mold-wizard

[mold-wizard]

So it turns out as long as you put instructions in rhyme and make them sound vaguely mysterious, adventurers will assume they're some vital clue to get to an important place in the dungeon and follow them unquestioningly.

It's amazing how many adventurers have seen the rhyming inscription in the entrance hall to my dungeon and followed the instructions right into the one-way portal to the worm dimension.

[mold-wizard]

Unless of course there's something you really really want and you're really sure that you've come up with ironclad wording that the demon definitely won't be able to find a clever loophole in despite having millennia of experience in dealing with this exact sort of thing.

Remember, wizard kids, just say no to demonic pacts.

[mold-wizard]

Remember, wizard kids, just say no to demonic pacts.

[mold-wizard]

Being a hive mind with multiple host bodies has its advantages.

Some of you have never been devoured by ravenous ghouls and it shows.

[mold-wizard]

Some of you have never been devoured by ravenous ghouls and it shows.

[mold-wizard]

Ancient cursed grimoires: Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

[mold-wizard]

Also, in case you were thinking the same thing I was, if the first fireball doesn't help much, casting a second fireball on the oven does not make things any better. If anything, I think it made things significantly worse.

Okay, lesson learned: When a recipe says to preheat an oven to 350 degrees, casting fireball on the oven does not help as much as you'd think it would.

[mold-wizard]

Okay, lesson learned: When a recipe says to preheat an oven to 350 degrees, casting fireball on the oven does not help as much as you'd think it would.

[mold-wizard]

Okay, two things:

What are you doing casting spells if you're a mad scientist? You want wizards to start horning in on your territory and building giant ray guns?

What made you think I was ever able to focus in the first place?

Why do you hear so much more about mad scientists than mad wizards? I assure you, wizards are at least as prone to madness as scientists are.

Hell, one of the things mad scientists are best known for is creating monsters. You know who else is notorious for creating monsters? That's right. Wizards.

[mold-wizard]

Huh, so a hallway in my wizard tower unexpectedly manifested a door to the Soup Dimension.

I don't know how this happened, but I'm not complaining, because, you know, sometimes I'm in the mood for soup.

[mold-wizard]

Why do you hear so much more about mad scientists than mad wizards? I assure you, wizards are at least as prone to madness as scientists are.

Hell, one of the things mad scientists are best known for is creating monsters. You know who else is notorious for creating monsters? That's right. Wizards.

[mold-wizard]

Just put an illusionary floor one inch above the real floor of the second level of my wizard tower.

That may sound pointless, but you'd be surprised how much it makes adventurers stumble and discourages further exploration.

[mold-wizard]

Well, at least I can take some satisfaction in the fact the lichen wizard decided to keep my host body (as opposed to the yeast wizard's or the alga wizard's). Yeah, I know how to pick 'em. I've said before that slime guy I infested was pretty much the perfect host body.

Okay, so, most of my followers should know that I'm a fungal hivemind possessing multiple host bodies, right? Well, it turns out the part of me possessing one of my host bodies recently met a yeast wizard and an alga wizard, and the three of them decided to combine into a lichen wizard.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about that.

[mold-wizard]

Wait, didn't they use to control 95%? What happened? Why the loss of influence?

bone serpents now control 90% of continental north america

[mold-wizard]

Okay, so, most of my followers should know that I'm a fungal hivemind possessing multiple host bodies, right? Well, it turns out the part of me possessing one of my host bodies recently met a yeast wizard and an alga wizard, and the three of them decided to combine into a lichen wizard.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about that.

[mold-wizard]

Which can come in handy for wizards, because it turns out those shed skins are super easy to animate, so if you want some sort of ghost reptile guardians, there's an easy way to get them.

(Yeah, obviously they're not really ghosts, but adventurers don't know that, so they'll waste their undead-fighting spells and abilities on them and then be in trouble when you sic the real ghosts on them later.)

Some reptiles shed their outer layer in one full piece.

[mold-wizard]

Are you sure the world isn't ready?

There's one way to find out...

Yeah, okay, I was feeling kind of uninspired so my latest cursed amulet is just... it's kind of a choose-your-own-curse thing. Yeah, you just decide on the curse yourself. Make sure it's something suitably unpleasant, though. You're on the honor system here.