musicgobblin

[musicgobblin]

early beatles writing sessions

paul: okay, we have to come up with some ideas for the next album. so i was thinking—

john: i have an idea for a song about how im a piece of shit fat ugly bitch with no friends and is hated by everyone and should die. i’m going to call it Dumbfuck Asshole About To Kill Himself.

paul: ���…right! cool! i was thinking more along the lines of “i love you girl and want to dance with you” but that’s really good too!

[musicgobblin]

The year is 2030.

At the Cincinnati stop of her "world tour", Taylor Swift ends her set. As she walks off the stage, she leans into a nearby mic and says "oh by the way, I'm lesbian".

She's still milking a public relationship with a man named Chett Whitesman, so this is met with a combination of cheers and confusion. Immediately, the media mobilizes. They have to intercept her before she gets onto her private jet, and ambush her for an interview. Luckily, this has become much easier these days. Since the release of her 2027 album, "The Carbon Emissions of my Heart", T Swizzle has performed a ritual sacrifice of an endangered species on live camera every time she boards her jet, a #girlboss way of saying that her emotional pain can only be healed by the tortured screams of drowning polar bears.

(Since this practice started, a devoted faction of Swifties have started a carbon negative algae farming commune, with the express intent of negating taytay sweezie's contributions to climate change. Apparently "her tortured soul deserves to pollute without guilt". They haven't even come close to their goals.)

Taytor Twift is intercepted after this ritual, as she's walking up the steps of her plane. When asked what the lesbian statement was about, she nonchalantly says "oh, I thought it was clear that was a joke. Anyways, G T G!" , before biting into the still beating heart of an emperor penguin.

During her flight, discourse on the newly renamed twitter-X-ElonIsExtremelyVirile Corp goes nuclear like it never has been before.

There's a camp of swifties thoroughly convinced that her relationship with Chett is all a beard so that she can still keep touring in the New Christian Republic of Florida, and the interview at the plane was deepfaked.

A different camp of Swifties feels insulted and betrayed that she would be anything less than a paragon of allyship. To them, this is the worst slight the queer community has ever experienced.

A third camp of Swifties insists that she *is* dating Chett, and is also a lesbian. They get insulted that anyone would police Taylor's labels. Comparisons to the Boulder, Colorado shooter are made.

A group of non Swifties tries to point out that everyone is fucking insane and that 'ole taytay regularly tear gases pride rallies to make way for her promenade to stadium venues, and who the fuck cares about this shit and point out that what a billionaire celebrity does for five minutes of PR is not worth your attention or discourse, nor does it warrant harassing other people for the labels *they* use, and isn't it really fucked up that Taylor is making a joke of how people describe their identities? They are promptly doxxed, harassed, and banned.

Bi lesbian discourse is off the charts. Nothing Taylor said has anything to do with it, but it happens anyways.

A lone transsexual who actually goes outside once in a while tweets "hey guys isn't it kinda fucked up that 2.4 billion people have been displaced by mega storms this year that her jet contributes to and is also specifically designed to fly over" and is promptly doxxed and harassed off the platform.

After an exhausting 9 minute plane ride, Tailing Swiffer lands in Columbus for the next performance of her world tour. She unveils a new single that contains the line "ride my horse after dumping him, stepping up onto my SAD dle".

All is forgotten. All is quiet. The Swifties continue as usual, moving on to the next discourse about these lyrics.

[musicgobblin]

[musicgobblin]

Just because someone doesn't like rap or any other type of music does not make them racist or this or that.

no one is telling you that you need to love every genre of music ever made on planet earth but its naive to assume music happens in a social vacuum because it doesn't. there is a reason we value some genres and dismiss others and often that has nothing to do w "artistry" and everything to do with social & cultural hierarchies & its not radical to ask people to question why they hate some music off the bat or assume its all the same without learning anything about it to begin with.

also I need to make this clear -- rap, specifically, is not the same as pop or techno because there has rarely been any mainstream criticisms of it over the past 40 years that hasn't been tinged by some kind of antiblackness from the start. you don't have to personally enjoy it but you can also recognize that a genre of music created by a historically (and still) marginalised community is derided and dismissed BECAUSE of that marginalisation more than anything else, even when it's not your thing. that's all I'm saying.

[musicgobblin]

Ok, so in 1982 during a Black Sabbath show, lead singer Ozzy Osbourne famously bit the head off a live bat. Some kid threw it at him from the audience and supposedly brought it thinking it was dead and Ozzy Osbourne thought it was rubber. (idk whether to believe either of these claims, I wouldn't put it past this man to knowingly bite the head off a live bat). This isn't even the goofiest part yet though.

In 2019, Ozzy Osbourne celebrated the 37th anniversary of decapitating a bat with his teeth in front of thousands of people.

The man sold a bat plush with a removeable head.

The fucking gall

[musicgobblin]

THEY'RE REAL ‼️

[musicgobblin]

My favorite guitarist/astrophysicist/person with the best hair in the world just being a silly guy

(i forgot where this photo is from)

[musicgobblin]

Miss Adelaide - Guys and Dolls

Troy Barnes - Community

Hobie Brown/Spiderpunk - Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse

2D - Gorillaz

Jareth the Goblin King - Labyrinth

Wheatley - Portal 2

Crowley - Good Omens

HIM - Powerpuff Girls

Abigail - Stardew Valley

Narrator - The Stanley Parable

Sorry they're almost all men lmao, while making this I was referencing my man bank, and I don't have a woman bank.

And because "man bank" makes me sound like a psycho, it's just a list my friends and I each made of our favorite men/man-adjacent people in media, it's real silly

I don't have anyone to tag lol

@batbaffle thank you for tagging me!

10 Characters/10 Fandoms/10 Tags

Elisabeth: das Musical — Death

Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal — Astral

Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains — Ai

Tanz der Vampire — Herbert

Metropolis — Freder

Revolutionary Girl Utena — Saionji

Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters — Yuugi

Black Butler — Sebastian

Dracula — Jonathan

i seem to have suddenly forgotten everything ive ever been interested in, please pretend theres a tenth thing here

@jaewul @phosphohope @dualumina @r-biter @violent-kurumi @hasbledtodeathunderourknife @eggsinthewind @picturejockey @spiritsncrystals @justapalspal

[musicgobblin]

So I just realized that both this and my main blogs' banners are David Bowie and Mick Jagger from the music video from their 1985 cover of Dancing in the Street (originally by Martha reeves and the Vandellas, 1964). Because of this, I feel the need to share this [insert adjective here] music video. It's uhh...

It's strange.

It seems to be a "you love it or you hate it kind of thing". Personally, I love it because they're both just being the most chaotic boyfriends ever (and they were gay for each other, trust me) and it was apparently all shot in pretty much one take which just makes it even more authentically insane. Others hate it because it's "too horrifically 80s", but as someone who wasn't alive until well after the 80s, I find it an entertainingly fascinating glimpse into the most coked up decade in history.

[musicgobblin]

Silly fun fact:

David Bowie was actually a one hit wonder with his song Space Oddity (1969). It was only after the immense success of his 5th album, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, as well as the tour for said album (1972) that he fell permanently into the mainstream. In fact, he became so popular, that many songs from his 3rd album, The Man Who Sold the World (1970) (the album cover is amazing, he's literally just laying there in drag), and especially from his 4th album, Hunky Dory (1971), became incredibly popular well after their release.

Some songs you may recognize from these two albums are Changes, Life on Mars?, and The Man Who Sold the World

Anyway, just something a bit goofy that I found pretty interesting when I learned about it :)

[musicgobblin]

this might be my favorite thing ever and I know this is being updated, but here are my personal additions just for fun:

Black Sabbath: (1/10) Well none of them are the Sabbath itself, not to mention that the Sabbath doesn't have a color, and none of them observe the Sabbath, but two are religious so maybe that counts for something?

Big Brother & The Holding Company: (1/10) I could only confirm that one member has a brother, and I'm not sure if he's older or younger. Aside from that, there are 0 holding companies in the band

The Grateful Dead: 4/10 A little more true now than it used to be :(

The Jimi Hendrix Experience: (8/10) I mean yeah. There were other people in the band, but close enough

The Yardbirds: (1/10) They weren't birds, but Eric Clapton certainly has the brain of one*

Jefferson Airplane: (0/10) Not one of the members has been named Jefferson, nor were any of them planes

The Clash: (7/10) There was certainly some infighting, so I suppose it's accurate

Crosby, Stills, & Nash (& Young): (10/10) Really hit the nail on the head

Creedence Clearwater Revival: (0/10) Not only were there no Creedences or Clearwaters in the band BUT IT WASN'T A FUCKING REVIVAL OF ANYTHING. this has confused me for years

Steppenwolf: (0/10) So the band name is based on a novel of the same name which is the German name for a certain type of wolf. That being said, I don't think there was a wolf in this band.

The Mamas and the Papas: (10/10) You wouldn't believe my surprise when I found out they all actually did have kids

The Kinks: (?/10) I suppose I'd have to know them better

One Direction: (0/10) I don't listen to them, but I am well aware that they did not remain in the same direction

Peter, Paul, & Mary: (10/10) Yeah absolutely

Santana: (8/10) Similar to Jimi Hendrix Experience, yeah he was there, but there was a bit more to it

The Turtles: (0/10) They're not though

* I apologize for this comment, I realize I have done a huge disservice to all birds

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 3/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

(Edit: changed from 0/10 to 3/10 because John Lennon beat his wife)

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!

Weezer: 5/10. They all look like they definitely have asthma

Limp Bizkit: 3/10. While the visual image of baked goods playing the guitar is hilarious, Fred durst is not a biscuit. Points added because he probably has erectile dysfunction

Stone Temple Pilots: 0/10. None of these people are accredited as being licensed to pilot anything, much less an entire stone temple. Stone temples don’t need pilots anyways

Wasted Youth: 8/10. I guess it really kinda depends on how you frame it but yeah, they probably wasted a lot of it

Them Crooked Vultures: 3/10. These are people and not birds but Dave Grohl’s posture is kinda bad and John Paul Jones is so old that his neck kinda looks like a vulture’s so I added some points

Audioslave: 0/10. Slavery is illegal

Traveling Wilburys: 4/10. Sure, they traveled a lot but not a single one of those lying bastards was named Wilbury

D12: 6/12. There were only 6 people in this band

NWA: 10/10. I’m a little too white to safely comment on this one but I’d say they nailed it

Jet: 1/10. A real jet would be way too loud

Goldfinger: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a finger made out of gold

No Doubt: ?/10. I can’t really be too sure how Gwen Stefani felt but I think it’s probably a safe assumption that she had some doubts

The White Stripes: 3/10. I bet if you stripped them down naked and made them stand shoulder to shoulder and squinted really hard they’d probably look more like white stripes

Screaming trees: 3/10. They scream occasionally

Garbage: 2/10. I think they’re being a little harsh on themselves, their music isn’t THAT bad

Butthole Surfers: 5/10. Not even gonna touch this one

Megadeth: 3/10. To be fair, some of the former members are dead but only a little amount of death, not mega death

Dead Kennedys: 2/10. Last I checked Kennedy was still dead but neither he nor his clones are members of this band

Cake: 0/10. The cake is a lie

Cracker: 8/10. Most of them are

Tool: 7/10. I don’t know much about their music but they sure look like tools

Counting Crows: ?/10. Is this what emo kids do instead of counting sheep? Accuracy depends on whatever bird they happen to be counting at the moment

Dave Matthews Band: 10/10. It certainly is

Oasis: 1/10. Their music is the opposite of an oasis

Blur: 2/10. They are not that fast

Barenaked Ladies: 0/10. If I wanted to be this disappointed I’d reestablish a connection with my biological father instead

Meat Puppets: 10/10. Technically, aren’t we all?

Live: 8/10. Apparently they still do live shows but I deducted some points because I’ve only ever heard their music on Spotify

ABBA: 9/10. I’m still not giving any points to Guns N’ Roses but that’s mostly out of spite

5 Finger Death Punch: 8/10 I guess it probably depends on how hard you hit them but this seems to be the usual amount of fingers to punch somebody with

All American Rejects: 9/10. They’re all rejects from America so I don’t really see any issue with this

T. Rex: 0/10. Even if any of these people WAS a T. Rex I don’t think their arms would be long enough to play their instruments

Free: 0/10. Unless you steal their music, in which case it becomes a 10/10

The Strokes: 3/10. To my knowledge, none of them have had a stroke but I still added a few points because the name was probably accurate for other reasons

The Smashing Pumpkins ?/10. Another thing I have no way of verifying but this seems like a waste of perfectly good pumpkins

Therapy?: ?/10. The hell are they asking me for? I don’t know their medical history

Twenty One Pilots. 0/10. There’s only two of them and neither is a licensed pilot

Finger Eleven: 0/10. Leave the poor Stranger Things girl out of this

Fall Out Boy: 9/10. I conferred with an expert on this one who confirmed that they are in fact boys who had a falling out

Cream: 8/10. Considering this was the OG supergroup I’m sure a lot of people did in fact cream when their music came out

Edit: humans aren’t fucking monkeys. Stop saying we are

[musicgobblin]

Pardon the rant, but I keep getting disappointed by movies that share their names with songs or albums that I like, then have nothing to do with the music :(

First it was Baby Driver, and they technically did play Baby Driver (Simon & Garfunkel) during the credits, but for a movie where the protagonist is obsessed with music they could've played it during the actual movie.

Then is American Beauty (I actually haven't watched this one), but it has nothing to do with the Grateful Dead apparently. I get this one a little more because the title is a bit more generic but it's still letting my hyperfixation down.

Then yesterday I was looking through movies and found one called Dazed and Confused from 1993, but get this: it takes place in 1976, during the peak of Led Zeppelin's popularity (I'm aware Jimmy Page didn't really write entirely was heavily inspired by Jack Holmes who wrote the original version 2 years prior to the release of Led Zeppelin's release, but Led Zeppelin's was way more popular (fun fact: Jack Holmes opened for The Yardbirds, Jimmy Page's band before Led Zeppelin, before they disbanded)). The thing with this movie is that it is filled to the brim with 70s music, there's even a character named Randall "Pink" Floyd, and still no mention of Led Zeppelin :(

Anyway I haven't watched American Beauty or Dazed and Confused, and I've heard they're really good, but I'm afraid my music obsession might make it difficult to appreciate them. Then again, I knew about the Baby Driver soundtrack before watching it and I quite liked it, so who knows.

thanks for reading this very neuro-divergent rant :)