mrcelsius

[mrcelsius]

That’s MY midwestern princess

Tags: @st-leclerc @rubywingsracing @three-days-time @saviour-of-lord

[mrcelsius]

Blue Diamond 2024 (Mr. Celsius Tumblr Edition) AKA 666 Can't Stand Yaz (Stanzas Are Now Mine To Make HAHAHAHAHA)

Blue Diamond I've worked you out Towards A Great Fool Circus indeed Towards The Inner Child Kingdom My Kingdom cometh is nearer than you all (or IRC ya'll in my element to make discord a new accord) think As we then go to The Fed for pokies New South Wales gave and gives us a lawful feed.

Oh, how I was just trying to workout And work out As Cancer 2024 in My Story is born Both co-exist both co-exist. Wait, where was I? Notebooks upon notebooks: "Who was I?" "Who is Shannon?" in 15 years of left handed scribble (~~don't forget the dribble!~~) Rainbow Serpent Spirit Comets Circular DMT Sleeps: "SHOUT SHOUT AND HAVE TROUT AND A BRUSSEL SPROUT!!!!!"

Slip Into A Safron City Red Underscores Are No Match For Me As Shannon Is Shannon Yet If Any Of The Citizens Are Going To Use The Writer's Voice Edition Intense Repair Conditioner Wait A Minute, One Brussels Sprout Is Still A Plural? It's All Symbols So What Does It Matter "Back in 1993, I'm Umbrellas, I'm You, I'm Me, I'm The One To Pull Shannons Cannon"!!!!!

Shannons Era 901. (20-6-24, 5:18PM AEST -

[mrcelsius]

[mrcelsius]

My soul, where are you? Do you hear me? I speak, I call you - are you there? I have returned, I am here again. I have shaken the dust of all the lands from my feet, and I have come to you, I am with you. After long years of long wandering, I have come to you again. Should I tell you everything I have seen, experienced, and drunk in? Or do you not want to hear about all the noise of life and the world? But one thing you must know: the one thing I have learned is that one must live this life. Do you still know me? How long the separation lasted! Everything has become so different. And how did I find you? How strange my journey was! What words should I use to tell you on what twisted paths a good star has guided me to you? Give me your hand, my almost forgotten soul. How warm the joy at seeing you again, you long disavowed soul. Life has led me back to you. Let us thank the life I have lived for all the happy and all the sad hours, for every joy, for every sadness. My soul, my journey should continue with you. I will wander with you and ascend to my solitude.

[mrcelsius]

Being nothing, being a desert in oneself, one hopes through another to find water. Being empty, poor, wretched, insufficient, devoid of interest or importance, one hopes through another to be enriched. Through the love of another one hopes to forget oneself. Through the beauty of another one hopes to acquire beauty. Through the family, through the nation, through the lover, through some fantastic belief, one hopes to cover this desert with flowers. And God is the ultimate lover. So one puts hooks into all these things. In this there is pain and uncertainty, and the desert seems more arid than ever before. Of course it is neither more nor less arid; it is what it was, only one has avoided looking at it while escaping through some form of attachment with its pain, and then escaping from that pain into detachment. But one remains arid and empty as before. So instead of trying to escape, either through attachment or through detachment, can we not become aware of this fact, of this deep inward poverty and inadequacy, this dull, hollow isolation? That is the only thing that matters, not attachment or detachment. Can you look at it without any sense of condemnation or evaluation? When you do, are you looking at it as an observer who looks at the observed, or without the observer?

[mrcelsius]

The only things that are true are what occur at the moment I have had them, what I am conscious of. Every thought I have ever had, I have had. This may seem obvious, but this revelation has allowed within myself for liberating acceptance of all complexities and levels of self analysis. Accepting a shadow thought and accepting the self condemnation of the thought - or even the condemnation of the condemnation ad infinitum. The introspection may not necessarily penertrate into unconscious levels of my psyche, an enduring illusion, however the introspection's validity is by no means questioned if it is occurring, and is additionally capable of providing a level of new found wisdom as to how to approach the world and myself. If I believe it to be true, it is true; if I believe it to be false, it is false. Trying to work one out through psychoanalysis and fervent introspection will surely only make you question more. I can fall into deep confusion that aspects of my self I am trying to analyse are not even aspects of myself, however only a brief, haphazard abstraction of what is my self and then misinterpret the abstraction as the totality of myself. I then wonder if subsequent times and thoughts are then linked back to this earlier abstraction, and look for any experience that validates it, until I act out what was, if anything, nothing short of a fictious idea of myself. And yet all ideas are fictituous, for believing a narrative gives rise to the idea there is only one stable self. Absurd! Everyone has a galaxy of selves, inner and outer, all their own narrative, fractured and harmonious, and then the overarching narrative that encompasses them all. I wonder if my ego is what is striving for my perfectionism, and fear of admission that my ideas of myself may not be true. But, again, if I am something outside my ego, something outside my potentially fictious definitions of myself, something outside my analysis, but yet what am I? This observer, this awareness - and then the observer of the observer, beyond words and before content, reflecting like a mirror, which we all are together.

[mrcelsius]

LSD Afterglow

Since taking LSD on January 28, 2017, I am completely amazed by the unexpected afterglow that has remained in the week following. In some ways, it felt like my first LSD trip, as previous trips had this feeling that I was dipping my toes into what could be but never quite there. I am in a flow state that I have years aspired for with only temporary successes (usually during and after meditation, writing, or playing music), and only mostly known I feel as if I have been meditating non-stop for over a week.

Self-consciousness that spirals into social anxiety - the feeling that people are watching and thinking negative of me - is largely gone, for there is no self to be conscious of and subsequently indulge in these maladaptive and deeply engrained projections. Certainly the thoughts still manifest like clouds, but they are met with a tender acceptance and compassion – which synthesizes to an easily accessible source of humor. But what people think of me is entirely their business.

Those that I know and love who have naturally negative feelings, I am less seeing it as something wrong that I’ve done. In the past, my high affective empathy would make me feel another’s pain or anger or anxiety and I’d swiftly wish them to change it because it would make me feel guilty; anger would often result. I’d want to help people who didn’t wish to help themselves, and when they inevitably failed, I’d resent them for it. In empathy’s place seems to be stronger compassion, where I do not stretch my ego into there’s and can do my bet to be there for them. The difference between compassion and the limitations of empathy need to be further discussed, since the research is only in tentative stages and the public misconception have the definitions intertwined. There is neither blockage nor shame. In its place is a transformative self-love, willing to accept whatever comes into me and express my being like my life is a musical performance. One way of describing it is: I see myself how my loved ones see me rather than my projective and deluded fear of how they see me.

That lingering inferiority complex has vanished! To use an example: I’ve been playing the piano for a number of years, and people have often celebrated my skill. Though better in recent years, there’s always this lingering feeling that I’m not good enough. “If only I knew 109 songs instead of 108”, “if only I could be just a little bit better.” Since taking LSD, I’m amazed and proud of the ability. I’ve never had this before and wish to release my talents – and not for success or external accolades, but to truly release a part of myself, independent of the outcome. This goes for anything in life I wish to accomplish.

I observe and embrace the equipoise of feminity and masculinity. This seems most expressible in the diversity of music. If I wish to dance to Lady Gaga in the rain and embrace a flamboyant personality, then let it be. If I wish to headbang to death metal and embrace a peculiar happiness, then let that be so too. If I wish to listen to Mozart and sniff wine, or embrace psytrance, then why not? And why can’t my fashion be equally contradictive, contingent on what I feel? Can I not be both Clark Kent and Superman? There is the acceptance of my dominant and animalistic sexuality without some self-conscious guilt that its complete release contradicts my usual introverted and compassionate demeanor. My adaptively to others, a thousand egos, is celebrated rather than condemned. Contradictions of my personality, my adaptively, my myriad of alter egos, the diversity of humor, are not fragmented contradictions at all but pieces of a puzzle that make up a whole.

Every face and place is enriched with novelty. Humans are amazing and complex and equally beautiful. Those that I disagree with in the past, be it political or self-induced suffering, are currently not condemned and judged by my mind, which appears to be a passive way of wishing them to change to something other than that they are. Rather, there is a natural tendency to try and understand their perspective and provide compassion accordingly – even to Donald Trump. The proverb that anger is a poison that does not harm anyone else but ourselves seems as clear as day. Synchronicity’s and everything having meaning makes perfect sense on LSD (pattern recognition of the brain?), and in a way while on my trip, my ego felt heightened in that everything had a “meaning” that centralized around myself. But no doubt the Jung’s of this world were onto something when it came to understanding the nature of the subconscious. But what I’ve accepted is I know not the mysteries of the universe, be it answerable by science or something else, and that my logical mind will not know the answers. Equally so, nor does religion or anything New Age. And one should be wary indeed of anyone that claims otherwise. The mystery is to be lived. And all the love and appreciation I have of Eastern philosophy – emptiness, impermanence, the illusory nature of the self – all seems so clear. The only true thing to be sure of is consciousness itself, in this moment, and it is the contents of consciousness – sights, sounds, thoughts, feelings – that are in a constant state of impermanent flux until death. And, at the moment, rather than seeming as independent concepts, every thing that comes into conscious all seems interconnected – there is nothing in of itself without being connected to something else. I accept that there is nothing to find or solve, for it is always been here – and indeed been hiding in the constant attempt to seek. But all you need to do is observe and pay attention. When you try to find it, you lose it.

Perhaps I’m fortuitous in that I’ve had a love for these teachings for a number of years, and I was able to assimilate all of this knowledge onto an intellectual level into a subconscious level during my trip. I am aware that my ego will always be with me, and I need to form a healthy relationship with it rather than trying to change with condemnation. Will this afterglow fade, or is Alan Watts truly correct in that “when you get the message, hang up the phone”? Certainly I must continue meditating and engaging in self-care and self-love, but there’s something extremely subconscious and effortless about all of this that I sense may fade. Perhaps my future will now consist of taking a good dose of LSD once or twice a year to remain ‘aligned’, so to speak?

[mrcelsius]

Self-Other

My return to my hometown staunchly reminds me that it is impossible to escape from the self's adaption to other. Or more accurately, the self's perception of other. Through all of my interactions and connections, there is a subtle shift in words, thoughts, humor, attitudes, and even perceptions. Though some people are more stable than myself, the other person additionally engages in subtle changes based on their perception of you. A connection is therefore unique in that each person subtly adapts to the other. Highly empathetic and sensitive people are most prone to these adaptions. To wish to eliminate this disposition is therefore an elimination of empathy and sensitivity, which is not conducive. This DOES occur due to alcohol or feeling obnoxious - mainly at work (because your self and thought patterns are confined). A more conducive approach would be: 1) Regularly remain mindful of how you feel and think and act around the other. As an introvert, it's okay to feel drained being around people who you love. However, if your relationship with your self-other is spiritually cancerous, the connection needs to fundamentally change. If change is impossible, perhaps due to the person's unwillingness to change, they should no longer exist. 2) Regularly remain connected with your self absent of other. This best occurs through reflective and diary writing. 3) Meditate. Observe all of the passing selves.

[mrcelsius]

Depression Nostalgia

I miss being depressed, for that is the best source of my creative prose. Or maybe it’s not? Who knows.

[mrcelsius]

If your character unconsciously absorbs your social counterpart, then you will be their inferior.

[mrcelsius]

Concurrent Episode?

The past week or so I have been met with a curious feeling in my internal world. Always, whether feeling depressed or motivated, it has been sequential. This week, however, both have been blended into this confusing and rather disgusting mix of emotions. How can I feel self conscious and overly confident at the same time? How can I feel a sense of despair for an out of control future and yet like I can achieve anything? How am I most inspired of every thought that pops in my head and yet guilty of them? Perhaps the key is that I need to indulge in them without suppression?

[mrcelsius]

Habits

Today is the night before the Winter Solstice. The key to any successful lifestyle is transforming the tasks that the mind associates with difficulty and effort into seamless effort. Only then when the ease of a run is tantamount to breathing, then you have succeeded. But the mind will always continue to say things that “oh, this is too hard” or allow time off because of prior success once the ephemeral nature of motivation passes. Rather than seek to eliminate the internal narrative that seeks to maximise comfort and minimise pain, we must remain conscious of its empty nature and use our intellect and discipline to persevere. Every fight is ultimately a fight with your mind.

[mrcelsius]

Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.

Carl Jung

[mrcelsius]

Post-run

What was one of my most unfittest run in arguably a couple of years was one of my favourite runs. For it was there I was reminded of everything with such clarity: how hard I am on myself for previous runs and accomplishments; how we can excuse not being the best character we can be because of the environment around us; action ALWAYS precedes motivation; and that we are all accompanied with a mind that will contradict and feel and think things we wish it not to, yet to suppress the motions will surely be one’s undoing. These are not my best words, but that’s okay. The psyche is a complex playground and we must choose wisely which ones to use and share, and which ones to disregard and forever keep private.

[mrcelsius]

"The shadow cannot be eliminated. It is the ever-present dark brother or sister. Whenever we fail to see where it stands, there is likely to be trouble afoot. For then it is certain to be standing behind us. The adequate question therefore never is: Have I a shadow problem? Have I a negative side? But rather: Where does it happen to be right now? When we cannot see it, it is time to beware! And it is helpful to remember Jung's formulation that a complex is not pathological per se. It becomes pathological only when we assume that we do not have it; because then it has us." "This brings us to the fundamental fact that the shadow is the door to our individuality. In so far as the shadow renders us our first view of the unconscious part of our personality, it represents the first stage toward meeting the Self. There is, in fact, no access to the unconscious and to our own reality but through the shadow. Only when we realize that part of ourselves which we have not hitherto seen or preferred not to see can we proceed to question and find the sources from which it feeds and the basis on which it rests. Hence no progress or growth is possible until the shadow is adequately confronted — and confronting means more than merely knowing about it. It is not until we have truly been shocked into seeing ourselves as we really are, instead of as we wish or hopefully assume we are, that we can take the first step toward individual reality.

[mrcelsius]

Look I normally respect everyone’s opinions how is anyone NOT voting for Wretched Tooth????? they have so much more going on than Rick and I Just. Don’t. Get. Why anyone would vote for Rick? #ProudWretched ToothSupporter #IStandWithWretchedTooth

[mrcelsius]

When one's primary mode of cognition is meta-cognition, what is there left to reflect upon? Circular thinking is dead. The mind disintegrates from a colossal circus to a diminutive dessert, and I stand outside it all like a spectator from the heavens.