mostaverageperson - Tumblr blog

[mostaverageperson]

[mostaverageperson]

Breakfast

[mostaverageperson]

Restocked my favorite rice alternative.

[mostaverageperson]

March 16, 2022

All in.

Made a conscious decision to say 'YES' to my soulmate.

[mostaverageperson]

It’s been months since I stopped exercising. Trying to find motivation to start, again. 

[mostaverageperson]

Friendships has red flags too. Be on the lookout.

[mostaverageperson]

I can't blame you for hating the town that always put you down.

[mostaverageperson]

Nothing brings me more spite than when my monsters are right.

[mostaverageperson]

My longing for you—

too strong to keep within bounds.

At least no one can blame me

when I go to you at night

along the road of dreams.

Ono no Komachi

[mostaverageperson]

// sleep //

Is there a word to describe what it's like. To fall broken and tired on your bed. As the hard days weigh you down slowly but surely. And relief seems so far away in the past you don't know what it felt like anymore. It just feels like a reflection in the mirror that you used to own and is now misplaced. That sort of comfort lurks around the bedroom walls like a lost bird. It richochets back and forth. Till it settles. Not because it comes in terms with fate. Or that it has found peace. Or that it deems itself complete or found. No. It settles because it tires. It runs out of its fire. There's no use fighting it anymore. So it surrenders to the overflowing waves of tiredness. Settling in the bone dust like scrap metal of a used machine. Can hope be recycled once its broken? Is there a word for being speechless? Can the past be drawn with overused pencils? Does time encompass our lives like a spread sheet. Can it bear the weight of our pain? May be its time to sleep.

[mostaverageperson]

"And I promise . . . I swear . . . that if you choose to end things between us, I will love you more as you’re walking out the door than on the day you walked down the aisle. I hope you choose the road that will make you the happiest. Even if it’s not a choice I’ll love, I will still always love you. Whether I’m a part of your life or not. You deserve happiness more than anyone I know. I love you."

-All your perfects, Colleen Hoover

[mostaverageperson]

My tumblr and plurk page none of my rl people would ever know about.

If anyone needs me I’ll be being small & writing poetry I’ll never let anyone else read

[mostaverageperson]

Forgive yourself for the times when you were so vulnerable and told too much information about yourself to people with a curious ear instead of a listening heart.

[mostaverageperson]

"Patience makes tragedy easy to bear."

- Imam Aliع

[mostaverageperson]

Heartbreaks

This pandemic had us breaking multiple times over lost jobs, lost opportunities, and lost time.

I am broken over and over by the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship.

We tried to meet somewhere out of the country. However, the immigration officer rejected me. I got offloaded.

It broke my heart how we were so close to finally being in each other's arms after a long time. He was already out there waiting for me when I got rejected. He had to wait for hours until he could get a flight back home.

It's almost a month now, am still breaking. I didn't know hearts could break into specks of dust and turn into an hourglass. I'm scared at how this experience made me so unmotivated and devastated. I didn't realize wanting to be with your loved ones could be this hard. I honestly felt robbed of the opportunity to be together. He saved up money for the flights. We both paused our professional lives to get a few days together. But it didn't happen.

Money. Time. Heartbreaks.

I wish I don't live in a third-world country.

[mostaverageperson]

[mostaverageperson]

Love Thyself

Okay, let's be honest all of us have insecurities. I, for one, had so much. Yes, I had. Nope, my body didn't change. It's still the body with lots of stretch marks and dark spots. To top it all, it has so much loose skin.

It took me some time before I accepted that. There were a lot of morning pep talks and evening mantras to train my mind to do so and love myself.

It was a cruel journey but a fun one too. My friends became my biggest motivator aside from myself. These are the first people who saw the "pretty" under all the layers of fat and shades of insecurities. And although there were family members who were very judgmental about my physical appearance, who then became my motivation too, there are a few who became my support system. (It's fundamental and empowering to have family and friends to support you so you won't revert.)

The insecurities left me. I am still working on my confidence. I am hoping to be acquainted soon.