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[moognam1]

Perfection Chapter 3: A Lover’s Sin

Moonlight spills through an open window, illuminating every nook and cranny in a dark hospital room, accompanying silent howls of wind singing the songs of forgotten tales. At the corner of the room a boy with silk, black hair bouncing back the moonlight on to his porcelain pale skin, long dark eyelashes and blood-red lips sleeps on an armchair. The serene light casted upon the boy made him look like a ghost who is ready to disappear any given moment. But Neoma was focused on something else. This sight of Lucien sleeping across from her was nothing new. Though she can’t get enough of this sight, she tried not to look at it, or else she’d be entranced again with every tick of time passing by, seeing as the boy in front of her bathing in moonlight turn from a celestial being of the night into the god of Rah as dusk settled in. So instead of coming off as a creep, she turned her back against him and instead was entranced by her cell-phone, tapping on “next chapter” cliff-hanger after cliff-hanger, whilst cussing at the author for not letting her finally go to sleep.

‘I’d be damned if this goes on’

A deep yawn escapes from my lips as I again fall for the trap called “next chapter”. With heavy eyes I look up at the clock. 3:09 am. Sleepy limbs hinder me from sitting up but my urge to quench my dry throat won over my heavy body and I proceed to drag my limp body to the bathroom to fetch myself a glass of water. With an almost empty glass in my left hand I watch the night scenery outside the window. Snowflakes slowly danced their way to the ground and sharp cool air blew through my white nightgown, sending a shiver down my spine. Something about that gust of wind made me uneasy yet like a sirens song it bewitched me to the window. I put my glass on a table by the window and lay half asleep my head on my arms, resting on the windowsill. As I was ready to enter the land of fantasies I notice a quite peculiar man sitting on a bench down on the clinics entrance-way. In my sleep-deprived state the white powder surrounding him looked like clouds and something deep inside me urged to be by his side. Icicle pierce the sole of my feet and with a snap out of an entrancement I find myself only a few meters away from him. Outside, the wind blew stronger than I expected and though I stood bare-feet on snow without a jacket to at least cover my upper body, I didn’t feel cold. I inspect the man across me. There he sat on the white covered bench looking up at the moon. Though the winds were almost slashing strong, a faint whisper glide off the hood on his coat from his head, uncovering snow-white hair and an ethereal face of a man in his late 20s. Examining his face I found my feet proceeding to take steps towards that man although I can’t remember sending my feet a signal to move but I also didn’t stop them. The torturing yearning in his eyes as he looked up at the moon agonized my heart. What must someone do to earn such terror on ones face? I sit beside him following his gaze to the moon. Something about this view was like a deja-vu. Now both of us watch as white flakes fall from the sky disappearing in the light of the nights goddess, then reappearing and melting on the white carpet.

“Isn’t she beautiful tonight?”

The silence is interrupted with a brittle voice.

‘Does he mean the moon?’

I dared not to speak.

“What I would do too see her once again.”

I take my eyes off the moon to look at him, only to see that he already broke his gaze from the moon, yet the longing in his eyes remained the same. He looked at me like I was the person he was oh, so longing for but deep inside my soul I knew these gentle eyes were not meant for me.

“Do you love her that much?”

I asked him with a quiet voice. His pale hand reached after a strand of hair in front of my sight, tucking it behind my ears. I know this gentleness wasn’t for me but oh, how I wished someone would handle me as fragile as he does.

Here I sit in the snow with no shoes nor a jacket but only a thin linen cloth covering my frail body, shivering not from the cold around me but by the touch from the icy fingers of this man’s hand.

“Just promise me that you’ll keep your word.”

His voice was breaking. If it weren’t for his clear eyes I would have almost been deceived into thinking that he was about to cry. But his eyes were dry. So dry not even the glistening moonlight could be reflected on that soulless stare. His gaze returns to the full moon upon us. How sinful must you have to be, to deserve such torture while looking at your most loved one so heavenly?

[moognam1]

Perfection chapter 2: Inescapable Fait

‘What just happened? This was not the outcome I expected from such actions.’

I was taken back from the sweet fantasy I have just experienced. I might have just met him but this setting was usually the moment where the ML kisses the protagonist after both falling in love at first sight.

‘Years of romance-trope academy wasted.’

With a perplexed face I watch him rummaging inside his jacket’s right pocket, only to take out a piece of wrapped candy. He stretches out his right hand towards me and my gaze switch between the candy and his eyes indicating that I should take it. I take the piece of candy from his hand slowly, not because I was hesitant from taking candy from a stranger -which by the way, you shouldn’t do children - but because I was startled from his offer. The candy now in my possession, his eyebrows start to wrinkle with a kind of eager squint.

‘Does he want me to eat this?’

I open the pink wrapper revealing a cotton candy colored sweet inside and place it in my mouth. It not only has the colour of cotton candy but even taste like it. A smile crept onto my lips as I tasted the candy’s delighted sweetness and a bright smile forms on the lips of the boy standing in front of me. As his eyes started to sparkle, he starts to rummage in his other pocket and proceeds to take out every candy he has left in it and gives them to me. Without a second thought I form my hands into a bowl-like shape and he fills it with the little wrapped sugary.

‘I’m actually not really the sweet tooth but if eating sweets meant seeing this cute face of someone so gorgeous, then maybe I’ll have to change my taste palette.’

I find myself smiling genuinely for the first time since my last performance and even though it was odd, I didn’t hate this sensation. I held out my hand to shake with his and with a slight uncertainty he reached out.

Neoma: “Lucien, right? I’m Neoma. Nice to meet you.”

.・゜゜・ ✧༺☾༻∞ ◦ ❈ ◦ ∞༺☽༻✧ ・゜゜・． 

Moonlight spills through an open window, illuminating every nook and cranny in a dark hospital room, accompanying silent howls of wind singing the songs of forgotten tales. At the corner of the room a boy with silk, black hair bouncing back the moonlight onto his porcelain pale skin, long dark eyelashes and blood-red lips sleeps on an armchair. The serene light casted upon the boy made him look like a ghost who is ready to disappear any given moment. But Neoma was focused on something else. This sight of Lucien sleeping across from her was nothing new. Though she can’t get enough of this sight, she tried not to look at it, or else she’d be entranced again with every tick of time passing by, seeing as the boy in front of her bathing in moonlight turn from a celestial being of the night into the god of Rah as dusk settled in. So instead of coming off as a creep, she turned her back against him and instead was entranced by her cell-phone, tapping on “next chapter” cliff-hanger after cliff-hanger, whilst cussing at the author for net letting her finally go to sleep.

‘I’d be damned if this goes on’

A deep yawn escapes from my lips as I again fall for the trap called “next chapter”. With heavy eyes I look up at the clock. 3:09 am. Sleepy limbs hinder me from sitting up but my urge to quench my dry throat won over my heavy body and I proceed to drag my limp body to the bathroom to fetch myself a glass of water. With an almost empty glass in my left hand I watch the night scenery outside the window. Snowflakes slowly danced their way to the ground and sharp cool air blew through my white nightgown, sending a shiver down my spine. Something about that gust of wind made me uneasy yet like a sirens song it bewitched me to the window. I put my glass on a table by the window and lay half asleep my head on my arms, resting on the windowsill. As I was ready to enter the land of fantasies I notice a quite peculiar man sitting on a bench down on the clinics entrance-way. In my sleep-deprived state the white powder surrounding him looked like clouds and something deep inside urged me to be by his side. Icicle pierce the sole of my feet and with a snap out of an entrancement I find myself only a few meters away from him. Outside the wind blew stronger than I expected and though I stood bare-feet on snow without a jacket to at least cover my upper body, I didn’t feel cold. I inspect the man across me. There he sat on the white covered bench looking up at the moon. Though the winds were almost slashing strong, a faint whisper glide off the hood on his coat from his head, uncovering snow-white hair and an ethereal face of a man in his late 20s. Examining his face I found my feet proceeding to take steps towards that man although I can’t remember sending my feet a signal to move but I also didn’t stop them. The torturing yearning in his eyes as he looked up at the moon agonized my heart. What must someone do to earn such terror on ones face? I sit beside him following his gaze to the moon. Something about this view was like a deja-vu. Now both of us watch as white flakes fall from the sky disappearing in the light of the nights goddess, then reappearing and melting on the white carpet.

“Isn’t she beautiful tonight?”

The silence is interrupted with a brittle voice.

‘Does he mean the moon?’

I dared not to speak.

“What I would do too see her once again.”

I take my eyes off the moon to look at him, only to see that he already broke his gaze from the moon, yet the longing in his eyes remained the same. He looked at me like I was the person he was oh, so longing for but deep inside my soul I knew these gentle eyes were not meant for me.

“Do you love her that much?”

I asked him with a quiet voice. His pale hand reached after a strand of hair in front of my sight, tucking it behind my ears. I know this gentleness wasn’t for me but oh, how I wished someone would handle me as fragile as he does.

Here I sit in the snow with no shoes nor a jacket but only a thin linen cloth covering my frail body, shivering not from the cold around me but by the touch from the icy fingers of this man sitting beside me.

“Just promise me that you’ll keep your word.”

His voice was breaking. If it weren’t for his clear eyes I would have almost been deceived into thinking that he was about to cry. But his eyes were dry. So dry not even the glistening moonlight could be reflected on that soulless stare. His gaze returns to the full moon upon us. How sinful must you have to be, to deserve such torture while looking at your most loved one so heavenly?

[moognam1]

Perfection chapter 1: Bad News

*beep* *beep*

The wind was howling through the open window, making the white see-through curtain flow in the room but the loud beeping noise from the ECG-monitor kept distracting me from enjoying the white and silent view outside the hospital room.

‘I should ask the nurse to turn this off’

It’s been one week since I have woken up from my two and half week long coma. It was a quiet day filled with tears from the incident and the life-changing news. I remember my mother’s long black hair shimmering a violet hint after opening my eyes from the black nothingness and then her wrapping me in her embrace as though I would disappear into thin air, if she ever dared to let me go. Tears streamed from the dark shadows imprinting her lower eyes wetting my turquoise hospital gown’s shoulder. Her tears didn’t seem to end anytime soon. It was like watching water gushing through the cracks of a now broken dam, wondering if the river behind those glossy, bloodshot eyes would ever dry out. It was quiet on that day except of the tears bringing the screams of sorrow from my heart-wrenched mother. I remember my confusion as to what could’ve happened that would’ve made my stern mother show me her tears of heartache and as to where I was. But these questions soon answered themselves after remembering my last memories of the water taking over my lungs. Through logically connecting my memories with this situation it was obvious that I was at a hospital and that the man standing at the corner with a white coat must be the Doctor. His messy black hair made him look like he just woke up from a deep sleep a minute ago pairing it with a complementing yawn and glasses sitting skewed on his straight nose. He was quite the handsome man even though he must be at his late 40’s but his age still didn’t excuse him pairing his hospital uniform with those abominable crocks. Oh what the world has come to. This sight must be my atonement for trying to kill myself.

*beep* *beep*

That beeping noise has been irritating me even in my sleep and yet still building up the strength to call a nurse is a hazard in which I favored this annoyance more than raising my arm and then using my finger to press a button for a nurse to come in and shut it off. Sitting up straight used more of my strength than I would ever imagine but laying on my back gave me stabbing pain on my lower half.

“I’m only 16 yet I already feel like an old lady”

I still remember the echo of his words pulsating in my head. My mind went blank and his words hazed in my mind.

“How bad is it Dc. Feng?”

“At best she has two years.”

Though I wished for death I imagined that if I would die young then the cause would be my own hands and not by something like this. Where does this even come from? I always was a healthy child. There never where symptoms that would let me to have a life-threatening disease, much less from such a rare one as this. The only sickness I would ever get was a cough or runny nose, so why this?

“And how rare do you say is her condition?”

“About that…”

The doctor was questioned by my mother like he was being interrogated with a lamp held on his face and yet still he stayed composed.

‘He must be used with this kind of situation’

Even though I thought that he seems to carefully lay his words with his next question, hiding his fidgeting with paging through the papers on his clipboard

“Ms. Patel , I have a proposal to make.”

His composed self quickly vanished and started hiding his nervousness by fidgeting through the papers on his clipboard. He seemed to be thoughtful as to how he should carefully lay his next words.

“As you know this clinic is backed up with the latest technologies and medical knowledge because of it belonging to the ‘Copulari Academy’. Because of this I would like her to keep here under my supervision and to eventually enroll her at the academy so to not only keep a closer eye on her but to also take the burden of you worrying that she might need to break off her studies due to her circumstances.”

Everyone knows about ‘Copulari Academy’. It’s a prestigious school only those of high class families would send their offspring to because of the only unique teaching style and structure but also because of the high tuition. Even though that wouldn’t be a problem for us. Due to the position of my parents jobs I wouldn’t say they’re income was lacking, at any least due to the fact of them always working and that leading to them never having any free time to even spend their money, we were more than capable of paying that hefty sum. And to add it all she wouldn’t have to take any days off from her work due to my sickness for the academies structure is to let it’s students live in a nearby campus between the school’s clinic and main building. So that’s like striking two flies with one stone. Staying over at school and never bothering both of them and having my disease cared by the latest medical abilities there is in the whole country.

*beep* *beep*

Gazing outside the window onto the to snowy landscape of the hospital garden, I let my  eyes fall upon the seeming to be fresh white lilies at my bedside table. Mother said those where gifts from Father as a compensation for not being able to visit me even once at the hospital because his work being more important than his bedridden daughter. Well those weren’t the exact word from her but it’s damn close to what she told about this gift. It’s always been this way. They always promise to come to one of my events or performances but they never come and if they do show up because a some magical force, they never stay long enough till the end and that’s all because of their work. Father manages a resort in the capital while mother works as an astronomer and for both being the head of their job they have to sacrifice their free time. And that includes sacrificing me. Often times after coming home from school the only answer I hear after taking off my shoes at the front door and yelling “I’m home” is the echo of my voice, resonating through the empty halls of our big and cold house.

‘I can’t even remember the last time we sat together at the table for dinner’

Even though my mother held me like she would never let go and cried like she had a Niagara-Falls-amount of tears behind her eyes, on that day she still left me alone after discussing the offer with the doctor. She hadn’t waited long on taking the doctor’s offer. I guess after thinking shortly about his proposal she immediately wanted to take on his offer but still waited a while as to not to seem rude or make me think like she would abandon me without a second thought. And yet still half an hour and she already signed all the paperwork needed to get rid off me.

‘Maybe this is what lead to my fall’

I don’t think they know that my fall to the river was a failed suicide attempt, more like they think that someone pushed me into the river. They must think that it was some sick prank to scare me off. When I asked my mom as to why she thinks this to be the case she told me a boy in my year found me lying at the river coast and called for an ambulance. He told her everything about how I was being bullied at school but that was all about it.

‘I don’t think he saw me falling from the bridge… I think?’

The fall…

It’s the only thing I can think about the last few days and has been the only reason to my sleepless nights. I don’t remember much of the fall only that it was oddly… warm? How ironic being afraid of the water to be freezing cold and then having a comforting feeling rushing through my body every time I think about the fall. It felt like I was being embraced while the water indulged my body. Oh, how I miss the sensation of the embrace-like feeling. Was this feeling him?

No it couldn’t have been.

.・゜゜・ ✧༺♥༻∞ ◦ ❈ ◦ ∞༺♥༻✧ ・゜゜・．

It was a cold sunny day. Through the window panes, sunbeams were shining on my face, warming my cold expression. Soft winds filled the silence of the empty hospital room. Lying on the bed, sitting up towards the sunlight, peace streamed through my body giving me warm flutters on my skin. It felt like this moment could last forever, that nothing could ever take this feeling away. Oh, how I wished I could bath myself in this sensation, waking up with soft kisses of the sun and moving my body with the subtle wind.

*knock* *knock*

Doc. Feng: “Good morning Neoma, how are you feeling today?”

Neoma: “Like always.”

Doc. Feng: “Does it hurt somewhere?”

Neoma: “No.”

The Doctor let out a small sigh, wrinkling his eyebrows followed with a pitiful face staring down at me.

‘How much free time does he have? I thought he’s the head doctor? He should send a nurse and not visit me himself.’

He’s been visiting me every morning and we have been reciting this script-like dialog since my mom’s visit. Every time he has that disgusting look on his face, full of pity for me, like I’m some helpless creature. How I’d like to punch that look out of his face.

Doc. Feng: “Well, if there’s nothing new, then I would like to introduce someone to you. You can come in!”

With a creak the door slowly opens. Paced hesitant steps fill the quiet room. A boy not much older then I am it seems, hastily fills the empty side of the Doctor. His finger fiddling with each other and his hiding his eyes beneath his black hair. Looking closely I notice small bruises through out his body starting with a band-aid on his face, a white patch on his left neck and bandages around his finger. Because of his black sweater I couldn’t see more but I’m sure these bruises wouldn’t stop showing just because they’re under his clothes.

Doc. Feng: “Neoma, this is Lucien. He was the one who found you at the coast. Well then I’ll leave you two alone.”

He quickly exited the room as to not to disturb the both of us. After hearing the click of the door, the boy in front of my bed took one step closer. A gust of wind hustled through the room, swaying his hair to the side of his face. Sunbeams hit his now exposed face, permeating his eyes. Illuminating amethyst pierce in to mine, leaving me in daze. With the second gist of wind the smell of lavender fills the room and the white curtain sways in between of us, barricading my field of view and snapping me back in to reality thus preventing me to further fall in to his deep lilac eyes. It were those captivating eyes I have always longed for, those were the colour I have reached for in my dreams. The person who is now standing in front of me, he is the person I have all so yearned to meet. He takes further steps towards my direction. The beeping from the ECG-Monitor fastens. Now he stands at the side of my bed, slowly leaning down on me. Blood rushes through my veins as his face grows closer in my view, whilst his pale right hand reaches to my cheek. I feel my cheeks redden and shut my eyes tight. The beeping fastens to the point where you can’t almost hear the pauses in between. Warm fingers caress my temple as he strokes a strand of my coffee black hair out of my face tucking it behind my ear and revealing a wound on my forehead. The warmth of his gentle fingers fades from my skin but without leaving a cosy imprint on the places he touched me. Slowly I open my eyes to see the most beautiful man my eyes have ever laid upon. His soft expression of relief starts to calm me down and the beeping steadily goes back to it’s initial pace. A mellow smile appears on his face uttering the words:

“I hope that it won’t scar.”

[moognam1]

Perfection Prologue

“Next stop: Promittere-Bridge.” Announced a womans voice from the speakers. After staring out the bus’ window into the beautiful night lights of the city, Neoma picked up her backpack and proceeded to the bus’ door. It was a cold January night and her runny nose was a pesk adding to her countless problems. But in a few minutes it shouldn’t mind her anymore. In a few minutes all her problems would disappear, even her runny nose -if these where destinies plans.

The bus stood still and she exited through the now opened bus doors. Her boots land on a wet pavement with a crunching sound. It was a midwinter night but there was no snow in sight and even when it snowed, the ground was too warm that it could stay, leaving disgusting, muddy and slushy-like snow on the ground. The wetness of this so called “snow” would penetrate her boots after walking a few meters in them and the sensation she knew she would feel in a few minutes, did not at all excite her. “What a nice winter-day it is.” Sighed Neoma with a sarcastic undertone only a fool wouldn’t be able to understand.

Across the bus stop she sighted her destination. It was an all too familiar bridge build with typical Victorian architecture and decoration from the early 1800’s. The bridge was build for pedestrian and crossed over a 170m wide river connecting the North and South side of the city. It was designed so that the sun rises from the east, while the moon sets from the west.

She entered the south entrance and went on her way. A few meters in and she stops in the middle of the bridge arriving at her destination. Gazing upon the rising moon on her right, the moonlight glistened upon the river. Something about this view made her melancholic but maybe it was also the fact that in a few minutes destiny would determine upon her future. After a short struggle she managed to stand at the bridges railing, looking down at the water, which must be freezing in this time of the year. She stretched out her arms down at her sides, pushing her chest out and shoulder back. Wind from the south waving her hair across her face.

Breath in.

Breath out.

It was now or never. The railing was quiet thin and the wind was strong, making it hard to keep your balance. If she really had a meaning in life then destiny will make sure that she will survive this. She was waiting for a sign to step down. A sign to abort her mission, that she had a meaning and that this attempt was silly. Anything. It doesn’t have to be a person or any being. It can be a sound, a small shift of the wind or a flicker of a light.

Nothing.

Her heart was raising, her mind in a frenzy.

So much was going on.

She was able to feel everything around her. See everything around her. Hear everything around her. It was a weekday at night so not many people crossed the bridge. She was alone with no one to stop her.

Her hands were trembling.

Her breaths became hastily and more shallow.

Breath in.

Breath out.

She could feel the wind lashing her hair against her face. It was cold. So icy cold that she couldn’t even feel if her nose was still running. Her eyes fixated on the water below her. The water was definitely freezing. Thinking about diving into the river made her shiver. If she didn’t die of drowning then surely of hypothermia. She looked deeper into the water and over thought the icy sensation after plunging into the river…

She couldn’t do it. She was a coward. A pussy. She hated herself so much for that. Afraid of mere cold water. Afraid of death like any other mortal creature. She turned on her heels to descent from the railing. Then a loud bang filled her ears, startling her. A weird sensation filled her stomach. It was the kind of sensation you would feel when the roller coaster was racing downhill. It felt like her inner organs where being left behind in the air. Her feet couldn’t feel the weight of her body anymore. She felt like she was floating. Instinctively she reaches for something to hold on to but she grasped on air. Only now she realized. She was falling…

[moognam1]

☆ hold me ☆