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Since people seem to like my pride outfit!

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So back when I was a senior in undergrad, my partner went through, like, the craziest nervous breakdown I'd ever witnessed in my life. And like, maybe it makes me a back girlfriend or whatever but I was kind of like, "I'm gonna mind my own business on this one."

So my partner gets super close to two other students in his program. He was a film student so his senior year was being capped off by him making a movie. He decides he's going to make a movie about him turning into a salmon. He gets crazy into it. He starts eating salmon for every meal. He buys a bunch of salmon-related stuff. We found a T-shirt at Goodwill with a salmon on it and he thought it was divine intervention that he was doing the right thing. He walks into the freezing-cold Puget sound fully clothed several times to "get into it." He watches videos of salmon spawning and is like, "Nothing is more poignant than this." He gets a tattoo of three salmon on his arm.

The entire time the two students he got really close to are fully enabling him. It's a folie á trois sort of situation. They're out until six in the morning doing creepy art school shit and encouraging his (possibly no longer fictional) desire to become a salmon. My partner has an answer for everything. "Salmon get eaten by bears," I say. "That's a cool as fuck way to die," he says blithely. "And Salmon are free of the yoke of capitalism."

And if I dared to say, Hey, this is....getting a little odd..., he would throw a full-scale tantrum. I'm not supporting his dream (I wasn't sure at this point if it was his dream to be a filmmaker or his dream to become a salmon). I'm basically like, okay. Be a salmon! Fuck!

We had been dating for five years at this point and this behavior was such a left turn that I just decided to ignore it. And then after all that he basically went back to normal after graduation. Sometimes he'll be like, "That was weird, huh?" and has nothing more to say on the matter.

[nik-enby]

how the fuck are you so cool

it's a Darwinian process: I started out entirely uncool, had a bunch of experiences - most uncool, some cool - Cool traits were retained

[nik-enby]

when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they weren’t really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

“…it’s a cock and a pussy, Jules,” she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.

[nik-enby]

convincing this wandering swordmaster (loser, woman) to keep demonstrating her flawless technique to cleave a man from his life for me because her tits bounce really lewdly whenever she does it and she hasn't noticed yet

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i'm trying to flirt with this noblewoman but she keeps asking me to demonstrate my flawless sword technique and i don't think she realizes how much effort i'm putting in to make my tits bounce while doing so

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It’d be a missed opportunity if I ignored the date

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In one of my film classes last semester we had to tell a story in 3 pictures for a mini assignment so my friend and I did this

[nik-enby]

What's the fastest way to a girl's heart?

median sternotomy

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tumblr stop recommending me unrebloggable posts. Do you know how sad I got cuz I realized I couldn't reblog this

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My favourite part of writing professional emails is sending them and immediately running over to my "sent" folder to check I did in fact write "Yeah, I can make a 3 PM meeting" and not "I think you're a big stupid piece of shit and I fucked your wife" somehow

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as my grass-touching expands in scope, I constantly become more horrified at the mangled remains of what is known as "activism" on social media

the ideas about "activism" that seem popular among left-leaning youth on internet, are just the opposite of what is good to do in real life!

People think they should cut everyone with different views than them out of their lives, when in reality we need to form coalitions with anyone with values we can share. They think that quietly working within the system is stupid and a waste of time, when it's vitally necessary for somebody to be always doing that. They think that it's good to be angry and upset all the time and to lash out and argue with people, when it's very important to maintain internal peacefulness and focus on work that is within your ability to handle

It is most important of all to find older activists to listen to and learn from...

...and it could be hard to find them using the device that constantly hemorrhages all your personal information to the government. For obvious reasons.