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moonyy-writes · 1 year

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𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫.| 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 (𝐟𝐞𝐦!) 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 |

synopsis: In the span of 3 years, it's crazy how much you can learn about one single person. So much yet so little.

You find yourself realising that with every year there will always be more to learn. Every year offers a new opportunity to grow together.

You soon learn that he has things that are discreetly hidden from you.

And you him.

tags: roommates au, fem!reader, eventual smut, mutual pining, friends to lovers

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟏: 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲

word count : 4.9k

warnings: drinking, alcohol, drunk! Levi🤨

“Don’t even think about it.”

The warning slipped from your tongue in a haste.

Not even a full minute had passed since emerging from his room and your words were already aimed straight at his throat; piercing his skin like the tip of a knife.

Your intonation held a low and deep vibration throughout the room which almost startled him.

Almost.

You weren’t even looking at him directly.

His steel eyes snap over to your figure on the couch where you sat with your legs curled up like a cat under a fluffy blanket. Two hands held open your new novel, the one that had been on your reading list for god knows how long.

He'd gotten it as a gift for you at Christmas. You guessed it as soon as it caught your eye underneath the tree, one of the very first gifts placed there. It took everything in you to hold back at the temptation to rip at the carefully wrapped present and not jump straight in between the pages.

You held back. For him at least.

Barely two days into the new year and you’ve regretfully almost come to the end of your story. He curses quietly under his breath at noticing this, himself regretful that he hadn’t gotten you the whole book collection instead.

He thought about saving it as a birthday gift instead. Most definitely.

You continued to read on, pulling an oblivious expression with your eyes still glued to the page as you hear him huff in impatience. You knew all too well that if you just looked up to your left, he’d be standing there with his hands placed on his hips and his infamous scowl imprinted on his face in pure frustration.

A smile played along your lips at how easily you could rile him up. Too easily.

“You even touch that Christmas tree and I’ll take away your present.” you forewarned, fingers turning the feather-light page, eyes already jumping to the next sentence.

The Christmas lights that were wrapped around the tree blinked furiously in the corner of the living room, the large golden star at the peak of the tree heavily loomed over to one side, threatening to topple over due to its weight.

He’ll never forget how you had coerced him into helping you set it up. And you’ll never forget the comical-like way in which his eyes widened at the sight of you returning back to the apartment with a large cardboard box in your hands.

“It was a sale, I couldn’t resist.” were your words of defense, consciously aware that it was still early November at that time.

Despite your protests, he brutally ignored your excuses, instead babbling mutters of discontent as you made him walk in circles around the tree to wrap the tinsel.

“Stupid.” he remembers mumbling, feeling himself become increasingly irritated at the lone strands of tinsel that fell onto your carpet, which he would now have to go to the effort of hoovering once the two of you were done.

Switching on the bright lights—that you had definitely spent way too much money on—they powerfully illuminated the room, the festive colors of red and green bouncing off your white walls. The electricity bill for that month was indefinitely set to soar.

Regardless of Levi’s annual duplication of the Grinch, he couldn’t help but feel a weird sense of satisfaction at your glowing smile in reaction to the tree and after what felt like hours decorating, you finally won against your need for perfection. You stretched out your hands in front of him proudly, a beaming smile stretching across your lips with an exclamation of, “Happy birthday!”

He scoffed at you, his mind no where near the idea of his birthday. You knew how much he dreaded it each year, coming to the sudden realization that he was getting one year older.

Or one year closer to death as he would say which would earn a light slap on the arm from you for ruining the so-called “Christmas spirit.”

You introduced him to all the traditions of the holiday; something abnormal to him, having never experienced this during his childhood. A few years before and he would’ve never even given a second thought about the holiday.

The only thing that he does remember from his childhood is the long anticipation of receiving a present from his mother, one that she had saved up for all year to be able to give him.

He appreciated them all, no matter how small or bare, he was always grateful. Unlike the other kids who’d grown up spoiled, flaunting their gifts as soon as it was the return back to school after the holidays.

Was he envious of what other kids had growing up? Yes, of course, what kid wouldn’t be?

But, now having grown up he’d come to realize that he was deeply satisfied to have the more important things in life, like the close memories of his mother. He was more thankful to have spent time with her rather than receiving a bunch of toys he would soon grow out of.

Especially since people can suddenly be taken away from you in a blink of an eye.

But celebrating also helped you too, he’d learnt that moving away from your family to a new city by yourself wasn’t easy and with the guilt of the first christmas that he had spent with you, from then on he’d make sure that he'll put in all his effort.

Even if the whole day shortened his lifespan in the process.

Now standing in front of the glowing tree, Levi didn’t have to turn around to witness the grin on your face. He’d already heard it through your threat.

If there was one thing he learned about you throughout all these years, it was that you always kept to your word.

“It’s fucking January,” he remarked, “Christmas is over.”

You shook your head, “Nuh-huh Mister Scrooge, it’s still the holiday if I remember clearly.”

He snorted out loud, “Barely.”

“You’re just mad that you’re going back to work earlier than me.” you noted and again your mind can picture a crease between his brows at your blunt reminder.

“Whatever.” he muttered, sulking his way over to you without any further debate.

You felt the couch shifted a little under his weight, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

Finally, you glanced up from your book to observe the figure sat adjacent from you.

You caught him mid-yawn, his hair uncharacteristically disheveled, raven locks astray, but one thing that predominantly stood out towards you was how well-rested he looked, his face slightly puffy from sleep and eyes full of energy, no evidence of dark circles under them. You felt content at this sight and it was more than obvious by the way you studied him.

“What?” he said bashfully, suspicious of your observation of him.

“Are you still hungover?” you ask, distracting him. You were annoyed that he caught on regardless of your obvious stare.

He rolled his eyes as your question. Pulling out his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants, he deliberately ignored your question.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” you murmur, eyes returning back to your place in your book.

A wave of silence filled the room, no further conversation made between the two of you. It was a comfortable silence, one that the two of you have gotten well adjusted to for the past three years, more than comfortable in each other’s presence.

Then, after a minute or two of silence, his lips parted to defend himself after some deep thought.

“I’m not hungover.”

You hum quietly, the sound of paper flicking as your fingers turn the page, not seeming bothered by his answer.

You recall back to New Year’s day, returning home with Levi from Erwin’s annual New Year party. Erwin was polite enough to offer that two of you should stay the night but you remember clearly how he kept whining about wanting to go home. With you.

In your three years of living with Levi, you’ve barely–no, rarely, seen him drunk. You didn’t know what was really up with him at Erwin’s, just the fact that as soon as you stepped into his apartment, he couldn’t stop throwing back the drinks. It was very incongruous to the usual Levi that you knew.

Unless he had something on his mind. You figured it was just the post-birthday emotions hitting him. He never went into detail but you were smart enough to assume that this time of the year was always tough for him.

As a result, you had to carry him home. His heavy, dead-like arm wrapped around your neck with the majority of his body weight pushed up against you for support, making your thirty minute walk home looking to take around an hour.

“Fucking hell, Levi.” you swore, your footsteps echoing against the stone pavements, the sound ricocheting off the concrete walls of the giant buildings that loomed above you.

His own steps lingered–irregular and clumsy–as he relied on you for total support. It was nearly four in the morning and groups of people were still out in the city, alive as ever, still drunk off a new year high. You could tell by the fireworks being set off irregularly that the celebrations had yet to finish, also not missing how Levi’s body flinched at the sudden sound of fireworks nearby, rising up into the sky, illuminating for a few seconds before disappearing into colorful clouds of smoke.

Of course, you couldn’t avoid interactions with large groups of drunk strangers wishing you a slurred happy new year from across the street. You gave a friendly smile back and wished them the same back, the same couldn’t be said for Levi, drunkenly sending death glares as his own response.

But it wasn’t until you walked past a certain group of strangers, that consisted mainly of guys, that he really grew hostile.

“Did you-did you see tha’?” he blurted out, stumbling in absolute defeat.

“See what?” you asked, focusing your eyes on his face and not missing the glow that the streetlights created upon his face.

“The way that guy looked at-” he paused, taking a breath, probably to hold down the bile rising in his throat. “You.”

He finished in a dangerous tone. It sounded unnatural even for him.

“No, I didn’t see that Levi, they’re drunk.”

“Drunk bastards.” he cursed, losing his balance momentarily until you held him upright again.

You hold back a chuckle, “And you’re one of them.”

“M’not drunk.” he debated, his lips turning into a pout.

“Okay,” you said, an idea popping in your head, “Stand by yourself then.” You pause in your steps and remove his arm from around your neck. In this separation, the warmth of your body is quickly replaced by the chill of the winter wind.

You’ve paused purposely by a lamppost to hopefully make it easier for him to navigate. You stand away from him, only a few meters, next to the hovering streetlight.

“You good?” you ask, raising a brow at his state.

His eyes are drooping a little, full of fatigue and obviously intoxicated. His body sways a little, side to side and his dark locks flutter a little in the almost icy winter wind. You don’t miss how pink and tinted his cheeks are, especially under the glow of the streetlight.

Little puffs of vapor escape from his mouth now visible in the cold winter air but disappear quicker than you can blink.

Vapor escapes from your own mouth as you observe him, “You’re swaying Lee’, that’s cheating.”

His eyes are now fully closed and a part of you is slightly concerned that he’ll topple over at any moment; just one light tap on his shoulder and he’ll end up face planting the stone pavement.

“M’completely–” he pauses again taking in a shaky inhale,“Fine.”

He scrunches his eyes before he attempts to walk and at an incredibly slow pace, his shoes scuffing the pavement. He barely moves an inch before opening his eyes again.

He looks around wearily, a dazed expression on his face.

“Did I get far?” he mumbles, his lips puffy and pouting.

Adorable.

You can’t attempt to hide your grin any longer, “C’mon you idiot, let’s go home.”

“You’re the idiot, idiot.” he grumbled back, immediately falling to your side, his arm wrapping perfectly over your neck.

You nodded,”Yeah yeah, thank you.”

And if it wasn’t enough to drag his ass home, you also had to get him up to your shared apartment.

“One step lee’, almost there.” your voice strained under the weight of holding Levi upright as he reached the second floor. One down, thirteen more to go.

And to think that out of all fucking days, tonight had to be the night that the elevator was out of order. The universe couldn’t even wait a day into the new year before testing your patience.

Your arm was wrapped securely around his waist, fingers digging into his shirt as you pulled him up the stairs. Sweat dripped down your back, your warm winter coat doing its job too well as an insulator.

“Are-are—we almost there?” He slurred, almost falling as he did so and your free hand suddenly clasped onto the railing to steady yourself. If he falls, you’re certain you’ll go down with him.

Now you sort of understand why he gets so annoyed when he has to pick you up from a night out, especially if he had to do this every time with you. The only difference is you're more of a mess. By far.

And with that taking longer than it should’ve, you finally come to a standstill at your apartment door. Your hand delves into your coat pocket, fingers searching through crumples of old receipts and tissue for your keys, it doesn’t take long for that sweet metallic jingle to reach your ears.

Levi stood next to you in silence. He was rather quiet during the final climb up the last floor. You brought it down to his exhaustion and post drunk clarity finally hitting him, a feeling you know all too well and despise deeply.

The jingle of your keys echoes down the empty hallway as you turn the lock, opening the door to a sea of darkness. You follow through first finding the light switch and Levi trails in after, shutting the door. Your back hits the wall of the hallway with relief and fatigue, you couldn’t wait to get to your bed.

But first… you had Mr grumpy to deal with.

Slipping off your coat and your shoes, you address him with an exhale noticing how he’s remained still the entire time, staring into the abyss.

“C’mon Lee’ let’s get you to bed.”

He makes no response, already trailing into his room without debate. Before you follow, you grab a glass of water for him during the night.

You find Levi sat on his neatly made bed, only completed with the task of removing his shoes. His dark locks look even more disheveled.

“C’mon,” you coo, placing down the cup on his neat bedside table. There’s only a radio that sits on the counter, its red digits reading, 4:23 am. Your hand pulls back the covers as Levi stands and he makes his way to lay down immediately but the touch of your hand meets his bicep.

“Change first.”

A light whine came out his throat, before he could even stop himself. If he were sober enough to care he’d cringe but he steps back following your instruction.

“You’ll thank me in the morning,” you state, “you don’t wanna sleep in those clothes, trust me.” You speak merely from experience, you know first hand that it’s not the best way to start the morning after a night out.

You go to leave the room to give him privacy before a soft utterance stops you from doing so.

“Stay.”

A hum leaves your throat in confusion. He watches you apprehensively, whole body rigid with his fists curled up by his side.

His mouth is snapped shut almost as if he regrets the previous words that come out of his mouth, you’re about to put it down to the state of him being intoxicated before he pleads again.

“You don’t have to leave.”

You remain unmoving with your mind still not sure of what to say apart from a simple, “Okay.”

You do turn around though, in an attempt to give him space whilst you try to find some clothes for him to sleep with.

“First drawer.” he says, nodding his head to the direction of his bedroom cabinet.

He slips off his slacks, stepping out of the material in slow movements. The clink of his belt carries a heavy tone and ends up with a loud clang on the floor.

You find gray sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt and as you turn, you find Levi half way in pulling off his own shirt before dropping it carelessly to the ground, too exhausted to pick up it and fold the material.

You try not to let your eyes linger too much on his body, particularly on the muscular tone of his stomach, a dark trail leading down to his lower abdomen as he stands solely in his boxers.

You awkwardly avert your eyes to the floor as you hand him his clothes, your cheeks burning up.

He dresses in silence, brushing a hand over his locks which in the process lifts up his shirt, revealing another little peak of his lower abdomen. In an attempt to distract your mind, you pick up his clothes without hesitation, hands already going to fold them methodically.

“I can do that tomorrow-” he starts, mouth open in protest at your help. You’ve already helped him enough. Too much.

“It’s alright, I’ll put them in the basket,” you say, folding up his stained t-shirt and pants, removing the belt before you fold up the latter.

His exhausted eyes linger over your face as he sits in silence on the edge of the bed, watching you complete the task.

You can feel his eyes bore into you. Purposely, you avoid his gaze, instead focused on the task at hand. “Thanks.” he utters, quietly, once you’ve finished.

You half shrug, “S’’nothing.” You know that he would do the same for you, Levi’s the type of guy to without you even asking so it’s only fair that you do the same.

“I’d give you painkillers, but you shouldn’t take them after drinking.” you say, nodding over to the glass of water that sits on the bedside table.

He nods wordlessly, “Thanks.”

You’re about to turn to leave, grabbing the pile of his folded clothes on the edge of his bed to place in the laundry basket. Your figure is about halfway into leaving the room before his voice stops you again.

“Do you mind staying–just for a little bit?” he speaks up, timidly. Levi still sits at the edge of his bed, and there’s a nervous manner in his body language that you don’t usually see. Tufts of raven hair are stuck to his forehead, his eyes wordlessly pleading you with his gaze.

It’s a tempting offer.

His eyes linger over your face, watching as you hesitate for a moment and for a second he regrets asking you at all, he’s just about to say never mind before you interrupt.

“Sure.”

Walking over, he shuffles over to the other side, silently observing you get underneath his covers. The scent of your laundry detergent—one that Levi religiously insists on buying—fills your nostrils as well as the faint smell of alcohol from him.

Your mind is too aware of the close proximity, the air from his lungs meets your bare neck and for once, out of three years of living together, the silence of it all scares you.

You clear your throat awkwardly, your heart loudly thumping in your ears.

“Did you enjoy tonight then?” you ask, your voice almost breaking as you did. Never would you have expected to be in this predicament. Laying in your roommate’s bed.

You hear a light scoff come from him. “As much as a new year’s party can be.”

You want to ponder on what made him want to drink so much in the first place, knowing his particular distaste for alcohol. But your lips remain shut making the assumption that he—like everyone else—wanted to mark off the end of the year and either way, you’re glad you remained sober tonight even if you weren’t planning to. At least one of you had to be responsible for getting home.

“You should get some sleep Lee.” you suggest, propping your elbow up and resting your head in the palm of your hand.

He lets out a deep hum in response.

To be honest, Levi was still thinking about his behavior tonight, his steel eyes observing your shadow through the darkness. A pit of anxiety stabbed at his lower abdomen, flashbacks popped up in his mind here and there of his behavior. His hand rubbed his forehead, a headache already forming in his skull.

If he could take it all back, he fucking would.

“Sorry.” he mumbles, silently dreading what tomorrow’s hangover would bring.

“For what?” you ponder, curiosity in your tone.

“Making you drag me back here.” he lets out a sigh, “We should’ve just stayed with Erwin.”

“It’s fine.” you reassured, “You’ve done this way too many times for me.”

“Not out of free will.” he joked. A low, natural hum played in the background, the natural vibration of the apartment alongside the outside noise of distant fireworks continuing the arrival of the new year.

“You got a new year’s resolution?” you ask, fingers skimming over the soft, fresh duvet covers.

Levi held back another scoff. Personally, he found that shit so stupid.

He would always remember how Hange would create thirty new resolutions each coming year and yet when December 31st they’d only have completed four by the end of it.

“No.” he states, “What about you?” he’s still slurring slightly, but you can tell the alcohol is starting to wear off especially as his body grows with more weariness and his question is finished off with a yawn.

You hesitate slightly out of embarrassment, “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” he repeats, his tone holding a subtle teasing tone which releases some of the awkward tension in the room.

“I don’t know,”’ you admit shyly, fiddling with your fingers underneath the covers, becoming too comfortable under the covers. You’re going to find it hard to leave soon.

“Well, what is it that you want to do?”

You shug, despite Levi not being able to see you. “It was just a thought, I don’t think it’ll make a good resolution.”

“What is it?” he asks again, gently pushing for an answer.

You let out a sigh, “I just want to get more work done, y’know develop my career and try to push into more opportunities?” you reveal, slightly shy.

“You’re already doing that.”

“Really?” You hummed in disbelief, “I feel like I haven’t worked as hard in the last year like I usually do.”

Levi’s words are now mumbled, falling captive to the power of sleep, “You’re one of–” he yawns again, “the–most hardworking people I know, if anything, your resolution should be to relax more.”

You let out a snort, “Coming from the man who eats, sleeps and breathes in front of a white screen sending emails.”

He scoffs in response,”Well, when you have a shitload of new interns to supervise on a daily basis who constantly ask you stupid questions ninety nine percent of the time, you barely know the meaning of rest.”

“You’re hard working too, Lee.’” you say, “You don’t realize it, but I honestly–I aspire to be like you. You’re always so calm and even when things ‘Go to shit.’” You curl up your fingers to air quote his own words,”You always handle it well.”

Your throat grows thick and you pause to swallow before speaking again, “If anything you should be taking your own advice this year.”

You can’t see due to the darkness of the room and for once Levi is grateful as fuck. With the mix of alcohol and the compliment from you, his heart pounds at a million miles per hour right now.

‘I aspire to be like you.’ You might as well have tattooed those words right above his fucking heart in the sense that your comment will stay permanent in his mind forever.

He’s definitely sure that his cheeks are a burning red from your comment, his mind running on pure elation.

He clears his throat nervously trying not to seem obvious that your words had deeply impacted him.

“I’ll die before that ever happens.” he grumbles and you poke him in the side in annoyance.

“Now that I’ve told you mine,” you say, “What’s yours?”

His face scrunches up, thrown off guard by your sudden question. It takes him a while to think before coming up with a definite answer for you.

He lets out an exhale, his heart almost heavy as he admits it to you.

“Not to take anyone for granted. Anymore.”

You remain silent, hearing it clear in his voice the remorse behind it. Your own heart aches, your limbs almost tempted to reach out to comfort him in a way, to try and understand the sorrow that he holds. Over the past three years, there’s always been allusions to it but you’ve never asked explicitly. It’s not your place to.

After a period of silence he clears his throat, “So–” he begins, “Let’s make a deal.”

Your eyebrows quirk up in curiosity as Levi continues.

“You will promise not to overwork yourself this year and I–” he hesitates, “I’ll not take anyone for granted.”

“And don't overwork yourself too.” you add on to the end.

He clenches his jaw, that wasn’t something he thought about agreeing to but…fuck it.

“Fine.” he says exasperatedly, “I won’t overwork myself…I mean–I’ll try.”

“That’s good enough.” you declare, “It’s a deal then.”

“Deal.”

You don’t remember much of the conversation past that point apart from listening to him complain about the new interns and the annual Christmas office party.

He makes a suggestion for you to come with him next time to which you respond with a “maybe.” It’s not much but it’s enough to set his hopes up, an unfamiliar, warm feeling in his limbs. He tells himself it’s the after effects of the alcohol, unknown that you too, are silently experiencing the same effects.

Somewhere along that point, you fall asleep, your body only jolting awake a few hours later. Already, the sunlight peaks through, illuminating the room that was pitch dark just a few hours ago.

Your eyes were blurry, your body aching and overstimulated with heat as your clothes stuck your skin. You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to adjust to the new lighting of the room.

Coming to your senses, you notice the feeling of a heavy limb wrapped over your torso, keeping you tightly secured in place. Only then you realize that you’re not in your own bed.

A head of jet black hair beside you makes you fall back into reality. Shit.

Levi’s arm is wrapped around your waist, tightly, and his head positioned near your shoulder. Light snores escape from his mouth, they’re so quiet you can barely hear them. You can feel his chest expand and deflate against your back, it feels so snug and so…right.

Too right.

Without warning your mind panics, desperate to find a way to get out. His presence was too intoxicating for you to even comprehend your own thoughts.

You shuffle slowly, attempting to get out of his grip in a way as not to disturb him. Your plan to be discreet fails in pure vain as a light groan is heard near your ear.

“Levi.” you whisper, sensing that his body is beginning to come alive, ever so slowly.

It takes a while for him to become aware of his position and remove his hand away. Almost immediately, you notice the growing distance between the two of you as he pulls away.

And all of a sudden you hate it. The iciness that your body feels as he pulls away, your brain almost lulling you to return to him, pull him back and close the distance between the two of you.

Ignoring your painful isolation, you sit up and stretch your aching legs before unwrapping yourself from the covers.

“Sorry,” you mumble,”I must’ve fallen asleep.”

There’s no response as he’s turned away from you, the back of his raven hair the only thing you see.

You don’t even know if he’s awake. You make the assumption that he’s not based on the fact that he doesn’t really say anything to you as you exit his room, the unspoken tension thick and awakened between the two of you.

Since then, not much has been impacted between the two of you although you both actively avoid discussing what happened that morning.

It’s not awkward but more so that the tension between the two of you has shifted ever so slightly.

“You better not touch the decorations either way.” you state after a long period of silence, flipping the next page of your novel.

Levi clicks his tongue in faux annoyance.

To you, you think that you’ve successfully won him over. But in reality…

he doesn’t really care if they stay up for the rest of the year or if you’re planning to take them all down tomorrow.

For long as you’re here; you can make up the rules

if you’d like to be tagged let me know !

#moony recs #I LOVE #so so cute

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