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[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 17: Emotions

Treatment isn’t easy for Yoongi. Dealing with the effects of withdrawal is one thing, but having to face his feelings head on is the hardest. He’s felt like quitting a number of times, but every evening he gets a message from Hyeri that reminds him why he’s doing this.

Hyeri had tried to limit her communication with Yoongi while he’s in treatment. She thought it was nice that they allowed him to keep his phone, but she had done a bit of online research and came to the conclusion that talking to him too much could do more harm than good. She keeps her messages down to a summary text at the end of each day. She does her best to only send positive messages. Nothing about her now daily conflicts with JJS, or how she’s been searching for a way out because they continue to treat her like she’s a troublesome burden. That stress she’s been carrying on her own.

For Yoongi, he only knows what Hyeri tells him. So in his mind she’s doing perfectly fine. She’s working hard and simply waiting for her next role. He’s happy that she’s doing well and it helps him relax more knowing he doesn’t have to worry about her.

Although he’s still allowed internet access he hasn’t spent much time looking at social media. He did once and he came across the ever vicious rumor mill spreading lies about Jimin owing a gambling debt to someone. It was so ridiculous that all he could do was laugh, but when he had his session with Minho the laugh turned to a cry.

Up until then he mostly spoke about Hyeri and himself in his sessions. That day he had to explore his feelings towards his members and that hurt him more. It was never a question whether he loves them, but he didn’t realize how much of their pain he put on himself. The rumors about Jimin were laughable, but Yoongi took it personal. He felt bad for Jimin being dragged through the mud for no reason and he felt helpless to do anything to protect him. Someone as sweet and selfless as Jimin doesn’t deserve that. None of the members do. After that, Minho suggested Yoongi stay away from socials and so he did.

Until today. While having lunch he found himself going down a rabbit hole that simply started with him trying to figure out the type of wood that was used in the construction of the cabin he’s staying in. After reading the history of log cabins around the world and the best wood for different climates, he saw a random Naver article at the bottom of the page he was on that caught his attention.

Rainbow heard arguing with manager, acting career over?

Laugh. He’s supposed to laugh these things off. He’s telling himself to laugh. He’s not laughing. He’s watching a video taken of Hyeri and he’s not laughing at all.

He knew not to click the article. He knew not to play the video someone candidly took from their cell phone. He knew better but did it anyway. The video shows Hyeri yelling at her manager in a rage. He hadn’t seen her like that with anyone other than him. The soft spoken Na Hyeri was unloading on her manager about the jobs she’s not being offered and how they keep lying to her about it. She mentions being forced to accept tiny roles for no money because they’re punishing her for telling the truth.

Last night, Hyeri had a shoot for what she was told was a commercial for a new perfume. What it turned out to be was a small budget shoot for an amateur made air freshener spray. When she learned that the shoot was unpaid, which they also lied about at first, she unleashed her rage towards her manager.

Hyeri thought they were alone. She asked to speak to her manager out back. She had no idea someone was standing by recording for some reason. Almost as soon as it happened, the video was everywhere. She’s horrified by the invasion of privacy and even more horrified that she once again finds herself the center of controversy.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, she gets a message from Yoongi today asking her what’s going on and if she’s ok. Last night when she got home after the entire fiasco, she sent Yoongi her usual text telling him she had a small shoot and that was it. Now it seems he’s seen the news and she knows he’s not too happy about her not telling him about how bad things have gotten between her and JJS.

She admits that things have been rocky, but she didn’t feel it was anything she needed to worry him about. Of course now that he knows, it’s got him more worried than if she had told him from the start. Once more her silence has caused the exact thing she wanted to avoid.

Unconvinced that she’s ok, Yoongi decides to call Hyeri. Until now they’ve only texted each other. They both agreed that it would be best that way until he’s made it through the rough beginnings of his sobriety. Today he doesn’t care about that though. He needs to hear her voice to be sure she’s ok.

“You’re breaking the rules, Yoon-gya,” Hyeri chuckles when she answers.

“I think I deserve a pass this once,” he responds relieved to hear her voice and to hear that she doesn’t seem to be in any distress.

“You didn’t believe me when I said I was ok?” She jokes.

“You tend to lie about that a lot,” he chuckles.

“Look who’s talking,” she laughs softly.

It feels like nothing has changed but at the same time it feels the way it felt when their relationship was fresh and new. They talk about anything and giggle at how cute each other sounds for about an hour before Yoongi finally asks what he initially called her for.

“So are you going to tell me about the video?” He asks.

“I hate people always invading my privacy,” she huffs.

“What’s this about the roles you’ve been getting? I thought you were working on some commercials?”

“I was. It’s just that they’re small commercials. The small kind that don’t pay,” she admits with shame.

“Hyeri…”

“I know, but I tried to stand up for myself,” she says hoping for praise. “I finally told them how the way they’re treating me is bullshit. I found roles that I wanted to go for and they got upset about it.”

“I’m proud of you,” he says. He knows opposing anyone is hard for her. For her to stand up to JJS after she had been so complacent before is a big step. “You don’t even sound like you’ve been crying,” he jokes.

“I’m not the same Hyeri I used to be,” she chuckles. “But….” She trails off not finishing her sentence.

“But?”

“I’m still a little…scared I guess.” She didn’t want to admit to that. She doesn’t want him worried about her, but they had been having such a good talk that she was about to release her troubles to him out of habit. He’s her best friend and she had been holding her fears in since she couldn’t tell him. Now it’s out there and she knows he’ll try to pry every feeling out of her in an attempt to understand, comfort, and fix every issue.

“Scared of what?” He asks.

“Everything. Losing everything. JJS isn’t going to treat me right so I need to leave them, but then where can I go?”

“Have you been looking around?”

“Yeah, but what if I’m rejected by everyone? What if this is it for my acting career? I could go back to music but you know acting is my passion.”

“Baby, I’ve told you I can get you in contact with people. Anything you need. You don’t have to try to do this on your own.”

“But I can’t have you help me,” she sighs. “Not right now at least. You need to focus on you.”

“I’m doing fine. Let me know what company you want to go for and I can find a contact and get you in touch.”

“Yoongi stop.” This is exactly what she knew he would do and exactly why she didn’t want to say anything. “I mean it. I’m scared but I’m not completely helpless. Please focus on your recovery and don’t worry so much about me.”

“I know,” he groans. “It’s just hard when I’m away.”

“What’s going to convince you that I’m fine?”

“I don’t know,” he huffs. “If I could see you or…hold you…”

“I just need you to trust me. If I’m not ok I’ll let you know.”

“Will you?”

“Of course. I promise. I just need you to trust me. Trust me and keep taking care of yourself. Can you promise me that?” She pleas.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I promise I’ll take care of myself. I promise I’ll be better so I can see you sooner. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Don’t worry about me.”

“Can you at least promise me you won’t keep things from me anymore? I know you don’t want to worry me but I think I worry more when you don’t tell me what’s going on. Whether it’s good or bad, I just want to be able to support you.”

“I know. I promise, babe.”

“I love you so much, Bow.” She can’t tell but he’s suddenly holding back tears. Talking to her, hearing her voice is so calming to him. He misses her so much and though he knows this is for a better future, it still hurts to be separated from her.

“I love you too, Yoon-gya.”

Hyeri misses him just as much. Dealing with the stress JJS has had her under has been exceptionally difficult without Yoongi being there to comfort her when she feels overwhelmed. All she can do is ask herself what Yoongi would do. Every time she does she ends up in trouble or the talk of the town for a while. It’s not all bad though. She’s been walked over her whole life because she never felt like she had a voice and was afraid to speak up. Now she does and she feels good setting boundaries and fighting for herself. She fears for the future, but she at least knows she won’t let anyone walk all over her again.

Yoongi got an extra boost of motivation after talking to Hyeri. He was determined more than ever to return to her soon and healthy. He still worries about her, but hearing her voice and how she didn’t sound sad at all helped him feel better.

Minho has been helping a lot as well. Yoongi still has a long way to go, but Minho could always find a way to make Yoongi feel safe when he’s vulnerable. Each session he opens up more and he feels much lighter being able to talk about things he had been holding on to for a while.

His next session after talking to Hyeri, Yoongi is much more enthusiastic and bright. He tells Minho about their conversation and how he’s happy to be getting the help he needs so he can be the best for her, his members, and his fans. But especially Hyeri.

Only a week has passed since hearing Hyeri’s voice, but Yoongi feels like he’s made a lot of progress recently. He even sent a message in the group chat with the rest of the guys to tell them how he’s doing. He was optimistic and it was refreshing for the rest of the guys. They praised him for doing well and expressed how they can’t wait to see him again.

He’s in the middle of making himself dinner. Nothing special, just a simple pasta dish with a bit of steak. He found passion for cooking again and had been taking the time to cook each one of his meals. That’s just how motivated Hyeri made him.

He’s got his steak cooking in the pan and his pasta already in a bowl. Everything smells good and he feels great. To make things even better he gets a call from Hyeri. He hasn’t heard her voice since last week and he’s been dying to hear her again.

“Hey, babe,” he says when he answers.

“Hey,” she responds. “I wanted to call you because it would be easier than texting. I did it!” She shouts in excitement.

“Did what?” He asks confused but equally enthusiastic.

“I told JJS to go fuck themselves!” She giggles.

“You what?” He asks freezing in place.

“I’m done with them. I want to go for the lead in a super duper huge new series. It’s…maybe a bit ambitious,” she says shyly. “But I could at least audition but they tried to give me more bullshit about taking a break and being compliant so I told them to shove their compliance up their ass.”

“Wow,” he says in disbelief. She’s typically not the one to do such a thing, and certainly not when she hasn’t found another agency yet. “You really did that?”

“Yeah! I’m sick of them treating me like shit. I should’ve listened to you in the beginning and left them a long time ago.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I don’t know what happens next, but I’m happy. They won’t stress me out any longer.”

“Baby, that’s incredible! I wish I could take you out to celebrate.”

“We’ll have plenty of time for that later,” she giggles. “I’m just happy to be free.”

“I’m happy too.” He pauses and thinks a moment before speaking again. “Are you at home?”

“Yeah,” she responds. “Of course I am, why?”

“I want to see you.”

“How? I mean you can’t.”

“Sure I can. I want to see you so let’s video call,” he suggests.

“What? I mean no, I think it’s too soon. We already broke the rule about not talking on the phone.”

“Just once,” he pleads. “Plus I want to show you the dinner I made.”

“I don’t know,” she hesitates.

“I’m switching to video,” he says not giving her a choice. He switches to video and waits for her to do the same. “Please,” he pleads again. “Just for a minute, baby.”

She gives in and turns the video on after rushing to try fixing herself up a bit. Her camera turns on and Yoongi can instantly see why she was reluctant to video chat.

“You’ve been crying?” He asks noticing how her eyes are just a slight bit puffy. Her attempt to hide under the shadows of the low lighting in the bedroom wasn’t enough to fool him.

“No,” she lies.

“Hyeri!” He fusses.

“I mean I’m a little scared, I told you that.”

“But you’ve been crying.”

He wants to protect her. He wants to hold her and make sure she never cries alone. He would fix all of her problems and wipe every tear. She knew he would feel this way and that’s why she didn’t want him to know she had been crying. His priority is her now and she doesn’t want it to be.

“Just a little,” she admits. “It’s a big step and the future is unknown, but I’m ok. I’ve got a few agencies that I’m looking into. Don’t worry about me, Yoon-gya, I’ve got this. I told you, I’m not the same Hyeri I was before.”

“You’re sure you’re ok?” He asks still not convinced.

“You’ll never believe me, will you?” She chuckles.

“No,” he smiles.

“What about you though? How are you doing?”

“I feel better each day. I feel better hearing your voice and seeing your face.”

“Therapy is good?”

“Yeah,” he boasts. “It’s going great.”

That’s the truth, Yoongi has been getting better each day. He makes progress in many different ways. However, every time he thinks he’s made progress in one area, something in an old but forgotten area pops up.

Hyeri has been happy with her choice. She isn’t getting work, but that’s all going to change once she signs with a new agency. Though that had been in limbo for a little while.

JJS decided they would sue Hyeri for breaking her contract. They want her to pay damages for not holding up her end, claiming she’s cost them lots of money. She’s terrified since she’s never been sued before, but she couldn’t stand by without countersuing for her own reasons. The lies and especially the unpaid roles they had her doing without telling her from the start that they would be unpaid.

Yoongi got Hyeri in contact with an attorney he knows and trusts. Hyeri was happy, because without company resources she didn’t know how she’d get an attorney. It’s all a mess, but they both feel optimistic. There’s plenty of proof that JJS were in the wrong so she hopes it will be an easy case.

Just because it seems like it’s an easy case, doesn’t mean it will be a quick one. While the case is ongoing, Hyeri managed to land a deal with a new agency about two weeks after telling JJS to shove it. She’s ecstatic and eager to get working again.

Yoongi feels good that she’s found a new company. He’s happy that she seems in good spirits despite how long her case is taking in court. He’s happy that she’s happy. He’s happy.

He’s outside laying on top of the picnic table staring into the sky. His jaw is tightly clinched and his ears are welled with tears that have rolled down the side of his face. He wants a drink so bad right now.

He was fine at first. He started his day with some fruit and iced coffee. He played on his keyboard that he had brought in so he could work on music. Then he went walking outside a little. During his walk his mind started wandering as it typically does. But for some reason his mind was on Hyeri. Not that that’s unusual, but the thoughts went from typical longing to pure anxiety.

He knows Hyeri is trying to stay strong, but he knows her too well to believe that she’s doing as ok as she says she is. He’s worried about her. Worried that she’s going to bed sad and alone every night. Worried that he’s been away too long. Worried that something else may happen to her and he won’t be there for her. He still has the image of her car accident in his mind and he still hasn’t fully forgiven himself. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t forgiven himself for anything.

When he talks to Minho it’s always productive. He’s forgiven Hyeri for the way she handled things with the dating rumors both times. He thought he forgave her before but realized he hadn’t. Thanks to Minho’s help, Yoongi has been able to move past that. He’s talked about other things since, but hadn’t quite realized that deep down he still hates himself.

He’s staring at the sky through his tears wishing he could just have one drink. Something small to take the edge off. He thought there had to be something in that house or even something the doctor may have left behind in the second cabin after he left. Nothing. Yoongi searched and searched and found nothing. Now he’s sad and irritated.

“Is that comfortable?” Minho asks approaching the table. He’s arrived for today’s session but didn’t expect to find Yoongi crying on the table.

Yoongi doesn’t move, he only sighs in more frustration because he didn’t realize what time it was. He didn’t realize he’d been on the table crying for 3 hours.

“What’s going on?” Minho asks softly.

Yoongi shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk. If he opens his mouth he won’t be able to speak through the sobs.

“Did something happen?”

Yoongi shakes his head again.

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?”

Yoongi opens his mouth but no sound comes out. He doesn’t know how to describe what he’s feeling, he just knows he wants a drink.

“I-I…” Yoongi stutters. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I can’t do this.”

“Why?” Minho asks.

“I let her down too much. I can’t go back home to her.”

“I thought you wanted to do this so you could be what you feel she deserves.”

“I do, I just…I’m going to find a way to fuck it up again. She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves someone that will be by her side and take care of her. Not someone who will drink himself stupid and cheat on her.”

“Has she told you these things?”

“Come on,” Yoongi scoffs. “She’s not going to actually say something like that. She’d be too afraid to. Even if she hated me she wouldn’t hurt my feelings. I know that much, and that’s why she deserves better.”

“Are you wanting to end your relationship with her?” Minho asks placing a hand on Yoongi’s arm.

“No…I mean no…she…” Yoongi sputters.

“You think she deserves better, and you think you wouldn’t be it for her. That sounds like you want to at least end your romantic relationship with her, right?”

Yoongi lets out a pained wail and begins sobbing heavily. His chest is burning and it’s excruciating.

He just wants a damn drink.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 16: Break

After a 5 hour drive, the manager escorting Yoongi to his temporary indefinite home pulls into the driveway of a cozy looking log cabin. The property is surrounded by nothing but trees and nature giving a very private and secluded feel. There’s an additional cabin on the property that’s slightly smaller and only has one bedroom as opposed to the 3 in the main cabin. Both have a kitchen and bathroom, living area, and plenty of windows that allow for natural lighting to come from all sides.

The manager shows Yoongi around and tells him of everything he’s able to do while he’s here. The main cabin has one of the rooms turned into an office space that Yoongi can use however he pleases. There’s a waist high bookshelf filled with a variety of books, a desk, a beanbag chair, and plenty more open space. The manager tells him he’s free to setup any instruments or recording equipment in there.

The master bedroom has a king sized bed and a large bathroom attached with a rainfall shower, separate jetted tub, and dual sinks. There’s also a closet attached that reminds Yoongi he left with only the clothes on his back. Since the original plan was to take Yoongi to the cabin immediately after their meeting anyway, the manager revealed that they already prepared a few things he would need. Basic clothes, hygiene products, plenty of food, and of course medicine.

For now they have something to help Yoongi sleep if he happens to feel symptoms of withdrawal. In the morning a doctor will come by to fully assess him. The doctor will be staying in the second cabin for at least a week to make sure Yoongi gets through detox without issues. A therapist will also visit regularly for counseling sessions.

Before leaving Yoongi to himself, the manager lets him know again that he can contact any of them if he needs anything at all. He’s not allowed visitors, but his means of communication won’t be taken away and he’ll still be able to have internet. As much as they wanted to try taking anything from him that would give him too much freedom to the outside world of temptations and triggers, they also didn’t want to make him feel like a complete criminal. However, that privilege will be revoked if he abuses that freedom. He’s not able to leave, though if he chooses to end treatment before being cleared then the terms that were laid out for him in the meeting earlier will go into effect.

The manager leaves and Yoongi is left in this lovely home on this gorgeous property alone. He trudges around outside a bit taking in the scenery. It’s nighttime now so the moon and stars are clearly visible and shining bright. He isn’t sure what to do with himself now. He’d eat, but he doesn’t have much of an appetite. It’s been a long exhausting day so he decides to just wash up and go to bed.

First he sends a text to Hyeri. He wasn’t going to at first because he knows she probably doesn’t want to speak to him right now. He knows she worries though and he doesn’t want to give her any more reasons to worry, so he simply tells her he made it to the property and that he loves her.

After a long shower with many more tears, Yoongi gets in bed and simply stares at his phone. Hyeri hasn’t responded. He knows she’s upset with him, but not hearing anything from her is like a knife in the chest. He sighs and closes his eyes but sleep doesn’t come. Not for a while.

Hyeri had been going through a range of emotions since Yoongi left. As happy as she is that he went to get treatment, she’s also very sad, disappointed, and angry. She knew he would fall for her trap, but for him to do it right before he’s supposed to go to treatment just lets her know how bad it really is for him. It breaks her heart and she hasn’t stopped crying since he left.

There’s a loneliness in the home that’s much different from any other time Yoongi has been gone. It’s a loneliness that’s so loud. So she cries until she falls asleep still fully clothed and clutching Yoongi’s pillow.

The next morning Hyeri wakes up with a throbbing headache. As many times as she’s cried herself to sleep, she’s used to it by now. Before getting out of bed she checks her phone and sees the message from Yoongi from the night before. She hates that she missed it, though she isn’t sure she wants to respond at all. She’s glad he made it though. It makes her feel just a slight bit lighter. He’s getting help, it’s the start of a new beginning.

She goes into the bathroom to wash up and get rid of any red and puffiness in her face. Thankfully she has a small bit of time before she has to leave for a commercial shoot. She gets dressed, makes a quick breakfast, then stares at the kitchen wall in a trance.

She’s trying her best to focus on her upcoming shoot but all she can think of is Yoongi. She wonders if he’s awake yet. If he ate breakfast and what was it. She wants to know how he slept and if the place he’s staying is nice. Of course she could simply respond to his text but once she’s finally about to, she gets a call from her agency JJS.

Having been finished with shooting on her mini series, she had asked about any upcoming projects that she would be a fit for. Initially JJS tried to convince her to take some time off. She declined, feeling she’s already missed out on a lot this year, partially because of the situation they put her in in the first place with the fake relationship with Kihyun. Since then nothing has been about her career and she’d like for it to get back to that.

Despite their reluctance, JJS said they would let her know of any openings. So far she’s gotten two commercials and a radio ad. It’s not what she asked them for, but she took it in stride thinking nothing was available. Then she found out there are other roles available. Many of them, JJS just didn’t want to offer them to her. Yesterday she sent the agency a message with a few roles she found on her own that she’s interested in. She was met with pushback and even a mild scolding for “going behind their back” to find the roles herself. Once again she felt like she’s being treated like a child and it’s only because she refused to continue going along with their fake relationship any longer.

Now they’re calling her to tell her they found a role for her. Actually, they found two and tried to sound really enthusiastic about it. The first role is for a supporting role in a new series. The “supporting” role is just a glorified extra. One thats in one episode and gets 10 more seconds of camera time than others, and if lucky, they’ll get to ad-lib a word or two.

The second role is another supporting role, but it’s more laughable than the first role they presented. It’s a small part for a smaller production with an even smaller budget that would practically amount to her doing it for free.

Neither role are close to what Hyeri wanted and definitely not what JJS said they would find for her. Small roles aren’t a problem for her, she knows she’s not a world star actress, but it’s not what JJS agreed to find her. On top of that, it’s not like other roles aren’t out there. She’s seen for herself what was out there and can’t believe JJS would have the nerve to lie to her face about it then make her seem like the bad guy.

“Due to your previous actions it’s been a little more difficult to market you at this time,” the agency rep tells her over the phone.

“My previous actions?” Hyeri asks trying to not raise her voice.

“We wanted you to take time off so things would die down.”

“It’s been months!”

“We had a procedure laid out and you chose to do your own thing. There are consequences to actions, Hyeri.”

“I chose to tell the truth! Are you serious right now? You guys are giving me the smallest things you can find on purpose because you’re mad that I told the truth!”

“We can’t keep having this discussion about your conduct, Na Hyeri. People see you as a risk right now.”

“A risk?!”

“I understand you have a commercial shoot so I’ll let you get to it. Think about it and let me know if you would like to move forward with either of these projects.”

[Call ended]

“You fucking bitch!” Hyeri roars.

She gathers her things and storms out to her car in a fit of rage. She’s pissed, and even more pissed that she now has to try calming herself down so she doesn’t look angry in her commercial. Her patience with JJS is wearing very thin.

Yoongi’s day started with him waking up and staring at the ceiling for about an hour. At first he had forgotten where he was. Then upon remembering, he looked at his phone to see he still hadn’t heard anything from Hyeri. He laid there stuck in his head until he began hearing someone in the house.

The manager told him that the entire management team, doctors, and therapist will have access to the house at any time. It’s primarily for safety reasons, but also to make sure Yoongi isn’t able to lock himself up and hide if he were to get into anything he shouldn’t. Not that he planned to anyway with the amount of restrictions he’s under.

He rolls himself out of bed to wash himself up a bit. He takes one look at himself in the mirror and he hates what he sees. He doesn’t even want whoever is in the house to see him in this state in broad daylight, but it’s clear he doesn’t have much of a choice. Whoever it is seems to be making a bit of a ruckus. Yoongi sighs and steps out to see who it is.

A different manager from the one who brought Yoongi here is in the kitchen while another man is standing by chatting with him. Manager Park Seungji has been tasked with staying near the property to take care of anything Yoongi needs. With the place being 5 hours from Seoul, someone had to stay close by to provide a quick response.

Seungji introduces the other man as Doctor Young who will care for all of Yoongi’s health needs. He will be staying in the smaller cabin to monitor Yoongi closely for any withdrawal complications. First he wants to do a full evaluation so he takes Yoongi back to the bedroom while Seungji prepares breakfast.

Dr. Young begins with simple questions. When and what his last drink was, how much he’d drink daily and what his drink of choice is. It’s a simple evaluation but it makes Yoongi feel embarrassed. He still hates that he even allowed what used to be a simple pastime turn into this.

After speaking with the doctor and getting plenty of information on what to expect and how to deal with withdrawal symptoms, Yoongi goes back out to the kitchen as Seungji completes breakfast. Hangover soup which Yoongi doesn’t have much of an appetite for, but he appreciates it. He’s not hungover, but he knows why Seungji might assume he is. Dr. Young takes a serving and heads back to the other cabin. Yoongi takes a serving and after assuring Seungji he’s fine at the moment, Seungji leaves.

Yoongi decides to have his soup at a small table outside overlooking the scenery. It’s beautiful and makes him think of Hyeri. She loves places like this and he just knows she would be in awe at the nature surrounding them and the overall seclusion of the place for the most privacy. He pulls out his phone and snaps a few pictures. She may not have responded to his message last night, but he hopes this could put her in a slightly better mood with a view from his new home.

It’s crazy how things change. When he was on tour ignoring her she continued sending messages daily giving him a diary of her days although he wasn’t responding to her. Now he finds himself doing the same. With a few pictures he details how he didn’t sleep well, what he discussed with the doctor, and how he’s not very hungry but still happy that Seungji made breakfast. Of course he included a photo of the soup as well. He sends the message then returns to slowly eating while soaking up the sun.

Not long after he finishes his meal he’s greeted by someone else who comes to join him at the table. The man introduces himself as Minho, Yoongi’s counselor during his treatment process. He tells Yoongi a little about himself and how he plans to take Yoongi through his recovery.

Yoongi has spoken to counselors before so this isn’t something that bothers him. Minho seems like a nice person who also appears to take good care of himself physically as much as mentally based on the way his black shirt hugs his well toned body like a second skin. His voice is deep yet soothing to Yoongi, almost like asmr. It makes Yoongi feel comfortable talking with him which is important in this situation.

Yet Yoongi can’t seem to understand why he’s starting to feel uneasy. He’s trying to not panic, but his heart is racing and he’s starting to sweat and he has no idea what’s happening. Every word Minho says sends another wave of anxiety through his body.

This plan. This entire treatment plan is overwhelming. For whatever reason, it’s in this moment Yoongi feels completely afraid of this entire process. He had already been told what treatment would entail. He was fine when the manager laid out all of the rules last night. He was even fine just earlier as Dr. Young explained the many issues and side effects that come with alcohol withdrawal. But hearing how he’ll have to work through the root of why he drinks makes him want to run and hide.

Drinking was to get away from the feelings stuck inside him. When he’d drink excessively those feelings never seemed quite as unbearable. He drank when those feelings were too strong for him to ignore but too tough for him to want to face. Now he has to face them and he’s not sure he’s ready to.

It’s easy for him to say it all started with Hyeri, but this is something that goes even beyond that. A collection of hidden and ignored emotions that he felt weren’t big enough to deal with at the time are now going to be released and dissected.

Yoongi looks at Minho unable to speak. Minho can see the discomfort on Yoongi’s face and is afraid he may faint from how pale he looks.

“Are you ok?” Minho asks. Yoongi just stares at him blankly. “Yoongi?”

Hyeri made it through her commercial shoot without much issue. Considering the mental state she’s in, having to do 3 retakes isn’t so bad. She isn’t fully satisfied, but she’s still too angry from her phone call earlier to care. She just can’t believe the way JJS is treating her. She rushed through the shoot as best she could while seething in frustration the entire time.

When she got to her car she took a look at her phone and saw the photos Yoongi sent. She wasn’t expecting to hear from him, especially since she hadn’t responded to his message from the night before. However his message made her briefly forget what she was upset about.

She’s happy to see the place looks very relaxing for him. She almost wants to stay there herself. She’s happy he saw the doctor, and even happier that he had breakfast. It’s the first real bit of happiness she’s felt all day. This time she responds to him. Not right away though.

When she started to text him back she also wanted to tell him about her day. She always does. However, she knows he’s at the very beginning of his recovery and causing him any worry or stress could make things much harder for him than they already are. Telling him about her company that he already hates and wants her to leave treating her unfairly would cause him worry and stress. She knows he’d be mad at JJS and worried about her. She doesn’t want him to feel like he needs to come save her or take care of her. She only wants him to focus on recovery.

She thought about it all through her drive home and once she got there she finally texted him back. She told him the place looks beautiful, she’s proud of him, and that she loves him. She tells him her commercial shoot went well and let him know her schedule for tomorrow and left it at that. Nothing about JJS, or how she’s afraid her career may be over because of them, or how she cried most of the way home. She kept it simple.

Yoongi feels like he lost consciousness, but he didn’t. Minho noticed what was happening and was able to ease Yoongi’s mind a bit. He explained to Yoongi that while it’s understandable for anyone to feel a little overwhelmed when starting a new treatment process, he’s also experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. Yoongi had already been told by the doctor what the symptoms were but he didn’t feel like he was experiencing any of them. He thought maybe he was just overwhelmed with everything Minho was saying, but perhaps not.

Minho takes his time to tell Yoongi the mental effects of withdrawal. The things he won’t feel physically, but they’ll wear him down mentally. Yoongi understands, but he still wonders. He had stopped drinking before and he didn’t deal with any side effects. To him he was perfectly fine that entire time.

Minho stayed with him for about an hour and a half to make sure he was ok. He helped Yoongi feel a bit better and was able to get him inside to the couch. After Minho left, Yoongi stayed in the same spot wondering what he’s truly gotten himself into.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 15: Management

Yoongi has no idea one of their managers witnessed him being carried out to Jin’s car by the other members at the party. None of them have any idea that that manager immediately began doing his own investigation. It didn’t take long for him to put the pieces together and realize that Yoongi has a problem and that it’s been going longer than they expected.

Manager Seo Dojoon was the one who witnessed Yoongi’s condition the night of the party. He, like everyone else, knows Yoongi enjoys having a drink, so the times Yoongi asked for a bottle of something he thought nothing of it. Then he talked with another manager who mentioned getting alcohol for Yoongi as well. Once a third manager chimed in with the same story, Dojoon decided a meeting with all 8 managers needed to be held.

It didn’t take much for them to gather more than enough evidence of Yoongi’s drinking problem. They compiled receipts of all of the drinks Yoongi requested and it was clear he had a problem. There were days where Yoongi would ask for a large bottle of whiskey from one manager and then ask another for a bottle of gin that same day, then request tequila the same evening from a third manager.

The discussion then turned to Yoongi’s behavior while on tour. Though he seemed perfectly fine during this recent comeback, they couldn’t ignore the tour. One manager mentioned Jin asking for Yoongi’s room key one night. Another night Namjoon asked another manager for his room key. If Yoongi looked unwell or distant one of the members always had a story or excuse to give the managers, which further let them know that the members are all aware of what’s going on. They’ve been aware, they’ve been hiding it, and now their managers feel it’s time to discuss it with them.

Hyeri couldn’t miss another day of work, so after spending a day comforting Yoongi she was right back at work the next day. Meanwhile, the rest of the guys have been summoned to a meeting with management. It takes no time for them to notice Yoongi’s absence and realize they can’t hide Yoongi’s habit any longer.

The meeting went on for two hours with each of them explaining Yoongi’s situation. They all said they didn’t know just how much Yoongi had been drinking, but they were sure it was a lot. They were shocked to see all of the alcohol purchases the managers made for him. A lot doesn’t even begin to describe it, and they all start to seriously fear for his health. Being clean throughout their comeback seemed promising, but his relapse the other night along with the bottle of wine he had the following night, makes them feel it’s time to finally get him some help. Real professional help that they can’t provide.

The good thing is that they’re done with their comeback so Yoongi can take his time to recover well. Any other projects he has can be put on hold for now. The hard part is deciding on a plan for him that will be effective and most importantly low key. Sending him to a regular rehab facility where the public could possibly find out about this is out of the question. But he needs to go somewhere. Home is too tempting.

Home is very tempting. Yoongi has hardly moved since he woke up. He got up to eat the breakfast Hyeri left for him then crawled back into bed. He stayed there awhile stuck in his head. Stuck in his head is the last place he needs to be, though.

By noon, he’s already returning home from a quick trip to a nearby store for soju. He only got one small bottle, but he knows he shouldn’t have gotten anything at all. He should have never went out in the first place.

As if he wasn’t already filled with guilt and self loathing, he receives a message from one of the managers that they’re having a meeting with the group and he’ll be by to pick up Yoongi shortly. Yoongi couldn’t decline, even though by now he’s already finished the bottle of soju and his head is swimming.

He rolls off the couch and tries to quickly get himself ready. He tells Hyeri about the meeting and admits to her that he’s had soju. He then assured her that he would be fine because a manager is picking him up so he won’t be driving. He goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth, rinse with mouthwash, and try hiding his red puffy eyes with eye drops and an ice pack from the freezer.

After the discussion the managers and other members had, they felt it was time to bring Yoongi in to talk to him. They were afraid that he may have already started drinking so calling him in suddenly could go wrong for many reasons. They also didn’t want Yoongi to have his car which would give him the opportunity to stop by a liquor store on his way there or back. One of the managers took it upon himself to pick Yoongi up to avoid any issues.

Yoongi has no idea what’s going on. When he got into the manager’s car he asked if everything was ok since it’s not usual for them to have a sudden meeting like this. The manager only told him they would discuss with everyone when they arrive.

When they get to the office and arrive in the meeting room, Yoongi is surprised to see everyone is already there. Everyone looks like they’ve been there for some time too. When he sits down between Jin and Namjoon he can feel the tension in the air. Now he’s nervous and his mind is going through a million different things that this could be about.

“Yoongi,” Dojoon starts. “We called this meeting because we have noticed something that we feel needs to be addressed and resolved immediately.”

Those words are daunting, and the way everyone else is avoiding Yoongi’s gaze gives him an idea what this is about to turn into. Management has caught wind of his drinking and now he’s fucked.

“It seems your drinking has gotten excessive and we’re afraid for both your ability to continue performing with the group and your health,” Dojoon continues. “We have records of all of your alcohol purchases that you’ve requested from us on the management team, as well as statements from your members who have witnessed various incidents during the world tour that were direct results of your drinking.”

Yoongi’s heart drops. He didn’t want it to come to this. He thought his brothers were there to support him, not rat him out. Yet here he is listening to everything he had gotten into during the tour and after. They know the why, they know most of the when, and they know some of the how. After a few minutes Yoongi is just wishing Dojoon would stop talking because he can’t stand to hear any more. He knows he’s fucked up. He’s been fucked up. He’s fucked up right now.

At the end of detailing all of their evidence, Dojoon opens the room for the members to say anything else they feel needs to be said. Yoongi doesn’t want them to. He wants to run away. He hopes that no one has anything to say, but they do. The moment Jimin starts speaking, Yoongi knows he’s in the middle of a full on intervention and all he wants to do is run and hide.

At the end of everyone’s comments, Yoongi breaks down and cries. It’s all too much for him, and still being under the influence of soju makes this even harder. He pleads for everyone’s forgiveness. He explains that he thought he could stop on his own but it’s hard. He tries to tell them that he’s been good since they got back from tour and only had his little slip up at the party. It may be a setback, but he assures it’s only a small one.

“You know it’s a slippery slope, Hyung,” Jimin says. “You even had a bottle of wine the next day.”

“I-“ Yoongi hesitates realizing that Hyeri would be the only reason why they would know that. “I know I shouldn’t have had that bottle, but it’s really not as bad as before. I know I worried you all during the tour but I’m much better now. I slipped up, but I’m back on the right track. I was clean the entire comeback.”

“Hyung,” Namjoon says. “Did you drink today?”

“What?” Yoongi asks trying to play dumb.

“I can smell alcohol on you,” Namjoon says.

Everyone else looks surprised and very disappointed. No one could smell it, but once Yoongi started talking Namjoon could smell the soju on his breath along with his mint flavored attempts to hide it. Jin smelled it too. They had Yoongi sit in that seat because everyone agreed that if he had drank today those two would be the ones to notice faster than anyone else.

“What?” Yoongi repeats having no more excuses to give.

“I smell it too, Yoongi,” Jin says.

The managers look at each other and Dojoon nods. The varying looks of disappointment is burning Yoongi from the inside out.

“Yoongi,” Dojoon says. “We’ve arranged a treatment plan for you.”

“Treatment plan?” Yoongi questions. “What kind of treatment plan?”

“We have a counselor that can help you work towards being back to your healthy self. We want you to be sober and healthy. We don’t want you to think you can never drink again, we just want you to be ok enough to not overindulge.”

“Ok,” Yoongi nods still a bit skeptical. “So I just go talk to this counselor?”

“Well…” Dojoon hesitates. Everyone in the room seems to be looking down and Yoongi knows that’s not good. “The counselor will come to you. We…we cleared your schedule for the foreseeable future so that you can stay at a remote location we have setup.”

“A what? Where?” Yoongi asks in disbelief. A counselor isn’t a problem, but clearing his schedule so he can stay at a remote location? That seems a bit much to him.

“It’s not a bad location,” Dojoon tries to assure him. “It’s one that had been considered for In the Soop with Tomorrow by Together at first. It’s a peaceful property and we’ll make sure you have everything you need. The counselor will come to that location and work with you until you both feel you’ve made enough progress in your recovery to return home. Of course, we would like for you to continue seeing the counselor after that as well.”

“B-but I don’t need to go away from home to see a counselor,” Yoongi pleads. “Why can’t I just see a counselor here? They can come to my place, it doesn’t matter, but why do I need to leave?”

“Hyung,” Hobi says. “There’s too much temptation for you at home. I’m sorry, we just felt it would be better for you this way.”

“Guys,” Yoongi exasperates trying to hold back another wave of sobs.

“Seriously, Yoongi,” Jungkook says dropping all honorifics. Other than a short statement he made to express how Yoongi’s drinking makes him sad, he hasn’t said very much the entire meeting. “We don’t want to lose you.”

Yoongi’s heart breaks at Jungkook’s words. His big eyes trying to hide his sadness is setting Yoongi’s heart on fire. He’s so upset with himself for letting it come to this. He thought he could get by on his own, but he can’t. He needs the help that they’re trying to give him right now.

“When you go home one of us will wait as you pack your things, then you’ll be taken to the house,” Dojoon says.

“Today?” Yoongi asks in shock. “Like right now??”

“Right now, Yoongi,” Jin says softly.

“I…no, I can’t right now,” Yoongi begs. “I need to prepare. A-and Hyeri. I can’t just disappear. I need to tell her.”

“She knows,” Namjoon says feeling a bit of guilt for having talked to Hyeri about this behind Yoongi’s back.

“She knows?”

“We…I talked to her before we brought you in. She’s-“ Namjoon pauses trying to maintain his composure. This is hurting him more than he imagined it would. “She knows everything and she gave the ok. She just wants you to be well like the rest of us do.”

“She knows?” Yoongi repeats feeling slightly betrayed. Everyone has been plotting behind his back and he feels it’s unfair for them to make him just pack his things and leave right now.

Namjoon nods with his head hanging. He feels terrible but he knows it’s the right thing for Yoongi. He feels there’s not much they can do now that the managers have found out, telling Hyeri was more of a courtesy.

“But she’s…” Yoongi tries to think of something to say. He can’t possibly go now. “She’s not home right now, I need to see her first.”

Everyone looks at each other having known things would end up similar to this. Yoongi isn’t going to go easily if Hyeri isn’t by his side. They knew he would try to fight back.

“Then we’ll give you until tomorrow at noon,” Dojoon bargains. “At that time we’ll pick you up and that will be it.”

“Do I not get a choice in this at all?” Yoongi is trying his best to get out of this. Yes, he knows he needs help, but he feels this is much too extreme and way too sudden.

“Well sure you have a choice,” Dojoon says. “But given the severity of the situation, your choices are very few.”

“What are they?” Yoongi just hopes one of those choices doesn’t require him to stay somewhere secluded. Alone.

“Yoongi, we really believe that this is the best solution for you,” Dojoon says. Everyone else looks uncomfortable but Yoongi just wants an alternate option.

“Do I not have a right to know my other options and decide for myself?” His desperation is heartbreaking for everyone. They didn’t want to do this but they didn’t know what else they could do. He wasn’t going to stay clean on his own at this rate.

“That’s fair,” Dojoon says wishing he wouldn’t have to tell Yoongi his other options, but now he has to. “The other option is to have you check in to a nearby facility. You’ll be closer to home but we can’t offer any protection if you’re found out to be there by the public.”

To Yoongi that’s even worse. He could lose a lot if the world knew he was in rehab for alcoholism. That’s not a good option to him at all.

“The third option,” Dojoon continues with a little apprehension. “If you were to choose to not get treatment at all then…you would have to be suspended from any further activities with the group. With…the company.”

Yoongi feels like all of the oxygen was just sucked out of the room. He feels like he’s going to pass out at those words. Suspended? He can’t fathom not being with his brothers. He can’t imagine not working on music or anything.

“W-what?” Yoongi stutters through the knot in his throat.

“We’re sorry it had to come to this,” Dojoon says. “The last thing we want is to suspend you, that’s why we came up with the treatment plan. We want you to succeed and we want you happy and healthy. However, we can’t let things continue like this. Your conduct is effecting everyone and we feel time away is best. We prefer if you spent the time getting well, but if you choose not to we’ll have no other choice but to continue moving forward without you present.”

Yoongi can’t speak, he can only cry. Namjoon tries to say something but he chokes on a sob as well. Everyone is emotional because no one wants this, but they feel there’s no other choice. They love each other and the members could never imagine going on without Yoongi, but they want him to realize how serious this is. There’s not a dry eye in the room. Every time Yoongi tries to speak the only thing that comes out is a hoarse cry.

“We promise we’ll take care of everything you need while you’re getting treatment at the house we have prepared,” Dojoon says softly. “If you choose to.”

Yoongi nods having no fight in him. It’s scary to think about, but if the choice is to go away for a bit to get clean and hopefully save all of the relationships he’s damaged with his drinking or basically get dropped from everything he’s devoted his life to, then it’s a no brainer. His agreement to get treatment is a relief for everyone else, but only a small one. It’s still painful to have to basically send Yoongi away for a while. Much more painful than when they all enlisted.

Before leaving the meeting, all of the guys hugged Yoongi and expressed how much they love him. Namjoon apologized for talking to Hyeri without him knowing, but he knew that she would want to know what’s going on and Yoongi would worry if she didn’t. Yoongi understands. Despite the way his mind tries to make him feel betrayed, he knows they all have his best interest in mind. That doesn’t make it hurt any less at all.

The ride home is quiet and suffocating. When he gets inside he isn’t sure what to do with himself. Hyeri isn’t home yet and he hasn’t heard from her all day. She never responded to his message earlier but knowing that she already knew about this entire operation he can see why. He told her about the bottle of soju and she probably didn’t respond out of disappointment or maybe frustration.

He decided to go into the closet and start packing. He isn’t even sure what he needs to take with him or how much since there’s no telling how long he’ll be there. He wishes he could have a drink. Just one more before he has to go away, but he was told that someone would be monitoring and if he left home before being picked up at noon tomorrow, he would be taken immediately. He isn’t sure who would be monitoring him or how, but he doesn’t want to find out. All he has is the hope that maybe there’s a bottle of something he or Hyeri missed in one of his hiding places.

He starts digging through every piece of clothing in the closet. His usual hiding places being in random pockets and wherever he could fit a drink. To his surprise he finds a small half filled bottle of a strawberry lemonade liquor that he’s almost certain had been there since before he enlisted. He can’t remember exactly where the bottle came from or the note that fell out with it, but he’s sure it’s similar to how he had a forgotten bottle of whiskey in his car.

Regardless of its origin, Yoongi opens the bottle and instantly downs the whole thing while cursing himself. Suddenly he’s hit with a strong taste of garlic, cough syrup, peppers, and something else he can’t quite put his finger on, but it doesn’t make the drink taste any better.

“What the fuck is this?” He mumbles opening the note that was with it.

If you find this I hope you don’t drink it. If you drink it I hope it makes you think again next time before you have a drink. -H

“Goddammit,” he sighs. He puts his head in his hands and cries. All he seems to do these days is cry. “I’m such a disappointment.”

Hyeri doesn’t know that Yoongi didn’t go straight to the treatment house after the meeting. She was surprised and a bit worried to see lights on when she returned home. She slowly went to the bedroom until she heard him crying in the closet. He didn’t notice her at first so she simply stood there and watched as her heart sank to the floor at the sight of him. Her tears begin falling when she notices the bottle she planted to see if he’d fall for it is sitting empty next to him. He was so eager for a drink that he finished off the half filled bottle before it hit him that it wasn’t alcohol.

“What are you doing?” She finally cries to him. “Why are you here?” She sounds desperate. She thought him getting treatment would be the thing he needs. It would clean him up and they can be happy again. She won’t have to worry so much. But instead he’s here crying on the floor after attempting to have another drink. To her, this is the sight of her relationship ending if he’s not getting treatment.

“Hyeri?” He stands and wipes his face. He can see her tears and he steps towards her to hold her but she backs away.

“What are you doing?” She asks again.

“Baby, I-“

“Why are you not at treatment?!”

“I’m going,” he cries feeling more hurt by her backing away from him. “Hyeri I’m going I just came to pack. They’re picking me up at noon tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” She’s a little skeptical. He could very easily be lying just to justify him being there trying to sneak another drink. She wanted him to be gone when she got home, not because she didn’t want to see him, but because she knew that if he wasn’t there that means he’d be at treatment. It also meant not having to say a very very hard goodbye to him.

“At noon,” he nods. “I mean it.”

“Why? Why didn’t you go?” She cries. “Why did you come home and,” she gestures to the empty liquor bottle. “Why?”

“I’m sorry, Hyeri,” he says trying and failing again to pull her into an embrace. “I’m so fucking sorry and I know you’re probably tired of hearing me say it, but I mean it.”

“I just want you to get help,” she cries. “I don’t want to lose you, Yoongi, but you’re making it so hard. You were supposed to be gone already!”

“Baby-“

“What if there was actually alcohol in that bottle?! What if that was the last drink of your life? If I had come home to find your body laying here on the floor, what then?!” Each one of her words gets louder and louder. Her tears are streaming down her face and her breathing is frantic.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say. He fucked up and fucked up again. The love of his life is at the end of her rope. Everyone in his life is. He wants to hold Hyeri. She’s his comfort. His safety blanket. But she won’t let him touch her. She can’t let him. The moment he touches her she knows she’ll break and want him to stay. She’s never had this much trouble seeing him off for an extended amount of time before, but not knowing how long he’ll be gone, or what state he’ll return in, makes it feel almost impossible for her. She would have had an easier time if she came to an empty home.

“You need to go, Yoongi,” she cries again. “Go get well, and when it’s over my Yoongi can come home. My Yoongi that I’ve missed so much. I want him back.”

“I’ll go,” he cries. “I promise I won’t be back until I’m better.” One more failed attempt to at least take her hand and he simply can’t stand it anymore. “Now. I’ll go now.”

He pulls out his phone and taps out a frantic message for a manager to pick him up and take him to the treatment house. He doesn’t bother packing clothes, he only grabs his backpack and stuffs his phone charger and a few toiletries inside. Hyeri sits at the edge of the bed watching him through her tears. She’s afraid of what will happen once he leaves, but it’s the last hope she has that it will be for the better.

It’s a painful silence between them as they wait for a manager to arrive. Hyeri can hardly look him in the face without getting choked up again. He can see every bit of pain on her face and it hurts like hell for him to not be able to comfort her.

The manager finally arrives and Yoongi gets ready to leave. Hyeri still can’t look at him and she doesn’t move from the edge of the bed even when he stands in the doorway waiting for her to say something before he leaves.

“I love you,” he says softly. “I love you so much, Na Hyeri.”

“I love you too,” she whispers still looking at the floor. “So much it hurts.”

He stands there a moment holding his breath so he doesn’t break down into tears again. She won’t move. So he turns and leaves.

The moment he gets into the manager’s car he lets everything out. He cries and can’t get himself to stop the entire car ride.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 14: Progress

BTS finished off their comeback schedule with one last live where they thanked everyone, played some games, and answered some fan questions. After the live ended, all 7 of them felt they could finally breathe a sigh of relief. They made it through another comeback with no injuries, no scandals, and no Yoongi sneaking drinks right under their noses.

As they typically do, they have a big dinner at a restaurant to celebrate another successful comeback. The food is delicious, the vibes are perfect, and Yoongi can’t take his eyes off the celebratory bottle of champagne brought to them as a gift from the restaurant owner. None of the guys are too concerned, Yoongi’s been doing great lately.

Hobi notices a slight bit of unease on Yoongi’s face. Without saying anything, Hobi takes the champagne bottle and pours himself a bit more when Yoongi isn’t looking. He then stealthily slides the bottle to Jin sitting next to him. The bottle feels like there’s just enough for one more glass and after a nudge and a few facial cues, Jin is able to notice what Hobi is trying to do. Jin pours the remainder in his glass when Yoongi isn’t looking and slides the bottle to the edge of the table and out of his sight. The pair quickly finish their drinks and hope that they were able to help quell Yoongi’s temptation.

The next night is a big party celebrating the numerous achievements their album has gained so far. It’s a fun gathering of many people that worked with them on the album as well as many of their industry friends, which between the seven of them, is quite a lot. It seems everyone is there. Except Hyeri.

Hyeri tried all she could, but couldn’t get out of having to work the same night. She tried begging, pleading, offering to reschedule some things, anything she could to be able to be with Yoongi at the party. Because she’s a former Hybe artist who’s also done a collaboration with Yoongi, it wouldn’t be odd for her to be in attendance. It’s an opportunity they don’t get very often at all and they were really hoping to take advantage of it.

Instead, Yoongi finds himself at the party alone. Though he’s not alone, he has the rest of the members with him. They stay close to him hoping to keep him from temptation since he doesn’t have Hyeri with him.

It started simple. A toast to the group. Yoongi wanted to have a sparkling juice or something in place of alcohol, but he couldn’t. The toast was sudden, he was too far from anyone that could bring him an alcohol free drink, and before he knew it a staff member was handing him a glass and everyone was cheering.

He took a sip and is delighted by the sweet white wine. The enthusiast in him has another sip to study the flavors. The guys notice and look a bit worried once the music is back on and attention has turned away from them. They watch him cautiously as he finishes his glass. Yoongi starts to notice everyone watching him so he smiles and tells them it’s ok. He began discussing the flavors he could taste and how he could guess the way the wine was aged. Everyone feels relieved seeing that it’s just sommelier Yoongi studying taste and not the Yoongi who’s trying to forget who he is.

As the night goes on the guys are pulled in many different directions. It isn’t long before they find themselves all split up across the room. They’re chatting with their other friends, being pulled aside to hear praise from someone, and taking selfie after selfie.

Yoongi can feel his social battery rapidly draining. He and Jin typically stick together at these events since they’re such introverts. It started off that way, but now Yoongi seems to be quite popular. Many friends and other industry workers are calling him in all directions.

Jin is able to stay vigilant from a distance but eventually he loses sight of Yoongi. He returns to a calm corner of the room and pulls up the game he had been playing on his phone.

Yoongi chats with a few friends, mingles with a couple of producers, then gets invited to have a celebratory shot of tequila. He’s been doing so well avoiding drinks other than the wine he had for the toast. Even after that he felt he was perfectly fine. No craving to go suck an entire bottle down in one gulp. He feels he’s overcome plenty of major obstacles to feel confident enough that he can have a drink or two tonight and still be fine. He’ll celebrate tonight and be back to his sober self tomorrow.

It’s amazing how one drop can turn into a downpour.

Yoongi had a second shot with another friend then retreated to regain his composure. While he was chatting with someone else, a staff member came by with the special cocktail for the night. One made just for this occasion. Of course he couldn’t decline that, so he had a glass.

Not long after, he starts to feel the effects. His vision is slightly wobbly and his judgement isn’t holding very strong. Someone offers him another drink and he figures what harm would it be? If he’s only going to drink tonight then he shouldn’t worry so much. He’ll start fresh in the morning, drinking now is just for the occasion.

So he has a drink.

And another.

And another.

None of the members have seen Yoongi in a while. After he had been pulled away from Jin, no one was sure where he was. No one was too worried about it.

Later on Jungkook begins to feel his energy draining. He finds Jin hoping he can convince him to leave so they can go together. They realize they would feel bad if they left before the other members since this party is for them. So instead they decide to step outside for some air.

Out in the hall they find a drunk Yoongi trying to find his footing. He went from feeling great to being plagued by disappointment in himself. He stopped having fun a little while ago and now he’s just a sad drunken mess.

“Hyung?” Jungkook asks going to his side to help him stay on his feet.

“How much have you had?” Jin asks trying to hide his disappointment. He truly thought Yoongi was doing fine, he would have tried harder to stay by his side if he had known the glass of wine would turn to this.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi slurs. “What difference does it make?”

“Why didn’t you find one of us?”

“I’m already a disappointment.” Yoongi holds on to Jungkook with the last bit of strength he can find amidst his haze. “I had one and it was over. I couldn’t stop. Now I’m a piece of shit who’s let you all down again. I let her down.”

Jungkook manages to lean Yoongi against the wall where he immediately sinks to the floor.

“Shit,” Jungkook says unsure what to do. “He’s fucked.”

“Get the others, but try not to make a scene,” Jin says. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

Jungkook nods and heads back into the party to grab the rest of the guys. Jin looks at Yoongi sitting on the floor struggling to stay upright. It’s sadly not an unfamiliar sight, but that doesn’t make it any less heart wrenching.

“What happened, Yoongi?” Jin asks kneeling down. “How did you get like this so fast?”

“Hyung,” Yoongi says with tears threatening to start falling. “I fucked up.”

Yoongi is struggling to explain himself. He doesn’t know how to explain himself. At this point all he knows is the floor he’s sitting on.

He thought it wouldn’t be so bad having a few drinks. Hyeri texted him asking how things were going and he even took that time to tell her about the drinks he had so far. He told her he wasn’t going to overdo it and it was just because of the occasion. She’s understanding and knowing that he’s there with the rest of the guys, she’s not too worried about it. She tells him that she’s proud of him for telling her and that he’s doing great. By the time he got that last message he wasn’t doing great anymore.

Reading her praise made him start feeling terribly guilty because he knew he had already gone too far. He went from drinking for the occasion to drinking because of guilt.

Old habits die hard, and Yoongi found himself drinking to remove himself from his feelings. He was feeling guilty for being less than Hyeri deserves. He wanted to feel nothing so he wouldn’t feel so bad. As if he hadn’t learned before that this isn’t the best method.

Now he’s on the floor in the hall babbling to Jin about how much of a fuck up he is. He apologizes for fucking up again, calls himself a variation of things that are in no way positive, and pleading for forgiveness though he states he doesn’t deserve it. Once again Jin is looking at a very broken Yoongi and it hurts him.

Jungkook returns with Namjoon and Taehyung who look equally concerned. They all look at each other feeling the same thing. They got too confident and let their guards down, now Yoongi is back in the same hole he was in before and he can’t stop crying about how much he hates himself for letting all of his loved ones down.

Jimin and Hoseok arrive shortly after and they all decide to have Jin take him home and they would simply blame it on introversion. They’ve been at the party long enough that it wouldn’t look too bad if they left now. Jungkook and Namjoon try pulling Yoongi to his feet when they’re all startled by an approaching voice.

“What’s going on?”

The guys look up and see one of their managers looking quite concerned. He had noticed all of the guys went missing and went to check on them. He wasn’t expecting to see a very drunk Yoongi being held up by Namjoon and Jungkook, and he didn’t expect to hear Yoongi mumbling about how much he hates himself and everyone else should too.

“He just had a bit to drink,” Taehyung assures. “We know how to handle him when he gets like this.”

The manager furrows his brows as they try get Yoongi out to Jin’s car.

“I’ll get him home,” Jin says hoping the manager will leave it at that.

The manager watches on unconvinced but silently observing everything. He notices the self deprecating things Yoongi is saying about himself. He notices how everyone else looks disappointed yet they still seem to have their Yoongi handling operation mastered. Taehyung did say they know how to handle Yoongi when he’s like this, now the manager wonders just how well they know this side of Yoongi.

The guys get Yoongi in the back of Jin’s car and Jin takes off for Yoongi’s apartment. He isn’t sure if Hyeri would be home, so he sends her a text and supports the weight of Yoongi’s body as he guides him up to his place. Hyeri opens the door ready to run down and help just as they arrive on their floor.

It’s like Deja vu. Yoongi sprawled across the bed with Hyeri asking Jin what happened. Jin doesn’t have much of an answer for her this time. He doesn’t know what happened. He doesn’t know how one drink turned to this. He doesn’t know why Yoongi chose not to reach out to one of them when he had done so before. He doesn’t know where things went wrong during the night. The only thing he does know is that Yoongi may need more help than it seems.

Once again Hyeri finds herself trying to care for an over intoxicated Yoongi. Luckily he’s only mumbling about letting Hyeri down and not mumbling confessions of infidelity. She gets him tucked into bed then she brings some water and places it on the nightstand in case he wakes in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately Hyeri has to leave early in the morning. Yoongi remains asleep when she gets herself ready to go. She prepares a quick morning after soup for him that he’ll only need to heat up when he wakes up. Reluctantly, she leaves for work hoping Yoongi will be ok while she’s gone.

Yoongi wakes a couple of hours later with the all too familiar headache. He’s happy to be waking up in his own bed, but not too happy about everything else from the previous night. He manages to sit up and he notices the water Hyeri left for him. She’s too good to him.

He gets himself washed up then goes into the kitchen to find the meal she left for him along with a note telling him to rest and take it easy today. He heats up the soup then takes a look at his phone for the first time.

Of course he has messages from all 6 of the guys. They want to make sure he’s ok and also tell him to rest today. Hobi offers his support any time Yoongi needs to talk. Jin said he would check in later, and reminds him that they all aren’t judging him or mad, they only want him to be ok.

Then he has messages from Hyeri. Somehow more than the number of messages he had from the others. She began sending messages last night after he had gotten home.

When Hyeri felt Yoongi would be able to sleep through the rest of the night, she stayed up sending him texts until she fell asleep. She sent him everything she was feeling as she was going through the emotions. Her texts cycle through feelings of sadness, relief, disappointment, pain, and fear.

Yoongi sits at the table with his soup and reads through all of her messages. His heart hurts when she mentions how she was afraid he had messed around again and she feared that it would be the end of their relationship, because regardless of how much she loves him, she can’t stay with him if he did that again. She was relieved that nothing like that happened, but she’s afraid for the next time. And the time after that. Through her texts she worries that every time he goes out and drinks he’ll either be in the company of another or somewhere near death.

Her words are painful. Yoongi’s tears are streaming down his face as he feels terrible for putting her through all of this. He feels like all he’s ever done lately is feel guilty for various reasons. She puts up with so much and though she expresses how upset she is with him, she still took the time to leave him this soup that he’s crying into.

He already felt bad. Now he feels even worse. Those feelings he thought he could drink away only ever come back stronger. Each time they do it makes it harder and harder for him to resist. It’s a thing he feels he’s struggling to control and that sends him down a faster spiral.

He messages Hyeri thanking her for taking care of him again and apologizing for being a mess. He tells her he’s not perfect but he feels she deserves for him to be perfect. He doesn’t know why she still loves him, but he’s trying his hardest to be better for her. He only wishes this habit wouldn’t control his every other move.

He knows Hyeri will be home later in the evening. He knows the guys will probably be checking to make sure he’s not in his studio so he can’t go there. It’s not that he wants to go out and do anything, it’s just that being home doing nothing makes it hard for him to ignore the feelings he’s going through. All he wants is to be numb because yet again he can’t handle the crushing emotions that plague him. He drank because that’s how he was able to get away. Unfortunately, he hasn’t found an alternative that is less self destructive, but will still satisfy his need to run from reality.

So he orders a few groceries to be delivered that he can use to make himself lunch and dinner. The bottle of wine he included didn’t fully hit him until it was delivered. Why is this so hard?

He can’t hide anything from Hyeri anymore. His guilt is bad enough as it is. He messages her telling her he got a bottle of wine. He didn’t want to but he can’t control himself. He asks her forgiveness and expresses his desire for her to be home soon.

[Yoongi 7:45pm]: I’m making dinner. I’ll save you some. Just some ramen and meat. I’ve been craving carbs.

[Yoongi 8:22pm]: You mean everything to me Hyeri. I love you so much.

[Yoongi 8:57pm]: I’m so sorry.

[Yoongi 9:45pm]: I need help. I’m not ok. I’m so sorry Hyeri. I opened the bottle. I tried so hard to fight it but I opened it anyway. I hope you can come home soon.

[Yoongi 11:02pm]: I let you down again.

Hyeri isn’t able to get to her phone until 30 minutes after Yoongi’s last message. She sends a response letting him know she’s on her way home. She rushes off scared of what she may see when she gets there.

Yoongi hasn’t gotten into anything beyond the bottle. He cooked and ate dinner and then not long after he fell to the temptation. He had a glass and sent the first guilt text. By his third glass he was texting her his confession while crying on the kitchen floor. He felt considerable relief when he saw her message that she was coming home. It’s like he heard that his life was being saved after being lost for ages. He had already finished the bottle of wine, but knowing the love of his life was on her way made him feel like he could breathe again.

Hyeri rushes into their shared apartment and immediately finds Yoongi lying across the couch staring at the ceiling. He’s been crying so much that he doesn’t even know if he’s still drunk or not. He just knows his head hurts.

“Yoongi,” Hyeri says rushing to his side. “Are you ok?”

“No,” Yoongi whispers shaking his head. “I can’t do this without you. I’m so weak without you.”

“It’s ok, baby.” She brushes the wet hair stuck to his forehead aside.

He’s dripping in sweat having been in and out of anxiety attacks as he waited for her to get home. He’s stripped down to nothing but his sweatpants in an attempt to cool off but it didn’t seem to work. He takes a deep breath and instantly feels relief from her scent. The warmth of her brings life back into him.

“I’m sorry,” he says wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her tightly. “I’m so weak.”

“You’re not,” she assures him. “It took so much strength for you to even tell me what you did and I’m proud of you for that.”

“I want to be better for you,” he cries. “I’m trying to be better, but it’s so hard, Hyeri. Everywhere I turn there’s a bottle calling for me. I don’t know what to do.” He holds her tighter and sobs into her chest.

“It’s ok, I’m here, my love,” she assures rubbing his back.

He holds on tight to her as if his life depends on it. It’s almost as if his life really does. It depends on her. The only time he doesn’t feel weak is when he’s with her and he isn’t even sure how he got to this point.

Hyeri had to fake being under the weather so she could stay with Yoongi the following day. He doesn’t know what he’d do without her, but at the same time he’s embarrassed that she had to deal with this once again. He feels all she’s been doing is taking care of him lately and he feels terrible for it.

He also feels terrible for the rest of the guys who have been checking in on him throughout the day. He told them Hyeri is taking care of him and he’s doing fine. What he doesn’t know is Hyeri told Namjoon about last night. Namjoon told the members and they finally decided they would need to sit down and have a meeting about Yoongi’s drinking.

What no one knows is that their management team is having a meeting of their own.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 13: Weight

Yoongi starts his day in an empty bed. He’s used to it. Hyeri had another early call and left a short couple of hours ago. He rolls out of bed to get himself ready for another day in the studio.

After washing up and getting dressed he’s greeted in the kitchen by a prepared lunch and a note. Hyeri made him a small lunch before she left and wrote a note letting him know how much she loves him. He smiles at the note and packs the lunch into his backpack.

By the time Yoongi gets to his car he’s already feeling weighed down with guilt. She’s so good to him. Too good. The entire drive to the studio he can’t stop thinking about how terrible he is for everything he’s done. Even if he can accept her forgiving him for what he’s done on tour, he can’t accept his temptation taking him away the moment he steps into his studio.

“I don’t deserve her love,” he mumbles taking another sip of liquor while he sits at his keyboard.

He’s plagued with guilt the entire day. He knows he could stop it though. He could put the bottle down and no longer feel guilty for sneaking drinks behind Hyeri’s back. He went the entire day before without a drink, it’s just that easy.

But he’ll just finish off the bottle he has first.

Or maybe it would make more sense to finish the other two bottles he has in his studio so he can start fresh tomorrow with no temptations.

“Fuck,” he sighs to himself once he takes the last sip of his final bottle. He’s managed to accomplish nothing since he’s been there other than finishing off 3 bottles of liquor and repeating to himself how much of a piece of shit he is.

His chest tightens when he sees a text from Hyeri. She tells him she’s on a short break and she just wanted to remind him how much she loves him. She then gushed about the features of her new car. He’s so fucked up and guilty that all he can manage to do is type out a short “I love you too” in response. His guilt is suffocating and only gets worse when Hobi stops by to chat.

Hobi hadn’t seen Yoongi since his disastrous night when they were all out to dinner. Aside from a few texts, he hadn’t been able to see the state Yoongi is really in. He decided to stop by since he was in the office working on his own projects. No matter how hard Yoongi tried, Hobi knew the moment the door opened that Yoongi was in rough shape.

“Hyung,” Hobi says helping Yoongi to his couch. “How much have you already had?”

“I want to start fresh tomorrow,” Yoongi says trying to stabilize his vision.

“What’s going on?” Hobi asks with pain and concern in his voice. “You said you stopped.”

“I did,” Yoongi sighs. “Every time I stop I start again.”

At this point Yoongi is too drunk to hold back. He’s guilty and ashamed and now he’s more sad and disappointed because seeing the look on Hobi’s face is breaking him inside. He can’t stand seeing those he love hurting so much because of him. They all love him but he feels all he’s giving them in return is pain and suffering.

“Get help,” Hobi says softly. “Hyung, we’re all here for you. We only want to see you happy and healthy and you haven’t been either of those things in a while. Talk to us. Tell us what you’re going through.”

Yoongi looks at Hobi’s concerned face and breaks at his soft words. He never thought things would get this way. It’s not what he wanted. He isn’t even sure what he wanted in the first place, but now he’s drowning in guilt because he’s done nothing but continuously hurt the ones he loves most.

“I’m sorry, Hoba,” Yoongi says holding back his tears. “I’ve done nothing but fuck shit up. She still loves me after everything I’ve done. You guys are still here when I pretty much fucked up the entire tour.”

“Hyung-“

“I mean it,” Yoongi continues. “I thought I could stop on my own. I did for a little bit. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to stop now.”

“You don’t have to try to do it on your own. We’re here for you. Hyeri too. You know all she wants is for you to be ok.”

Hobi’s words only strangle Yoongi more. Sneaking around is much worse than telling the truth. Hurting his brothers and the love of his life is worse than anything in his mind. He’s already done everything to ruin any trust anyone had in him and he would never forgive himself if he is successful in finally pushing them all away.

“I can’t face her like this,” Yoongi says anxiously.

“Yes you can,” Hobi encourages. “You have to be honest with her. With…all of us.” Hobi hangs his head trying to calm the sudden pang in his heart. Yoongi has never been so low and it hurts them all that he doesn’t feel like he can be honest with them. They know exactly how Hyeri feels.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi apologizes again. “I want to be better for all of you. Hoseok, please, what do I do? All I know is the bottle. I drank because she hurt me. I drank so I wouldn’t feel the hurt. I drank because I didn’t want to be myself because being myself hurts. I drank because I stopped drinking. Then I drank because I feel bad for drinking. I can’t stop it, Hoseok.” Yoongi puts his head in his hands and tries his hardest to keep from loudly crying out in pain.

“Tell her,” Hobi says. “Tell her everything you just told me. If you don’t do anything else, at least do that. She just wants to support you but she can’t if you don’t tell her you’re struggling. Me and the members…” he pauses at the amount of pain on Yoongi’s face. “We want to support you. We love you, hyung.”

Yoongi immediately breaks down. Those words carry so much weight coming from Hoseok, and it’s too much for Yoongi to bear. He can’t stop crying. He isn’t sure he’s ever cried this much in front of one of the members. Everything is burning inside him.

He needs to tell Hyeri. If he keeps holding on to this he’ll never be able to be at peace. She shows him so much love that the longer he goes hiding his relapse, the shittier he feels.

The next day, Hyeri has a slightly later call time. She’s able to sleep in a bit longer and wake up with Yoongi. While he gets himself ready for another day in the studio, she prepares breakfast for him. She packs another small bento lunch for him. Then she returns to him with endless kisses and words of adoration.

The more she does for him the guiltier he feels. He wanted to tell her while eating breakfast, but the sparkle in her eyes took his voice away. He wanted to say something when she packed the bento box into his backpack, but her enthusiasm for his work paralyzed him. He tried so hard to say something when she was kissing him goodbye, but the words were sucked away by her soft lips.

He spends the day in his studio going through a rollercoaster of emotions. She’s too good for him, he has to tell her. She’s going to be so disappointed in him for being a failure, he can’t tell her anything.

Later that evening, Hyeri tells him she has the next day off. The drama she’s shooting is ahead of schedule so she gets the next day to relax. She tells Yoongi in excitement hoping he could miss a day in the studio to spend the day with her. She admits that she had been wanting to try a restaurant that recently opened up in town and she made reservations for dinner and was hoping Yoongi would be able to at least take time for that. She then takes time to thank him for her car. She tells him of more features she discovered and ends her long text telling him how much she loves him and how happy he makes her. Her words only deepen the mass of guilt he’s carrying.

Of course he’s going to take the day to spend with her. The one day he managed to stay sober was when he was with her and doing things for her. If he’s sober, he can feel less like a piece of shit.

Or so he thought.

The day starts with Hyeri preparing breakfast. She brews him a cup of coffee and tells him to not lift a finger. He sits at the table as she makes a plate for him. She hums a sweet song as she floats around the kitchen plating the meal she put together for the two of them.

Yoongi loves Hyeri’s voice. He fell in love the first time he heard her. Her honey vocals never fail to soothe every part of his body. He feels so fucking terrible. Even after talking to Hobi yesterday he still stopped to grab another drink on his way home last night. He sat in his car and drank the entire midsized bottle before going inside and slipping into bed next to a sleeping Hyeri.

During breakfast Hyeri sits across from Yoongi and tells him all about her day yesterday. She’s happy and enthusiastic as if she’s completely forgotten the things that Yoongi has done. The things he’s still doing. He has so much guilt crushing him that he can hardly eat his food.

“Babe?” Hyeri asks from across the table. She began to notice the unease on his face and now she’s starting to worry. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi lies. “No,” he immediately confesses shaking his head. “I’m not ok, Hyeri. Baby you’re…” he pauses to repress a sob. “You’re so good to me,” he strains to say. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess. You put up with me and I feel like I do nothing but give you reason after reason to be done with me.”

Hyeri isn’t sure what he’s going on about, but she reaches for his hand hoping to comfort him. He looks so pained it breaks her heart. He squeezes her hand and continues sobbing.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again. “I fucked up again and you don’t deserve to have to deal with my shit.”

“What?” She asks tilting her head. She doesn’t want to fear the worst, but she may not be able to control herself if he tells her he got a blowjob from another stranger. Of all things he could confess to her, she doesn’t think she can take that type of confession again.

“I had a drink last night,” he admits. “I had a few drinks during the day. Hyeri, the moment I went back to the studio I started drinking again and I’m such a terrible piece of shit for trying to hide it from you. I just don’t know what to do,” he cries. “You deserve nothing but the best, but I keep fucking up. I’m so sorry.” He releases her hand and hangs his head with tears flowing down to his plate.

“Yoongi,” she says softly. “Why are you just now telling me? I want to help you, but I can’t do that if you hide from me.” She has tears building up in her eyes and it only deepens Yoongi’s guilt.

“I can’t face you. It’s so hard,” he sobs. “I don’t want you to be disappointed in me but all I ever do is things that disappoint you. I’m so sorry, Hyeri.”

“Baby I’m not disappointed in you if you tell me you need help. I’m here for you and I’ll do anything to help you. I just want you to be ok.” She’s trying to mask the trembling in her voice, but it’s hard. He looks so broken and it twists her up inside.

Yoongi can hardly get another word out through his sobs. He hadn’t realized just how hard it would be for him to ask for help. It’s painful and it frustrates him that it’s so difficult. Hyeri gets up and comes around the table to wipe the tears running down his face. She’s never seen him so low. He leans into her chest and continues crying as she offers comfort.

“I’m here for you,” she says. “We can work through this together.”

It’s certainly not how Hyeri saw the day starting, though she can’t say she’s surprised that he’s fallen back into his habit. She knew the moment she saw the bottle of whiskey in his car missing that he was likely drinking heavily again. The other night was the first time she felt she may have been wrong. He hadn’t had a drink that day and she was so happy to finally see the Yoongi she’s known and missed. The gentle lover who caters to her every need and satisfies her every desire.

She appreciates him being honest and asking for help. It’s been hard for her to trust him and now that he’s opened up she hopes that means she won’t have to keep checking all of his hiding places for booze. The state he’s in is hard for her to watch so she’s determined to help him get back to his healthy self.

Hyeri had been excited about the dinner reservation she made for them, but she decided it would probably be better to stay home and order in. She doesn’t want him to have to face any temptations at the restaurant, and she knows he loves to have a good food and drink pairing. Instead she does as she always does. She takes care of Yoongi.

He told her about how much he had been drinking since he started back at the studio and her jaw is nearly on the floor. She had no idea just how much he’d been drinking until now. She’s surprised he’s even still alive and she almost wants to take him to see a doctor because she can’t imagine his liver is in good shape. Multiple large bottles of strong drinks in a day, everyday, is insane.

Yoongi cried so much he wasn’t sure he’d have any tears left in him, but they seemed to find a way anyhow. Whenever he thought of how lucky he is to have Hyeri supporting him he would start to feel guilty again. He wants to do this for her so he can finally be the person he feels she deserves.

Things start off surprisingly easy. He had nothing left and Hyeri made sure of it. When the thought would creep into his mind he would just look at the photo of her car after her accident. He continues carrying so much guilt because of that so it’s been one thing that can always bring him out of temptation and remind him why he’s doing this. He felt that method was working well and he found himself happier and freer.

With their comeback getting closer, the guys have begun working on choreography. With Yoongi’s newfound happiness from being alcohol free and back at a healthy weight he’s been getting through practices with ease. The guys are all more than happy to see Yoongi looking and feeling much better.

At home, Yoongi and Hyeri spend whatever free time they can together. It’s not much with their schedules, but they make it work as they always have. When Yoongi has to see Hyeri off he can’t help but smile at the necklace she’s wearing. The one he bought her in New York and she hasn’t taken it off since they made up. Hyeri smiles back happy that he finally started wearing the bracelet she got him again. He couldn’t put it on because it only made him feel guilty. Now it motivates him.

Yoongi not only has the love and support from Hyeri to keep him going, but his brothers as well. They’re beginning to shoot more and more content for their album and he’s doing everything to stay on his best behavior with cameras being around every corner. Still feeling guilty from his performances on tour, he feels much more responsible for being his best for this comeback. He owes it to them and to Army.

The guys have been ecstatic about Yoongi’s sobriety. Hobi told the rest of the guys about finding Yoongi drunk in his studio. They were preparing to pause all practices to have a tough talk with him. They were surprised and a little skeptical to see him show up for practice sober. They gave it time but realized he truly was completely sober. No hidden flasks or extended bathroom breaks. They decided maybe they didn’t need to have a talk with him.

He was outgoing during their Festa live. They had an assortment of food and drinks but Yoongi stuck to his diet and drinking tea. He read chat comments and stayed responsive to everything going on. Everyone feels so happy to see Yoongi this way. It even brings a tear to Hyeri’s eye as she watches the live during a break she has in schedules. He looks so happy and healthy and she’s never been more in love with him.

Yoongi feels amazing. He’s proud of himself, he and Hyeri are doing great, and he’s excited about the group’s comeback. He hasn’t had a drink in nearly two months and he’s been feeling so much lighter.

Their comeback announcement finally went out and now things are really starting to pick up. There’s lots of excitement and fans are just as anxious to hear their new music. Their schedules are getting busier each day. There’s so many interviews, promos, and appearances that keep rolling in.

Finally the day comes and BTS embarks on another comeback season. They hit the ground running with performances and appearances on tv shows. The response to their album has been very positive and it makes Yoongi feel even more invigorated. He hasn’t had this much energy in a long time.

After making their promotional visits to nearly everywhere in the country, they head off for a round of overseas promos in the US. This will be the first true test of his resistance. The last time he was in the US things were a complete wreck. He’s determined to prove to himself and everyone else that he can get through this trip, this time away from Hyeri, without having a drink. They’ll only be there for two weeks, so it can’t be that bad.

On their third day in the US, Yoongi feels like he has a fever. He doesn’t though. He’s perfectly fine. It’s just the drinks in the minibar are starting to infiltrate his dreams. He didn’t think he would suddenly struggle like this. He wanted to talk to Hyeri about it, but when he talked to her he couldn’t find the courage to do so. If he tells her he’s struggling with temptation then she may think he’s there doing all of the things he was doing last time. The drinking until he blacks out, the blowjobs from strangers, and the getting robbed. He doesn’t want her to worry when he’s so far away.

Two days later he’s waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He keeps trying to remind himself that it’s all in his head. He can’t make it. In the morning he calls Jin to his room and unloads everything in the minibar into his arms. He hasn’t had a single drink but he’s afraid he’ll break if he has to be around those drinks any longer.

Jin is happy Yoongi reached out instead of trying to face this alone. He takes the drinks and has a manager bring Yoongi the teas and juices he likes. Yoongi is grateful for Jin and he feels much better being honest about it. He even told Hyeri the next time he talked to her and she expressed how proud of him she is. To Yoongi that was a huge obstacle that he was able to overcome.

When they return home he feels a wave of relief. Nothing can stop him now. To him that was the hardest test he would have to face and he made it through. He feels unstoppable.

A/N: Hi everyone! First I’d like to say how much I appreciate each and every one of you for supporting this story, you guys are awesome! 💜 I want to let you all know that there will be no new chapter next Monday. Life decided to suddenly throw me a curveball and I just need a little time to simply rest and refresh. No worries though because I’ll be back on the April 1 with a new chapter. Take care of yourselves 💜😊

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 12: Guilty

Hyeri began shooting for her new miniseries with lots of enthusiasm. She’s determined to blow everyone away and make JJS see that she doesn’t need fake relationships and other gimmicks to gain viewers. She simply wants to act and be great at it.

Yoongi is still working on his group and solo music, but he also took on a big project for an interactive music exhibit. It’s something he hadn’t done before and he liked the idea of a challenge. However, he didn’t realize how much of a challenge it really would be. It’s more than producing and writing a song. It’s also breaking down every single element of the music in ways he’d never done before. Every instrument, beat, reverb, etc. has to be finely dissected for this exhibit. It’s taking more out of him each day and the looming deadline isn’t much help.

Yoongi and Hyeri have seen less of each other lately. It’s not something new for them, but as usual it’s not exactly easy either. While they’ve been making progress in rebuilding their relationship, it’s still nowhere near 100%, and that only makes these extended times apart even harder.

Hyeri still doesn’t trust Yoongi. She’s happy that they’ve been getting closer again, but she still doesn’t trust him. The less she sees of him the more she worries that he’ll slip back into drinking. She knows he likes to have a glass or two when he’s working, she just hopes that if he does have a drink he doesn’t go overboard.

She’s constantly checking for any signs that he may have slipped up. When he’s not home she’s checking all of his hiding places for new bottles. When he is home she stays close to see if she can smell alcohol on his breath or smell his attempt the cover it up. So far she’s found nothing but she still wants to stay vigilant.

Yoongi knows Hyeri has been working extra hard on this drama. After her falling out with JJS over her unauthorized statement, she’s felt like she has to prove herself even more as an actress. Yoongi can tell she’s been more stressed than ever and he wants to make sure he doesn’t do anything to make it worse.

He hasn’t drank a thing since he’s been back working in the studio. He knows the guys are still trying to keep an eye on him and he knows Hyeri has been digging through his things looking for hidden drinks. He doesn’t blame anyone for it, he put this on himself.

None of that changes the fact that he’s under a lot of stress though. His solo work isn’t so much an issue because he can work on that for as long as he wants and release it whenever he wants. His group work and the special project he took on however have deadlines and it’s weighing him down.

He submitted the songs he had for the group, but there were a lot of changes that were suggested he make on nearly every one of them. Each song had something that wasn’t quite right, or something one of the guys felt was either too much or not enough. He’s starting to feel like he can’t get anything right.

The deadline for his exhibition project is coming closer and that isn’t helping. He’s worked tirelessly on the project but still can’t seem to see the end in sight. He had no idea it would be so labor intensive.

Everyday he leaves the studio to go home he hears the faint whisper of the hidden bottle of whiskey in his car. Everyday he has to use every bit of power in him to ignore the temptation. If Hyeri smells it that could be the end for him.

Then he has a particularly rough day. He can’t take any more. Nothing is going right. His computer crashed before he could save his work and he had to start over. His melodies weren’t flowing right, and his beats were falling flat. He finally walked out of his studio to get some air.

His legs carried him out to his car in the parking garage. He considered going home for the day. Maybe calling it a day early will give him time to relax a little and maybe he’ll feel more refreshed in the morning.

The moment he sits in the driver’s seat he can only sigh, groan, curse, then sigh again. Going home now would just leave more work for him to have to rush through later. He leans his head back and takes a deep breath. He just needs a moment to clear his mind before he jumps back into work.

It’s a long moment. A frustrating moment. He feels so on edge and the only thing he can think to ease his anxiety is a sip from the whiskey in his car. A small sip, nothing crazy. Although a small sip is crazy for him, so he takes more than a sip.

It’s like he lost control of himself for a brief moment. His hands were moving but he wasn’t the one moving them. The moment the dark beverage touched his tongue he felt like an electric current shot through his entire body. It invigorates him so much he can’t help but take another gulp.

“Fuck,” he exhales. That drink shouldn’t feel so good.

He sits a little longer fighting with his better judgement before he finally gets out of his car and heads back to his studio. With the bottle of whiskey tucked into his pocket. He knows he fucked up. The bottle is small, it can’t be that bad.

He gets in the studio and takes another drink. The small bottle is half empty now. He knows he should stop. It’s the only bottle he has so he should save it. It’s too bad that the worst part of him has come out and forced his hand to put the bottle to his lips and finish the rest off.

He immediately throws himself back into his work. It’s strange how he feels more productive now. Maybe it’s the whiskey or maybe it’s the guilt trying to mask itself as productivity. Either way, he’s able to power through and make good progress. By the time he leaves later that night he feels like he’s actually accomplished something.

He gets home, cleans himself up, and slips into bed next to Hyeri who’s already asleep. He makes sure his breath doesn’t have a hint of alcohol smell then allows himself to drift off to sleep.

Yoongi wakes up the next morning to an empty bed. Hyeri has been starting her days extra early for her scheduled shoots. Yoongi typically tries to wake up with her just to see her off, but he’s not always able to do so like today. He slept so hard he didn’t even hear her leave which he typically does. He gets out of bed to get his day started. He makes himself a quick breakfast and gets ready for another day in the studio.

On his way there he’s hit with that sneaky voice telling him he should stop and pick up something to drink along the way. It’s tempting. He feels like he got so much more work done yesterday once he had a drink. He knows its a slippery slope though, and yesterday was only a mistake he made in a moment of weakness. He goes straight to the studio without giving in to the temptation.

Getting himself started is rough. He stares into space for about 20 minutes before he finally snaps out of it and begins working. It’s frustrating. Nothing is flowing. That spark of life he had yesterday is nowhere to be found.

He sits in annoyance a moment before his body falls under the control of some outside force and he taps a message out to one of their managers. He’s not proud of himself. He knows he fucked up. He knows it’s so damn hard for him to stop. He’s so ashamed of himself.

Though he only requested a single bottle of whiskey, his manager returned with that plus a gift with a bottle of cognac from one of the brands the guys represent. They get gifts like that all of the time from sponsors, prospective sponsors, and various companies just trying to get their name out there. The timing of this gift couldn’t have been worse though.

Yoongi knows that if he got the gift, so did the rest of the guys. If the rest of the guys got it then they know he did too. If they discover he had even the smallest sip from the bottle they would notice and probably cause a scene. So he puts the bottle up on his shelf to replace one of the decorative bottles that Namjoon had gotten rid of. If anyone were to come and question him they would see that the unopened bottle is on the shelf untouched.

Instead, he cracks open the bottle of whiskey the manager brought him and takes a big drink. That electric feeling comes back and he feels empowered. He gets back to work feeling the boost of productivity running through him.

Yoongi tends to work long periods of time without a break. He only pulls himself away from work to take a breath and another sip of whiskey when he feels the effects of the last one had already worn off. That’s how his day goes.

The next day isn’t much different. The only change is that he stops by the liquor store on his way to the studio to get himself a new bottle of whiskey to take the place of the one he finished off the day before.

The day after that, he does it again. This time he just buys a bigger bottle so that it will last him a bit longer. However that didn’t work the way he thought it would, so the following day he buys two big bottles. By the end of the week he’s downing at least a big bottle and a half a day.

Then one day, just a week shy of the deadline for his special project, he drinks two bottles of whiskey because he’s so stressed. In his mind it will give him a boost. In reality, he’s practically useless. The additional bottles of tequila and gin he asked a manager to get for him certainly hasn’t helped either.

That night he gets little done. He can’t concentrate and he can hardly see straight. He’s only able to sober up slightly when he gets a text from Hyeri asking when he’d be home. He knows he can’t go home in this state. She’ll no doubt smell it on him and get upset.

“Fuck,” he groans trying to type out a message to her.

The guilt sets in almost immediately after he tells her he’ll stay the night in his studio because he still has much to do. He didn’t want to fuck up again and give her a reason to leave. He felt like he got so lucky with the second chance she gave him, but now he’s realizing that he’s already fucked up that second chance the moment he drank the whiskey he had in his car.

He knows he can’t face her when he’s like this so he tries avoiding her. He stays that night in his studio. He goes home late the next evening knowing she’ll be asleep when he gets there. He washes up and gets in the bed next to her as if he hadn’t spent the majority of the day drinking. When he wakes the next morning she’s already gone. It’s almost as if he doesn’t have to face her at all. He doesn’t have to face the guilt.

Except when she calls him during her breaks and constantly texts him whenever she gets a moment. She may not be able to see him, but the guilt beats him down more and more every time he sees her name show up on his phone. He thought he could stop on his own or at least cut back, but every time he fails.

Hyeri is no fool. She was suspicious of Yoongi before he even gave her a reason to be suspicious. She knew he had a bottle of whiskey in his car. She found it when she was leaving for her shoot one morning and thought she had left her sunglasses in his car. At that time the bottle was still unopened. When she checked a few days later, the bottle was gone.

At the very least she knows he drank the whiskey. His behavior since then has led her to believe that he’s definitely drinking more while he’s in the studio. She knows he’ll shut down if she tries to confront him about it. Even if he admits it to her, she knows he’ll get defensive. Not only that, but she knows he likes to have a drink while he works. While she would prefer if he didn’t drink at all right now, she doesn’t want to seem like she’s attacking him if a small drink at work is all he’s having. Too bad that’s not all he’s having while he’s working.

He’s drowning in another bottle in a desperate attempt to find the motivation to get through his work. Instead he spends much too much time scrolling his phone. He goes from unmotivated to terribly guilty when he comes across an article about Hyeri.

The article talks about Hyeri working on a new drama and how she’s recovered from her car accident. Actually it talks a lot about her accident. It’s not a very long article, but the pictures included are what hit Yoongi the hardest. The first picture is just her smiling face from a red carpet event she attended a year ago. Her sweet smile that he’s fallen head over heels in love with. Then the next picture is one that was taken of her car after her accident. Until now, Yoongi hasn’t seen any photos related to her accident. He had no desire to see the carnage he felt he created. But now that carnage is staring right back at him.

He knew her car had been totaled but he never saw how the front of her car had been completely smashed in. He had no idea she hit the pole so hard that it was left tilted, having to later be replaced. The crushed metal and shattered glass feels like it’s choking him as his eyes remain glued to the photo.

“I should have been with her,” he softly cries to himself. “I’m no good for her.”

The guilt comes pouring out of his eyes and he can’t stop it. He feels so guilty for everything. He wishes he was there for her. He wishes he could have comforted her while she was hurting. He wishes he could have stopped her from going out that night. He wishes he wasn’t such a drunken piece of shit.

Through his tears he searches the internet for a solution to ease his guilt. He feels he needs to do something to make up for everything and more. He wants to give Hyeri something big enough to make up for his infidelity and his excessive drinking that he’s still partaking in behind her back. He hates himself so much.

The next day he can’t bring himself to go into the studio. Hyeri has an evening call time for once so he wants to stay home with her while he can. His guilt is soul crushing so he’d rather stay with her to stay away from temptation than go to the studio and keep making things worse. Because he knows he won’t be able to resist a drink the moment he gets there.

He starts the day making her breakfast. He showers her with love and does everything to make sure she doesn’t have to lift a finger. Hyeri relishes in the princess treatment that he’s giving her. She mentioned being a bit sore in the shoulders from yesterday’s shoot so Yoongi gave her a massage when she was done with breakfast.

Throughout the day he tells her how much he loves her and how lucky he is to have her. He mentions feeling like he’s still not enough, but she scolded him as she always does when he says those things. She knows he’s not without faults, and neither is she, but she wouldn’t still be there if she didn’t feel so strongly for him. She has hope that they can survive anything if they can survive all they’ve gone through during his tour. She knows she’s probably being naive as usual, but she’s always felt Yoongi had something special. Something she’d never experienced before. A love she never knew existed.

He caters to her every need. Makes her the most delicious food while keeping her diet in mind. He never makes eye contact with people when he’s speaking to them, but he’ll always make eye contact with her. He makes sure she has everything she needs to get through her shoot and throws in a couple of snacks that she can munch on if she gets a little hungry. He offers to drive her to set where he’ll pick her up later once she’s done. She tries to tell him there’s no need for him to go out of his way, but he insisted.

After he gets her dropped off for her shoot he begins putting his plan in motion. He heads home to switch cars. He takes Hyeri’s rental back to the rental lot. From there he gets a manager to take him to a luxury dealership where the 4-door navy blue luxury sedan he bought for Hyeri is waiting for him.

She told him not to buy her a car. She told him a few times. To Hyeri it’s too much and she would feel bad accepting something so extravagant. To Yoongi, it’s only a small piece of a larger operation to show her how much he loves her and definitely not to try masking his own guilt for slipping into his addiction again.

Yoongi makes a few more stops before he gets home. He starts by setting up the large flower arrangement near the front door. It will be the first thing she sees when she walks inside. From there he has an assortment of Hyeri’s favorite cuts of meat. She enjoys having her own bbq experience at home so Yoongi made it happen with a table grill set up on their balcony outside. In the bathroom is a full spa set equipped with face masks, bath bombs, body scrub, and moisturizers. Laying across the bed is a cozy robe and fuzzy slippers for her to slip into after her relaxing bath. Along with that is the necklace he bought for her in New York. He never sent it with the other gifts he got her because he wanted to give it to her when he got back. Of course things didn’t quite go to plan so he had it tucked away in one of his bags where he’d forgotten about it. Now he’ll finally give her the lavish necklace that he knows she’ll love.

Yoongi set up what he thought would be the perfect evening for Hyeri. He set up everything she loves and bought her a car that he knows she’s had on her wishlist. The final touch before he left later that night to pick her up, was the trail of rose petals he left going from the front door to the bedroom. She always loves that extra romantic touch.

Yoongi drove Hyeri’s new car to pick her up from her set. Since she wouldn’t know to look for that car, he parked and stood outside waiting for her to emerge from her trailer. He’s nervous and he isn’t sure why. Would she be upset with him for buying her a car when she told him not to? Would she immediately realize that he’s doing this because he feels guilty for relapsing?

“Hey!” Hyeri says approaching him. She has a big smile that lets Yoongi know she had a good day. “What’s this?” She asks looking at the shiny new car she hasn’t seen before.

“Your ride,” Yoongi says opening the passenger side door for her.

“What?” She asks while getting in anyway.

Yoongi runs around the car and hops into the driver side. He’s been sober all day and he’s proud of himself. He flashes his big gummy smile at Hyeri then pulls off to head home. He feels invigorated. Sure his guilt is the reason why he’s doing this, but the anticipation to see how she’ll react to it all makes him ecstatic.

When they arrive home Yoongi opens the door for her so she can enter first. She immediately gasps at the trail of rose petals across the floor and the large floral arrangement in front of her.

“Yoongi,” she says admiring the flowers. “What is all of this?”

“There’s more,” he smiles gesturing for her to follow the trail to the bedroom.

Hyeri walks along the fallen petals to the bedroom where she’s greeted by her new robe and spa set. She’s in awe at everything Yoongi has put together, and even more impressed when she feels how soft and cozy the robe is.

“Yoongi,” she says turning to look at his smiling face standing in the bedroom doorway. “You did all of this?”

“Yes,” he says stepping towards her. “It’s all for you, babe. The flowers, the dinner I prepared, the robe, the car. It’s all yours.”

“The….car?” She thinks a moment at the car he brought her home in. The one that did look suspiciously like the car she had been wanting for a while. “Yoongi, no.”

“It’s yours,” he says handing her the key.

“Yoongi,” she says trying to hold back tears. “How? I mean, why? For me? Why?”

“Why not?” He smiles. “You deserve all of it and more.”

“But-“

He interrupts her by placing his lips on hers. She leans in wanting to savor this feeling of him being so warm and affectionate. He hasn’t kissed her like this in so long that she almost forgot what it feels like. He’s so delicate. So gentle with her.

“I love you,” he says pulling her into him tighter. “I know I’m a fuck up, but I love you more than anything in this world.”

“Yoongi,” she says softly as she wraps her arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done,” he continues. “I know this isn’t enough to make up for all the shit I’ve done, but I will make it up to you forever, Hyeri. I love you.”

“Baby, this is all so…” she pauses unsure of the word she’s looking for to describe how full her heart feels right now. Instead she leans in and kisses him gently. “I love you so much.”

She kisses him again lingering against his soft lips. Everything she’s feeling is so overwhelming that all she can do is press her body into him harder. She continues kissing and pressing him until he falls back onto the bed with her still attached to his lips.

Hyeri can’t help herself. She hasn’t felt Yoongi like this in too long. Certainly not since before he went on tour. She straddles him and pushes his back flat on the bed. She goes in for another kiss, then slides her tongue into his mouth. Not tasting alcohol on him only fuels her more. He did all of this for her and he’s sober. This is the Yoongi she fell in love with.

Yoongi can’t even comprehend how good he feels right now. He’s missed her taste and her touch. He’d been so guilt ridden that he tried to avoid intimacy with Hyeri. He craved her touch but felt like a shitty person when he thought of how much he hurt her. But now that guilt is taking a backseat to the feeling of her removing his shirt and kissing a trail from his chest all the way down to his belly button.

Hyeri is eager and assertive in a way she’s never been before. She’s usually the submissive one. The one who simply lays back and lets Yoongi take control and send her around the world. Not this time. She’s overwhelmed with so much feeling that she hardly even gives him a chance to take a breath. She has a new drive and motivation that’s powering her to remove Yoongi’s pants and begin massaging his growing hardness with just the amount of pressure she knows drives him wild.

All Yoongi can do is let out a breathy groan at the sensation he gets from her touch. This is the side of her he’s not used to. This confidence and control she’s showing as she removes her own clothes and makes herself comfortable straddling his lap again. She goes in for another kiss and he can feel her grinding her wet pussy against him. He’s about to go feral.

His hands trace every part of her body while she’s still attached to his lips. Once she feels he’s reached the pinnacle of longing, she lifts herself then slowly, gently, and delicately slides down his shaft taking every part of him in. The mewl she unleashes gives him chills.

Her love is incredible. The way she has full control as she bounces up and down is insatiable. He reaches for her breasts and teases her nipples pulling a heavy moan out of her. Her breaths increase and all he can do is marvel at the way she starts to unravel on top of him.

She leans into him while still bouncing her hips up and down on him. Her mouth finds his neck and she bites him like she never has before. While it isn’t unusual for her to nip at his skin, this time was much different. She was still gentle as ever, but he could tell she wanted to leave a mark with that bite.

That’s exactly what she did. That was her goal. He’s hers and she’s his and she wants it to be known. For the first time, after the fighting and heartache, she doesn’t give a damn who knows about her and Yoongi. She wants the world to know.

Yoongi hisses when she slides her tongue over the mark she left. It stings so good to him. He tightens his grip around her body bracing for his impending explosion. He can tell she’s close to her end too.

She keeps her rhythm until she can’t will her body to go any longer. She’s trying to find stability when Yoongi pulls her even closer into his body and begins picking up where she left off. His hips piston into her until she lets out a loud whine and goes limp into him.

He chases his undoing with the sound of her trying to catch her breath in his ear. She means everything to him. More than he can even describe. He can’t believe he had ever been so stupid to get so drunk on tour that he let complete strangers give him blow jobs without a second thought.

No one could ever love him the way Hyeri loves him. No one could ever make him feel as good as she does when he hits his climax and cums to the sound of her moaning in his ear. She’s the best thing that ever happened to him and he did the dumbest, most unforgivable things in his mind while on tour.

He holds her tight, cradling her head and holding her against his body. He tries to catch his breath but he suddenly finds himself trying to hold back tears. He’s never loved someone like this in his life and no one has ever shown him the level of unconditional love that Hyeri shows him.

He slowly pulls out of her but keeps his hold on her body. She softly kisses his neck giving him a warm yet guilty feeling.

“I love you,” Yoongi says. He wishes he could say more but if he opens his mouth again he may lose the fight against his guilty tears. All he can do is continue holding on to her as if she would disappear forever if he let go. She means the world to him but he’s convinced he’s a piece of shit. He knows he’s a piece of shit.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 11: Out of Sight

After making breakfast and unconvincingly telling Hyeri that he’s ok, Yoongi slept through most of the day. Any time there was a noise, Hyeri was sure he’d wake up, but he stayed knocked out sprawled across the bed.

In the meantime, Hyeri had been monitoring the chatter surrounding her unauthorized statement that, even after her meeting earlier, she refuses to take down. It’s out there now and it wouldn’t make a difference at this point if she took it down. Everyone deserves to know the truth, and she should be free from living a lie that she didn’t agree to in the first place.

Yet still, she lies to herself that she’s ok. She lies to herself that after a little time things between her and Yoongi will be just as before. That maybe he’ll sweep her off of her feet with the grandest apology and make it alright. She truly wishes everything would be alright.

There’s no denying that Yoongi has done everything he can think of to cater to Hyeri’s every need even when she hasn’t expressed needing or wanting anything at all. He makes her meals, addresses any pain or wounds she has, and massages her from head to toe to keep her relaxed and loose.

Though she still struggles to trust him, she also does everything she can for him. She broke him and regardless of what he’s done, she still feels partially responsible. The guilt she carries is strong every time she thinks of his rapid downward spiral he went through on tour. She can’t even bring herself to look at pictures of him from during the tour. She can hardly look at him now, and that’s why she’s been taking care of him as best she can.

If he makes breakfast, she makes dinner. If he tells her she should get some sleep, she drags him to bed as well telling him he needs the same. If he runs her a bubble bath, she’ll take care of his skin routine since he doesn’t actually have one aside from simple face wash and water. He saves her the last bottle of juice and she saves him the last bit of meat from whatever dinner they have that night.

For an entire week they go back and forth taking care of each other out of guilt, but not talking. No one asks how their day was because neither of them have gone anywhere all week. Hyeri hasn’t tried taking any new work yet, and the guys basically threatened Yoongi to stay away from the office completely or they would have no choice but to reveal everything to management. They want him to stay home and away from possible temptations. They want him to get clean and stay that way for a bit.

Neither of them know what to say to each other. Other than small talk during meals, it’s mostly silent. It’s killing Hyeri so much that she finally decides she’s going to simply try to act as if nothing happened. Yoongi isn’t going to do it first because he still feels it’s what he deserves. He still feels he doesn’t even deserve her to be there caring for him each day. He wasn’t lying when he said her love is torturous.

It’s an uneventful Monday evening. Yoongi made breakfast, Hyeri bought lunch. Now they sit at the table having dinner made by Yoongi. A simple stir fried chicken dish he made up while experimenting in the kitchen one day. Something Hyeri has always loved since the day he concocted it.

“Thank you,” Hyeri says after they’ve spent 10 minutes in painful silence at the table.

“Hm?” Yoongi asks.

“For making dinner,” she says. She’s wanting to try to make things seem “normal” and she hopes it works. “Thank you.”

“Oh,” he says a little surprised by her sudden gratitude. “It’s no problem. You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes I do,” she says. “You’re always cooking for me and taking care of me. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re always taking care of me too, so thanks for that.”

“I’ll always take care of you,” she smiles. “In other news…I got asked to play a part in another drama.”

“Really?” He asks perking up.

“Yeah, I guess my career isn’t over after all,” she jokes. “I’m going to go discuss it with JJS tomorrow. My manager offered to drive me, but I don’t know. I think I may just ride the bus instead.”

“What? Why?” He asks not liking the idea of her on public transportation without any protection.

“It would be easier,” she shrugs. “No one has to inconvenience themselves to take me there.”

“You wouldn’t be inconveniencing me,” he says a little hurt but fully understanding of why she didn’t ask him first. “I can take you so you won’t be on the bus alone.”

“The bus isn’t bad-“

“It’s not safe for you. There’s no telling who could be on the bus waiting for the chance to attack you.”

“Babe, it’s fine. Who would be trying to attack me?”

Yoongi is frozen in silence. It’s been a while since she’s called him “babe” like that. Hearing it now as it leaves her tongue so casually has him struggling to keep it together. Once again he feels tortured. Even though he’s told her everything, she still cares enough to call him babe. The way she smiles at him is a smile he hasn’t seen her crack since before he went on tour. So he tries to force one back at her.

“Last I checked,” he says putting his chopsticks down. “You’re still the talk of the town for more reasons than one. Taking the bus is a gamble. I’ll drive you there tomorrow. I’m not doing anything anyways.”

“You sure it won’t be a problem?” She asks.

“Of course not,” he says almost smiling for real now. “It’s the least I can do for you until I buy you a new car.”

“What?” She asks surprised. “Yoongi, no. You’re not going to buy me a new car.”

“You need one don’t you? I owe it to you.”

“You don’t owe me a car, Yoongi. You’re not the one who crashed it.”

“But I’m the reason you were out at that time, right?” Buying her a car is nothing. He’d buy her Mars and it still wouldn’t feel like enough to make up for everything he’s done.

“I’m the reason I was out at that time. I knew I had no business driving but I did it anyway. Don’t blame yourself.”

“You keep telling me not to blame myself for things when I know I’m at fault for a lot.”

“Stop.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I mean it. I know I hurt you much more than you hurt me. I have a lot of making up to do, but you can’t tell me I shouldn’t blame myself for anything when I’m the reason for everything.”

“You’re not the reason for everything and I want you to stop thinking that.”

“Then what will you let me blame myself for?”

“Being stupid.”

“That’s it?” He asks feeling so much more guilty.

“Yeah,” she nods. “You’re at fault for being very fucking stupid.”

Of course that’s not all, but she’s so tired of this standoff of guilt that they’ve been in that she’d rather not get into the many ways that he’s at fault for a lot and simply try to move forward and rebuild the bond they had before. Honestly she misses it. She misses it so much that she cries in the shower every night wishing things would get better. She’s sick of crying.

“Come on, Hyeri,” he says knowing she’s lying.

“I mean it,” she says quickly.

“You think I believe that? You think I believe that that’s the only thing that bothers you? That I’m stupid?”

“Very fucking stupid,” she reiterates.

“Wow….Na Hyeri you are…unbelievable.”

“What?” She tilts her head.

“You are incredible,” he chuckles shaking his head. “The most extraordinary person I’ve ever met. You’re full of shit, but still so amazing.”

“Is that a compliment?” She asks faking confusion. She knows what he means. She knows he can see through her, but she knows he knows she’s going to continue playing until he plays along.

“I’m just in awe at how someone as stupid as me gets to be in the presence of someone as wonderful as you,” he smiles. He’ll play along. He always does. He’s weak to the face she makes when she desperately wants to move to another subject.

“Now you’re just talking nonsense,” she laughs.

That laugh fills him with a bright glow that he hasn’t felt in so long. The way her eyes pinch closed in amusement makes him feel so warm. He doesn’t think he deserves her at all, but dammit, he loves her so much.

“How about this,” he says taking her hand from across the table. “I’ll get you a rental car. Keep it however long you want, and I’ll take care of everything. Let me at least do this for being so fucking stupid.”

“I’ll allow it,” she smiles.

She allowed him to take her to the JJS building the next morning so she can discuss the terms of her new drama offer. He tells her he’ll be out and about until she’s done, then he’ll pick her up and take her to choose a rental since she still declined having him buy her a car when he brought it up again that morning.

He takes a drive around the city with no destination in mind. He hasn’t been out much since the tour ended, so it feels nice to see the sunlight. Actually, this is the first time he’s felt like he wasn’t being held in some sort of prison. Once the members started to catch wind of his drinking during the tour, he’s been under a microscope. Even now, they still won’t allow him to return to the office or his studio until he proves that he’s stopped drinking and won’t get into trouble.

He gets it, but at the same time it seems like too much to him. He’s been wanting to work on some music, and though he has some equipment at home, he wants to use everything in his studio that helps make his music come out the way he wants. Right now, the guys agreed that he has to wait until Friday to prove sobriety. As much as he wanted to argue with those terms, he couldn’t. They got Hyeri in on it and truthfully, he can’t deny that his drinking got out of control. It literally fucked everything up, so he’s not mad at all. But he really wants to work on his music. He needs his creative release.

Hyeri accepted a supporting role in a 3 part miniseries as her first job since her accident and unauthorized admission to not being in a relationship with Kihyun. They made it seem as if she was on some sort of probation which is why she’s getting a supporting role instead of a lead role. Her drama had high viewership and great ratings. She knows they’re only trying to punish her for making a statement without consulting them first. They had an entire plot planned out and her impromptu confession threw it all off the rails. It has nothing to do with the truth and everything to do with pumping lies out for views. She’s trying to give them a chance to prove that they’re not as terrible as they’ve made themselves out to be so far, but they’re making it hard.

Still, she takes the role and receives the shooting schedule that starts in two weeks and carries on for a little over a month. She agrees to not cause any more trouble, though she feels what she did wasn’t the troublesome thing of the whole situation.

When she’s done, Yoongi comes back around to pick her up. She gets in the car and she can immediately tell something is off. Yoongi seems nervous for some reason, though he tells her he’s fine. Hyeri starts to worry that he may have gotten a drink or something while he was waiting for her.

She asks him what he was doing that whole time and he simply says he was just driving around. She can’t smell alcohol on him which is a relief, so she lets it go for now.

Yoongi wasn’t lying, but he found something in the center console of his car that he had forgotten all about. A small bottle of whisky he had placed in there some time ago. It was a gift and he only put it in the center console when he went out somewhere else before going home that same day. He meant to take it out when he got home but he had forgotten all about it.

He rediscovered the bottle while waiting for Hyeri and so many emotions came flooding through his mind. Resistance was easy at first. He hadn’t drank anything since that disastrous night at the restaurant so there wasn’t an urge for him to indulge. That night was horrible.

Then he started thinking about everything he had done while drunk out of his mind. Everything he could and couldn’t remember came flashing by. Everything that hurt Hyeri was sitting in the front of his mind urging him to ease the burn with just a little sip. The guilt of how she’s still so good to him makes him want to drink the feeling away. He can’t understand why she hasn’t knocked his head off by now. He told her to hate him but she won’t. The torturous guilt is strong and all he wants is just a little sip. However, Hyeri messaged him letting him know she was done. That saved him from caving, but the bottle remains in his car hidden and sealed.

Yoongi carries on taking Hyeri to choose a rental car until she buys a new one. She wanted something similar to her simple navy blue 4-door sedan, but Yoongi insisted on something with more safety features. If he ever has to hear that she was in an accident again he wants to be confident that the car she’s in will keep her as safe as possible.

After compromising and choosing a small black suv, Hyeri offered to pick up lunch and meet Yoongi back home. He tried to take on the task himself, but she insisted. Told him to go home and she’ll be there soon. She’s sweet.

She’s so sweet that Yoongi’s guilt is growing each second as he’s on his way home. He parks his car and sits for a moment. One sip can’t hurt. Just enough to keep his guilt from taking him over completely. One small sip.

He opens the center console and stares at the unopened bottle. It’s like he’s in a standoff with the smoky beverage that’s staring back up at him. It would certainly help ease his mind, but at the same time it’s the reason why he’s in the shit he’s in now. He can’t do this again. If she didn’t leave before, he’s not going to give her another reason to leave. He doesn’t feel he deserves her love, but he still loves her more than anything and he would be devastated if he woke up one day and she was gone.

He shuts the center console and quickly exits his car as if the bottle would suddenly grow legs and chase him. He swiftly heads up to his apartment and breathes a sigh of relief. That was much harder than it should have been. He gets himself a drink of water and sighs. He wishes he’d never found that bottle.

Hyeri returns with lunch and Yoongi feels proud that he was able to resist temptation. Having a meal with her without it being painfully silent is worth it. Being able to do so without guilt is even better.

Yoongi gets through the remainder of the week without thinking of the bottle in his car. He doesn’t think of drinking anything. He and Hyeri have gotten closer again so he sees no need to have a drink. Once the guys see that he’s remained alcohol free they allow him to return to the studio.

The first day he was in the studio he spent the entire time perfecting a few things he had written at home. Mostly songs that explore everything he’s gone through with Hyeri. Those are the only songs he could bring himself to write lately. It’s the only thing that’s been on his mind.

Of course he couldn’t resist checking every square inch of his studio to see if Namjoon really threw everything away. Yoongi doesn’t know how, but Namjoon found everything. He found the small bottles in his desk drawer, the one next to his keyboards, the one on his shelf that was mostly hidden by books. Namjoon even took the bottles Yoongi had no intention of ever drinking. The ones in beautifully crafted bottles that are one of a kind. They served as more of decoration and Namjoon knew that, but he wasn’t going to take any chances.

Being back in the studio seemed fine at first. He works hard as he always does, but as the days pass he starts to miss that one little thing that he would normally have to boost his creativity and fuel him. A small glass of whiskey he’d pour himself and sip while working. He doesn’t have that. All of his drinks are gone.

Except the one in his car.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 10: Love & Hate

Jin happened to be at the studio and offered to drive Yoongi to the group’s end of tour dinner. Yoongi was going to decline at first, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to drive. He had been in his studio drinking all day and he knew he wouldn’t be any good to drive. With that in his mind, he didn’t hold back. If he was still fucked up at the end of dinner he’d just sleep in his studio.

He packed a few discreet flasks of alcohol. The plastic ones people use to sneak alcohol on flights and cruises. He had 4 of them hidden in various pockets. Before meeting Jin at his car, Yoongi had a few drinks to “get started” despite the fact that he had already been drinking all day.

By the time they arrived at the bbq restaurant, he was already struggling to keep his vision clear. He kept cool at first, in a way giving everyone a false sense of security. He knew they were watching him closely so he didn’t want to make them suspicious. Once everyone had a bit of food on their plates and were indulging in the tender meats and fresh sides, Yoongi saw his chance to sneak a drink. He managed to stealthily drink most of his glass of water then replace it with tequila from one of his hidden flasks. He was smart enough to only bring clear liquors because he already knew he would be under a microscope the whole night.

His condition quickly declined and he eventually found himself unable to function. At first no one noticed, but then he started slumping over in his seat.

“Hyung!” Taehyung who’s sitting next to Yoongi catches his head before it bounced of the table. “Are you ok?”

“Shit,” Namjoon sighs.

“Hyung!” Hoseok, whos on the other side of Yoongi tries to tap his cheeks a bit to snap him out of it. “What did you have?”

Yoongi mumbles incoherently then giggles. He’s in another world and right now he loves it. He’s not himself, just as he wanted. Once again his goal was to be someone else. Someone who isn’t filled with so much pain and guilt. Someone Hyeri would hate so she would make it easier for him. He starts to see nothing and occasionally he can hear the voices of the members.

“Dammit hyung!”

“Are you ok?”

“Wake up!”

Yoongi tells them he’s fine. However to everyone else they only heard babbling. Everyone begins to really worry. They were hoping they could get through this dinner then the next day they planned to all plead for Yoongi to get help. They were going to explain everything to Hyeri hoping they can all band together and convince Yoongi to stop his self destructive behavior. He only needed to get through one more night.

Yoongi has no sense of reality anymore. Everything around him is spinning so fast that it looks like another world to him. He can hear voices but he doesn’t know what they’re saying. He can see light, but he can’t really see a thing.

“We need to get him out of here,” Namjoon says.

“I’ll drive him home,” Jin says. “Someone help me get him to the car.”

Jin and Namjoon help get Yoongi to Jin’s car while the others stay behind to take care of the bill. The two lay Yoongi in the backseat then look at each other with worried faces.

“Will you be ok?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah,” Jin says unconvincingly. “If I can’t get him home then I’ll just crack the windows a bit and let him sleep in the car.”

“Be careful.”

Jin nods and gets in his car. Yoongi hasn’t moved but he’s still mumbling nonsense. Jin starts driving hoping Yoongi stays in place and doesn’t try to do anything crazy.

The entire drive is nerve racking for Jin. He’s trying to drive carefully while also making sure Yoongi is still alive. He doesn’t want to bring this drunken mess to Hyeri, but it’s all he can do. He calls her once they arrive asking her to come help. He can hear the panic in her voice and it crushes him.

Yoongi isn’t sure where he is. He’s sure he’s with Jin, but that’s about it. It hasn’t even registered to him that he’s laid out in the back of Jin’s car.

“I hope she hates me now,” Yoongi mumbles.

“Why?” Jin asks from the front seat still waiting for Hyeri to come down.

“I’m a fuck up.”

Yoongi keeps talking and talking not knowing that Hyeri has arrived and she and Jin are trying to carry him home. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying, but of course that doesn’t stop him.

He’s hurting deep down inside. He’s been hurting a while now but he’s too far gone to save himself. He isn’t sure he wants to be saved. He’s a terrible person who did things out of hurt that causes hurt for the one he loves most. In his mind he deserves nothing for doing that. He feels he deserves this self destructive decent into misery for all of the things he’s done on tour. He knows she doesn’t know, but it doesn’t change the insurmountable guilt that plagues him.

He drank to escape the hurt. He drank to forget. Now he drinks to feel the hurt. He drinks to torture himself. Because that’s what he feels he deserves. He hates himself so much and he can’t seem to fathom why Hyeri would continue loving him.

Hyeri can’t fathom it either. She just listened to Yoongi tell her a lot and she can’t even get details or clarification for any of it because he’s so drunk that he still hasn’t realized he’s at home with her and not with Jin.

She’s upset that she’s the start of this all. She’s upset that her inaction sent him down this path. She’s upset that he seems to have gotten blowjobs from multiple people during the tour. She’s upset that he even took it that far. She’s upset that he keeps saying he hates himself, because that breaks her heart. She’s upset that she’s mad but still wants to curl up next to him.

“I fucked up…” Yoongi mumbles.

Hyeri is looking down at him with tears steadily flowing down her cheeks. She hates him. She loves him. She hates who he’s become. She loves him so fucking much.

When it seems Yoongi has finally fallen asleep, Hyeri goes out to the kitchen for a drink of water. She leans against the counter and throws her head back with a pained sigh. Everything in her hurts. Everything burns. Her tears leave a trail of pain down her face and she can’t take it.

She opens the cabinet where they keep the liquor and she takes a bottle and pours the entire thing down the drain. She grabs another bottle and does the same. She continues crying and pouring bottle after bottle down the drain until there’s no alcohol left in the kitchen.

She takes a moment to get another drink of water and then she’s back at it again. She knows he’s hiding things, so she goes into the bedroom and searches everything. Every pocket in his clothes is searched. Every shoe is shaken out. Every bag, suitcase, and pouch gets fully searched. She finds a total of 10 more drinks hiding in his clothes and bags that she promptly dumps out.

She returns to him still passed out in bed and she inspects him fully. She finds all of his hidden flasks, but of course they’re all empty. She storms out to toss the flasks in the trash and then collapses in tears on the kitchen floor. She’s worn out.

Yoongi is no stranger to hangovers. This one is on another level though. He doesn’t normally drink tequila for an entire night, but he did and remembers why he doesn’t normally do that. He tries to get up to figure out where he is but he can’t seem to do so easily. He can’t even remember anything from yesterday. Not just last night, but the entire day is a blur to him.

He manages to roll himself off the bed and step into the bathroom. He isn’t sure how he got here. From what he can see through his blurry vision, he looks a complete mess. Typical.

He shuffles out to the kitchen to grab something to cure his hangover and notices the place in a bit of disarray. Cabinets are wide open and the sink is filled with empty bottles. He looks closer and notices those are all the bottles of alcohol he had. He rubs his head trying to force himself to remember what happened last night but all his head does is hurt.

He gets some medicine and grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge to wash it down with. Every drink he had in there is gone. Even the mixers that didn’t have alcohol in them at all.

He begins inspecting everything in the kitchen closer. He doesn’t need to pull the pipes apart to know all of his alcohol went down the drain. Some of the bottles are in the trash and he sees one that appears to have shattered. With the broken shards he can see what looks like a little blood. He really wishes he could remember something.

He looks himself over but can’t find any cuts on himself. That could only mean that’s someone else’s blood. Hyeri’s blood. He feels his heart drop as he rushes out of the kitchen to find her. She wasn’t in bed but he hadn’t really looked.

He goes into their bathroom and finds nothing. He goes back out and checks the kitchen closer, but she’s not there either. He starts to panic as he continues to the guest bedroom. When he opens the door he finds her laying in the bed. She’s already awake but she’s only staring at the ceiling.

“Hyeri?” Yoongi croaks through his dry and sore throat.

She turns her head and looks at him. He looks fucking awful. She stays silent then turns her gaze back to the ceiling.

“Are you hurt?” He asks hoping the blood he saw was only from a minor accident and she’s not laying there with a missing finger or something.

“Am I hurt?” She whispers wondering where he found the audacity to ask her that. “Do you think I’m hurt?”

“I-I don’t know,” he says concerned by her tone. “I saw some blood so…I wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

“How was your dinner last night?”

“It was-“

“Do you even remember?” She snaps.

“I’m sorry,” he says realizing whatever he did last night it involved upsetting her somehow.

“What are you sorry for, Yoongi?” She glares at him daring him to lie.

“I don’t really remember anything from last night,” he says hanging his head. “So I’m sorry for anything I may have done that upset you.”

“Is this what you were doing while you were ignoring me during the tour? Drinking until you can barely function?”

“I’m sorry-“

“For what?!” She shouts sitting up. She wants it to come from his sober mouth. She wants to see if he’ll come clean or lie about it.

“Hyeri…” he sits next to her still hanging his head. Not telling her everything would certainly be easier than lying. But clearly something happened last night. Something that hurt her enough to dump all of his drinks, sleep in the guest room, and try to hide the large bandage on the inside of her palm.

“What are you sorry for?” She asks again crossing her arms.

“For not being good enough for you,” he sighs. “I’m sorry for becoming this person that I don’t even recognize. I’m sorry for ignoring you during the tour. I’m sorry I’m too weak to face these feelings and instead I tried to drink them away. I’m sorry for blaming you and telling you that you were fucking me up. I was so hurt that I wanted to try making you hate me so being mad at you wouldn’t be as painful. But it only hurt more.” He looks at her not trying to hide the tears that are starting to overflow. He hates who he’s become, but he can’t lie to her any longer. Each day that he does he feels part of him die and he can’t take it anymore.

“I know I hurt you,” she says trying to block her own tears. “I apologized over and over even though you wouldn’t answer me. I know I should have fought harder. I should have trusted you-“

“No,” he interrupts shaking his head. Her trusting him is the last thing he wants right now. The guilt is too great. “I’m not...” He takes a deep breath. “You shouldn’t trust me. You shouldn’t even love me but you kept telling me you do. Why?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because I’m no good for you. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I fucked it up.” He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then looks her in the eyes with his lips trembling. “I drank until I felt like someone else. I snuck out to random bars and got….I got my dick sucked by people I don’t even remember. I drank until I became someone who wanted revenge because I didn’t want to hurt you. But it’s all the fucking same.” He puts his head in his hands and tries to control his sobs. “Your love is torturous because I want you to hate me so bad. Hate me, Na Hyeri. Save yourself the pain and just fucking hate me.”

“Yoongi,” Hyeri chokes trying to hold back tears. “You piece of shit. You piece of fucking shit!!”

“I know,” he nods.

“Fuck you!” She throws a pillow at him taking him by surprise. “For someone so smart, you are so fucking dumb!”

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“Stop agreeing with me you asshole!”

He looks at her frozen in place. He’s seen her upset before but definitely not like this. Usually she cries when she’s upset regardless of the reason. She’s certainly never yelled at him like this, especially not with the additional expletives and snarky tone. But he nods along feeling he deserves everything she throws at him and more.

“I fought for us! I finally found my voice and fought and you come back to tell me this shit?! Fuck you for being a piece of shit, and fuck me for still loving you.”

“What?” Yoongi asks feeling even more tortured.

“I should have left when you told me to. I should have packed my shit and let you come back to an empty home.” Tears start escaping her eyes and she can’t stop them. She’s angry at him for everything, angry at her cowardice for starting it all, and angry at her heart for still wanting to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything will be ok.

“I’m sorry, Hyeri.”

“Fuck you.”

“I find my soulmate and then find a way to fuck it all up. You don’t deserve any of my shit. You could be with someone who makes you happy instead of someone who hurts you like this. I’m so sorry.”

“Fuck you!” She repeats. “You’re not sorry! You made the choice to drink too much! You wanted to be someone else and hurt me, right? Well congratulations, you succeeded!”

“Hyeri-“

“I found all of your shit! All of the hidden bottles and flasks you had everywhere. I asked Namjoon to check your studio and dump anything you had in there too.” She hits him with the pillow again out of frustration. “He also told me more about your stolen money, what the fuck?! The Yoongi I know would never be so fucking stupid!! You think I’m torturing you by loving you? Do you think of how much torture I have to endure knowing there’s nothing I can do about how much I love you?! Fuck you!”

Yoongi breaks at her words. He can’t speak. His head already hurts and now it hurts more. All he can do is sob into his hands. Every blurry night is spilling out of him through his tears. He hates himself so much. He’s disgusted with himself for doing anything that would hurt her.

Hyeri wishes she could simply say she’s done with him but she loves him much too hard and deeply. She wasn’t sure how this conversation would go, but to hear him admit his wrongdoings then sob into his hands like a pitiful man breaks her so much.

He continues babbling apologies to her and vowing to make it up to her. He praises her for standing up for herself against her company. He tells her she’s clearly the stronger one because all he did was drink his pain away until he did things that caused more pain. He’s nearly down on his knees asking for forgiveness but also begging her to hate him because he doesn’t deserve her love.

“Shut the fuck up!” She finally snaps. She slides out of bed and stands up. “I don’t want to hear you cry about being a piece of shit. I don’t want to hear you beating yourself down and telling me how I should feel about you. Maybe you should pull your head out and start worrying about what you’re going to do now. Are you going to keep being a piece of shit until I completely hate you like you want me to?”

He looks at her silently not knowing what to say. He doesn’t want her to hate him, he just feels like she should. What he really wants is to hold her, wipe her tears, and fix the bandage on her hand that looks like she sloppily slapped it on. Instead he just watches as she huffs in frustration and walks out of the room.

He hangs his head cursing himself over and over again. She’s never been this upset with him. Mild mannered, easy going Hyeri has never raised her voice at him like that. It actually scares him a little.

He can hear the sound of glass rattling around in the kitchen. He waits a second then decides to go see what she’s doing. She’s at the sink rinsing out the remaining empty liquor bottles and tossing them in the trash.

Hyeri accidentally cut herself on a bottle last night when it shattered in the sink. She wanted to finish cleaning everything up but fell asleep after throwing a bandage on. Because of that she’s trying to be more careful with the glass bottles. Especially since she isn’t sure she got all of the glass shards cleaned up.

Yoongi slowly approaches her watching her carefully. The amount of bottles in the sink is embarrassing. She shouldn’t even be the one cleaning all of this, he’s the one that made a mess of everything. He gently takes her hand with the bandage barely hanging on and stops her.

“I’ll take care of this,” he says removing the bandage and revealing a cut about an inch and a half long.

Hyeri doesn’t speak, she just quietly allows Yoongi to wet a towel and clean her hand up. He walks her to the bathroom and neatly bandages her hand. He encourages her to get some rest and he’ll clean the mess in the kitchen. He knows he should be resting too considering how badly his head is throbbing, but he’ll endure the pain because he feels he should. He goes into the kitchen and quietly cleans up the remainder of the empty bottles and broken glass.

Hyeri stays in the bedroom a little while fighting her feelings. She hadn’t realized just how much she missed his gentle touch and caretaking nature. She’s pissed at him for making her love and hate him so much at the same time. She wants to kiss him, she misses his kiss so much. She wants to slap him so hard that he goes flying backwards into the wall.

She thinks maybe she should stay somewhere else for a few days. Aside from her time in the hospital after her accident, she hasn’t stayed anywhere else but the home she shares with the man she no longer recognizes. It could benefit her to get away to try sorting her feelings out. But she has no car and no one that she could get to drive her without her having to explain the entire situation. She’s stuck, but then again maybe it’s not that bad.

She goes back out into the kitchen to find Yoongi has finished cleaning up and now he’s making breakfast. He can hardly see with his burning hangover that makes it hard for him to even handle the sunlight, but right now his priority is Hyeri.

The only thing on his mind is how he gave her every reason to leave, but she still sat there and told him that despite it all she still loves him. He doesn’t feel he deserves her love, not one bit. However, he’s grateful that she’s still here and he’ll do whatever he can to not make her regret it. He doesn’t know what he did in his past life to be granted such fortune, but he’s not about to waste it.

Through the pain and heartache, Hyeri still partially blames herself. She didn’t stand up for herself. Twice. And let a lie grow into something that caused the love of her life so much pain. She regrets not saying anything to Yoongi at first. She thought bringing it up would distract him, but clearly not bringing it up had the most extreme opposite effect. She feels responsible for every photo and video out there showing him on stage at his worst.

She wants to take care of him as much as he’s trying to take care of her. She can tell he’s having a hard time just staying standing, but he insists he’s fine. She knows he’s lying. He’s always lying about being ok. He lies about anything that he thinks would worry her, and she knows it. But he didn’t lie about what he’d done on tour when she was almost certain he would. She loves and hates him so much.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 9: Gone

The entire flight back to Korea was nerve racking for Yoongi. He wanted to drink to ease his nerves, but he didn’t want to get home and have Hyeri see him drunk. He can’t face her like that. He doesn’t think he can face her at all.

It’s a short flight that felt too long to him. The entire process of getting his luggage and getting into the waiting car felt like it took years. The ride home felt like a burning knife was twisting inside of him.

His steps to the elevator up to his apartment are heavy and once he gets to the door he pauses. He can’t face her. A flash of all of the shit he had done out of hurt is weighing heavy. How is he supposed to face her? What is he supposed to say to her?

He finally turns the handle and steps inside. He slowly makes his way towards the bedroom with his luggage in tow. The place is silent. He doesn’t see her in the living room or the kitchen. When he gets to the bedroom he sees nothing. He leaves his luggage near the bed and goes into the bathroom. Again he sees nothing. Wherever she is, she’s not here.

He stands in the middle of the room wondering what he’s supposed to do with himself now. She’s gone. She’s fucking gone.

“Fuck,” he sighs heavily.

He goes into the kitchen partially hoping that maybe he missed her, but he didn’t. She’s not in the kitchen. He goes into his liquor cabinet and finds his collection has been untouched. He grabs a bottle of whiskey and a glass and pours himself a drink. He takes a sip and shakes his head.

“I fucking deserve it,” he says to himself. He takes down the rest of the drink and pours himself another as tears start to roll down his cheeks. “I’m a fucking idiot. I fucking deserve it. I don’t deserve her. I don’t fucking deserve anything!”

He slams his fist on the counter and sucks down his drink. He pours another though he can hardly see through his tears. He curses himself some more while letting his tears flow at full force. He fucked up and he knows it. He can’t even blame her. She tried and tried but he pushed her further away, and he can’t even think of all of the things he had done while on tour. He takes down his drink that’s now diluted with his tears.

“Yoongi?”

He looks up and through his tears he can see Hyeri standing there looking not much better than he does. Her eyes are red and puffy and her hair is pulled into a sloppy ponytail. She looks distraught and his heart is shattered. He quickly steps to her and holds her tightly in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” she cries returning his squeeze. “I’m so fucking sorry, Yoongi.”

He’s crying so hard that he can’t even speak. He feels relieved to see her, but so fucking guilty. He squeezes her tighter letting out a small sob.

“I did what I could,” she cries into his chest. “I had to make it right. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Hyeri,” Yoongi chokes out. “You deserve so much better than me.”

“Don’t say that!” She squeezes tighter ignoring how strong the alcohol on his breath is.

“I mean it,” he sobs. “I’m no fucking good for you. I just fuck things up.”

“Why are you blaming yourself? This is all my fault.” She takes a deep breath trying to control her voice. “I should have stood up for myself. For us. I should have realized how much this would hurt you. I should have fought back. So I finally did.”

“You did?”

“I did.” She sounds almost relieved. “I told them I wouldn’t go on with the lie any longer. I told them how much this has hurt me. I told them that I love you.”

“What?” He asks feeling even guiltier.

“I told them that I love you, Yoongi. I told them I wouldn’t lie about it anymore.”

“Hyeri,” he cries. “Fuck, I love you so much it fucking hurts. Why do you love me like this?”

“I won’t stop loving you.”

“You mean everything to me.” He’s clutching her as if his life depends on it. His vision is fogged and his mouth can’t utter another sound. He’s upset, but still he’s so damn happy to be home with her. He doesn’t want to let her go because she may never come back again.

She doesn’t mind because she doesn’t want to let him go either. He looks terrible, he smells like booze, and as she’s holding him she can tell he’s lost a bit of weight. It tears her up to see him like this.

“My Yoongi,” she cries. “What did I turn you into?”

Yoongi can only continue crying. She has no idea and he wants to keep it that way. He’s ashamed as it is having her walk in on him and see him after the few drinks he just had. She’s seen him drink. She’s seen him drunk. But she’s never seen him so far gone that he can’t remember anything the next day.

“Hyeri,” he whispers wiping tears from her cheeks. “The person I was during this tour is not me. I never want to be that person again. I want to be someone who is worthy of your love.”

“Don’t talk like that,” she snaps again. “I’m-I’m so sorry I hurt you to make you feel like that, but I’ll make it up to you everyday until I die.”

There’s a lot of tears and hurt between them. Many promises and plenty of guilt. They’re both broken. They wash themselves up in the shower while broken. They try to get each other to eat while broken. Yoongi has no idea how he’s going to get through tomorrow’s show while broken.

When they’ve calmed down a bit and can manage to talk to one another without getting emotional, they sit on the couch and Hyeri tells him about the meeting she had with her company. They weren’t very happy with her at all. She didn’t care though, she doubled down and stood her ground. She wasn’t dropped from the agency, but they warned her to not cause this type of trouble again.

She started to realize that maybe JJS isn’t all she thought they were when they went on about how they have to revise everything they planned to do when they were going to announce her and Kihyun’s split. She reiterated that telling the truth is better, but they only continued complaining.

Yoongi is understandably upset. He wants Hyeri to leave the company immediately. JJS has already caused too much pain and heartache between them. She’s better off starting her own company than staying with JJS, but she opts to give them another chance. She’s not happy about any of this, but she wants to at least give them a chance to redeem themselves.

The next day Yoongi wakes for rehearsal. He wishes he could say he feels rested and refreshed now that he’s able to sleep in his own bed, but it was anything but. He tossed and turned the entire night. He would be happy that Hyeri would still be next to him when he reached his arms out. Then he would get hit with guilt and roll back to his side of the bed.

The cycle continued a while. He got up for a drink of whiskey. Made sure Hyeri wouldn’t wake up and notice. Then he got back in the bed.

Hyeri couldn’t sleep either. She hasn’t slept much since Yoongi first left, but she thought with him back she’d sleep a bit easier now. She was wrong. Just like Yoongi, she couldn’t sleep for most of the night. Unlike Yoongi, she simply stayed in place. Anytime she can’t sleep she would always simply stay still with her eyes closed with the belief that it would make her fall asleep faster.

Yoongi knows this, but it didn’t occur to him that she would have been awake this night. She was. She didn’t move. She counted 4 times he wrapped his arms around her and then retreated. She heard endless sighs and groans from him. And she heard him get up to go into the kitchen.

She has no idea about how much he had been drinking on tour. The times she spoke to Namjoon, he told her Yoongi was having a hard time, but he never went into detail. She’s starting to see what he may have meant. Still, she’s not quite aware of the extent Yoongi’s drinking has gotten to.

At rehearsal Yoongi is not much better than he was any other time he showed up 3 drinks in. He told everyone that he and Hyeri talked and they’re going to try working things out. He didn’t go into detail or elaborate further. He left it at that. When they started rehearsing, the rest of the guys weren’t sure anything had been worked out.

Hyeri wanted to attend their concert, but she wasn’t sure Yoongi wanted her to. She decided to just wait for him to bring it up so she wouldn’t seem like she’s crossing the line or something. He never brought it up. He didn’t want to. He started drinking the moment he woke up, no way did he want her to see him like that.

Of course she managed to find someone streaming the show and she saw him anyway. She saw how hollow he seemed to be. He put on a great act, but she could see right through him. He’s not Yoongi and she feels responsible for it all.

She watches the show with tears running down her cheeks as she tries to think of a way to make everything better. She just wants to fix him. Fix everything she caused.

Yoongi had a few drinks through the show. He isn’t sure how many because he never keeps count, he just knows it was a lot. He managed to make it through the show, but not without a few choreo mistakes, some sharp looks from a frustrated Namjoon, and forced hydration from Jungkook.

Yoongi didn’t go straight home after the show. He stopped by his studio first. He didn’t need to, but he wanted to grab a few more drinks before going home. He needed a moment to himself. He knows he’s in bad shape and tonight’s show was a near disaster. He just wants to forget it.

He packs a few bottles into his bag then heads to his car. The drive home isn’t long but it’s agonizing. There’s so much going through his mind and all he wants is to numb it all completely. When he parks his car in the garage of his place, he pulls a bottle of soju out and quickly downs it. He’s not a big soju drinker, but it’s a good appetizer for the strawberry liquor he pulls out next. He drinks about half the bottle, wipes a rogue tear from his face, then takes a deep breath. He puts the half empty bottle back in his bag and gets out of the car where he disposes of the empty soju bottle.

He’s a little surprised to see Hyeri still awake when he gets inside. She’s lounging on the couch with the tv on but her eyes are on her phone. She thought he stayed behind to do a live with the guys, but when the notification came up on her phone she saw it was just Taehyung and Jimin. She waited a bit longer and realized Yoongi was most likely somewhere getting a drink. She decided to take pictures of all of his alcohol so she could track how much he drinks overtime.

She gets up to greet him as if she hadn’t spent most of the night crying. She gives him a hug and tries to go up for a kiss but he only pulls her in tighter and kisses her forehead. It’s the most painful forehead kiss to Hyeri. He’s been avoiding kissing her since he returned the day before. She didn’t understand why, but now she does. He doesn’t want to kiss her when he has alcohol on his breath. He doesn’t want her to know, but he doesn’t have to kiss her on the lips for her to smell it on him. She’s heartbroken.

He retreats to bed without saying much. She joins him and tries to get closer to him but he puts up a wall. He’s right next to her but she falls asleep feeling so lonely and entirely responsible.

As usual, Yoongi spends most of the next day in the studio. The guys have some rest time now that the tour is complete. He’s choosing to continue working so he can isolate himself while he drinks. He had a bit to drink before he left. Hyeri was still asleep so he indulged a bit then went to the studio.

The guys planned to have dinner together that night to celebrate the end of the tour and have one more get together before they all begin their vacation. Yoongi decided he would just stay in his studio until then and go to the restaurant straight from there.

When Hyeri woke up to an empty bed she already knew where he was. She also knew he wouldn’t have left without helping himself to a drink. She really wished she were wrong, but when she checked she noticed he had a bit of whiskey before he left. She’s disappointed but she also feels it’s all her fault.

She tries texting him, but his responses seem almost robotic. No matter how hard she tries to be humorous, he doesn’t respond the way she hoped he would. He at least tells her that he’ll be out with the members for dinner so she doesn’t need to wait up.

Of course she does wait up. There’s no way she wasn’t going to wait up for him. The sight of him breaks her heart and she’s taking responsibility for it. She helps herself to a glass of wine hoping it will make her feel less like shit and maybe make time go faster.

Of course it doesn’t do any of that. All it does is make her feel worse then puts her to sleep. She passed out on the couch still waiting for Yoongi.

About an hour later Hyeri wakes up to her phone ringing nonstop. She breaks out of her haze and sees that Jin is calling her.

“Na Hyeri!” Jin shouts as soon as she answers the phone. “I need your help! Hurry to the parking garage.”

“What?” She asks confused but concerned by his urgent tone. “Why? What happened?”

“I need help getting Yoongi upstairs. He’s too messed up and I can’t carry him alone.”

“What??” Hyeri jumps up and runs for the door. She knows it must be very bad when Jin can’t even carry Yoongi, who’s much smaller. “I’m coming down now!”

She rushes down the elevator as fast as it will take her and runs out to see Jin’s car parked right there by the door. He gets out of the driver side and opens the back door. Yoongi is laid across the backseat clearly heavily fucked up.

“What happened?” Hyeri asks in disbelief.

“It’s all my fault,” Yoongi slurs.

“I don’t know,” Jin responds. “We don’t know where he’s hiding these fucking drinks.” He grabs Yoongi’s arm and pulls him upright.

“I wish…” Yoongi mumbles slumping forward.

“Help me get him to bed,” Jin says.

They each grab an arm and try to pull him out of the car and to his feet. Yoongi leans into Jin’s chest trying to find some stability. Though she’s smaller, Hyeri tries her best to get Yoongi’s arm wrapped around her shoulder.

“Hyung,” Yoongi slurs as they slowly try to guide him inside. “She won’t hate…fuck me…”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you to bed,” Jin says.

“She won’t hate me, hyung!” Yoongi fusses. “I don’t deserve….fuckkkkk”

“What?”Hyeri says completely confused.

Jin says nothing and continues trying to keep Yoongi upright as they wait for the elevator. Hyeri isn’t sure what’s going on. She’s never seen him this bad, and now she’s curious to find out what the hell he’s talking about. They get Yoongi on the elevator and up to their floor. Hyeri rushes to get the door open and helps Jin usher Yoongi to the bed.

“How did he get like this? And…what is he even talking about?” Hyeri asks.

“I don’t know,” Jin shakes his head. “He seemed fine at first, then suddenly he was out of it.”

“She’s supposed to hate me,” Yoongi mumbles. “I hate me.”

Hyeri looks in shock. “What happened during the tour?” She asks.

“Honestly?” Jin asks about to hit her with bluntness. “You happened. He started drinking more and more and none of us could seem to catch him or stop him.”

“Why, hyung?” Yoongi mumbles.

“Are you going to be ok with him alone?”

Hyeri looks Yoongi over. She may not be ok if he tries to get up, but she doesn’t want to keep Jin. As long as Yoongi stays in the bed she feels she may be ok.

“Yeah,” Hyeri nods. “He’s in bed now so maybe he’ll just fall asleep.”

“Ok,” Jin nods. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Jin. I’ll keep you posted.”

Jin leaves and Hyeri is left standing next to Yoongi in the bed. His head is slowly rolling back and forth and hes still mumbling. Most of it is incoherent nonsense, but then he’ll say something else that makes her stop and listen for more.

“I don’t want to be me,” he slurs. “Hyung, I don’t remember….I don’t remember their names.”

“Yoongi,” Hyeri says softly hoping she can get through to him and get him to explain what he’s talking about.

“She never left my fuckingggggg….hyung….fuck I love her…”

“Yoongi?” She asks desperately trying to make sense of his drunken words.

“She shouldn’t love me….I’m so sorry.” He begins to sob but continues babbling through his tears. “I didn’t want to be me but I regretted it every fucking morning when I woke up a shitty fucking loser…I fucked everything up.”

“Yoongi, please.”

“She hurt me so bad but I never want to hurt her…do you know, hyung? Do you know after all of that, none of them were as good as she is. Not even close. I don’t even remember, hyung! It was just another night with another blowjob!”

“What??”

“What have I done?” He cries uncontrollably. “I didn’t want to hurt. Fuck!”

“Did you fuck someone else on tour?!” She knows he’s drunk and has no idea where he is or what he’s saying, but she couldn’t stop her outburst.

“No!!” Yoongi shouts. “Blowjobs, hyung! I just took it if they offered I’m fucking terrible!” He cries more.

“You…?” Hyeri is stunned and unsure how to feel. She isn’t even sure she’s hearing this right. “You got blowjobs from other people?!”

“The last one took my fucking money! My fucking Black card!” He shouts rolling to his side. “She deserves so much better than a piece of shit like me.”

“You really believe that?” She’s trying to hold back tears, but she really doesn’t know what she feels right now. “You believe that you’re such a terrible person that you decided to just become one?”

“I love her so fucking much, hyung, but she hurt me! More than once! I fucked it all up! I fucked….everythingggggg….fucccckkkkk!”

Hyeri can’t even speak anymore. This is all too much for her. He’s said a lot of things and she needs a moment to process it all. Tears fill her eyes as she looks down at this drunken mess who she no longer recognizes.

“Don’t tell her, hyung,” he cries into the pillow. “It would hurt her too much.”

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 8: Caught in a Lie

Hyeri wakes up for what she thinks is the 5th time today with a throbbing headache. Her neck is sore from the whiplash the air bag caused and she’s starting to feel sore in other areas she hadn’t realized were hurt at first. She needs to get up to take another dose of medicine but she can’t find the strength.

When she was falling asleep behind the wheel, she was also accelerating. She hadn’t realized that she actually slept through two stoplights before she was going so fast that her car was going well above the speed limit. When her car hit the curb, she went flying into the stoplight pole at such a force that the pole was nearly knocked over and the front of her car was almost completely crushed in.

After her accident she blacked out a few times. She stayed in the hospital for two days until her parents could come up from Gwangju and take her home.

The accident left her with a mild concussion, bruises on her face, neck, shoulders, and chest, as well as cuts on her face and hands, a few requiring stitches. Her car is totaled but she’s glad she didn’t come out with any more serious injuries. She could have been discharged within 24 hours from the hospital, but she had no one to take her home. Her manager offered but she also needed someone to stay with her while she recovers at home. She opted to stay in the hospital longer and wait for her parents to come.

It worked out though, because tabloids followed her manager’s car thinking she went home with him the day she was discharged. By the time they realized she wasn’t with him, Hyeri had already quickly and quietly left with her parents.

Since then she’s been at home being cared for by her parents. They stay in the guest room they usually stay in when they come visit. They make sure Hyeri takes her medicines and she eats well. Her mother helps wash her and shampoo her hair, and her father makes sure she gets any and everything she needs whether it be a can of soup or a special edition neck massager with a few extra features than the one she already has.

She’d been wanting to talk to Yoongi or at least reach out, but she can’t bring herself to do so. Instead she continues following their tour as they make their way to London. Every appearance she can see that he’s not doing any better than when she watched their Las Vegas concert. If anything he looks worse now than before. She figures if she reaches out to him she’d only be distracting him as he said before, and that’s the last thing she wants to do.

But the sight of him is so heartbreaking.

Yoongi wanted to go straight to Seoul after hearing the news. He didn’t care about London or anything else, he just needed to get to Hyeri. The guys managed to talk him out of it because it was simply unreasonable for him to do without postponing their first show at least. Not to mention he and Hyeri are in some undefined relationship limbo and everyone was afraid that things may not go the way Yoongi wants if he suddenly showed up there.

When they arrived in London Yoongi spent any time not on a schedule in his room. He wanted to have one of his stashed drinks, but aside from his cash and Black card, his hidden bottles of liquor were also stolen. So he sat in his room sober and distraught.

He received a message from Hyeri’s mother letting him know that they took her home from the hospital. It seems they’re unaware of Yoongi and Hyeri’s complicated status right now. However, her mother mentioned that Hyeri wanted her to tell him that because she wasn’t able to get to her phone. Through it all, she still wanted him to know she was ok. She didn’t want him to worry. His mind is a mess and once again he finds himself buying bottles of alcohol and overindulging.

This isn’t quite like before. Before he wanted to be someone else so he wouldn’t feel the pain that comes with being himself. He wanted to do whatever he could just cause he could. He wanted to become someone who lived wild and free with no feelings about anything. Now he’s just drowning in those feelings he thought he could run from.

He doesn’t sneak out like he’d done before. He’s not looking for strangers to hook up with or bars he can spend a few hours in. He just stays in his room. Drinking and regretting so many things.

Why did he have to go so far overboard with his drinking? Would it be different if he had just answered her call? Why was she out so late on her own? For every question he has, he downs another drink. He could just reach out to her, but instead he’s too ashamed. Everything is fucked and he’s done a lot of things that don’t help the situation.

The guys are relieved that now they don’t seem to have to worry about Yoongi sneaking off to bars, but he’s still drinking just as much so they only feel a small bit of relief. They try to stay near him and monitor him, but they can’t do much when he closes himself up in his room alone.

Namjoon reached out to Hyeri to see how she’s doing. She tells him what happened during the accident and that her parents have been taking care of her. Then she immediately asks about Yoongi. He looked terrible in their last interview she watched and she knows he’s not ok. Namjoon admits to her that Yoongi hasn’t been doing well. He chooses not to mention the part about the blow jobs and robbery, but he tells her how he’s been struggling.

Namjoon encourages her to reach out to Yoongi again. He’s afraid Yoongi may not be strong enough to do it himself, especially since he’s drunk most of the time. At this point Namjoon and the rest of the guys are desperate to have Yoongi and Hyeri work things out so they don’t have to continue watching the heartbreaking deterioration of their brother. Hyeri isn’t sure she’d be able to say anything else to Yoongi. She can only try so much, but if he doesn’t want to talk to her while he’s on tour, what could she do?

Instead she remains in their shared apartment being cared for by her parents until Yoongi returns from tour. The thought of him coming home and being less than pleased to see her fills her with so much anxiety. She tries her hardest to think of something she could say to get him to talk to her. Something she could do to prove to him that she loves him more than anything and she only made a stupid mistake because she’s too scared and weak to speak up for herself.

Yoongi knew that they would still be on tour when Hyeri’s drama premieres so before he left home he had a delivery scheduled for the day of the premiere. Hyeri has been doing better since her accident, but those 2 weeks haven’t been enough for her to feel comfortable going out. So she sits at home and watches the cast and crew she spent so much time with arriving on the red carpet. She hates to miss the premiere for her first big role, but the only thing that hurts worse is Yoongi being in Japan and seemingly no closer to talking to her.

Yoongi can’t talk to anyone unless he has a contractual obligation to do so. Aside from that he closes himself off and continues drowning his sadness and despair in alcohol. He hates himself. He’s spent the entire tour hating himself for various reasons. Maybe she really does deserve Kihyun, or anyone else. Someone who isn’t such a fucking mess.

He was so upset with her. He blamed her for everything that plagued him during the tour. He wanted to spend that time resenting her because he felt it’s what she deserves after she’d hurt him. He resented her for not having the confidence to speak up for herself. He resented her for making him fall so deep in love that shit like this would hurt him so much. He resented her for not giving him the chance to erase her from his mind. He resented her for finally giving him the chance but getting into a car accident and thrusting herself back to the forefront of his brain. Now he resents her for having her name show up on his phone with a message.

Yoongi forgot all about the scheduled delivery he had set up. Hyeri had no idea he set it up before he left. She thought he had sent them as his way of saying he still cares although he’s still mad at her.

She took a picture of the extravagant bouquet of roses being carried by a large stuffed cat along with her favorite snacks and a gorgeous new designer purse then sent it to him thanking him and telling him she loves him and that once again she’s sorry for everything.

Yoongi groans at the message. This time he’s not upset about her contacting him when he last told her to stop fucking him up on tour. He’s upset because he feels terribly guilty. She doesn’t know about any of the intimate encounters he had throughout the tour, but his heart hurts as if she did. He’s not mad that he forgot to cancel the delivery, he’s mad because now it makes him look like a good person. He finishes off his bottle of sake convinced that he’s definitely not a good person.

Hyeri thought Yoongi’s gift would mean he would talk to her again. But she’s gotten nothing. He didn’t respond to her message. She gave him a day thinking he’s maybe busy or tired. But still nothing. She tried to message him again but still silence.

She doesn’t get it. What does he want from her? She starts to slip into sadness again and all she wants is to be alone. Somehow she convinced her parents that she’ll be fine on her own now. Yoongi will be back soon so they can go back home. They were understandably hesitant but eventually gave in and left for Gwangju.

Hyeri was alone again and for some reason, very scared. Scared that she may lose Yoongi for good. She pours herself a glass of wine and scrolls her phone. She’d been so deeply depressed that she never took time to see what people thought of the first episode of her drama.

She should have known that would be a terrible idea. She feared seeing comments from people saying ugly and hateful things, but she didn’t expect most of the chatter surrounding the show to be about Kihyun being a bad boyfriend.

Somehow, it was brought up how Kihyun was still keeping his schedule, even going to the premiere, when he should have been with Hyeri since she’s still recovering from her car accident. More people chimed in and started putting together a timeline of everywhere Kihyun had been since her accident. People weren’t talking about the show, they were dragging Kihyun when he hadn’t done anything at all.

Her glass of wine turned into the entire bottle. That bottle turned to a second. Now she’s in tears watching low quality streams of the guys’ final show in Japan. Yoongi still looks terrible. Every time she sees him it’s worse than the last. Maybe he saw the comments about Kihyun. She knows that wouldn’t help anything if he had a reminder of her fake relationship thrown in his face.

“Fuck!” She cries fed up with it all. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

She’s wine drunk and so fucking fed up. She feels just as bad as he looks and she’s at her limit. Her heart is shattered and she feels she has nothing to lose anymore. Nothing but the love of her life.

She drunkenly taps out a message on her phone then passes out in bed fully clothed. She only asked herself what would Yoongi do, and so she did it. The wine has her head swimming so she doesn’t even care what happens next. She just wants her Yoongi back.

The guys did a group live to mark the almost end of their tour. They still have their final show in Seoul, but decided to do a group live now since they fear they may not be able to once they’re home. Plus, Yoongi has been clearly bothered by the recent talk about Kihyun.

Yoongi saw it all. He had a few extra drinks and drunkenly apologized to Kihyun for him being caught up in all this bullshit. Kihyun isn’t the bad boyfriend. In Yoongi’s eyes he’s the bad boyfriend. The bad, weak, most terrible boyfriend on the planet.

Yoongi couldn’t say no to the group live. He tried to stay present in the moment, but he frequently zoned out. At times he wasn’t sure what anyone was saying. He stayed quiet unless someone spoke to him. The live was so he’d stay sober and supervised, but he’s more irritated and sad instead.

The live doesn’t go long. In the end they all retreat to their rooms, with Jimin following Yoongi to his. Jimin saw Hyeri’s message, but he knows Yoongi hasn’t. He doesn’t want Yoongi to be alone when he sees it. He doesn’t know if he’ll have a positive or negative reaction, but either way he wants to be by his side.

Jimin chats with Yoongi a bit claiming that he just wants to hang out. He isn’t sure how to bring up the message naturally, so he hopes Yoongi looks at his phone to see for himself.

They have a drink together and chat some more before Yoongi finally looks at his phone. He checks a few missed calls and clears some emails. Out of habit, he looks at Instagram and the first thing he sees is a message posted on Hyeri’s account.

Hi everyone, this is Rainbow. I want to say that I’m very grateful for everyone who has sent well wishes during my time in recovery. It truly means a lot to me.

To repay your kindness I would like to be honest with you all about something that has been weighing heavy on me for a while in hopes that it causes no more pain for those I care about.

Yoo Kihyun is a wonderful person with a kind heart and incredible talent. He has become a great friend to me, but that’s all he ever has been. I’m sorry that you all were led to believe that Kihyun and I were engaged in a romantic relationship when we have only ever been friends. I have realized that my inaction has caused pain to some who were hurt by this lie, but I will do anything I can to make things right.

I’m sorry to all of my fans and I ask your forgiveness. I promise to work hard to be someone deserving of your love.

I’m resting well and can’t wait to see you all again. Please be healthy. I love you.

🌈Rainbow

Yoongi stares at his phone unsure of what he’s seeing. He reads the message a second time, then tries to determine what any of this means. He can’t be sure, but he feels like she was talking to him directly. Why did she do this now? Did she make this statement on her own? In one of the many ignored texts from her she did mention that she tried to get the company to tell the truth but they wanted to wait until after the show’s premiere. Is that why she’s doing this now?

“Hyung,” Jimin says softly. “For what it’s worth, everyone is saying she didn’t talk to JJS before posting that.”

“She didn’t?” Yoongi asks in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

“I guess you could ask her when we get home tomorrow.”

Yoongi nods though he’s not sure he wants to go home at all. Reading her letter has done nothing but make him feel worse than he already does. He knows that couldn’t have been easy for her to do, and if she finally spoke up for herself, then all of the things he had done have just become a million times heavier. Despite wanting to run far away, he can’t do anything about their flight tomorrow that will see him returning home in the afternoon. Home to Hyeri.

Hyeri wakes up with a wine hangover and a ton of missed calls and messages. She thought it was all a dream, but looking at her phone proves it wasn’t. Kihyun is praising and thanking her for putting the truth out there. He also shared the notice he put on his account that confirmed everything she said and apologized again for misleading fans.

Her friends and family are proud of her, knowing this has all been taking a toll on her, although none of them know just how much her relationship with Yoongi has seemed to deteriorate. His family seems unaware as well when she reads the messages from them offering their support. It’s not until this moment that she remembers Yoongi will be home this afternoon.

What would he say when he comes home and sees her there? Will he be mad? Will he make her leave? Will he at least speak to her? Her mind is spinning with questions, but that becomes the least of her problems.

Her manager called to let her know that he was going to pick her up for an emergency meeting with the company. She wanted to get out of it. She tried to, but she had no choice. She washed up and left when her manager arrived ready to face the consequences of her drunken actions.

The meeting is held with Hyeri, her manager, the PR team for JJS, and someone from HR. She’s nervous and almost certain that she’s about to get dropped from her agency.

Her manager starts by reciting some bullshit company rules that she’s in no mood to listen to. He reminds her that she has to consult with them before putting out any statements to ensure everyone is on the same page. That pisses her off. They’ve done nothing but tell her what statements they were going to put out leaving her with no choice. That’s why she’s in this shit in the first place and that’s why she’s fed up.

“I can’t keep living a lie,” she says softly. “I told you guys what the truth was but you already made up your minds that you would keep rolling with this lie that you forced me and Kihyun into. Where is he anyway? Did you guys talk to him already?”

“We have a separate meeting scheduled with him,” the PR lead says.

“Why?” Hyeri’s voice rises a notch. “Why won’t you ever discuss things with us together? Is it because you think I’ll roll over and do whatever you say, unlike him who will fight back? You want me to agree to what you want then convince him to do the same?”

“We told you what the plan was, you only needed to let us execute it.”

“I’m not waiting!” She shouts. “You wanted to wait weeks after the show to tell the truth and then you wanted to spin it like we broke up. Do you know what you’re doing to us by doing that? Do you even care??”

“Hyeri,” her manager tries to get her to calm down.

“No!” She retaliates feeling the burn of her frustration come boiling over. “Did you even see the witch hunt against Kihyun? And for what?! A few extra viewers? Did you notice no one is talking about the fucking show because they’re so concerned about whether Kihyun is a good boyfriend or not? This lie is hurting him. It’s hurting me. And it’s hurting my actual fucking boyfriend who I’m not even sure is even my boyfriend anymore! I’m not waiting around for you guys to say something when this shouldn’t even be happening in the first place!”

“Hyeri please,” her manager says trying to calm her down.

“Do you guys even care about me?” Her tears begin flowing endlessly and she can’t control her emotions any longer. “Why was it so bad for me to admit to dating Yoongi, but telling a lie is better?” Her cries turn to full sobs and she’s clutching her chest. All of this pain for what? Losing the love of her life for what? “I don’t care what you decide to do, but I’m not going to lie to anyone any longer.”

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 7: Drunk

The guys’ time in Vegas has flown by and it’s finally their last night there. Everyone is a little extra nervous because tonight’s show is being streamed live. Nothing has changed with Yoongi. Jin couldn’t convince him to talk to Hyeri. No one could keep him from sneaking drinks. And now they’re all getting ready to go on stage with Yoongi already further out of his mind than any of them realize.

Hyeri hasn’t tried talking to Yoongi since the voicemail she left him. She hasn’t tried sending him messages or anything. Truthfully, she’s been far too depressed to talk to anyone or do anything. She claimed illness so she could give herself a couple of days without having to worry about her schedule. However that just gave her the freedom to be able to watch the guys’ concert online. As much as she knows it’ll hurt to see Yoongi dancing across the stage, likely not thinking anything of her, she still can’t help it. She misses him so bad.

The show starts and the first time the camera cuts to Yoongi’s face, Hyeri’s heart drops. He looks awful. The man up there standing in his place is only a soulless shell and she can tell.

“My Yoongi,” she says with tears rolling down her cheeks. “You’re not ok.”

The entire show she notices everything he does that proves he’s not himself. He’s smiling as the crowd cheers his name, but his eyes are dark and sunken. He jumps around with Jimin to the crowd’s delight, but his movements are stiff and emotionless. The man on the stage is not her Yoongi. She doesn’t know who that man is.

The tightness in her chest only worsens as the show goes on. When Yoongi gives his ending ments he doesn’t even sound like himself. Hyeri is overwhelmed with guilt watching a stranger parading around as the love of her life. She can see what he meant when he said that he’s no longer the person she fell in love with. She doesn’t know who this person is and it’s killing her inside.

Yoongi feels on top of the world. Sure everyone has been watching him closely, but they can’t be everywhere all of the time. The love he feels when he’s on stage is incredible and the buzz he feels from a few hidden drinks has him on a cloud.

Not hearing from Hyeri has been a relief. He doesn’t have constant reminders of her every time he looks at his phone to see another message from her.

So why does he still feel like he needs to be as far away from himself as possible? So far away from himself that he has a few more drinks after the show. When everyone is focused on the maknae line chaos on Weverse Live, Yoongi slips out of his room undetected. It’s his last night in Vegas and he wants to have some fun. He starts with a quick drink at the hotel bar, then heads out to see what catches his eye.

It’s like deja vu. He finds a place. Orders a drink. Then people watches from a table in the back. After a few drinks he heads down to another bar and does the same. His legs barely carry him to the third bar, but he still orders a drink anyway.

Every time he thinks of Hyeri and how for some reason it hurts that she hasn’t contacted him again, he has another drink. He’s determined to not be Yoongi tonight. Yoongi’s emotions are much too strong and he doesn’t want to deal with any of that. He drinks more then stumbles his way out of the bar in search of another.

After the 5th bar he finds himself in another familiar situation. In the back of a stranger’s car getting his dick sucked as Austin while Yoongi is far gone from reality.

She said her name was Mary. Maybe it was Marcia. Something with an M that he won’t remember in the morning. All he knows right now is that her mouth feels better around him than anyone else’s has so far during the tour. When she hums it’s like a million nerves in his body are being hit at once and brings out a deep breathy groan. He’s once again on that cloud and never wants to get off.

It’s a miracle he’s able to make it back to his hotel room unnoticed. He throws himself in the bed and passes out as Austin.

When he wakes he’s Yoongi again and terribly hungover. Again. He doesn’t have much time before they leave for their flight to LA, so he takes some medicine and a quick shower to freshen up a little.

No one knows where Yoongi was last night, and Jin is the only one who knew Yoongi wasn’t in his room. He went by to check on Yoongi, only to discover he wasn’t there. He had to come up with an excuse to get the key to Yoongi’s room from one of their managers so he could make sure Yoongi wasn’t in need of help. To his surprise and disappointment, he saw that Yoongi wasn’t there. He was afraid to say anything so he didn’t. He’s relieved that Yoongi makes it for their flight in the morning, and he decides maybe it’s ok to not say anything this time.

Los Angeles holds a lot of memories for the guys. Yoongi always loves it here. The food, the people, the overall vibes are great. So naturally, he slips back into the same routine. Sneaking drinks during the day and sneaking out to bars at night. For some reason he felt freer and happier in LA, so he got wilder. It no longer matters if he’s angry at himself for thinking about Hyeri, or if he’s actually enjoying himself. It’s all blended together at this point.

Hyeri hasn’t gotten much sleep or food since she watched the concert and saw just how bad Yoongi looked. She blames herself for it all and she isn’t sure how she can fix things between them. He wasn’t himself and she’s been taking it very hard.

She’s skipped out on more of her schedule claiming to still be sick. She’s gotten an outpouring of support and well wishes from fans, but she only wants to hear from Yoongi. That’s the only cure for this sickness.

She continues following the guys tour schedule and browsing socials for anything new. Not that she’s expecting something, but she can’t help her need to see Yoongi any way she can. It’s too bad that now when she sees Yoongi he looks like a stranger.

She can’t eat or sleep, but she can’t talk to him. He wouldn’t answer if she tried. It makes her restless because she wants to do something but she doesn’t know what she could do. So she decides to go for a drive to clear her mind.

Somehow she manages to pull herself out of bed and get in her car at a little after 2 am. She has no destination in mind, she only wants to clear her head. The only problem is that she’s incredibly fatigued from days of little rest and food. She decides it’s best for her to stay close to home, so she simply drives around within a 5 mile radius of home.

On her third lap around the area she begins to struggle to stay awake. She drifts off for a second then is jolted back awake by the sound of her passenger side tires scraping the curb.

“Shit,” she whispers to herself.

She stops at a red light and rubs her eyes. She’ll just make two more turns to go back home. She makes the first turn. The second is a tight one, but she narrowly makes it before the light turns red. All she has to do is continue straight to get back home, but she can’t stop from dozing off once again and is jolted awake from the feeling of her car ramming into the curb and up on the sidewalk. Before she can react her car goes flying into a stoplight pole.

The airbags immediately deploy knocking her head backwards and bouncing it off the headrest. She begins seeing stars and she can’t seem to comprehend what’s going on around her. It’s silent at first. And then it sounds chaotic. Then there’s silence and darkness again. Then another round of chaos surrounding her. She isn’t sure what’s happening anymore, all she knows is that whatever is happening, she’s not in control of any of it.

The three shows in LA came and went just as fast as the shows in Vegas. Yoongi has been getting much more loose these few days and the rest of the group are afraid he may not make it through much more of the tour at this rate. More drinking, more sneaking out, more blowjobs from strangers.

During the final show, Yoongi slipped and fell on his hip. He was already so drunk by then that it didn’t phase him at all. He laughed it off telling the guys and fans that he was ok. After the show he really started to feel it. He went back to his room for a drink but he could still feel the ache in his hip. He had another drink but it still couldn’t ease his discomfort.

When he thought all was clear, he slipped out of his room and went out to a nearby bar. He has a drink and takes a seat trying to leave the pain plaguing his body. He told Hoseok not to run around with the maknaes, but he went and did it himself with the same result.

While he’s drinking and people watching, a woman approaches him. She has a little small talk with him and orders another round of drinks. She tells him her name is Chelsea. Not that it matters to him because he knows he’ll forget in the morning. He, of course, tells her his name is Austin and that this is his last night in town.

They chat a little longer. Then they begin flirting. She offers to take him back to his hotel and he agrees. Yoongi would never, but Austin doesn’t care. He’s so far gone that he doesn’t even notice that he’s limping pretty bad from his fall. When he gets in her car she hands him a piece of gummy candy.

“Here,” she says. “It’ll help you with the pain.” She gestures to his hip.

“What is it?” He asks taking the candy and looking it over through his blurry vision.

“A pain killer,” she winks. “Try it out.”

Without a second thought Yoongi pops the candy in his mouth and chews it up. It’s a sweet strawberry flavor which he feels pairs well with the lingering taste of tequila in his mouth. Chelsea smiles then takes off for the hotel.

By the time they arrive, Yoongi has no idea where he is. The entire ride he felt like he was floating through a wormhole. Everything around him feels unreal.

“What kind of candy was that?” Yoongi manages to ask.

“Only LA’s finest edible,” she smiles. “Doesn’t it make your pain go away?”

“Yeah,” he whispers.

He’s never been high before. He never would have even tried. But he’s not himself. He’s not Yoongi who wouldn’t willingly take something from a stranger and eat it not knowing what it is exactly. He’s Austin who doesn’t care about anything. He’s Austin who once again is locking lips with a stranger.

But then he sees her. In his mind, drunk and high as fuck, he sees her. How dare she sneak into his mind like this. Hyeri hasn’t tried to talk to him since Vegas, why is she on his mind right now? He isn’t sure what to do. Being drunk is one thing, but he’s never experienced being high before. He has no idea how to deal with these effects. All he knows is the sight of Hyeri’s face stained with tears has infiltrated his mind and he needs to make it stop. He sees her face. He feels her pain. It’s like he can physically feel her presence.

“Help,” she says.

“Huh?” Yoongi says taken aback by Hyeri speaking to him suddenly.

“I said do you need help?”

Yoongi has a flash of clarity and remembers he’s in the car with a stranger named Samantha. Or maybe it was Donna. He isn’t sure, but it doesn’t matter.

“Um,” he hesitates trying to regain some sense of coherency.

“Come on,” Chelsea says turning off her car. “What room are you in? I’ll help you get there.”

He thinks he’ll be fine. He can’t share his room number with anyone. He knows where the elevator is, he shouldn’t have a problem getting there.

“728,” he slurs. It’s clear his mind and mouth are not on the same page.

As she helps him to the elevator and they make their way up he starts to think maybe it’s not so bad. She’s just helping him to his room and while he’s mad that he mindlessly gave her his room number, she’s actually a big help right now because he actually would not have made it up on his own. She gets him to his room, helps fish his room key out of his pocket, and she gets him to the bed.

He has no idea what’s happening around him. All he can see is the ceiling spinning above him and the sound of Hyeri’s cries echoing through his head. Why is she on his mind? He hates it, but he’s so intoxicated that he can’t even move. All he can do is lay there and endure the pain of seeing her face and hearing her voice swirl around his mind.

“You’re a fucking mess.”

He agrees. He’s a big fucking mess and it’s because of Hyeri. It’s because he loves her so much it hurts. He’s a weak fool.

“How much do you drink, Austin?”

Hyeri shouldn’t know anything about Austin. Austin should have never existed, but there’s no changing the things he’s already done. He felt she didn’t care about him and his feelings for her so he created the persona of someone that would do all the things Yoongi wouldn’t do. Someone who would live free and do whatever he wants because fuck love. Fuck feelings. Fuck being vulnerable. Fuck Hyeri.

He loves her so fucking much.

“You’re so fucked up you can’t even get it up.”

If Hyeri ever learned of the things he’s done as Austin he may never be able to forgive himself. Sure, this was his way of revenge. He’s been hurting and he wanted to let go of it all and simply be free. But this isn’t him. This isn’t Yoongi. This is someone else that Hyeri should never know about. Someone he shouldn’t have become in the first place.

“At least this wasn’t a total bust. Good luck with whatever shit you’re going through.”

If she hadn’t hurt him so bad he wouldn’t be so dead set on hurting her back. He’s turned into someone he doesn’t recognize all because he can’t handle the hurt. He wants her to feel that, but at the same time he never wants her to hurt. He would do anything to make sure she doesn’t hurt.

The moment Namjoon wakes up in the morning he rushes straight for Yoongi’s room. He went to check on him last night but he wasn’t there. He didn’t want to cause panic so he was hoping Yoongi would be back in the morning. He got Yoongi’s key from a manager earlier in their stay in LA knowing one of them would probably need it considering Yoongi’s rapidly declining condition.

The good news: Yoongi is in his room. The bad news: it looks like his room has been ransacked.

“Hyung!” Namjoon shouts trying to shake Yoongi awake.

Yoongi groans incoherently. Namjoon looks him over to make sure he doesn’t appear to be hurt. He looks ok physically so Namjoon shakes him again.

“Hyung! Wake up!” Namjoon shouts. “What the hell happened last night?”

Yoongi groans again still stuck in a haze. Before Namjoon can shake him some more, there’s a knock at the door. He checks the peephole then quickly opens the door and pulls Taehyung inside when he realizes it’s not someone else.

“Help me get him to the shower,” Namjoon says grabbing one of Yoongi’s arms.

“What happened?” Taehyung asks taking Yoongi’s other arm while observing the complete mess in the room.

“I don’t know,” Namjoon says removing Yoongi’s shirt.

Yoongi groans again. He can feel himself being undressed but he has no idea what’s actually going on. He’s still drunk and a little high from last night. He doesn’t know it’s only been 4 hours since he passed out. He doesn’t know the edible he had last night was a strong one. Certainly much too strong for a casual marijuana user, which means it’s 10 times stronger for Yoongi who’s never used before in his life.

Namjoon and Taehyung manage to get Yoongi down to his boxers and moved to the shower. They sit him on the floor then look at each other wondering what to do now.

Taehyung came by because he was afraid Yoongi would need supervision once he heard the news. He didn’t expect to come into the scene he was faced with when he arrived. Knowing what he saw when he found Yoongi getting a blow job behind the restaurant, he realized things are much worse than he thought.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoon asks while turning the cold water on in hopes it will wake Yoongi.

“I wanted to check on him after I saw this.” Taehyung pulls out his phone and shows Namjoon an article.

ACTRESS RAINBOW INJURED IN CAR ACCIDENT

The article has very little information, only that Hyeri was in an accident late at night and was taken to the hospital. Details of her condition are unknown but as far as anyone seems to know, she’s still in the hospital being treated.

“Shit,” Namjoon says looking over at Yoongi on the shower floor still in a daze as the water hits every part of his body. “I don’t think he knows anything yet. He looks like he’s been out of it for a while. Do you think…he was drugged?”

Taehyung has another flashback to the restaurant and frowns.

“What?” Namjoon asks noticing his change in expression.

“Hyung,” Taehyung sighs pulling Namjoon to the bed and out of Yoongi’s earshot. “You know that night we were at the restaurant in Vegas and he disappeared for a while?”

Namjoon nods suddenly remembering that Taehyung went to look for him but never said where he was.

“He wasn’t in the bathroom, he was outside,” Taehyung whispers. “He was…someone else was…oh my god,” he pauses having a sudden realization. “What if that was a prostitute?”

“A prosti-what??” Namjoon asks. “What are you talking about??”

“He was behind the restaurant getting his dick sucked!” Taehyung blurts. “Oh my god, hyung what if he got a prostitute??”

“How?” Namjoon looks over his shoulder to see Yoongi’s head still swaying deliriously under the shower water. “How would he suddenly find a prostitute in the back of the restaurant when he was with us the whole time?”

“I don’t know, but I know I saw someone on their knees and hyung was making those…sounds,” he says cringing at the memory.

“Ok…We’ll get you some counseling later,” Namjoon says. “We need to figure out what happened last night first. We have to make sure he makes our flight.”

Taehyung nods and begins looking around the room. Yoongi’s suitcase is wide open and his clothes have been tossed around. It definitely looks like someone was looking for something.

From what Namjoon can tell, none of Yoongi’s recording equipment has been taken. Not even his laptop. That’s a relief until he sees Yoongi’s wallet. Yoongi always has cash on hand when they travel and Namjoon knows for a fact that he had at least $300 leftover after the show last night because Yoongi was asking him what he should do with it on their final night so he wouldn’t have to worry about exchanging it when they head to London.

Namjoon isn’t sure what’s worse, the possibility that Yoongi spent $300 on alcohol in one night, or the thought that someone was in Yoongi’s room and robbed him. The latter seems much more likely when Namjoon notices Yoongi’s Black card missing.

Yoongi doesn’t know what’s going on, but he’s freezing. His head is throbbing, his mouth is dry, and he can hardly hear anything. He opens his mouth wide trying to find a way to generate at least a little saliva, but then his mouth fills up with water. He gasps in surprise and inhales a bit of water. He’s immediately thrust back into reality as he starts coughing heavily.

“Hyung!”

Namjoon and Taehyung run to the shower and turn the water off.

“Are you ok?” Namjoon asks patting him on the back as he continues coughing and heaving.

It takes a moment for Yoongi to stop coughing and catch his breath. He finally looks up to realize he’s on the floor of the shower with Namjoon and Taehyung standing over him with deeply worried faces.

“Yeah,” Yoongi coughs out.

“Bullshit,” Namjoon says no longer willing to let any more of Yoongi’s lies pass. “What the fuck happened last night? Where did you go after the show?”

“I don’t know,” Yoongi groans. “My head hurts.”

“Yeah no shit,” Namjoon says helping him to his feet.

Taehyung wraps a towel around Yoongi and they help him to the bed. Yoongi lays flat on his back still trying to find his life, but also knowing he really messed up now. He never wanted the members to see him like this.

“Did you have a prostitute in here?” Taehyung asks boldly.

“Huh?” Yoongi mumbles. He thinks a moment trying to figure out what all happened last night. “No…I don’t know who it was. I never know who it is.”

“What??” Namjoon exclaims.

“Names aren’t important.”

“For fucks sake, hyung! Whoever it was robbed you!”

“What??” Yoongi tries to sit up but he can’t.

“Did you spend that cash?”

“No. Not yet.” He actually decided he would use that money to sneak a few bottles of duty free alcohol at the airport so he hadn’t planned to touch it last night.

“Then they took your money and your Black card!”

“Fuck,” Yoongi groans.

“Do you know anything about last night?”

He doesn’t. He knows he went out for drinks. He knows he went to more than one place but he’s not sure which places or how many. He knows he met someone, Lindsay, maybe it was Ruby. He hasn’t a clue.

“Fuck,” he groans again. Suddenly he remembers why his mouth is so dry. “She gave me an edible.”

“What the fuck?” Namjoon is in complete disbelief. “So you got drunk and high? With a stranger whose name you can’t even remember?! Are you fucking crazy?!?”

“Hyung,” Taehyung says softly, choosing to take a different approach. “Hyeri is in the hospital. She got into a car accident.”

“What?!” Yoongi says swiftly sitting up. Hearing those words sobered him up instantly. His heart is racing and he’s too worried to even be mad at himself for how much he still cares for her.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 6: Drank

The morning comes quick and Yoongi is awake and getting himself ready for a radio interview they have in 2 hours. He’s been having trouble waking up in the mornings due to his heavy drinking, but this morning he wakes up feeling a bit refreshed for the first time.

He showers, has breakfast, and even takes a bit more time to plan his outfit of the day. It’s nothing special, just ripped jeans and a black t-shirt, but he hadn’t cared what he threw on lately. He didn’t even care if the clothes were clean or not.

When he pulls his jeans out of his suitcase a bracelet falls out. The bracelet Hyeri bought him that’s engraved with “Forever mine. Forever yours.” on it. The bracelet he never took off until he was in a drunken rage after he last spoke to her. The sight of that bracelet sends a sharp pain through Yoongi’s chest. Reading those words burns him to his core.

As if the bracelet wasn’t enough of a sobering reminder of the pain he’s been trying to run away from, his phone buzzes from a few messages.

[Hyeri]: I hope you have a good day today.

[Hyeri]: I love you so much and I’m sorry for all of the shit I’ve put you through.

[Hyeri]: I’ll keep telling you this everyday until I die.

[Hyeri]: Even if you don’t forgive me, can you tell me you’re at least eating well and taking care of yourself?

[Hyeri]: I miss you so much.

She’s been texting him every single day saying the same thing. She’d message him about her day as if her texts to him were entries to her diary. She’d tell him to take care of himself and that she loves him. He’d simply sigh at her message, get pissed that she’s on his mind and has him hurting again, then has a drink to take himself further from reality. Further from being himself, the one very painfully in love.

Despite what Jungkook thought was a successful time last night, he finds himself a little disappointed to smell the bit of alcohol on Yoongi’s breath when they arrived at the radio station. Still, Yoongi doesn’t seem quite as bad as he was before.

They get through the interview without incident. They move to their next appearance at a gallery. Then they check out the venue for the concert and the new stage setup they put together specially for Las Vegas.

Hyeri had been aware of the guys radio appearance. She stayed up late and managed to find a stream that let her listen to the show from Seoul. She just wanted to hear Yoongi’s voice, even if the most talking he did was say his name. She cries listening to the interview, and when it’s over she sends him another text telling him how good they sound on the radio and that she’s proud of them.

Yoongi doesn’t pay much attention to his phone until after they leave the venue and start heading back to the hotel. During the ride he sees the messages from Hyeri and lets out a sigh. Still buzzing a little from a hidden drink he had stashed in his pants, he finally decides to reply to Hyeri.

[Yoongi]: Pretty bold of you to keep texting me when you’re dating someone else. At least that’s what you told the world. What the fuck do you want with me Hyeri? If you went back to not giving a shit and not trying to talk to me then I wouldn’t have such a hard time staying focused out here. I’m trying to get through this tour and you keep texting me like you didn’t rip my heart out of my fucking chest and spit on it in front of the entire fucking world! Why do you think you can keep hurting me like this? I gave you everything and more and this is what I get? Why do you think you can talk to me and say shit like you love me when you don’t?! You’re fucking me up, Hyeri and it pisses me off! Let me get through this fucking tour without thinking about the person who doesn’t give a shit about me! You didn’t care enough to say shit to me before, why the fuck are you acting like you care now?

[Yoongi]: I’m not the person you claim to love anymore. He fucking died the day you decided a lie to boost your career was better than the truth.

In this moment, he means that. The Yoongi she loves is gone. He’s been hurt into hiding with no intention of coming back. What remains is a shell of a man who once knew happiness. The shell of a man who no longer wants to feel.

The guys have the evening to themselves so while they’re doing their own thing they all agreed to have dinner together at a restaurant on the strip later. Yoongi couldn’t get out of going. He knows he would draw much more attention to himself if he didn’t go.

So he sits at the restaurant with his members and managers indulging in the mindless chatter and never ending gossip. He knew at least a few of them would be keeping a close eye on him, so he orders a beer and leaves it at that.

Jungkook told Jin and Namjoon about his dinner with Yoongi the previous night. Although he knows Yoongi is still sneaking drinks, Jungkook still seemed optimistic that maybe he’s not too far gone and just needs to be brought out of his funk. The rest of the guys got together and agreed to try not to say or do anything that would make Yoongi feel like he’s being babysat. And they definitely know not to bring up anything related to Hyeri. Plus the managers don’t know about anything and the last thing they want is for them or anyone else outside of the group to realize Yoongi is going down a dark path.

Yoongi fakes it well. The beer he ordered wasn’t near enough for him, but he didn’t want to take the chance of raising eyebrows if he ordered another. Everyone has been silently taking care of him. Jungkook filling his cup with water from the carafe on the table every time he takes a drink. Jin giving him bites of his food. Hobi keeping the mood light and as joyful as possible. It’s a collective effort from everyone.

Still, Yoongi is starting to feel that urge. He can’t stop thinking about the message he sent Hyeri. She never responded and he knows it’s likely because it’s late in Korea, but for whatever reason he can’t shake the nagging in his mind. Did he finally get her to leave him alone? Was he too harsh? What does he care? She didn’t care about his feelings so why should he care about hers? He hates that he cares so much.

He’s managed to distance himself from the conversation at the table and now he’s mad at himself for letting her occupy his mind again. He’s mad at himself for slipping back into the hopelessly devoted fool who only responded to Hyeri because despite the angry words he sent her, he felt a tinge of joy knowing she listened in to their radio interview. He hates himself so fucking much.

He excuses himself to go to the restroom. He needs a moment to get his mind right again. He stares at himself in the mirror hating what he sees. In the inside pocket of his black jacket he pulls out a bottle of rum that he had a manager get for him. He requested a few bottles of different things under the guise that he would have them shipped back home for friends and family. In reality, the 4 bottles of various liquors are hidden in his suitcase under some of his recording equipment, with a 5th bottle being the one he just pulled out of his jacket. After his message to Hyeri earlier he decided he may need a little assistance to get through the night.

He takes a big swig from the bottle. Then another. And one more for good measure. He gives himself a minute to get recollected but it’s difficult. He takes another drink then decides he needs to step outside for some air.

He goes out a back door that appears to be where the restaurant staff goes for smoke breaks. He stands off to the side in a dark corner hoping no one will notice him if they were to come out that door. There’s lights everywhere, but conveniently none in this particular spot that has a second level of shadowed security thanks to the large dumpster he’s standing next to. He can still see the door, but he’ll have a better chance at ducking and hiding in the shadows if someone came out looking for him.

He takes a few deep breaths waiting for his rum to kick in. He’s been feeling too much like himself and he doesn’t want to. He wants to be numb but his drink isn’t hitting fast enough for his liking. He takes another large drink from his bottle then puts it back into his jacket pocket. He hates himself so much.

“Oh!” A startled male voice rings out scaring Yoongi a little. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

A man about the same height as Yoongi with blue dyed hair approaches looking like he’s also needing a place to escape.

“It’s ok,” Yoongi mumbles.

“Are you hiding from something too?” The guy asks.

“Just getting some air. It’s a bit hot in there.”

“Oh,” the guy looks Yoongi over a few times as best he can in the darkness. “Did you ever think that it’s hot in there because of you?”

“What?” Yoongi chuckles taken aback by the sudden cheesy pickup line.

“Sorry,” the guy chuckles. “Honestly I noticed you inside and couldn’t take my eyes off of you. My name’s Davy.”

“Austin,” Yoongi says without a second thought. It’s like the name just came out naturally as if it truly were his name. He doesn’t hurt quite as much when he’s Austin. He barely feels anything when he’s Austin.

“Nice to meet you,” Davy smiles.

“You too.” Yoongi takes a closer look at Davy. He’s wearing dark blue jeans and a colorful floral tank top.

“Are you from here?” Davy asks.

“No,” Yoongi replies. “Just visiting. What about you?”

“Same,” Davy says inching closer to Yoongi. “My friend ditched me for a new friend and it’s my last night in town so I was hoping to have a little fun before I leave in the morning.”

“Really?” Yoongi asks feeling the rum starting to take him over. “What kind of fun?”

“Whatever kind you’re into,” he smirks tapping Yoongi’s jacket in the exact spot where his rum is hidden. “If you don’t mind sharing a little with a stranger, I’ll pay you back.”

“How are you going to do that?” Yoongi asks reaching for his bottle. His vision is starting to fog and his mind is on nothing. Someone could suggest he rob a bank right now and he wouldn’t have the mind to decline.

Davy doesn’t want him to rob a bank though. Davy wants a taste of the rum Yoongi just willingly handed over. And a little something else.

“Cute and kind,” Davy smiles taking a drink. “I like it.”

“You think I’m kind?” Yoongi chuckles.

“Well you just let someone you met a minute ago have a sip from your private stash. Seems like a kind person to me.”

“Right,” Yoongi nods. Davy hands him the bottle back and he takes a big drink before putting the bottle back in his jacket.

“Do you taste as good as that rum?”

“See for yourself,” Yoongi smiles mischievously. He answered so quickly he didn’t even think about what he just suggested.

This is what Yoongi wants. He wants to no longer feel like Yoongi. Once again, he finds himself numb to everything except the heat that quickly rises within him when Davy attaches his lips to his. That feeling of fire being the only thing he can feel just makes it so much more powerful. He doesn’t want it to stop.

“Can I taste more?” Davy exhales pressing his body closer into Yoongi’s. “I want to know what Austin really tastes like.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi smirks. “Go ahead. You said you would pay me back anyway.”

His vision is foggy and his head is spinning. In the moment he only feels Davy. And Davy feels so fucking good to Austin right now.

Yoongi has been away from the table for a while and the guys are starting to worry. He only said he was going to the bathroom, but it seems he’s taking much longer than usual. With the managers there they don’t want to do anything to cause suspicion or concern. Taehyung decides to just go check in on Yoongi. He could just be having a bad shit, can’t fault him for that.

Taehyung enters the restroom and finds it empty. Of course it is. He can’t imagine Yoongi went far though so he steps back out of the restroom and looks around. Yoongi isn’t at the bar. He’s not mingling with someone he may know or being approached by fans anywhere. Taehyung does a full 360 look around, then he finally sees it. The back door.

Taehyung sighs hoping his hyung isn’t truly out back just to sneak a drink. It doesn’t make sense to him that Yoongi would go to such great lengths. He quietly pokes his head out the door and looks around. He can hardly see anything, but he can see the unlit corner where the dumpsters are. He takes a small step out the door and looks around more. Then he hears something.

It’s a peculiar sound, but he’s not so naive that he doesn’t know what he’s hearing. Thinking he may have just discovered someone in the middle of their back alley romp, he swiftly turns to go back inside. As he turns, his eyes catch a quick glimpse of the person responsible for the animalistic growls he’s hearing.

His heart sinks when he notices Yoongi’s hair dangling as his head is thrown back and his mouth is wide open. Taehyung doesn’t know everyone Yoongi knows, but he’s pretty sure the person on his knees deep throating Yoongi is a complete stranger. He’s frozen in place a moment trying to convince himself that he’s not seeing what he’s seeing. But he is. That’s Yoongi. It’s dark but that’s Yoongi’s face. Those are his clothes. That’s his voice.

Taehyung regains consciousness and heads back inside the restaurant. He rushes back to the table and sits down without a word. The guys look at him confused waiting for him to tell them something.

“So?” Jimin asks. “Did you find him?”

Taehyung silently nods.

“Ok…was he in the bathroom?”

Taehyung silently shakes his head.

“Where is he?” Jin asks.

Taehyung quickly points his head towards the back door then looks back down at his plate.

“Why didn’t you bring him back?”

Taehyung sighs. Telling them what he just saw means he’ll have to accept it himself, and he’s not sure he wants to. He has far too many questions swirling around his head and he thinks maybe if he pretends he didn’t see what he just saw it will all go away.

“Taehyung,” Namjoon says softly trying his damndest to read his expression.

Before Taehyung can concoct a sentence, Yoongi returns to the table. He looks a bit disheveled but begins eating as if he hadn’t gone missing for 15 minutes.

“Hey,” Hobi says softly. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “I guess something I ate didn’t sit well. You know how it is with foreign food.”

No one believes him, but they let it go not exactly knowing what he was doing. Taehyung can barely look in Yoongi’s direction. Even after years of living together, he’s never seen Yoongi like that. He’s sure he’s been scarred for life and would have much preferred that he caught Yoongi drinking instead.

The next morning Yoongi wakes up in a familiar fog. Somehow he passed out on the bed with all of his clothes on. He doesn’t remember much other than getting his dick sucked by a complete stranger. Again. Whose name he doesn’t quite remember. Again.

He groans a bit then gets up to take down a couple of painkillers and get himself cleaned up in the shower. He wishes everything wasn’t such a blur, but he knows it’s for the best. When he wakes up as Yoongi the next morning he hardly has any idea what Austin did. He barely even cares what Austin did.

All during rehearsal, Taehyung can’t seem to face Yoongi. He doesn’t say much and tries to hide behind other members during discussions. Yoongi doesn’t notice, he has no idea Taehyung saw him and Davy last night.

The rest of the guys know something was up last night, but none of them have any answers. Taehyung won’t say anything and Yoongi only says he had a bad reaction to something he ate. The managers are still clueless to what’s going on. Jimin and Namjoon are very concerned. Hobi, Jin, and Jungkook aren’t quite sure what to think of it. Taehyung…Taehyung wants to scrub his eyes and ears with bleach.

After rehearsal, Jin follows Yoongi to his room. He keeps things casual and upbeat, but he’s really just trying to keep a close eye on Yoongi. He wants to know what Yoongi is really up to in his room when he’s alone.

They both take a seat on the bed and continue chatting. At the same time Jin is quietly observing everything in the room. It’s a bit of a mess with clothes tossed here and there. Jin expects that from some of the other guys, but not the well organized Min Yoongi. He’s spent enough time as his roommate to know this isn’t normal.

As they’re talking, Yoongi’s phone rings. It’s Hyeri. He’s much too sober to answer her, and now he’s upset that she has the nerve to call him on concert day after the message he sent her practically telling her to leave him alone so he can focus on the tour. Still, that small infuriating part of him is happy she called and is trying to convince him to answer. Instead he lets it go to voicemail. So she leaves one. Now the small part of him is wanting him to listen to it. He stares at his phone cursing himself for being so fucking weak.

“I know you’re still pretty upset,” Jin says. “But I know you want to hear what she says. Go ahead and listen to it.”

“Hyung,” Yoongi sighs. “If I listen to it I probably won’t be able to be myself after.”

“You haven’t been yourself anyway,” Jin jokes. “What difference does it make?”

“Fuck,” Yoongi mumbles hitting play on the voicemail.

“Yoongi.” Hyeri’s soft voice rings through the phone making Yoongi’s heart hurt. “I’m sorry. You’re probably more mad at me for calling you. I’ll take it.” Her voice is shaky but she continues. “I’ll never be able to express how truly sorry I am for everything. I just wish you would give me a chance to talk to you. Give me a chance to make this right.”

The more he listens, the more pissed he is that his heart still yearns for her. His soft, weak heart wants to dry her tears and hold her close. He’s filling up with rage the more she keeps crying into the phone. Why does she have to play this stupid game with him?

“I love you, Yoongi,” she cries. “I love you so much baby. I’ve been talking with the company trying to get them to make things right. We skipped out on a promo shoot in protest today. I’m doing whatever I can to fix this, but I really want to talk to you. I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss your love.” She breaks down sobbing hard into the phone. “I love you so fucking much it hurts.” She continues sobbing unable to say anything else. After a few moments the recording ends.

Jin isn’t sure what to say. He’s heartbroken for both of them. Hyeri sounded so distraught and Yoongi looks angrily conflicted. Yoongi is very angry right now. He doesn’t want to be himself right now.

“You should talk to her,” Jin encourages. “She’s hurting and we all can tell you are too.”

“No,” Yoongi shakes his head. “I’ll talk to her when we get home. I’m just trying to get through the tour right now.”

“But you barely are,” Jin says bluntly. “No one says you two have to instantly make up and pretend like everything is perfect, but you at least need to talk through this. You’re not talking to her and all you tell us is that you’re fine when you’re not. You need to talk to someone, Yoongi.”

Yoongi knows Jin is right. He does need to talk to someone. He’s been spiraling without anyone to hang on to. He hates this. He hates himself. He hates that he wants to scream and cry. He hates that he’d rather be someone else than deal with the painful emotions he’s been going through.

“Have a drink with me, hyung,” Yoongi says standing and grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the drawer under the tv. If he’s going to talk about this, he’s going to need to numb himself.

“Yoongi-ah,” Jin sighs not wanting to enable Yoongi’s drinking.

“Just one,” Yoongi says pouring a glass for each of them. He hands Jin a glass and sits back down.

Jin accepts mostly because he can sense that Yoongi may finally open up to him. If he gets it out now he may not feel the need to get plastered everyday.

“She didn’t talk to me for two days,” Yoongi says drinking half his glass in one gulp. “I learned everything from Kihyun. Now I have to be the one to give in and let her talk to me after how much she’s hurt me? No, hyung, she’ll wait. I can focus better when she’s not on my mind. I don’t hurt so much when I don’t think of her. It’s better this way.”

“This is better?” Jin asks watching Yoongi inhale the remainder of his drink. “Drinking yourself to oblivion is better?”

“If I’m not on stage then I need something to help numb me.”

“But you drink on stage too! How is that different?”

“I see her in the crowd. I see her singing and dancing and cheering us on. All I can see is her and it fucks me up, hyung!” Yoongi’s voice cracks as he tries to maintain his composure. “I don’t want to see her! I don’t want to hear her or think about her at all! I told her she was fucking up my focus and she decided to call me instead of leaving me alone. On fucking concert day! She pisses me off so much!”

“That’s why you need to talk to her, Yoongi!” Jin hates to see him like this. He hates to see him upset, but even more because it’s manifesting as anger and Jin has known Yoongi far too long to know that it’s a slippery slope. “You’re hurting yourself more by doing this shit so much.” He gestures to his glass of vodka that he hasn’t even taken a sip of yet.

“I can’t be myself if I talk to her,” Yoongi says with tears starting to well in his eyes.

“Why not?” Jin can see the tears and it’s breaking him to see Yoongi this way.

“Because it’ll hurt me too much.”

[missywritesfor7]

IU was my main inspiration for Hyeri in Lifeline.

If you take the Love Wins All video and put Yoongi in place of Tae, that’s pretty much it.

Yes I cried watching the video 🥺

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 5: Drink

Yoongi arrives at the arena with the rest of the members to get ready for soundcheck. The nap he had during his free time was much needed but still not enough. He had a drink before he left his room for a little courage. He ignored a few more messages from Hyeri and went out with his best fake smile on.

Soundcheck was rough but he managed to make it through. He had his usual drink before the start of the show, then another when no one was looking.

Being on stage makes him feel free. The roar of the crowd fills him with adrenaline that powers him through the night. Well, partially. He’s able to get through the night with a little help from Jack Daniels, Hennessy, and a local liquor that was gifted to all of them by the venue.

All 7 of the guys had a drink of the liquor, and that’s the only drink anyone saw Yoongi have. The others he had in mini bottles hidden in his bag. When he saw a chance during the intermissions, he would quickly take a drink and dispose of the bottle before anyone noticed.

Whenever thoughts of Hyeri would try to sneak into his mind, he would look out to the crowd and smile and they would all smile back. He would tell the crowd he loves them and they would say it back. He would tell them that he wants to grow old together and they would all go wild. He asked the crowd if they were proud to have a love like the one between BTS and Army and the place erupted.

The rest of the guys knew why he was saying the things he was saying to the crowd. He’s really down bad, they’re just glad he didn’t have a breakdown in the middle of the stage. The crowd being unaware of what’s really happening are simply cheering and shouting their love towards the group.

Before their encore stage, Yoongi sneaks one more drink. The crowd gives him so much life but he’s still dying inside. The further he can get from being himself the better he feels. At least that’s the illusion that he’s bought into.

Having drank so much throughout the night, Yoongi makes a quick run to the bathroom before going back on stage. At the same time Jin happens to notice the many empty bottles of liquor in the trashcan. He typically wouldn’t think much or even pay attention to what’s in the trashcan, but he couldn’t help but notice the bottles when he was throwing out the tag from his chosen encore headpiece for the night.

Drinking isn’t unusual. The members, staff, crew, and everyone else usually have a drink or two before or after the show. However, Jin knows that if there’s liquor it would be large bottles for everyone to share, not a bunch of small bottles. He doesn’t have to think too hard to figure out where those bottles came from.

During the entire encore set Jin stays close to Yoongi. When the maknaes are running around the stage, Jin wraps his arms around Yoongi. The crowd goes wild enjoying the cute YoonJin moment, but really Jin is just trying to get a feel for how much Yoongi has truly drank tonight. The smell is strong on Yoongi’s breath. Too strong even for Jin who is just as much an alcohol enthusiast as Yoongi.

Jin counted about 6 empty bottles in the trash, but he can’t be sure there’s not more. He can’t do much about what’s done, but he decides he can at least get Yoongi to drink water on stage. Yoongi declined at first but Jin kept offering to the point that he began adding a bit of theatrics to capture the crowd’s attention. Jin knows if the crowd starts to chime in Yoongi may actually drink the water. Even if it’s only a small bit, Jin just wants him to drink something that isn’t straight liquor.

Yoongi laughs along with Jin’s antics then finally takes a drink for the crowd’s pleasure. He doesn’t realize what Jin is really doing, but he doesn’t realize much at all at this point. The show ends without incident but Yoongi’s legs are barely holding up.

“You ok?” Jin asks following Yoongi to his room after they arrive back at the hotel.

“Yeah,” Yoongi says letting Jin in, not that Jin seemed to be giving him a choice. “My body can’t keep up the way it used to,” he chuckles nervously.

“Right,” Jin agrees, though he knows that’s not the case right now. “You know you need to take it easy, we still have tomorrow to get through. Plus Vegas and LA before we get a chance for more rest, then London and Japan, and THEN we’ll be home.” Jin is trying to drive home the point that Yoongi needs to watch his excessive drinking. He knows Yoongi is hurting, but he’s not going to make it through the tour at this rate.

“I know, hyung,” Yoongi nods. “I’ll pace myself better.”

“And how are things with Hyeri?” Jin hates to ask for fear of triggering Yoongi, but he can’t help it.

“Ask her company since she just does everything they say anyway,” Yoongi scoffs.

“Are you two still together?”

“Ask her company,” he repeats rolling his eyes.

“Yoongi,” Jin sighs.

“I know. I know, I’m a fucking mess,” Yoongi finally admits. “I’m just trying to get through the rest of the tour without thinking about it.”

“Do you think that’s doing you any good?” Jin asks bluntly. “Wouldn’t it be easier if you talked it out with her so you both have a clear understanding of where you stand?”

Yoongi knows he’s right, but he doesn’t want to admit it right now. He admitted he’s a mess, that should be good enough. He’ll talk to Hyeri when he returns. Maybe. He didn’t even want to think about her at all. While his body is struggling from the drinks he’s had, his mind was not on Hyeri and now he’s mad that Jin has brought her back to the forefront of his mind.

“Hyung,” Yoongi says. “We tried and I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere right now. I just want to focus on the tour.”

“Ok then,” Jin nods. “Just let me or anyone else know if you need anything. I have some medicine if you need.”

Yoongi nods and Jin leaves the room. Yoongi isn’t sure what kind of medicine Jin means, but now he’s afraid Jin may be catching on to him the way Namjoon is. He realizes he needs to be much more careful. He takes a drink from his nearly empty bottle of cognac and lays across the bed.

The following day is much of the same routine. Except today Yoongi decides to go to a liquor store to take his pick at whatever his heart desires. He leaves from morning rehearsal letting his manager know where he wants to go. The rest of the guys go their separate ways, most back to the hotel. Jungkook and Taehyung go on a journey to find the best pizza, while Namjoon notices Yoongi going his own way. He decides to follow Yoongi to the liquor store.

Namjoon is no fool. He researched the nearby liquor stores and knew Yoongi was bound to go to one. Being limited in time, Namjoon knew he wouldn’t go far. He took a chance and picked one of the two closest stores hoping it would be the same one. His manager drives along and Namjoon realizes halfway there that he chose correctly. The car with Yoongi and his manager are still in front of them going the exact same way. When the cars arrive, Namjoon quickly jumps out and catches Yoongi.

“Hyung!” Namjoon shouts bouncing up next to him. “If I had known you were coming here too we could have taken the same car,” he chuckles trying to seem as natural as possible.

“Oh,” Yoongi says a little startled by Namjoon’s sudden appearance. “Yeah, we could have.” He chuckles nervously as they walk into the store.

“What are you looking for?” Namjoon asks pretending to be interested in the various liquors displayed throughout the store.

“I guess something local. Something I can’t get at home.” That’s the truth. Yoongi loves trying different drinks from around the world. However those drinks usually make it back home with him. He has no intention of bringing whatever he buys here back to Korea.

“We should go live after the show tonight,” Namjoon suggests as he watches Yoongi closely. “I realized we’re the only ones that haven’t done it yet. I saw the fans were talking about it on social. Do you want to come to my room and do it?” He phrases his question in a way that makes it hard for Yoongi to say no. Adding on that the fans have been waiting for them makes it almost impossible to decline.

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods.

Of course he couldn’t say no. Plus he’s still riding a small buzz from the drink he snuck before rehearsal, so he really can’t say no to the chance to see his fans who love him rather than think about Hyeri who was all over the internet again today thanks to her tripping on a curb and cameras capturing Kihyun “cutely” saving her. Makes him sick to his stomach.

“I’ll come to your room,” Yoongi smiles.

In the end Yoongi leaves with a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of tequila. It’s not exactly what he wanted, but Namjoon refused to give him peace. Everything Yoongi set his sights on, Namjoon would suggest something else. Basically anything with a lower alcohol content. He even suggested a drink that wasn’t even alcoholic at all.

In the end Namjoon grabbed some beers and Yoongi grabbed a bottle of whiskey. He was only able to get the bottle of tequila with no protest because it was sitting conveniently near the register so he quickly grabbed it and the cashier rang it up before Namjoon could even comprehend what just happened.

Namjoon still noticed though. It was too late for him to say anything, but that quick move by his hyung told him what he needed to know. He picked up tequila, which he doesn’t drink that often, but also picked one that they have available at home in Korea. Essentially disproving what he said before about looking for something he can’t get at home.

It hurts Namjoon inside because Yoongi isn’t typically like this. He knows Yoongi has only spiraled like this when he’s in the worst of places mentally. It’s a hurt Namjoon can feel even if Yoongi won’t admit to the hurt. It’s a hurt all of the members feel.

It hurts Jin when he smells the newly bought tequila on Yoongi’s breath when they arrive for soundcheck. It hurts Hobi when he sees the dark circles gradually taking over his eyes. It hurts Jimin when he sees Yoongi disappear periodically because he knows it’s only so he can sneak another drink. It hurts Taehyung when Yoongi lies to his face about the empty bottle of liquor in the trash, though Taehyung watched him put it there. It hurts Jungkook to see his hyung become more and more distant, even on stage. It especially hurts Hyeri who’s sent him a message every chance she could and still hasn’t heard a word from him.

She’s devastated and hasn’t been able to find anyone or anything to help her feel better. That’s what Yoongi was to her. Her comfort when she was in pain. She knows she fucked up. Of course it’s too late for her to realize it now. She curses herself for being so stupid and weak. If she hadn’t been so afraid of losing her career she could have stood up for herself and the love of her life wouldn’t be ignoring her calls.

She’s nearly watched her career slip away before it truly took off through no fault of her own. She doesn’t have her members or anyone else to speak up for her. Kihyun certainly would have fought back and she would have piggybacked off of him. He’s an idol too and one thing worse than being in a relationship is being in a fake one with his friend’s girlfriend. It’s starting to make sense to her why they didn’t go to him before putting the statement out.

They both shared their displeasure with the rumors being confirmed, but the company simply shrugged their shoulders and said they couldn’t do anything now that it’s out there. They then went on about the good that will come of it. Their show is set to be a hit and that would open so many new doors. They can stage a breakup after the show is out then it won’t matter anymore.

Hyeri had to keep Kihyun from dropping out of the drama completely. Everything had already been shot and it would be much worse for everyone involved if they had to start all over. He calmed down, but he’s still been clearly annoyed with staff anytime they have to do anything related to the drama. The staff clearly tries keeping the two of them close together and it does nothing to help the already awkward situation they’re in.

After Chicago the guys make it to Las Vegas. Along with Los Angeles, they are the only two stops besides Seoul where they’ll be doing 3 shows. Not only that, but the final night in Vegas will be streamed online.

At the start of the tour Yoongi was excited to do some shopping once they got to Vegas. There were a lot of things he had in mind that he wanted to buy for Hyeri. Now that they’ve made it, he has no desire to buy anything for Hyeri. He barely wants to leave his room. The hotel bar is quite tempting though.

After spending nearly all day in his room, he goes down to the bar for a quick drink. It seems Jungkook had the same idea because he’s already there having a beer. Yoongi considers going back up to his room but Jungkook sees him and waves him over.

“Your favorite team is playing,” Jungkook says pointing to the basketball game playing on the tv. “Want a beer?”

“Sure,” Yoongi says taking a seat.

Jungkook orders one for each of them then immediately regrets it when he smells alcohol on Yoongi’s breath. Jungkook has caught on to Yoongi’s increased drinking, but he didn’t realize it was so bad. He has a sensitive nose, but the alcohol almost smells like it’s coming out of every inch of Yoongi’s skin. He frowns a second then changes his expression to make sure Yoongi doesn’t notice.

“Have you eaten yet?” Jungkook asks. He already knows the answer though, he just wants to see if Yoongi will lie about it.

“Yeah,” Yoongi lies. “I-“

“There’s a restaurant on the top floor, we should go for dinner tonight,” Jungkook interrupts. He knows Yoongi hasn’t eaten. He’s barely been eating at all these past few days. Jungkook decides he’s going to at least get a good meal and some water into Yoongi.

“I-“

“Look, it’s almost halftime and the restaurant has tvs I heard. Let’s go check it out.” Jungkook is doing his best to show as much enthusiasm as he can so Yoongi won’t deny him.

“But, I-“

“My treat, Hyung!” Jungkook interrupts again. “An early birthday gift.”

“Early birthday gift?” Yoongi asks. He nearly forgot it was almost his birthday. Hyeri’s drama is set to premiere the week of his birthday. He’s been wishing he could just sleep through that entire week.

“Come on,” Jungkook says taking Yoongi’s arm and guiding him to the elevators.

Jungkook doesn’t think he’s great with words the way Namjoon is. He doesn’t think he could instantly boost the mood the way Hobi and Jin effortlessly can. He can’t talk Yoongi through anything, and he knows whatever he says likely won’t change anything in Yoongi’s mind. So instead he does the only thing he feels he knows how to do. He takes care of Yoongi.

He wants his hyung to eat well, but he knows he won’t do it on his own. So he buys him whatever he wants on the menu. He knows Yoongi hasn’t been drinking much water if any at all, so he makes sure Yoongi’s cup stays full.

He’s sure the other guys have tried to talk to him about Hyeri. They may have tried to console him or tell him they’d be there for him if he wants to talk. Jungkook doesn’t want to do that. He just wants to have a good dinner with Yoongi since he’s felt like he’s been closing himself off. Jungkook wants to remind Yoongi of the simple pleasures that he’s always enjoyed.

They chat about a little bit of everything, but nothing in particular. Just as they typically would when out for a meal. Jungkook is happy to see Yoongi enjoy his food. He can feel better knowing that Yoongi ate well at least once today.

Yoongi wanted to decline Jungkook’s invitation. He was only looking to get a quick drink or two then slip back into his room. Jungkook seemed so excited though and knowing that he wanted to treat him for his birthday, Yoongi couldn’t possibly say no. He’s happy he came. The food tastes amazing and simply chatting mindlessly with Jungkook turns out to be just the healing he needs right now.

For the first time since he got that text from Kihyun, he’s felt a little lighter. He hasn’t wanted to escape and hide somewhere. He hasn’t felt the need to remain defensive or keep his guard up. For the first time since then he’s actually felt like himself.

When he’s back in his room ready for bed he doesn’t even think to have a drink. Instead he finishes off a bottle of water and lays down thinking how grateful he is for Jungkook right now.

[missywritesfor7]

I once again find myself here 😅

Me writing: I think this character has been through enough trauma already.

Also me: *adds more trauma*

[missywritesfor7]

Hope your doing okay! Cause your always on time with updates. Sorry I’m really just hoping all is well! And I can wait for the end of Moon Light!

I feel soooo terrible for just now seeing this!! Forgive me 🥺

Based on the date this was sent, this was the time my nephew made an early entrance into the world so things suddenly got crazy and exciting, but all good! Thank you for checking and thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the end of Moon’s Light 💜💜

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 4: Who?

Yoongi is lucky today is a travel day. He sleeps the entire journey to their next stop in Chicago. Frankly, he looks awful and the guys can tell. They’re worried especially since the next night is day 1 of their 2 back to back nights of concerts.

When Yoongi gets to his room he immediately pours himself a glass of whiskey from the minibar. He sips it first until there’s a knock at the door. Instead of putting his drink down, he downs the entire glass in one go then goes to the door to see Namjoon standing there.

“Hey, hyung,” Namjoon says as Yoongi lets him in.

“Hey,” Yoongi replies. He’s not sure why Namjoon is at his door when they just saw each other a few minutes ago.

“I just wanted to talk to you and see how you’re doing.” Namjoon takes a seat at the edge of the bed and gestures for Yoongi to do the same. “I don’t want to seem like I’m prying or anything, I just couldn’t help but overhear you last night.”

“Oh,” Yoongi sighs remembering that Namjoon’s room was right next to his. “Yeah,” he nods. “I’m ok.”

Namjoon frowns at the smell of whiskey that comes from Yoongi’s breath. Paired with the shouting he heard last night, he knows that Yoongi is not ok the way he says he is.

“Are you sure?” Namjoon asks. “Are you and Hyeri ok?”

“Pfft,” Yoongi scoffs. “She’d rather have people believe lies than the truth. I’m doing just fine.”

“Hyung…” the smell of alcohol is very strong now.

“If that’s what she wants then fine. What can I do when I’m all the way over here anyway?”

“Did you drink on the flight?” Namjoon asks, though he knows the smell is much too fresh to be from their flight.

“Oh, yeah,” Yoongi lies. “Just a small drink.”

“I see.” Namjoon nods knowing that’s not the truth. “You know you can always talk to me, or any of us, if you need to. We understand how hard it may be for you.”

“Thanks. I’m fine though.”

“Ok,” Namjoon says standing. “I just wanted to make sure. Still, I’m here for you.”

“I appreciate it.”

Namjoon reluctantly leaves knowing Yoongi is lying. He’s afraid Yoongi is going to spiral into something self destructive, but he knows Yoongi won’t admit to not being ok until he’s far beyond that.

Jimin, who had the room on the other side of Yoongi last night, finally mentioned to Namjoon before their flight the amount of drinks he saw Yoongi have during the show. He also heard Yoongi screaming on the phone and couldn’t stay silent. That’s why Namjoon came to check on Yoongi. He was hoping it wouldn’t be so bad, but once he smelled the alcohol on Yoongi’s breath he knew it wasn’t good.

Yoongi didn’t want to worry anyone. He can tell Namjoon knows something is up. He doesn’t want the rest of the group worrying about his well-being, especially when it’s all because of Hyeri. They should be focused on the tour, not him being painfully in love with someone who doesn’t seem to care about him or his feelings. He pours himself another drink and downs it faster than he did the last.

He can’t rest at all. He chooses not to spend the day seeing the sights of the city and instead stays in his room. He doesn’t eat much but he drinks plenty. With each sip he goes back and forth between feelings of sadness and anger. He starts to despise himself more and more because he hurts. He’s so angry. He wishes he could be someone else for once.

It gets late and room service has ended. Yoongi asked a manager to bring him a bottle of gin earlier, but he’s already finished the bottle so he’s afraid he may be questioned if he asks for another. He drank to the point of not feeling like himself anymore and he wants to stay in that phase. It feels freeing.

It’s after midnight and Yoongi decides to go out on his own. He would usually need a manager to go with him, but he doesn’t want them to know. He doesn’t want anyone to know. He sneaks out to his app requested ride and gets dropped off at a bar far enough from the hotel to avoid being seen.

Unfortunately this bar is a bit more lively than he expected. He was hoping for a low key bar where he could quietly have a few drinks then sneak his way back to the hotel. Instead he’s circling the place until he finds a slightly secluded spot in a back corner. He orders a drink and simply people watches.

The couples dancing and having a great time together makes him sick. He orders a second drink. He notices a girl with a haircut similar to Hyeri’s. He orders a shot. Why is his mind on her anyway? He came here to escape, not allow her to rule every one of his thoughts. He orders another drink.

“You’re too cute to be so shy.”

“What?” Yoongi looks over to the direction of the voice and sees a woman in a red crop top and skin tight leather pants with long brunette hair approaching him.

“Sorry,” the woman says sitting next to him. “You looked like you were trying to find some courage.” She gestures to the empty glasses on the table.

“Oh,” Yoongi forces a smile. “No, I’m just enjoying myself.”

“Then you’re definitely too cute to be here drinking alone,” she smiles. “You look like you could use a friend.”

“I look that sad?” He chuckles.

“That’s not what I meant,” she laughs. “I just hate to see someone who looks like you sitting alone in a place like this.” She pauses and looks him over. His eyes are red though she isn’t sure if it’s from drinking or crying. Either way, her main focus is just having a good time. “You seem like you’re trying to forget something.”

“You’re good,” he laughs finishing his drink. Thanks to drinking all day and now her presence, he feels like he’s pretty close to finally forgetting.

“Whatever you’re trying to forget, I can help you,” she says leaning in.

“How so?”

“Have a drink on me,” she smiles.

“Sure,” he nods.

Normally he would decline. Normally he would think about how unsafe it could be to have someone else order a drink for him. Normally Yoongi wouldn’t be somewhere like this in the first place at this hour. But right now he doesn’t feel like Yoongi.

She tells him her name is Sarah, and that she frequents this bar often. Not wanting anyone to find out he’s here, Yoongi tells her his name is Austin and he’s visiting from out of town. Sarah begins telling him about the best places to go in the city. What to see, where to eat, and the best shops. They chat and drink a bit more until Yoongi realizes he probably needs to head back to the hotel. When he starts to request a ride, Sarah stops him.

“Let me drive you,” she says placing a hand on his arm.

“Really?” He asks.

“Sure,” she smiles. “I’ll show you how nice people really are in this city.”

Usually Yoongi would decline. He’s already done a lot of things that are out of character for him. But he’s not Yoongi right now, he’s Austin.

He follows Sarah out to her car under the 2am moonlight. Yoongi wouldn’t dare tell anyone the hotel he’s staying at, but Austin does. Sarah gets ready to drive off but she pauses before putting the car in gear.

“You’re a really cool person, Austin,” she smiles. She reaches her hand over and touches his thigh. “You seemed a bit down at first, but I see that you’re just someone who’s hurting. I don’t know why you’re hurting, but since we may never see each other again, I’d like to help you hurt a little less.”

“What makes you want to do that for me?” He asks too drunk to care about her touch on his thigh when he normally doesn’t like for anyone to touch him. Except Hyeri. The thought of her suddenly burns him up inside.

“Because you’re a nice person.”

“Nice?” He asks almost offended. Nice is why Hyeri is all over the internet as Kihyun’s girlfriend and not his. Nice is why he hurts so damn much. “But what if I’m actually not nice?”

“Are you saying you’re not nice?” She tilts her head.

“Not at this hour,” he smirks. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying but his hurt and anger are riding the waves of all the drinks he’s had today and he’s in no position to stop it.

“Oh?” She smiles. “Let me get you back to your hotel.”

She puts the car in drive and takes off for Yoongi’s hotel. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience the entire ride. How did he end up in the car with someone he just met at a bar. He has no security and no one even knows he’s gone. If things go bad, they could be really bad.

It’s not until he sees the hotel in the distance that he begins to breathe a sigh of relief. Instead of dropping him off at the front door he asks her to drop him off in the back. It would be easier for him to slip in unnoticed that way and he’ll just take the stairs up a floor then take the elevator to avoid anyone at the front desk seeing him. Before he can get the car door open she stops him.

“Wait,” she says touching his arm. “Let me give you something before you go.”

Sarah unhooks her seatbelt and leans in close to his face. She pauses a moment looking his face over. He would never be in a position like this. Not as Yoongi at least, but tonight he’s Austin and Austin is filled with rage because he spent most of the ride thinking about Hyeri. He spent most of the ride wishing Yoongi would stop hurting so Austin can have a good time. So Austin takes over and connects his lips with Sarah’s. She looks back at him and smiles.

That kiss did nothing but further fuel the fire burning in him. He goes after her lips again much more aggressively. Her hand travels up his thigh until it meets the angry bulge in his pants.

“I’ll help you with this.” She unbuttons his pants and releases his cock from its prison.

He’s in another world right now. He’s beyond drunk and he feels like he’s not even awake anymore. The moment her lips connect with his warm tip he feels a rush of blood shoot through his body in a fiery blaze.

“Fuck,” he moans. He grabs a handful of her hair as she moves her mouth up and down his shaft.

Her tongue feels amazing. The way her hand massages his balls makes his toes curl. The way the tiny voice in his head reminds him that this isn’t quite as good as Hyeri’s mind numbing blowjob makes him mad. He clinches his jaw and tightens his grip in Sarah’s hair.

Fuck Hyeri for everything.

He powerfully bucks his hips up hitting the back of her throat. She gags a second but continues her motions. He hits her with another thrust with an animalistic growl. She moans around him and he can’t help but lift her head by her hair to look at her dick drunk face. The mischievous smile on her face burns him up more.

“You still seem a bit too nice,” she teases.

“Are you saying you want me to be meaner?” He asks pulling her hair more.

“Do your worst, baby,” she smiles.

Baby. Who the fuck does she think she is to call him that? He’s not her baby. He’s no one’s baby. He doesn’t want to hear anyone call him that again.

“If that’s what you want,” he growls through his teeth.

With his fingers still tightly wound in her hair, he pulls her back to his cock and shoves himself as far into her mouth as he can. She takes him all like a pro. She hums like a savant. And her hand returning to massage his balls feels so good it pisses him off.

He’s so drunk that he can’t stop. He’s so pissed that he can’t help but hit the back of her throat harder with each thrust. He’s not himself and he doesn’t care. Fuck Yoongi and his feelings. Austin wants revenge.

“Get ready,” He growls nearing his peak.

She hums her acknowledgment as he continues controlling her head movements.

“Fuck,” he groans.

His hips thrust into her hard then he holds her head at the base of his shaft with his entire length inside of her mouth. All of his burning hot rage goes shooting down her throat, and she swallows every drop.

When his vision returns to normal, he releases his hold on her and takes a deep breath. She looks back up at him filled with lust. To her that was amazing. She likes it rough and wanted to see how far she could push him. He did not disappoint and now she wants even more.

“Thanks for the ride,” Yoongi says buttoning his pants back up. “I really appreciate it.”

“Do you really have to go now?” She pouts. She was hoping she could at least get him to invite her back to his room.

“Yeah,” he responds. He’s drunk but not so drunk that he doesn’t realize that taking anyone back to his room would be an absolutely terrible idea. Especially since he and everyone else will need to be awake in just 4 more hours. “Who knows, maybe we’ll meet again.” He smiles at her then steps out of the car before she can say anything else.

Getting back to his room was a challenge. Not because he thought he would be seen, but because he’s so drunk it’s hard to walk. Plus he just got a toe curling blow job that he hasn’t recovered from yet, he’s lucky his legs are holding him up at all. He immediately sheds his clothes and passes out on the bed.

He wakes up to the sound of his alarm going off a short 4 hours later and he feels terrible. His head is throbbing and his vision is spinning. He has about an hour to pull himself together before heading off to rehearsal followed by a couple of interviews. There’ll be some free time before soundcheck and he hopes he’ll be able to get a nap in because he needs way more sleep.

He tries his best at rehearsal. He put ice on his eyes to make them look less puffy. Eye drops to help with the redness and dryness. Plenty of mouthwash to mask the alcohol on his breath, especially since he had another glass of whiskey thinking he’d take the ‘hair of the dog’ approach to getting over his hangover. Despite all of this, it’s hard for him to muster up the energy.

The rest of the guys notice but say nothing. Jimin and Namjoon agreed they would keep an eye on Yoongi, but they don’t want to alert the others unless they feel it’s gone far out of hand. The sting of Hyeri’s fake relationship is still very fresh and they can understand that he’d take it hard. He’s a man going through some things so it’s natural that he’d drink a little more than usual right now. They don’t want to cause concern with everyone that could impact their performances.

Thankfully for Yoongi, they have no idea how much he drank yesterday. They have no idea he went out on his own just to drink more. He can barely even remember everything that happened last night, but he remembers being so far away from reality that he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

He knows he was able to relieve some tension with the help of some woman whose name he doesn’t even remember. It doesn’t matter though, he released a lot of anger because Hyeri kept popping up in his mind. She’s all he could think of and he was so pissed about it that he released his rage into the back of a complete stranger’s throat.

Yoongi is sluggish through most of the day. He’s thankful that Namjoon does most of the talking during their American interviews, so he can just sit in the back and pretend like he doesn’t understand anything. When they finish and get their free time, Yoongi passes right out in his bed.

Things aren’t looking good to Namjoon and Jimin. Namjoon had a moment of desperation and reached out to Hyeri to ask her side of things. He didn’t hint to her anything about Yoongi’s status, he only told her that he’s taking it hard. She told Namjoon about their conversation that night and that she’s been trying to talk to Yoongi again but he’s not answering.

Hyeri called Namjoon and cried to him for an hour about how much she’s hurting and how she doesn’t want to lose Yoongi. She knows he’s pissed and she doesn’t blame him for it, she just wants to try to make it right. She even talked to her company about possibly announcing their breakup sooner rather than later so that she and Kihyun won’t have to keep pretending. With Kihyun being Yoongi’s friend and Hyeri being his actual girlfriend, things have gone very awkward between them. Hyeri is just glad they’re already done shooting the show because the great chemistry they had is now awkward and almost painful.

Namjoon admitted to Hyeri that Yoongi isn’t taking it well and he’s worried. He told her about his drinking that has gone far beyond his usual amount. Then he asks the question that he’s been trying to figure out.

“Are you two still together?” Namjoon asks. He’s aware of all of the hurt between the two of them, but no one has said specifically what the status of their relationship is.

“Namjoon,” she sighs. “I’m not even sure. He told me whether I’m here or not when he gets back is up to me. I don’t know what that means and he won’t answer me to give clarification. I just…” she pauses trying to hold back another wave of tears. “I love him, and I miss him, and I know this is all my fault, but I’m regretting everything I’ve ever done in my life. Namjoon, it hurts so much.”

Namjoon doesn’t know what to say. Perhaps there’s nothing he can say. If Yoongi won’t answer her at all what could he do? All he can do is try to keep him from spiraling too deep into alcoholism, and do his best to keep the atmosphere light at all times. It’s hard though. So incredibly hard.