nerdybluephoenix

[nerdybluephoenix]

Every once in awhile I get a "I was LOOKING for this post!" reblog, and it's always this specific post. I'm bringing this back to the top of my page so you guys can find it better

"This should do it." It looked down at itself, pleased.

The two - rather long - legs jut out under it's torso. It used it's new - ew - five fingers to feel along it's skin, feeling the bumps of a ribcage underneath. A heartbeat too.

In front of it was a mirror, and staring back at itself was a human. Well, an illusion of one.

Time and time again, the newly star bound aliens, humans, had infiltrated it's species ranks through elaborate disguises. They got better at it every time.

Not only were humans great with what they call "make up" but they had a way of mimicking their behaviors. It's species tried to replicate this. Failed to. In the end, they had something better.

A team of highly immoral scientists who were given boundless permission to try whatever the hell they wanted. And they went with genetic mutation.

It was a painful change, and slow. Agonizingly slow. But now, it was a super solider with one superpower. A shape-shifter.

And it was time to test it out.

It strolled out of the bathroom and into the eating area where various alien species were seated. Only one human - the unwitting test subject - was present.

If this could pass for normal conversation, this could pass for war.

It strolled right up to the other creature - a man who had not yet seen him - and sat down.

"I'm glad to see one other human on this station," it said.

The human non-committedly looked up. Only to jump with a start after taking it in.

"What are you?" he said.

"A human?" it said. If it's species could sweat, it would do so by now.

The man stared at it a moment. He turned to the alien on his right and pointed to his left.

"Forgive me if this question is batshit insane, but what do you see?"

"Two humans?" The alien had three eyes.

Her species' third eye was famous for detecting the most miniscule details and then committing it to subconscious memory. The rise and fall of a chest. The careful rythem of a human heart. How often - or little - a human blinks. Even human's make-up tricks couldn't bypass her species' extra form of security.

"So it is," said the man. She turned away and it found itself blinking quickly in relief. It cut that out when the human turned to it. "Sorry, I guess you're just real ugly."

"Ugh, rude." All humans are ugly.

He scooted in closer on the bench and leaned in towards it. It found itself leaning away, but couldn't help but notice the bead of sweat on the human's forehead and how the pupils were shrunken as far as they could.

"Wanna hear an old Earth tale?"

"I'm sure I know it." Was this a test?

"I doubt you know this one. My grandfather experienced it himself." He leaned away. It had stop itself from blinking too rapidly again. "This is about an Earth cryptid."

"Bigfoot?" it said, but nodded as if it already knew.

"Everyone knows Bigfoot," he laughed. "No, he was driving down a dark country road unlit by street lights. He didn't have his brights on - that's important to the story, you see - but heaven knows why."

Brights??? What are brights???

"Down the road an animal was crossing. A simple male deer with antlers. He couldn't see its body yet, but he was familiar with the eyes. They glowed as his car sped closer."

"He slowed as the deer became more apparent, and eventually came to a stop when the creature wouldn't move. By now, he could see the antlers, the four legs, the neck. Not in detail, mind you, but he could see it "

Other aliens in the room- not hearing this conversation - were trickling out of the room. There was no dramatic reason for this, they simply finished their lunch. The human, not paying any attention to his own lunch, continued the story.

"It's not uncommon for deer to freeze, especially when lights flood their eyes. So my grandfather gave it a moment to realize it should run. When seconds ticked by, he honked at it."

"There was something... off... about the deer. It looked every way like a deer, but the longer he stared, the longer that just didn't seem right."

"Was it a deer?" it said.

"It was not."

"What was it?"

"Not a deer."

The alien found itself frown at this in a perfectly human way.

"Time went on, and my grandfather decided to turn on the brights to try and see the creature better. And it was still... a deer... but not..."

It found its frown deepening.

"What's worse was it began to move. Similar to a deer, but all wrong. Like maybe its legs bent the wrong way. Or perhaps the legs were too long. It was every way like a deer, but it just was not."

"He drove home as soon as that not deer was out of his path. And yes, he found himself alive the next morning. But that encounter disturbed him, so he recounted it to everyone. And many people - especially in that town - could tell him their own stories."

"...okay?"

"Well, that story is funny. Probably a figment of his imagination, but it does reflect a very real human instinct."

This was another test. "Would this be something I know of?"

"It's called uncanny valley. It occurs to us when something looks human... but is not."

"Why?"

"Well, rumor has it that it was a instinct formed from a predator. Something that looked human but was not. A not human."

"A not human? Is this true?"

"No," he said. He laughed. "No, we most likely developed it for something a lot more practical. Corpses, you see. They carry a lot of bacteria, so we have a fear of them."

"...interesting."

"I have that very same feeling of you," he said. The room was empty besides the two. He reached for his bottle above his lunch tray.

"But I'm not a corpse?"

"You're about to be."

The human tossed down the bottle, effectively cracking off the bottom half and forming his weapon.

It shape-shifted as it scurried away to retreat from the very much human.

[nerdybluephoenix]

Not enough alien x human romances with bioluminescence imo. Alien trying SO casually to keep their lights to themselves, but every time you pass by they get so overwhelmed with the need to dazzle you. As enamored as you are with the pretty lightshow they are just as much obsessed with your reaction, trying to gauge your strange human expressions for reciprocation. Not that you don't compliment them outright, but all they can do when you try is glow a different color. PLEASE show them human fireworks, or decorate your room with fairy lights, even if you didn't mean it a declaration of romance they're flashing every color of every rainbow because omg you shared your light with them even though your body isn't capable of doing it in the same way! You have an alien partner now, I don't make the rules.

[nerdybluephoenix]

Alien: Why do you do that? What does it mean?

Human: Do what?

Alien: The verbal sound. "Um" and "Uh"

Human: Oh! Well, sometimes when I'm trying speak, I need to a moment to process. It's a pause while I think.

Alien: Why don't you just say nothing when you pause?

Human: Oh! Um...

[nerdybluephoenix]

thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.

And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.

And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.

And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?

Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.

Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.

[nerdybluephoenix]

fucks me up that by total coincidence the sun and moon's size difference is exactly matched to their difference in distance from us, thus making our beautiful total solar eclipses where you can see the silver threads of the sun's corona possible because the moon just covers the sun completely

The stars (literally) aligned just right for this experience to be possible. It's likely that aliens don't have this

[nerdybluephoenix]

Very passionate about this subject, I see

Here, have some education fools

[nerdybluephoenix]

Hell yeahhhh. Reblog for the detailed answer

Consider: Aliens get weirded out by how fucking HUGE our moon is in reference to the planet

Really helpful, guys. Thanks.

[nerdybluephoenix]

Consider: Aliens get weirded out by how fucking HUGE our moon is in reference to the planet

Really helpful, guys. Thanks.

[nerdybluephoenix]

How do you think aliens would respond to humans' extreme non-sequitur threats? Like. One human says they're going to kill another over a mild inconvenience

Aliens take threats VERY seriously.

The two humans in this are siblings fyi:

[nerdybluephoenix]

Most species resisted when introduced to the technological advances of the galaxy. Each wanted to believe their own way was better.

But not humans.

No, when they took to the galaxy, they adopted every technology offered. They absorbed it so quickly into their own that there was scarcely any time before they were using our tech as if they'd invented it themselves.

And they didn't stop there.

It was as if someone picked up an animal out of it's cage and set it on an open field to run wild. Their technology went from barely making it to space to surpassing everything we'd been trying to do. Any far off theory or study we were going to attempt, humans did as a warm up. Our dreams were their testing grounds.

The technology they gave us back was beyond anything we imagined would come from their species, from their world. But of everything they invented, it was all possible. We understood how it worked once they showed it to us. It made sense.

Until something didn't.

Humans made an engine core that was so powerful, so dangerously explosive, that it allowed a specific ship to achieve faster than light travel. It was impossible, and yet there it was.

Of course the ship itself had to be modified to sustain such speeds. The engine was powerful enough, yes, but any of our ships would rip themselves apart even trying. But humans created the ship too. They tried to explain how they broke the known laws of space, but it didn't make sense. It seemed they could barely explain it, like a youngling struggling to form a sentence.

And like a curious youngling, we didn't dare try to stop them. Such a young species, unhindered by reality, unbiased by our knowledge and history, and creative to a fault. We nurtured them the best we could, giving encouragement and standing out of the way as they accomplished the impossible.

[nerdybluephoenix]

After years in space, a human and her alien crewmates go undercover on Earth.

The aliens are better at being human than she is.

[nerdybluephoenix]

Humans are space orcs idea

An alien species being intimidated by humans because of eye contact (humans being predators in nature and all). To remedy this, all diplomatic interactions are done by autistic people who can't/don't like eye contact.

[nerdybluephoenix]

Aliens meet a cat. Cat does not like them at all

I'm gonna answer this prompt with my usual ocs, because it gives me an excuse to redraw some old artwork I made in 2020

New version:

I might finish this drawing another time. Old artwork at the bottom of the post.

///

Captain Evek stepped into the room. Inside, two of her crew members were hunched around an open cage. The human, Constance, was cooing at whatever was inside. Evek could hear a horrible hissing noise inside followed by a low growl.

“I’m sorry - this is the animal you’ve been comparing me to?” Tix, the other crew member, did not look pleased. “It looks nothing like me.”

“What did you drag on my ship this time?” Both crew members looked up at the captain.

“Evek!” Constance happily waved her over. “Look what I found! It’s a cat!” Evek stayed rooted where she stood. She wasn’t going to step closer to some creature making clear warning noises like that.

“...remind me what a cat is?” Evek said. She thought over Tix’s words and her face scrunched up in amusement. “Oh, is it the Earth creature you say looks like Tix?”

“It does not look like-”

“It looks exactly like you!”

Now Evek was curious enough to step closer. If at least cautiously. She got down on her knees to get a better angle at whatever was inside. It was hard to make out with the poor lighting, but it seemed to be a ball of fluff.

“I can’t see it very well,” Evek admitted. “Why is this thing on my ship?”

“I found her. On the ship,” Constance said. “I think she snuck on after our last stop. I can’t believe humans are losing their pets in space already.”

“Are cats dangerous?” Evek said. On the firm “no” from Constance, Evek made up her mind to step over and gently tilt the cage so the cat slid out.

“Wait! You really shouldn’t do that!” Constance said. 

It was too late. Upon being slid out of the cage, the animal popped to life like a firecracker. It flailed about the room, bounced off on walls, and knocked several items over. Tix fled underneath a table and let out a low growl that was much like the cat’s warning sounds. This only spurred the small thing more and it continued to wreak havoc until it finally clamored up a wall and onto a bookshelf. Constance cursed.

“Sorry, I just wanted a better look,” Evek said. She stood to look around the torn apart room then up at the creature on the shelf. From Evek’s height, the cat sat perfectly eye level. She stepped closer. It hissed. “Tix, I’m sorry to tell you this, but Constance is right. It looks a lot like you.”

“It does not,” Tix said from under the table.

“How do we get in back in the cage?” Evek said.

“Carrier,” Constance corrected. “And I have no idea.” She picked up the carrier and brought it closer to the shelf. The cat slunk away until she sat herself between a corner.

“She’s trapped now. Why don’t I just…?” Evek stepped forward and snatched the cat up in two hands. Much like before, the cat burst into panic. Captain Evek held the animal out as it bit and clawed at any skin it could reach. Okay, ow! “I thought you said it wasn’t dangerous?”

“As in, won’t kill you,” Constance said. “You should put her down.” She tried, but trying to place the cat back onto the shelf ended with more flailing and biting. Evek was stuck in an awkward position where if she wasn’t careful, she could drop the cat.

Maybe from exhaustion, the cat suddenly froze in Evek’s hands. It seemed to be glaring at Evek. Judgment practically seeped out of it. She could feel it’s little heartbeat running rapidly in its chest.

“Aww!” Constance cooed. She brought he carrier over and quickly scooped up the animal and closed the door. “She likes you!”

“That doesn’t even begin to be true,” Evek said. She rubbed at her hands, now covered in bite marks and scratches. “I’d like to get that animal dropped off at our next stop. Maybe we’ll find a human who wants it.”

“N’aww, but I kinda want her,” Constance said. She placed the carrier on the table. The cat was curled up in the back again.

“You already have Tix,” Evek said.

Tix came out from under the table to jump on top of it instead. His ears were back and his tail flicked in clear annoyance.

“I am not a cat!”

/// Old Art Under the Cut ///

[nerdybluephoenix]

Next Page (will come back to link it)

Short comic I'm working on

To manage your expectations, it's not a full story. It's really just a test comic. I originally made a sketch to practice comic-making. Then thought: "this isn't bad, I should see what this looks like cleaned up." I proceeded to make a 3D spaceship model for it so I didn't have to waste time agonizing over the ship's angles, chose a color scheme, cleaned up some sketches, and now we're here

[nerdybluephoenix]

2D version of this lil grumpy fella:

[nerdybluephoenix]

I remade an old comic

Evek did some research

Original

[nerdybluephoenix]