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baby trap idea/au (it goes very wrong)

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Diversity win! The horniest person you know is on the asexual spectrum

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Some names just sound so ridiculously fake that had they been fictional, people would’ve rolled their eyes in complete disbelief. Like seriously. Wdym there’s a mf called Galileo Galilei. Stfu. You just made that up

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I have no one to talk about this with.

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Diet culture is hilarious and rad actually

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made these fellas!!!!

not including my non-plush Horst dolls

credits:

🤍 | 🧸 | 🤍

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Some reptiles shed their outer layer in one full piece.

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I don’t think I’ve ever talked about my Villain!Horst AU on tumblr.

Basically this post but expanded upon

Horst (+his loyal evil minion) start robbing banks and heisting jewelry stores after losing Gusteau’s. Horst’s includes a wolf mask and stilts. He calls himself Le Loup Blanc, “the white wolf”. The two have fun doing all the crimes but Horst starts obsessing over getting revenge on Linguini. When the day finally comes to burn down La Ratatouille and beat the shit out of Linguini, Horst goes too far and nearly kills him AND reveals his identity.

I wanna write a fanfic maybe.

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“im gonna put that old man in a situation” and then the old man is 35 and the situation is heterosexual marriage. get real and put werner herzog in a saw trap or stop wasting my time

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this is one of my favourite videos ever i turned it into an mp3 and put it on my phone so i could listen to iy whenever i wanted

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HORST BACKSTORY SUMMARY

All text, no drawings, good luck soldier 🫡

Family background:

Caspar (brother), Bernadette (mother), unnamed Father

Happy family! Surprise pregnancy when Caspar is five years old, everyone’s excited for the new baby!

…BERNADETTE DIES DURING CHILDBIRTH. EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT!!!!!!

Childhood:

Horst’s full name is Karl Horst Engel. He never liked the name Karl but his dad didn’t care. Called him Karl. That or “boy”.

His dad didn’t care for Horst very much. For one, Horst looks like Bernadette. Blonde hair, blue eyes, big forehead. His dad doesn’t like being reminded of his dead wife, so he neglected him often. Horst-baby has a flat head because of it. And a speech delay but that’s partially the autism. Horst-kid got into a lot of trouble because of the emotional neglect and obvious favoritism toward Caspar. He felt he had to act out for attention, any attention.

Adolescence:

At around…let’s say, 14? Horst-teen started hanging around bad influences. Shoplifting, smoking, being a general nuisance. He’d break curfew but his dad doesn’t care about him anyways, why would Horst follow it? His father watched his youngest son get worse and worse as a person without intervening. At some level, he wanted to fix it. But at most levels, he was sick of Horst. So he kicks him out at age 17, telling Caspar (who was away at college) oh your little brother ran away, too bad so sad. Horst-teen of course is fucked up beyond belief. He’s homeless and has to find refuge with his friends, who also didn’t have the best homes.

Young Adulthood:

Eventually, Horst gets by. He has an unfulfilling job and can pay the rent (split between like, four roommates). He goes clubbing and parties and doesn’t grow up quiet yet. Only when he accidentally murders a guy does he lock in. HE REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO… 5’7 and about as heavy as a sack of potatoes, nobody expected him to hit the “die immediately” button. Horst gets arrested, spends some time in jail, yadda yadda.

Gusteau’s:

When Horst gets outta prison he’s like ok. I can’t keep living like that. So he looks for a better job with very little success. Gusteau was like an angel sent from above, the way he didn’t care how Horst LITERALLY KILLED A GUY. He saw Horst’s work ethic and attention to detail and brought him aboard. Horst cleans up and finally starts living alone. Too alone.

Marriage:

Horst doesn’t want to date… it doesn’t interest him. He puts out a newspaper ad as Gusteau’s gains traction and finds a woman to meet.

Ms. Margaret Gale… The good girl to Horst’s bad boy. While opposites attract, they don’t necessarily have the same expectations of the other. Needless to say, their relationship doesn’t work out. They divorce within a year and Lalo makes Horst think about the marriage and then realize a few things:

Ms Gale was like, really abusive

Neither wanted a partner, but a symbol

Horst is GAY

Pre-Ratatouille:

Horst cuts his hair (💔) and really focuses on his work. Like, excessively. It’s all he cares about since it’s something he’s good at. Something consistent. When Gusteau dies, he gets conflicted feelings. On one hand, his own mental health could fail at any moment. He’s terrified one day he'll lose it and do something awful— to himself or Skinner. On the other hand… he’s gotta keep at it. He never thought he’d even reach 18. As Gusteau's popularity drops, and the majority of the profit comes from frozen food, Horst maintains his hold on the kitchen. It’s his baby. Which makes Linguini’s (+Remy’s) actions all the more heartbreaking.

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:)

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Okay so. Context… I headcanon Horst to be a divorcee because of the amusing misreading of “hors d'oeuvres” as horse divorce.

since that headcanon left a hole to fill, I created Margaret Gale (or as I like to refer to her, Ms. Gale)

theres way too much lore to explain in one post but know this… they are terrible together. And I love torturing them.

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an observation on ratatouille

I just realized something about Ratatouille (that everyone probably knows already) but like??? Remy??? his whole personality is that he doesn't care about anyone else??? Sure, we all know how he wants to cook and all that, but as the movie progresses we see that Remy really doesn't care what happens to anyone else so long as he gets to cook (i.e. telling Emile that he doesn't care if Linguini looses his job, refuses Colette's help, getting mad when he isn't the one who gets all the fame)

And just who is the villain??? EGO. The antagonist is a play on words. "The Grim Eater" is so egotistical that he doesn't give anything he doesn't love a chance. It isn't until Remy gets over his ego and accepts the help of others does Ego come to a place where he too overcomes his ego.

(side note: also his monologue at the end is top teir)

Anyway, everyone has probably already noticed this (considering this came out in 2007), but I thought I'd share

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HORST - RATATOUILLE

reasoning: I’m fag?