miraculouslyidiotic

[miraculouslyidiotic]

The character foils between Adam Parrish and Kavinsky. Both from abusive households. Both with a history of aggression, one internalized and the other externalized. Both with the impulse for destruction, to which one embraces, (Kavinsky) and the other suppresses (Adam). How both of them are love interests to Ronan. Kavinsky the serpent, Adam the first man. Evil incarnate, and evil inherited. Dear GOD.

[miraculouslyidiotic]

previously : lesson 1 — “kavinsky was a literal rapist”

hello class ! today, we become detectives (how exciting) and attempt to solve the dick pic mystery through an attentive study of chapter 40 of the dream thieves. i might as well break it to you now : there will be no definitive answers, even on the other side of nonsense mountain, to our two very pressing questions, which are (1) whose dick was it ? and (2) who took the damn picture ? we will probably have a hard time, as well, determining why on earth there are people who are so sure that the infamous dick pic was taken by kavinsky while ronan was unconscious (e.g. : here, here, here, and here) — it very probably involves a lot of bad faith and blurry memories of the actual book. fortunately, there are other people who share some doubts re : this hypothesis. there is still hope.

without further stalling, let’s get reading.

to follow the lesson easily, and because i wasn’t going to quote the whole chapter, here’s what you should open in tabs : 1 & 2 (i couldn’t make it both readable and fit in a single image, sorry.)

PART 1 : WHOSE DICK WAS IT ?

well, who knows. gansey assumes it’s ronan’s because the picture is coming from ronan’s phone and perhaps because of the irish flag tied around it, but i mean “it was a close-up of a part of ronan’s anatomy he hadn’t seen before” so he doesn’t know any better than we do. it might as well have been kavinsky’s.

PART 2 : WHO TOOK THAT PIC AND UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES ?

wouldn’t we all like to know. there is a variety of options, some likelier than others, but the first and main thing i’d like to do is : show how little textual evidence there is to support the theory that it was kavinsky who took a picture of ronan’s dick without his consent / while he was unconscious.

at the very beginning of chapter 40, we learn that, in the middle of a tea party, gansey received three texts from ronan / ronan’s phone. the first one was the dick pic, and the two others were undoubtedly from ronan :

before you hear it from anyone else, i wrecked the pig

but don’t worry man i got it under control say hi to your mom from me

but why so undoubtedly ? well, would kavinsky know to call gansey’s car “the pig” ? do these texts sound kavinsky ? has kavinsky ever used a comma in a text in his life ? how would these texts make sense if they were from kavinsky ? because their content would imply that kavinsky would have wanted to appease gansey, to try and protect gansey and ronan’s relationship from the consequences of ronan’s mistake, somehow, and that’s nowhere near the realm of possibility.

chapter 40 also tells us that there could have been no more than a few minutes between the dick pic and those two other texts. so are we supposed to believe that ronan was unconscious while kavinsky tied a flag around his dick, took a picture of it and sent it to gansey, then came back to his senses to write those texts, and then fell asleep again ? well i guess you could choose to believe that, if you were hellbent on making canon fit your headcanon.

here is a timeline of sorts :

t1 : a dick pic is sent

t1 + a few minutes, maybe / t2 : two texts are sent

t2 + 5 minutes, probably less than 10 minutes : gansey calls ronan, but it’s kavinsky who picks up

so : three texts were sent within minutes, and ronan sent the last two. in all likeliness, he was awake when the first one was sent as well.

then, we can only speculate : was the picture taken by either ronan or kavinsky while they were intoxicated and/or high, because they thought it such fun, and then later on kavinsky snatched ronan’s phone and sent it to gansey ? is it ronan who sent the picture ? whose dick was it god damn it ? was the text sent right after the picture was taken, because any minute of thinking would have led to it not being sent at all ? why did no one ever mention this again ? if ronan was awake when the dick pic was sent, even if he didn’t send it and it was sent without his consent, how could he possibly not have known that it was sent, given the short time that elapsed between the dick pick and the texts ? did he hope to distract gansey’s attention from it by sending those texts ?

i see someone, stirring in the dark, getting ready to ask me : BUT what if kavinsky took the picture while ronan was indeed unconscious, and then sent it later, while ronan was awake ? well, (1) why on earth would he have done that (2) patience never seemed to be kavinsky’s thing (3) but yeah whatever if you want to believe that i can’t stop you.

BUT … kavinsky touched ronan’s back while he thought ronan was asleep, so it’s so very likely that he touched ronan’s dick while he was unconscious ? — wow, i just love the way you think, by all means, keep it up.

BUT … what if all the texts were from kavinsky, since it can be no more than 10 minutes after the texts when gansey calls ronan’s phone and it’s kavinsky who picks up and ronan isn’t awake enough to talk to gansey after kavinsky yells at him to wake up fuckweasel it’s your girlfriend ? — well it doesn’t seem impossible at all that, after sending the texts about having wrecked the pig, ronan would have passed out. and i’ve already pointed out how very improbable it is that kavinsky sent those texts.

so there. there is absolutely nothing in the text to make the “kavinsky took the picture while ronan was unconscious” option more plausible than others. i’d go as far as to say that it is amongst the less likely of options.

ha, class, we’ve accomplished so much ! in only two lessons, we’ve managed to show that not only isn’t there any hard evidence in favor of kavinsky being a rapist, we’ve also demonstrated how it is just as false to say that he sexually assaulted ronan in any way ! (unless you count back-touching as sexual assault. please, come and try to convince me of that, i’d be delighted.) i am more than certain that people will continue to say that kavinsky was guilty of sexual assault, but i cherish the hope that if such a person should manifest themselves, they could be linked to my posts to see the error of their ways. class, i am a dreamer.

in our next lesson, we’ll see if people can be justified in saying that “kavinsky deserved better” through a distinction between (1) the way he was treated by other characters throughout the book and (2) his ultimate inevitable demise. see you then.

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Hm.

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adam: yeah, i, uh… i work at a car mechanic. i fix cars for a living.

fuck fuck why did i say that STUPID idiot why did i say that OH MY GOD WHY DID I SAY THAT

gansey: can i tell you about my special interest

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things to think about as an act of self flagellation

"i was more when i was alive"

ronan lynch

"i was more when i was alive"

adam parrish

"i was more when i was alive"

the orphans lynch

"i was more when i was alive"

"i was more when i was alive"

"i was more when i was alive"

"I WAS MORE WHEN I WAS ALIVE"

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Idk about u but I love outside pov fics. How or when do u think people at aglionby or around town found out about Adam and ronan? I don’t think they’d be open but I also don’t think they’d be not not open, u know? Like it’s the south, but I see them not wanting to hide. We know at least by the epilogue that Adam’s parents have found out somehow, which id also kill to know when that happened

Long story short, there aren’t enough outside POV fics

Ok, I've been thinking about this ask for DAYS because I am in full, full agreement on your read of that dynamic but I struggle to put this into words? I find that in-between of Pynch in TRK versus the TRK Epilogue versus Opal so intriguing because there's been such offpage development at that point. It's why I write so much of them in those early stages - I have this ache to fill in the blanks.

To be honest, I don't see Adam and Ronan changing too much of their dynamic early on. I think, especially with the rumour mill as we've heard it at Aglionby (Gansey and Ronan being an item; Adam being gay), and their nonchalance in regards to it, (like... none of them seemed to care all too much?) I don't think they'd care for hiding anything? Hiding a relationship feels relatively against Ronan's principles, and Adam at that point in the story either doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks or has trained himself to pretend to not give a fuck. (For all I am a sucker for a good secret relationship trope. Oh, that thrills my soul. I have such a weak spot for it.)

I also think with Ronan, who is terrified of change, and with Adam, who literally does not have the time, they'd just slot coupley behaviors into what they already did? In canon, they already hung out (even pre series) and at the point in their relationship we left them at, it's still so new and transitional. (And Ronan is actively grieving). I don't think their behavior would ping anything, especially at Aglionby. Ronan was barely showing up to school at that point, had promised himself to drop out.

To be honest, they'd just do... what Adam and Ronan do? They're a separate enough unit at this point, and small towns talk. So one person sees them kiss off school grounds and it spreads around and I can see them just... not giving a shit. I think at the most they'd laugh anything off. (Like, considering how Adam and Ronan treat Henry, anything against their values/character is worthy of intense scorn in their eyes.) I do think Ronan is the type to go, "fuck you I'll kiss my boyfriend if I want" and lay one on Adam whenever the hell he wants. Neither of them are the type to occupy any sort of shame towards the other's position in their lives - they literally faced death and spiritual possession. I think homophobic ribbing is the least of their problems.

(Settle further that Adam doesn't blink when his dad makes a crack at his "boyfriend's beemer" and I think it just solidifies Adam doesn't give a shit. He doesn't value the opinion of those he deems unworthy of it.)

So, synopsis: it just spreads because they don't give a fuck. Like, they kiss in public because it doesn't matter. They had other shit going on. Small town rumour mill gets to them, everyone finds out. They continue not to care. Adam especially grows comfortable enough in his sexuality and in Ronan to make queer friends in college. They're assholes who sneer at anyone outside their circle.

(Ughhhh I love the "Pynch from the outside" fic series, and would love to work with that. I think we should make Tad Carruthers suffer a bit more. I actually have a tremendous love for seeing how other character's interpret their relationship - like seeing how Declan or Hennessy or Opal see them is so near and dear to me ahhh.)

[miraculouslyidiotic]

anyway backpacking off this post

kinda want to write a pynch au where adam, who continues to scam college students with tarot cards and psychic scams, meets ronan and gansey (or blue, but gansey is funnier) and is convinced they're dating and starts using his psychic gimmick to make gansey think he should break up with ronan so ronan will date him instead ok lmk if that's fun bye

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(at any given moment) i should reread the raven cycle

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idk i don’t get why everyone’s making live action versions of movies. I just watched httyd live action and it added like nothing??? what’s the point? just watch the original or rerelease it in cinemas and save a few billion dollars.

what’s next? a live action fantastic mr fox? well I guess they already did that with the lion king…

but like seriously I’m begging these companies to make something new

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fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

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they can never take our hey tiger

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When someone mentions that one character I relate so deeply to so I burst into tears

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how does one continue living after encountering pynch? nothing else seems important anymore

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religious guilt induces a very specific kind of shame, especially when you’re queer. i think we can all agree that ronan lynch never felt the need to conform to heteronormativity or felt ashamed of being gay (at least, i really don’t). but guilt is etched into religious practice. the reason for that is: believing in god is being forever unable to escape him, it’s surveillance, it’s feeling watched and listened to all the time. would you share every thought you’ve ever had out loud? well, you don’t have to, god’s in your head. the privacy of intimate thought is not a thing for religious people. add that to social injunctions pressuring you, being a Teenager, trying to survive your trauma, and you get yourself a nice, ugly, inescapable spiral to fall into

there’s no guilt involved in that scene, but ronan praying for adam when he sees him for the first time is a good example of that, in my opinion. look, god, you’re seeing what i am seeing, right? you know how i feel already, you are omniscient, please, let me (fill in the blank: have him/keep him/understand myself)

sexuality wise, i always write older ronan as an exhibitionist not only because it’s hot but because i think a lot of us who grew up religious are used to performing for a transcendent gaze. sometimes, there’s solace in turning this into something erotic, because it gives you agency over your own wants, and in a way, frees you from the shame (again, especially if you’re queer, and subversion makes your blood run a lil hotter). i think that’s what ethel cain’s perverts is all about, actually

also, on that guilt thing, i really love the idea of ronan lynch feeling guilty for adoring someone other than god, not just loving but adoring; that ought to create crisis… that’s another root of religious guilt, being met with something, or someone, that makes you question your faith: god or being gay? god or being a sexual being? god or losing control? god or adam parrish? making it to that stage of “why would i chose? both give me happiness” is a tedious, solitary and anxiety-inducing process, but i strongly believe that ronan gets there pretty fast, mainly when he figures out that he is, in fact, a god of his own

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i think we are all forgetting something when we talk about how toxic patrick, tashi, and art are — or when we decide one is “worse” than the other. they all have moments of seeing right through it, seeing each other’s toxic behavior for what it is, and STILL want and need each other in this possessive, envious, visceral way.

1. in the way beginning, tashi is clearly flirting more with art than patrick, and patrick is visibly annoyed. art sees right through it and even challenges him like “okay, let’s leave”, and has this little smirk on his face because he knows patrick won’t give up on tashi.

2. tashi immediately sees the visible tension and love between art and patrick, and literally orchestrates their first kiss. she sees right through their repression, and even calls herself a “home-wrecker” but still entangles herself with them, especially patrick because he’s clearly the better tennis player at that point and that is tash’s ONLY true love. tennis. that’s what she desires most in him, and patrick knows that. he even calls her out on it in the dorm room scene. but they have this mirroring fire in each other that neither of them can give up, not until patrick breaks the balance and bails — tashi’s injury is literally a metaphor for the balance shattering between all three of them when patrick leaves her.

3. before this, patrick sees right through art trying to break them up, and even admires that quality — maybe even feels smug and flattered because art is jealous and feels left out from both tashi and patrick. patrick has known this all along, we saw it in the “tick-serve” scene, where he even swears to tashi he won’t tell anyone but he still tells art, who is desperate to feel a part of them and patrick wants that, too — even keeps that close intimacy with art that we see in the churro scene (swoon swoon swoon).

4. haven’t you noticed that arts desire to be great is only ever tied up in patrick and tashi? how he needs to beat patrick to win tashis affection, how he needs to win in tennis so that tashi can live through him, how he lives up to his potential in the ending only because tashi and patrick push him to it, in their little fucked up ways? he knows this — he even admits that he’s playing for tashi, that he knows she’s living through him. he even admits he’s playing a fucked up little game with patrick when they’re in the sauna. yet he still does it. again, he knows what’s happening, sees right through them — still does it, still loves them.

5. when tashi calls patrick to come pick her up he knows it’s not just to tell him to throw the match — and despite how she battles him about it, they still have sex in the car, because he already knows. he’s so fully aware of her and her game and he’s so willing to be caught up in it, the same as art.

just some examples of how they all have moments of clarity and agency and yet they still choose to be entangled in one another because they’re all fucked up in their own, individual ways, and they’re all living through each other for their own specific needs. arts is to be seen as worthy, as great, but only through their gaze. tashis is to have the career that was stolen from her. patricks is truly to be in love and in lust with both of them, because we even see that from the beginning that tashis love alone will never satiate him; it has to be arts love, too. that scene in the sauna when he thinks he’s lost it from art is the most sad and fucked up we ever even see patrick. on top of tashi asking him to throw the game — he’s so defensive of arts feelings.

in short this is an actual love triangle (and i would go as far as to see it as a polyship). you can’t erase one without the whole thing unraveling, and you can’t say one character was the “worst” without picking apart the motivations and pointing to the fact that their bad behavior was never a secret or left unchecked.

even at the end, patrick signals to art that he slept with tashi — art knows and they still have that intimate completion at the end, all three of them. art living up to his potential and embracing patrick fully (id argue this could even be a metaphor for embracing his bisexuality), patrick having both tashi and arts affection again, and tashi playing a phenomenal tennis match through her little white boys — in such a visceral, emotional way that she cries out like she did in the beginning and the last frame is her smiling.

in a fucked up way, they all get what they wanted out of each other.