nickyelsh - Tumblr blog

[nickyelsh]

if you’re happy for literally any reason no matter how “small” or “stupid” you’re winning in this world as far as I can tell

[nickyelsh]

girlhood:

[nickyelsh]

i cannot make you love me i cannot

[nickyelsh]

i keep trying to be 36 but i am only 16

[nickyelsh]

New year resolutions:

- survive

- build stamina

- try again, no matter what happens. never stop trying

[nickyelsh]

Untitled

by Kobayashi Issa tr. Sam Hamill

After a long nap, the cat yawns, rises, and goes out looking for love

[nickyelsh]

wild child

on the road in my car

windows rolled down sunroof open

warm summer air flowing in

cut up watermelon in his hand

red hot delicious

he ate it in the messiest way possible

all hands sticky and wet

juice running down his chin

wild free and open

hot summer air

his mother’s favourite songs on the stereo

the up and down of the twisting roads

it was too much

he couldnt finish it

threw the rest out in the forest

from the moving car

a wild child on a wild ride

eating what he must

giving back what he doesn’t

wild hot and free

red damp and delicious

a wild child sits on the car seat

the wild child is me

[nickyelsh]

“I won’t give myself away to you. You will not define my worth. You do not define my worth. I can be kind and I can be patient but i will not be yours when i am mine first.”

a passive aggressive letter to you and a love letter to me💌

[nickyelsh]

(to me)

i love everybody because i love you

[nickyelsh]

august came like a child running into traffic

i am finding comfort in my isolation

[nickyelsh]

i do not want ordinary love; i want to move mountains with my devotion

[nickyelsh]

today, the moon is so bright

you almost can’t see the craters

they’re still there but she’s shining so bright

there’s a poem in there somewhere

i think i just wrote it

[nickyelsh]

haircut

i got a haircut

i got it three months ago

it felt like my old self was being cit away

felt like change

felt like a sort of pressure gone

the first few days

it was weird

i wasnt used to the lack of weight

i would keep pushing my hair back and then realise that it wasn’t even there

i loved my new haircut

just wasn’t used to it

months later we have now

im used to this hair

but i just saw an old picture

i really did love my hair

i miss it

it was horrible to handle

i miss it so damn much

i miss the weight

i hated the weight

i want it back

but i love this haircut too

i love this hair

i miss the old one

i hate it

i miss it

[nickyelsh]

i had such high hopes in the beginning of the year

new years are new starts aren’t they

i focused on surviving and the moment i could live-

spring has welcomed change

i am not sure whether it is a good one

because the air is too suffocating and my heart is so heavy and i am so scared-

i miss my mom dammit

[nickyelsh]

spring is here

song "kyon" by pritam, barfi in hindi:

[listen, life, it's jingling

see, it's calling us

whatever you need to do, do it today

don't delay it even further, crazy child]

[nickyelsh]

i love my skincare routine

i love my skincare routine i love showers i love morning walks i love working out i love good food i love hydration i love being healthy and i love taking care of my body and i love these things that people say are good for you which are actually good for you i love working on myself i love taking care of my body i love my skincare routine

[nickyelsh]

new year resolutions 2023:

learn how to be kinder to myself

step out of my comfort zone

be less afraid of being happy

not avoid but initiate change

love people a little more