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[minhosbxtch]

HELP WHAT IS THIS APPLE?

[minhosbxtch]

the real reason azriel is frothing at the mouth about the mating bond and fantasizing about lucien challenging him to a blood rite is because he’s pissed off that elain got a vanserra and he didn’t. first eris doesn’t nasty make out with him in front of everyone when he body slams him during the high lord meeting, and now lucien’s off the market? its devastating. the only thing keeping him going is the fact that gwyn’s a snarky, stubborn redhead too and mama did NOT raise a quitter

[minhosbxtch]

Snap

Eris x reader

This was longer than I planned but oh well :)

Also if you can spot the Aaron Warner reference you get 10 points

Lmk if I should make a part 2

Warnings: SH by fire, language, drinking?, slight spicy at the end but no smut

Mother, this entire thing was awful. You were pining after Azriel who was pining after Elain who was mated to Lucien.

Elain. You tried to like her and continued to be kind to her but she never failed to piss you off. How did someone with no personality, no fire, have not one, but two great, hard-working males wrapped around her finger.

Why would Azriel want you though? You were the one Rhys told to do all his dirty work. You were his personal hit-man.

You worked up quite the reputation, never failing a job, never getting distracted. You had worked your way into the Inner Circle by being loyal and quite the secret keeper.

But it had its perks. Like right now you were invited to the ball in the Hewn City.

Since people were still arriving you were still standing in front of Nesta who was standing in front of Cassian, to his delight.

You loved them both dearly and wished only for them to be happy, but you were jealous. You wanted what they had, or what Rhys and Feyre had. Someone who would unconditionally love you. Someone that would fight for you. Someone that would burn the world for you.

Hopefully that person being Azriel.

You and Nesta bonded over your love for the villains in stories. You would gossip for hours on your favorite romance books where the hero would fall for the villain, and then get hurt and the villain would be furious and all protective.

Well that was until she found Cassian.

Now it was all 'Sorry I can't I'm going out with Cassian.'

You were happy for them, truly. But you craved that more than anything. Something to fill your loneliness. Someone to fill your loneliness.

Your hands smoothed down the skirts of your black dress as you watched the people dance and drink.

You could see Keir out of the corner of your eye talking to a male. He was unfamiliar to you. He was one of the most beautiful males you'd seen, and that was saying something since you lived with the Bat Boys and Lucien.

Holy shit that's Eris.

You didn't recognize him at first without his long hair. But you had to admit, it brought out the sharpness of his face even more. His golden eyes seemed to pierce through Keir as he towered over the male.

Eris met your eyes and grinned, tilting his head. Clenching your jaw, you pulled your eyes away from him, looking dead ahead at nothing.

You could see him and Keir begin to approach the dais that the throne sat on. Still, you remained staring straight ahead.

You did sneak a glance as he bowed to Rhys and Feyre, which was more of incline of his head. Quickly, you changed your features into a sneer, like you were above having to bow.

But when Eris did come up from "bowing", he wasn't looking at the High Lord or High Lady. No, he was looking at you. His gaze still remained on you as Rhysand welcomed him. He steadily met your eyes, only dropping once to look at the quite revealing gown you had on.

Your blood burned through your veins as you continued to meet his gold eyes.

"Well Eris, you may have a dance with her if you wish since you are clearly so distracted," Rhys said nonchalantly, in the voice of the High Lord.

At once Eris' eyes snapped to Rhysand before saying, "Thank you my Lord," before bowing yet again before starting towards you.

If you hadn't trained yourself to show no emotion you might've turned to Rhysand and laughed.

Sorry, Rhys spoke in your mind, sounding amused.

Fucking hell, you'd have to get Feyre to try to help figure out a way to send a mental death stare. It probably wouldn't have been the best idea to send your High Lord a glare that promised hell in front of Eris, Keir, and the entire Court of Nightmares.

Eris stopped a stair below you and gave you a bow, lower that the one he gave for Rhys and Feyre, before extending his hand to you.

His eyes seemed almost unsure, but since there was an audience you took his hand and before you could move to the floor, he bowed his head and kissed your hand.

It unnerved you. Not that he kissed your hand but his eyes remained on your face the entire time. Even though he wasn't smirking, you could see the male pride in his eyes.

His hand and lips were warm, but a nice, homey kind of heat instead of the sweaty, humid type that Cassian tended to give off.

The Inner Circle's shock was almost tangible. Not just the fact that he kissed your hand but also that he stood a step below you and bowed, far lower to you the the High Lord and Lady.

You were surprised too but you didn't show it.

You. An assassin. A nobody before you worked your ass off to prove yourself to the Inner Circle.

You were still in shock when he swept you to the dance floor before the song began and bowed to you, yet again, but this time it was almost mocking. His smirking face as he bowed, eyes never leaving your face.

He carefully intertwined his fingers with yours before putting his hand on your waist, his sharp eyes never leaving your face.

It didn't make sense. All of the tales of how awful and wicked didn't seem to line up to the male that stood in front of you. The male that bowed to you twice and not once looked at you in a way that made your skin crawl or feel even slightly uncomfortable.

But hell this was nice. Especially the fact that out of everyone in the ballroom he chose you.

The only reason you could even dance was because of your elegance. But that came from being an assassin and learning how to step carefully around the puddles of blood to not get your new shoes bloody.

You looked into his molten eyes as he began to lead you through the steps of the dance. You had a similar sense of etherealness as Nesta, but you had no idea what you were doing. Still, you did not falter. When you did a complicated twirl, Eris was right there, hands warm on your waist, spinning you.

After a grand flourish he caught you as the music ended. You both were panting and your faces were very very very close together.

Too close to look accidental.

You were sure your cheeks were bright red, and not from the dance.

Eris smiled softly and gently pulled you back up, righting you and then stepping away. When no one asked to switch partners he gave you a sly, questioning look to which you nodded.

The song that started playing was much slower and involved a lot less grand flourishes than the previous ones did.

You put both hands on his shoulders as he put both hands on your waist.

Since this one was slower, the only thing you could do was talk since there was not a lot of movement.

The silence was unbearable. Damn it. Why was this so hard? Usually talking and getting information came easy.

Putting on the uncaring facade you said sneering, "Your hair looked better long." You almost groaned out loud, mentally slapping yourself for your poor conversation tactics.

To be honest his hair didn't matter. He looked beautiful either way, but the short hair gave him a cold, sharp, godly look.

He chuckled before saying, "If you liked it better then I'll grow it back out for you. But not as messy as that brute."

"Cassian is nothing even close to a brute, so watch your fucking mouth asshole," you seethed.

Eris gave you a warning look and bent down close to your face to whisper, "Language princess. Only those who cannot express themselves intelligently would resort to such crude substitutions in vocabulary."

Shit your palms definitely were sweaty. And Eris' warmth wasn't helping.

Especially the fact he called you princess.

He, clearly also picked up on your sweaty palms, asking mockingly, "Is it because I intimidate you? Am I making you nervous?"

Mother you had no idea what to say. So, you stayed quiet, glaring at the wall over his shoulder.

"Calm down love. We are all just joking around, are we not?"

"Well if you continue to 'joke around' then you won't have anything to joke around with."

He remained silent at that for a long while.

"There are no words to describe how beautiful you look tonight," he said quietly.

Your eyes widened at the change in conversation before saying the first thing that came to mind. "Are you saying I don't usually look beautiful?"

He smirked and looked you up and down as he said, "No no no. I was just saying, usually I see you in tight, assassin clothes, which those make you look seductive, but right now you look absolutely delicious," his voice dropped at the end of the sentence.

"Well you don't look to bad yourself," you said, cheeks flushed.

Well that was an understatement. He wore a orange sharp cut suit with gold accents that accentuated his muscles. And Mother, his muscles.

They were perfect. He was muscular but lean. He was perfect. Enough to forget about the dark haired, lean handsome male standing on the dais.

"Why thank you love, but I'm afraid I'm nothing in comparison to your loveliness," he said, leaning down to your ear.

Your cheeks were definitely bright red as you said, "Mother you're a shameless flirt," while trying to suppress a smile.

"Well only for you, darling," he said, smirking, "After all, it's not often I'm in the presence of an extravagant goddess."

"Well, I'm certainly not a goddess," you said smiling, your mask cracking.

He feigned a look of surprise, "That's impossible. There's no Fae, Illyrian, or mortal that even holds a candle to your beauty."

You laughed but your smile faded as Cassian approached saying, "Sorry to interrupt you both but Rhysand requires your presence," he said nodding to you.

You give Cassian a nod, before turning to Eris and curtsying mockingly, “Terribly sorry, but my High Lord requires my presence.”

Eris nodded in understanding before saying, “Of course. As long as you save me a couple dances later.”

You turned around to reply, but he was gone. Frowning you walked up towards the dais and curtseyed before asking, “How may I assist you, High Lord, High Lady?”

Rhys just motioned you to take the spot you were in earlier.

Washing your face of any emotion, you did as you were told. Standing on the same step as you did earlier, you could see a sudden flash of red hair.

You shifted slightly but it was not Eris, but Lucien who stood with Elain on his arm. Resisting the urge to smirk at Azriel, you continued to scan the crowd for Eris.

Looking for someone? An amused voice said inside your head.

No. I was seeing if there was any threats. You weren't technically lying, Eris was a son of a rival High Lord, classifying him as someone to keep an eye on.

Like the one you danced with earlier? Rhys said.

You didn't respond but turned around to make eye contact and gave him a glare that had sent men running. His eyes flashed and he shifted in his seat before giving you a warning look.

What? If I dance with him then there's no time to double cross us.

Very well. Just don't let him deceive you. Rhys relented.

You had no intention to let him deceive you. You were stupid for being caught off guard by earlier. A few pretty words and you were reduced to a defenseless, blushing maiden.

No.

You were a fucking assassin, and you let someone get in your head? No, that wouldn't happen again.

Two could play at this game.

After winding through the crowd for several minutes, you still hadn't spotted the Eris Vanserra. All of the butterflies in your stomach had disappeared. Eris was just another of your targets.

Something else to conquer.

That was all.

People had given you a wide berth for the cold, calculated look on your face.

They knew you were hunting.

Several of them had kept their eyes on you as you prowled around the ballroom, trying to find your prey.

After a couple more minutes you gave up and started back towards the dais.

Rhys, Azriel, and Cassian were not up there. Now that you noticed it, they weren't anywhere in here.

They're probably doing business with Eris.

Yes. That would be the most reasonable solution. Still, the unnerving feeling didn't go away, if anything, it got stronger.

People. There were too many people. They crowded you, they were trapping you.

The feeling started in your stomach as an uncomfortable lump. You could feel it spreading. Speeding your heart rate up and making your limbs feel like they weighed ten-fold. The lump in your stomach starting traveled until it was sitting in your throat. Now your stomach felt empty and your throat had an uncomfortable lump in it that prevented you from breathing comfortably.

There wasn't enough air. Your body felt too hot and too cold at the same time. You felt feverish.

Your steps began to pick up speed as you rushed to the set of double doors that led to the hallway outside.

You burst through the door and gulped big breaths of air, nearly panting. The warm, sweaty feeling was left in the ballroom with all the crowds of people.

You sat on one of the benches and leaned your head back against the wall, relishing in the feel of the cool air in the drafty hallway.

Only a couple minutes later, something gave a hard tug in your chest. So forceful it was almost painful. At first, you thought you imagined it before it happened again, more urgently this time. Still, you ignored it, content to sitting on your bench.

After the second tug, you waited a few minutes outside to make sure it was over.

Smoothing your dress and hair you entered the ballroom again to see that Rhys, Azriel, and Cassian were back.

When Rhysand saw you enter he spoke in your mind saying to go join them up on the steps.

After you took your place, Rhys stood up and said in a booming voice, "Terribly sorry to say, but my Inner Circle and I have things to discuss and things to do."

No one cared. Honestly, they were probably happier to see you go just as much as you were to leave.

As one, you and the Inner Circle came together and winnowed out of Hewn City.

As the familiar streets of Velaris came into view you could hear Cassian say, "Mother I need a drink. Who's coming with me?"

Mor snorted before saying, "I already wasn't sober when we got there but I need more after that," she turned to you before asking, "You wanna go to?"

You shook your head before saying quietly, "I don't need a drink, I need some fucking sleep."

Usually you would since Azriel usually went but now you needed to sort through your own mess.

"Of course you do. You were with Eris," she said, looking at you with sympathy.

For some reason that made you angry. Saying nothing you clenched your jaw at her words.

Feyre, Mother bless her, saved you from your anger by saying with a smile, "Here I'm going to go back too. You go enjoy your fun."

Feyre was truly a gift from the Mother.

Only you and Feyre weren't going to Rita's. They all would get brain dead drunk, and poor Azriel had to go be responsible and get them home.

"So... What was going on with you and Eris. I thought you were going to launch yourself at Mor earlier," the High Lady said softly.

Instead of replying, you just took your mental walls down and showed her everything. You knew she was able to sense every feeling you had and at this point you didn't care. It was some much easier than explaining to her.

She remained silent beside you, processing what happened. "Well I think he actually likes you," she started. "Really! When he danced with Nesta he didn't genuinely compliment her like that. Much less bow and kiss her hand," she said at your skeptical look.

"And there's also the fact that he stood on a lower stair then you and then bowed to you. I know you know this, your just ignoring it," Feyre said, calling you out.

"Yeah I'm ignoring it. All of you hate him and there's no point in trying to pursue anything anyways," you said, rolling your eyes.

"And did something happen?" You asked.

"What do you mean?"

You tried to find the words but gave up, showing her instead when felt the tugs.

"I don't know what that means," Feyre said cautiously, "Here we'll talk more about this tomorrow."

She was hiding something. You'd corner her tomorrow about it when you were less tired and less emotional.

After exchanging your goodnights, you started for your room. It used to be an empty guest room until Rhys had given it to you and told you to decorate it however you want.

At first the room had been so dreary. Everything was black. Black shelves, sheets, blankets, paint, doors. When you started spending more time in your room, you began to redecorate it where it was almost unrecognizable.

The walls were painted the lightest green and the shelves, desks, nightstands, dresser, and bedframe had been painted dark brown, almost black. All over the room there were plants. No flowers, just green ferns, succulents, and cacti. There was swirls of ivy that went along the shelves, headboard and ceiling.

You had replaced the chandelier with one that was almost like crystal leaves. The couches were dark wood with sage green cushions and orange pillows. Your bed pallet was similar as the couches. All of the books you had collected had been neatly organized along the shelves and anywhere you had space.

Several Solstices ago, Feyre had gotten you lights that you could hang along the walls change color. They were always set to a nice medium orange that reflected perfectly against the rest of the room.

The place was entirely unrecognizable.

Unfortunately, no one had been in your room to notice.

You splashed the makeup off your face, unglamoured your skin, and took your dress off, sighing in relief from the tight grip. Getting into sleep clothes you immediately collapsed into bed and sleep took you away.

You were dreaming.

All you saw was blood. And someone was screaming. Loud, gut-wrenching screams of pure undiluted terror.

You were holding a silver sword, but your hands... they weren't yours. They were much larger and veiner, and honestly, quite hot.

You felt like you and whoever this was were only one person, that you shared all thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

You were one and the same.

Banishing that thought from your mind, you watched as the person approached a man sitting in a chair who was watching as a slender, auburn haired women was being held down and backhanded over and over.

The anger that coursed through you was red hot flames as you raised the sword over the man's head and swung.

Beron's head rolled on the ground, his crown rolling to a stop at your feet. The guards stopped and looked over.

Immediately they let the lady go, but you could only watch through a red haze as the sword came down and down again on each guard.

Dropping the sword the person sank to their knees next to the women.

She quickly scooted back as your skin became itching, burning, like an army of ants was crawling under your skin.

In a sudden, harsh wave of agony, your vision went black yet again.

You woke up violently to Cassian pounding your door saying that he was the one who drank all night and was still up before you.

Rolling your eyes you shut the door in his face. Judging by his yelling, he didn't like your attitude.

Well too bad. You felt like absolute shit. Similar to how you felt last night, the feverish, itchy sensation was back, and much stronger.

You needed to tell Feyre about what you saw, who you saw.

As you got dressed, the dream started fading quickly until you only remembered important parts, like the hot hands.

Less than 10 minutes later, you went downstairs to see no one there but a note scribbled hastily on the table.

Y/N,

I'm sure you've noticed already that we aren't there. There was a conflict that we needed to take care of. I sent Cassian to make sure you were awake before telling him to come with us. You can have the day off.

Feyre

Well then. Your going back to bed since there was no reason for you to be awake.

Except you couldn't.

After laying in bed for hours you couldn't fall asleep, especially since your skin was crawling.

With a huff you turned over only to see Feyre's painting of the Inner Court, including you, sitting on your bedside table.

She had gifted it to you last Solstice with the intention of making you feel like you belonged. While you appreciated her sweet intentions it did the complete opposite.

Her and Rhysand were in the center where they stood smiling, bent over Nyx, who was sound asleep. Next to Feyre stood Gwyn who was smiling at Nyx with her arm wrapped around Nesta's shoulders who clearly was trying not to smile at Cassian, who had an arm wrapped around her waist and was leaning down next to her ear. Behind Nesta stood Emerie who looked so precious as she grinned from ear to ear, standing, arms linked with Mor, who as usual, looked perfect.

You were standing next to Mor and was peeking at Nyx over Rhys' shoulder with Lucien on your other side, smiling towards the frame.

The only mistake you think she made was his eyes. Lucien's eyes looked happy, joyful. Despite that on just the other side of him stood Azriel, who had his arm around Elain and they were giving each other lovey-dovey eyes.

In reality, Lucien's eyes would be bitter and yours would be dull as well.

Gwyn would be another option for Azriel, but that didn't bother you as much as Elain did.

She had a sweet, supportive, respectful, smart mate who put no pressure on her to immediately accept the bond and even distanced himself from her to give her room to breath. And yet, even then, she went for another male.

But part of you couldn't blame her. Part of you said that if you were that pretty than maybe people would actually want you.

To silence those voices and thoughts you reached to the candle you kept beside your bed and held it in your lap.

You rolled up your sleeve to reveal the precise burn marks all along your forearm. They were in perfect lines, wrapping all around your arm up past your elbow.

Your other arm looked the same.

You were running out of room.

Before you could rethink your decision you held the flame up to your arm and bit your lip hard to keep quiet.

You genuinely didn't feel any emotion other then self-hatred, so you stared at the light, eyes dry, face blank.

5 hours later, Feyre and the others showed up, clearly exhausted by whatever happened.

A couple minutes later you received a summoning to Rhys' office. Inside sat him and Feyre, looking grave.

With a nod as a greeting, you sat down in front of them and politely asked, "How can I be of assistance?"

"So polite. Well darling isn't it nice to see you again. Not even a hello?" a voice drawled out from the corner of the room.

You sighed before saying, still facing forward, "Hello Eris."

He came into your line of vision and leaned against the desk and said, "Hello princess. So this is what you wear when I'm not around."

You turned your head coolly towards him before sucking in a breath.

He had a large bruise on his temple, jaw, and cheek and a deep cut along his opposite cheek, yet he almost seemed to glow with power. His eyes burned bright gold yet they seemed tired.

"I know I'm beautiful love, but you don't need to gape," he said, trying to put effort into a smirk.

As much as you tried to quell it, you couldn't deny the anger that rushed through you at his appearance.

"What happened? Who did this to you?" You demanded.

At your outburst, Eris raised an eyebrow and smirked before saying, "I'm flattered, love. I had no idea how much you cared."

Ignoring his remark you asked, "Was it Beron? Is that why you cut his head off?"

His smirk only grew wider. "So you did see that."

"See what?" Rhysand spoke up.

You shifted your eyes to him, saying, "I had a dream where a women was getting backhanded, over and over by soldiers. And I was in someone else's body and they cut his head off."

His eyebrows rose before asking, "And when were you going to inform us of this?"

"Considering I had the dream last night, I was planning to tell you today," you shot back.

At Eris' chuckle you sent him a dark glare which he returned with another smirk.

"Show me," Rhys demanded.

It took him a minute or two before he looked back at you and said, "What you saw was true. Eris is now High Lord and Beron was killed by him. You know exactly why and how you saw that, don't you?"

You stiffened and refused to look at Eris. "Yes," was all you said.

Rhysand nodded and said, "That is what we were meeting about today so you are dismissed."

Still averting your eyes, you walked out into the hallway but you only got a few steps in before someone grabbed your wrist, lightly tugging you around.

It was Eris.

You looked at him with disregard and asked, "Yes?"

He gave you a pointed look at your arm, to which you stiffened even more, before asking, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," you said before turning around to walk away.

Another tug had you facing him again.

Exasperated, you asked, "What do you want?"

"I want you," was all he said before quickly adding, "and for you to be okay and not hurt yourself."

At your untrusting look he blew out a breath of air and continued, "You realize I can feel your emotions. We're mates whether you want to admit it or not. You also showed me that."

You opened your mouth to respond but he cut you off by stepping closer and saying, "And as much as you hate it, you want me. I know you want me princess. Almost as much as I want you."

You didn't say anything but your cheeks might've for you. They were certainly a deep red.

Eris chuckled before tilting your chin up and looking you dead in the eyes, saying, "I won't pressure you into this, but I ask that you at least give me some conside--"

You pulled him down by his collar and kissed him briefly.

His eyes were wide before smiling and forcing you backwards against the wall before kissing you again, longer this time.

Gently, Eris held you against the wall, weak enough that you could escape if you wanted to.

But you didn't.

Mother you didn't.

He felt right. One of his hands was on your cheek occasionally tangling in your hair, the other on the curve of your waist.

His body gave off the similar warmth that he did at the ball but this time, he was significantly warmer, or maybe that was you.

Eris let out a sigh, something akin to a moan against your lips as you tugged on his hair roughly. Both of his hands slid towards your thighs and pulled them up to settle them around his waist. You could feel how hard he was in between your legs.

Your higher position gave him easy access to your neck, making you let out a quiet whine as he bit and sucked down your jaw to your collarbone.

You grabbed his head and forced it back up to kiss again, tongues fighting for dominance.

"If you both could take this somewhere else instead of in my hallway that would be much appreciated," yelled Rhys from inside his office.

Both of you tore apart and came to your senses. Eris gently lowered you back down and cleared his throat, color dusting his cheeks.

"I have to go back to the Autumn Court, but I will try to visit as much as I am able to. And love, don't do that anymore," he said with a pointed glance at your arms, eyes flaring.

You just nodded, to breathless for words.

Before you got the chance to turn around, Eris stopped you saying, "If you'd want it, there will always be a place for you in my Court."

Hesitating you said, "I will discuss it with Feyre and Rhys."

You really wanted to go with him. A High Lord, your mate? It was too good to be true. But, you still have duties her and it wouldn't be great for Court relations if you just left.

You tried to silently convey your feelings to Eris without words since your High Lord and Lady were definitely listening.

His eyes softened and he nodded in understanding.

He would wait.

[minhosbxtch]

Heat Kissed

Eris x Reader

Just a short fluffy moment

No warnings I think :)

The only sound in your spacious bedroom was the occasional turn of pages from the book in your hand.

You had just taken a shower and put your hair in a towel to dry for a bit before picking up your latest book. You hadn't read this one before. You had read most of the books in the Autumn Court library since marrying Eris.

Eris had seen your love of books and immediately taken you to the library where you read all day, curled up in a large armchair while Eris was working on reports at the desk.

That used to be how you spent your days but lately, Eris has had to have meetings almost all day about how he would reign. Beron's mysterious death had left a large gap and many people questioned how Eris would rule. Would he be cruel and heartless like Beron?

The answer was clearly no.

He had shown you that side of him years ago before you married him. He had bought you flowers, books, little trinkets, or anything that caught your eye. Not because he felt obligated to, no, he wanted to. Eris wanted to shower you with gifts to show he loved and appreciated you in ways he could not express in words, thanks to the lack of affection from Beron.

But the people didn't know that. So he showed them. He invested into helping poor families or people affected by the war. He invested more money into food sources and orphanages.

He showed his people true concern, something that most of them had never seen by a leader.

He was waiting before he declared you his High Lady. Most of the males still had outdated views on females. Eris, not wanting to expose you to that, told you he would, but not until he didn't have to worry about you being hurt.

You squealed as you continued to read about the main character who had just gotten gravely injured. You continued to read furiously as villain saw and chased the guy--

Suddenly, the door to the bedroom burst open as Eris stormed into the room. He didn't say a word to you as he walked to the bathroom and gently shut the door behind him.

It wasn't anything personal. He made sure you knew that. Some of his advisors were similar to his father and it made him furious. So, instead of him taking his anger out on you, he would go in the bathroom and come out when he was cooled off.

He had to watch as his father abused his mother mentally, and physically and made sure that he didn't accidently yell at you.

You knew he would come out when he was ready so you continued reading.

A couple chapters later, Eris emerged, having changed into a set of comfortable pants and holding a brush in his hand.

Not saying a word, he went over and sat on the wide couch, tucked next to the window. Shrugging off the covers, you went over and curled up in his lap with your book, as usual.

Eris gently took the towel from your head and using a brush to gently comb your hair.

Every night you both would sit on that couch and you would read, sometimes aloud, while Eris did your hair. Or, when a meeting was particularly bad, he would do your hair while ranting to you.

You had a feeling tonight was one of those nights, considering his body was giving off a larger than normal amount of heat.

Instead of pushing him, you gently set your book down on the table and waited for him to start talking.

He started to take a few strands and wrap them around his finger before channeling a bit of heat to dry them into perfect curls.

Eris did this several more times until he finally let out a heavy sigh before saying, "Honestly I should get rid of some of them."

"What'd they do this time," you asked softly.

"So lately I've been changing laws to where females have rights and aren't fucking used as property? Well some of the older advisors are being a more than usual pain in the ass," Eris said fuming.

You knew that wasn't the full story. They were always pains in the ass but it must be worse than usual since Eris was cussing and radiating a large amount of heat, to the point where you had started to sweat.

Pressing your lips together you asked, "Was that it or were they being worse than usual?"

Eris' hands paused in your hair and he went silent for a few seconds. "It's nothing they were just making some unnecessary comments," he said sharply.

Making comments about you is what that meant.

You raised an eyebrow at him. It was nothing new.

The advisors had made their distaste about you clear from the moment they heard you were sharing Eris' bed. Of course they would be. You took their chance of them trying to marry off their daughters to the High Lord.

"Well that's nothing new. They always talk shit and you know that," you said gently.

Eris huffed a breath before saying, "You're acting like that makes it better. They talk shit about my fucking mate right in front of me. They act like you don't deserve me even though I'm the one that's not worthy."

You turned your head around slowly to face him fully. "Eris fucking Vanserra. You better listen to me. Next time you lie to me I will smack the shit out of you."

"Oh darling," he purred, "I don't think you remember where that gets you. Usually I'm the one smacking you."

Your eyes went wide before quickly turning back around.

You could feel him chuckle through your back.

You felt his hands gently begin stroke your wet hair again before continuing to pick strands out and curl them around his fingers.

His fingers moved in a steady rhythm as his heat, which was blazing earlier, lessened to a warm comforting blanket over you both.

Several minutes later after he was finished, you stood up and went to go get ready for bed after a forehead kiss from Eris.

After you finished, you grabbed the book on the nightstand and crawled back into bed beside Eris.

He immediately shifted his head onto his lap as you propped the book up and started to read aloud, absentmindedly stroking his hair.

There was something about these moments that you just loved. Maybe it was Eris. Maybe it was just spending time with him. Maybe you just wanted him to keep you from freezing to death.

Probably all three.

But it was probably him trusting you enough to be vulnerable with you. For him to lay in your lap and fall asleep was an amount of trust he had for no one else.

Noticing he was asleep, you set the book down before turning extinguishing the candle by your bed.

You gently untangled Eris' limbs from yours as you attempted to get into a more comfortable position.

Bitch, you thought.

If you laid down you'd fall off the side of the bed.

Fine. If he wanted to get on your side you'd just get up and go to his side.

Cursing softly, you attempted to rise without waking him. You felt an arm wrap around your waist and pull you back. Eris flipped you over him so you were laying on his side.

"Where you going?" Eris asked, voice husky with sleep as his nose prodded your skin above your ear.

"You took my side so I was going to take yours," you responded, smiling softly.

He sighed, protesting, "You could have just woke me up."

Humming in response, you closed your eyes.

The last thing you could feel was Eris' smile against your head before kissing you and saying, "Goodnight Little Fox."

[minhosbxtch]

Bloodthirsty

Azriel x reader

Warnings: SA, mentions of self harming, language, drinking, a LOT of gore

"Corn syrup. Same stuff they used for pig's blood in Carrie."

I'm fangirling like i wish i was his finger in that

GOD DAMN YALL IM HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HIM AND STU

if yall have any fic recommendations for either one (or both) PLEASE tell me

ANYWAYS back to this fic

"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!" You screamed at Azriel, tears streaming down your face.

"WHY?" Azriel yelled back.

"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"

He looked at you furiously.

Mother, the nerve on this male.

"I'll be back in an hour, and you and your stuff better be out," you hissed as you stormed out, slamming the door behind you, being careful of your wings. You could feel the mating bond wrench painfully in your chest but you ignored it, slamming a protective barrier over it.

You were about to go to Nesta's house, but you figured she was busy with Cassian. Feyre was busy with Nyx, and Amren wasn't an option. Mor's it was.

You flew in a daze to Mor's apartment as your tears started to spill over.

You banged on the door, and she was there in an instant, catching you as you crumpled to the ground.

With you still in her arms, she carried you over the threshold and closed the door with her magic.

Mor tilted your face up and brushed your tears away before gently asking, "What's wrong?"

You took a deep shuddering breath and answered between sobs, "Az cheated with Elain. I kicked him out."

Her mouth dropped open, and she put her arms around you and held you close as sobs wrecked your body.

With your head wedged under her chin, she rocked your body back and forth while stroking your hair.

You didn't know what to do. A mate was the one person meant to love you. A mate sure as hell wasn't supposed to cheat on you and be with someone else.

The bond was quiet. Each of you had shut down your side. The rope connecting you two was fraying.

The pain was nothing like you'd ever felt. It was a sharp, digging pain and a deep, dull ache.

You and Azriel had been mates since Rhys returned from Under the Mountain. You knew you had loved him before you knew you were mated. You assumed those feelings were reciprocated, but apparently not. Supposedly, the mating bond didn't mean anything as well.

"Hey," Mor said softly, "Do you want me to invite the girls over tonight? We can drink ourselves into oblivion. Don't worry, we'll stay here."

You just nodded against her chest, too tired for words.

After a few moments, Mor spoke again, "I asked Rhys if he'd ask them and let me know if they could."

You hesitated for a moment before asking, "Did you tell him to not invite Elain?"

"Of course. Oh, he wanted to ask if it was okay if Cassian and him came as well."

You debated on it before deciding that you needed their presence too.

At your nod, Mor said that they'd be here in about half an hour.

Once Mor helped you stand up, she led you to the kitchen where she gave you bread, cheese, and fruits.

"Thank the Mother for you, Mor," you said, your mouth full of grapes.

She laughed at your predicament before going to the door, where someone had knocked, seconds before.

Cassian, Rhys, Feyre, and Nesta emerged from the open door.

Your heart sank as you realized how small your group looked. Lucien was who knows where. Amren and Varian were at their apartment. Azriel and Elain were not there thankfully.

Nesta came to sit next to you, stealing a grape. You let out an outraged sound until she pulled out a large bottle of wine, pouring you a hefty glass.

“I’ve never loved you more, Nes,” you sighed, taking a sip. You weren’t lying in the slightest.

Nesta was always there for you whether you liked it or not. And thank the Mother for that, or you would've died long ago.

Before Cassian could get over, Nesta whispered in your ear, "I've got a couple more, too," she said before winking and walking away.

Cassian's eyes were soft as he hugged you from behind while whispering, "If you need a place to stay just let me know," before sitting next to you.

While Cassian was the Lord of Bloodshed, he also was the closest thing to a brother you had. Which resulted in a few people being dispatched after talking shit to you. You knew he was supposed to be all scary, but really, he was just a big, funny teddy bear.

And a hungry teddy bear, you thought as he took the box of crackers and opened a whole sleeve for himself.

"Thanks, Cassian. I'll see, he's kicked out now but I might," you answered gratefully.

Cassian chuckled and leaned closer to you before asking quietly, "What happened?"

You took a deep breath before answering with, "I don't know the full extent of his relationship with Elain, but they're close enough to kiss and fuck. He's been distant lately, not coming home sometimes and talking less, but I trusted him. I saw them kiss and then go into Elain's room before I came home."

"When I confronted him about it, he started talking about how the three brothers were meant for the three sisters and our mating bond was wrong. I didn't want to hear anymore, so I kicked him out."

Cassian gently placed a hand on your shoulder in reassurance before saying, "Don't worry he'll come crawling back."

You gave him a grin that was all teeth. You'd seen Nesta do it when she threatened people, and it'd been effective.

"Oh, don't worry, he will once I'm done with him," you said hand straying to your boot where you hid your knife.

He saw where your hand strayed and his eyes widened before asking, "You gonna chop his dick off?"

Probably not you thought. But instead, you just gave him a wicked grin and said, "We'll see."

Cassian sent a quick, silent prayer to the Mother that you never ran into Azriel again. For the sake of his brother's balls. Well, perhaps he wasn't his brother anymore. Cassian loved him, but he couldn't stand to see you hurting, especially because of cheating.

You got up and walked over to everyone else in Mor's living room, leaving Cassian to his thoughts, taking the bottle with you.

-'~{~}~'-

You woke up to sunlight streaming through Mor's shutters. You groaned and sat up, a headache pounding at your temples.

You only remembered bits and pieces of last night. Just Mor telling everyone what happened, Nesta passing you bottle after bottle-

Mother your head was killing you.

Rubbing your temples you stumbled into the kitchen where you found a note from Rhys saying:

Meet me in my office ASAP. -Your most handsome High Lord, Rhysand

You found a bottle of headache pills and took some before shrugging on your coat and heading to the River House.

Strangely enough, the place was dead before you remembered that most of them would be at the House of Wind today, to discuss preparations for the upcoming Solstice.

Why Rhys wanted to meet here you had no idea. Perhaps it was to avoid Azriel and Elain. If that was the case then he was the fucking best High Lord in existance.

You knocked loudly on his office door. You used to not knock until you interrupted him and Feyre having sex on his desk.

You had not touched anything in the room since.

A muffled, "Come in," sounded before you pushed through the door to see Rhys sitting behind his desk, his face grim.

"I'm terribly sorry to ask you this, but I need you to start taking jobs," your High Lord said.

"What type of jobs?" You questioned.

"I believe you're familiar with the type of work Azriel does?" At your nod he continued, saying, "I'm afraid I need you to start doing some as well as living in the House of Wind in case I need you unexpectedly."

"I have all of the supplies you would need like clothes, armor, weapons, and poisons ready at any time for you to choose from. Your pay will obviously be large, if that's what you're worried about."

You just nodded carefully, ruffling your wings before asking, "When do I start?"

Rhys started at you for a long time, assessing, calculating, before answering with, "Whenever it would be convenient for you."

"Right now would be just fine."

You needed to take your anger out on someone, anyone. You needed something to take your mind off him. Needed something to do so you're mind wouldn't wander.

Rhys stood up and led you through a simple door.

Holy shittttt.

The other side was filled with every type of weapon you knew, and some you didn’t. There were swords, daggers, spears, axes, bows, a frisbee with spikes, and scary spiky ball on chain.

You avoided looking at the daggers, opting for a simply decorated sword. The blade was overall simple, but the blade was a dark black that seemed to suck the light out of the air around it. The rest of the sword was simple. The hilt was wrapped in a dark, oiled leather. A silver pommel with a shimmery white opal and a silvery rain guard.

You turned around to see Rhys holding a set of leathers that had armor built into it.

You picked up a sheath and buckled it into your new leathers. You had other weapons at home you would add on later.

Rhysand cleared his throat before handing you a thick file and saying, "Here. This has everything about each person in it. You can go whenever you want."

"Thanks, Rhys. I'll put these on and set off after," you say gratefully.

He nodded before pausing and pulling you into a firm hug, being careful to not touch your wings.

"Good luck," he whispered.

Your voice was thick as you said, "Thanks, but I won't need it."

He chuckled before letting you go and saying, "Alright, get out of here before I change your mind."

You saluted him before walking out and flying back to your apartment.

A half-hour later, you had a bag packed full of food, water, extra clothes, the file, and money. Feyre had gotten you the bag for Solstice one year, enchanted to be light no matter how heavy the objects were inside. It was designed to fit around wings so you could fly with it.

You spared 10ish minutes to read the file. Arnelt Geld was a well-connected hitman that Keir had hired several times to try to assassinate the High Lord and Lady. Rhys said in the special notes section that killing him would send a clear message to Keir and the Hewn City. After him, there was a list of others that were connected to Arnelt that Rhysand also wanted dead but you would need to get Arnelt's list of clients.

In the 'Special notes' area, Rhys wrote:

Arnelt has other clients besides Keir. I want you to get their names from him and kill them. -Your ever most handsome High Lord, Rhysand

You snorted and checked you had everything before starting for the door.

You passed the mirror in the entryway. You could barely tell that was you.

You looked like a servant of Death. A full armory was strapped to you including four daggers, two swords, and an axe. You didn't know what you would use the axe for exactly... Oh well, just if you got bored.

Your hair was in a high braid wrapped around itself to form a bun to keep it out of your face while flying.

You strapped the bag to your back before setting off to Hewn City.

-'~{~}~'-

You arrived at the address in the file. It was a short, stubby house that lacked any warmth. The entire thing was painted black but you couldn't tell since the paint was peeling so badly. The windows were smudged and covered with grime.

You knocked briskly on the door to see if anyone was home.

No answer.

As you walked around the back to avoid suspicion, you got a closer look at the wood. It was filled with small holes no doubt from some insect.

If you walked out here with no diseases, then it'd be a miracle.

As you reached the black porch, you saw several straggly, yellowed shrubs. Well the state of the house, you suppose, made sense since Arnelt was never home.

You cracked open the window next to the back door and slid in silently, before closing it behind you.

Wrinkling your nose, you examined the inside of the house. The inside was somehow worse than the outside. The curtains and couches were moth eaten and the rugs are not in much better shape. The wood making up the tables and cabinets was clearly rotten and the floorboards were probably as well.

You sat in one of the chairs and propped your feet up on the table and waited.

-'~{~}~'-

After almost an hour the front door creaked open and a heavyset man dressed in something similar to your leathers walked in.

He carried a bag of groceries with him, not noticing you sitting in his living room.

You just waited for him to find you.

Rustling sounded from the kitchen and cabinets banged until Arnelt came in and dropped his bowl when he saw you.

Giving him a vicious smile you said, "Now Arnelt, I need to know your list of employers. Once you tell me I'll just leave you here and go on my merry way," you lied.

He had wide eyes as he processed your words. It took him a minute before he said, "Well a pretty young thing like you shouldn't be in this business."

Your eyes flashed before saying, "Well the pretty young thing can take care of herself."

He leered closer and looked you up and down before sneering at you, "I like 'em feisty."

You kneed him in the chest and pushed him backwards on his couch before twisting his arm painfully.

He cried out and you leaned close to his ear and whispered, "Who employs you?"

"What?" Arnelt whimpered.

"You heard me. Who. Pays. You. Do you have a list or something or do I have to drag each name out of you?" You snarled, twisting his arm more, slashing a red line across his face, one half of an X.

Crying out again, he spoke between whimpers, "There's a list in the drawer."

"Where? Show me," you commanded, hoisting him up so he could lead you.

Arnelt stopped at a rotten desk. He knelt down and opened a lower cabinet revealing a safe.

"Open it," you said poking him with a knife.

Arnelt shakily punched in the numbers and the safe popped open with a click.

Shoving him aside while keeping one hand twisting the one behind his back, you peered into the safe and took out a pile of papers.

It was a collection of files each with a name stamped on the front.

You flicked through the first one. It had a paper titled Lucille Svan. Lower on the page it showed her height, weight, a photo, an address, and various facts about her. The paper looked exactly the same as the ones Rhys gave you, except for a little sticker in the corner saying: Target Exterminated. At the very bottom there was a number for the amount of money received for the kill.

You flicked through the file and saw dozens more just like that one but a different person.

You looked back at the front and saw the name Myrthle van Sencen. Each folder had a different name on the front.

"Are these each an employer?" You questioned Arnelt.

He just nodded and asked, "Can you let me go now? You said you would."

You stuck the files in your bag before turning to him slowly.

"Did I? I don't remember saying that,'' you said, smirking. Running your blade down his cheek you added sweetly, "Are you lying? I don't like liars."

Arnelt looked confused before saying hurriedly, "No I swear you said you'd go on your merry way."

You pretended to try to remember before giving up and saying, "Your right I did. But I lied," you said as you slashed the other half of the X on his face.

Arnelt screamed and fell back against the wall. You smiled and walked closer, playing with the tip of the knife.

He had no where to go as he was trapped in the corner. You wanted this to be slow. In the file, it gave the number of girls he'd taken advantage of, that we knew of at least. A fucking 24 girls had been taken by this man and murdered after being used for days sometimes.

The youngest was only 12. 12. Someone 12 years old should be living their life. But no. This man had to come along and ruin it.

No you would make this as slow as you could as tribute to all those killed by his hand.

You wrestled him down and tied his hands and feet together to where you cut his circulation off.

Good. He deserved to suffer.

Unfortunately, he didn't have enough fingers to cut off for each girl.

You cut them off anyway and hissed in his ear saying, "Now you won't touch another girl again."

An idea popped into your head and you grinned. Pulling his pants and underwear off, you held the knife up to his dick and watched as his eyes widened.

You chuckled before saying, "Well, it's small enough so you won't miss it."

In one smooth motion, his dick and his balls were gone.

You went back up towards his head, where his mouth was wide open, screaming. You held it open and reached into his mouth where you grabbed his tongue.

Holding your knife to it you tilted your head and asked him, "Was it worth it? Those girls. Was it worth this? It better have been."

Another quick slice had his tongue gone.

Over his screaming, you calmly sheathed your knife before plunging your fingers into his eye sockets.

You tugged before yanking out both eyes, bloody roots trailing behind them.

You stood up calmly and sheathed your blade before positioning him where he couldn't roll over.

And you left. Leaving him to choke on his own blood.

-'~{~}~'-

You were covered in blood. It was all over your hands, arms, legs, and lower torso. Your face, chest, and wings were splattered with it.

As you walked through the House of Wind, you made sure to take off your shoes.

When you walked through the living room, the chatting ceased. You looked around to see everyone staring at you, bloody and barefoot.

They all stared at you like they'd never seen you before. Meeting Azriel and then Elain's eyes, you grinned madly.

You'd been avoiding Azriel and ignoring the mating bond for so long, you barely had to think about it. But, his face brought it all back, all the pain, the heartbreak, the anger.

Elain looked terrified as you turned to look at Rhys, who was gaping and said, "I have the files with employers and who they killed. Oh, and Arnelt's dead."

You wiped your hand off before reaching in your bag and pulling out the stack of files which you tossed to Rhysand. You could see the smudges of blood on the files but he ignored it, flipping through the pages.

"How'd you kill him?" Nesta asked.

You turned to her and said, "I found out that he raped and murdered over 24 girls. So I cut off his fingers, dick, balls, tongue, and carved out his eyes. Now he can't touch, fuck, kiss, or even look at a girl again," you said confidently.

Her eyebrows raised and gave you a satisfied nod. She hated men like that you knew. Because of that human and also ever since she heard Gwyn's story.

It was silent for a long while before Cassian whistled. He came over to you and stage-whispered in your ear saying, "He wasn't the one I asked if you would cut his dick off."

"Oh, I know. I just wanted to practice," you said smirking. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Azriel blanch and go pale at your words.

Cassian clapped you on the shoulder and gave you a proud smile despite the serious threat of his brother losing his genitals.

He couldn't blame you. If this was your way to cope, then he'd let you cope. As long as you didn't chop his dick off.

"Anyways, I'm gonna go wash up," you said, breaking the awkward silence.

You walked silently up the stairs and closed the door to your room before you let out the breath you were holding.

You gingerly took off your leathers and tossed them in the sink before you climbed in the bath, fully submerging yourself in the burning water.

-'~{~}~'-

It had been a month since your first mission. You had specifically asked for Rhys to send you on one after the other without returning home.

Your anger was never ending. You killed and killed and killed but it brought you no satisfaction for the burning in your heart, your very soul. So, you turned your blade on your self. Line after line after line.

You couldn't go home.

You couldn't do it. You couldn't watch Azriel and Elain together.

Elain.

Elain, who already had a mate but stole yours. Elain, who didn't worry about her weight or looks because they were already perfect. Elain, who never had to try or work. Elain, who was so perfect in every way.

Every.

Fucking.

Way.

And you were sick of it.

You couldn't take out your anger on her though. But you could make Azriel regret his decision.

And you knew just how to do it. There was a fancy ball that would be at Hewn City in four days time. Enough time for you to finish your mission and find a dress and possibly a date.

And you knew the perfect person to take.

-'~{~}~'-

Four days later you sat in a chair with Mor kneeling in front of you doing your makeup while Nesta sat behind you styling your hair.

"Honestly did you even brush it while you were away?" Nesta asked, yanking the brush through the tangles.

"No, I was preoccupied," you grumbled back, "Oh and Mor can you add some orange, it'd match my dress.

"Yeah, but you could've at least came home," Mor said from the floor, "Here close your eyes."

"Are you sure we can't see your dress," Feyre said where she was perched on the bed, already ready.

You smiled, "Nope. It's a surprise."

Nesta leaned next to your ear before asking, "Has Eris seen it?"

Scoffing, you said, "He's seen it, but not me in it. He paid for it."

"Does that make him your sugar daddy?" Mor asked, smirking.

You snapped open your eyes in horror, "Mother no. Were just using each other to make people jealous."

"Is your dress good enough to make Azriel cream his pants?" asked Nesta.

You mocked slapped her before saying, "Language young lady! Is your dress good enough to make Cassian cream his pants?"

"I mean probably. It doesn't take much," Nesta said smirking.

Mor stood up and winced, "I really didn't want to know that. Ok I'm done we'll leave so you can change and then make your grand entrance."

Nesta quickly patted your hair before turning you towards the mirror. She had done an elegant half-up style with braids running around the top of your head, making it look like a crown.

"Now you look like a High Lady," Nesta said proudly.

Feyre tilted her head and said, "So she looks like me?"

Nesta rolled her eyes before tugging Mor and Feyre out and closing the door behind you.

You sprung up and went to put on your dress. Eris had bought it for you when he offered you a home in the Autumn Court after he heard what happened with Azriel.

Your dress was mostly black but the underskirts and detailing were orange, complimenting the Autumn Lord you were going with.

You draped onyx and citrine chains along your wings and hair, giving you the appearance of glowing.

You slipped it on along with some simple black heels before rushing out.

You figured at 14 minutes late you would make a great entrance.

Eris met you outside the entrance to the ballroom and made a grand show of bowing before saying, "My lady, you look magnificent," with a smile.

You bowed back and said, smiling, "My lord, you look even more spectacular. We'll turn the eyes of everyone in there."

You and Eris had been friends since he allied himself with the Night Court during the War.

His suit was similar to the dress you were wearing, but the colors were the opposite. His suit was a dark orange, while the detailing was black.

Azriel and Eris still didn't get along, despite being allies. Eris couldn't resist taking another stab at the Shadowsinger, especially with, you, his mate.

"You know, Elain and Lucien are officially together now," said Eris, watching you carefully for your reaction.

Nobody had told you that. You also didn't care enough to find out yourself, "Really?"

He nodded. "A few days after you left for a month," he emphasized, "Elain told Azriel that she wasn't sure about them being together since they both already had mates."

"Your joking. She took my mate and wasn't satisfied?" You were outraged. She stole your mate, and then decided he wasn't good enough after fucking him behind your back?

Eris winced and said, "Yeah... I wasn't gonna get involved but then I realized that you had no idea, so I figured I should tell you instead of just letting you walk in there with no idea."

"Well, thank you so much for that," you said, grateful.

"Well, tonight wouldn't be the best place for you to murder someone. Have you heard your new nickname?" Eris asked, smirking.

You shook your head.

"People are calling you the Ghost Angel," Eris told you.

You groaned. The name was awfully similar to Azriel's name, The Angel of Death. You did this to get away from him, not to end up having matching names like a couple.

Eris laughed before offering his arm to you. Taking it, you walked through the large doors of the ballroom.

No one had started dancing yet, even though music played through the ballroom.

You could feel a fuckton of eyes on both you and Eris as you descended the staircase.

Looking to the throne your eyes met with your High Lord's to which you gave each other a nod. Next to his and Feyre's thrones, stood Cassian and Azriel in their leathers. Standing in front of Cassian, stood Nesta, looking as sharp as ever in a black, revealing gown.

Elain was noticeably absent.

You and Eris walked in front of the throne and bowed to Rhysand, who smirked above you. When you rose you smirked back before nodding to him again, saying, "It's done."

Rhys laughed, his cruel, fake laugh. The one he did when they were here. He gestured to stand across from Nesta, in front of Azriel.

He gave you a quick apologetic glance as you took your spot before saying to Eris, "Don't worry. You'll get to spend time with her plenty later."

You felt a cool, gentle, caress of the shadows. You clenched your jaw, you built up a reputation, you couldn't let it crumble just from some silly shadow.

In truth you missed them greatly, they had disappeared almost 6 months before you found out about him and Elain. Probably when he started fucking her.

6.

Fucking.

Months.

And you had no idea. You were clueless. So naive to trust him. Even if he was supposed to be your mate, to cherish and love you forever. You were supposedly made for each other. But no. That was all thrown away for someone who already had a mate.

But you were over that heartbreaking feeling. It had hardened, turning into anger. And you let it. Welcomed it.

So you killed, and killed, and killed to fill that empty place in your heart, your soul. Both sides of the mating bond were shut off. It was still there but barely. Just a flicker.

You had zoned out. You didn't even hear Rhys' speech. Suddenly everyone started to move, to go dance, to eat, to drink.

Cassian went with Nesta. Eris approached the throne and asked Rhysand, gesturing to you, "Now do I have your permission to dance?"

Rhys just nodded. Eris approached you and offered you his hand. A growl sounded behind you. Ignoring it you grabbed Eris' hand and tore yourself from the shadow's grip.

As he lead you to the dance floor he commented, not yet out of earshot of the Shadowsinger, "Possessive much?"

Giving him a warning look, you set one hand on his shoulder, and intertwined your other hand with his. His free had settled on the curve of your waist.

"So what exactly is your plan with him?" Eris asked, leading you through the dance. You didn't have as much experience as Nesta, but you made up for it with your grace and light feet. That was probably your wings giving you extra balance though.

"Well we all know he doesn't like you, he doesn't like our friendship. And the fact we came together, danced together, and I'm wearing your colors should sent him into a frenzy. Especially combined with the fact he hasn't seen me in over a month..." you trailed off, letting Eris figure it out.

Eris smirked and said, "You truly are wicked, Little Fox."

You grinned back and could feel his hand on your waist drifting lower and towards your ass.

The first song you danced to was a slow, sensuous beat, but the next one was fast-paced and had you twirling very close to Eris' face.

At the end of the song you paused and his face was close enough to kiss. Part of you wanted to but you knew your heart, what was left of it, would always want Azriel.

He nodded at the look in your eyes before saying, "Maybe in another lifetime."

He backed away as you felt a presence behind you. Turning around you were met with the chest of a certain Shadowsinger.

He looked over your head and said to Eris in a voice that promised death, "May I steal her away for a dance, or is she yours now?"

Eris despite having to look up at Azriel remained haughty saying, "Well we'll see how long she can stay with a cheating brute," giving you a wink before walking away.

Damn him. He was supposed to get me out of this shit.

You put your hands on his shoulder and intertwined hands like you did with Eris. His hand was tentative as he set it gently on your waist. Shadows from his arms flowed toward your hand with light touches.

You looked just over his shoulder coldly, you couldn't make eye contact. All your resolve, all your resistance would crumble if you looked at those warm amber and honey eyes.

He sighed and said, "You look beautiful. Even with the orange. Like a goddess."

You didn't respond, still staring at nothing.

"I'm sorry. But just please look at me. I can't... I can't... just please look at me," he begged.

Maybe it was the way his voice cracked, maybe it was the way he sounded so broken but you looked.

Looked at those pools of whiskey eyes. The eyes that were lined with silver. The eyes that were begging, begging for you.

"Azriel, you chose Elain. You chose her over me and now that she's with someone else, now you want me?" You said in disbelief.

"I've always wanted you. Always."

"Obviously, so when you fucked Elain you just imagined it was me even though you could've just came home and fucked me. So clearly you didn't." you snapped.

Azriel opened your mouth to respond but you weren't done, "And then you have the nerve to beg for my forgiveness? Do you realize how much it hurt to have your mate, the one person that's supposed to understand you and love you forever, leave you for someone else? To find out that they had been fucking someone else behind your back?"

He was silent staring down at you with tears in his eyes.

Suddenly a male came behind him and tapped his shoulder before asking, "Excuse me, I was wondering if I could have a dance with this goddess?"

Azriel looked at you and his face changed into disgust before saying, "Of course, she's all yours."

The man grinned slimily before taking the position Azriel had been in except his hand was much, much lower. Lower than Eris went.

No words were exchanged as you danced but as the song ended he bent down and whispered in your ear, "How about getting out of here?"

You weren't going to cause a scene so you said sweetly, "No my High Lord will be expecting me."

He scowled at that before pinching your wing in a highly sensitive spot. The place he pinched was not one that was sexual, but was highly painful.

You were in such a haze of pain you hadn't even noticed he'd been dragging you against him and out of the ballroom. Your body was pushed against his in a way you looked drunk and he was a kind gentleman helping you to your room.

He pushed you through a side entrance below the stairs and against the wall where he let go of your wing. The male shoved your wing painfully behind your back and put his hand against your thigh through the slit in your dress.

You started to panic even more as he grabbed the knife you kept in your thigh sheath and tossed it to the ground.

He hummed and said, smirking, "Now can't have you stabbing me can we?"

His hand slipped under your underwear and exposed you. You tried to squirm against his grip and he laughed cruelly at your efforts. One of his hands circled around your neck, pushing you against the wall behind you.

Your mind was hazy from the lack of oxygen but you heard the rustling of his pants as he prepared to take you as his.

He never got the chance though.

Suddenly he was being ripped away from you, causing your skirts to fall back down and the pressure being released from your wings and neck.

You looked up and could swear you were hallucinating. Azriel was there. His shadows circled the mans neck and bound his hands and feet as he lifted Truth-Teller against the mans neck.

Azriel spoke, his voice trembling with icy rage, and said, "You will never touch her. You will never touch anyone again."

One of the shadows covered his mouth as Azriel cut the man's fingers off. All of them. Slowly.

Shadows surrounded the man and he vanished, no doubt going to Azriel's torture chambers.

He dropped Truth-Teller and ran to you, picking you up and cradling you in his arms. His wings came around you protectively, like a shield, as your own ones dragged against the floor.

He tucked you into his chest and kissed you on the top of the head whispering choruses of I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

You didn't say anything you just buried your face in his chest and tried to hold yourself together.

Azriel gently removed your face from his chest and cupped your cheeks saying, "It's ok. I got you. You can let go."

His hands gently ran along the edge of your sleeves and felt the bumps your knife had left. He didn't say anything but you felt him tense up.

Azriel paused and then started tracing each and every one of those scars gently. Gently untangling his hands from stroking your hair, he lifted your arm up and pressed gently kissed on each scar.

The silent tears turned into powerful sobs that wracked your body at his kindness. He returned your arm to it's previous position and gently began stroking your back and hair again, trying to calm you, comfort you.

At his words all of your feeling from the past few months caught up to you and you removed the shield on the mating bond, to tired to keep it up. Azriel did the same and you could feel the surprise on his end and his need to comfort and hold you.

And you let him.

So he did.

You let him until your eyes were dry and the wracking sobs had ceased. Still, you remained sheltered in his arms.

Slowly you looked into his eyes that were full of sadness and longing and regret and self-loathing. You felt it through the bond, through your soul.

You took his face in your hands and pressed your foreheads together. His hands reached up to cup your own and as you traced the scars on his hand softly, he shuddered.

You remained like that for a long while, until you felt grounded. And then, you kissed him gently, softly, forgivingly.

He kissed you back softly. It was gentle and sweet.

When you finally pulled away he kissed your forehead and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. If you don't want me or if you want to wait, I'll wait. I'll wait a hundred thousand years for you. I'll wait for you forever."

You looked into his teary eyes and saw that he meant it. You felt it through the bond. The bond that was once in frays and tatters was slowly, but surely patching itself back together.

You took a shaky breath before saying, "It's okay. I forgive you."

At your words his face crumpled and the tears finally started to run down his face.

Now you both were crying and comforting each other simultaneously.

He opened his side of the bond so you could see how he felt. How once he fucked Elain, he didn't know how to tell you. How you found out and left and he still fucked her to try to feel something, anything. The instant regret and loneliness.

He realized the stupidity. How could he turn down a person that was literally made for him. Made to understand him. Made to comfort him. And for him to do the same to you. But he didn't.

He hurt you instead of helping you.

His head was bent down and you put you hands around him and pressed his face between your breasts. Where his ear was against your collarbone.

You had comforted him through the nights in this position. He had needed to know you were real so you told him to listen to your heartbeat.

You saw movement and recognized Eris. He turned towards you and saw you both on the floor. Azriel's position looked like he was praying to you, a goddess. You had taken pity on him, and decided to comfort him.

Eris nodded once at you and left.

Azriel whispered to you, "I love you."

You pressed a lingering kiss to the top of his head and whispered to him, "It's ok. I love you too."

[minhosbxtch]

Waiting

Azriel x reader

Warnings: self-harm, language, starving oneself, thoughts of uselessness, slight suicidal thoughts

Come to my office. We need to talk, Rhysand spoke in your mind.

A bolt of fear went through. Shit, what did you do this time? Did he find out that you-

You're not in trouble. I just need to talk to you. He said, sensing your fear.

You made your way to his office, not bumping into anyone, thank the Mother. You were a nervous wreck right now, despite Rhys' assurances.

You creaked open the door to your High Lord's office to see him sitting at his desk, hands neatly folded in his lap with a soft smile.

"You called?" You questioned, still nervous.

"Yes. I wanted to talk to you about something," at your eyebrow raised, he cleared his throat and said, "I know about the mating bond between you and Azriel."

You froze. "You didn't tell him, right?" You whispered.

Rhys shook his head, "No. There are also wards around this office, so he can't hear a word we're saying."

You relaxed slightly until he asked, "Why haven't you told him?"

"Why did it take you so long to tell Feyre?" You shot back.

He raised his hands in surrender at your aggravated tone. "I just want to know. You seem withdrawn and a shell of what you used to be, and I just want you to be happy."

You slumped at his words. "I didn't want him to be shackled to me, especially since he loves Elain. He just seems so happy with her."

His eyes softened, and he sighed, "I know how it feels. You feel like you'd burden him with the mating bond."

"Well, there's that, and also I want him to choose me. I don't want him to just want to be with me because of the mating bond. I want him to love me regardless of the bond," you confessed.

He nodded and asked, "How long has it been since you found out?"

"Since Elain and Nesta became Fae," you ground out, wincing.

Knowing about the mating bond, you must watch him fall for Elain. He rescues her from Hyburn, giving her Truthteller, all the glances, their walks around the garden, and the happiness on his face whenever she showed up.

It was agony. You finally realized how Rhys had felt watching Feyre.

"Does anyone else know?" He asked quietly.

You nodded before saying, "Cassian and Eris."

"Eris? You told him?"

You shrugged and said, "He sorta guessed. When you and him were meeting in Hewn City and I was there he talked to me after and asked why I seemed like a shell. He guessed it was Azriel but didn't know we were mates until I told him. Cassian was a similar story. I made them both swear to not tell."

Rhys nodded in understanding, knowing your past with Eris. The two of you had been friends long before the incident with Mor and remained friends long after. You were the only reason he wasn't dead. No one else knew of your friendship with the Autumn Court heir but Rhys.

Eris had found you over the Autumn Court border, injured, and instead of taking you to his father, he took you to a cottage in the woods and nursed you back to health before helping you get back to the Night Court.

"Thank you for telling me. I swear to not tell as well."

You felt another tattoo form next to the two identical tattoos on your bicep. The tattoo was the same for each.

Rhys peered at his new tattoo and chuckled softly. It was a half of a heart mostly concealed with what looked like black flames.

You suppose that's what your heart felt like right now. Broken and burning in silent agony.

Rhys nodded at you and said, "Azriel should be coming in here in a few minutes if you want to slip out before he gets here."

You nodded your thanks and stood up to leave to get your training in for the day. Cassian had taught you ages ago and now expected you to train yourself now that he was busy training others.

You felt the mating bond grow stronger as it sensed Azriel coming down the hallway. You quickly turned around to go the other way before he could see you.

You practically jogged to your room and got dressed in your leathers and headed out. Cassian usually trained from breakfast to lunch and Azriel trained at night so you would be undisturbed.

You saw Emerie and Gwyn still out there from this morning, Nesta was nowhere to be seen. You gave them a quick smile as you went to pick up a sword. They both smiled brightly back. You liked and respected all three of them.

You didn't specially seek them out, not wanting to intrude. They had a special bond that you couldn't stand. It was nothing against them but when you hung out you always felt like an outsider. They had gone through things together do they of course would be close.

You channeled all of your anger at Azriel, at Elain, at the Mother, at the world into the sword as you swung again and again and again at the practice dummy.

When Cassian was teaching you he said it was a great way to get anger out and he had no problem letting you swing for the entire practice as long as you had good form. He would let you battle the dummy occasionally stopping you to correct your form. Cassian did the same thing with hand-to-hand combat.

He understood how therapeutic it was. He and his brothers did the same thing, just on each other. But he didn't want to be on the receiving end of your sword. When getting your anger off he volunteered to be the dummy. He could handle you easily with hand-to-hand combat, blocking your punches. But your sword was difficult for him. Your sword was just a fast extension of your arm, he received several scratches from being your dummy before he resigned.

After an hour you switched to hand-to-hand combat, your weakest spot. You were too lost in the routine to notice the sun was quickly going down. You just kept punching and kicking and punching.

You paused to catch your breath when you realized how long you'd been out there. You'd missed dinner from the sound of your stomach. Oh well. Wouldn't be the first time.

You went inside to go shower but as you walked to go to your room you quickly paused. The Inner Circle was all in the living room laughing and drinking. They looked so happy. Maybe you weren't needed. Maybe you could just leave permanently and nothing would change.

Then you spotted Elain with her head on Azriel's shoulder. Both of them looked happy. Something inside of you broke at that.

Instead of taking your usual route through the living room to get upstairs, you went around the back way so no one could see the tears brimming in your eyes.

You were numb. All the anger, the sadness, and the frustration were gone. You didn't feel the water as you bathed, didn't feel the clothes you put on, and didn't feel the blade as it tore into your skin again and again and again.

The only thought in your head was Dang at the sight of the blood on your arms, stomach, and thighs as you stared in the mirror blankly. Not caring you took a towel and wiped the blood off but it just kept coming.

You took another bath and wrapped your cuts. They were layered over steal healing ones and scars. You knew this wasn't good but you didn't care.

You got dressed and just laid in your bed until sleep pulled you under.

-'~{~}~'-

You woke up to the stinging and burning under the bandages. Bleary-eyed, you stumbled to your bathroom and pulled your shorts and shirt off to see the bandages.

You opened your cabinet that had the bandages in it and found that you were almost out. This would probably be the last change left. You didn't really care about dressing your cuts but if one of them accidentally opened in the night or the day you couldn't have anyone asking questions about if you were ok.

You would have to go to Velaris to get new ones. You also would have to make another excuse for what you needed. Maybe you could convince Cassian to drop you off.

You finished the bandages and put on leggings and another sweater. You could ask Mor but she'd probably make you try on a dress that was too revealing and might show the bandages. No, you couldn't have that.

After splashing your face with water, you headed out to get coffee. That was going to be the only thing you ate until dinner since you probably wouldn't get to skip today.

Mother, how did Elain do it? She ate normally and still remained the perfect size. While you barely ate there was never any change. How was she so insufferably perfect? She was as beautiful as a flower herself, incredibly kind, and perfect in every way. She couldn't blame Azriel for being attracted to her.

Poor Lucien though. Honestly, maybe you should just get with him and leave both Azriel and Elain in the dust.

You knew neither of you could do that but it was a nice wish though.

On your second cup of coffee, Feyre came in and smiled before digging into a breakfast of biscuits and pastries.

"Do you want any?" She asked, between mouthfuls.

"No I already ate," you lied with a smile.

She nodded and smiled back before going back to eating.

Honestly, all of the Archeron sisters were perfect. Nesta included. She might have been prickly at first but now she belonged there as much as her sisters did.

Well, you could ask Feyre to take you down to Velaris. She might have another painting class.

"Are you going down to Velaris today?" You asked your High Lady after taking another sip of coffee, black, it was bitter but it had fewer calories that way.

She paused her eating to offer, "Yes. Would you like me to take you?"

You smiled gratefully before answering with, "If that's not too much trouble for you."

"It never is. Just let me get ready first," Feyre responded kindly.

"Of course."

Suddenly Azriel came in and the bond between you both came alive in his presence. Clenching your teeth you filled up your coffee cup for the third time, keeping your back turned towards him.

Feyre gave you a questioning look at your reaction but thankfully Azriel didn't notice. You could hear Feyre and Azriel talking but paid no attention to your conversation and you watched your coffee fill up.

At a touch at your shoulder, you snapped around and winced slightly to see Feyre looking concerned before asking, "Hey, did you hear what I said?"

You blinked before saying apologetically, "Sorry I drifted off. What'd you say?"

"I asked if it was ok if Azriel came with us."

"No yeah, it's fine," you said despite the drop in your stomach. Maybe that was from hunger. You couldn't remember the last time you'd eaten.

-'~{~}~'-

An hour later, the three of you were in Velaris.

"Here I got to get to the studio so I'll see you later," Feyre said waving goodbye.

You waved back and turned back around to walk away before Azriel asked, "Are you okay? You've seemed off lately."

Mother wonder why. Maybe because my mate's in love with another female that's perfect as can be and there's fucking way I can even hold a candle to her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired," you lied. You being tired was always your excuse. Well, it was telling the truth partly at least.

Azriel nodded his understanding before you walked away to look for things to disguise why you really came.

Unfortunately, Azriel still followed you as you weaved around the market.

That just meant you had to buy a shit-ton of other stuff to make it look like you came for another reason.

You went from store to store until you had three bags full of stuff you didn't need but wouldn't arouse suspicion. Two of your bags were full of books while the third held a couple clothing items.

With all the extra shit I bought bandages shouldn't seem too suspicious.

You went to the small store that you always bought from and got 4 rolls of bandages and some pastries. This store had everything from books to instruments to random alcohol. It might've been a little shady but oh well.

The only thing Azriel bought was metal cleaner and another dagger sheath.

With four bags full you were exhausted. You had to talk to way too many people today. You just wanted to go home and take a long nap.

Feyre luckily only had one class today and was done rather quick after getting a bite to eat. Thank Mother she didn't invite you. It would've looked weird if you didn't eat.

After she winnowed the three of you back you set the bags down, your arms tired. Azriel picked two of them up and helped you carry them to your room.

With him in front of you, you had to stay back far to not brush his wings.

"What the fuck is this," Azriel growled in front of you as he entered your room.

Fucking hell please no. Shit, shit, shit.

You in your tiredness forgot to throw away or hide the bloody towels from the previous night.

Azriel turned around and looked you over as if trying to find where the blood was coming from.

He took a deep breath and asked, "Where is all of this FUCKING BLOOD FROM?"

Your eyes widened. You'd never heard him raise his voice. Faking a calm image you just shrugged calmly and said, "I don't know."

Azriel's eyes burned into yours trying to assess if you were lying. You just held his stare, trying to act normal.

Oh Mother, he definitely knew you were lying. He was fucking spymaster of the Night Court. The Shadow of Death. Still, you played calm.

Instead of breaking the silence you just stood there, your stare cool and composed against his, burning with fury.

"Well this is your room so obviously you have to know," Azriel said coolly.

"Well I don't and you're right, it's my room, so it's none of your business," you hissed.

He threw up his hands in exasperation and yelled, "Well there's blood all over these towels and you're not on your cycle so what is it then?"

Thank Mother you shut the door.

"Get your damn nose out of my fucking business," you yelled back.

"Well you've been moody and now there's blood all over your towels and you haven't been at meals so just tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"WELL THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT YOU DICKHEAD AND YOU AREN'T HELPING," you screamed, tears threatening to escape.

He paused, "You haven't been... hurting yourself, have you? Right?"

You stayed silent trying to reign the tears back in.

"That's why you needed more bandages and why you winced when Feyre touched your arm why you've been covering yourself up and why you haven't been eating..." Azriel's voice trailed off as he looked back at you, "But why?"

The question lingered in the air for several moments before repeated more firmly, insistent, "Why?"

You looked back up angrily, and with the most emotion you've had in days said, "Because my mate doesn't fucking want me. He wants someone else. I've watched them fall in love for almost two years. Two fucking years I've watched and waited. Nothing changed. Nothing. Fucking Changed."

Azriel was shocked he knew you'd been off for a while but he'd just figured it was the war.

"Do you realize what that does to a person, Azriel?" You let out a bitter laugh and a tear slides down your face. "It tears you apart from the inside. You try so hard to hold yourself together but then you crack and the cracks get larger and larger until it consumes you. And then you're spiraling and you can't get out and no sees, no one notices. Do you know why? Because they're already happy. They have all they need. They're so blind with happiness that they don't see you drowning until it's too late."

Your face crumples, "And your mate," your voice broke, "and your mate... they don't give a fuck. They don't even notice you. You try so hard to be kind, and nice, and you try to be beautiful, to be skinny. Like the one he loves."

And then you break.

Your knees give out and you land harshly on the floor, sobbing. You tuck your knees to your chest and sob into your hands.

At first, Azriel just stands there, listening to your heartbroken sobs. No these were more than heartbroken, they were full of despair and hopelessness.

As he stared at you some part of him twisted in agony, flailed to be let out. He froze as he realized what it was. A fucking mating bond.

He was the one responsible for your sobs that wracked through your body. He was the one responsible for you not eating. He was the reason you thought you weren't enough.

He dropped to his knees in front of you and gently reached out for you. You didn't react until he pulled you into his arms, cradling you, letting you soak his shirt in your tears. You slumped in his arms, not having enough energy to resist.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and said, "I'm so so so sorry. I... I thought it was supposed to be 3 brothers and 3 sisters."

You didn't respond but your cries had become less violent.

He continued to stroke your hair and whisper how sorry, how stupid he was forever even thinking about Elain.

He felt you through the bond. Your sadness. Your hopelessness. Your self-hatred.

His heart broke at the thought that he did this to you. Your mate, who was supposed to love unconditionally, forever, did this to you. This wasn't even the full extent of what you felt, yet this fraction was enough to make him feel hopeless.

He held you until your cries turned to deep, calm breaths of sleep. He carefully picked you up placed you on the bed and kissed your brow before leaving.

He walked down to the kitchen where Rhys sat. He gave him a nod and said, "I know now."

Rhysand froze. Azriel couldn't speak the words so he let down his mental shields so Rhys could see.

After, Rhys remained silent, eyes wide.

The silence stretched on until Rhys said, "I knew," Azriel's eyes snapped to him in surprise while he continued, "I had a suspicion and then she confirmed it when I asked."

He held up his hands before Azriel could erupt, "She asked me to keep it a secret."

"Show me," Azriel demanded.

Rhysand relented and showed him everything.

Azriel rubbed his eyes before walking over to the kitchen where he made a plate of leftovers from last night and grabbed a glass of water before coming out and starting up the stairs.

"Oh and Az," he turned around, "you need to tell Elain about this." There was a look of warning in the High Lord's face.

Azriel pressed his lips together. He knew he would have to. It was inevitable.

"I'll talk to her later," he said while walking back up to his mate.

His mate. His mate that he'd ignored for the past two years as he pined after someone that had their own mate.

Mother, he felt awful.

Well, he deserved it.

-'~{~}~'-

You woke up alone in your bed.

How the fuck

Your thought was interrupted by Azriel, your mate Azriel, opening the door clearly struggling while holding a plate and a glass of water.

He looked up at you and saw you were awake and had noticed his entrance.

There was a long awkward silence until Azriel broke it by clearing his throat and saying, "I brought you some food and water."

You responded with a simple, "I'm not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate then?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

You just shrugged and repeated, "I'm not hungry."

"I don't care. You're going to eat this. I don't care if I have to shove it down your throat, your eating," he said tersely.

You two just stared at each other, until you sighed and took the fork, and began to eat.

Azriel visibly relaxed as you shoveled bites of mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, green beans, and chicken in your mouth.

"I also brought you this," he said quietly, motioning to a bowl filled with nothing but bread and a plate that had a generous slice of chocolate cake on it.

You started on the bread and could've melted at the taste. He had brought you every bread you thought the House could make. There was garlic bread, cheesy bread, rolls, sourdough, and various bread sticks.

You were in fucking heaven.

You almost offered Azriel a piece before remembering that wouldn't end well.

You were stuffed before you started on the chocolate cake, but that didn't stop you.

Once you were finished eating, Azriel spoke, "I'm sorry again. Just please give me a chance. This isn't just because you're my mate. I see you now. You're sweet and kind and funny and obviously a goddess-"

Before he could finish you had kissed him.

You kissed him hard and passionately after years of longing. Azriel reached up and gently cupped your cheek and brought you onto his lap to deepen the kiss.

There would be a time to ravish and worship you later. But right now he would show you how much you meant to him.

After you pulled away you closed your eyes as he cupped your face.

Pressing a kiss to your forehead he whispered, "I know how long you've been waiting and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for even looking in Elain's direction. I know there's no way to fully make it up to you but I'll try. If you want me to wait, I'll wait. I'll wait however long you want. I'll do whatever you want. Just to please you. To make you happy."

"I know full and well I'm not worthy of you," as you tried to protest he pressed a finger over your lips, "No, trust me, I'm not. First of all, you are kind and loving. You were kind to Elain even though it would've been easier to hate her. Second, you are gorgeous."

To help prove his statement his hands traveled up and down her body, not enough to make her uncomfortable, but enough to show he meant what he said.

"And third everyone loves you. How could I not? Hell Nesta loves you. Also, you're smart, sarcastic, funny, Mother I could go on." Azriel said counting with his fingers.

You smiled softly and said, "Preferably don't."

"Honestly I'm the one that doesn't deserve you."

Your eyes got sharp at that.

"Excuse you, I don't know where the fuck you got that idea from, but that's not true in the slightest," at his raised eyebrows you took a deep breath and said, "Let's see you're brave, witty, selfless, caring, smart, and an actual good male."

His eyes lightened with each word and with a smirk, he asked, "Can I get another kiss then?"

I mean how could you resist? He brought you food.

[minhosbxtch]

I love you

i love your smile 

i love your laugh 

i love your personality 

i love your hair (or lack thereof) 

i love your insecurities 

i love your accomplishments 

i love your failures 

i love your eyes 

i love your beauty 

i love your handwriting (or the way you communicate) 

i love the way you dance 

i love you on your happy days 

i love you on your sad days 

i love you on the days you feel lonely 

i love you on the days you feel helpless 

i love you on the days you feel like no one cares 

i love you on the days you feel forgotten 

i love you on the days you feel unmotivated 

i love you on the days you feel loved 

i love you on the days you feel sick 

i love you on the days you feel motivated 

i love you on the days you feel depressed 

i love you on the days you feel stresses 

i love you on the days you feel crazy 

i love you on the days you feel hopeful 

i love you on the days you feel cuddly 

i love you on the days you feel clingy 

i love you on the days you feel amazing 

i love you on the days you feel beautiful 

i love you on the days you feel like a failure 

i love you on the days you feel angry 

i love you on the days you feel aggressive 

i love you on the days you feel horrible 

i love you on the days you feel safe 

i love you on the days you feel unsafe 

i love you on the days you feel vulnerable 

i love you on the days you feel weird 

i love you on the days you feel ok

i love you when you're healthy 

i love how you sing (or hum or feel the music) 

i love your taste in music 

i love your taste in movies 

i love your taste in tv shows 

i love the way you move 

i love the way you act 

i love you when you cry 

i love you when you're kind 

i love you when you're mean 

i love you when you're alone 

i love you when you can't feel 

i love you when you feel too much 

i love you when you can't take life anymore 

i love you when you feel like it's too much 

i love you when you're asleep 

i love you when you have nightmares 

i love you when you have dreams 

i love how you believe 

i love you when you believe in yourself 

i love you when you don't believe in yourself 

i love you when you hate yourself 

i love you when you love yourself 

i love the way you think 

i love you problems 

i love your solutions 

i love how you support 

i love you when you're in pain 

i love you when you're hurt 

i love your promises 

i love your secrets 

i love your attitude 

i love your sass 

i love your creativity 

i love your voice (or lack thereof) 

i love you hand gestures 

i love your stories 

i love your wounds 

i love your scars 

i love your face 

i love your past 

i love your future 

i love your present 

i love your outfits 

i love your style 

i love your art 

i love your honesty 

i love you when you lie 

i love you when you're tired 

i love you when you're energetic 

i love how you look 

i love how you cook 

i love you when you're adventurous 

i love you when you're scared 

i love your imperfections 

i love your perfections 

i love you when you worry 

i love you when you talk (or communicate) 

i love your opinions 

i love you when you have a headache 

i love you when you have a stomach ache 

i love you when you help others 

i love you when you need help 

i love you when you're mature 

i love you when you're immature 

i love you in the hard times 

i love you in the easy times 

i love you when life is meh 

i love you when you're responsible 

i love you when you're irresponsible 

i love you when you fight 

i love you in your darkest moments 

i love you in your brightest moments 

i love your heart 

i love you in the day 

i love you in the night 

i love you at midnight 

i love you at 3 am 

i love you at all times 

i love you at your best 

i love you at your worst 

i love the little things you do 

i love all of you 

i love you when you're you

 i love 𝙮𝙤𝙪.

[minhosbxtch]

Shadows and Silence

Azriel x reader

Yall voted Azriel so here we go

Warnings: violence, mentions of SA, mentions of physical abuse, language

It'd been 400 years since you last spoke. 400 years since a single word had been uttered from your mouth. 400 years since your mother had been executed. 400 years since your tongue had been cut off.

Beron, being the dick that he was, had decided your mother was desirable and he wanted her. And Beron being the dick that he was took her.

Fast forward 9 months and you were born. Your mother, disgusted for how she came to be pregnant pretty much ignored you. Until you reached the age of 6.

On your sixth birthday your mother decided that enough was enough. She started to groom you into the perfect wife. To be pretty, proper, and polite. She also introduced you to the court, where people came to notice your unusual likeness to Beron.

Beron who also heard these rumors faintly remembered what he'd done to your mother, so it was possible you might be his.

So one day when you were roughly 14 he brought you and your mother to have dinner with him. Your mother, thinking he might marry you off to his oldest son, Eris, who she knew was your half-brother, but the power she would gain from that? The reputation?

So she went and dragged you with her.

Turns out it was not that at all.

No not in the slightest. Once you both had arrived, guards had instantly seized you both. Killing your mother almost immediately, Beron, instead of killing you, had cut your tongue out so you could not tell. He wasn't aware you could write though. But it didn't matter. What would being related to him change?

Eris was there though. He knew everything. What Beron did to your mother and that you were his half-sister. He hid behind a column as Beron and the guards left you crying and bleeding out on the clean, polished floors.

After a minute you passed out from the blood loss and that's when Eris made his move. He knew you would most certainly lash out or hurt yourself more if he approached you like this, so he had waited until you were unaware.

Picking you up and gently examining you're mouth he saw that one of the soldiers perhaps took pity on you and cauterized your tongue.

So he took you to the only place he could, his mother's.

His mother, had instantly sent for healers as he explained what he knew. He told her that she had no other family and no place to go. His mother pursed her lips before coming to the conclusion that the only solution was to make her a personal maid. That way she could keep her close and mostly protected from Beron.

All of this she had told you after you had woke up, a day later.

She had become a true mother in your eyes. And to her, you were the daughter she never had. You had also been close with Eris. Even though you two were only half-siblings you were both closer than with any other sibling, perhaps Lucien was a close second though.

Usually the Lady of Autumn gave you the day off today so you could relax and try to forget what happened today, despite your protests. But today there was an important meeting including all of the High Lords. She wanted to take you along since she was Eris' support, she wanted you to be her support.

She gave you an orangey-red long sleeve gown to wear. You would play no role. All you had to do was stand behind your Lady and say nothing.

So you did.

You paid no attention to what was currently going on in the room, choosing to admire the beautiful architecture of the Day Court palace.

Suddenly the talking in the room ceased and all eyes turned to you. Your eyes met those of amber sitting across from from you, studying, calculating.

"She's a mute," Beron sneered, dragging your attention to him, "good for nothing except her silence."

High Lord Rhysand tilted his head, eyes narrowing and smirking at you, "She is of Night Court descent."

"No she's Autumn through and through," said the High Lord of Autumn. "She might be unworthy scum, but not that much."

You looked at the ground before feeling a gentle caress in your mind, causing your head to snap up meeting the High Lord of Night's gaze yet again.

Is he telling the truth? Rhysand spoke in her mind.

I- I don't know. My mother's been dead for over 400 years. She might've been she didn't look like she was from Autumn. You thought replying to his question.

At a slight tilt of his head you nodded and gave your permission for him to search your memories.

It was a strange sensation, him rifling through your memories. He saw each and last one of them. From that one night, taking care of the Lady after a nasty argument with Beron, and times where Eris was just as vulnerable as you were.

His presence jolted as he saw your mother. A flash of recognition.

You know her? You thought in surprise.

Yes. I do know her. His voice was shaky, almost horrified.

But you didn't care. You wanted answers. Answers you waited 400 years for.

So? Can you tell me about her? Anything? You pleaded. You didn't care what you just needed something, anything, any scrap of information. To prove that at least one of your parents were even slightly a good person.

The High Lord hesitated but relented, sensing her thoughts. She... Your mother's name is Mithrianyus Arwel. She was a resident of Hewn City and she... if Keir had a women that he'd trust to be his right-hand, it would have been her. She was incredibly brutal and had an old view of how young females should be treated, that their happiness did not matter. She thought the only use for them was to gain political power.

While my sister and mother were alive, she took it upon herself to try to corrupt her, but my father decided enough was enough. He'd been looking for a good excuse to kick her out. She never liked my mother. Thought she was above her. That my mother was Illyrian scum. Not worthy of even looking at the High Lord, much less his mate.

At his words your heart sank. Even as you had prepared yourself for the worst, it still hurt. You had allowed a kernel of hope to blossom in your chest, but before it could unfurl it had been squashed.

You felt the High Lord leave your mind as he suddenly announced to the room, "Y/N's mother hailed from the Night Court and unless her father would like to claim her then she belongs in the Night Court," he said with a pointed glance at Beron.

No words were spoken until Rhysand beckoned you over to his side. As you rose Beron suddenly decided to speak up. Your heart skipped a beat thinking he would claim you but instead he said, "Once you realize all she's good for is keeping her mouth shut and whoring around then you'll still have to keep her."

You just kept your head down and kept walking, ignoring the stares you could feel prickling against your skin. You stopped when a loud snarl sounded in front of her, from the Night Court's area.

You looked up to see the same amber-eyed male snarling at Beron, eyes blazing. Your eyes widened as black tendrils snaked around his form. Other then his eyes, you hadn't really looked at him, thinking he would be offended that such scum like you was even looking your way.

But now that you're paying attention, you noticed he is easily the most handsome Fae you had ever seen, including everyone in the room. His eyes were like drops of honey which had quickly hardened as his anger sparked. He was muscular but slim and his face- Mother his goddamn pretty face. He was darkly handsome, ethereal even. Like an angel of death. His leathery wings only added to the factor, in sharp contrast to his tan, muscular skin.

His eyes met yours again and lightened, despite his face not softening, his eyes welcomed you. Like a unknown familiarness.

As you reached their side High Lord Rhysand beckoned you to a new chair that wasn't there earlier, next to a different male.

He shared similar characters, but was broader and more muscular. He also had soft eyes. Not pitying, you hated the look of pity people gave you. Taking you off guard, he gave you a broad welcoming smile. You were shocked but gave a small, uncomfortable smile back.

Instead of looking up and accidently meeting Beron's eyes, you looked down and fiddled at your hands. Anything to not seem noticeable.

When the kind male next to you gave your shoulder you finally looked up to see the Autumn Court gone.

At your sigh of relief he let out a quiet chuckle and said, "Yeah I never liked them either. I'm Cassian", nodding to you.

You motioned to Cassian and he seemed to get the message.

"Yes. I know you can't talk, but I figured I'd introduce myself to you so you had at least one friendly face that you knew," he said with a large smile.

Did he always smile this much?

You looked around the Night Court section, scanning, seeing if you recognized anyone else when you met eyes with that male for the third time.

He didn't say anything but gave you a nod and a slight smile.

Cassian saw your roam around his court.

He leant down next to your ear so only you could hear and said, "The one your currently staring at is Azriel. Hey, there's no problem staring at him. I find myself doing that all the time. What? Hey he's hot!" Cassian protested as you elbowed him in the side.

At your look he cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway you already know Rhys, that's Mor and that's Feyre as you probably know. There's gonna be more but I'll introduce you to them when we get back."

Back where? You didn't care.

You decided then that you liked Cassian.

Very much.

-'~{~}~'-

The meeting hadn't gone on for much longer. After Beron left a lot of the tension had vanished.

Well that was until Tamlin showed up, made a shit load of dirty comments about Feyre, given you a look that had you shrinking in on yourself and Cassian and Azriel bristling.

With nobody coming to the High Lady's defense you wished you could speak. You didn't even know her but Mother he needed to chill.

After another comment finally Azriel said, his voice dangerous, "Be careful how you speak about my High Lady."

Holy Mother. As if he wasn't sexy enough.

Cassian nudged you and whispered in your ear, "You're gawking." He quickly snapped his head around to act like it never happened. As you glared harshly at the side of his face you could swear you could see the slight outline of a smile on his face, as if he was trying not to laugh.

After Tamlin's little tantrum Rhysand decided he was done and it was time to go.

To go back to wherever Cassian explained they had to winnow and then left for Mor to take him.

She scowled.

He left her.

Maybe she didn't like Cassian as much as she thought.

You didn't know what to do so you just awkwardly stood there until Azriel approached you.

He smiled softly and said, "Would you like me to take you? Mor is taking Cassian because he can't winnow."

You scrunched your brows in confusion. How could Azriel winnow but not Cassian?

At your confused look he cleared his throat at said, "I can't winnow but I can do something similar. I can use my shadows to transfer me places. If it makes you uncomfortable I can let them know and you could switch?" Azriel offered.

You shook your head. You were slightly nervous but didn't want to be a burden and besides, Azriel seemed kind and like he didn't mean harm, at least currently.

He slowly extended a scarred hand out for you to grab, a stray shadow circled his wrist, also curling towards you as if it couldn't help it. You hesitantly reached for it.

His hand was warm, but not unpleasant. Here and there you could feel cool brushes of the shadows. You could feel the ridges of his scars, but they didn't make you uncomfortable. You had some just like that from Beron.

"Ready?" Azriel spoke quietly. He seemed like a quiet person. It was nice. He was quiet but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence.

You nodded and gasped as shadows wrapped around you and Azriel. Turning your head towards him you saw he had a smile on his face at your awe.

In a blink your vision was completely swallowed by the black and your only tether was Azriel's hand which you squeezed tightly as if he was your lifeline.

Suddenly your vision cleared and you were standing on a gorgeous balcony that overlooked a sprawling city next to a river below.

Barely seconds later, Feyre, Mor, Rhysand, and Cassian was also standing right in front of you.

You knew you were still holding Azriel's hand but you didn't want to let go. He seemed to sense as much and thankfully, also didn't let go even as Cassian came over smirking at their conjoined hands.

Azriel quickly followed Feyre into the house, away from Cassian so you did too, not wanting to hear his teasing or let Azriel go.

Feyre lead the tour which started in the living rooms, kitchen, eating areas, and finally the bedrooms.

The entire time Azriel's hand was in your grasp. Occasionally, he would squeeze your hand, as if checking in. Each time your heart skipped a beat as you squeezed back. At first you were worried you were bothering him, that he had more important things to do but as you went through the tour he seemed content, even stopping Feyre to tell you something she left out.

At the very end Feyre led you up the stairs to a long hallway, pointing out everyone's bedrooms as she went.

She stopped at the second-to-last door on the left and motioned to the door.

"Here's where you'll be staying. All of your clothes and things are still in the Autumn Court so we can go shopping whenever you would like. In the meantime you can borrow stuff from Mor and I," she said with another smile.

You didn't bother to try to tell the High Lady that you had nothing there that was worth saving anyway.

No servant did.

For the first time since you arrived, you let go of Azriel's hand to open the door. Was that just your imagination or did he also look disappointed.

As you opened the door you were in awe of the large room furnished with a ginormous bed in the corner. There were armchairs, tables, and couches tastefully placed around the room. In the other corner there was a large fireplace.

You probably wouldn't use that since fire would probably be too soon.

Across from the bed, there was the door to a large bathroom. Inside there were shelves filled with different shampoos, towels, conditioners, and washes. Across from the selves there was a large sink with a mirror overtop of it. Taking up almost half of the large bathroom, there was a bathtub, if you could call it that. It was practically a pool for how large it was and the fact that it was built into the floor.

You turned around to thank Feyre but she was gone. The only one there was Azriel who watched her reaction, grinning.

He cleared his throat offered you a blank notebook and pencil. "This is just if you want to talk to someone y'know?"

You tilted your head at his nervousness. The infamous, terrifying Shadowsinger, scared of you?

You took the notebook out of his hands and wrote a simple note:

Thank you.

He nodded and started to turn away before turning back and saying, "Can you fight? I know it's a stupid question..." Azriel's voice trailed off as you wrote:

A little. Eris taught me in case there was any males that he couldn't protect me from.

"You were close with Eris? From what I've gathered about him he doesn't care about anything," he asked, genuine curiosity on his face.

We were close. He's the one who saved me from bleeding out and took me to his mother. He also protected me from various males that tried to have their way with me.

Despite Azriel's deep hatred of Eris, he respected him slightly for how he protected his mother and you. Perhaps there was a half-decent male in there, but a coward.

"Here you're welcome to get some sleep and if you need anything just ask the House," Azriel said while shutting the door, "I'll have Mor or Feyre bring clothes."

Honestly the only thing you wanted to do was take a bath. You needed to wash off the dirt and the stink of the day.

As you walked in the bathroom, you noticed the bathtub was completely filled and steaming. You slid off you're clothes and dipped a foot in the water.

It was too hot. It reminded you of fire. Beron's fire. The fire that had burned you everytime you were too slow in bringing something in his presense.

You couldn't bathe in that water. Maybe if you waited, the water would cool off.

So you waited, and waited.

When there was a knock at your door you scrambled to your feet and quickly threw on your dress from the Autumn Court.

Feyre was standing behind the door a bunch of clothes piled in her hands. She frowned when she saw you hadn't taken a bath yet.

"Were you waiting for me to bring other clothes or what," she said gesturing to the open bathroom door.

You grabbed the notepad and wrote:

The water is too hot. I tried to wait for it to cool down but it didn't. I don't like hot things.

At your note Feyre's face softened. "I can cool it off for you," she offered, "How would you like it?"

Almost cold. Room temperture?

Your baths, (if you could call them that), that you had as a maid had just been taking a quick dip in frozen water with several other girls.

Feyre nodded and strode to the bathroom where she knelt next to the bathtub and waved her hand over the water.

"Is this better?"

You dipped a foot in. Gods, yes that was better. It wasn't cold enough for you to shiver in but it was cool. Sort of like a lake on a warm day.

You nodded.

"Good. There are clothes on the bed. There's undergarments, dress, pants, shirts, shoes, socks, and nightgowns. If there's anything else you need just come find me or someone. Oh, and if you don't want to write to me just let down your mental shields and we can talk mind-to-mind," she said with a smile.

You let your mental shields down and you could feel the High Lady's presence in your mind.

Do you perhaps have an extra satchel or small bag. Azriel gave me a notebook and I wish to carry it with me. You thought trying to keep thoughts of the handsome male out of your mind.

Of course, I can have it ready by tonight at dinner. She spoke, tinged with amusement as she walked out, closing the door behind her.

You built your mental walls up and took your clothes off before getting into the bathtub. You saw your scars and burn marks in the mirror. Your bathrooms didn't have mirrors. Only the people you served and you kept yourself completely covered for those encounters.

Mother it'd been so long since you could relax and the bath did just that. Once you finished washing, you sat on one of the steps and allowed yourself to melt against the water.

You forced yourself to get out to not fall asleep and ignored the mirror as you strode past.

You sorted through the pile of clothes on the bed. There was everything from dresses that were practically lingerie to a set of Illyrian leathers. As you peered closer to the leathers you saw a note saying:

I saw these weren't being used and figured you should have them if you wanted to train. If you want to, just find me, Cassian, or Rhys and tell us. -Azriel

You figured training would be a good thing to do to build muscle and also to defend yourself.

You pushed thoughts of that aside and dressed in a pair of leggings and a simple sweater and opened the door to get dinner with your notepad.

Tinkling laughter echoed from the staircase that led to the dining room. You walked down the stairs, feet silent and came to at the entrance to the dining room.

No one noticed you there, nor heard your feet from what you could tell.

Suddenly a presence appeared next to you and you turned to see Azriel beckoning you to sit in the other open spot.

It was between Cassian and Feyre. You thanked the Mother that you didn't have to sit in the other which was between two unfamiliar females.

One had a short black hair and silver eyes and the other looked like Feyre, but a much more delicate version.

There was another women standing in the doorway. Sharp would be the best word to describe her. Sharp cheekbones, sharp eyes.

Shit. Her sharp eyes snatched to you but you stared right back even as she approached you.

"I haven't seen you before. Are you also a member of their perfect little family?" Mother even her voice was sharp.

You snorted and wrote on your notepad.

Mother I hope not.

She smirked and stuck her hand out, a human gesture. "I'm Nesta."

Ah the High Lady's sister. So the soft one must be Elain.

You shook her hand and wrote your name.

"You're new I haven't met you before," she said eyeing you.

They claimed me from the Autumn Court.

"So you're the one they were talking about. They were discussing if you could be trusted. Rhysand said he looked into your mind and didn't see anything bad so they're keeping you I guess. But why can't you talk?"

Instead of writing anything down, you opened your mouth and showed her the absence of your tongue. Instead of the pitying look most people gave you, her gaze hardened, angry.

"Just another reason to murder Beron I suppose," she said threateningly.

You just wrote:

Please do. And do it where I can watch. Or let me have a turn.

She laughed at that, a cruel, harsh sound that had everyone pausing their conversations.

You grinned. You liked Nesta and her sharp tongue.

Where are you going to sit? You wrote.

Whatever happiness lingered in her face vanished at the question. "I'm not going to."

Then I'm not either.

That was the start of your friendship with Nesta. On the days you trained she would sit and watch you. You would both sit in the library and read each others books. She introduced you to her world of smut, smut, and more smut. Honestly you didn't complain one bit. I mean how could you?

Your friendship with Cassian also progressed. Sometimes he would train you, sometimes Azriel would. He also gave you books. They were a lot less interesting than Nesta's but you read them.

He was there for every step of your recovery. I mean so was Nesta but she was also trying to recover and didn't express her emotions as much as Cassian did. Honestly the tension between those two... You wished they would shut up and get together at this point.

Mor you didn't really click with. I mean she was always nice but her personality was overwhelming sometimes. She loved physical affection. You had nothing against that but you didn't like people touching you as much as she does with people.

Feyre on the other hand understood you more then she let on. She always knew when you were struggling and offered a hand. She also knew you couldn't go on extravagant spending sprees like Mor did, especially when it wasn't your money. She was content just enjoying your company without having conversations, and when you did it was nice not having to write, since she spoke in your mind.

Rhysand you didn't really have a relationship with. He was your High Lord and was always busy, so you two didn't spend much time one-on-one. And whenever you did and it was silent, the silence was uncomfortable. He knew everything about you, had seen it in your head, (with your permission of course), but it made you slightly nervous that you were so vulnerable to someone that powerful.

But Azriel, he knew everything. That was because you trusted him. He had told you everything about his past, so you told him about yours. You held each other in the early hours of dawn due to the nightmares you each had. There so far, was no mating bond with each other but you felt like you didn't need one. You two were close enough that you would tell each other anything. You liked this feeling, completely bare to someone else that was also completely bare. Physically and mentally.

You had shown each other your scars. He knew the feeling of the burns, the light prickle that turned into an inferno. Like you needed to scratch the skin off. His room was always cool for that precise reason. When you woke up screaming in the night, he was there to hold you, his shadows caressing your bare skin. He knew of the males that hurt you, he fought all his instincts to not go off and find them to tear them apart. No, he swore you could have that chance.

He hadn't minded kissing you even without your tongue. It took some getting used to be he didn't care. Didn't care that you couldn't talk. He bought you notebook after notebook so you could talk to him. There were separate ones that only stayed in his room, completely filled up that he always took when he went on missions, to read over when he wasn't with you.

Once your relationship became public, he doted on you every chance he got. Taking you to shops, buying you anything your eye snagged on, or just holding you during meetings with the Inner Circle.

At first he knew you weren't super comfortable with touch, so he made it his mission to help you. At first it started with small touches, light kisses, and holding hands. Then it went to having an arm around your shoulders or waist. Once you became comfortable, he held you publicly or had a hand on your thigh.

You never were unfomfortable with him no matter who else you were with. He made you feel safe. How could you? He was home.

Your home.

[minhosbxtch]

Amber Shots

Azriel x reader

Warnings: language, alcohol, sexual content (no smut), just fluff pretty much

First fic soooooo...

You had came to a few of Feyre's painting workshops and she and you had became friends after a few short lessons. At the one yesterday, she had offered you to come with her and the Inner Circle to Rita's one night.

You hadn't met any of them yet and were slightly nervous. Despite all of Feyre's assurances that they were nice and would love you, you were still unsure especially since you had heard all of the whisperings of them.

You knew the Morrigan and Cassian, the Lord of Bloodshed were both quite kind as you had run into them several times at Rita's and had both been polite. On the other hand the Shadowsinger, the High Lord and his Second, Amren, you knew, had a rather interesting reputation. The High Lady's sisters on the other hand you knew nothing about.

Still she showed up in a dark indigo, long sleeved, square necked dress that Feyre had bought for her last Solstice.

Feyre had offered to walk you there but since your apartment was only a short walk from Rita's (which was great for times you brought someone home with you), you declined.

Slipping on a pair of black heeled boots, you headed out the door and onto the street. The street was mostly deserted since it was past the kids' bedtimes and most single people were already at the bars.

To you, the deserted street was honestly scarier than if it was crowded. The streetlamps did an awful job of lighting the crooks and crannies of the street.

Maybe it was just your nerves, but you couldn't shake the feeling that something was lurking out there. With your head occupied with that thought you willed your feet to move faster, almost jogging.

As you saw the bar you sighed with relief and slowed down, hearing the loud music and chatter of the occupants.

Walking in, the noise only got louder.

"Hey! I didn't think you would make it!" A voice shouted right next to your ear.

Turning around you saw your High Lady grinning looking beautiful as always wearing a sparkly dark blue dress. Without letting you respond she took your wrist and dragged you over to a large table right next to the bar.

At the table sat all the members of the Inner Circle. Cassian grinning jovially as Nesta sat in his lap drinking her own glass of who-knows-what. Next to them sat the Morrigan who had several empty shot glasses in front of her looking quite tipsy. Sitting next to her was the High Lord himself, who seeing her arrival, gave you an easygoing smile and beckoned his mate to sit in his lap. Taking a quick moment to look at Feyre she rolled her eyes and tugged you down to two empty chairs. Her sitting beside Cassian and Nesta and you next to the Shadowsinger. You met his eyes which were assessing you. Clearly calculating if you were a threat. Then, coming to the conclusion that you weren't turned around back to his drink. There was no sigh of the fearsome Second.

"Here," Feyre offered, setting a couple shot glasses in front of you and then pouring an amber liquid inside of them. "This is Cassian and Nesta," she said rolling her eyes, "then Mor and there's Rhys and Azriel." She said pointing to each as she introduced them. "I don't know where Amren is though."

"The fearsome snowball? She's with Varian tonight," yelled Cassian wiggling his eyebrows.

Feyre just turned to you and rolled her eyes and said, "Ignore Cassian."

Giving her a smile you reached for the shot glasses in front of you and downed them all. The liquid was different then anything you had previously drunken. Yes it still burned your throat as it went down, but it tasted some much sweeter and warmer then regular whiskey.

Slightly reeling at the unfamiliarness you gave Feyre a questioning look and asked, "Gods, what's in that?"

She smiled and opened her mouth to answer, but before she could the Morrigan interrupted her, "That's the good stuff. I don't even know what the name is or what's in it but that shits good. I'm Mor by the way," she answered smiling.

Smiling back you inclined your head and said, "I'm Y/N."

"Y/N," she mused, "what a pretty name for a pretty female," she said smiling almost devilishly.

A low growl sounded from the male next to you. Rhysand gave him a look and both of their eyes got distant.

"On that note I'm gonna leave," said Nesta getting up from Cassian's lap and pulling him into a long kiss before walking out.

The Morrigan- no Mor grinned and said, "Don't mind them. Here, you want more?" She asked, holding a large bottle full of the amber liquid.

You nodded, "Of course. That shits awesome."

Cassian and Mor laughed. Out of the corner of your eye you could see Rhysand and Azriel finally come out of their mental conversation.

Mor leaned over the table and said, "Here if you can beat me in a drinking contest then... I don't know we'll figure that out later."

Raising your eyebrows at her tipsy inquiry you pretended to think about it for a minute. "Well... I suppose it couldn't hurt," you said while grinning.

In one big motion Cassian had cleared off the whole table and started to set up all of the glasses.

With his arm he had sent one glass flying to the floor. The glass hit the ground next to you and surprisingly, only broke into a few large pieces. You knelt to pick them up since no one had really noticed.

But you were the one that didn't notice Azriel's hand coming up over the sharp edge of the table to make sure you didn't bump your head.

As you rose your head hit Azriel's hand instead of the sharp table corner to which you gave him a grateful smile he didn't react to except for a small nod.

You set the glass on the side of the table and debated how much you'd be able to drink. With Mor already pregaming it would be easy to win.

Rhysand started to move the chairs out of the way so that we would have enough space to collapse without hitting someone. There would only be two people sitting to help catch someone if their legs gave out.

On Mor's side was Feyre and on your side it was Azriel. Honestly you probably would've preferred Feyre. Even if Azriel was handsome you still didn't completely trust him.

As Cassian finished setting up you could see out of your peripheral vision a mass of black shadows come up from behind you almost touching you as if to support you. A few tendrils wrapped around your calves and you smiled at the ticklish feeling.

Little did you know that Azriel wasn't controlling the ones that had started wrapping around your calves and now reached you thighs. Rhys was sending him questioning looks asking what he was doing and to be completely honest he had no idea.

He had no idea why his shadows liked this female so much. They had flocked to her as soon as he saw her when she walked in. He had to restrain them from wrapping around her, tangling in her hair, and caressing her cheek. It unnerved him how much not only his shadows flourished in her presence, but himself too.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself, it'd been a while since you had done something like this.

"3..."

"2..."

"1.."

"GO!"

At the sudden yell from both Rhys and Cassian you started grabbing shot glasses and knocking them back as fast as you could. You started off strong but once you got to the 8th or 9th you started to slow down. As you risked a glance at Mor you saw she was on her 5th or 6th and was much slower then you were.

You also didn't notice Azriel had safely moved the shattered glass out of your reach, as you put your hand right where the shards were.

As you kept going once you were on your 14th shot you heard a crash but kept drinking until you finished all 20 shots. As you set the last one down you staggered back, stomach roiling feeling something soft supporting you.

You thought you were hallucinating as you saw tendrils of shadow gently wrapped around your waist and legs keeping you semi-stable.

Azriel stood abruptly from his chair and offered it to you with a slight nod of his head.

You thought you might throw up so you just swallowed and nodded.

As your world stopped spinning you could see Mor sprawled out half on the table and half on the chair. You could also see shadows still around your legs and now interlaced with her fingers. Feyre was crouched next to Mor more like supporting her while Cassian was cleaning the glasses and the spilled drink on Mor's side.

You gave everyone in the room a slow smile and slurred saying, "I win."

Azriel crouched down next to you and said, "Yeah sweetheart I think you did," he lips quirked upwards in a small smile.

"Huh your eyes," you drawled.

"What about them?" he asked smiling at you.

"They look like the what's it called?" You said tilting your head, snapping your fingers trying to form coherent thoughts.

"Darling I have no idea what your talking about," Azriel said suppressing his smile.

All thoughts of trying to talk vanished the instant he called you darling. You stared at him with wide eyes.

His smile instantly vanished thinking he did something wrong, "What? Did I do something wrong?" He said panicking.

"You called me darling," you stuttered out.

"Oh, sorry. I won't again," Azriel said slightly disappointed.

"No!," You blurt out, "Please," you looked up at him through your eyelashes.

He smiled, eyes betraying his relief.

Eyes. His eyes.

"Here let's get you home," he started, going to pick you up.

"Darling," you corrected him.

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion, "Huh?"

In your drunken stupor you gained the confidence to reach up and press on the little crease between his eyebrows before correcting him, "Here let's get you home darling."

He chuckled, "Of course my apologies," he cleared his throat before announcing quite loudly, "Here let's get you home my darling."

"MY darling? Since when? Azriel you gotta tell me this stuff!" Cassian said loudly.

Azriel rolled his eyes and said side-eyeing Cassian, "I'm gonna take her home now."

At Cassian's eyebrow raise Azriel whacked him on the back of the head and said sternly, "Get you're head out of the gutter. I know you've been spending a lot of time with Nesta but don't get into reading her books."

Cassian, the feared Lord of Bloodshed let out a childish giggle at Azriel's statement.

Azriel rolled his eyes again and picked you up and started to walk out. Rita's was technically closed for a private event so all of the partygoers were all gone except for the Inner Circle.

"Y'know you shouldn't roll your pretty eyes so much. They might get stuck up there y'know?" You worried.

He raised his eyebrows and with a smirk asked, "You think my eyes are pretty?"

You pressed your lips together but with his look you immediately folded. "So what maybe I do. The color is really pretty you know? It's like whiskey and amber depending on your mood."

"Why thank you," he said with a smirk, "Also where the hell do you live?"

Slightly ashamed of your living quarters you quietly said, "In an apartment on Stucky St."

He bit the inside of his cheek he said, "Well that won't do will it? Here I'll take you to our home at least for the night."

You gasped. "Really?" You had heard about the place from Feyre and instantly fallen in love with how it sounded. Open and free. It would certainly be a good change from your small, cramped apartment.

"Mhm I don't think it could hurt," he said with a smile. As he neared the outside of the buildings with overhead coverings, he flexed out his wings behind him.

At the sight of your widended eyes Azriel chuckled and stretched them out even more, showing off his impressive wingspan, bigger than both Rhysand's and Cassian's.

"Hold on ok?" he said looking down at you.

You just nodded and clutched the strap of his leathers tight. Azriel sighed and rolled his eyes before adjusting your hands where one of them was behind his neck and the other was on his shoulder.

You could feel the muscles in his shoulder flex as he prepared for take off. You could feel the gust of air and a drop in your stomach as you pressed your face in the side of his neck.

His hands, one underneath your knees and the other cradling you to his chest tightened until you felt secure. How he knew you didn't know but with the steady beat of his wings and the warmth of his body you fell asleep on his shoulder in the air, a golden thread tugging in your chest, connecting to the male that was carrying you.

-'~{~}~'-

You woke up to the bright beam of sunlight coming through the window next to your bed. As your eyes adjusted to the light you could see someone had left a glass of water and a small pill in a dish with a note that said in neat elegant script:

Helps with headaches. Thought you might need it. - Azriel

You stood up, stretching, joints cracking as you looked around the large, spacious, bedroom. The room was decorated with hues of dark blue and indigo with furniture tastefully chosen and not giving any information on who the person lived as. A cracked door led into a large bathroom with an almost pool-like bathtub. There was a large shelf that was piled high with towels, scented bodywash, shampoo, and conditioner. Across from the shelf there was a black marble-looking sink with a large mirror hanging on the wall above it.

You noticed that your dress was gone. You were wearing sweatpants that had been rolled several times and a large baggy t-shirt. Your undergarments had been untouched and your dress was hanging on a rack next to the bathtub.

You didn't remember anything from last night except downing drinks hurriedly.

You felt... lighter of some sorts. Happier. Like some weight had been lifted off your chest. You felt a tugging of sorts in your chest. You gently tugged back on the glowing golden thread that was there.

Mate. You had found your mate.

Only problem. You didn't remember who.

Shit.

Snapping you out of your trance, your stomach growled loudly. You had no idea what time it was. You walked out of the bathroom and pushed open the door to the room.

Stepping inside the long hallway, you could hear grumbling coming from the end where there was the start of a stairwell.

Slowly, quietly you snuck down the stairs to see a large kitchen where there were two females.

You immediately saw Feyre who gave you a grin and nodded her good mornings. The other one who was currently working on a batch of what looked like pastries, gave you a small nervous smile and returned to her work.

"Here you can go sit in the dining room while we get these ready. Mor and Cassian are still sleeping so you'll be undisturbed," Feyre said motioning to a set of double doors.

Nodding gratefully pushed through the doors to be met with a large room with midnight blue walls and a large mahogany table in the middle with about a dozen chairs all around.

As you went to sit at the closest one at the edge, (so you only had to sit next to one person), you noticed a shadowy figure sitting on one of the plush armchairs in the corner.

Azriel nodded in greeting and you felt that cord in your chest tighten, almost in recognition. You sucked in a breath as you put the pieces together.

Azriel is my mate. Holy shit.

You had no complaints he was hot as fuck and despite of the rumors you had heard of him, he was kind and pretty gently, at least that you've seen.

He smiled at your widened eyes and began, "So you felt it too?"

At your nod you saw something in his eyes break as his smile faded, "It's okay if you don't want me. I mean if you just want time I'll wait but if you don't want me just say it. Please, " he pleaded.

"No, no no," you started assuring him as you went over and stood in front of him. "That's not a problem. Your not a problem. Never to me. I mean you have no idea of the rumors that I've heard about you," his eyes darkened as she said that, "but you proved them all wrong," she insisted, "they say your a bloodthirsty monster you cares for no one. But you... you were completely different. When I was drunk last night you brought me home. When I almost collapsed you caught me. You made sure I didn't fall. You didn't fore me to be your mate and have no rights. You're a good male Azriel."

At your words you could see his eyes were slightly glassy. "Thank you, but just know I will NEVER make you-" he started.

He never finished because you had grabbed his face in your hands and kissed him. Hard.

You had kissed males and females before. Some meaningful, some not. But this was different then those. This made every inch of you sing with happiness.

His lips were slightly parted in surprise at first, but then he returned your force. Standing up, not breaking the kiss, one of his hands slid to your waist, then hips, then cupped your ass as he backed you into the wall. His other hand cupped your face and then tilted your head back to deepen the kiss.

One of your hands tangled in his hair while the other slid to his shoulder, then back, and then caressed his wings which were cradling you both, hiding you from view. At your touch Azriel let out a moany sigh into your mouth, the sound going straight to the spot between your legs.

Azriel smirked against your mouth and his hand on your ass started moving towards your front at an agonizingly slow pace. You returned his smirk, hand darting to the hard bulge in his pants. All momentum he'd gained vanished against your hand palming him through his leathers.

"Well I wondered when this would happen," you heard a sleepy Cassian say, fanning the air.

You heard a clatter as the pan Feyre was holding clattered against the wall in attempts to mask her surprise and amusement.

Azriel moved his head slightly, enough for you to see your audience. Cassian standing in the doorway smirking. Feyre with the pan in her hands and flushed cheeks. And Rhys. Rhys was sprawled out on the couch with clear view of them.

"Well as much as I enjoy the view, I would like it if you took care of this more privately," Rhys drawled with a smirk.

"Maybe we will," Azriel smirked against you neck as he hoisted you into his arms, nipping at your neck.

As he carried you up the steps, mouth already latched to yours again, you heard Mor say, "Mother why do all of you goddamn Illyrian babies have to fuck on everything."

You could feel Azriel's smile against your lips as he carried you up towards his bedroom.

[minhosbxtch]

NO FUCKING WAY YALL

I HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS KENJI KISHIMOTO

YES THE KENJI KISHIMOTO

THE LEGEND

I FEEL HONORED WITH BEING BORN ON THE SAME DAY AS THIS HONORABLE MAN

honestly i'm so whipped for him i'd even let him give me a haircut