mrsstyles613

[mrsstyles613]

“I’ll Be There For You” 🎸

Synopsis: After four months of relationship, y/n confesses why she has put off intimacy.

Warnings: Mentions of S/A, alcohol consumption, kissing, a small cut that Harry kisses better

My first ever piece of writing

Harry and I have been together for just under four months, and I’ve loved every minute of it. I met him at work during a miserable evening shift at Bath and Body Works. Harry came in to buy a package for his sister, who had just had a baby, and I showed him all the products I thought she would like. He also came in the next day claiming that his mother’s birthday was coming up and he needed a present (she did have a birthday coming up, in 8.5 months). Harry kept finding excuses to come and talk to me until one day at the end of my shift he came to me to ask if I had time for a coffee, which of course I said yes! Since that moment, we’ve been practically inseparable.

There has not been a moment of awkward silence between us. We’ve either talked about our love of music or just joked around with each other. Most of our nights have been spent on my couch watching Friends and arguing about whether Ross and Rachel are actually on a break. Sometimes we’ve stayed up until 4am talking about life and its meaning. He has not met my family yet, but I know my mum would love him. He has respect for women, speaks softly and treats me like a princess. We are incredibly close in every way but physically. We hold hands, he puts his arm around my shoulder when we go for a walk, we’ve even made out on my couch a few times, but that’s about it. He’s not pushy at all, and I know he would never pry, but he must be at least a little curious as to why I keep our make-out sessions so brief.

Saturday night rolled around, and Harry and I were supposed to go on a double date again, this time to the movies with Mitch and Sarah, but I texted in the group chat that I had a bad headache and couldn’t make it. I immediately see Harry’s name flash up on my screen, but I don’t want to take his call right now, so I let it ring. Instead, he answers my group message privately, letting me know he’s on his way and that he senses something is wrong. Crap.

I have to pretend I’m fine, so I quickly brush my hair, put on some lipstick and a little dress. Maybe tonight is the night I just grit my teeth and bear it? He’s adorable and I’ll probably be fine if I just force myself to be intimate with him, right? I can fake it. I take some wine out the cupboard, pour myself a full glass and put it in the fridge. I find two glasses and put on some music. I look at the clock, figuring he’ll probably be here any minute, so i drink the entire glass in one go. I wipe the edges of my mouth and catch my nervous, sickly reflection in the mirror and am interrupted by a knock on the door.

Get a grip, y/n. Just get over it.

I stumble across the room, the wine clearly taking effect, and open the door to Harry. He was wearing a loose fitting white shirt with his swallow tattoos peeking out, blue jeans and a confused and worried expression plastered on his face.

“Darling, what’s wrong? Why are you all dressed up? I thought you were already in bed with Tylenol and…. are those wine glasses?” Harry got more and more puzzled the more he looked at me and my apartment.

“Hey Harry! Come in, it’s freezing outside. Maybe I can warm you up?” I say as I walk behind him and seductively slip his jacket off his shoulders, my hands shaking. My God, y/n, pull yourself together, you can’t lose this guy.

I throw the jacket on the couch and walk into the kitchen, making sure my butt is clearly visible, even though I can feel his gaze burning into the back of my head. I reach for the bottle of wine, pop the lid open and turn to Harry, “You like white wine, right?”

He runs his fingers through his hair, looking frazzled “Um, yeah I think so. Y/n, is everything alright?”

“Sure,” I reply, watching the wine flow into the glass and handing it to him. “Why wouldn’t it be? I have the sexiest man in the world in my apartment” ugh, I hate myself.

Harry hesitantly takes the glass from my hand, his fingers brushing mine and lingering in an attempt to grab my attention. I poured myself a (second) glass, the bottle neck clinking against the rim of the glass, causing the bottle to nearly drop to the floor Harry’s quick reaction prevented the bottle from slipping completely out of my hand. “Woah, okay, love. Are You sure you’re okay?” he asks, setting the bottle down on the countertop.

Harry turned back to me and saw me drinking the last drops of what he could only assume was a full glass of wine when five seconds ago. I hiccupped and smiled at him. “Lets move this to the couch, babe,” I say, grabbing his arm and staggering over to the plush sofa. Harry sits on the edge, his back straight, hands on his knees, looking noticeably more worried than before as he watched me empty the glass of wine and set it down on the coffee table. My vision blurred with tears.

No, y/n, relax. It’s just sex. Everyone does it. If you don’t do it, he will leave you. Now come on.

I placed both my hands on Harry’s broad chest and leaned in for a kiss. Harry looked at me with open eyes, wondering what could have possessed his sweet girlfriend to behave like this? He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back a little to catch a glimpse of my face.

“Y/n sweetheart, this isn’t you. What’s going on? I do not mean to pry, but you’ve been acting a little weird all week, since our last date with Mitch and Sarah. Tell me, baby, what’s going on? You know you can tell me anything, I will...”

“Harry, let us just get this over with. I just want to get this over with,” I said sloppily. Who says things like that? I start to unzip my dress when I knock my wine glass off the coffee table with my elbow, shattering it into a million pieces on the floor. Harry’s horrified eyes dart back and forth between me and the broken glass. I curse under my breath and kneel on the floor to pick up the pieces.

“Doll, be careful, you’ll hurt yourself. I’ll go get the dustpan,” and what can I say, he was right. A large shard of glass sliced open my palm and I started to bleed. “Shit,” I said, “it wasn’t supposed to go like this!”

Harry rushed into the bathroom and came back with a first aid kit. He knelt down on the floor next to me and reached out, asking for my hand. Hesitantly, I showed him the wound and his eyes widened. “I’m sorry if the wipe thing hurts, love. I’ll do it as quickly as I can. Hold on to me if you need to squeeze something,” he continued, placing my other hand on his forearm. Harry carefully cleaned the wound and bandaged it, my vision blurred again.

Harry held your bandaged hand in his, kissing the back of your hand softly and admiring his work, “There you are, love, all clean. Next time we will clean it with… hey hey hey, what's all this?” I hadn’t realised it yet, but tears were streaming down my face. Harry took me by the arms, gently sat me down on the couch and took me into his warm embrace. He rubbed slow circles on my back, my tears soaking his white shirt

“Shhh love it’s alright, i’m here. Just let it all out, we can talk later if you want, I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated these mantras for the next few minutes until I pushed myself off his chest and tried to catch my breath, which was choppy from all the sobbing.

“Breathe with me, okay? In, hold it and out. Now you,” Harry whispered, ducking slightly to make eye contact with me and gently holding my forearms to ground me. I repeated his instructions until my breathing returned to normal. “Good girl, just breathe. Now, can you tell me what’s going on? I don't wanna pressure you, and you don’t have to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable, but I’m really worried about you, and then you cancel plans and act like this and -”

“I was raped, Harry”

Shit, the cat's out of the bag, nice work, drunk y/n.

Harry’s face dropped. It stayed that way until his eyebrows began to furrow and his eyes glistened with tears. “You were, what? When? Who?!” You felt his soft hold tighten slightly as he moved a little closer to you. He caught himself, realising that maybe physical closeness wasn’t what you needed after a statement like that, so he backed away a little.

“It was a few years ago” Oh no, I sense a drunken monologue. “It was my ex from college, he was my first boyfriend and I just went along with everything he said and did. He forced himself on me most nights, even when I resisted. It only ended because someone caught him in the act and he was detained. Since then, I’ve been unable to trust men with my body, anything physical sends me into a panic”

I finally make eye contact with Harry, who is now crying and not knowing what to do with himself. His natural instinct would be to cuddle me, but I’d just mentioned how uncomfortable I am with touch sometimes. “Y/n, thank you for telling me. I’m so sorry that this happened to you and that you have to live like this, it must be so hard…”

“It's ruined every potential relationship I have had since. The guys just walk away as soon as they realise they’re not getting anywhere with me physically and -“

“Wait, is that why you tried to start something tonight? Y/n, I’m not with you for that. Hey, look at me,” he says softly, taking my face in his big hands and wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “You’re so beautiful, and I see a future with you, and you make me laugh with all your funny jokes, and we have so much in common. I’m not here in the hope that you’ll put out one day, and I’m certainly not going to bugger off if I don’t see it happening. I adore you, y/n, and I’m sorry, but you can not get rid of me that easily”

I giggled at that last statement and threw myself into his arms for one of those huge, all-consuming hugs that Harry knows I like, cradling me in his arms, swaying slightly and playing with my hair “all in good time, love. And if it never happens, that’s okay too. I’m here for the long haul. Unless you start telling me that Ross and Rachel were on a break..."

“Harry, they were! She asked for a break!”

Harry raised his eyebrows and leaned back , “Yeah, but Ross never agreed, he just stormed out! They never had a conversation.” Harry’s face lit up, not because of the topic of conversation, but because he saw a glimpse of his darling girlfriend again.

I smiled and laid my head back on Harry’s chest, he started humming the guitar intro to the Friends theme song and used my arm as an air guitar to strum on, he does that a lot. We stayed like that in comfortable silence for the next few minutes until I broke the silence.

“Thanks for listening and for the first aid, that can’t have been easy”

“I’ll be there for youuuuuu, when the raiiiin starts to pour”, I forgot for a second that he could sing well. I continued;

“I’ll be there for youuuuuu, like I’ve been there before”

“I’ll be there for youuuuuu” he kissed me on the nose “cause you’re there for me too” God, how am I this lucky?

Harry leaned back on the couch and pulled me to him to snuggle against his chest. He turned on the TV, the familiar and heartwarming sound of Netflix came on, he kissed me on the temple and asked, “We were on season 8, right?”