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narrycherries · 18 days ago

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ivy: watch what we’ll become

She can’t get over him and he finally does the right thing.

(part 12)

masterlist // ivy series

word count: 20.7k

warnings/tags: harry x fem oc, enemies to lovers, alcohol, angst, lhh, smut

It was a difficult two months for both of them. Everyone who spent time with them could tell it was hard to function without the other person. Emma tried her hardest to get Ivy out of her funk, but nothing seemed to get through to her. And Niall spent many evenings trying to talk to Harry and get his feelings out, so he didn’t keep it all bottled up, but he just got ignored each time. Two months was longer than Ivy anticipated. She truly believed he would come running back to her after a week and beg on his knees. She expected a big, grand apology and a lifetime of making it up to her, but he never showed up at her door. There were no late night calls trying to convince her to let him come over. There were no texts to check in on the other. There was no communication.

The only time she almost broke her silence with him was two weeks after he left her. She was driving home one afternoon after stopping by the grocery store when she passed the scene of an accident. She was minding her business while being respectful for the people involved, until she saw that one of the vehicles was a motorcycle. Someone was being loaded into the back of the ambulance while the bike laid on the side of the road smashed to bits. The only thing she could think of was Harry. Without second guessing anything, she pulled out her phone and parked in front of the closest business to avoid getting into her own accident. It rang and rang, the noise was taunting her as she waited for the person to pick up. They didn’t, so she called a second time. It was after a few rings that Niall finally answered his phone. He was confused, to say the least. Ivy usually didn’t reach out to him. If she needed anything, she always went through Emma.

“Hello?” He said, furrowing his brows as he leaned over the counter. He usually didn’t take personal calls while at work, but he figured this must be an emergency.

“Niall!” Ivy’s frantic voice made him jump up.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?” He asked, searching for his keys in case he had to make a get away to wherever she was.

She was having trouble catching her breath as anxiety rushed through her body. “Is.. Is Harry okay? Do you know if he’s okay?”

Niall froze, his car keys in his hand. “What?”

“I just saw a wreck.. with a motorcycle. Is Harry okay? Do you know if he’s okay?” She rambled out, fear settled in her tone.

He pushed out a sigh and dropped his keys back into the drawer. “Yeah, he’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

She was fighting back tears. If Niall said he was fine then she should believe him and calm herself down. It was hard to do that, though, when all she could think about was him being in the back of that ambulance.

“Niall, are you sure?” She asked again for reassurance.

“Yeah. He’s alright. He’s at the store.” He told her with a gentle smile.

Although he was sick of Harry’s behavior, and expected it to get worse, he didn’t have any bad blood with Ivy. He wasn’t sure exactly what happened, Harry didn’t give him many details. And after what happened the last time she told Emma something, Ivy hadn’t spoke much about the situation, either.

“Are you sure he’s there?”

He chuckled lightly. “I’m looking at him, Ivy.”

Harry’s eyes darted over towards Niall as he heard the three letter name being said out loud. He hadn’t been concerned with the phone call until just now. He dropped the box of products he was unpacking and walked to the counter. Niall tried to shew him away, but it didn’t work.

A sigh of relief left her body as she closed her eyes, squeezing them tight to picture his image. She could see him in his dark jeans and a faded tshirt as he handled a shift for Niall at the store. Maybe he was doing his guitar lessons and he had his hands gripping one of the instruments in the back. She wondered what he was doing, what he was thinking about. Was he aware of the call? Did he know Niall was talking to her?

“Okay, thank you. I.. I just had to make sure.” She said finally, her heart starting to return to a normal beating pattern.

Niall looked at Harry and took a risk. “Do you want to talk to him?”

Harry’s brows fell and he snarled his lip at Niall. As much as he missed the girl, he didn’t intend to ever speak to or see her again. He made that very clear with everyone when he announced they had broken up. No more friend dinner nights or movies or anything that involved him. He was done with that. He couldn’t force himself to be around her and be platonic, there was no way in hell that would work out. She needed her distance, too. She had to get used to him being away from her.

“No.” She chirped out, her eyes widening as she pulled her visor down to look in the mirror. “Just had to check in. That’s all.”

Niall smirked at Harry’s sour attitude and Ivy’s obvious nervous response. “Alright.”

“You’d tell me if.. if anything ever happened, right?” She didn’t mean to say that, but the words were already out of her mouth by the time she realized.

He looked at Harry, who was still pissed at the mention of her name and the fact he was talking on the phone with her. Niall knew that no matter what, he could never keep something like that from Ivy. God forbid anything did happen, but if it did.. she’d be the first to know.

“Of course, yeah.”

“Okay, thanks, Niall.” She mumbled softly, her eyes glaring at her own reflection. “Bye.”

Harry knew it would be in his best interest to walk away and let it go, yet he stayed put and opened his mouth. “Is she alright?”

Niall cocked his brow. “Funny you ask. She called to make sure you were alright.”

He furrowed his eyebrows harder. “Why?”

“She came across a motorcycle wreck.” Niall said, dropping his phone into the drawer alongside his keys. “The girl cares about you, y’know.”

“Shut up.” Harry huffed, not in the mood to hear any of Niall’s parenting.

“M’just saying.” He held his hands up in defense. “If something so terrible happened between you.. I don’t think she’d be so concerned about you.”

Harry didn’t dare say anything in return. He knew that it would only lead Niall down one of his rant paths and he’d never hear the end of it. Nobody knows the truth, or at least they haven’t heard it from his mouth. He wasn’t sure what Ivy has said to anyone, but he wasn’t going to be the one to tell the truth.

“You can tell me, Harry. I’m your friend, after all.” Niall leaned his elbows on the counter as his eyes pierced through Harry’s.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did you break up with her?” Niall asked, not caring if he was up for the conversation or not.

“Yeah.” He shrugged.

“I knew that already. She would’ve never done that to you.”

Harry rolled his eyes and looked over towards the wall. “I already feel like shit. You’re not helping.”

“Well, I’m not going to make you feel better for hurting her.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about what happened.” Harry snapped, the term hurting made his stomach drop and his chest tighten.

“Because you won’t tell me anything.” Niall kept his voice level and his eyes glued to Harry, despite being ignored and treated a bit harsher.

“It’s none of your business.” He sighed, hot air flying past his lips as he tried to untangle his thoughts. It was incredibly easy to start thinking about Ivy and getting lost in his own head. “We broke up. It’s over.”

“Did she agree to it?”

Harry threw his hands up. “Obviously, she’s not here is she?”

“You gave her no choice.” Niall assumed, it was easy to pick apart the story just from knowing Harry’s usual patterns.

“She begged me, Niall. She fucking begged me and I still said no. Is that what you want to hear?” Harry slammed his hand down on the counter, but his action didn’t feel like a threat to Niall. He was used to it.

“Can I ask you something?”

Harry let out a laugh of disbelief. “You’re going to whether I say yes or no.”

“Did you have sex with her?”

He rolled his eyes as hard as he could, thinking that the question was too personal but he was trying to play it like he didn’t care. “Yeah, I did. So what?”

Niall shook his head, disappointed by the answer. “Why the hell did you do that if you knew you were going to leave her? You told me she was very nervous about doing it.”

Harry wanted to storm out of the store and ignore Niall for the rest of the week, possibly the rest of the month, but his body wouldn’t move. His brain was yelling at him to flee, to hit the road and end the conversation. Something was keeping him there, maybe it was the guilt?

“Because she wanted me to.” He mumbled back, his eyes falling down.

“So you’ll listen when she wants to have sex but not when she begs you to stay?”

“I fucking guess so, Niall.” Harry’s face was emotionless. “Why do you care?”

“Because the girl is my friend. She didn’t deserve that.”

“That’s why I broke up with her!” Harry’s voice raised, but not too loud. “If I hadn’t done it then, I’d just be hurting her for the rest of her life. Over and fucking over again.”

The talking ended when Harry’s feet finally agreed to move. He left the counter and continued where he left off with stocking. Niall was not pleased with his behavior, but there was simply nothing he or anyone could do to fix it. Harry had made his own decisions. Harry made it his goal to keep himself busy. He did whatever he had to to keep his mind off of Ivy and stuck on other things. Those things included his guitar, which he’d spend hours playing and practicing just to keep his mind occupied, and his motorcycle that he’d drive for hours on end just to feel the wind blowing against his body, the elements of nature flowing around him offered a nice distraction. He spent most of his time in his room, while he wasn’t at work or doing lessons at the store. If he had free time, he anchored himself in the gym. He would spend hours, sometimes entire days, mindlessly exercising and working out. There were many hours spent on throwing his fists into a punching bag, taking out his anger on something that wouldn’t feel any pain. He stayed busy.

Ivy had a much harder time with keeping her thoughts tame. It was entirely too easy, as she learned long ago, for her mind to slip into deep thought about Harry. No matter how hard she worked, how long she spent cleaning the house, or how many pages of a book she flipped through to try and escape, there was no success. Harry popped into her brain when she least expected it, or sometimes when she purposely wanted him to. It was toxic and some form of self sabotage that she regretted each time, yet she kept on and on. The most trivial things could trigger her into thinking about Harry. It could be a song on the radio, maybe one she knew he loved or one that they played at their shows. Oftentimes, it was a motorcycle she met on the road - each time she wondered if it was him. Certain flowers reminded her of him, he brought her a bouquet almost every weekend. She couldn’t even handle looking at the plush animals on her bed. He’d never hesitate to lay his head on one of them, get comfortable in the corner, and even cuddle up to them when she was out of the bed. The little pig he got her during her recovery sat just above her pillow. Every night she’d stare at it for a few minutes and mumble a sad string of words as she thought about him. It was difficult to get rid of him, extremely hard to even think about something else, let alone forget him entirely. She was wrecked.

Nobody tried harder to help Ivy than Emma did. She tried several times to get her to leave the house, whether it was for a grocery trip or a night out. Ivy refused to do anything that involved partying or being around people. She’d even slip into her room for the evening if Niall was over. There was a risk that Harry could come up in conversation and she wanted to avoid that. Emma tried to cheer her up by offering movie nights and girls days and shopping and eating out - but nothing worked. Ivy was reclusive for most of the summer. She went to work and occasionally picked up her own groceries by herself. There was only one time when they were together that Emma thought trying was pointless.

It was one of the rare trips that Ivy tagged along for to the grocery store. Emma was driving them there, the radio was softly buzzing. A certain song came on and almost instantly, Ivy reached over to switch the station. Emma furrowed her brows and glanced at her.

“You love that song.”

Ivy sighed, her eyes peering out of the window. “I don’t want to listen to it.”

She didn’t explain why, and Emma didn’t ask. But by the way Ivy said it, she just knew it had to be about Harry. And of course, it was. That particular song was one Ivy brought up one night while they were snuggling on the couch. She mentioned that it would be fun to hear Harry sing it. He had been practicing it on the guitar, in hopes to play it for her when he was confident in it. She loved the song, but she hated to hear it now. It was like that for a lot of her music picks. Songs that used to make her smile and squeal with excitement on a dance floor were now just annoying sound waves she wanted to block. Harry sucked a lot out of her life when he left, and her joy was one of those things. Despite wanting to ignore things that she once loved, sometimes she was trapped in things that reminded her of him.

Emma found her watching a movie one night, and instantly it made her very concerned. She recognized the film and realized that it was definitely not the first time that week that Ivy had played it on the television. When she sat on the couch with a plate of homemade cupcakes - something she did in hopes of making Ivy at least show her a smile - she decided to ask about it.

“You’re watching this movie again?”

“Me and Harry watched this a few times.” Ivy mumbled back, her eyes staring at the screen but her brain wasn't comprehending the scenes.

“Ivy, you’re supposed to do things that help you forget about him.” Emma said with a frown. “Not things that constantly remind you of him.”

With that same blank expression she had given Emma a lot recently, she turned her head to look at her. “Have you ever thought that maybe I want to be reminded of him?”

“It’s not healthy.. You need to heal.”

Ivy shook her head, but didn’t say anything back. There was no point in trying to avoid Harry. He would somehow, someway appear in her life - either through her mind or in reminders like a movie or a song. There was a time when he was just a curiosity she had on her mind, but it was no longer that simple. He had soaked into everything she knew, into everything she loved and hated and felt and experienced. He was everywhere.

The second time the boundary was almost crossed was during one of their shows, one Ivy had initially planned to attend before everything came hurling down. Harry was singing into the microphone with very little passion. He didn’t want to be in the building, didn’t want to be on the stage. There was no enjoyment in anything he did now, even things that he was doing long before Ivy even came into his life. He was staring off in the crowd as he sang the lyrics to one of the same old songs they always perform. He thought the night would never end. He wanted to ditch the rest of the group and head home, not even having a drink or two was appealing.

He kept his eyes in the area where Emma was, only because he knew who she was. He didn’t care to look at anyone else or try to distract himself. There was nothing particularly fascinating going on, or anything that caught his attention. That was until Emma suddenly stopped singing along and pulled her phone out. Harry saw the brightness of her screen through the flashing lights, but he thought nothing of it. His eyes trailed away from her as he kept singing, wishing a new song would begin. Half a minute later, his gaze ended up back on Emma and he realized she was plugging her ear while pushing her phone against the other. He glanced over at Niall, and he was in fact watching Emma, as well. He had a concerned look on his face, but there was nothing they could do in the moment. Harry watched with his brows furrowing as Emma started to hastily walk away from the stage, the phone still on her ear. He wondered if she was alright, but once he looked back and saw Niall was still calm, he chose to forget about it.

The rest of the show slowly ticked away. He felt like it had been a century since he arrived tonight. Everyone was putting away their equipment in the back room when Niall stepped outside to call Emma. She had left him several messages after disappearing from the crowd earlier. Harry huffed to himself as he shut his guitar case. He planned on leaving right away, drinking afterwards no longer seemed to interest him these days. Niall rushed into the room just as he was getting the rest of his belongings together.

“Harry.” He called out, approaching him like something was wrong.

“What?”

Niall rested his hand on his side as he shook his head. “Emma’s at the hospital.”

“Is she alright? I saw her leave earlier.” Harry dropped his brows as his arms folded over his chest.

“She’s with Ivy.” Niall’s eyes lifted to meet his. “She’s been having a lot of pain in her stomach.. similar to when she had to have surgery.”

Harry’s heart fell to his feet, his stomach seized up as he stared at Niall’s worried face. He didn’t know how to react or what to say. He was terrified to ask any questions, to learn what’s going on. He gulped harshly, sinking his own fingertips into his arms as anxiety crept through him.

“What?” It was all he could manage to get out.

Niall swept a hand through his hair, stress taking over him, too. “I don’t know if she has to have surgery again. Emma hasn’t given me any updates. The last text was twenty minutes ago.”

“Do I need to call her?” Harry suddenly asked as reality sank in. The girl he loved more than anything on the planet was currently laying in a hospital bed possibly facing emergency surgery. “Do you think she’d answer?”

As much as Niall wanted Harry to be involved and try to help, he knew it was a dangerous game. He shook his head and grabbed Harry’s shoulder. Harry was already planning out how to approach the situation in his head. He could call her and make sure she was okay, or he could go up to the hospital and ask to see her. Would she be upset if he did that? He was sure she’d hate him even more if he did that unannounced.

“You might stress her out, Harry. Give Emma time to send me an update and I’ll tell you, okay?” Niall was trying to keep things peaceful, although he feared Harry wouldn’t listen to him at all.

“Will you call her? Emma, I mean. Just to check?”

While his voice was calm, the look in his eyes was frantic. Niall swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled out his phone. If something were to happen to Harry, he would make sure Ivy knew. It would be the right thing to reach out to her, to make sure she was alright. If she hated Harry for it, then that would just have to be how things play out. Niall was well aware that if something bad happened to Ivy, it would crush Harry’s soul - especially if he didn’t know about it. He dialed Emma’s number and hesitated to put it up to his ear, but when he did, Harry leaned closer to listen.

“Hey, Em.” Niall sighed as she answered, his eyes trained on Harry. “I just told Harry. We’re calling just to check on her.”

It wasn’t something Emma wanted to hear, but she understood how complicated it must be for Harry. She was seated in the waiting room while Ivy was going through a scan that would give the doctors a better understanding of what could be happening. She was alone in the room, but she felt a weight fall on her anyway. She didn’t want Harry to show up, for Ivy’s sake.

“They took her back for some scans. I’m not sure what they're going to do.” She waited for Niall as he relayed her message to Harry. When he asked if that was all, she continued. “She’s been having bad cramps for the past few days and she told me it felt like the times she’s had cysts. She didn’t want to go to the ER, but her dad wanted her to.”

Harry couldn’t control himself anymore. Hearing that she might be facing the same thing she had to endure months ago was gut wrenching. He easily remembered how hard her recovery was. Spending those few days with her was what made him fall head over heels for her, what made him want to spend every day with her forever. Seeing her in that situation, in that much pain was enough to make him wish he could take it all away. He never wanted her to be in pain ever again.

He backed himself into the wall, his back pressed against it as he waited for Niall to tell him the rest of what Emma was saying. He stared at the floor, picturing her laying in a room with pain medicine dripping into her veins. His chest tightened as he heard Niall say goodbye.

“What did she say?” He immediately asked, leaning off the wall and attempting to keep his balance.

Niall sighed heavily. “They aren’t sure yet. If it’s cysts again.. they might have to remove them.”

Harry felt like his world was crumbling to pieces - and she technically wasn’t even a part of his world anymore. Well, he tried to convince himself of that. Two people who aren’t meant to be together shouldn’t be worried about one another. He shouldn’t pace back and forth in every room in his house debating whether to call her or not - to apologize to her, to beg for her to forgive him. If she really didn’t mean anything to him, then he’d never spend a single second thinking about her. Instead, he spends every moment of every day with his mind consumed by the thought of her. He can’t go a minute without wondering about her.

“What.. what do I do?” He asked Niall as he felt his eyes watering over. He didn’t want to cry in front of anyone, but the emotions were taking a toll. He was falling apart slowly, but surely. “Do I go up there?”

Niall felt bad for how things were going, for how hurt Harry was. He hated the way Ivy was treated, but he’s known Harry for too long to believe that he didn’t love the girl. It was evident that he cared about her. Even though he knew it would calm Harry’s racing heart down, he didn’t think it was a good idea. It would be different if she asked for him to come up there.

“No. Don’t go tonight.” Niall finally said with a frown. “Give her some time. Let the doctors do what they need to. Call Emma in the morning.. see if she’s alright then.”

He left as soon as his conversation with Niall was over and headed home. He was trying his best to keep his mind focused on the road. There was no need for him to end up in the emergency room, too. When he arrived home, he stripped down to his underwear and laid down on his bed, on top of the covers. His hands covered his face as he mumbled into his own palms, trying to decide if coming home was a good idea or not. Niall’s advice was given with Ivy’s sake considered, but Harry started to slip into his selfish mindset. She might not ever know he was told about her being there, but he hoped that she knew. He hoped that Emma told him about the call with Niall. He wanted Ivy to know he cared, that he was worried about her. Was it selfish? He wasn’t entirely sure. He cared about her more than he ever cared about himself, how is that selfish? He’s done other things to her that were definitely selfish, but this shouldn’t be considered one of those things.

It was extremely difficult for him to fall asleep that night. He was sure that if he hadn’t of done a show and been exhausted from it, he would’ve stayed up all night. The thoughts running rampant in his mind were hard to shut off, like always, but eventually his body fell asleep. His dreams consisted of her. It was like he was replaying his favorite moments with her all night. Maybe he should just go to the hospital in the morning and check on her in person. Would that mean anything to her, or would it make her angry? The last thing he wanted to do was further upset her. He had already done so much damage.

When he woke up, the first thing he did was grab his phone and call Emma. He didn’t check the time, it was before seven. It rang a few times, but thankfully she picked up just in time. Harry was nervous as he heard her voice. He figured she was around Ivy, in the same building at the least.

“Hey, Harry.” Emma said with a sigh, not particularly thrilled to be speaking to him. Niall warned her that he’d be calling, so she was expecting his name to appear on her phone screen at some point today.

“Um, M’just calling to check on Ivy. Is.. Is everything okay?”

Emma took a moment to answer, and the silence was making his stomach churn. “Yeah, she’s alright.”

“Does she have to have surgery again? Did they find anything that needed to be taken out?” He squeezed eyes shut as he awaited the answer.

“No, they didn’t find anything. They thought it was a cyst but.. nothing showed up on any of the scans.”

Harry quickly debated in his head if it was okay to ask any more questions or not. If she didn’t want him to know, then she’d just tell him that. What harm could come from asking?

“So, if there’s nothing.. why was she hurting? Niall said it was similar to what she’s felt before.”

“They assume it was just bad cramps. They triple checked everything, did all the scans they could. She doesn’t have anything wrong.”

He didn’t want to believe that. Why was she in such pain if there is nothing going on? She had told him all about her history with the cysts popping up whenever they wanted to. He was aware of the level of pain they had caused her in the past. If she was hurting enough to go to the hospital, then surely something must be wrong? He wasn’t a doctor, but he felt like he needed to show up there and force them to do more, to figure it out.

“Is she still hurting?”

Emma sighed again. “No.”

“Is she home?”

At first, Emma was hesitant to answer that. She was afraid he’d want to come see Ivy, and that just didn’t seem like a good idea for anyone. “No. We’re waiting to be discharged. She’s going home sometime today.”

“Okay, good.” He gently pressed his hand against his stomach. A nauseous feeling had been brewing, but there was relief now. “Um, can you just.. let her know I.. I was worried? I, uh, I know she.. doesn’t want to talk to me herself.”

“Yeah, I’ll let her know.”

“Thanks. Um, I’ll let you go now.” He mumbled back, not wanting to lose his only connection to Ivy so quickly, but he had no choice. Emma didn’t want to talk to him, it was evident in her tone and how she flatly replied to him. It was reasonable, though.

“Alright, Harry.” He was about to hang up the call when she suddenly spoke again, her words making his heart swell in a way he didn’t quite understand. “She’s okay. She wants you to know that.”

He nodded to himself, maybe it was her way of saying she wasn’t mad that he asked about her. He wondered if Emma had told her what Niall said about him giving them a call. It was hard not to wonder about her.

What Harry didn’t know was that his call was put on speaker so Ivy could hear him. She stayed silent the entire time, but her eyes were fixed on his name on Emma’s phone screen. She wanted to thank him for reaching out, for being so concerned - but she was mute the entire time. Emma was nervous she’d say something and send Harry and herself into another spiraling situation. Ivy was comforted by the fact he was thinking about her and hoping she was alright. It was enough to make her smile and fill her heart with a fluttering wave of joy. He still cared, he never stopped caring.

Emma tossed her phone into her purse, her eyes finding Ivy’s again. She wasn’t surprised to see a sweet smile shaped to her lips. Emma crossed her arms and sat back in the chair, her mind starting to think about the situation with Harry. Ivy didn’t say anything, she just took out her phone and started scrolling. It wasn’t healthy to look at pictures of Harry, or at least that’s what people have told her, but she couldn’t resist it right now. She found the pictures she had taken of him while they were together. Some of them both, most were just of him though. She loved sneaking cute pictures of him while he wasn’t looking. She thought he was the most adorable person in the world. As much as it was a comfort, it also hurt her a lot. She missed him, especially in times like this when she really needed someone.

“It was nice that he called.” Emma said in a low voice, not sure how to approach this.

Ivy’s smile widened. “Yeah, it was.”

“Niall thought you’d be mad.. but I figured you’d appreciate it.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, it wasn’t a bad thing.”

Her attention fell back down to the photo of him on her screen. She missed his long, curly hair and his bright green eyes that always stared at her. She missed the way he smelled, the cold touch of his rings on her skin, the feeling of his lips. There wasn’t anything she didn’t miss about him. Even the bad things - she wished he’d get annoyed one more time, that he’d go silent or ignore her or be upset with his friends. It was a toxic thing, but she missed every aspect of being with him.

“I’m sorry.”

Ivy lifted her head, furrowing her brows as she saw Emma frowning in the chair. “What?”

“I feel like I did this.”

“What are you talking about?” Ivy was actually confused.

She thought about her current situation of being in the hospital bed as she waited for the discharge to go through. Emma didn’t cause this in any way. If anything, Ivy was just being dramatic and cautious. There wasn’t anything she could come up with that would explain what Emma meant.

“If I hadn’t told Niall about.. about the bruises, then you’d still be with him.” She had a sadness on her face that made Ivy’s heart drop. “You’d be happy. You haven’t been happy in so long.”

“Emma, no.” She wanted to stand up and put her arms around her, but she was too tired to move from being here all night. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Harry took it overboard. He.. He lost his mind over something so stupid. I promise, you didn’t do anything.”

“Ivy, you can’t sit here and tell me you haven’t thought this was all my fault. If I hadn’t said anything to Niall, then Harry would’ve never found out you told me.”

“But it isn’t about me telling you. He was.. was overreacting about it. He did this, not you or Niall or anyone. It’s his fault we aren’t together. I never wanted that. I.. I tried to get him to stay, but he chose not to.” Ivy didn’t want to blame anyone for this, because it was truly no one else’s fault but Harry’s.

Everyone has told her how sorry they were that she had to go through that, and that they wished they could help her. The truth is, there is no helping. Harry has to help himself, and she is emotionally stable enough to accept that. Harry caused this issue, like many others before, and he has to be the one to mend it. Niall can’t magically fix it, there’s nothing Zayn or anyone else could say to Harry, and Emma can’t make it better. Only Harry can solve this issue, and Ivy was waiting for him to do that. Whether it took another month or a year, she was going to wait on him.

Maybe it was stupid and childish, or maybe it was true love fighting for the future she wanted with him. There were too many nights when she cried her eyes out wondering what she did wrong, what went so wrong that it caused him to do that to her. There were many nights when she vented to Emma and Niall, confused on how to approach him or how to figure it out. So many nights wasted trying to figure it all out, trying to decode how his mind worked. There would be no fixing it on her own. He would have to make an effort, and she knew that more than anyone. She was waiting. She hoped that he knew that.

—•—

A huff slipped out of Harry’s mouth as he saw the date on his phone screen. Two months and a week since he made the worst mistake in his entire life. He counted the days, kept up with the time that had passed him by. It probably wasn’t good for his mental health to do that, but he didn’t care. He had messed up everything else, why spare his own feelings or stability? He lacked the latter, anyway, that’s why he’s in this situation now.

He locked his phone as he felt a hand slap on his back. It was Niall, who was very pumped up for the show they were about to do. He appeared in front of Harry, holding his guitar with a positive smile. He always seemed so cheerful and excited, it made Harry envious at times. How could anyone be so happy? He would wonder that, then remember that Niall was actually happy. He was in a healthy relationship, that alone could make a person feel untouchable.

“Why do you look so disappointed?”

Harry shrugged, not caring to even answer the question. Niall already knew the answer, why did he have to bring it up? Without speaking, Harry walked past him to get some space before they had to go out on the stage. Michelle noticed Harry’s behavior and frowned as she walked over to Niall.

“I wish he’d at least smile every now and then.” She mumbled, keeping her voice quiet so he wouldn’t hear.

Niall shook his head. “He hasn’t done that in a long time.”

“I know he loved her, but.. I really didn’t think it would affect him so much.”

“Are you kidding?” Niall was actually surprised by that. Maybe only he knew Harry on that deep of a level to know the truth. “He’s devastated. I had to force him to leave the house tonight.”

“I’ll never understand him. If she made things so much better, then why did he leave her?” Michelle, like the others, found this all hard to comprehend and so complex that it gave her a headache.

“I don’t even think he knows why he did it.” Niall said with a sigh, not sure what to say anymore.

When everything went down, Niall was the one to tell all of their friends that Harry had ended the relationship. He knew that Harry would never talk to anyone about it or fill them in any reasons why he did it, so he had to be the messenger. Everyone had their questions and curiosities, but Niall had no answers for them. That hasn’t changed.

Harry was in no way thrilled when the show started. He knew he had to do his job and play his role for the sake of his band mates - for his friends. It wasn’t a fun thing to do anymore. Breaking up with Ivy had caused everything in his life to change, everything was pointless. Despite not wanting to be here tonight, he performed like nothing was wrong and life was just so perfect. The songs seemed to speed by quicker than they had been during recent shows. Maybe he had gotten good at dissociating while on stage.

As they moved onto the third song, he felt a pinch in his chest. Ivy loved this song so much. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about her. He could easily picture her in front of the stage singing and dancing with a drink in her hand, cheering them on and bouncing around like she was having the time of her life. That joy and happiness was something he missed so much. Ever since he left her, a crater has formed in his heart. Nothing makes him smile, nothing makes him laugh, nothing is enjoyable or amusing. When he left her, he left all of his happiness with her.

Thinking about her while on the stage was dangerous. He could slip up with no warning, mess up the lyrics to a song or embarrass himself. He tried to fight it, tried to think about something else. Maybe if he just mindlessly scanned the crowd, his brain would focus on people’s features and not on memories of her. It was a challenge to think about anything else, especially as he sang the words to one of her favorite songs, but he was trying so hard. Now was not the time to get caught up on her, he had to focus on this performance. This was a job, after all, he can’t fall short.

The flashing lights made it hard to focus on anything in particular, but for a split second he thought he saw something familiar. It was a pair of bright blue eyes, a set of thick gloss covered lips, and long blonde hair that sparkled under the lights. No, it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head lightly, trying to get out of his head. He was dissociating so much that he was starting to imagine things that weren’t there. If he got too distracted, he’d mess up the song. It would be chaotic for everyone, he had to focus.

It made no sense anyway. Emma was in the front like she always was, and if she was accompanied by who Harry thought he saw, they’d be standing there together. It was just a trick on his eyes, it wasn’t real. He gripped the microphone stand as hard as he could, keeping his mind grounded in the performance and on nothing else. It was too risky to think about her while he was up here, while he had a job he had to do. Somehow, he managed to continue on with the show and get through it without messing anything up.

Unlike the recent times when they’ve done a show, Harry opted to actually stay and have a few drinks this time. Maybe just one, he drove himself here so he had to get home safely. He wasn’t too concerned with getting drunk, anyway, he just had to sit and think about what happened while he was on stage. If he could process it while being seated here and not on the road, he could avoid any dangerous situations. He didn’t join the others in the back room. He chose a random table in the front and sat down with his beer bottle.

It was easy for his mind to slip into thinking nonstop about her. Why did he imagine her in the crowd? It wasn’t like his mind created a delusion about her every day in other places. He was confused and frustrated. Maybe it was because this place holds a lot of memories between them. They had history here. He shook his head as he tried to sort through his circling thoughts.

Ever since he broke up with her, he’s tried his hardest to cope with his decision and make sense of it all. He tried to convince himself that it was the right thing, though in his heart he knew it wasn’t. There was no excuse that would be appropriate. He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have even mentioned anything about the bruises. He took it too far, and he was well aware of that. How many more nights does he have to spend staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to decipher his own thoughts? Was all of his own suffering worth any of this? What about Ivy? Her experience was way more important to him, and it occupied his mind constantly. No matter how hard he fought, she always won. Her face filled his mind, her voice pounded in his ears, her touch lingered on his skin - he thought about her every second of every day.

He was certain that she hated him, that she never wanted to speak to him again. There would be no fixing this. No words or amount of apologizing would make up for the stupid decision he made. He put his selfish thoughts first. He was embarrassed that other people knew about the marks he left on her. He was ashamed that he hurt her and people found out. He had ruined her and everyone knew.

But it couldn’t possibly be that serious? Ivy had no issue with the bruises. Sure, she might have said they were sore but she assured him over and over again that it was okay. He didn’t do it on purpose. He broke her heart on purpose, though. That haunts him daily. He wondered how many nights she cried herself to sleep or screamed into her pillows. Did she soak longer in her baths to try and rid her body of the pain? Did she turn to coping mechanisms that were dangerous? Did she believe she had done something wrong, that it was her fault? What was she doing to get through this, how was she living with it, was she going to be okay?

For the past week, he’s had a thought stuck in his mind that will not fade away. Even now, in the midst of all the chaos, it was the center of his thoughts. He wanted to apologize to her, no matter how difficult it might be or if it even worked. He wanted to drop to his knees and wrap his arms around her legs, cry against her thighs as he begged her to take him back. He wanted to grab her body, lock his arms tight around her waist and hold her close - assuring her he’d never do anything that idiotic ever again. He wanted to press his palms to her face and cradle her beautiful features, look into her sparkling eyes and repeat over and over how much he loved her.

Was it too late? Had he really done too much this time? There was no going back. There was no patching up holes or stitching this back together. He ruined her, and he ruined himself.

His trance was interrupted as his brain registered a familiar face. He huffed, rolling his eyes as Cory approached him. There was a smug expression on his face that Harry didn’t like. He was holding a cup, bringing it to his mouth to take a long drink as he stared down at Harry. It was an uncomfortable and awkward moment. Was there something he had to say? Why did he walk up like he ruled the room?

“What do you want?” He finally said, confused as to why Cory was staring at him that way.

“Guess who I just ran into.” Cory’s mouth shaped to a smirk as he grabbed Harry’s shoulder, giving him a hard squeeze.

“I don’t care.” Harry shrugged, furrowing his brows as he looked up at him from his chair.

Cory chuckled and threw his head back. His drunken state was obvious. Whatever he was referring to must be amusing.

“I think you’ll care.” Cory still had that malicious smile on his face - a face Harry was sick of looking at.

“Are you gonna tell me or just stare at me like a fucking creep?” Harry shoved his hand off his shoulder, not wanting to be touched or bothered anymore.

“Ivy’s here.” He said with a cocky tone. “Have you seen her?”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious. I just talked to her.” He threw his hands up in defense.

“Get out of my fucking face.”

The anger swirling in his mind was intense. He wanted to throw Cory through the wall. The thought of him even laying his eyes on Ivy was enough to make Harry fill with rage. Was he lying? Was she actually here, had he actually seen her from the stage? No, why should she be here? She hates him. There’s no way she’d put herself at risk like that, to be in the same room with him was not something she’d want. Or so, Harry thought.

“Hey, I’m just letting you know.” Cory knew he had struck a nerve, and it was an intentional attack, so he walked off.

He felt his heart tighten as his eyes moved back to stare into the crowd. She wasn’t here. That had to be a lie. Harry dipped back into his thoughts, but now they were filled with anger instead of sadness. That jealousy he reserved just for her was burning hot. If she were here, anyone could swoop in and make a move on her. That could be catastrophic for him. Ivy falling for someone else would lead to him having no purpose, no point of being on earth. He clenched his jaw at his own mind, somewhat annoyed that he was thinking that way. He wanted her to find someone knew, to find someone who could love her. If he wanted her forever, he shouldn’t have ruined his chance.

He decided that the one beer plan was not going to cut it. He pushed the chair back as he stood, his body turning to the direction of the bar. Just one more drink would be enough to ease his mind, he hoped. The crowd wasn’t as thick as it normally was, so he was glad he didn’t have to squeeze through too many people. It was somewhat odd to be in this part of the building after a show, he wasn’t used to the feeling of not pushing past the beaded curtain. Maybe it would be a good idea to slip into the back room and find the others.

Harry thought about that for a moment as he was approaching the bar, his hand reaching out for the back of an empty chair. If he were with his friends, they could serve as a distraction. He could focus on whatever they were saying or doing and stop thinking so damn much about Ivy.

It was almost like magic. The second he thought her name, his head shifted and his eyes caught sight of something wondrous. He gripped the back of the chair as hard as he could, his knuckles turning pale white as he realized what he saw was real this time. There she was - standing just a few feet past the end of the bar. Her long, shiny hair was flowing down her back. A tight, black dress covered her body - the neckline plunging down her chest. He swallowed harshly as he took in every detail he could make out from his distance. He truly never thought he’d see her again. Somehow, he believed they’d never cross paths and he’d avoid her for the rest of his life. If they were in the same place at the same time, was that supposed to be a sign? He let go of the chair, his fingers sliding off the metal as he leaned his body to get a better look at her.

This was when he noticed what she was actually doing. There was an uncomfortable look on her face. Her brows were slightly furrowed and her lips were faking a smile. He felt his blood start to rush through his veins. There were two men talking to her, standing side by side as they gave her hard stares. Harry’s hand folded into a fist as he glared at the unsettling scenario playing out. What if she knew those people and she was being friendly with them? He huffed and tore his eyes away, opting to stare at the floor. He couldn’t over react, couldn't intervene just because it was her. The thought of running to her side just to embarrass her in front of people she knew was enough to keep his feet grounded.

Of course, that jealous feeling was flooding his body and it wasn’t long before his eyes moved back to her. He kept his focus on the two men, both of which looked like they had nothing but bad intentions. One thing he had been working on lately was controlling himself. Right now, it was a challenge, but he had to remain calm. Lashing out and overstepping would not make things any better between them. He was afraid he was misreading the situation, though. What if she didn’t know these men and they were trying to coerce her? The thought of her getting hurt because he didn’t step in was making him sick to his stomach.

It was like it was an answered prayer. One of the men reached his hand out to touch her elbow. She jerked her arm back, taking a few steps away from them while still keeping her focus. Harry felt his stomach churn - she didn’t know them. She was in a sticky situation and he had to get her out of it. No matter what the consequences may be, he had to do it.

As he hastily walked towards her, he wasn’t sure what his approach was going to be. Would he push the guys back and start a physical fight, or would he inject himself into the conversation and get her away from them? He knew what he wanted to do - and that was shove them through the wall. Ivy wouldn’t want that, though. She wouldn’t want him to hurt anyone or get hurt himself. He had to remember that, had to remind himself that he was doing this for her sake, not his own.

Harry was only a few feet away when Ivy suddenly turned her head, never expecting to see him coming her way. She was considering an escape route to the back room to find the group when he just appeared in front of her like a guardian angel. She gasped, her eyes went wide as she realized he was coming to her. She didn’t just see him by happenstance, he was walking directly to her. The expression on his face was evident that he was angry. For some reason, it was a relief for her. He slowed to a stop as he reached her, and what she said was more concerning than what he witnessed. She really was uncomfortable.

Ivy put on a bright smile and nervously laughed. “I’ve been looking for you. You ran off.”

Harry picked up on her intentions almost instantly, continuing the lie to try and remove her from the situation. “Had to swing by the restroom.”

The moment his lips turned to a smile, her heart stopped beating. Was it a fake one just to ease the tension, or was that a real one? She hoped it was real. Harry gently touched the small of her back, not sure what she was comfortable with him doing. Even though their undiscussed plan was working, he didn’t want to cross any lines. His eyes landed on the two men, who were still standing there as if he hadn’t shown up.

“May I help you?” Harry asked, trying to contain his anger.

“We, uh, were just talking.” The guy on the right said, his gaze still planted on her face.

“You can walk away now.” Harry nodded, sort of pleased with his self control.

He turned towards Ivy, his arm snaking around her waist as he leaned down to her ear. She reached for his hip as he moved them a few feet over, trying to distance her from the strangers.

“Are they bothering you?”

The platform heels she had strapped to her feet made her taller than what he was used to, but it was still adorable to see her push herself up to speak into his ear. “Yeah. They keep asking me to dance. I don't want to. Will you make them go away?”

Hearing her soft voice was enough to make his heart explode. He missed her so much, and not being able to properly greet her was making him somewhat sad. However, he was glad he was able to intervene. Even if she wanted him to leave her alone after, he knew he had done something good.

Ivy leaned back, her pretty eyes gazing up at him as she gripped the fabric of his shirt. Harry wanted to lock his lips with hers, get lost in the taste of her mouth and the feeling of her warm skin on his. He slowly blinked, trying to pull himself out of that place. She peered past him, her brows dropping as she realized the two people were still standing there. Harry saw the worry on her face, so he secured his hand on her waist before turning to face him.

“I said, walk away.. before I make you.”

It was for the best that two men gave up their efforts. Harry was ready to pounce on them, slam his fists into their faces and make them regret ever walking through the front entrance. Once they were out of sight, he turned back to face Ivy, a soft smile covering his lips as he saw her blushing cheeks.

“Saving me again, hm?” She said with a cock of her brow, her lips forming a smirk.

He couldn’t help but take notice of the lip gloss coating them. “Seems like you haven’t stopped getting into trouble.”

Ivy shrugged, laughing softly. “I’m good at that, I guess.”

Harry stared at her for a long moment, admiring the small details he missed the most. She didn’t know what to say, so she just stayed quiet and watched as his eyes slowly moved over her features. She hoped that he wouldn’t run away, that maybe they could talk for a few minutes. Would that be too much to ask? Did he even want to talk to her, or was he just jumping in to literally save the day? She was afraid to know the truth.

His hand fell from her body. She felt the warmth leave and instantly her skin felt like a frozen lake. She missed him more than anything, and gosh, his touch was something she had dreamt of feeling again for weeks. Her bottom lip was quivering as she replayed every memory she shared with him in her mind. Flashes of the good - the kissing, the laughing, the cuddling - mixed with the bad - his silence, the hurtful comments he made, the arrogance he displayed. Everything was combined. She realized early on that she couldn’t love the good bits of him without loving, or at least understanding, the bad.

“I’ll, um, leave you alone now. I just had to make sure you were okay.” He finally spoke, his feet moving backwards as he gently pulled her hand off his body.

She broke free from his grip and grabbed his wrist, tugging him back to her. He sighed, shaking his head before she even said anything. Her other hand splayed over his chest, her starry eyes pouring into his.

“Don’t, Harry.”

“Ivy.” He looked away from her.

She grunted, grabbing his jaw to angle his face back. “Don’t go, please, not yet.”

As much as he wanted to sweep her off her feet and carry her to his house, he knew that was not going to happen. Harry tried to pull free from her grasp, but she sunk her nails into his skin before he could get away. A sigh slipped out of his mouth, he didn’t want to fight with her.

“We don’t need to do this.” He said with a frown, it was hard to spit the words out but she had to hear them.

The tears swelling in her eyes felt like daggers to his chest. He was going to crush her soul again, ruin any ounce of joy or happiness she had in her. He was going to ruin her and destroy her more than he already had. This destruction was heartbreaking.. he wanted it to stop.

“Harry, I just wanna.. hug you. Please. Just once.” Ivy blurted out as he tried to get away again.

“Ivy.” He closed his eyes as her thumb pushed into his dimple. She was still holding onto his face.

The fact that they were in a crowded bar right now yet they both felt like the world had frozen around them was surreal. If a connection is this strong, is really worth severing it forever? Harry held his breath as her hand slowly inched down to the side of his neck. She loved to touch him there.

“Please. Then.. I’ll leave you alone for good. I’ll never come back here.” Her voice was fragile, he could hardly hear over the music - but they were standing closer than either of them realized.

“This isn’t a good idea.”

“Give this to me, please. Harry. Just this one thing. You.. you took so much.. please, give me this.” Her words made him feel more guilty.

It was true. He had taken everything from her. He build a relationship with her and chose to snatch it all away. He set his jaw as his eyes locked with hers. It felt like an eternity had passed, but it had only been seconds. Ivy’s flushed skin and gentle eyes caused his heart to skip a beat. Despite it all, she was somehow able to keep this innocent, delicate girl alive. It would partially heal his wounds to have her arms wrapped around his torso, her body molded with his as he held her tight. He craved that more than anything, and it was obvious she did, too. He had stolen so much from her, he couldn’t take this.

Without speaking, he gave her a nod and jolted forward as she threw her arms over his neck. He was surprised she hugged him this way, usually she liked to hold his waist. It wasn’t a big deal, if she wanted it then she’d get it this way. Harry put his arms around her as his face sunk into her neck. He felt like time had stopped and everything around them was silent. There was no music blaring from the speakers in the ceilings, no strangers dancing and walking around them, no group of friends waiting in the back room curious to know where he was. Everything disappeared.

They held each other for a long few minutes, both of them savoring the feelings. Ivy had her eyes squeezed shut as she took in the familiar smell she missed so much. The feeling of her fingers slipping into his hair was enough to make his heart pound out of his chest. If this was going to be the last time he ever saw her, then he wanted it to last. He wanted her body to make impressions on his. He wanted to remember every curve, every dip, every bone, every piece of hair - everything. He wanted to cherish this. When he decided to hug her, he thought he would keep his mouth shut and just let her have this moment. But that was not the case. As the smell of her favorite perfume filled his nose, and he felt her pulse under her skin, he lost that self control.

“I’m sorry for everything. I’ll love you forever, okay?” His words made her skin tingle.

She tightened her grip, fearful that he would slip away any second. She didn’t want this to come to an end. Maybe if she held him tighter, he’d stay a bit longer. As much as he wanted to stay glued to her body, he knew it had to stop. With a sigh, he started to lean up. She whined, but he fought her strength easily. Her arms felt weak as her hands fell to his neck.

“Harry.”

He gave her a gentle shake of his head. “Please stay out of trouble.”

“Wait, just a second.” She grabbed his jaw, pulling his face down to hers in a swift move.

The second her lips touched his, he froze with his hands still on her waist. This was something he missed so much, feeling her soft lips and kissing her like there was no tomorrow. It was the thing they did most together. But now was not the time, they weren’t together anymore.

Ivy’s lips puckered and pushed into his. He found himself giving in to her, allowing her to kiss him and hold it for what felt like ages. His thumbs rubbed over the fabric of her dress, no thoughts seemed to occupy his mind. He was lost in this moment with her.

When she peeled her mouth off his, she opened her eyes and met his furrowed brow stare. She gave him a soft, sweet smile as her skin flushed and her heart jumped around in her chest. Maybe it was the one thing she needed, in addition to the hug, that would heal her. She thought nothing would ever help her get over him, but maybe this was what she really needed. A real goodbye.

“I didn’t get to kiss you goodbye last time.” She said with a sad voice. “It doesn’t have to be goodbye now.”

Harry squeezed her body, knowing it would be the last time he got to feel her. He dropped his hands and took a step back. “This has to be goodbye.”

Ivy wasn’t quite ready to lose the connection, despite thinking that kiss would be some sort of magic cure. She grabbed his hand and closed the small distance they shared. Harry didn’t want to keep doing this, but he didn’t dare pull away from her.

“Can.. can we talk? For just.. a few minutes outside?”

He was going to protest, but as she batted her eyelashes and poked her lips out in a pout, he felt his hard front start to crumble. That beautiful, innocent face she was so good at making was incredibly hard for him to go against. She knew how to get her way with him, and he always fell for it. He sighed, glancing around as he remembered where they were.

“A few minutes. Then I have to go.”

A smile grew on her lips and she felt like kissing him again, but she chose not to overdo it. Without saying anything, she started tugging him behind her as she headed for the front door. Was this a stupid idea? Probably so. This defeated his entire point of ending things with her. He didn’t want to intervene anymore, he didn’t want to get in the way, he didn’t want to ruin her life, he didn’t want to be a bother - yet, he’s letting her drag him outside so they talk even longer.

As they weaved through people to get to the door, he couldn’t help but wonder what all she was thinking. Was she just as conflicted by all of this as he was? What was her goal from this? Did she just want to get her feelings out and yell at him about how he ruined her life? He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he never once let her hand go.

The breeze hit them as they stepped outside. Ivy looked over towards the bench out front and felt relieved when she saw it was unoccupied. She guided him over there, her quick walking had slowed and her heart wasn’t racing as quickly. They were outside in the fresh air with the stars shining bright above them. The muffled sound of the music from inside and the cars on the roads were the only sounds.

It was sort of poetic that they ended up at the same bench they were on the last time they talked things over. The circumstances were much different. Harry sat down next to her and gulped softly as she let go of his hand. Her eyes were moving over his body as she realized she could see him much better out here. He couldn’t help but to smile as she reached over to touch his right arm. She ran her fingertips over the ink of his tattoo - one she hadn’t seen before. Her brows knitted together as she outlined the shape, trying to convince herself that it wasn’t real.

“Still a curious little cat.” Harry’s deep voice rattled through her, making her heart shake.

She missed the way it sounded, and it was much different hearing it without the sound of music and voices surrounding them. Her eyes flickered to his for just a moment. The dark ink embedded into his skin looked fresh, but it was definitely healed. She slid her fingers over his elbow, wanting to see how far the design twisted around him. He adjusted his arm, showing her that it crawled further on his skin.

Her voice was soft. “Are these.. ivy leaves?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you get this.. for me?” Her eyes shot to his.

Harry smiled. “Of course, silly. Who else?”

“Why?”

He took a deep breath. He never thought he’d see her again and have to explain this to her, but it wasn’t that hard. It was mostly a pride thing. Was it a bad thing to admit the truth to her? It was obvious what the tattoo symbolized, that was something he’d never be able to lie about.

“I wanted to have a piece of you forever.” He told her, sighing lightly. “Something to remember.”

Ivy wasn’t sure what to say, so she just rubbed her fingertips over the design for a bit longer. She thought it was a sweet gesture. He chose to mark his body with something that would always represent her, something that would stay with him for the rest of his life. It would be much easier for them to just be together, that way she’d always be there. But she was sure that would never happen. Maybe the tattoo was his way of moving on. Though, if he had moved on, he wouldn’t be sitting on the bench with her now.

“Harry, can we talk about.. about us breaking up?” She shifted her eyes to his, pulling her hand away from his arm.

“Ivy, there’s nothing either of us can say.”

“There’s a lot we can say.” She frowned, then corrected herself. “There’s a lot you can say.”

His body felt heavier, like something was weighing down on him. “I don’t think we-“

“You owe me an explanation. A real one.” She grabbed his thigh, her pretty eyes pleading with him.

“I already told you why.”

“No, that isn’t good enough.”

He pushed out a huff, irritated by her persistence. “What do you expect me to say, then?”

“The truth.” She shrugged, not trying to make this any harder than it had to be.

“Ivy.” His voice almost sounded like a groan.

“Please, Harry. It’s killing me. Just tell me.”

Something about the way she frowned and dug her fingers into his leg made him soften even more. The girl deserved a better explanation than the shitty one he gave her. Whether he told her the full truth or not, he could at least tell her something closer to the truth.

“I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.” He couldn’t look at her as the thoughts raced in his mind.

He chose to stare up at the stars. Ivy loved to do that. Sometimes they would go for evening walks just so they could stargaze. She would even look out of the window before bed to get a glimpse of the moon. The girl loved the sky, and in his eyes she was as beautiful as those sparkling stars. Whenever he looked, he always thought about her.

“Just tell me. It’s okay.”

If he told her the truth, it could potentially make things worse for them. Right now, they weren’t together and where they ended things was patchy, but it wasn’t that bad. This could possibly change things and send them both into a spiral. If he didn’t word it correctly, she would get upset and not understand where he was coming from. He shook his head, not wanting to speak anymore but he knew he had to. Ivy meant the world to him, even during the two months they were apart. He never stopped thinking about her, dreaming about her, wondering about her - he never forgot her. How could he? She created so much joy and happiness in his life, she made him a better person. He ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.

“Having sex with you was.. very complicated for me.”

She swallowed as a lump started to form in her throat. She was afraid to know what that actually meant, but she knew she had to ask for clarity. Maybe he wasn’t sexually attracted to her body and it was hard for him to deal with it? Perhaps it was too challenging of a task to do it. Ivy mustered up her courage and prepared to take the worst.

“What do you mean?”

Harry breathed out. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

“Are you not.. attracted to me?” The pitch in her voice went up, making his heart sink.

“Ivy, I just said it’s not you.” He placed his hand over hers, realizing that he wasn’t giving her any sort of affection. “M’sorry. I.. I just don’t want you to think I’m insulting you or.. or saying that I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Then explain it to me.” She stacked her other hand on top of his, the warmth of her skin engulfing him.

“It’s a lot, Ivy.” Each time he said her name, his stomach did a flip.

“I can keep up.”

As she started to circle her thumb on his skin, he felt the tension in his body break up and fizzle out. She had a way of doing things to him. She was the only person who could calm him down or make him feel all mushy inside. Even now, as they sit outside the bar under the stars, she was in control.

He thought for a long minute about how to approach this. He knew he had to avoid certain words while still choosing ones that explained how he felt. Maybe he was going to be alright if he stayed honest and truthful. There was nothing bad that he was going to say about her, it was all about him. The past two months allowed for a lot of soul searching time, and he uncovered some hidden feelings and realized a lot.

“I never had sex and felt emotional about it before you. Like, I.. I didn’t feel any connection. But you changed that.” His gaze fell from the stars and landed on their hands. “It’s hard to.. to control. It’s so hard for me to understand. I..” He was jumbled up, his brain was so foggy.

Ivy wanted to jump in and tell him she understood how difficult it can be to comprehend those things, but she knew she needed to let him get it all out first. She wiggled her fingers in between his, staring at the side of his face as she waited patiently for him to continue.

“Doing that with you was incredible and.. and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold back. It’s like I’m fighting between wanting to just get myself off and wanting to make you feel good.” His voice fell to a soft tone, almost a mumble. “I didn’t want to try something new and end up hurting you or be too rough with you.”

The statements he was making made sense to her, even when she was sure they weren’t making any sense to him. Harry had never been in a serious relationship, or even an unserious one, before they met. Things happened quickly between them, despite the back and forth they went through before admitting their feelings. It took a while for Ivy to understand her emotions in the beginning, and it seemed like he faced the same challenge, too. She stayed quiet as her eyes burned through his cheek. She couldn’t help but to stare at the dimple poking into his skin as he spoke.

“I never cared about the other person. Never thought about their pleasure. I didn’t care if I made them happy or not. But.. with you.. that became all I wanted to do. I was afraid I’d lose that.. that I’d do something that was too much.”

Ivy frowned, feeling sad about how he experienced this. “Harry, there’s nothing wrong with that. I.. I know things with me were new for you, and they were new for me, too, but.. but I don’t think we should’ve ended it because of that.”

He finally turned his head to look at her. “It's not just that. When we had sex, it was like I needed to hear you.. tell me you were satisfied. Like.. It’s complicated for me to even understand. I don’t know if I can explain it right.”

The eye contact didn’t last long. He felt ashamed and he couldn’t face her any longer. His eyes fell down his lap where his hand still rested between both of hers. What more could he say?

“You care more about making me happy and doing the right thing than you do about your own pleasure. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

It was hard for her to fully understand what he was going through, but it made sense. She had to remind herself that he definitely had struggles when it came to expressing his emotions. If he was getting an intense rush of emotion during their intimacy, then it was reasonable to see why he would feel this way. Maybe she could do something to change that, to make it easier. Would he let her try to help? She feared he would never want to see her again after tonight.

“With you it’s.. it’s so different.. it’s like I need your.. your validation. I liked it when.. when you were in control, when you said certain things to me. I dunno it’s embarrassing I.. I didn’t want to tell you.”

It sort of explained a lot of things. With Ivy, he was so willing to give up his dominance and let her do whatever she wanted. Whether it was while she was on his lap kissing him or when she wanted to change their choice of movie - anything she wanted, he gave to her. His intimidating and hard nature was always there, but it easily subsided when they were alone.

“Harry, nothing that you want or need should feel embarrassing.” She lifted her hand to his jaw to angle his head back towards her.

“Well, it is.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s stupid.” He furrowed his brows, confused as to why she wasn’t upset by all of this.

“It’s not stupid.” She whispered while fighting the urge to place kisses all over his face to calm him down.

“I shouldn’t need you to tell me I did a good job. It sounds childish.” He felt his cheeks warming up as her eyes stared through him.

“It’s not about doing a good job. I get it, Harry. You wanted to make sure I was okay and happy.” Ivy was more understanding than he ever imagined she would be.

For most of his life, as long as he could remember, he had this tall, thick wall built up around him to keep people out. He was rude, he was inconsiderate, he was easily irritated. He didn’t care about anyone else. The way he lived his life was solely for his own pleasure. Ivy changed all of that. The moment he laid his eyes on her for the first time, his entire world changed. She shifted everything. She destroyed that wall without even trying. Maybe because it happened so fast, he was unable to keep up. Or maybe he was just being stubborn.

“Saying all this out loud makes it sound.. fucking stupid. Like I.. I ruined what we had over something stupid.” Harry felt his heart melting as her thumb toyed at the corner of his mouth. That was something she used to do often, something he missed tremendously.

“Like you said, it’s complicated and hard to put into words.” Her voice was so soft and light. She wanted to stay as calm and supportive as she could. “But I get it, Harry. The whole relationship thing was something new for you.. and I know it was probably hard to navigate it. I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job at being there for you.”

Harry let out a grunt. He didn’t want her to take the blame for this, even if it was just a small piece. He reached up to grab her wrist, she thought he was going to pull her hand down but he just wanted to hold on to her.

“No, Ivy, don’t say that. You were everything I needed. It was all my fault. I was ashamed and embarrassed. It made me feel weak.” He took a pause, not certain if he should continue. She deserved the full truth. “But.. but I’ve realized that being in love is not a weakness. I’m glad I cared so much and that I made sure you enjoyed it. I.. I guess I didn’t focus enough on caring about other things.. I’m sorry.”

As she watched his lips fall to a frown and his eyes slightly water over, she knew he was being honest. His genuine feelings were being shown. He was being the Harry she knew and loved, the one she missed so much. She slid her hand over his ear and into his hair.

Ivy leaned closer, her voice dropped to a whisper. “You don’t have to say sorry.”

“Yes, I do.” He mumbled back, guilt piling up inside of him.

How could she ever forgive him? What could he possibly do to ever make up for all the destruction and chaos he caused? They were a lost cause, he was sure of it.

“I don’t ever want you to feel embarrassed about any of that ever again, okay? I.. I don’t want you to think your feelings don’t matter.” She felt tears forming in her eyes, but she tried to stay strong. He needed her support.

When he didn’t answer, her stomach started to churn. She worried that it was too late to try and work this out. Was this something that really bothered him, something that he was too ashamed of to try and figure out? If he didn’t want to do that with her, then that meant he had no intention of them ever seeing each other again after tonight. The thought of him disappearing again, this time for good, made her want to empty her stomach on the ground. Ivy took a deep breath and jumped off the cliff she had been hanging onto this whole time. She

“If you want to try again, we can. I’ll do whatever it takes.” She said with a smile, hoping that would sway him to her side.

He let go of her arm, his hand landing back in his lap. “I don’t think we should get back together.”

“Harry, don’t.. don’t say that.” She couldn’t prevent the tear that slipped down her cheek.

He watched it roll over her skin until it dripped off her jaw. “Ivy, it’s not your job to fix me or take care of me.”

“I love you. When you love someone, you do whatever it takes to help them and support them. I’ll do anything you need me to, Harry.”

“It’s too much to deal with.” His mumrmured words made her heart ache.

She placed her other hand on his face to keep a hold of him. He moved his eyes from her face, not wanting to look at how much he had upset her. She wasn’t sobbing, but tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. She was too beautiful to cry, yet he had made her feel that way yet again. He was no good, why didn’t she see that?

“Let me love you, Harry. Why do you try so hard to stop me? It hasn’t worked.. it’ll never work. I love you.” She was running out of things to say that she hadn’t said before. She was afraid nothing would work.

“I love you.” Harry’s eyes shifted back to hers. He had a great deal of sadness written all over him. “But, Ivy-“

She acted on her earlier desire and started to pepper kisses across his skin. It shut him up, only because he was surprised by how wild his heart went as he felt her lips. She had a way of making him lose his mind. He sighed, trying to stop her as he uttered her name out a few times, but she kept going. Her lips covered his cheek and jaw, sticky lip gloss pecks trailing over his skin. He held his breath as her mouth found his. She didn’t hesitate to lock their lips together and pick up where they left off.

This was a horrible decision and he should stop her now before things get carried away. But he couldn’t find the strength to stop her. He didn’t really want to, after all. That wall had fallen to the ground again. Ivy controlled him in ways that might not make sense to anyone else, but it made perfect sense to him. Anything the girl wanted, he was going to give her.

They kissed for what they both believed was hours. Everything was quiet around them, nothing existed aside from them. It was like all the other times when they slip into these fantastical realms - they were the only two people who mattered. Ivy kept her hands gentle on him, not wanting to dig her nails in his skin or feel too greedy. He wanted to feel her body more, but he didn’t dare reach for her. He was still apprehensive about all of this. What if something worse happened between them, something he couldn’t explain to her in complicated strands of words and worries? What if she didn’t understand it and she gave up on him? All of it would have been for nothing. That was another problem he had, thinking too far ahead of the moment. He shut his mind off and enjoyed what was happening now.

As Ivy pulled back, his hand sneaked onto her waist. He didn’t want her to slip away just yet. Harry wasn’t considering any consequences or future possibilities as he started to pull on her body, suggesting she switch seats. A giggle slipped out of her mouth as she climbed onto his lap, her legs on either side of him as her hands stayed glued to his cheeks. She tilted his head back, his hair falling over his shoulders as she towered over him.

“I missed you.” She said through a soft mumble, her eyes drilling holes through him.

He smirked, always in awe of how adorable she could look while doing something provocative. “I missed you.”

Ivy brushed her lips over his, teasing him as she kept her words in whispers. “We should spend the night together.”

He chuckled. “Hm.”

“You know you want to.” She cocked a brow, her lips shaping to a cheeky grin.

Harry gripped her waist as tight as he could. “This isn’t a good idea, y’know.”

She shook her head, rolling her eyes as she grabbed his chin with her thumb and index finger. “Shh. We’ll worry about that later.”

“Ivy.”

“Let me love you.” She repeated, this time her dominance shined through. She gave him a serious look, something about it made his heart race.

“If you say so, baby.” Harry smiled, finally giving in to her desires.

He ran his hands lower on her body, covering her hips as he sat up. Their bodies were pushed together again, this time he was the one being the tease. He shifted his lap beneath her, letting her feel the growing bulge in his pants.

“Do you want to go dance for a while?”

She rested her forehead on his. “You know what I want to do, Harry.”

Neither of them quite understood what was happening. One minute they were here alone, Harry never imagining he’d see her and Ivy thinking it would’ve been harder to find him than it actually was - and the next minute they were walking hand in hand through the parking lot. There was a quick pace in his step, and she had to walk hastily to keep up. It was evident that something else was going to happen tonight, and they were both extremely ready for that to unfold.

When they arrived at his place, they both rushed out of the car and hurried to the door. The car ride had actually been pretty silent. The only thing she did was hold his hand in her lap as he drove, her eyes staring down at his tanned skin. She missed the feeling of his fingers and his nails and his rings - she missed everything about him. Ivy could feel the greed creeping through her body. She wanted to touch him, wanted to grab him, and have control of him. Before they got through the door, she was holding onto his elbow and trying her best to get her lips on his. He was chuckling, mumbling about how she needed to be patient. Just as he turned the lock on the door, she tugged him against her and found his mouth. He never thought she’d be back in his living room, let alone with her lips locked with his.

He kissed for a minute, then pulled back to suggest they go upstairs. She wasn’t happy about stopping the kiss, but she knew they had to eventually make it up to his room. She remembered what he told her on the bench. He wanted her to be in control, he liked it when she behaved that way and took the lead. So, she did just that. She grabbed his hand and started dragging him to the stairs.

As they stumbled into his room, his hands reached for her body and he started to peel her dress off, discarding it on the floor. She laughed softly, amused by his eagerness. Ivy grabbed him by his torso and shoved him into the back of the door. He had a hunger in his eyes that lit a fire in her stomach. He wanted her so bad. She batted her lashes, playing all cute and innocent with him.

“Take this off.” She said softly, her fist pulling on the fabric of his shirt.

He did as she asked, throwing it near her dress once it was removed. Ivy couldn't resist running her eyes down his chest, over his toned body. She furrowed her brows gently, realizing that he looked slightly different. It wasn’t in a bad way, actually it was a good thing. She assumed he spent time in the gym during their separation. She wasn’t complaining.

Harry felt a shudder race down his spine as she rubbed the tips of her fingers over the tattoo placed on his stomach. He spent two long months dreaming about feeling her touch again, now it was coming true. Ivy wasn’t sure where her confidence came from, perhaps it was because Harry was so vulnerable with her earlier. If he could be that open, then she could be this courageous, too. He didn’t expect her to tackle the button and zipper of his jeans, but he didn’t dare stop her as she palmed him through his jeans.

“Ivy.” He mumbled just as she yanked his clothes down, her hand grabbing his hard cock.

“Shh.” She gave him a lustful look. “I want to.”

They only had sex twice before, and both times he didn’t bother with her going down on him or fooling with him at all. It wasn’t about that when it came to her. It wasn’t his goal to feel that pleasure or excitement, he wanted her to have it all. But he’d be lying to himself if he said that seeing her pumping his cock with her pretty eyes staring at him was a bad thing. He liked this version of her, it was incredibly hot.

“Fuck.” He breathed out as he watched her sink to her knees.

Her eyes stayed glued to his face as she brought the tip of his cock to her lips. He fought the urge to squeeze his eyes shut so he could watch her take it in her mouth. She looked heavenly as she pressed a kiss to the slit, then carefully poked her tongue out. His knees felt weak as he witnessed it. He believed this was the most glorious thing he’d ever seen.

Ivy was basing her actions off his cues, and so far he seemed to enjoy what she was doing. She decided to not tease him any further, at least for now, and close her lips around the first inch of him. His heart was beating rapidly, threatening to bust out of his chest. The warmth of her mouth combined with the wetness of her tongue made his stomach twitch. This girl was going to be the death of him.

“Look so gorgeous doing this, baby.” He reached for her scalp, his fingers combing her hair out of her face.

She released him after a hard suck. “Thank you.”

He shook his head in disbelief, she was about to make him bust just by looking at him. She stuck him back in her mouth, this time swirling her tongue and making a mess with her spit. Harry wasn't sure how much more he could handle. It hadn’t even been a minute and he’s already on the edge. She shoved him further in, but not too much. She was not experienced with this, so she didn’t want to overdo it too quickly. Harry was fine with the arrangement, it was about to kill him anyway. She flattened her tongue and held him in her mouth for a long moment, her eyes closed as she held back any reflexes. It was easier than she thought it would be, though. As her eyes popped open, he jolted lightly. This was overwhelming in the best way possible. He kept hold of her hair as she took a quick breath and did it again, going just a smidge further this time. It was enough to drive him insane. He gently pulled her head back, his other hand reaching down to touch her cheek.

“M’sorry, I.. I need a break.” His breathy words made her giggle.

Of course he could last longer than this, but since it was their first time doing it he was experiencing a higher level of pleasure than he ever had before. Nobody had made him feel this good from just two minutes. Ivy had spit covering her lips, pooling in the corners of her mouth. He wiped his thumb over her chin, ridding her skin of some of the mess.

“Was that okay?” She asked quietly, her starry eyes peering up at him.

“It was fucking amazing, kitten.” He helped her to her feet, his arm snaking around her to pull her close. “One more second and I would’ve came.”

She placed her hand on his neck, her lips turning to a smirk. “Next time, I’m not stopping so soon.”

“Next time?” He lifted his brows, smiling as he moved his lips to hers.

“Don’t play games with me, Harry.” She teased, her teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

He grunted as she swiftly slipped out of his hold. She walked backwards to his bed, her eyes never leaving his as she gave him a flirty grin. He was still trying to decode all of this. Was it even real or was his mind playing a sick trick on him? She sat down on the edge, her leg sticking out as she nodded towards her foot.

“Mind helping me?” She asked, wiggling her foot in the air.

Harry expected no less of her. Whenever she wore heels with buckles, he always helped her remove them. She could easily do it herself, yet every time she asked he would drop to his knees and take care of it. Just like now. He crossed the room and squatted down, taking a careful hold of her ankle. She watched as he slid the strap out of the buckle and pulled it off her foot. When he tossed it down, she sighed and poked her toes into his arm.

“Be careful. I love these shoes.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded, fully aware that dropping the shoes to the floor wouldn’t hurt them at all - but he’d do whatever she told him to do.

The second her other shoe was gone, he pushed her back on the bed and laughed as she crawled to the middle, her knees digging into the mattress as she waited for him. He climbed on the bed, his big hands grabbing her waist on either side. She took his face between her hands and guided his lips to hers. He wanted to lay her down and melt into her, but right now she was fixated on swapping their spit. He let her do it for as long as she wanted.

His fingers danced up her back until he found the clasp of her bra. He started to mess with it until it came undone. She pulled it off her arms and let it hit the floor. There was nothing he wanted to do more than worship her body, so he let his desires take over. He gently nudged her until she fell back, her laugh filling his ears as he climbed above her.

“Fuck, I missed you so much.” He mumbled into her neck as he started a trail of kisses below her ear.

Ivy ran her hands through his hair, the feeling of his locks sliding over her skin was magical. It had been ages since she felt him like this, and she was so glad the drought was over. He peppered kisses on her skin until he reached her chest, then he gently took her nipple in his mouth. She was sensitive there and he knew doing too much would overstimulate her. By the soft moans and gentle breaths she kept releasing, he knew he was doing everything right. A woman like her should be praised, not treated like an object - and that was his goal. Please her, treat her, make her feel good. He journeyed over her stomach, where he made sure to leave plenty of kisses behind, then down to the thin waistband of her underwear. He took it between his teeth, pulling it off her skin for just a moment. Her back arched up, her eyes closing as she felt his warm lips start to peck down her covered slit. He was being extra gentle and slow, and it was creating incredible sensations for her. Maybe it was because it had been so long since she felt him, or anything, down there.

“Harry.” She whispered as he hooked his fingers in her panties, leaning up so he could remove them.

“Gonna make you feel so good, kitten.” He told her with a proud smirk, adjusting back down between her legs.

He wrapped his arms around her thighs, pulling her body forward so he could get better access. She whined quietly, her hand reaching down for the top of his head. The second he swiped his tongue through her, her head fell to the side on the pillow and her eyes closed. It was possibly better than it had been before. She wasn’t sure if she was exaggerating the feelings or not. It didn’t matter, she was easily losing herself in bliss.

Her taste filled his mouth and he couldn’t be happier. He quickly started to do the things he remembered she liked the most. She quite enjoyed the way he’d suck her clit into his mouth and flick the tip of his tongue over it as fast as he could - that drove her wild. And of course, he didn’t forget how she reacted to his tongue poking into her entrance. It always made her squeal and tug his hair harder. He did whatever he could to make her feel good, and it was working. She was moaning and uttering his name over and over, trying to stop herself from reaching her orgasm so fast - but it was too hard to control. She was closer than she wanted to be this soon.

“Fuck, Harry.” She groaned, her fingers scratching his scalp as he ate her out like she was his final meal. He’d be satisfied if that were the case.

It went on for another minute as she tried to hold on to it. But when it happened, it came rushing out of her like flood waters. Her toes curled and her other hand gripped the sheet as hard as she could. Moans filled the room as he slowed down his movements. He didn’t want to overdo it. He placed a kiss to her clit before lifting himself up.

“Talk to me, baby.” He mumbled as his face buried in the side of her neck.

She grabbed his waist, her fingers were gentle now compared to the clawing they were just doing. “So good, Harry.”

“Yeah? You always taste so good, hm?” He smirked against her neck, feeling her skin flushing against his was lighting him on fire. “Pretty baby.”

“I want you, please.”

He lifted his head, his eyes finding hers. “Be patient.”

She playfully rolled her eyes. “Now.”

They shared a quick kiss before he shifted over to get a condom out of his nightstand. Ivy kept hold of him as he tore open the package. As he leaned up to slide it over his cock, she watched his face closely. She wondered what he was thinking. Was there something he wanted to do differently? He told her he wanted to do more with her but he was too afraid to try. She thought maybe he’d be willing to try tonight. When he grabbed himself to line up with her entrance, she reached out for his hand. He thought she just wanted to hold it, so he gave it to her. Ivy smiled, squeezing his hand tight to get his attention.

“We can do whatever you want. Whichever way, okay?” She said with a smile, his eyes flicked to her immediately.

“No, Ivy-“

She cut him off. “Shh, Harry. How do you want me?”

Hearing the words come from her mouth felt surreal. He never imagined this would happen again, never thought he’d get a chance to do anything else with her. He shook his head, mostly at himself, for thinking about certain things. Some of his ideas were too rough, too harsh for her - or at least, he believed they were. The last thing he wanted to do during their reunion was hurt her even more. She rubbed her thumb over his skin, encouraging him with a sweet smile. He adored the way her cheeks were blushed over.

“Harry.”

He sighed when she said his name in that slightly demanding tone. She wanted him to answer her, and she wanted the truth. He swallowed, his eyes trailing over her body as he thought about how he could pleasure her. It was sort of conflicting to think about different positions that he liked, because it felt like he was imagining previous situations with other people. He tried to ignore that and just make a decision before her stare burned actual holes through him.

“Promise you’ll tell me if you don’t like it?”

Ivy was pleased to hear that he was complying with her. “Yes, I promise.”

“Turn over for me.” He told her as he patted his hand against the outside of her thigh.

Although this would mean they wouldn’t get to see each other, Harry knew the change in position would feel nice for her. He watched with a smirk as she did as he asked, rotating onto her stomach. She was on her hands and knees at first, but that’s not what he meant.

“Lay down on your tummy.” He told her, smacking her ass with a chuckle.

She squealed, not expecting that but enjoying it. She laid down on the bed, her arms folding beneath her head for support. Harry straddled her thighs, his heavy hands kneading her ass as he licked his lips. This was about to be an amazing moment. He missed her body just as much as he did her face, her voice, her soul. He loved her more than anything, and if this was potentially the last time they get to see each other, he was going to make it count. He was going to make her feel good.

“Such a pretty pussy, baby.” He mumbled out as he spread her cheeks.

His cock rested on her, the weight was comforting. He kept hold of one side of her ass while taking his cock in his hand again. This time, he actually slipped the tip in. She gasped, the feeling was almost foreign it had been so long. He groaned heavily, his lungs filling with air as he prepared for the rest of his length to glide in. He did it slowly, watching every inch of himself disappear. Her walls hugged around him tight.

“Harry, more.” She whined to him, her butt shifting as she arched her back.

He moaned at the sight, shoving the rest of his length into her. She felt full and satisfied, for the first time since he left. Everything was right now. No other thoughts crossed either of their minds as he started to teasingly pull out of her. They were only worried about one thing, the future was put on hold for now.

Something about the way the muscles in her body moved under her skin made this feel primal, the sight was incredible. He slid his hand to the small of her back, pressing her down onto the mattress as he thrusted harder. He was still being patient with himself, remembering that he couldn’t just pound into her. She had to get used to him, her body had to relax and open up for him. She moaned into the bend of her elbow as he placed another light slap to her ass.

“Oh, baby, so fucking tight f’me.” His stomach knotted up as he sunk into her.

Her hair was splayed over her back, messy and tangled a bit. He thought about grabbing a handful of it and pulling her head off her arms, but he didn’t this time. He didn’t want to scare her or try something too risky. Instead, he just kneaded her ass and kept his hand in the dip of her back. Ivy seemed to be having a great experience, she was moaning and uttering his name over and over. It was music to his ears, a boost to his ego.

He felt her walls tighten around him, her moans got louder as she approached the edge. The position he chose was now fighting against him. He couldn’t watch her face contort as she orgasmed. It would be cruel to stop her from reaching that point, so he just kept his pace steady and guided her over the cliff.

“Cum f’me, baby. Cum all over me.” He threw his head back as he felt her pulsing, her insides throbbing as her legs trembled.

“Harry, m’cumming.” She told him a few seconds late, but he didn’t mind.

He kept stroking his hips into her until she calmed down, her back relaxing from its arch. She was sensitive and it was rather easy to get her to orgasm, so he knew there would most likely be one or two more she’d hit before he came. He was uncertain about what will happen after tonight, so he wanted to savor this as long as he could.

“I wanna look at you when you cum again.” He slowly pulled out of her and tapped her ass with his palm.

She grunted, her pussy still tingling from her orgasm. He got off her and let her turn over. She was trying to catch her breath as she rolled onto her back. Harry parted her legs and returned between them. She liked the switch in position, it made it more exciting. He already had a thin layer of sweat coating his skin, his tattoos glistening and his body flushed. He looked perfect.

“Fuck, Harry.” She moaned out as he pushed into her without hesitation. She was soaked and he had no issues sliding in. “We can do.. what you want, baby.”

He fell over her, his elbow keeping him up as he connected their lips. Ivy lost her fingers in his hair, tugging at his roots and moaning into his mouth. He was moving his hips at a quicker pace than before, and the feeling was intense. His tongue swiped over her chin, then up her throat. He could taste the salt on her skin.

“This is what I want.” He whispered next to her ear, shoving his face into her soft hair.

Despite liking the previous position, she missed the feeling of his weight on top of her and his hips moving between her legs. This was something she craved to have every single night they were apart. Not even the sex, just the comfort of his body on hers. She slipped an arm around his arm, holding onto the back of his shoulder.

“Faster.” She uttered to him, her lips brushing his skin as she went to nibble on him. It made his cock twitch and his hips pick up speed.

The smell of his cologne and shampoo was filling her nose, reminding her of every little thing they ever did together - even the not so good things. She closed her eyes and thought about how much she adored him, how much she truly loved him. He rested his abdomen further down, their bodies touching entirely now. She could tell he was lost in his mind, too, because he wasn’t saying much and he was focused. She wondered if this was as special for him as it was for her. There was nobody else she’d want to do this with. Nobody could make her feel the way he did. He created a magic inside of her just by looking at her. She felt her lip quivering, the threat of tears forming was strong.

“Feels so good, Harry.” She told him through a soft moan, her teeth sinking back into his skin.

He let out a deep growl, his nose rubbing against her ear. Her assumption was right. He was tangled up in his thoughts as he thrusted into her. The feeling of her body, the warmth of her skin, the softness of her hair - everything was overwhelming in the best way possible. He missed her so much, more than he could ever express. He never wanted this to end.

Ivy didn’t want to be sad, so she decided to take the lead. She grabbed his face and pulled his head up, their eyes meeting as he took quick breaths. It was obvious he wasn’t far from his climax. She gave him a smirk, then ran her tongue over his lips. He groaned, trying to suck it into his mouth but she wouldn’t let him.

“C’mon, kitten.” He groaned.

She let out a feathery laugh. “Making me feel so good.”

Harry let his mouth get ahead of his brain. “Do something for me, yeah?”

“Okay, whatever you want.” She nodded, keeping her smile.

He licked his lips, staring down at her mouth was making his filthy desires burn through him like wildfire. “Spit on your lips.”

Ivy gathered a bit on her tongue and pushed it out onto her lips. The visual almost made him bust. He let out a deep groan, his eyes shutting for a moment as he tried to keep his composure. Her thumb pressed into his dimple as her eyes widened, she was waiting to see what he was going to do. He didn’t allow another second to slip by. He lapped up the spit with his tongue, swallowing it once it coated his tongue. She felt a hard churn in her stomach - it was incredibly hot to watch him do that. He gave her a gentle lift of his brows, silently asking for her feedback. She didn’t say anything, instead, she did it again.

“So fucking hot, babe.” He mumbled out before swiping his tongue over her lips.

She smiled, pecking a kiss to his mouth before he leaned up. “Yeah? Like tasting me, don’t you?”

“Fuck. M’close.” He grunted back, her words were fuel to his fire.

“Make me cum, Harry. Want to so bad for you.” She placed her hand on his neck, her tongue shoving its way between his lips.

He knew he wouldn’t last long when they started this, and now his muscles are tightening and his entire stomach was seized up. He was trying to hold it in until she came again, he could tell she was so close. She broke away from his mouth to push out a breath.

“I’m gonna cum, Harry.” She told him through a whine, her eyes staring into his as her jaw went slack.

He felt it as it happened, and he quickly followed. “Fuck, m’cumming, Ivy.”

She gasped as the warmth of his cum burned inside of her through the condom. For a moment, she wondered how it would feel without anything there to block it. Harry rested his forehead on her shoulder, his hips coming to a stop after he spurted out one last bit. His body went limp on hers, but she wasn’t suffocating. It was a relief to feel him this way.

“That was amazing.” She said in a soft voice, her lips pressing into the corner of his mouth.

“Did you like it, baby?” He asked, knitting his brows together as he shifted his head to look at her.

She gave him a cute smile. “I loved it.”

“Yeah?” He nodded lightly, leaving a kiss on her lips. “Did you like the first one?”

“Mhm.” She bit down on her lip. “I liked when you gave me a little slap. Felt nice.”

“Want me to spank you, baby doll?” He chuckled, rubbing his nose against hers. “You’re so beautiful.”

Ivy flattened her hand over his cheek, admiring the pretty gleam in his eyes. “Trying new things wasn’t so bad, was it?”

He sighed. “I guess not.”

“We can.. try more sometime. If you want to.” She was still unsure about how everything will play out, but she was staying optimistic for now.

Maybe this made him realize that she wasn’t as delicate and fragile as he thought. Sure, she could be sensitive and a bit in her feelings sometimes, but who isn’t? He could be rough with her or more adventurous without putting her in danger. If he didn’t think it would be worth it to try out a relationship again, she might just die of a broken heart.

“Thank you for everything.” He told her, avoiding a response to what she insisted. “Means a lot to me.”

She chose not to address it anymore. “You don’t have to thank me. I enjoyed it. It was fun and it felt amazing.”

Harry started to kiss her, syncing his mouth with hers. The decision hadn’t been made in his mind yet, whether or not he would want to see her again. Want isn’t a good word, though, it was more like need. He’d want to see her every day for the rest of her life, but did she need that? Did she need to be at risk?

After a few minutes of slowly kissing, they pulled away from each other. Harry lifted himself above her, his eyes glancing down at her chest. She tried to reach for him, but he smiled and shook his head.

“I’ll clean you up and.. take you home.”

Ivy huffed, her lips turning to a pout. “No, not yet.. We have to cuddle.”

“Babe.”

“Shh, cuddle me, please.” She begged him, her lashes batting as he tried his hardest to fight her efforts.

He failed. “Alright.”

When he tried to move off of her, she stopped him by snaking her arms around his torso. “Stay here.”

Harry obliged and chose to bury his face in the crook of her neck. He could melt onto her body if she’d let him. A silence grew between them as they both appreciated the warmth of one another. It was comforting and relieving to be together again, even if it was just for the night. Ivy closed her eyes so she could replay some of her favorite memories with him in her head. She wanted to remind herself of all the good, the joy, the love, the happiness.. She wanted to remember Harry.

“I love you.” He spoke into her neck, the warmth of his breath making her tingle.

She rubbed slow, tight circles into his lower back to keep him relaxed. “I love you.”

“I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“You’re the sweetest.”

He grunted. “No, m’not.”

“Shh.. you are.” She ran her hand up to his nape, feeling the structure of his body beneath her palm.

He went quiet, his breathing slowing as he absorbed every second with her. They stayed that way for a while, until she finally felt the need to fall asleep taking over her body. Harry moved beside her, his eyes hardly opened. They didn’t bother with clothes or even the blankets at this point. She curled up next to him, her head nuzzled against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. He knew she needed to be taken home. It wouldn’t be a good idea for this to carry on any longer. Yet, he didn’t make any effort to get up. Right now, he was going to soak up all of her that he could. His mind started to drift off.

Unexpectedly, he opened his eyes slowly. He was unaware of how long they had been asleep, but a few hours had passed. He sighed to himself and started to gently shake her, trying to wake her up. She groaned, stirring in his arms.

“Ivy.” His voice was deep and groggy.

She whined, pushing her face into his neck to hide. She didn’t want to wake up or move from her comfortable spot. Harry rubbed his hand over her waist as he tried again to get her to wake up.

“You need to get up.”

His words made her confused. As much as she didn’t want to wake herself up anymore than she already was, she lifted her head out of his neck.

“Why?”

Harry pushed out a sigh, his lips brushing her hairline as he spoke. “I need to take you home.”

“No.” She huffed.

“Ivy.”

Usually, the sound of his voice speaking her name made her heart flutter and her stomach fill with butterflies, but right now it was annoying her. She stuck her face back into his neck, her hand curling over his waist as she tried to ignore him. He was giving her a shake every few seconds, trying to keep her awake and get her up. It wasn’t working. She wasn’t asleep, but it was obvious she had no intentions of moving.

“It’s late.”

“Can I stay the night, please?” She asked with a soft voice, her sweet innocence shining through. “We’re already comfy.”

Harry didn’t want to fold for her. It was already bad enough that he caved in and brought her home to begin with. Continuing this on any longer would be nothing but a misfortune, or so he was trying to convince himself it would be.

“I dunno, Ivy. We don’t need to do this.”

She groaned, fully irritated by his nagging. She leaned back, her eyes finding his instantly. He had left the lights on so there was no hiding for either of them. She frowned, furrowing her brows as she stared at him. He was pretending to not show any emotion, but inside he was burning. He wanted her to stay and never leave his side again, yet his mouth was saying otherwise. He was battling himself yet again.

“How many times do we have to be apart to prove that we have to be together?” She asked seriously, her eyes silently pleading with him.

“I don’t want you to forgive me so easily.” He admitted, his hand settling on her hip as he felt some tension leave his body.

“Well I don’t want to be sad about this any more, Harry. I want to be happy with you.” Ivy’s confession made his heart melt.

As much as he hated himself for all that he did to hurt her, he never wanted her to slip away again. Being apart from her for two months was enough to make him realize how idiotic his choices had been. It was pure suffering and pain day after day. The love he felt for her was unmeasurable. The longer they were apart, the harder it was to survive. If she was willing to forgive him and understand why he did what he did, then perhaps it would be worth it to try again. She licked her lips, her eyes falling to his chin for a moment as she debated on what to say to him. She was tired of the game, tired of running back and forth to try and reach him. There was no point in trying to avoid each other. They were meant to be together.

“Tell me if.. if I’m going to be your girlfriend again.” Ivy’s hand shifted to his back, she just wanted to feel his warm body. “If I’m not.. then I’ll let you take me home.”

The decision should be the easiest one of his life, but it didn’t feel that way. He looked into her eyes, wondering what she was thinking. He was sure she was anxious about his response. She probably feared it. He had a way of ruining good things and disappointing her. It was clear that she wanted him to say yes, that she wanted that confirmation that things were going to be okay. It would be horrific to tell her otherwise. It would crush the few pieces of her heart he hadn’t destroyed yet.

Harry took a deep breath and chose a leap of faith. No more fear, no more worry, no more uncertainty. If anyone could help him get through this, it would be her. She was the only person who could calm him down and make him understand what was really going on. She cured his anger, eased his frustration, and relaxed his worry. He loved her more than anyone had ever loved another person before.

“I want you to be my girlfriend.” He finally said, his words coming out in a nervous mumble.

A smile shaped her lips. “I know you do.”

“If you want to.”

She reached up to pinch his dimple. “And you know I want to.”

He didn’t want her to let all of this go so quickly, though. He had to take accountability for everything he had done to her. He gave her waist a squeeze as he gathered his thoughts.

“But I don’t want to act like this never happened. I have to make it up to you.”

Ivy’s smile grew as her hand slid to his jaw. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? Every little thing.”

He couldn’t hold back a soft chuckle as she pecked his chin a few times, her soft lips leaving behind the sweetest touch. “I’ll let you love me.”

Hearing him say that was sort of healing for her. She closed her eyes and pressed their lips together. It wasn’t messy or sloppy, just gentle and delicate.

“I’ve never stopped and I never will.” She promised, kissing the corner of his mouth. “No matter how upset or jealous or angry you get.. I’ll be here for you, okay?”

Harry held on to her waist tighter. “No more getting angry at you or upset. You mean too much to me. I can’t lose you again.”

A giggle slipped out. “But still jealous, hm?”

He smirked, rubbing his nose against the tip of hers. “Hard not to be when you’re so gorgeous. But.. I’ll work on it, too.”

“Promise?”

She reached for the hand he had settled on her body. He let her take it. She wiggled her pink finger around his and he chuckled, realizing what she was doing. He locked his finger with hers and nodded.

“Promise.”

[a/n: I’m so sorry this took so long, I was really struggling with motivation & something happened in my life that caused a lot of stress. anyways, I hope you enjoy it. very sad to think we only have one official part left of the series. thank u for your endless support and love. remember, I’ll be doing blurbs for this pairing so if you have any ideas send them in! see u soon]

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