mycanadiancondition-blog

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Winter hangover #winter #parks #snow #winterblues #montreal #canada #droolingoverpicturesofbeaches #vitaminddeficiency (at Parc Jarry)

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To creative kindred spirits ❤️#quotes #creativity #mindfulness #music #art (at Montreal, Quebec)

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Flashback! Photo taken by @andrejchudy #singersongwriter #alternativerock #jazzrock #bandphotos #portrait #ziggijadovsky (at Greater Montreal)

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From one of my favourite writers. #womenwriters #activism #values (at Greater Montreal)

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Getting new songs ready ahead of Sister Singer II on Friday. Can't wait!! 😊❤️💃🏾 (at Montreal, Quebec)

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Sister Singer

Hard. Hard. Hard. Hard. Hard. HARD. Heart. Heart. Heart. Heart, I think as I’m lying in bed not looking forward to another night of tossing and turning, sighing and trying to convince my brain to switch off and let me rest. Focusing on my heart momentarily pulls me back into my body and relaxes me for a second but this is a familiar stress. It’s a million to-do lists in my head, circling around all the things I need to prepare for an upcoming event, trying to do as much as I can to make sure people know about it, keeping track of to-dos I can’t resolve now but will need to follow up in a few days, and trying not to take any inevitable roadblocks and setbacks too personally. I often wonder why I put myself through this. But the energetic aftermath of each event wipes all memory of my previous anxiety and sleepless nights and propels me forward, plotting the next time I can bring people together again in joyful and authentic celebration of music and plain good old human connection. I’m addicted to bringing people together, to joining the dots creatively and socially. It’s this reason I’ve decided to put on my event Sister Singer again and, hopefully, again and again and again.

I came up with the momentum to produce Sister Singer after experiencing the profound energy of people coming together for the Women’s March in Montreal earlier this year. It was around that time that I also saw Hypernormalization by filmmaker, Adam Curtis. In an interview about the film with Curtis, this quote struck me:

'You get scared by the slightest noise, the slightest snap of a twig. If you go into the woods with your friends in a group, it’s incredibly exciting and thrilling because you somehow feel stronger.’

I began to think of all the friends I’d made in the last 18 months of living in Montreal, quite a good number of whom are talented female singers. Settling in a new country had brought its challenges, some of which aimed themselves directly at my self belief as a front woman of a band and this seemed like a good opportunity to fight back on those doubts but, this time, with the help of my friends.

Often in the media female singers (particularly in Pop) are set up against each other to compete for the top place of ‘Queen’ in music and celebrity culture. It’s the battling for supposedly limited resources that people of oppressed identities typically face. It’s a shame that someone can be talked about because of all the gossip that tabloids generate and stir up about them and their spat with another talented female singer as this can take away from the attention paid to appreciating each artist’s skill.

As artists we are already made to struggle for limited resources which can give rise to toxic jealousy and competition. As female artists, this can be compounded tenfold and as Female singers…well, it’s quite common for me to hear someone mention how jealous and catty we supposedly all are. That’s not to deny that I haven’t internalized any of these messages. It’s something I struggle with constantly and it takes away from me trusting in what I have to offer and fully appreciating the mutual talents of my peers.

This night is definitely a Fuck You to all of those messages and money-making shit-stirring bile. It’s a night we get to take to the stage in all our  Feminine power. And it currently has a long way to go in offering a fully diverse line-up as I go to more gigs, make new connections and expand my community in Montreal.

And of course, more than anything this night is for the people who come to see it. Who take part by watching, volunteering and supporting in the ways they can. It’s you who bring your laughter, generosity, enthusiasm, curiosity and words of encouragement, which make it a night that is worth the occasional nervous tossing and turning in the sheets for.

————————————————————————————————— Next Sister Singer:

Friday 20th October at Theatre Sainte Catherine Doors: 7.30pm Tickets: $10 For more event details: http://theatresaintecatherine.com/fr/les-spectacles/sister-singer-ii Facebook invite: http://bit.ly/2xA4iXa

Sister Singer is a new event run by Ziggi Jadovsky to bring together   Montreal's Female-fronted bands and to celebrate all forms of Feminine power on the stage. After a successful first show, we're back with some bluesy acts, happy hour treats and midnight Karaoke for the inspired superstar in us all!

Interested in volunteering or performing at a future event? Please get in touch by email: ziggijadovsky@outlook.com or Facebook: www.facebook.com/ziggijadovsky

I would also like to clarify that ‘female-fronted’ as a term includes non-cis-gendered and non-binary femmes. As such, if you are a woman, cis or non-cis, and you would like to be part of future events, please do not hesitate to contact me! I want these events to celebrate all forms of Feminine power on the stage, and am open to your feedback on how to make this event as inclusive as possible.

Finally, this is a safe and friendly space for all of those in our glorious LGBTQIA community!

- Thanks @Marly for helping me put this together!

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Sometimes everything just feels right. You feel confident and relaxed, as if life and your creative projects are all swimming along sweetly. Other times, a fluctuation in creativity, subtle anxiety or momentary doubt can knock your confidence and

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Survival List On How to Turn Thirty and Not Give (too much of) a F*ck

I’m turning thirty in December. Being one of the last of my peers born in ‘87, I’ve had some time throughout the year to watch each of them go through the panic and self-questioning which seems to come with officially leaving our twenties.

I’ve felt this unease lurking beneath the surface since I turned twenty-five, when I realized I was technically a quarter of a century old, reaching its peak on my 29th birthday (my final year of freedom! supposedly..)  

It’s the kind of fear that wakes me up with a start in the mornings, feeling like I’ve somehow dreamt myself into someone else’s body and that makes me want to change my entire wardrobe, though I’m not sure what to…(ok, maybe it’s a little less dramatic than that but..)

Just something not girly, and not twenty-something-think-I’ll-get-respect-by-dressing-sexy BUT makes me feel like a woman. Yeah, something that makes me look serious BUT doesn’t make me lose my sense of humour, I think.

Eventually I opt for jeans and a t-shirt: my ‘inconspicuous’ outfit, chosen to make me blend into the world so that I can get around unnoticed while internally going through an identity crisis. I feel like someone has told me that from one day to the next I have to stop acting like a child and switch to behaving like an ‘adult’ but HOW!? (I can totally see where Peter Pan was coming from now)  

On other days, I think ‘fuck this’ and throw on the most sparkly outfit I have, happily bopping down the street and feeling the rebelliousness of my twenties still beating inside me.

I think the idea of ‘blending’ into the background is what I’m resisting when it comes to turning thirty. I’m a bit nonconformist and I admit that others may not be feeling so existentially tormented by this transition but there seems to be a societal undertone of expectation that one should start settling and giving up on any ‘unrealistic’, unfulfilled dreams when you hit the thirty milestone. And I think a lot of us feel uneasy about this.

The settling looks something like: having a long-term relationship (with one partner), making future plans to have a family, having a firm footing on some sort of career ladder and a mortgage (or at least renting your own place alone or with a partner and not with a multitude of room mates called Bob!…(Disclaimer: I’ve never actually lived with anyone named Bob, though I wouldn’t object to it)

If you aren’t able to tick the box in one of these areas I think it can make you feel uneasy and question whether or not you’re ‘successful’. As a millennial some of these objectives have become increasingly difficult to achieve, what with everything moving so fast, there being more choice than ever and less financial support to do it all.

But I wonder if there’s a reason we’re encouraged to think so much about our status in each of these areas at this particular time. If we’re still acting like twenty-year-olds, allowed to explore and experiment and change our identities from one day to the next, we might be a little bit unpredictable. We might even have our eyes wide open. 

But while I feel a sense of loss (of my youth or something like that) I also feel excited because I know that especially as a woman there’s a lot of freedom and respect given to you when you reach the age of thirty.

Though I don’t have the relationship, the mortgage, the stable career, or any plans to have a family (oh boy, I’m really not meeting the criteria!) I feel a deep kind of settling at my core. It’s not the settling which is about ticking any societal boxes but something that feels like maturity. I think it comes from the resilience I’ve developed over the last ten years and the faith I’ve gained that I can overcome pretty much whatever life has to throw at me.

Since turning eighteen I experienced my biggest heartbreak losing my father to suicide, I moved country with my family, I got a degree which I cried most of my way through (I’m a bit of a drama queen you might note), I moved in with someone who I then married (at that much-too-ripe age of twenty-three), I got divorced (obviously), joined a band for five years which was like a family, I left the band, wrote and recorded my first ever solo EP, moved country again after 9 years of living in the same place (alone this time) and I’ve developed strong friendships that have kept me going throughout everything. 

My point being that there’s a timing by which we think we’re meant to have achieved certain things, which not all of us are necessarily prone to do and that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re failing at life. 

It’s my experiences more than anything that make me feel like I’m approaching some level of comfort in my own skin and knowing within myself, which I’m looking forward to fully embracing with this turn of age and which I don’t believe materialism is capable of giving me.

That said, I also don’t believe in completely rejecting the opportunity that this slight pressure brings to think about whether I want to make certain choices about the lifestyle presented above, how and to what extent. I think it’s a wonderful time to be thoughtful about the next few years ahead but approaching it with a sense of excitement as opposed to letting any fear of looking like the odd one out dictate my moves.

I like the idea that you can still hold onto your dreams whilst thinking responsibly about how you’re going to pay the bills etc, even if it involves adapting them a little bit. We don’t all have to choose to live the insecure life of artists (I just can’t help it) but I think there’s something cool about being a doctor who also plays in a band or a musician who manages to raise their kid while on tour. They’re ways in which I would consider one has managed to live the ‘big life’, perhaps because they thought it possible. 

I’ve used this milestone to make a few ‘responsible’ choices this year. One of the main ones being to learn how to drive so that I can travel around Canada by next year and take my music on tour. 

Having seen most of my friends who’ve turned thirty breathe a sigh of relief and say ‘that wasn’t so bad’, I trust that I’m actually going to get through this one okay (who’d of known!?)

During the best moments, it feels like I’m piloting a plane which doesn’t yet have a landing spot but I trust that I’m going to get there (just maybe at a different speed to other people and I’m okay with that). I just wanna enjoy a bit of the free-fall for now.

Also, I’ve come up with a little ‘survival’ list for myself to navigate these last few months of unease until December strikes, which I’ll share here:

1) Make a list: cos that’s what adults do, right!? And then if you’re feeling uncertain about what you’ve achieved by this age you can just resort back to said list and be like see, I’ve made a list!!

2) Combat isolation: on a level, talk to everyone in your age-group about your apprehensions about turning thirty because they’ll reinforce the fact that you’re not alone and that they’re feeling the same way too.

3) Reality check: talk to people ten years + older than you because they’ll laugh at the fact that you’re worried about turning thirty and remind you that you’re still young (apparently they never went through that phase or it was so uneventful that they’ve forgotten all about it)

4) Incubate: DON’T read any articles about what you should have achieved by the age of thirty and why you should be doing certain things in your twenties to become a successful thirty-year-old, or about thriving twenty-year-old start-up owners (mostly because it will make you feel bad, we weren’t born in the ‘start-up’ era, you can’t change the past and you have to consider the agendas/aims of people writing those articles)

5) Ruminate: be thoughtful and make some choices cos it will empower you. DO at least think about your relation to some of the ‘serious’ topics of marriage, family, career and living situation. If you decide to reject any of the conventions at least you’ve done so purposefully (and can own that), instead of doing so in a knee-jerk reaction (which you might regret never having given thought to later)

6) Hallucinate: imagine talking to yourself in your forties and the things you would want your thirty year old self to know about what they might regret doing/not doing in the next ten years.

7) Ok, enough of the ‘ates’…BREATHE (because that’s what they tell you to do in any anxiety-inducing situation..)

8) Well, maybe one more ‘ate’… Rejuvenate: remember that you’re as young as you feel and just because you’re making big responsible choices now doesn’t mean life ain’t gonna be fun no more. Some of these choices can be seen as part of the next big adventure.

9) Affirm: look back over the last ten years and think about all that you’ve been through and the positive things you’ve achieved in all areas of your life. List them if you want and be proud of them (even you have to do so in secret).

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More tree art #montreal #trees #foundart (at Mount-Royal, Quebec)

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Thanks to everyone who came to the show last night. ''Twas a blast! ❤️ (at Greater Montreal)

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Growing in the back alley

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On Nature

I hear a loud crack and turn to see where the noise has come from. I notice a branch shaking from the takeoff impact of whatever animal it was that was perched on it and that most likely made the loud noise, but it’s disappeared. Out in this natural park in Gatineau, I am considered a threat to most of the wildlife and my steps - though I try to tread carefully - set things scurrying into bushes and plopping from pond lily leafs into water.

I am almost never quick enough to see what it was, little air bubbles and trembling leafs being the only signs that something living has just been there. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of a small bushy tail slipping into some undergrowth or little slimy, athletic legs pushing their way down into the shelter of the dark lake.

Once, walking round a bend on the gravelly path I come face to face with a deer. She gives me a solid stare before jumping into the forest, her hooves kicking up a cloud of white dust behind her.

Although I know it’s near impossible and perhaps unwise, I want to communicate to the wildlife I come across that I don’t intend to hurt them and I feel somewhat snubbed by the animals, insects and amphibians darting off in all directions to get away from me.

But by the fifth day of my two-week stay out in the Canadian woods, I’ve become a bit better at being inconspicuous and spot a family of otters swimming in the lake. It feels strangely sacrilegious, as if I’m watching a trio of nymphs bathing in precious water. As a mere mortal, I hold my breath and try not to make any noise while I watch. The otters undulate in and out of the water and happily munch on the remainders of dead tree trunks left behind by the beavers.

This moment seems oddly precious and makes me a little nostalgic. I think about the future, the almost ungraspable rapid growth of technology and wonder how likely I am to get a similar glimpse of something like this again.

When I get back to the house, I tell my uncle, who I’ve been staying with, what I’ve seen. He asks me, ‘Do you consider it nature?’ I reply, without hesitation, that of course I do. Apparently there are some people in the world claiming otherwise and my uncle informs me he’s currently writing a counter-argument to an idea that’s been circulating amongst certain environmental groups in the US that nature doesn’t exist anymore because everything has by now been tainted by human impact.

Over lunch one day my uncle, who is curious and loves to ask questions, wants to know what I find different about living in Canada and the UK. I’ve just come back from a walk in the woods and I tell him that I consider the differences between the flora and fauna of both countries to be the thing that stands out to me (among lots of other things of course).

I love how unkempt the Canadian forest is as opposed to the tidiness of British fields. As I climb over fallen trees on the path and push through bushes to get to a clearing - which, having once been a beaver dam is now a rich ecosystem for insects and wild flowers - I think about how all of this is part of a natural cycle of growth and decay.

The beavers seem to have an understanding of this cycle, leaving behind what looks like a battlefield of dead trees in their wake but which over time clears space for rich new growth to move in. I’ve heard that nature doesn’t like a void.

My uncle tells me that some people have complained about the unkemptness of the Canadian forests and that in Europe lots of organization is put into making proper paths and clearing dead trees away so that humans can enjoy these natural parks.

In Poland, the government has allowed logging to take place in one of Europe’s last remaining primeval forests, Białowieża forest (a Unesco World Heritage site), which could potentially disrupt the natural cycle, pushing the ecosystem to a point of no return. The logging is part of the forest management but there’s a disagreement between the government and local Forestry Service and various environmentalist groups about how much management to do. The latter group claims that there should be less management and that nature should mainly be left to her own devices in order not to kill off the rare species of wildlife which lives there.

My uncle drives me to the station on the last day of my trip. I look out at the forest surrounding the long drive from his house to the main road, my eyes hungrily trying to take it all in before I go back to the city. As we pass the wild flowers which have grown over the former beaver dam I think of how much nature still has to teach us. About cycles, symbioses and organization. Perhaps I belong to the group of ‘hippies’ which the ‘nature is dead’ camp claim is clinging onto an older way of life, as opposed to their suggestion to explore what human technology can do to manage the environmental situation.

But there’s something humbling and awe inspiring about being out in nature that I’m not ready to let go of, and which I think is necessary for our mental health. Nature is messy and untidy and apparently chaotic. I say ‘apparently’ because I think one man’s chaos is another man’s order and I actually consider nature to be very organized.

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New toy...#fisheye #orchids #plasticflowers #iheartphotography (at Montreal, Quebec)

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Where are th (at Gatineau, Quebec)