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namfinessed · 2 months ago

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drabble game (dialogue prompt. 13)

prompt: "maybe i want to be hurt, have you ever thought of that?" for kim taehyung

requested by anonymous (heyyy angel <3, thank you so much for joining and for the patience, i really really appreciate it and i hope you enjoy this one, also so sorry for being late!)

drabble masterlist masterlist prompt list!

"i'm sorry, i'm leaving so soon," taehyung's voice laced with regret made you feel worse, he shoved his feet into his shoes with irritation and you knew you had to say something, "it's okay, next time?"

"is wooseok okay with it?"

and you don't say anything for a minute.

"yeah, he's chill."

taehyung didn't understand 'chill', he never understood how love between two people could be subdued, level-headed, or even 'chill' as you so nicely put it.

coming into your life again was a choice he made, even if someone else was in it.

but he wouldn't be 'chill' about your ex-boyfriend visitng you when you were alone, he trusted you but he wouldn't trust another man to not fall in love with you.

but he can't say all that, he has no right.

anymore.

he doesn't have a right anymore because he ruined the chance he had.

so, he sighs, his head dropping but when he looks back at you, he gives you a small smile, "of course, see you," he came forward to hug you and you didn't want him to go, you didn't want him to leave you in this apartment that made you feel so alone.

there was two things that made you feel alone in this place you called 'home'.

taehyung leaving was one of them because he was leaving yes, but he was leaving to attend one of the biggest award shows on the planet and you were here, in an apartment you shared with someone you loved.

which was the second thing that made you feel alone.

even living with someone you loved or tried to love, your boyfriend, made your heart empty in this place.

when taehyung leaves, he leaves you with the same questions you asked yourself everyday.

what if he was the one coming back home to you?

and not your boyfriend who was constantly somewhere else?

taehyung also leaves his warmth on your skin and his perfume in your apartment's air and you're okay with the scent overpowering your boyfriend's.

you're not sure if you ever even liked wooseok's scent in your air at all.

taehyung has always loved award shows.

the glamour.

the glitter.

the performances.

but today, his hands were itching to reach for his phone.

he wanted to ask you so many things, he wanted to know if you were looking at him when he looked so good, he wanted to know if through the screen, you could tell that he was thinking of you.

"not now," hoseok sang next to him with a playful smile when taehyung's hands inched towards his pocket, and jungkook snickered at his friend, "you could've atleast let it buzz."

but taehyung doesn't care.

he has questions to ask.

answers to know.

and so much more than what they could ever understand.

taehyung shoos their eyes and ears away from his phone screen and melts into his seat to start texting you.

but he's pleasantly surprised to see an earlier message from you.

y/n: have fun! can't wait to see you next time <3.

and his smile takes over his face.

taehyung: thank you !! are you watching?

he watches the three dots dance on the screen of his phone for several minutes.

y/n: of course i am, taehyung.

your reply should've already made his day but he only had more doubts.

did you always see him at shows?

did you look up red carpet photos of him?

have you come across any ugly ones?

did you ever buy a magazine because his face was on it?

did you ever burn a photo of him to erase him from your mind?

so many questions.

and he couldn't ask you.

taehyung: thank you for watching, i hope you like the performance.

three dots again.

he held his breath.

y/n: i always do.

and that did it for him.

liking you came so simply to taehyung, liking you was as easy as breathing, eating, living. to him, liking you was an everyday thing, a routine and not some odd habit he had to grow into.

he got used to it ages ago and it was a habit he never wanted to break.

even if someone else was in your life.

taehyung: you're making me nervous.

y/n: you look too good to be feeling that way ! just enjoy the night. i know i will, from my living room haha.

taehyung: gosh okay <3

you had him on the big screen in the apartment that you lived in with your boyfriend.

a win in his book.

and taehyung bites his fist to not jump up from his seat and do a dance for you to watch.

he turned to his friends, "she told me that i look too good," he informed them with the utmost pride and wiggling eyebrows, they rolled their eyes at him, "we get it, you still like her."

"no, i think that she might just like me back too," he sang, ignoring the groans from them, high on the cloud of hope and remnants of his past love.

"doesn't she have a boyfriend now?" taehyung tried to not let his expression grow too sour at his friend's words but alas, his face twisted in disgust.

he didn't reply.

"just...tread carefully, man. why is she flirting with you if she has someone?"

"she isn't happy with him and she isn't flirting with me, i think?." you always looked happier with taehyung and he didn't want to overthink the texting like a teenager.

"did she tell you that?"

and taehyung, yet again, had no answer.

that night, he performed with more confidence than anyone else could possibly have on that stage, because he knew your eyes were watching his every move and he did it for you, he did it all for you.

but when he went back to his room, he scrolled through his phone, like a teenager would and couldn't help but question where your loyalty lied.

"that lip bite was a bit much, in my opinion," as much as he loved seeing your face when you guys talked, he also loved your voice and nothing else through his phone.

"it was for you," he whined and you giggled in response, he relished in the silence that followed, the happy kind of silent.

"but seriously, you guys killed it, i don't know how you don't freeze up there," you sigh dreamily into the phone, playing his performance on your laptop on mute while he let out a small laugh, "i almost always freeze up, but then i think, i have six people on this stage who also want to freeze up, and it makes it a bit easier."

and he rambled on, about his team, his dream, his stage and you rambled on with him, about his team, his dream and stage, completely ignoring that this wasn't right.

but when taehyung says, "you know, i also didn't freeze up, 'cause i knew you were watching," you really couldn't give a fuck about anything else when he talked to you this way.

"really?" you can't help but ask.

over the years, you liked to think of yourself as one of the many eyes that watched him on stage, a passing cloud in a sky filled to the brim with clouds, a person in a crowd, an unknown, a stranger.

but today, you weren't just a watcher, nor just an admirer.

no, you were on his mind throughout the performance.

to think you could see his face the entire time and never figure this out, made you aware of little you truly knew about his or other's feelings.

"i'll do better next time, only if you promise to watch then too," his voice drops to a whisper and that feeling of being the flower getting picked in a full garden, crept on you addictively.

"y/n!" taehyung jumped at the sound of a man on the other hand, a question hung from his lips as you hummed back to the man, but the question died in his mouth when he realised it was wooseok.

"hey, i'm so sorry-" but he didn't want to hear.

"it's okay, go."

you linger for a few seconds, taehyung didn't cut the call as your anxious breaths filled the earlier calm, and he starts to hope that you tell your boyfriend to sleep to keep talking to him.

he keeps waiting.

you cut the call.

taehyung wasn't one for surprises, hell he's always been hesitant about putting an extra foot forward in any of his relationships, it was terrifying to look back after you put in the extra effort, waiting to see if they would follow or not.

but taehyung knew this.

he knew that whatever feelings he had for you were beyond him, beyond the confines of friendship he pretended was present and he was shivering to let the truth out of him.

so, he was back halfway across the world, in front of your door, with your favourite brownies in one hand and the other hand lingering to knock.

he should be feeling nervous, he should be scared.

but he wasn't.

he stood with the most confidence he's felt in his life, because for once, taehyung was so sure about his love that still had so much more to give.

"taehyung?" your voice, a bud of flower that grew and died and appreared again in his heart, came from behind him.

taehyung bites back a smile.

he was here.

you were here.

he will make this right.

he will make you forget about whoever you love now.

and he turns around with the swagger that only a popstar like him could have.

but taehyung's shoulders dropped, his feet stuttered just the tiniest bit at the sight in front of him.

he was here.

you were here.

and wooseok was also, here.

"oh hey, man," wooseok smiles as he approaches taehyung with a hand held out, coming to stand in front of you and taehyung stared at the hand with a mix of distaste and unfair anger.

"she's told me so much about you," taehyung hears wooseok talk, his hand already in wooseok's, out of the want to not look petty in front of you.

"you too," taehyung lies and you purse your lips, watching the world of your love collide before you.

you always talked about taehyung to wooseok.

but not always about wooseok to taehyung.

"taehyung, i wasn't expecting you..." your voice trails off in a question, and taehyung shrugs, "just wanted to meet you," he bends to look straight at you, ignoring the six foot man between you two.

normally, that statement would make you the happiest person in the world.

he had just finished a global performance so, him taking time out to see you was special in ways that only you two could understand.

"actually, we were just going to dinner," you didn't want to leave taehyung hanging but you had plans with wooseok, your actual boyfriend.

"oh! that's no issue, why don't you come along with us?" wooseok offers and you want to disagree because you know you're not that good of a liar, you're not even a half-good actress.

and you signal to taehyung to shake his head, leave, and come back when it was just you.

but taehyung grins.

"i'd love that."

only you notice the challenge in his voice.

at the restaurant, you sat beside wooseok with a stiff spine and tingly fingers.

on one hand, it was exhilirating to be so close to taehyung.

on another hand, you couldn't even look at wooseok without your guilt plummeting your heart to the ground.

sitting in front of taehyung with someone else beside you, made you realise how wrong it felt it be with anyone else but him.

you did like wooseok.

but you would never like anyone as much as you liked taehyung.

"meeting her was like fate, you know when it just feels right?" wooseok rambled, his words should've made you feel on top of the world but instead, you shifted uncomfortably on your seat.

taehyung twisted his fingers around the rim of his glass, rotating it and nodding with a sarcastic smile on his face, his eyes meeting yours with a confidence that only a man who loves, can have.

he does know.

he knows better than wooseok.

"anyway, gotta run to the washroom, y/n, order for me, yeah?" wooseok kissed you on the top of your head before leaving the table.

you didn't know what he liked, he didn't know what you liked but you nodded anyway.

taehyung watched the exchange with tight fingers around his glass.

when it was just the two of you, the gap in wooseok's seat was not missed, the gap felt like too much of a distance so, you changed your seat without thinking of wooseok or anything else.

and right next to taehyung, your spine relaxed.

when the waiter comes, you stutter to order wooseok's order, "m-maybe steak? yeah, he probably likes that," and taehyung orders too.

"he seems nice," taehyung unwillingly lets out as the waiter disappears and you nod without meeting his eyes, "i told you, he's chill."

"how is anyone chill about you?"

your eyes water.

no one else could see it, not wooseok who thought he was doing everything right, not your friends who thought wooseok was perfect for you, not you until today but taehyung did.

taehyung saw how ridiculous it was to love someone in a 'chill' way and now, he definitely knew that you weren't crazy about your boyfriend.

"he's good to me," you say instead of falling into his arms and taehyung frowns, "i know he is but is that all there is? you don't even know what he likes to eat."

"what are you trying to say, taehyung?"

"i'm not," he pauses, sighing, "i'm not trying to start something between you, i'm happy if you are, but you always knew what i liked to eat."

"no, i didn't."

but you did.

and he knew that too.

"yes, you did, i know you too," he didn't mean just the food but the conversation was pissing you off.

"at least he doesn't plan on walking out of my life when it's inconvinient for him."

there it was, the elephant in the room.

the truth that you danced around but never held hands with.

you don't look at taehyung but you know the face he's making, you know that the truth had more layers than him just leaving you, you know that the truth should've never come out of your mouth.

"i'm back," wooseok sang, eyebrows raising at the sudden closeness between you and taehyung, and the tension in the air.

you smiled at him, gritting your teeth behind that smile and wooseok smiles back.

taehyung watches, once again, and you feel his eyes burning into the side of your face.

he stays silent as you and wooseok continue talking, he stays silent when wooseok pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear, he stays silent when wooseok makes you laugh even if he knows that the laugh is strained.

then, taehyung gets up.

"thank you so much for inviting me, i need to go though, good night, and um take care the two of you," this time, you're silent as wooseok tries to convince taehyung to stay but it's only when taehyung walks away, that you realise you have so much to say.

so, you get up too.

wooseok grabs your wrist, in that gentle, careful way that you liked in the beginning.

when he looks at you, you know that he knows, that if you walk away now, you weren't coming back, at least not to him.

"come on, you know i am better," he says with the ego that you only knew he had.

you always saw signs in him, signs that maybe he wasn't as good as he always seemed, and his grip tightening on your wrist was your wake-up call.

he was only chill because he was with other people, he was chill because he was making the same mistakes you were, he was chill because he didn't want you to ask him questions.

"i don't actually, get your stuff out of my place, yeah?" you don't even look at him after saying that because you had somewhere else to be.

somewhere warmer.

somewhere with taehyung.

and racing out of the hotel, your heart matched the fast pace of your feet, every step felt so far and so close to taehyung.

when you see him, you almost cry out of relief.

when he sees you, he knows what you've left behind.

"what are you doing here?" he holds by your elbows, fingers running circles and eyes so glazed with concern at your fast breaths.

"taehyung," you breath out, your jaw stuttering at the sight of him, eyes filling with the tears that have been holding back for so long and he shakes his head, regretful and pained by the hurt he knew you were feeling.

"listen, i shouldn't have come back, i shouldn't have meddled with you business, i had no right to, i'm sorry, okay? this is my fault, just please...don't cry,"

but all you hear is, 'i should've never come back to your life.'

"are you seriously dumping me again?" you laugh bitterly, the sadness gone and buried, the anger from your past erupted before you could even see it coming.

"what? no," he immediately disagrees and opens his mouth to argue but you're looking away at the traffic, you're not even listening and he's lost you.

again.

"i love you, that's never changed," he starts again because while he let his first chance go, he wasn't going to do it a second time.

"but i couldn't bear the thought of my career hurting you, i didn't want people to make comments, i never wanted the ugly side to ever reach you, i didn't leave you because i wanted to," he should've said this years ago, but taehyung wasn't brave enough then.

"i wanted to tell my management to fuck off, i wanted everyone to fuck off but i couldn't. now, i can! i can tell them to fuck off but you..." his hand lifted towards the restaurant where wooseok still sat and he waves it away, head dropping to the ground.

watching him look so defeated in front of you made you feel sick to the stomach.

"maybe i want to be hurt, have you ever thought of that?" you seeth, angry that he made the choice for you then and even now, "did you ever think that maybe i wanted to stand with you and tell them all fuck off too? did you even let me choose that for myself? no, you decided to be some hero and leave me behind."

"you would've stayed?" taehyung always believed that anyone would leave, but he should've known you.

and the delicateness in his tone isn't amiss on you, your anger melts and you're now standing in front of a taehyung with the same tenderness in your flesh.

"taehyung, i would've stayed anywhere as long as you were there, you're the only one who sees me as me." you're stepping closer and his breathing comes easier.

"i didn't go a day without thinking of you," he confesses, in the confines of the space between you two which was reducing by the second.

"i never want you to stop thinking of me," you confess, you needed the obsession that came with love, the lingering eyes, the soft touches and you needed taehyung's love, taehyung's eyes, and taehyung's soft hands which were still on you.

"i can tell my management to fuck off tomorrow," taehyung smirks and you giggles, hands reaching towards him, "i'll come along."

taehyung knows that there's cameras around, he knows people are watching which is exactly why he bends down to gather you in his arms and kiss you for the world to see, proving to them just how not 'chill' he was when it comes to you.

and the next day, everyone else had to fuck off.

#bts #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenarios #namfinessed #bts smut #taehyung fic #taehyung fluff #taehyung imagines #taehyung x reader #taehyung angst #taehyung fanfic #kim taheyung #taehyung smut #taehyung icons #bts drabble

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namfinessed · 3 months ago

Note

Hi i wanna request no. 2 from the prompt game.

"i've wished for you, long before i ever existed, your soul belonged to mine and mine to yours." JK x Reader soulmates

The story revolved around jk finally finding his soulmate but she's married (it is a love marriage, reader and her husband married coz they thought they're one of the glitches who don't have soulmates). Make it angsty pls you can choose how they end

Thank u and i hope u write my request! Have a great day!

prompt: "i've wished for you, long before i ever existed, your soul belonged to mine and mine to yours." for jeon jungkook. (4.1k wc)

requested by anonymous (heyyy sweetie <3, thank you so much for participating, i really really appreciate it and i hope you enjoy this one! also apologies, i got a bit carried away hehe)

drabble masterlist masterlist prompt list!

hearts glowed when soulmates met soulmates.

literally.

when a soulmate matched with a soulmate, their hearts lit up, a signal that they've found the one, something so obvious that even the most stubborn people would have to believe.

yours glowed once, a long time ago.

but not anymore.

your toes dug into the warm sand and wriggled, letting the harsh grains massage them and your eyes were bright with hope, despite the weariness that tugged your chest.

it's been twenty years.

you would finally meet.

you tried to ignore your husband, rob, who a few feet away, was setting up a picnic for you, the one who your heart never glowed for but settled for.

you had never told him why you had insisted on coming to a beach-front resort, especially this run-down, barely functioning resort.

"all done," you felt arms wrap around you and you forced a smile on your face, "thank you baby," you kissed his bicep, but your lips wanted to wipe him off, his scent, his touch, his everything, you wanted it off you.

he smiled at you before stepping away to answer a phone call.

you were a horrible person.

no one else in this world would return to a past love in a town they swore to leave behind, especially with the husband they’ve built a life with.

you don't even know if jungkook would still come back, if he had matched with a soulmate or not, if he still remembered but here you were, shamelessly searching for him with your perfect husband right beside you.

but you couldn't forget the warmth that you felt from your heart lighting up.

the waves crashed and growled, the sun was blaring, the beach was warm and humid and your hair was sticking to the back of your neck, you could barely open your eyes and you were probably so close to finding your soulmate again.

"come here, babe!" rob called out to you, and you reluctantly walked over to him, settling yourself on the blanket and eating the fruit you had packed.

and you talked with the supposed love of your life, you talked for a long time, that was the only reason you had married someone other than jungkook, your husband was the second best option.

he was a fail-safe, a safety net you fell back on when you were young.

you were running out of time, every one of your friends had found thier match but you and your husband were the anomalies, the only ones without a particular match and you were in love, so you found yourself married in vegas weeks after meeting him.

but then, you found a photograph that changed your life.

your true soulmate smiled in the photo, a kid, next to you, also a kid, with a message calling to you and that's when you knew, you had to find jungkook before you lost your chance.

and the photo burned in your pocket as your husband poured you wine but you smiled and sipped away.

"aren't we lucky to find each other?" he asked, drunk and in love.

you nodded with a tight smile, "we really are," completely sober, heart empty and dark.

only a couple days now.

you would find your soulmate, you had to.

you woke up before the sun way up the next morning, getting ready as soon as you could to run out of the room before your husband could even stir in his slumber.

and you found yourself on the beach again, the sky's only light were streaks running through it and the sun was all but peeking through the clouds.

you knew this was going to be easy, finding jungkook, your actual soulmate after so many years, but you had to try, and if you didn't, well...you had a man sleeping in your bedroom already.

you also got some tools to entertain you during this quest.

a fishing rod, of all things, seemed the most logical and you took it out of its bag with pride, you had haggled for the lowest price possible for this little one.

"let's go," you sang to yourself, preparing the bait and sat on the rough sand, looking up videos on how to fish.

and paused.

fuck.

you didn't have a boat, this had to be some kind of sick joke, you stared down at the shiny rod in your hands with disdain.

but.

you were here searching for someone you met forever ago, you couldn't possibly get more ridiculous than that.

so, you threw the rod, from the shore into the shallow waters and happily hummed, ignoring how you might look to others.

jungkook wasn't a man to believe in miracles.

hell, he's never left anything to fate, he's always chased after it, hunted it down and this was no different.

it's been twenty years.

"what the hell?" he whispered to himself, squinting his eyes at the sea which was too far away from him, in utter disbelief of the shit he was seeing.

then, he shook his head.

if finding you meant staring at some crazy woman fishing at the shoreline at the crack of dawn, he would bear it.

but he would find you.

you would remember, right?

you wouldn't forget him, you never could, you would hold him close to his heartbeat, the way he did.

right?

jungkook turned back around to his room with a hand on his chest and a ache developing at his temple, telling his heart to wait, telling his heart it would glow again.

he misses the flicker of light blinking in his chest and so do you at the shore.

only a couple days now.

"so, fishing clearly went well," your husband mused at the hoard of wet covers that you took a picture of, and you pouted, "i really tried," he let out a loud laugh before leaning in to kiss your temple.

"it's okay baby, we'll rent a boat next time, then you can properly try, yeah?" though there was no glow, you still felt yourself getting warm at his words, "besides, what were you doing up so early? we could've gone together, i could've taught you," he bumped your shoulder with his but you grew rigid.

you had to tell him, right?

at some point, you had to, he deserved better than a lying and emotionally cheating wife.

and no other time seemed better than right now, when you weren't too far gone, when you could still be honest and when he could still leave you.

"babe, can you sit down for a second?"

"but breakfast time is going to be over soon," he frowned and you held back a smile, of course, while you were in the middle of a life-changing event, he was thinking about breakfast, he still was the man you loved.

"this is important," you watched the second that the thought of breakfast flew from his head, throwing everything away because you had something important to say.

he took your hand in his, and your vision grew blurry.

the words were stuck in your throat.

"is everything okay, baby?"

you couldn't say it, you couldn't bring yourself to voice it out so, you did the next best thing, you shoved the picture from your past into his hands.

and one of his hands stayed on you, the other traced the picture, you felt your stomach bottom out as his eyes reached your baby face, "this is you."

"yes, it is."

"it's that beach out there?" rob looked up at you and you nodded.

you didn't have to say anything else.

the next thing he caught was the faint light shining through your swimming suit...and the boy next to you, with the same light shining from inside his chest.

"you're not an anomaly."

you're not like me.

you swallowed, trying to keep yourself from crying, "i am not," and you watched again, as the realisation dawned on him.

you had a soulmate.

you didn't need to settle for an anomaly.

for him.

his hand on you loosened.

and you felt the world slip under your feet.

but.

his hand tightened again.

"how the fuck are you going to find her? you don't even know what she looks like right now," jungkook didn't answer his friend, who was sitting across from him with a scowl on his face.

jimin meant well. he knew he did.

he knew how crazy he might've seemed too, but he couldn't put sanity above his destiny, he didn't mind looking crazy if it meant finding you.

and jimin saw that, clear as day, on his friend's face, that he wasn't going to give up.

jimin sighed, "fine, i'll help," and jungkook looks up at him with widened eyes, jimin had been against this since the day jungkook told him about his adventure.

"but, only for five days, then we're out of here," jimin declared, going back to eating his breakfast and just as jungkook opened his mouth to protest, "if she really is your soulmate, you'll find her by then."

and jungkook couldn't argue, he knew there was no changing jimin's mind so, he settles to people watch.

a kid who ran around with his parents on his tail.

an old woman picking bread up from the station.

a tense couple.

he turns back to jimin, "i'm going to find her, you can leave but i'm not giving up, and that's final."

it was a new day, you spent all of yesterday consoling your husband and balming his emotional wounds even dragging him to breakfast before it closed so he could at least be fed and upset, but he took it better than you thought.

"what color was his hair again?" rob glanced around the beach and you snickered, "you don't have to help me, babe," and he shakes his head, "i want to help."

you pause from setting up your sand castle making tools, you didn't deserve this kindness, this grace, this person.

you were an emotional mess these days, tearing up at the drop of a hat was your new hobby but so much of your life could change and you weren't sure if that change was going to be good, you just knew that it was necessary.

"i don't deserve you," you whisper but he catches it, he leans down, taking some tools from your hands and spreading them around, "i love you, you don't have to deserve me for that, you just have to exist."

your fingers dug into the sand until the grains caused abrasions but outwardly, you smiled, kissed his cheek and whispered 'i loved you too.'

he hears the past tense, but he smiles and nods.

these glimpses of who you loved, were more stressful than finding jungkook, because what if you find jungkook and he's not just what you've made up in your head?

what if he's not the sweet boy he was?

what if he never tells you that he loves you?

what if you're giving up on a wonderful person for someone who maybe doesn't even remember you?

what if the whole soulmate system was bullshit?

but until you met jungkook, you had to give the whole situation the benefit of doubt.

"now, let's make some unbreakable sand castles!" you cheer, getting on your knees and patting the wet sand and your husband shakes his head, "this is all you, b- y/n, i'm going to go over there and read my book, you have fun," he ruffles your hair before leaving to relax on a lounge chair.

him holding back on calling you baby, stung you, even if it shouldn't.

you would probably never hear him call you baby again, you would probably never wake up next to him again, you would never know which book he's reading, which food he's eating, who he loves, who he doesn't, nothing, you would know nothing.

you took quick glances at your husband and the beach from time to time, while you tried to make a sand castle, he became a stranger to you the more you kept looking at him and every other man on the beach looked like jungkook.

you did that until the sky turned dark, your skin grew wrinkly and your husband finished his book, and he had to gently lift your defeated body from the sand and take you away.

you wept and apologized the entire night into his shoulder, for not finding jungkook, for being so cruel to your husband, for being so selfish and him being him, he consoled you and hugged you to sleep.

he whispered some reassurance when your tired eyes gave up on crying.

"you're not an anomaly, if you have a soulmate, you should find him and until you do, i'll be there and if you don't..i'll still be there."

surfing was next on your list, and just like everything else, you weren't too good at it, and after several trials (and drownings), you sat at the shore with the board at your feet.

"don't beat yourself up, the waves are harsh these days," you heard someone say and when you looked up, your heart beat so fast that maybe, just maybe, the universe somehow guided jungkook right to you.

you took your time to look at their face, their entire face was engulfed by the sunlight so, you put your hand above your head and squinted.

it was a cute guy but he wasn't jungkook.

he didn't have sparkly eyes, he had very beautiful eyes but not the eyes of your soulmate.

damn it.

"thank you," you gave him a small smile, disappointment filling your chest and he nodded, "my name's jimin, i could teach you the basics if you'd like."

then, his phone rang, he politely excused himself to take the call and you heard bits and pieces.

"did you find anything? nothing?...here at the beach...no, no one here...i doubt the resort's bingo game will be the place...well, you go."

and you considered his offer for a moment as he approached you again, you smiled at him before saying, "thank you for the offer jimin, my name's y/n, but i think i'll head back to my husband now."

"no worries, have a good day!" he smiled back and walked away, and you were left by yourself, sopping wet and upset, once again.

you clutch your hand to your heart, it was no longer patient, it was tired, exhausted and in so much pain from being so cold for so long.

you go back to rob that night, he holds you like he always does, he loves you like he always does and you slowly accept that his love was the rest of your life, he was the rest of your life.

and maybe, not today or tomorrow, but maybe someday, you will grow to love him again and forget all about the kid your heart glowed for.

"i swear i thought it was her but then she said husband so, guess not," jimin ranted his ear off next to jungkook, who looked through the resort's records with an intensity that made his eyes burn.

jungkook could care less about his friend right now.

he had just lied his head off to get access to the registry of people who checked in and he searched fervently for your name.

maria.

steve.

lacey.

wooshik.

carrie.

rob.

yeri.

but your name wasn't there.

he sighed, closing the book and squinting his eyes shut.

it's been days.

he wants to find you, hug you, light up your heart but every day, jungkook feels himself getting further away from that possibility.

"hey man, it's okay, we'll find her," jimin squeezed his shoulder and jungkook gave him a half-smile, "how can anything be okay right now?"

and jimin puts his hand down, feeling the weight of jungkook's words.

if jungkook didn't find you, he might never have a soulmate, he might never get the chance to love you, cherish you, hold you and he would spend his entire life alone.

jimin gently guided jungkook to the closest restaurant, urging him to feed himself and he stuffs his face, letting himself feel whole somehow.

it's only when jimin drags his plate away that jungkook breaks down in his chair, his hair hovering over his eyes, his tears flooding his cheeks and his loud sobs make jimin go over to his side and hug him.

he felt ridiculous, crying with crab sauce all over his chin but he couldn't stop, he couldn't stop pitying himself for the long and lonely road he might have ahead.

that night, just as they start drifting off to sleep, jungkook makes a decision.

"let's go back tomorrow."

jimin doesn't know what to say, "are you...sure? you're so close."

"i might be close or the furthest away i've ever been."

then, jimin nods, "whatever you want, dude. i'm here."

and when jimin's snores invade the sound around him, jungkook sinks into himself, accepting his solitary lifestyle, accepting that his heart will never glow again.

he dreams of you.

in flickers, like flashes of light, in happiness and pain, an unknown face is all over his dreams but he knows it's you.

rob stood a couple feet away, watching you balance yourself on the surf board, by balancing, laying flat on your stomach and floating.

he still felt the need to supervise.

"careful!" he yelled after you as you somehow managed to be unsteady even on your stomach and you wave him off.

he knew how tough the last couple of days were for you, you cried yourself to sleep every day and he knew that he could've been not-so-okay with his situation, but rob also knew that he could never stand in the way of you finding your heart.

it took him time but he knew he had to reunite you with your soulmate and move on with his life, find someone else to love and let you be a pretty memory in his mind.

so, he watched the beach closely for any young man with black hair which, as it turns out...were a lot of men.

then, he heard your scream and his head snapped back to you, flopping your hands as your head went underwater.

it didn't take rob a second to run to you, his heart pounding with every step of his that dug into the sand.

"y/n! y/n!" he yelled, his stomach tightening with enough pressure to snap, and when he finally sees and grabs your hand, he feels himself calm down and when you hang onto him as he pulls you out of the water, he wonder how he'll ever let you go.

he bent down in front of you, "are you okay?" he brushed some drenched hair pieces out of your face and you nodded meekly, rubbing your cheeks, "thank you," you whisper and he sits on his feets, watching you process the situation.

"you saved me," you whisper again, voice breaking and rob doesn't know what to say, he can't tell you he loves you anymore and that it's his duty, he doesn't want that burden on you, "i always will." is what he settles for instead.

you look broken, the days finally showed on your face and he feels your pain for you.

"wait," your eyes fly open, checking your pockets franctically and he bends forward, "what are we looking for?"

"the photograph!" you screech, getting up and running towards the shore, he runs behind you, holding you as you search and when he sees it, stuck to the sand, he simply turns your body towards it and you fall on your knees next to it.

you clutch it to your heart and rob feels the sting of his lightless heart again.

if only he was the one who could glow for you.

but then, you get up, "we should go," and he nods, grabbing the room keys, you shake your head, "we should leave."

he stops in his tracks.

he could have you again.

he could forget this whole thing, live his life with you and not alone, he never felt like an anomaly when he had you.

"are you sure? you're so close." he says, as a courtesy, more than anything.

"or so far, maybe he never came and i'm the stupid one, either way, i want to go," you hand over the photograph to him and though you say it with so much conviction, he sees your hesitance.

"i'm sorry," and he knows what you're sorry for.

if he left now, he would always have only half your heart and half your soul.

"don't be, i told you ill be here," he kissed your cheek.

he would be okay with it.

he wordlessly starts walking away, knowing you were walking with him and tries to reason to himself that this was for the best and he knows you're doing the same.

you were right behind him but you felt like you were on another planet, holding him through some stars that would die soon.

he swallowed the feeling.

then, your foot mangled with your other foot, sending you down to the ground again and before rob turns and lifts you up, another man is bent next to you, helping you to your feet.

he almost rushes over to you but then, the light from your chest starts building, so faintly that he wouldn't have noticed unless he squinted and he looks at the man, his chest was flickering too.

and he stays frozen in time as he watches you two not even notice it, both of you with your minds and eyes far away from each other.

he hears your thank you to the man without meeting his eyes, he sees you look at him and not your soulmate, he can probably get away with it.

but he would only have half of you, you would only be half of you.

so, he walks to over to the both of you, places the photograph in your hands, presses a kiss to your temple and walks away.

maybe he was always meant to only have half of you, he would come to terms with it and until then, he would miss you but for now, he will let you go.

your mouth drops open at the photograph and your eyes franctically look at the man beside you, who looks back at you with the round sparkly eyes that you fell in love with.

your soulmate.

your light.

your fate.

"jungkook," you breathed out, and the light from your heart falls on his face, getting brighter by the second and his light falls on you, but you didn't squint, you didn't look away.

he turns the photograph, his childish handwriting stared back at him, his favorite quote from his favorite movie, that he dedicated to you when you were just kids.

"i've wished for you, long before i ever existed, your soul belonged to mine and mine to yours."

you had told him he was dramatic then, but you smiled and blushed at it, you told him to come back to you 20 years later, right here, right where you found each other. it was a joke then but when he became an adult, he knew he was going to make it his reality.

and you were right under his nose, all this time.

he cups your cheek and you melt into his hand, "gotchu," he whispers, laughing soundlessly, blissfully and you're laughing with him, eyes teary and chin shaking.

your hearts burned brighter than the sun.

"i was right!" jimin cheered from somewhere, dropping his and jungkook's bags into the wet sand.

the next day, you were back on the beach, rob had left the night before with a proper goodbye and lots of tears. you sat down and told jungkook everything, letting him know he could leave if he felt uncomfortable with someone else loving you while he was gone.

the choice was all up to him.

the sun came strong on your eyes and face and you covered your face, squinting and jungkook lifted an umbrella to shield you from the harsh light as you got back to learning how to fish.

"i love you," he chimes from beside you after you pull out a few plastic bags and you hide your face away from him, "i will love you too." and he nods happily, "can't wait," and you laugh out loud.

he finally pieced together that you were the crazy woman he had been seeing everywhere and nowhere.

and he couldn't call it anything else but a miracle, a destiny, a fate, his soulmate right around him and now, with him.

he stayed glued to your side, when you left the resort, when you got back to your town, when you cooked, when you cleaned, when you cried, when you laughed, your soulmate stayed right beside you, heart gleaming and full.

and your heart stayed alight, a weight of the light fulfilling every wish you asked from the universe.

hearts glowed when soulmates met soulmates.

and you had finally found yours.

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namfinessed · 4 months ago

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drabble game (dialogue prompt. 9)

prompt - "i just want you." for kim namjoon (1.4k wc)

requested by @travelgurrl

drabble masterlist masterlist prompt list!

namjoon was a decorated writer, producer, celebrity, in every way, his life was as set as it could be but namjoon couldn't love, he couldn't love properly, he couldn't love the way the movies make it seem so easy, he loves but he loves in his way.

he feels the burn of your stare, his earphones press his head in, his laptop screen flashes on his face but namjoon types away, works away, and refuses to look at the tears in your eyes.

"so, you're okay with this?" he ignores the tug in his chest, he nods at the bags you've lined up near the door, this is for the better, this is for the best.

"you should go," he whispers and you let out a shaky sigh, "are you going to let everyone in your life go?"

"no, but i'm letting you go," he doesn't turn to you, namjoon doesn't dare to look at you because if he does, he would be begging on his knees for you to never leave.

so, he only watches from his periphery when you purse your lips, he only watches when you kiss his temple, when you whisper goodbye, and namjoon gets up from his seat when you're gone.

this was it.

the end.

the beginning.

the- whatever the fuck it was.

he's done the right thing.

you deserve a gentle love, you deserve a love that feels like a hug, not like a choke, and he knows that even if he tries, he can never be that.

he was going to let you go and he was going to respect you walking away.

"hello?" namjoon answers his loud phone mindlessly, "um- so, this is awkward but i left my sunglasses in the guest room, can you bring it up to my hotel later tonight?"

namjoon almost laughs at himself, he was preparing himself for a lifetime without your voice and face but he would be seeing you in a couple hours.

"of course."

and the call ends, namjoon's heart grows giddy.

he's let you go but he's always going to want to see your face.

when the time nears, namjoon walks into his guest room, it was a modest room, nothing too special, nothing too big but comfortable.

he sighs when the pillows you've forced him to buy over the years, decorate the bed, he also sighs at the wallpaper you chose and oh, there it is, the lamp you chose.

he guesses that the room was maybe a bit more special than he'd believed, the only evidence left in his life that you were present in it.

he will change everything later.

and as he digs through the closet, he finds your lipstick at the corner, he grabs it too, then your moisturiser, he rolls his eyes as he collects each and everything you've left behind.

each item fills him with grief, he grips them tighter than he should, he's not ashamed to admit that he sniffed a hoodie you stuffed in there.

namjoon isn't a loser, he is just a pathetic mess sometimes, he can't help it, even the genius of the music industry had his moments.

but he reminded himself, you would always want more than what he could give and he would always hate himself for it so, he soldiers on, he takes everything into covers, texts you for your hotel and gets into a cab without letting another thought enter his mind.

walking up to your hotel room felt daunting, a task he couldn't finish and simply come back from, a moment that would bury him further into the hatred he held for himself.

he debates in front of your room.

he could leave.

tell you that he would deliver it through some service.

he could never see you again.

make this easier for him.

but his feet weren't on the same page, they stayed glued onto the carpet which suddenly felt like hot stones and he shakes his head.

this was for you.

and he would do anything for you, even hate and throw himself away.

so, he rings the bell, there was no going back.

and you open, as if you were waiting by the door, he sucks in a breath and forces a smile onto his face.

you only stare back at him and his feet shift, "got your glasses," he waves the box in his hand, "and a bunch of other things," he laughs awkwardly, lifting the other packet in his hands and you pull the door open with no words.

namjoon clears his throat and his fingers itch on the side of his body but he can't touch you, he can't satiate the itch, he can't ignore it so he walks into the room, leaving his mind out of it.

"nice room," he says, then curses himself for being so weird, you nod at him and he places your belongings on top of your bed.

you walk over to the packets and start looking through them, namjoon looks away when your chin starts shaking.

"why?"

he looks at you, eyebrows pinching, "hm?"

"why are you doing this to me?" you turn around with bloodshot eyes and namjoon looks away once again from the misery swimming in them.

"fucking look at me, namjoon!" he shakes his head, staring instead at the fading wallpaper of the room and he's yanked forward by your hands on the collar of his shirt.

he still looks down, his body burns where you touch him but he doesn't let his eyes meet yours.

namjoon thinks he knows what comes next.

a slap.

a curse.

a pain he might never recover from.

so, he waits for his world to crumble again, to crash again, he waits for the trainwreck balancing his life.

but you drop your arms, only to wrap them around his torso, pressing yourself against his body in a desperate way and namjoon is stunned to silence.

and your tears fall, he feels them on his t-shirt, then on his skin and he blinks back his own watery eyes.

"why are you doing this, namjoon?" he doesn't say a word.

"do you hate me that much?"

the question gives him whiplash.

"what?"

"you have to hate me if you let me go this way," and he chokes.

"i could never hate you, y/n, you know that, please don't-"

"then, why are you doing this?" you whisper and your voice is so fragile, so delicate, so much like breaking glass and he sighs.

"please tell me and then let me go, i deserve to know, namjoon, you know that too."

he bites his lip and wraps his hanging arms over your body, his spine shivers when he finally lets himself hold you.

"i can't be everything you deserve," namjoon sighs out, his voice already breaking, and his heart tears open from his chest to tell you, "i'll always fall short, i'll always hold you back from what you deserve, y-you deserve a love that isn't so hard, a love that doesn't require so many sacrfices, i can never give you what you deserve."

your arms weaken around him and he accepts his reality.

you would finally see what he's been seeing since he's fallen for you.

"i don't want an easy love." you stare straight at him and he shakes his head, "you're only saying that now-"

"let me finish," and namjoon shuts up.

"i don't want an easy love, i don't want a love that doesn't need sacrifice," you suck in a breath, "i just want you,"' namjoon's feet sway, "i just want you and whatever love comes with you."

namjoon wants to believe it.

he wants to believe that someone could love him like that.

but.

"you don't mean that," he shakes his head again and you cup your palm onto his mouth, "you're not a mind reader, namjoon, you don't know everything, do you love me?" your eyes shine with unshed tears and he points at the hand covering his face.

you sheepishly remove it, "i do."

"i do too, do you want me in your life?"

"i'll always do." his stomach bottoms as the reality of a life without you flashes in his eyes.

he doesn't like that life.

"great, now help me pack this stuff, we have to go back home," you wipe your tears away and namjoon stays stuck on the carpet which was soft now, which was a cloud now.

at the other end of the hotel room, namjoon's hand falls on yours as you lock it and you look at him.

he looks back.

"i love you, i really do."

and his eyes on yours melts you, "me too, let's go home."

maybe namjoon would take time to fully accept your love, but for tonight, for now, he will let himself be loved.

54 notes · View notes

namfinessed · 4 months ago

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namfinessed's drabble game masterlist!

regular masterlist prompt list!

"i just want you" - k.nj (9) requested by @travelguurl

"maybe i want to be hurt, have you ever thought of that?" - k.th. requested by anonymous

"you won't love me if you know me" - k.nj. requested by @moonjinniecafe (comingsoon!)

"only tonight, it's all we have" - j.jk. requested by @moonjinniecafe

"i'll call you back, please trust me" - j.hs. requested by @moonjinniecafe (comingsoon!)

"i've wished for you, long before i ever existed, your soul belonged to mine and mine to yours" - j.jk. requested by anonymous

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namfinessed · 4 months ago

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drabble game!

it's 2025! the year where our boys finally reunite and i cannot be more excited for it, to celebrate our reunion, i'm going to put a few fun (sad and happy and everything inbetween) dialogue prompts that you guys can request me to write a short fic for. it can be any member you want and any details you want to add, you can gladly mention it, my inbox is open for all of you and i'm so looking forward to writing for you <3

"for you, for the small hope that this exact minute would've happened."

"i've wished for you, long before i ever existed, your soul belonged to mine and mine to yours."

"only tonight, it's all we have."

"i have to return this and get another."

"if i look at you, i'll think of us in the beginning and forget everything after."

"nothing's working...we aren't working out."

"the movie's started, can you stop kissing me?"

"and both of us knew that this second, this minute, would never leave our lips again, it couldn't."

"i just want you."

"i'll call you back, please trust me."

"don't you get sick of this?"

"you won't love me if you know me."

"maybe i want to be hurt, have you ever thought of that."

"if the world burns away, please burn away with me."

"do you kiss all your friends?"

note: you can send the number of the prompt along with the member you want it for! please know that if i've already written the prompt before, i might not write it again and again, and please be patient, this work is my top priority right now and i would love to do it the best i can, love you all <3

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namfinessed · 4 months ago

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thank you so much for reading ex-things ! i appreciate the love so so much <3

Fic recs Yoongi

Some fics I read this week, and I need to make people read them too lol I'll probably do it with the other members too.

Interlude | MYG | Series Masterlist @yoongiofmine (Idol!Yoongi X Deaf!Reader)

Summary: All Yoongi wanted was to use the last few months before enlisting to work on his solo projects, prepare for his tour. When the silence left around him as his members started to go one by one got too loud, he needed to find something else to fill in the void. But Yoongi would never have guessed that it would come in the form of you… Someone he would never expect to fall in love with.

– This is simply the most beautiful Yoongi series I've ever read.

——

The Consequences of Fucking Up @borathae

“Your break up was messy and painful. All you want to do is to forget about him. His friends, who ever since you ended it with Yoongi see you as their bullying target, make sure that the memory of him stays fresh in your mind however, haunting you day by fucking day. While Yoongi makes it seem as if he gives no fuck about your situation. Until one night he is in front of your door. Drunk and fucking regretful.”

– You won't regret reading it, trust me.

——

his entire world | min yoongi x f!reader | a serendipitous life series @serendipitous-seven

summary: you and yoongi are trying to enjoy your friends' wedding with a very fussy baby

– THIS WAS ONE OF THE SOFTEST THINGS I'VE EVER READ 😭💞

——

F*ck Tradition | Yoongi @dancinglikebutterflywings ( Min Yoongi x Fiancee!Reader)

- Synopsis: Y/N takes Yoongi with her to go wedding dress shopping because her fiancées opinion is the only one that matters.

– I feel like this story and this writer deserves much more recognition, MY GOD IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

—

you're okay | myg (m) @taegularities

Summary: Let it hurt and burn. Let it out; and then let it fade away. Let it heal. Yoongi can't lift all your burdens, but he has taught you at least this much over the years.

– This here comforted my heart in a way 😭😭💞💞

—

ex-things - m.yg. @namfinessed

summary: over the years, everything you've owned has belonged to yoongi and everything yoongi's owned has belonged to you but when you break up, everything is your's and everything is his but none of it belongs to the two of you anymore and both of you can't stand it.

– That was adorable and made me smile like a fool.

—

impression | yg @namjoonchronicles

↳ summary many forgot that when you marry someone, you marry their family too, at least that’s how Asian family is like

– This is so cute, I love the husband!Yoongi

—

The Final - Day 02 | MYG | ONESHOT @yoongiofmine

Summary: You've been Yoongi's go-to companion for the past few years, well aware that's all you were going to be. Despite your very real, growing feelings for the rapper, you took what you could get every time. Now, you're backstage at day two of the final leg of his tour when another member takes an interest in you. Will it be enough to make Yoongi realize he's got competition?

– it made me wild and crazy

—

dissertation | yg @namjoonchronicles

↳ summary many people doubted your union, how exactly an artist with as much influence as yoongi be a husband to a wife that is still studying.

– Yoon being the person we all need, This writer is wonderful, please give him a chance. (I'm telling you this writer is amazing)

—

Shy - Yoongi X Reader @7ndipity

Summary: You’re desperately craving your boyfriend's attention, but are too shy to ask for it outright. Luckily, Yoongi knows what you want anyway.

– This is something cute and warm.

—

YES, I WILL DO MORE BECAUSE WE HAVE MANY TALENTED WRITERS.

#yoongi x you #yoongi scenarios #yoongi x reader #yoongi #bts x fem!reader #bts x reader #suga x reader #min yoongi #fanfic #fic rec #namfinessed

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namfinessed · 6 months ago

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drinks or coffee - j.jk.

genre: fluff, angst (toxicrelationship!) (6.5k)

summary: when jungkook loves, he loves with no limit, with no holding back and when he leaves...he disappears, he's a ghost you knew a lifetime ago. seeing jungkook after he broke your heart shouldn't have made you so happy but every heartache, every tear, every claw at your chest, fades and disappears when he finds you in the corner of a party and whisks you away for another wild and free phase in your life. (inspired by the song 'drinks or coffee' on rosie).

note: the relationship is abrupt, with a lot of ups and downs which is how toxic relationships are, there may be love and a absence of everything else that matters (security, etc.), please know my characters are completely made up and have nothing to do with our real life jungkook. enjoy <3

masterlist masterpost

parties were boring.

a room full of people you don’t like, having to squeeze between them and their conversations, ignore the spilled drinks on the floor, and trying to keep a pleasant face through all of it, was the hardest thing you’ve had to do in a while.

if you weren’t obligated to be here, you wouldn’t be.

but it was starting to look like a good decision after all.

because there is jungkook in the other corner of the room and he’s smiling at you, you were probably smiling back but your heart squeezed in your chest at the sight of his full face, heading straight towards you.

you head towards him too.

it isn’t by conscious will, it isn’t by choice, but it is by instinct.

you see jungkook, you gravitate towards jungkook, you lean on jungkook, you like jungkook, but you never knew then and you don’t know now if he felt the same pull too.

you like to tell yourself that he does, he has to, and just as he comes to stand before you, he reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone, you frown when your phone rings in your pocket.

‘FRIEND…calling.’

…you used to be quite petty, you blushed at the name you gave him when things didn’t end so well for you two.

“i know it’s been long,” you suck in a breath, the freshness of his voice hitting you the same way it did when you first met him years ago, “but i’m happy that you’re here tonight,” he whispers into the phone and it reaches you, from both a few feet in front of you and in the form of his breathless voice into your ears.

the ridiculousness of the situation isn’t beyond you, he’s standing here, talking into his phone, you’re on the other end and also, just right next to him but jungkook was always this, just full of ways that unexpectedly made you happy.

the call ends, phones slide back into pockets and now, it’s just reality, now, it’s just jungkook’s eyes dancing on your face and his shoes touching your heels, and you wonder if he still remembers how he felt when he first met you, because you do, you still feel the same.

his rounded cheeks.

his dimple that was shy sometimes.

his lip piercing, which he swears makes him look sharper.

his eyes, a galaxy of stars that contradicted his hard-earned body.

you were gob-smacked then.

you are gob-smacked now.

nothing’s changed.

“i’m happy that you’re here too,” you are, you are so happy that you have to force your feet to stay on the ground and pride flashes on jungkook’s face, he nods, taking in the warm feeling that you felt just minutes ago.

his cheeks take on a light pink and his lip piercing can only help him so much; he starts to look like a glowing moon (with blushing cheeks!).

next thing you know, you’re sat next to him near the fireplace, no one seems to mind you both on the floor and you two couldn’t care less about the people around you.

“i opened a gym with one of my friends, it’s doing well, you should come by sometime,” he took a sip out of his cup, you didn’t know what it had, you didn’t ask, “and what, watch you work out?”

jungkook laughs, eyes cinching close and you feel that bubble of pride again, “sure, or you could just work out, like a normal person would,” he pressed his finger to your forehead, tipping you backward and you rolled your eyes, “where’s the fun in that?”

jungkook shook his head at you with his eyes still closed, and when he opened them, there was a dance of amusement, reviving affection and warmth clouding in his pupils and you sucked in a breath.

you stared at jungkook with your knees bent in front of you, hands folded on top of them and your face leaning as close as it could to him without actually touching him and he’s sat, one hand on the floor, one hand dangerously close to your ankles.

jungkook has always let you just stare at him, he allowed you minutes and hours of looking at him without asking questions, without finding it weird, without cringing or getting annoyed, he appreciated your focus on him and you took full advantage of that always.

the fire burned bright on one side of his face and the other side was completely swallowed by the darkness in the room and you wonder how you look to him, if the light played tricks on your face too, if you too looked half-beautiful and half of something he was yet to figure out.

“should we go somewhere?” you look around the party, you wouldn’t be missing much, you have shown yourself to the host, talked to a few people and there was nothing left to do so, you eye jungkook’s waiting hand knowing that once you take it, you would be repeating history.

you put your hand in his, maybe it would be different this time, maybe this time, he’ll fall in love too.

in the club, jungkook immediately challenged you to take several shots with him, and soon, it was a competition and neither of you was backing out, neither of you let your eyes stray away from the other and with each stare you caught from him, you earned a full head-to-toe scan that made your palms tingle.

just as your ninth shot burned down your throat, a familiar, too familiar beat floated in the air around you.

the way by kehlani and chance the rapper.

“jungkook, it’s our song!” you practically glowed from the recognition, only to hesitate at the ‘our’ part because it’s been a long time since you’ve shared anything with him and you wait for him to hesitate too, you wait for him to break the bubble you’re in but he screams with you, pulls you away from the crowd and helps you climb onto a table.

you immediately sway with the music, screaming the lyrics into the air and laughing at jungkook’s silly dance moves till your lungs burn, and with every flip of your hair, every move of your hips, and every animated expression on your face, jungkook stared, jungkook cheered and jungkook stayed.

you allowed him the staring too.

there was nothing better in the world than feeling his eyes on you, tracking your every move as if he could mimic them in his sleep, there was nothing better than knowing he would stay, at least for tonight.

as the song ended, jungkook let you drop into his arms where he spun you around and you curled around him, high-pitched laughter still ringing from your throat, his own head was thrown back in joy and he carried you bridal-style all the way back to your table, while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

you’re sure your face is red, you’re sure your pulse is high, and you’re sure you haven’t stopped smiling since the second you saw jungkook.

this was how it was with jungkook, all joy, all wild, all free, and all love.

until it wasn’t.

…just kidding, you just had a bit too much to drink.

“i told you we shouldn’t have taken that last shot,” you groaned, head lulling on jungkook’s shoulder and his entire body shook under you, you smiled to yourself, feeling his happiness on you was always so strange, so precious.

“i did tell you to not take it but you went ahead with it anyway,” he tsked at you, holding you to the side of his body so you couldn’t fall and you whined in response, “you were winning, what was i supposed to do?”

“let me win?” jungkook tilted his head at you and you narrowed your eyes at him, “never.”

his phone rings and you know it’s not you, and you feel especially weird when he immediately cuts it, not even letting it ring for two seconds.

you raise your eyebrows at that but bite your tongue.

he notices.

“it’s nothing important,” he shrugs it off but his shoulders remain tense.

“i didn’t ask,” you say immediately, turning your body away but you feel bad when he sighs, he didn’t have to cut a call for you, you weren’t anything but a friend to him.

you expect him to say good night and leave, you expect him to say that he wasn’t so happy to see you tonight.

but jungkook’s full of surprises and just as you prepare to apologize for your reaction, his eyes brighten up at the sight of a toy claw machine, and you know what’s on his mind.

“you told me you have to go home, right?” he slowly slips his arms from around you to hold you by your hands instead and you don’t like where this is going, or this is exactly how you wanted tonight to be.

“jungkook, no,” he inches towards the machine with a pout on his face, “how about i win you, not one, not two but three plushies? then will you come to mine?”

“to do what?” you huff out though your cheeks reddened at his fingers caressing the side of your face, your skin sings where he touches and his whisper “to you know,” leaves you gasping, but he doesn’t know your struggle, he shrugs and moves away.

that gives you a second to breathe and you roll your eyes to mask your desperation, “i don’t know, jungkook.”

“to talk, silly! where did your dirty mind go?” jungkook gently flicks your temple and you bite back a smile, “so, we just talk?”

“of course, i’m a nice guy,” he says then turns to smirk at you, “you know that,” and your body rushes with a wave of everything that happened between you two.

he had meant it lightheartedly, but now, all you could think of was, no, he wasn’t very nice, he wasn’t very nice sometimes in the middle and was definitely not nice towards the end.

but you weren’t either.

“so, we have a deal?” jungkook reaches the machine and his face lights up with red, blue, and green, and he looks over at you, excitement practically bouncing off his body and everything shoves itself in again.

you nod.

he wins you a panda, a bunny, and a tiger.

he carries you all the way to his home.

and doesn’t look at his phone once throughout the night.

jungkook’s apartment was no longer tiny, jungkook wasn’t a tiny college student anymore, he was all big and buff with galaxy eyes, and his apartment was just like him, with sharp corners and soft lights.

you stared down at the ceiling fan that rotated over and over again, refusing to move an inch, refusing to acknowledge the light pouring in from the windows, refusing to believe that your night with jungkook was already over.

you didn’t want to get up and find the apartment empty.

you didn’t want to realize that you wasted your time again.

if you got up and ran, leaving everything behind, jungkook would be a ghost again, and after last night…you don’t think you have it in you to leave.

then, your phone rings, a loud disruption to your quiet, worrying thoughts and you grab it quickly.

‘FRIEND (?)…calling’.

apparently, you weren’t too drunk to change jungkook’s contact in the middle of the night.

“hello?” you whispered into the call and his small laugh burst in from the other side, “come out, sleepyhead, how much longer will you sleep?”

and you melt.

quite literally.

your entire body falls back on the bed with a sense of calm that can only come after a storm.

“you’re still here,” you mumble, more to yourself than to him and he hums, “well, it is my house so,” and your head falls to the side with a smile growing.

he was still here.

god, relief was so sweet.

you step out of his bedroom on your tiptoes, as if your noise would ruin this moment, and jungkook peeks from the corner, the phone still pressed to his ears, and grins, “you won’t believe this.”

“what?” you look around and he presses the phone closer, “the prettiest girl in the world just showed up inside my apartment.”

and you know if any other man said it, you would cut the call, gather your belongings, and block them as soon as you were out of their place.

but it’s jungkook.

everything is different with jungkook.

“oh, inside your apartment? sounds like you have a stalker,” you play along and he frowns playfully and nods, “i’m pretty sure i saw her near my gym,” and you burst out laughing.

“okay pretty, shut up and get here, i’m making you pancakes,” he presses a kiss into the phone and drops it only to pick you up in his arms and place you on the counter.

your heart was pounding in your ears as you took the scene in.

jungkook is in a tank top and apron, flipping pancakes, and the sunlight is falling just right on his tattoos. his face is relaxed, soft, and calm, it’s everything you want his face to be like when he’s with you.

you want to pull him in for five hundred kisses.

“taste this, ow,” he picks up a pancake, only to drop it and hiss and his phone decides to ring just as you start to get down, “stay there,” and you slide back on the counter.

you wait nervously as his mumbles carry to the kitchen but you can’t catch any words or hear anything specific. when he comes back, he apologizes, “just family,” with a kiss on your cheek and he continues picking up the hot pancakes, blowing on them, until he seems satisfied and steps forward.

you expect him to put them on a plate, you expect him to make himself pancakes and eat with you.

but jungkook’s always full of surprises.

you can’t think of anything else as you watch with amusement glazing your eyes and he tenderly feeds you the pancake, all while blowing on it and asking you if it is too hot, you shake your head at him, no, it wasn’t hot, it was just a bit hard for your heart to beat at a normal pace right now.

the early hours of the morning pass this way, with a few kisses here and there, with about five pancakes in your system, and smiles, so many smiles.

and as you leave, you can’t help but look back, “i loved this,” you mutter, words a bit shy and slow, and jungkook looks away.

you assume this is it.

you assume this is how it ends.

his phone didn’t ring again but you really didn’t want to know who was on the other side, whether it was family or not, whether it was someone else, you really tried hard to push it to the back of your head.

you were having a good time and that is all.

you walk out casually as if leaving didn’t put another weight on your shoulder, as if leaving didn’t scare you that this would be the last time you see him.

right outside of his door, your ringtone breaks your step.

NOT A FRIEND…calling.

you didn’t change that.

your heart pounds as you pick up, you don’t say a word as his breath fills the call.

“friday night, you’ll come back, right?”

it was two days from now.

“why?”

“cause’, i love spending time with you, and saying it to your face scares me,” he laughs nervously and you clutch your phone tighter.

“you don’t mean that,” your fear speaks and he sighs.

you place a foot forward again, ready to cut the call.

“you know me, you know that i mean it, right?”

you didn’t know him; you know that you can believe his words only for now.

nevertheless, you go back to his door, bang your fist on it, and wait, breathless, maybe a bit desperate too.

when he opens, his eyes are on the floor and your eyes are on him, your phones stay connected in your hands.

you pick up your phone, press it to your ear, “and i mean this, i loved this morning, i loved last night too.”

i loved you.

a lifetime ago, but you did.

and he smiles, presses his phone back to his ear, “i’ll see you friday.”

“and you’re sure they won’t mind me here?” you ask once again as jungkook leads you into a garden party, and he rolls his eyes at you, “they don’t and if you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable, we will leave, how does that sound? just tug on my sleeve, and we’re out.”

you were glad the sun had set outside and he couldn’t see your face because you’re sure that your eyes were drowning in love.

who would’ve thought that he would be back in your life, seemingly in a more stable way than last time?

of course, you happily ignored that it’s only been two days since you’ve known the new jungkook.

everyone walked up to jungkook, smiling big and wide at him, hugging him, telling him how glad they were that he was here and you felt left out, even if his hand never left yours, even if he only wrapped one arm around anyone who came to him but you couldn’t shake it.

there was a point in your life when you knew everyone who knew jungkook, anyone who was his friend was your friend, you didn’t talk to any of those people now and all the new faces made your head spin.

how much time had passed?

why did it feel so long and short?

why did you feel both excited to uncover his life again and sad that there was such a big part of it that you had no clue about?

“she is my…” jungkook trailed off, awkwardly chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck and you’re brought back to the world where his friend stares at you with shifty eyes and a stiff smile.

“friend, good friend, my name’s y/n,” you leave his hand to shake his friend’s, hoping that it alleviates the tension but it seems to have the opposite effect.

his friend quickly introduced himself and coughed, made some excuse, and left.

and you stood there, hand hanging next to your body, so cold from the absence of jungkook’s hand.

“seriously, you couldn’t even say that we’re friends?” you looked up at him with poorly concealed hurt, “but,” jungkook starts but doesn’t finish, instead sighs at the floor and grabbing your hand again, leads you to the garden.

and the warmth of his hand isn’t enough for the ice gathering in your heart.

maybe tonight is it.

maybe tonight is the last time you see him.

“stay here, i’ll get us some hot chocolate,” he guided you to sit on one of the logs near the bonfire and you sat with pursed lips, you tried to look at his face but he refused to meet your eyes.

just as he’s walking away, you grab his hand, you have to fix this, you have to keep this going and he looks back at you with wide, curious eyes.

“i’m not mad at you, jungkook, so please let’s j-just be normal,” you swallow nervously after you say it, and leave his hand in the air.

you expect him to walk away, you expect him to ignore what you said.

but jungkook is always full of surprises.

he picks your hand back up, this time his sparkly eyes meet yours and he presses a simple kiss to your knuckles.

maybe tonight isn’t it.

maybe tonight isn’t the last time you see him.

the relief you feel is enough to slump your body on the log but it’s short-lived.

you ignore the distinct ring of jungkook’s phone as he walks away, you stare at the fire as if to dare it to burn you too, the anger you feel is both unnatural and too large for you.

“oh my,” you hear and your eyebrows knit together, it was a voice you hadn’t heard in a while.

“it’s so strange to see you here,” you hear his chuckle and feel his hug before you see his face and you melt and stiffen in his arms.

he lets you go in a second, he knows there are boundaries.

your ex was nothing if not courteous.

and jungkook would know that if he wasn’t just watching the exchange from a distance and only caught the hug.

“what are you doing here?” you gush at him and he shrugs, “forced myself to get out of my bed today, i was rotting,” he dramatizes at the rotting and you giggle, “please, i’ve been the same!” you agree with him.

you weren’t rotting in a bed.

you were rotting in a relationship that you know will never go forward or backward instead.

you shake the thought away; you don’t need that in your head right now.

you exchanged more small talk with him, laughed at his stories, and felt peace for a few minutes, you both ended on good terms and you still considered him your friend.

maybe you two would’ve worked out if jungkook wasn’t back in your life.

but it wasn’t long before he waved bye to you and disappeared into the crowd.

and jungkook comes back with two mugs in his hands.

you thank him quietly as you take one and sit back down, he calmly sits beside you, and you look everywhere but at him.

seeing your ex, especially when you ended on good terms, always left you uneasy and questioning everything you had in front of you.

“you’re not going to tell me who your friend is?”

there it was.

the jungkook you hated.

“he’s my ex and also yes, my friend, like you and me,” you replied, gripping the mug tighter, you hated that you even had to explain yourself to him but you knew you’d hit a nerve when his jaw clenched.

you can’t care less about that right now.

sometimes you wondered how you ever loved him.

you blew on your hot chocolate and looked straight ahead.

jungkook sighed, for the 100th time this night you feel and the sound was starting to annoy you.

“you know-“ and you’re interrupted.

jungkook grabs the side of your body and presses you close to him, drops a few marshmallows into your hot chocolate, and kisses the top of your head.

your anger dissipates.

your annoyance disappears as if it was never there.

sometimes you wonder how you ever loved him, other times you wonder how you ever stopped.

“i was just asking babe,” he mumbles into your hair and you don’t move a muscle, you stay uncomfortably wound up against him, “let’s enjoy this, yeah?” jungkook smiles, with his whole face and you can’t remember any point of the night that upset you.

for now, it’s just jungkook laughing at you as you sip on scalding hot chocolate and burn your tongue.

for now, it’s just jungkook kissing you and saying, ‘you should be all good now!’.

for now, it’s just you burying your face in his coat when he continues to pepper kisses on your face.

for now, it’s just jungkook and another night of loving him.

you clutched the bunny plushie in your hands as you watched jungkook get ready for bed, it was strange still, watching him in his home, moving around so casually around you.

he catches you staring, his shyness peaks through and a small smile builds on his face, you let your eyes fall shut when he leans forward to leave a pillow-soft kiss on your forehead.

“you want to eat something?” you shake your head, “we could get ice cream?” he offers again and you feel the heat in your cheeks, the affection in his voice hiding in the simplest questions was throwing you off.

“you know, i love this,” you’ve said this before, you know you have and jungkook’s face almost breaks because of his grin, “will you believe me if i say i love this more?”

“never.” and he chuckles, he steps forward in his t-shirt and pajama pants, the hottest he’s ever looked to you and you appreciate your view.

“but i love this more,” you think he’s challenging you, but he immediately follows with, “believe me?” and jungkook’s voice is so soft, his piercing blends into the moonlight, his eyes sparkle like never before, you have to hold yourself back from professing a lifetime of love.

“okay, i believe you,” and you close your eyes again when he kisses you, savouring the seconds, minutes, hours, or whatever else you have left with him.

you ignore his phone buzzing on the nightstand, you ignore his ignorance over the ringing, you swallow your panic when his arms wrap around as if they’re a part of your body.

you ignore his breathy whisper of, “i missed you,” and you ignore your own shaky voice when you whisper back, “i missed you like the earth misses the moon in the morning.”

for now, it was another night of loving jungkook.

the next morning, you wake up to murmurs from beside you, you barely open your eyes to see jungkook whispering into his phone and it’s not you on the other end, you pinch your eyes closed and turn away.

history.

it was back and you couldn’t stop it this time.

just like every other time.

when you first met jungkook, you were college students, both immature and more toxic than you would ever admit, you always woke up to empty beds after nights with him and he always found you on your boy best friend’s shoulder after a fight.

you would yell at each other; you would ask the other to adjust and understand but both of you refused to change anything about yourself to fit the other better. at the end of the day, he always ended up at your door and you always ended up at his.

you always crashed back into each other, a wave of kisses, love that came from almost losing each other, and also hatred, that you couldn’t go anywhere else.

the crash came more than five times during your college days and each time, you were bored of the cycle and so burdened with his love and yours, and the last time, you had blocked him and ignored his existence on any social media platform

you closed the door when you saw someone else in his apartment, he didn’t open his when he read your messages with your best friend.

that was then.

this was now.

in between, was a lot of growth and time.

you thought things had changed.

but you thought that every other time too, didn’t you?

“just speak normally, don’t mind me at all,” you mumble and as if a scratch in a record, everything buzzes around you for a minute, noisily, uncomfortably the voices in your head come back with a vengeance.

jungkook falls silent.

you bite your lip hard enough to feel the taste of metal spread on your tongue, as if a poison coming to kill you at this moment slowly but the poison was this room, the poison was these feelings you never let go of, and the poison was jungkook.

maybe no amount of time can fix you and him.

he always surprises you by leaving you, right when you’ve convinced yourself that he won't.

you only hear him say into the phone, “no, we can’t anymore,” and then only feel his hand on your shoulder.

but you’re already getting up, you’re putting your clothes on, you’re brushing your hair away from your face, and keeping your eyes on everything but him.

this was a dance you knew too well.

the dance of leaving and being left.

“wait, wait!” jungkook runs behind you, and you don’t pause a step, but eventually, he stands between you and the door.

“please, just let me explain,” he pleads, grabbing the sides of your arms, you feel like you’ve been burnt, you immediately shake them off and stand rod-straight.

“who was it?”

“right, i-“

“i don’t want any bullshit explanations or reasons, just tell me who is it.” you try to remain calm but your voice shakes with the rage you feel, and your eyes fill with tears with how intensely your anger ran through your nerves.

“please don’t cry, it really isn’t what you think,” he wipes the corner of your eyes but it only makes you angrier, he keeps saying everything but what you want to hear.

“shut the fuck up, jungkook! just tell me who is it? why do you keep taking the calls in secret? why do they call you so many times?” you prod your finger to his chest, you wanted every question to hit him like a bullet, the same way every ring of his phone left you bleeding.

“okay, okay, fine. she’s someone i was seeing-“

“was or still are?” you brace yourself, arms immediately crossing to hold your guard up.

“was,” he sighs and you feel like punching a wall, “why are you lying to me? if you aren’t seeing her anymore, why does she still call you?!” you yell, stomping into the apartment, wanting to break something, anything and he’s right behind you, hot on your heels.

“do you really want to talk about exes? do you?” he’s in your face, accusation and anger just as clearly written on his face as it was written on yours.

“yeah, i do, cause unlike you, i don’t hide my exes, i don’t answer their calls when i’m with you, i don’t entertain any communication unlike you,” you get all up in his face, fists clenching and unclenching beside your body and jungkook steps back with a mocking laugh resounding around you.

“oh really? you want to act like this now? you want to lie now, is that who you’ve become?”

“don’t be so fucking vague, jungkook, tell me in clear words, what the fuck is your problem?”

“you’ve been messaging him, i saw it on your screen so don’t even think of lying to me,” his chest rises and falls rapidly and you frown, “what messages?”

he knew your password, that wasn’t a big deal, you had told him that but what did he see that you didn’t?

“your ex, the one you were so starry-eyed for yesterday, left a very sweet message for you this morning, you would love it,” he laughs again, the sound still cut you harshly, you never missed the softness in his voice as much as you did right now.

you were offended, you were only ever starry-eyed for one person and he was standing in front of you.

you took your phone out, your fingers and hands shaking from both residual anger and fear of what you would see on your screen.

and surely, a text from your ex, who you thought had the decorum to leave you alone lingered in your inbox.

THE NICE ONE: you looked really pretty last night, made me think of our good times, give me a call, i’ll fix everything, i’ll make you happier than he does, that much i promise.

a pang of guilt hits you because you had also considered what could’ve been, didn’t you?

but you don’t even care about that right now, do you?

all that matters right now is to fight jungkook, fight until you finally win, fight until you walk away, and never look back.

“you got a sweet name for him too, congratulations to you two,” venom drips from his tone, his voice, his posture and you brace yourself again, you weren’t going to back down, not now.

“what the fuck am i supposed to do if he messages me?” you challenge and he throws his hands in the air, “block him! maybe don’t save him as ‘the nice one’, maybe never let him think that he still has a chance with you?”

“i talked to him the way i would talk to anyone i know, i didn’t let him think anything, i-i didn’t even see this until right now, what do you expect from me?”

“that’s what i am trying to say! what can i do if she keeps calling me?”

“block her! it was so easy for you to suggest it to me but you can’t do that yourself? so what, i’m the only one here still talking to someone else?”

“she’s been calling me but i never picked up, i promise, it was really my family that morning, i only picked it up this morning to tell her that she can’t call me anymore, you didn’t even let me explain,” he breaths out and though you know, that he’s honest, he’s sincere, you still want to fight.

“you’re serious?” you stepped forward again but your head was starting to feel light and loose, your body was too tense to relax anytime soon and you looked at jungkook.

maybe you never stopped wanting to fight him, maybe you never got over whatever you had, or maybe you still held everything against him.

“of course i am, i’m trying to work us out, i’m trying but why is it never enough?” his voice was no longer loud, no longer harsh, it was pleading, it was begging and your eyes tear up for a whole different reason. jungkook’s head dropped and so did the pace of your heartbeat.

this was the first time he acknowledged that there had been a time when you both had tried and failed, over and over again.

you’ve fought with jungkook, you’ve fought with jungkook a lot but not until this point, not until the both of you stood defeated and scared of what the other would say next.

not until you both were tired.

the fight simmers and boils down to nothing again.

“jungkook,” you break the silence and he stands still, his shoulders rise uncomfortably, his fingernails pinch the tender skin of his palm and that’s when you know, he’s scared and so are you.

“are we going to keep doing this until we can’t?” you shake your head as your tears gather again, you feel the devastation spread through your body, “are we going to keep hurting each other until then? i-is that fair?” your knees buckle and his fists clench, jungkook’s eyes squeeze shut and you see the tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

you’ve never seen him like this.

you never want to see him like this.

your heart was growing a hole at the sight of jungkook so defeated in front of you and you had to look away.

“i don’t know what else to do, or how to make this better,” he sniffs and your shoulders drop down further. the feeling of failure dug itself deeper into your skin, and this time, you don’t think the wound will ever heal.

“i don’t either,” you whisper back and this time, he’s the one looking away from the sobs caught in your throat.

sometimes you wonder how you ever loved him, other times you wonder how you ever stopped but you never knew with jungkook, when you would feel something, what would you feel around him, it was always the most or the least but never what you could handle.

you didn’t see a future where you wouldn’t constantly overthink every call jungkook gets and he didn’t see a future where he wouldn’t constantly look over his shoulder for an ex or best friend of yours.

you’ve hurt each other before, intentionally or unintentionally and you know in your heart, that it will happen again.

it didn’t help that you two would never feel what you felt for each other, with someone else, it didn’t help that you loved each other more than you could handle, love couldn’t keep you together, it was too twisted, too cruel and someone had to get up and leave.

“jungkook.” his head snaps up and panic washes over his face but someone has to do this.

you’ll walk away.

this was it.

this was the last time you’d see him.

and it wasn’t for you, it was for him.

“i love you, i don’t think i’ll ever stop, but we both know how this will end,” he’s a lot closer now and his galaxy eyes are on your swollen eyes, on your shaking hands and he sighs, all his sharp edges erode and it hurts more than it ever has when he shakes his head as if he can’t believe it.

“i’m going to fix it, i promise, i will do anyt-“

“and we’ll break it again, you know this,” you say it as softly as you can, and the warmth returns but not for anything good, not for anything that will last, the warmth returns just enough for jungkook to graze the tips of your fingers with his hands and for the sunlight to shine on his red eyes.

“we will, yeah.” he agrees and your hands fall back into his, not to hold onto but to let go. your foreheads hold each other in place until you start to feel that you might never leave.

he lets you stare at him for several minutes, never once shying away from your gaze or questioning it, like he always has and you too let him take you in, for the last time this close.

“i love you too,” he says at the door and you suck in a breath, the wound stays fresh and bleeding but you have to go.

when you pull away, jungkook’s hand stays suspended in the air, waiting for you, even though it shouldn’t.

when you step out of his apartment, you wait for your phone to ring, even though you shouldn’t.

but his hands stay cold and your phone stays silent.

parties were boring.

what was harder was seeing jungkook in the other corner of the room and him pretending that he never saw you.

but he still heads straight towards you.

you head towards him too.

but you don’t meet in the middle, you don’t stop for a chat and a smile, you don’t repeat history, you walk right past each other and never look back.

you see jungkook, you gravitate towards jungkook, you lean on jungkook, you like jungkook, and you leave jungkook.

he leaves you too.

taglist: @smoljimjim @lovingkoalaface @kookiescutie @reallygenerouskoala @krisdu83 (thank you so much for being excited for this, i hope you like it <3)

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namfinessed · 6 months ago

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OMGGG thank you for reading !! your review is so sweet and makes me feel seen because that’s exactly what i wanted to portray in my story, thank you again !! <33

ex-things - m.yg.

genre: angst (after breakup!) (4.8k)

masterlist

“scarf,” you say as soon as yoongi appears at the door, you fail to hide your smile when he throws his head back in exasperation and throws the door open.

you push past him and enter his apartment which looked…exactly the same.

but then again, you did just break up some ten minutes ago so, of course, it would be the same.

you don’t know why you expected the universe to shift just because your heart was broken.

and as you throw back the cushions on his sofa, push the things on his coffee table, look under the sofa and table, and walk past him to check the coat rack and then the kitchen, you feel his piercing gaze following your every step.

you knew where it was.

it was in your bedroom.

or well, his bedroom now.

“can you hurry the fuck up?” he groans and in that second, you eye the black plastic cover filled with two or three soju bottles sitting on his kitchen counter.

you swallow and yell back, “can you just let me look for my scarf in peace?”

another groan.

a stomp on the floor.

“fuck, i’ll mail it to you,” yoongi makes his way into the kitchen with loud steps and you arch your eyebrow at him, then look towards the green bottles shining on his counter, he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and spits out, “i was going to drink today before anything ever happened, don’t feel too special.”

“really?” you muse, clinking them against each other, and in the next second, yoongi’s hand is wrapped around your wrist and he’s pulling you, gently, towards the door.

“i’ll send it when i find it,” he murmurs as he pushes your coat, your car keys, and your phone into your hands, and you don’t say anything for a while.

you clutch your belongings and stand by the door until you notice how yoongi's eyes are bloodshot, their usual sharpness dulled by exhaustion. his shoulders rounded with an invisible weight, and you feel guilty for leaving.

“a-are you okay?” you ask, it feels stupid to ask because you know, you were the same as him.

he laughs bitterly and throws you a glare, you notice how his hands tremble beside his body, and you look away to save him and yourself from the pain of asking again.

“i just broke up with my girlfriend of three years, so yeah, i’m doing fantastic,” he breathes out, you wonder if it pains him like it’s paining you to hear his words, “now, can you leave?” yoongi gestures towards the door again.

you sigh, “wait a minute,” and enter your his home again.

“what now?” he throws his hands in the air and stomps after you.

he watches you grab the scarf from under his bed, he turns his eyes away when he sees your hands shaking while holding it, “did you know where it was?” yoongi breathes out, his face and voice in disbelief.

you don’t say anything again.

and when you leave, he pours himself glass over glass to forget the trembling of your jaw and how you paced around the apartment while knowing exactly where you kept the scarf.

he laughs again, the sound is strange, rough, and just wrong without your laugh chiming with him.

he pours himself a glass again.

it’s been a week.

“hi,” you say as yoongi walks into his house, he jumps a little, clutching his chest as his eyes widen to look for you.

you raise a hand to wiggle your fingers at him as a ‘hello, hi, ex-boyfriend, you’re back at your home and so am i!’ and yoongi blinks.

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

“oh, i was loo-“

“wait wait, how did you even get in?” yoongi frantically marched to his front door and twisted the knob to check for any damages and you roll your eyes.

“i found your key under the potted plant. speaking of which, do you want to get robbed or something, why would you even put it there?” you throw your hands in the air as you sip tea, grimacing as the strange, bitter taste of yoongi’s favorite green tea spreads in your mouth.

“first of all, stop drinking my tea, you don’t even like it” you put the cup down with a sheepish smile and fold your hands on the table.

“and second of all, i didn’t think i had to worry about any ex-girlfriends breaking in, my bad,” yoongi complains loudly and you press your palms to your ears, shaking your head, “i’m not even here to see you, i’m here for…well, i’m here for,” you struggle to finish the sentence.

and yoongi glares at you.

“what is it?” as he moves his head to pin his glare on you, his soft, freshly straightened hair moves with him.

“straightener!” you say loudly, clapping your hands, and yoongi’s eyebrows narrow again, “you’re going to get wrinkles, yoongi.” you point at his eyebrows but he doesn’t let up, you’re sure that his eyebrows furrowed deeper.

“okay! i’ll be on my way once i get that,” you wander off into his bedroom and yoongi throws his head back in exasperation.

your straightener is easy to find because well, it’s not yours, it’s his and it’s just sitting on his vanity but yoongi doesn’t bat an eye at that.

he only watches you move around his home with his arms crossed on his chest and an unreadable satisfaction on his face.

and when you leave, you can’t help but notice that for all his annoyance, he never tells you to not come back, and he never tells you to find everything you own and leave at once.

with that knowledge, you leave his home with the biggest grin on your face.

“you need to get out before my booty call gets here,” you happily eat your ice cream on the kitchen counter as yoongi walks into your home as if he owned it.

did you mention that he was the one to bring you ice cream?

your favorite too, one scoop of hazelnut and one scoop of brownie.

“ha ha, very funny, you should start thinking of a career in stand-up” he responds with a roll of his eyes and you giggle even more, sliding down to catch up with his pace around your home.

“what are you here for?”

“t-shirt, you know the one you stole,” yoongi shrugs and glares again, walking right into your room and you follow with hands closed behind your back, “which one?” you muse as you remember all the (10) t-shirts you’ve stolen from him.

he looks back as he nears the closet, eyes narrowing at you, “how many do you have?”

“how many can you remember that i have?”

yoongi groaned in sheer frustration and you crawled on your bed, watching him pick apart your closet, and glaring at you whenever he found one of his t-shirts in there.

for a moment, it was amusing.

it was the funniest thing to watch yoongi get annoyed, you always enjoyed it.

but in the next moment, when he was around his fifth t-shirt, you felt this ache slowly develop in your chest and spread across your throat and then your mouth, then it was everywhere.

it was this dull throbbing that you couldn’t shake and your eyes dropped to fiddle with your fingers instead of looking at him, collecting his belongings from your home.

because, just two weeks ago, it had been your t-shirts too, hadn’t they? and it wasn’t just your home then, it was yours and his, wasn’t it? sure, you had separate apartments but it never felt like that, it felt like you had two homes and both homes belonged to both of you.

and now, you only had one.

you had wrapped your arms around his back when he was in your room two weeks ago, he was here now but you couldn’t even touch a hair on his head without feeling like you’ve crossed a line.

your head was starting to collect the ache and make a home for it so you ask, “are you almost done?”

you didn’t mean to ask him that, you actually very, very badly wanted yoongi never to leave so you could believe again, ‘i have two homes, i have two toothbrushes, two mugs, two keys, two doors, and two of everything’ but yoongi pauses, he collects the t-shirts he found and nods, “yeah, i’m done.”

when he walks out of your room, the ache finally takes over your head and you follow him with dazed eyes and stumbling feet.

at the door, yoongi stops, he turns around with concern brimming in his eyes and that is enough for your hands to shake again, “you good?”

“i just broke up with my boyfriend of three years, so yeah, i’m doing fantastic,” you deepen your voice to mimic his and yoongi shakes his head with a small laugh, “you better be okay,” he says at the end, and his voice is so soft, it feels like cotton pressed into your cheeks.

and you nod because if yoongi says you have to be okay, you’ll find a way to be okay.

but when he leaves, you are back to having just one home, with one toothbrush in the bathroom, one mug in the kitchen, one set of keys in your purse, one door, and one of everything else.

and you’re sorry to yoongi.

because you don’t know if you can be okay.

a couple days passed again.

you had an angry yoongi pacing in front of you as you watched.

“you’re being ridiculous,” yoongi shoves a hand through his hair, glaring at you as you sit with arms across your chest and refusing to look at him.

“i’m not,” you huff out and he rolls his eyes.

he did that a lot.

he did that a lot with you.

“i didn’t steal your plushie, are you fucking kidding me?” yoongi whines and walks away into the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

you follow him and right at the doorway, you don’t enter, you just watch his even more sunken eyes and even more rounded shoulders with conflicted eyes.

a part of you wanted to hug him.

a part of you wouldn’t mind killing him.

a part of you wanted to kiss his shoulders to lift them.

a part of you wanted to leave a red mark on his face.

but all parts of you, you couldn’t trust or believe.

these past few days, you couldn’t trust or believe anything actually.

yoongi senses your eyes on him, he knows how you look at him and how you seem to show so much with just a gaze but he holds strong.

you were broken up.

you shouldn’t be here.

hell, he’s not sure if he should be here or not either.

but he betrays himself over and over again, he lets you into his house and you let him into yours, and he feels ridiculous every time he closes your door, he’s not sure what you feel when you close his.

“i threw it away,” he shrugs his shoulders, eye muscles tensing oddly, he’s not sure if you notice or not.

“what?” your whisper is so quiet, yoongi wouldn’t have known you were speaking if he didn’t see your lips moving.

“i threw it, okay? there was no use of it being around here anymore, so i fucking threw it away,” he didn’t mean for his voice to be loud, and he didn’t mean for his words to hurt but maybe he did, maybe he wanted to hurt you.

but he loves you?

but he’s also okay with hurting you.

to an extent.

yoongi had never understood why he couldn’t love properly, why his love for others and himself had to hold a touch of pain, a touch of misery, but it was always out of his control.

it had been different with you.

for a while, that is.

but he was back to his roots now, pain and misery and love and affection held his hands and danced around him.

and he had to dance with them too.

“i threw it,” he repeated, but your plushie was tucked into his pillows, into his sleep, and into his days and nights.

it was stained with salty tears now, it was stained with the ice cream he ate after he left your home, and he didn’t want you to see it.

for a moment, you both didn’t even twitch in the wrong direction, yoongi watched the dark liquid in his cup with growing intensity and you waited for him to tell you that your plushie was safe.

“fine,” you sniffled, grabbing your coat and stomping to the door and yoongi followed, he tried not to but his feet walked ahead of his mind.

at the door, you angrily shoved your feet into your sneakers and pushed your hair out of your face, as if to prove that you weren’t crying, that you weren’t affected and anyone else would believe you.

but yoongi knows you.

and he knows your red nose and cheeks can only mean one thing.

before you close his door, you say, “you’re a horrible person, yoongi.”

he thinks he knows what you feel when you close his door now.

hatred.

you swore to yourself that that would be the last time you turn up at his place, but you had genuinely forgotten something there and needed it this time, so you swallowed your pride and rang his doorbell.

you don’t greet him when he opens the door and yoongi feels like he could fall to his knees when you shove a bag with his favorite ice cream, matcha, and coffee (he’s a caffeine guy, he runs on it), into his hands and yoongi knows he’s forgiven.

“i forgot my trousers here,” you mumble afterward and head straight into his closet to dig through for the work trousers that you cannot live without.

yoongi doesn’t dare to utter a word, he looks through his closet beside you and apologizes when his skin touches yours in any little way.

you can’t believe there was a time when you would touch him as if his body was yours too and he would touch you the same. but his apologies just dug the truth deeper into your skin, which was that you didn’t belong to him, and he didn’t belong to you.

so, you nod, you bear your cheeks heating up and thighs going weak, and just look through his neatly organized piles of clothes too.

he used to organize your stuff too, he used to section them, fold them, and keep them neatly by his clothes.

that’s how you find your trousers, crisp folds, and fresh-smelling, right beside his work clothes.

and your heart squeezes as you pull it out.

the folds loosen, the trousers limp in your hands, and that small change in its structure, makes you think of yoongi and everything that fell apart with him.

when you leave that day, you pause at the door and whisper, “you’re not horrible, yoongi, but maybe i am, maybe i ruined everything, but please don’t hate me.”

before he can catch you and wipe your tears and tell you that you were right last time, he was the horrible one, he was the one who texted late, who came home late, who missed birthdays, but you were already running away and he was left with a lit cigarette burning his throat.

“i swear, it was here,” yoongi shifts the things around your closet, head buried deep in shelves and racks of clothes and shoes, you stand at the doorway with your arms crossed against your chest, trying not to roll your eyes.

“and you have a million other headphones, so i don’t understand why you would need to find this one,” you step into the room and lazily move things around to try and find it too, yoongi scoffs from a few feet away, “it was special to me,” he says and turns his back to you again.

“why?”

“my grandfather gave it to me,” yoongi huffs, and his hands stay busy.

but.

“your grandfather died when you were five,” there was no way his grandpa gave it to him and you know you’ve caught him.

he could’ve at least tried harder with his lies.

it was strange, seeing him here, standing in your bedroom, surrounded by things that no longer belonged to both of you.

you don’t think you’ll ever get over that feeling of loss.

the moisturizer you would’ve shared with him.

the cheap wig that he would wear to make you laugh.

the razor that you would hide to annoy him.

they only belonged to you now.

though you don’t bring up his grandfather to drive him away, you only say it because it was hard for you to understand why he was here, looking for headphones that he could buy tens of pairs of.

he pauses, you wait for him to say something else, or lie about a friend who didn’t exist who gave it to him, lie about his dad giving it to him.

but yoongi doesn’t say anything.

he keeps looking.

you refused to keep anything that touched you in the last three years.

well, except for some things.

“yoongi,” you call out, pointing towards the unopened box in your closet and he turns his head that way, quickly walking over to it and flipping it upside down.

the photo album that carried your first anniversary.

the promise ring that he gave you on your second anniversary.

the matching couple t-shirt which he cringed at but wore whenever he could.

the.

so many the’s and so many first’s and second’s of things that you kept, though ‘kept’ was the wrong word, you treasured these things, you loved them.

and all of them fell on the floor with noise that shook your ears and chest, not because of the volume but because it was like you were pouring your heart in front of him.

but you loved them in the past, you liked to think that you did and you were in the present now, watching yoongi eye the things you gathered without his knowledge.

and all of it was only yours now.

“when did you keep this here?” he asks, and you immediately know he’s asking about the simple diamond ring that everyone thought was your engagement ring.

but it was just a promise ring.

and you removed it when, “that day you didn’t come for my birthday,” you mumbled, picking up the things and putting them back where they belonged.

buried inside a box.

shoved into a closet.

but before, you pull out his headphones from the box and hang it over your head for him to take.

when he takes it, his fingers touch the smallest part of your palm and your eyes gather tears as if rivers were breaking a dam in them.

yoongi stands without saying a word for a long time but then he walks to the door, “you’re not going to close your door?”

you’re not coming to see me off?

you get up unwillingly and walk to the door without sneaking another glance at him and drop the ring into his palm, “bye, yoongi.”

his hands tighten around the band of platinum.

both of you look at the dangly, worn-out wires of his headphones that hang from his other hand.

you had given them to him for your first anniversary.

not his dead grandpa or dad or friend.

it was you.

and both of you refused to acknowledge that fact.

and when yoongi finally leaves, he leaves behind a space in the air that waits for him to come back and take his place again, in your life, in your home, in your space.

but he doesn’t turn back.

and you close the door, letting the space remain.

a few days went by again.

neither of you showed up at each other’s doors anymore.

neither of you had anything left to collect.

neither of you had anything that belonged to the other.

and it was strange, the quiet, the loneliness that crept on your back and it always hit at the most unexpected of times.

when you poured your cereal in the morning, you realized you were holding the box that you had bought while grocery shopping with yoongi, it was your favorite time of the month, the one time you could really feel that he was your person.

but the box was empty by the end of your breakfast and you kept it back in the cabinet.

when you arranged your clothes, you saw your messy folding and fell back on the pile of clothes that still needed folding.

how yoongi did this every day, you had no clue.

but as you lay in pieces of cotton, linens, satins, sequins, and many more materials that hugged and pinched you, you couldn’t help but think that surely, yoongi wouldn’t leave you like this, there has to be something of his that you still own.

there has to be something.

so, you got up and with renewed desperate energy, you started searching.

you pulled upon every desk, every closet door, every nook and cranny, you searched with shaking hands and watery eyes.

“there has to be something, there has to be,” you whispered to yourself, your voice choking as things fall over from the tall walls, they fall on your feet, and your toes, and a sharp pain hits you every single time, but you push through.

because.

there has to be something.

you can’t end it like this.

you and yoongi cannot end like this.

anyone else can.

but not you, not him and you.

and the closets you look through stay ajar, the desks you’ve emptied stay tipped over, and everything you own is on the floor.

but there is none of yoongi in any of it.

so, you sink.

you sink to your knees, sobbing and flipping over items as you reach them.

because goddamit, there has to be something.

when the bell first rings, you don’t register it, you are way too intent on the clutter in front of you.

but then it rings.

and rings.

and rings, again and again.

relentless.

and you push yourself up, hoping it’s no one you know because you don’t think you can explain the tears on your face.

but when you open the door, your mouth goes dry and you know you don’t have to explain anything.

because across from you, is a red-eyed yoongi and he’s carrying a box.

“can i come in?” is all he asks, his voice barely a whisper and you’re already opening the door and pulling him in.

but once he’s in your home, in your space again, the familiar soft and sharp scent of him, the sight of him, it was too much. you couldn’t breathe. your eyes never leave him, every breath he took, every shift of his fingers, every fall of his chest, all of it was dancing in your eyes and for the love of god, you couldn’t look away.

he sets the box down and stands there with his hands opening and closing around nothing, and you want to grab them, you want to spread them across your cheeks and feel his warmth, which was sometimes cold too but you didn’t mind, you never minded with yoongi.

but instead, you curl your hands behind your back and stop yourself because it still wasn’t right.

“i don’t have anything of yours,” you start, voice already breaking, “anymore,” you finish with hands tightening so hard around each other that you could feel the bruises blooming on their surface.

“i know,” he takes a sharp inhale of breath and looks away from you and you want to beg him to look at you.

for a second, it’s just you reliving every second you weren’t with him and it’s him looking at your apartment that was void of anything personal, anything that called it a home.

“i want all of it back,” he sniffs, looking at you finally, you want to take it back, you aren’t sure how you survived three years of his eyes only on you and you squeeze your door handle, “all of what?” you whisper, and he sniffs again, “your stuff, all of it, your stupid scarf, your straightener, everything, i want all of it back, in my place, in our place, where it belongs.” he says it so quietly, so earnestly and each word has you pulling your skin tighter.

“your plushie is in this, i never threw it away but i’m taking it back, my t-shirts and headphones are in this, i’m leaving them here,” he bends over the box and starts picking things apart, and each thing he pulls out, fills you with relief.

but.

“but that isn’t right, yoongi,” you try to defend, “we aren’t together anymore,” you hate the words as they surface out of you and yoongi shakes his head.

“but is this right?” he lifts his hands from the box, his jaw trembling again and you instinctively smooth your hand over it and yoongi pushes his face into your hands.

“is it right, both of us miserable?” he whispers and the world bottoms out from underneath you, suddenly gravity is nothing and you’re both floating towards each other.

“but i hurt you,” you grip his headphones and this time, his tears fall the same as yours do, “i hurt you too.” he places a hand on your knees and that cold warmth, that bare touch leaves you open.

“but i’m done, i don’t want to hurt you anymore,” yoongi begs, he shakes his head as he says it as if he can’t believe there was a time that he had hurt you but you’re the same, you can’t believe that you hurt him once.

“before you came here, i was looking for something, anything that was yours so i could come back,” you sniffed loudly, your voice falling and lifting and yoongi listens with eyes that have always looked at you, “but i didn’t find anything, yoongi and it killed me.” your voice fully gives up as you bury your face into your hands and immediately, you feel his arms pulling you into his chest and his hands running down your hair.

“you don’t have to do that anymore, i’m back see,” he tips your face towards him and his smile is so soft, so real that it makes you smile too, “i’m not going anywhere.” he assures you with a kiss on the top of your head and your watery eyes dry out.

“me too, i don’t want this anymore, i want us, i want two of everything, i want you and i want everything,” you utter back to him, the weight of the words floating between you too.

“and you have it, you have everything again, the ring is in there too but that is for whenever you’re ready.” he kisses you again and you snuggle into his embrace, feeling like you’ve lost centuries of holding him, the thought of the ring swells your chest into a balloon that could snap, “that will take time, but thank you,” you whisper, kissing where his shoulders met his neck.

“like i said, whenever you’re ready but it will always belong to you.” yoongi whispers back and you smile in pure delight, nodding along to his words.

“we were stupid for thinking that we could stay apart,” you laugh hesitantly into his chest, the idea of the two of you trying to be separate was ridiculous to you and yoongi laughs with you, which makes you melt into his body, because it was ridiculous, you were two parts of a whole, two houses in a home, two mugs in a kitchen, two keys in your purse, two toothbrushes in one bathroom and two of everything else that you could think of.

and that was how it should’ve been, that was how it was always meant to be.

somewhere in the night, yoongi crawls up your sheets and your plushie is between the two of you and you make fun of him for acting as if he threw it away, he rolls his eyes and shushes you with a kiss.

“by the way, that straightener is yours, not mine,” you whisper and he is aghast, “i fucking knew it,” he yells and sits up, and immediately starts to complain “you know how stupid i’ve been looking with hair that looks just like holly’s!”

and you remind him, playfully this time, that what was yours was his, and what was his was yours and he falls on the bed, grumbling under his breath and complaining until the sun comes up.

and it feels right, everything that belonged to you and him back in their place, back in their homes and yoongi, back in your life, your home, and your space.

just as it should be, just as it was meant to be.

#bts #bts fluff #bts angst #namfinessed #yoongi fics #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst

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namfinessed · 6 months ago

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drinks or coffee - j.jk. (preview!)

genre: fluff, angst, toxicrelationship!

parties were boring.

if you weren’t obligated to be here, you wouldn’t be.

but it was starting to look like a good decision after all.

you head towards him too.

it isn’t by conscious will, it isn’t by choice, but it is by instinct.

you see jungkook, you gravitate towards jungkook, you lean on jungkook, you like jungkook, but you never knew then and you don’t know now if he felt the same pull too.

you like to tell yourself that he does, he has to, and just as he comes to stand before you, he reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone, you frown when your phone rings in your pocket.

‘FRIEND…calling.’

…you used to be quite petty, you blushed at the name you gave him when things didn’t end so well for you two.

you can’t help it, the laugh that tumbles out of your mouth, the warmth cupping your cheeks invisibly, the shudder climbing up your spine and you especially can’t help but feel proud at jungkook’s face smiling back at you. the call ends, phones slide back into pockets and now, it’s just reality, now, it’s just jungkook’s eyes dancing on your face and his shoes touching your heels.

and you wonder where he will lead you this time, whether it'd be another heartbreak or the time of your life.

reply if you want to be added to the taglist <3

note: i loved rosie so much and especially this song played like a movie in my head, i’ve been writing this since rosie’s release and i can't wait to show you how it begins and ends.

#bts #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenarios #namfinessed #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook #bts fics #bts masterlist #bts drabble #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook angst #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook #jungkook

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namfinessed · 7 months ago

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just came back to this and wow, thank you so much for all the support and love on this story <3 this painful yet true story is so special to me, it’s been amazing to know that it’s been special to you too🥳