my-strange-attraction

[my-strange-attraction]

Hey. It's been a bit.

I graduated from college almost a year ago now and it's been... strange. For the purposes of this blog, talking about sexuality and gender and labels, one huge thing that has changed for me is. Not being in my tiny ass college town anymore. HUGE, tbh.

I moved to a city with a huge queer community! And Hinge goes OFF here, it's honestly overwhelming.

I've had my first (and second, and third) "date" now? Kind of underwhelming in all honesty, but that's just because all of those dates were trial dates that didn't end up working out, so it was more like hanging out with friends. GOD, lesbians are so bad about meeting and not feeling romantic chemistry and then wanting to be friends anyways. I am starting to get pretty fatigued with making new friends.

Here I'm yapping again. I wanted to talk about how this has affected my perception of my sexuality.

It's... strange. I feel like the more I've looked at women on dating apps, the less I've been inclined towards them? But I went on a date with a genderqueer person who was more masculine presenting and (hate to say it and make it a Thing but it is kind of a thing for me) AMAB and it was kind of super uncomfortable for me.

Again my bisexual crisis!

I've come back to the conclusion that I do think men are attractive but kind of in the way that I think a long skirt is cute--I like to look, but feel uncomfortable when it's paired with me.

But. I also do feel kind of a distance from women too. Not as much, because I did grow up with women, but there's something about being with fellow sapphic genderqueer people that is just. So comforting? And having something funky going on with gender makes a person SO hot to me.

I've been thinking I'm just autistic, maybe. /hj lmao

I don't know, there's something about having similar experiences. Seeing yourself in someone else. People joke about the gay experience of accidentally dating your doppelganger, but there's something to be said for knowing, at first meeting, that there are certain parts of another person that you immediately can understand and that they can understand about you.

Maybe it's just because I've only been on first dates with people from dating apps, but this has also been the case for me with friendships in the past. I've always been most drawn to my queer, genderqueer, afab best friends. I've always wanted to spend the most time and have the deepest conversations with them.

I think I'm slowly starting to understand what romantic energy feels like to me? More on that another time. Aro followers still here from the times of pre-sexuality-crisis-cloudy, I know you're dying to hear the definition, and I can assure you I'm working on it, haha.

There's more to talk about here than I really have the energy for, at the moment. I'm on my period x_x I just felt the urge to write a real post on this blog for the first time in a while. I'm still alive! I'm still confused. Peace out, cuties ;)

[my-strange-attraction]

The reason that its "okay" for me to not have a romantic partner isn't that I get a special pass because I'm aromantic. The reason it's "okay" for me to not have a romantic partner is because human beings do not need to experience romance. Allo people and aspec people are equally capable of being happy and fulfilled without partnership.

[my-strange-attraction]

also what is with people tossing out support for nonbinary people when the nonbinary person is a celebrity. as soon as demi lovato changed their pronouns from they/them to they/she everyone, including supposed allies of the community, IMMEDIATELY dropped the “they” part of “they/she” and started referring to them as a woman again. then when “unholy” by sam smith and kim petras won a grammy people talked about how kim petras (just her) made trans history by being the first trans person to win a grammy. and yes this is something to be celebrated, but is sam smith not also trans by virtue of being nonbinary? did they not also make history? or do you not see them as nonbinary because they’re amab and not feminine enough to cross the man threshold for you? and yes nonbinary celebrities are not going to see you referring to them as if they were cis but your trans acquaintances sure as fuck are

[my-strange-attraction]

I gotta say, so much queer intra-community horseshit dropped off my shoulders when I decided to adopt a firm policy that everyone is the expert in their own identity, the single most knowledgeable person about what it's like to live life in their own skin, and that if someone describes their experience in ways I find contradictory or paradoxical I should do them the courtesy of presuming that they are striving to express something very specific and nuanced, rather than leaping to the conclusion that they're just dumb and using words wrong.

Sure, there are some combinations of identity terms that I look at and go "hmm, I don't get how that works." I'm still a human being. But there's a big difference between not getting how something works versus insisting that it doesn't.

[my-strange-attraction]

Some of you people have forgot that a textbook Conservative tactic against those they deem to be inferior is to create sock puppet accounts to push false narratives, and sow discord among groups. Pretending to be someone they're not, just to integrate themselves in a group, and then divide the group and let them take care of each other through infighting is the most efficient tactic of taking down minority groups.

Just wanted to remind you of this. No reason in particular.

[my-strange-attraction]

On today's episode of Is It Unmasking Or Second Puberty? I've cried two separate times, at two separate tv shows, today alone, and I'm not usually a crier (or I haven't let myself be, but now I have my own room in my own apartment not in college) but also my period is due any day now and I'm luteal, but also in the past my hormones have never really affected my mood in that way, just made me tired, so this is new for me.

[my-strange-attraction]

"well if it's not androgynous what should a nonbinary person look like??" ***EXTREMELY LOUD BUZZER SOUND*** WRONG!!!! YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG!!!!!!! NOBODY "SHOULD" ANYTHING!!!! THAT IS NOT WHAT QUEERNESS IS ABOUT!!!!! GO TO THE CALM DOWN CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE JUST SAID.

[my-strange-attraction]

note from submitter:

My interest is more on people who discovered they were genderfluid recently, hence why the options get more broad the further back in time you go.

[my-strange-attraction]

[my-strange-attraction]

contrary to popular belief not everyone has an innate sense of internal gender or care to have one or seek a name for it, some people go their whole lives without questioning their occupation in one of two gender roles, but for some people, if pressed, they don’t feel that internal sense of ‘i am a woman’ or ‘i am a man’, and in that case i feel the switch over to transgender vs cisgender relies on active identification of a gender other than the one they were assigned. if someone’s like ‘idk dude I just work here’ then that’s valid

[my-strange-attraction]

tumblr puritans have never spoken to a kinky person and you can tell this because they talk about ~scary~ kinks like a child who thinks their teacher sleeps at school. they have a 1700s "actors cannot be trusted for they engage in obscene behavior" mindset. yes lil buddy people can in fact roleplay situations and then exit that roleplay and have different thoughts and actions 🤗 adding sex to performance does not actually cast a magic spell that turns you into a monster incapable of morality <3

[my-strange-attraction]

Anyway for those of you not enmeshed with tumblr’s transgender mycelial network, or otherwise on its periphery, basically every damn day of pride month another couple trans bloggers have gotten wiped, regardless of blog content, following, blog age, anything, and it shows no sign of slowing. In general it seems to be hitting transfems more liberally, but transmasc and nonbinary friends of mine have also been wiped for their steadfast solidarity or Just Cause. There’s also been an uptick in posts being almost immediately marked mature by community tags for no discernible reason beyond “Posting While Trans”. This is a time to stick together like goddamn epoxy resin. Vocally defend and support each other. Block and ignore any wretched cunt spreading callouts or stirring up shit. Make sure you have a way to talk to your friends beyond this site. Don’t buy badges, don’t blaze, cold shoulder the fuck out of mod blogs, and give voice to your discontent.

Bite the hand🖤

[my-strange-attraction]

I need sapphic media recs NOW. Books preferred, but shows, webcomics, etc too. Just. Anything sapphic. Specifically cozy sapphic rather than sexy/ dramatic sapphic, but like. Also just give me your best recs, I've just not been good at finding good ones so far.

(I've been having my first crush that I've been aware of while it's happening, and I need an outlet for my pining other than writing gay yearning poetry and sharing crush posts to my close friends insta story on the off chance she'll see it)

[my-strange-attraction]

Hi, I graduated!

My college was Oberlin College. Look it up. It has a fucking reputation for being so ridiculously liberal and queer that even other liberal arts schools don't compare. Alison Bechdel, author of Fun Home, went to Oberlin and found out she was gay. Fun Home, one of the Big Lesbian Scriptures, is set in Oberlin (partly).

Is this petty of me, maybe. I won't be called a liar though, much less by an exclusionist who just wants to discredit me.

Got my degree in Creative Writing, btw. I only said English because Creative Writing is a major that's only offered at a handful of schools, and again, I'm super careful about this stuff. An English degree is about 50/50 reading/writing, give or take depeding on the program. My degree is in writing. It's 70/30 writing/reading. Just thought I would clarify that.

I am a lesbian and I came across Lostryu’s post by way of a mutual of mine. I was curious and wanted to see your response. I have to say your rebuttal contains nothing of merit that could possibly fare as a proper argument. It’s chock full of contradictory statements and straight up lies. I am assuming you’re a USA resident, but the highest university with an LGBT+ population is Brown Univeristy; and only about 20-24% of people reported being LGBT+

As a fellow english major, it was painful to read. Constant contradiction with only half formed ideas; practically agreeing with Lostryu regarding the definition of lesbian only to backpedal…. And words do have meaning, that’s why we use them in our craft as wordsmiths. You can’t simply replace keywords with opposite definitions and expect your manuscript to make sense!

I also want to point out that you degendered Lostryu entirely, refusing to use correct pronouns. That in and of itself is very transphobic. I don’t really trust your judgment as it seems like you didn’t even care about reblogging from lesbian and transgender rape apologists.

I thought you might like to reflect on this, but I truly think you care more about your self-perceived moral superiority rather than actual people.

-🧁

Oh boy. Ok.

Well thanks for being so kind and civil and not attacking my character.

I know you don't trust me, but you gotta trust that a queerer school than Brown exists and I go to it. I can see where the confusion is, after doing a google search myself, because my school is pretty small and doesn't show up on a lot of searches for colleges in the US. I will give you that, after looking up the number myself, it's more like 50-70%, but I will tell you that less than a quarter of the people I know and talk to on a regular basis are straight and cisgender.

I'm not writing an english essay here, it's a tumblr post. If anything, this is a lot closer to how I would format a philosophy paper, which, if you've ever read one of those, are very rambly and have roundabout ways of getting to the point. Also, again, thanks for not attacking my character, here. Thanks for really respecting me and not discrediting my nearly completed degree. Really appreciate that.

I... have no words. I used they/them/theirs pronouns throughout the whole post, which, I cannot stress enough, are NEUTRAL pronouns. I use those pronouns for all people online, and I think most other people do too. Yes, I knew he used he/him and used they/them instead, but I also cut his username out of all my screenshots. I wasn't talking about him specifically, his post was just an excuse for me to explain a concept in depth, and explain why exclusionism such as what he was promoting is detrimental to the queer community as a whole.

I didn't include his username or @ him at all. It wasn't even meant for him to look at, really. He was an example, a nebulous person with an opinion I don't agree with. It wasn't personal, so I used neutral pronouns. I am really sorry it came across that way though, I never want to make anyone uncomfortable and I know pronouns are super important to pay attention to for some people. This is an actual sincere apology.

I don't think I'm morally superior, that's not the point. I don't argue with people on the internet in order to prove my opinions are right and that anyone else with different opinions has made a wrong and evil choice and is unredeemable as a person. Really this whole thing happened because the original post had some terfy red flags and even though op isn't a terf, I wanted to point it out so that people know how to spot it and avoid it.

And do I think it's bad for the community to exclude mspec lesbians? Yes, but I also understand where the frustration comes from. I don't think less of people who have that opinion, I just hope to change their minds, because I think a radically inclusive community is the best kind of community.

[my-strange-attraction]

Hey, guess what? You're allowed to identify as something and then later identify as something else. It doesn't make you a liar or a fraud or an idiot. It's fine. It's okay. People change and grow and their understandings of themselves change and grow too. That's life. Don't sweat it.

It's okay to identify as gay and then later as bi or as bi and then later as gay. It's okay to identify as aro and then later realise you do experience romantic attraction. It's okay to change what name you use or what pronouns you use three hundred times. It's okay and you're always welcome in my community. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.

[my-strange-attraction]

I have always wanted to create an environment for genderfluid folks to share their experiences, support each other or just chill and this blog is exactly that :)

When I discovered I may be genderfluid I felt confused and scared. I had no one to relate to. No safe space to explore my posibilities freely. This blog is something that young me would greatly appreciate. Something that celebrates this discovery and encourages to be true to yourself.

So yeah! I would love to meet all of you fellow shapeshifters and hear your stories. Feel free to hit me up ^^

Bye!

[my-strange-attraction]

To a homophobe, even the most chaste kiss on the cheek between gay people is exactly as disgusting and degenerate as a hardcore BDSM orgy hosted in the town square, so you may as well ally with the BDSM orgy enthusiasts to throw bricks at the cops who are going to try and arrest all of you together anyway.