rawvocal - Tumblr blog

[rawvocal]

look into my sunken eyes

and tell me im still beautiful.

i dare you to. go on, do it.

you may submit to your sweetest impulses,

those blessings which i fell in love with,

your stubborn intent to never give up

and cast a shadow my way.

but just know that one day,

after years of indoctrination,

your intuition will sour.

a day, a week, a year, a decade:

whatever time it takes,

from within the caverns of hollow wells

youll finally see the ugliness

ive been so desperate to hide.

the tired rockface is pitied no more.

the body no longer contains a human --

only the lifeless and charred remains

of an uncherished vessel.

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my world hurts more than urs does.

i made a mistake getting close to u.

you were a bandage covering the lenses

that i experience my senses with

and i didnt even notice,

and im so so sorry.

my heart was not for you,

but even if for another,

i can still be seen through clearer

than the truths i have ignored.

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i dont

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you and him

you live

you glance

you stare 

you smile

you say hi

you speak

you talk

you laugh

you hang out

you text

you care

you uplift

you embrace

you feel

you like

you confess

you hold hands

you date

you kiss

you fuck

you sleep

you support

you hold on

you explore

you adventure

you work

you balance

you sacrifice

you love

you cherish

you doubt

you wait

you listen

you strain

you sigh

you wonder

you slip

you fall

you fade

you release

you leave

you cry

you hurt

you remember

you ignore

you move forward

you relax

you recuperate

you redeem

you self-assure.

you live again.

.

whoever you find,

i will not meet him.

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m9

you got the news around 5,

embracing like we were naive again.

before walking to the building,

we had sat at a bench,

a different one from where

i handed you the envelope,

and we discussed our futility

over unhealthy food

then got up and left.

i could only eat half.

the sunlight was blinding,

and on the way back

i commented on the trees

mixing with sunlight and 

how beautiful and pure and constant it was,

and we agreed it was over.

.

we walked inside.

words had been said

and your childishness exploded,

leaving me wading through

seizures of excitement.

we walked to the car

and hopped inside,

but i knew it was coming

and i felt the terror

of being alone,

as pathetic as it may be, 

creeping into my being.

i thought it was the last time

that i would ever see you

as what you were to me:

significant.

.

so i decided to paint a picture

in the back of your brothers car.

a picture that could not be seen

or painted in any traditional way.

this image needed a canvas, 

a canvas of sound onto which 

this horrible, beautiful memory 

could be implanted. 

thats when i was reminded

of why i do what i do with my hands,

for in that moment, every note

and phrase needed no cognition.

as natural as the breeze 

running through from your window

as you tried to calm me down,

the music blossomed in my ears

and grew its vines deep into my brain

all the way down to my heart,

pulsing with all that i felt. 

.

i didnt need to know what happened where,

or how everything was written. 

i just listened, and heard every peak and valley

etched into the ethereal mass of color

emerging from my troubled heart,

perfuming my teary eyes 

as the purple hills glided by my window

ever so slowly 

to the pulse of his failing heartbeat.

it was color with depth, 

like the moss covered ground

in an untouched, rugged forest,

where every leaf and rock could be felt

and seen in vivid reality. 

i let the music happen,

and all that i experienced at that moment

was forever imprinted upon its body

in that moment of temporary euphoria

in which a dead mans unspoken words

enveloped every ounce of dread and heartache

and held it close, like a child in mother’s arms,

sometimes comforting, other times holding up 

a mirror to my distorted face, 

but always breathing through me 

the unadulterated truth of how 

this foolish situation 

had broken me down so cruely.

.

in that moment i was safe,

but hearing it starts it all over again.

at every single musical moment, 

i know exactly how i felt,

“word” for “word”, sight for sight,

emotion for emotion, action for action.

it tells the story of how i let myself fall,

and that is why i shall do my best

to make it playable to those who might want

to try and understand why

my mind becomes so troubled.

this music depicts the exact emotions

that make me do such incredibly stupid things

as fall for people i can never have.

that is why i listen to it now,

because it reminds me of how hurt

i have become over time

from the wounds of not having you

as i want you to be,

and that will never change and i know it.

theres a difference between a child trying to be an adult

and an adult trying not to be a child.

.

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i need someone to love but it cant be you.

you are too precious to be a placeholder

even though that's your sole fate in my heart.

it really sucks but that's just reality.

theres a reason why it stopped so long ago.

maybe we should listen.

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ive never figured out if ive loved you

yet i know i dont,

and i know im happy around you,

but in my mind you make me cry.

.

this is bullshit.

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its easier to hide and run away.

my choices can change,

but i cant control why i do it,

because staring at you too long

will leave me blind.

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the titles are definitely telling the truth whereas the writing is meaningless believe me.

i want to be castrated.

i have a problem.

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journey

___o

Dorm room

Chicago

Airplane

California

Orange county

The building

.

Youll never see me again

Ill only be with you;

Look at your shadow.

I was there all along.

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Verse 1 a flat major I IV6 sus, 3 bar phrases, locations closer to home

When you're in ___o

Youll feel it come closer

And the barren tree fingers will surround you,

Pull you down in quicksnow

Like youre walking through your heart

And baby i dont know

Why your warmth doesnt leave you

If you dont have a body

To hold your broken cries

In its arms, those hands of mine

couldnt fly, but words could kiss

your troubled mind,

But I guess he does.

(Repeat drmroom)

I DONT WANNA PICK YOU UP FROM THE AIRPORT - chorus idk

.

"When you realize you haven't been objectifying someone this entire time and now you realize they are hot and the initial discomfort disappears into the most frustrating irresistability and its stupid but unfortunately very beautiful"

Ever since you wore that dress

I was not allowed to talk to you

And though I could not see your face

And a shame was looking in different places,

Inside I saw the same trueness

That I'd known forever before.

[rawvocal]

to an imaginary lover - you do not exist!!!!!!!HAHA

i feel too.

its not real.

juvenile at the start,

empty by the end.

this time is a sunset.

slowly burning out,

yet i cant look away.

another mistake:

a gift from god

not to keep,

"not a second time."

thats a song by the beatles,

the sound of my childhood.

ever since, we feel

the deep draw of wants,

that unmistakable flaw.

.

the police will find us;

ill keep you safe.

i am powerful,

so i will destroy you

to let you out of me.

if you werent inside

i wouldnt be waiting,

but who else could whisper

my identity to me

like a bedtime story?

probably a lot of people,

and thats why i break things

and scream that same word.

.

ill wait so i remember

the smell of your hair

and exactly how your hands

held my broken shards in them,

placed upon my wrists,

reading them like braille.

oh its not weird, just support.

and the scent of whiskey

on a childs breath

reeks of growing,

and abandonment.

you must break through people

to become one,

pushed through their veins

snapping like twigs.

confusion happens,

truth is skewed,

joy is broken.

.

the idea of comfort,

the history of a person:

an important distinction

i still cannot make.

your presence, it hurts

despite the mystique

yet i want it, and have to

before you are open.

.

my palms are placed exactly

5 feet from your face,

4 feet from your fingertips and

3 feet from the naive daydreams.

so youve got to lose your birds

if you ever want the puppy,

only this time only

they wont stay in the neighborhood.

comfort will be broken

like a branch of oak

dying in a doves eyes.

.

a heart cannot entwine

when its not yet made.

i remember the moment

i knew mine wasnt.

we were floating in a bed

of liquid desires.

im laughing at a joke,

sputtering out our blankets,

and im thinking of the others,

the people who'd have you,

the people who'd hurt you,

the people that will transform you,

the people who will stay

and the people who will leave.

what i am to you i do not know,

but i envy them all.

[rawvocal]

a collection of words

i want you gone forever

cause my patience wont be kissed.

as prayers are drawn through your mouth,

my deepest revelations fold

and tremble in your tender grasp,

spun into clouds of threads

that you weave into that shape i know.

.

to see through blindness so clearly

is a scar read in braille.

a gift left in unkindness:

you feel it, you just know.

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dilemma

past love falling for your future

friendship is that same sweet scent

"i have to go my own way, please try and understand"

a child with nothing to act on

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a concert

you have no idea what im capable of.

i want to roar, i want to show

you all that i have something to say.

i want to make you bleed

and heal your wounds with a single glance

of velvet: its the deeper rhythm

that pulses alongside our heartbeats

while words are screamed through iron

heard by the kaleidescope of your eyes

piercing the red tsunami

unleashed from my fragility.

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we are victims of imagination.

'us' is blooming without bees.

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vacancy

ill tell you about unease:

the heartbeat of an empty room,

the rain on rotting oak.

.

what life yet dwindles in this heat

i exhale, sighing smog,

the incense of my death.

.

i need you here, alveoli.

your embrace gives me air to breathe

when breathing is forbidden.