it's so important to take a moment every so often and remember that no one is faking this. You didn't trick everyone around you, including yourself. You are actually a person living with a chronic illness.

[mindfogandsleep]

Reminder that healthy people don't feel pain daily

Healthy people don't go to bed in agony from doing minor daily tasks

Reminder that you're not faking because you managed to do more than usual today.

You're not faking it if you can do more than another person with the same illness.

You're not faking it if your symptoms are less one day.

You didn't make it all up if you have a period where your symptoms are more manageable.

[mindfogandsleep]

it's not internalized ableism when people stare at your body to the point you feel ashamed (it's a microaggression)

it's not internalized ableism when you long for the body you used to have (it's grief)

it's not internalized ableism if you feel that disability should be a neutral thing but it's painful for you (both things can be true at the same time)

internalized ableism comes from the outside too. you are allowed to grieve and be angry and recognize the systemic oppression we face.

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if u feel the first cramp and think "i dont need a painkiller yet, itll pass" ? that the devil speaking, take that painkiller immediately

[mindfogandsleep]

Mum: maybe if you slept less in the day you'd get to sleep easier in the night.

Me: *skips nap time because it feels manageable that day*

Me at 1:30am:

(don't come for my mum, she's super supportive regarding my chronic illnesses and only said that as part of a conversation I initiated about worrying I was sleeping too much in the day)