mjseesphere

[mjseesphere]

Sis, please tell me, how do I LISTEN?

It’s not that I can’t HEAR, I can feel it, it’s just that I’m not LISTENING.

How? How do I listen to my Body? How do I listen to GOD? How do I listen to my spirit, to life, to the experiences and lessons that come for me? I keep ending up in the same situations over and over again: broke & unemployed, angry and short tempered, desperate, lonely and self-isolating; overwhelmed with all the negative and all I WANT to be doing that I shut down and turn everything off and close my mind and my heart to everything and everyone.

I lost my brother 4 years ago, the love of my life, my best friend & cheerleader, virtually my dad, as I didn’t grow up with mine. I couldn’t handle it, I’ve never experienced loss like this. I turned it all off and threw my spirit, along with my hopes, dreams, will to live and self worth into a box and down into a Black Sea of grief and heartbreak 💔 Now, I can’t find that box anymore…I can HEAR it screaming to me, but I’m not listening close enough to find it. What do I do?

Hey Sweetie, sorry to hear of your pain! I can relate as I lost my brother suddenly over 7 years ago and we were sooo close. It was pain I had never experienced. As for closing off and shutting down, this was also my coping mechanism. The main thing is, is that everything you write is totally possible to overcome. I'll put some tips below, take what you need and DM me if you need more support xoxox

The broken record, the keep making the same mistake pains. Spend some time analysing these. Where was the window that you could of made a change? For example. If in relationships you loose your temper when a guy doesn't message back. Where is the window in that process for change? Bring light to it. Is it learning to say no to men who show you early on that they are crappy with messaging? Is it not sleeping with them too soon so you can see their true colours? Really observe the cycle. And drill down on where you can see your set back. Once you can see the pattern and the behaviour keeping you stuck. You can move into prevention. If X happens, I will now do X. Keep reminding yourself of this. Keep reminding yourself of your new behaviour.. Daily, even outside of the situation, keep reminding yourself if X happens I will now do X. And this is the PRE step , this is making the change before you end up in the gutter. This is your preventative action. When you feel ready ask God for a test. He WILL deliver.

Stop breaking your own promises. Learn to build trust with yourself. Start small, this is how you build self respect, and move forward. This really affects your whole being. If you say you are going to make your bed start making it. Start small and build some trust inside, this is how you gently start listening to yourself, and responding. Once that trust is there and you become that person to yourself that you can rely on you can move to bigger goals.

Have an outlet to process your emotions. Create space to cry and feel if you are someone who does not have ability to do this day to day. Carve out some you time for reflection. I struggled to cry when I was grieving as a child I was not allowed to show emotion with my abuser, so during my grief my emotions became so clogged up. I would have to carve out time to FEEL. Sometimes it was journalling, but movies allow me to feel so i would sit with a box of tissues sobbing my heart out to any random movie. Do what you need to give yourself space and freedom to process and feel.

Get a therapist if possible, if not lean on youtube, podcasts, books. There are so many amazing books, I recommend Marianne Williams - Return to Love. This is a great book for healing and references to God.

Find a community, you need a support system. Through Church, through new hobbies, through existing friends let them know what you are going through and let them know what you need from them. Maybe you just need your best friend to listen instead of doing xyz, let them know. Part of asking for help is knowing what your needs are. What are your needs for yourself? What do you need right now? What do you need from you ?

Become DEVOTED to your self - care and self - love. This should be your first and foremost priority. Healing from deep wounds of loss requires extra love and care for you, so let this be your main priority.

Cleanse your life of all the pollution. See yourself as the ocean, keep your ocean clean. What music is polluting your ocean? What people are toxic to your waters? What actions are you taking that harming your beautiful seas? Take inventory and start making adjustments. Remember, the ego will be overwhelmed if you go hard on all these changes. Imagine a swinging pendulum. Going too far to one side will only mean swinging to far to the opposite side. With the above, try to find some middle ground when introducing new habits. Be kind to yourself, and keep a check of your inner voice. Are you living in an internal war zone? Imagine yourself as a small child, how would you treat her? Love her? Care for her? Wash her? Feed her?

[mjseesphere]

Fill your life with activities that FILL you up. Not things that fill your friends up, your family up, this is about you and making this year, the most wholesome year of your life yet…

Your favourite author is doing a book tour, go check it out. The women’s conference an 8hr flight away in six months time. Book it. The hiking. The music event, the painting classes. Whatever it is, become a wholesome person. Become a person who lives a life of passion. For yourself first and foremost, and this involves making PLANS. Don’t let this be another year where life passes you by. Where you think about how nice it would be to see your favourite music artist live, but you never booked the tickets, where you think it would be amazing to write that book, but never made time for it. That you think it would be amazing to hike on the weekends, but you didn’t even go. This year is fuelled by loving action. Expansiveness. New experiences, people, connections, your whole world is about to grow.

[mjseesphere]

My blood, nerves and heart have gone through insane because my brain tells me I can't feel pain.

[mjseesphere]

Amphibia: Frog

I found this adorable living organism. And I just thought how delicate and versatile it is.

[mjseesphere]

It's exhausting to accept liabilities over assets, isn't it?

[mjseesphere]

"Many people fail to achieve success is because they fail to fail enough times. "

~Robert Kiyosaki~

You are eagerly anticipating the arrival of the first day of January. And look forward to what is coming rather than what has failed you over the past years. What is the reason and how?

To say it bluntly, it's because of our brain. Our brain is the control unit of all the systems, such as the steering wheel, which manage the car's parts and its directions. However, you hold the belief that life is a game. Have you tried playing games regardless of whether it's indoor or outdoor games?

You perceive yourself as merely players. Sometimes you win or lose battles, but you are vastly familiar with the prevalence of winners over losers. In case you either watch TV news or read newspapers. Successful people are those who embrace imperfections, including failing trillions of times in their lives.

As stated in the quotes above, if you are petrified of risking failure, then you cannot envision success!

[mjseesphere]

Once you welcome positive people in your life then its all yours–hold their hands tight!

[mjseesphere]

Do you have stories on this site or just sayings?

Greatest apologies for just taking a blind eye to your question.

Hmm... Where do I start?

Stories is broad topic to me but, if you asked for a long story a novel like, I don't have it here. I only posted in this space some quotes that hopefully could aid those who are at the downtrodden side. I included some short song in this space. Also, For the pass 2 years I wrote and posted some silly and cringed question and now still, I'm reading it by myself and make a lot of sense to me. And pondered about the things that I should improve!

Flash back a little buddy, back in 2019 when the CoVid 19 spread all over the globe. Everything changed, the way I/we lived in!

Anything I do is limited, I can't visit my friends and talked about something else whether it's sensible or insensible topic.

And on top of all of those things, holiday is coming like Christmas and New Year which is significant events that should be celebrated with the family and friends but didn't happened so I'm so sad about it not able to celebrate with the people closes to my heart. And for the entire day of the holiday, I lock myself in my room. Then comes up that I got bored thus, I switched on my phone and browsed and browsed until such time I came across with the social platforms that is suited for an avid reader like me. I engrossed myself to reading for a day, without the complete cared of the time. As I've read, my thoughts wondered if I could wrote a story about the situation that we all experienced of, then it would be fun. On the social media platforms(I don't want to mention it here) not tumblr cos I just met this app later on after I wrote and published my first ever long story which is correlated with the CoVid 19 situation.

Damn, I'm so loud, right?

You might found me annoying hehe...

Hopefully I've answer your brave and curious thoughts about my space.

:>

[mjseesphere]

It's pass 2 years since we met and now, finally, we–meet!

Hope is manifesting!

[mjseesphere]

One of my fav things to do is to:

•listen to the music to any social media platforms or apps that music is accessible.

And I thought that, we have different ways to like and love the music.

In my case, basically I adore music by its lyrics not that I'm a lyricist or whatever you call it but, I'm just blown away by those written words and sometimes those simple words help me get going in life.

I/you won't lie, right?!

That life is cruel and tough sometimes. Specifically when you don't find a way to divert your anxiety to something else like music, painting and many more.

I listen to different singers and song-writers is a plus for me if I listen to their music.

And my favorite lines that I would never forget is:

"The sharp knife of a short life"

–by: Kimberly Perry

It tells about the sad thing about life.

As human being, by nature we are an emotive species.

I/you feel happy when we are excited about something or inspired of, and on one hand, we tend to be sad or lonely about something, specially when we have heartaches over something or you are longing for someone that won't ever come back to you again.

Damn, life makes sense sometimes, right?

Nonetheless, This is the cycle of life that could only offer to us– to life(by birth) and end(through death).

Still, everyday I find a basic lessons in life.

To–always find hope in this mysterious life that I, you and we, live in.

[mjseesphere]

Darn, the time when we fell apart made me realized how much I needed you!

Sympathy?, don't– I. do. not. need. any. of. them.

Possibly, I badly needed your empathy more than anything else–

Will you listen to me?

Do I have all your ears?

Could you kept my secret?

In life:

I met these two types of person, one is "All over me" and apparently the other one "Isn't over me". Haizz, how pathetic to hear, isn't it?! However, I got to met them not in my wildest dreams but, in person.

Have you ever met, persons like them?

Would you mind telling me?

...I'm. all. ears.

[mjseesphere]

It is better to speak now not sooner or later...

P.S.

🎵

Welcome me on July cos–

Its been a long time coming!

Be honest with you, I'm glad to be back in this space hehe

[mjseesphere]

“Don’t do something permanently stupid just because you’re temporarily upset.”

— Unknown

[mjseesphere]

My thoughts is about to explode. Often times it hurts.

[mjseesphere]

I figure out what I'm unable of– the moment I lose you.

[mjseesphere]

Fill your eyes with E-delights, but thoughts wanders' and hearts' is in chain.

Have you ever lost, half of the pigments of your life?

Did you eternally recover after missing the piece of your well kept memories?

How can you stand still after you fall once?

How will you keep your life going?

[mjseesphere]

Every day is afresh start to me to--- EXPERIENCE that brings up LIFE LESSONS and from SWEETNESS to BITTERNESS. Indeed, its fun! Isn’t it?